FabSwingers.com forum: Love and anxiety

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi has anyone ever had this. Ive had 3 hours sleep. Feeling sick empty shortness of breath, thinking of the girl i love. She were a best mate but now the ultimatum is she will meet someone else and be gone, this makes me feel like my heart is being ripped out also. Never had it b4 its not nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss op it’s shit.

Why is there an ultimatum?

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

Yup never nice. I get that heart ripped out feeling every time he leaves me.

Does she know how you feel op?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This doesn't sound good, OP!

Love is a powerful emotion. Why is she issuing an ultimatum?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Its because im going away to do a different job, i live in a different town to her. We were best mates to begin with and we said we would never let this happen as we would go all weird. Now the inevitable has happened.Its utter guttening as if she was to meet some one i will now lose a best mate and the woman i love

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She also knows im on here btw she was my couples partner

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

It's not a nice feeling when someone fills you with hope and joy.

You find yourself smiling for the first time in a long time and yearning for them.

To be told the most beautiful things and feel wanted and loved

And then one day.....it stops.

No it isn't nice to love someone and not get it back.

Hugs OP

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"It's not a nice feeling when someone fills you with hope and joy.

You find yourself smiling for the first time in a long time and yearning for them.

To be told the most beautiful things and feel wanted and loved

And then one day.....it stops.

No it isn't nice to love someone and not get it back.

Hugs OP "

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Hi has anyone ever had this. Ive had 3 hours sleep. Feeling sick empty shortness of breath, thinking of the girl i love. She were a best mate but now the ultimatum is she will meet someone else and be gone, this makes me feel like my heart is being ripped out also. Never had it b4 its not nice"

Yeah I know the gut-wrenching lack of sleep thing. I hope what you fear does not materialise OP, good luck. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its because im going away to do a different job, i live in a different town to her. We were best mates to begin with and we said we would never let this happen as we would go all weird. Now the inevitable has happened.Its utter guttening as if she was to meet some one i will now lose a best mate and the woman i love"

Is the job going to be for a little while with visits home or a permanent move? Did you take the job before you met her or whilst dating?

It sounds a bit harsh issuing an ultimatum but depends on the full picture i guess.

Regardless, i'm sorry you're upset and hopefully you can both resolve things x

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

It's a bit shitty for her to throw that at you though.

Have you tried to sit down and speak to her about it? If she knew your job may require moving she needs to accept that and act accordingly. Why cant she go with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a bit shitty for her to throw that at you though.

Have you tried to sit down and speak to her about it? If she knew your job may require moving she needs to accept that and act accordingly. Why cant she go with you? "

This, quite frankly, issuing ultimatums isn't something you do to someone you love, unless it's about unacceptable behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is the job going to be for a little while with visits home or a permanent move? Did you take the job before you met her or whilst dating?

It sounds a bit harsh issuing an ultimatum but depends on the full picture i guess.

Regardless, i'm sorry you're upset and hopefully you can both resolve things x

"
she always knew i were going to be working away, a few month on and off. Back then though we weren't going to let things get serious then it did. The fact is that if we did get together and it didn't work out, I fear, our emotions would be in a far worse situation.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"It's a bit shitty for her to throw that at you though.

Have you tried to sit down and speak to her about it? If she knew your job may require moving she needs to accept that and act accordingly. Why cant she go with you?

This, quite frankly, issuing ultimatums isn't something you do to someone you love, unless it's about unacceptable behaviour."

Yup, it is a controlling manipulative tactic and should not form part of any healthy adult relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's a bit shitty for her to throw that at you though.

Have you tried to sit down and speak to her about it? If she knew your job may require moving she needs to accept that and act accordingly. Why cant she go with you? "

Its ovetseas but i think shes scared of beig hurt. Then she will put pressure on me saying if i dont act quick i will lose her. I dont usually do the chasing. Do u think thats what she wants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why can't you get a job here instead? If you loved her you'd stay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she knew then she has no right to issue an ultimatum OP. If you stayed you'd end up resenting her for stopping you going, or it may not work out anyway and you've sacked off a job.

It's a toughie. But if she loved you, then surely she would at least be prepared to give it a try. If it works, brilliant, but if not then you can say you gave it a shot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why can't you get a job here instead? If you loved her you'd stay."

The uniform maybe a hint

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why can't you get a job here instead? If you loved her you'd stay.

The uniform maybe a hint "

Thats my old job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why can't you get a job here instead? If you loved her you'd stay.

The uniform maybe a hint

Thats my old job"

Ahhh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her you find her ultimatum controlling and manipulative and not something you’d expect from someone who loves you. Then explore together what you both really want and work out whether you can fulfil those things for each other. If not, call it a day....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs OP

I know this sounds cliche and it's probably not what you want to hear - but that gut wrenching anxiety and heartbreak will lessen every day - until you wake up one day and it will be gone.

I've found that the only way to get over someone is to stop contact with them.

No phone calls, texts, social media , asking mutual friends about them etc...

It's the only way.

Be kind to yourself x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm a bit confused. Are you together as in a romantic relationship? It sounds to me as if you've discussed that and decided against it because you're afraid of being hurt. Sorry if I've got that wrong.

If you have decided to go away to work and have mutually decided not to be in a relationship then both of you are free to meet someone else. If you both want to be together but she doesn't want a long distance relationship is there another way round it? Could she get a job near you?

I wouldn't get in to a relationship with someone who was away for long periods of time. I wouldn't see it as issuing an ultimatum, I'd see it as both wanting different things.

I hope it all works out for you both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why can't you get a job here instead? If you loved her you'd stay."

This is a serious question OP, I'm not trying to be a knobhead. Consider your feelings- if you feel so strongly for her at the thought of losing her then can you stay and give it a go?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

O.P.

I hope that happiness comes to each of you, whatever you choose.

I have read everything you have written.

You have a job , overseas. You will leave your girlfriend here. This makes you both unhappy.

There are only two solutions.

She goes with you or you stay here.

Are you willing to sacrifice the job to keep your girl ?

If you are not willing to make that sacrifice then really you have found the level to which you give a fuck and the separation is agreed.

There would be no need to say that SHE ended the relationship.

It will have been a choice made by yourself.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

P.S. There's nothing wrong with that choice and it won't mean you didn't love each other ...... it's just a choice and she is not to blame.

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