FabSwingers.com forum: Lonely?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

UCLA psychologist Naomi Eisenberger found that being socially excluded activates some of the same neural regions that are activated in response to physical pain. And psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University has put forth groundbreaking work showing that loneliness is as risky to one’s health as smoking or obesity.

1. Talk to strangers

Many of us cringe at the idea of chatting up a stranger on the subway or in a cafe. In fact, it might seem scary, but we’d probably get more out of it than we realise.

In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, psychologists Juliana Schroeder and Nicholas Epley explored why strangers near each other seldom interact. They hypothesised that either people generally find solitude more pleasant than interaction, or they misjudge the consequences of interacting. They conducted a number of experiments to test their hypotheses, one of which involved recruiting Chicago commuters to talk to people sitting near them on their ride to work. While nearly everyone expected it to be a negative experience, they reported an improved sense of well-being afterward, notably more than those in a control group who didn’t talk to nearby strangers. The unsuspecting passengers on the receiving end of these social volleys also reported increased wellbeing.

2. Log off, at least sometimes

What does face-to-face contact give us that online communication lacks? For one thing, it boosts our production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that ease pain and enhance wellbeing.

3. Be neighbourly

Some of our most important relationships are with the people closest to us, geographically speaking. The neighbours and co-workers who we regularly cross paths with can serve an important purpose in our broader map of social connection, even if they’re not our most meaningful and deep relationships. Research points to the value of both “strong ties” and “weak ties” in social relationships and underscores that loose acquaintances, such as neighbours, serve an important role in our overall sense of connection with others. But research shows that we’re neglecting the very relationships that are right under our noses or on the other side of our fences.

Do you engage in the three recommendations to stave off loneliness? What other tips do you have for people?

Be well, people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"UCLA psychologist Naomi Eisenberger found that being socially excluded activates some of the same neural regions that are activated in response to physical pain. And psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University has put forth groundbreaking work showing that loneliness is as risky to one’s health as smoking or obesity.

1. Talk to strangers

Many of us cringe at the idea of chatting up a stranger on the subway or in a cafe. In fact, it might seem scary, but we’d probably get more out of it than we realise.

2. Log off, at least sometimes

What does face-to-face contact give us that online communication lacks? For one thing, it boosts our production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that ease pain and enhance wellbeing.

3. Be neighbourly

Do you engage in the three recommendations to stave off loneliness? What other tips do you have for people?

Be well, people. "
I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

1. Talk to strangers

Many of us cringe at the idea of chatting up a stranger on the subway or in a cafe. In fact, it might seem scary, but we’d probably get more out of it than we realise.

2. Log off, at least sometimes

What does face-to-face contact give us that online communication lacks? For one thing, it boosts our production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that ease pain and enhance wellbeing.

3. Be neighbourly

Do you engage in the three recommendations to stave off loneliness? What other tips do you have for people?

Be well, people. "

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. "
didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I really don’t enjoy doing any of those things but if a stranger feels better by engaging in mindless chat with me then they are welcome.

I live alone and have been single for 30 years.I have gone so far as to instruct my children NOT to find things to include me in when I’m old. The thought of having to sit with a load of old fogeys pretending to be nice to each other whilst doing some inane activity leaves me cold.

I just wish that other people would accept that some of us relish being on our own and don’t fear it, or being lonely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

Angel

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

One side neighbour is a bell end. I rarely speak to him. Other side is a great bloke. Say hello every time I see him. Occasionally chat a little bit. So I guess i do a little bit if the neighbourly thing. Regarding logging off. I vary between being on fab, playing games on ps4 and watching sports and tv shows. I suppose one could argue that is not really logging off. At work I talk to a lot of different people. A few are in the smoke hut. That is the chat crap place I suppose. I don't get out as much as I would like but when I do I will talk to randoms. I would consider overall I am happy with my interaction level.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect"

That’s not exactly what the article says. I think social media can lead to the attrition of face to face interaction, yes. But actually social media can, for some, be a lifesaver from absolute isolation too. There are many reasons that people may not interact, fear of rejection or being a burden etc that are nothing to do with social media or being socially inept. So I’m not outrightly refuting your point, but I’m not in agreement that it summarises the entirety of the article.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

Angel"
London is full of people from everywhere but London

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

What is it you don’t understand about it then?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I prefer face to face interaction

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I really don’t enjoy doing any of those things but if a stranger feels better by engaging in mindless chat with me then they are welcome.

I just wish that other people would accept that some of us relish being on our own and don’t fear it, or being lonely. "

Absolutely! But then that’s not you being lonely is it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

Angel"

Perhaps, I live in London and often talk to people!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel better when I’m communicating with others face to face but I doubt the feeling is mutual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer face to face interaction

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"One side neighbour is a bell end. I rarely speak to him. Other side is a great bloke. Say hello every time I see him. Occasionally chat a little bit. So I guess i do a little bit if the neighbourly thing. Regarding logging off. I vary between being on fab, playing games on ps4 and watching sports and tv shows. I suppose one could argue that is not really logging off. At work I talk to a lot of different people. A few are in the smoke hut. That is the chat crap place I suppose. I don't get out as much as I would like but when I do I will talk to randoms. I would consider overall I am happy with my interaction level."

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

What is it you don’t understand about it then?"
why a person any person isolates themselves so much that they can't interact with others ,if people won't approach you why can't you approach them .......im talking from the perspective if you feel so lonely that its driving you nuts .......get up and do something about it instead of wallowing in it and I know some people have confidence issues but loads of good people out there I talk to all age groups sexes and classes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

AngelLondon is full of people from everywhere but London

Do you have to be born in London to be a Londoner? I think not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel better when I’m communicating with others face to face but I doubt the feeling is mutual

I’d happily communicate face to face with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel better when I’m communicating with others face to face but I doubt the feeling is mutual

I’d happily communicate face to face with you.

Giz a kiss then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

AngelLondon is full of people from everywhere but London

Do you have to be born in London to be a Londoner? I think not.

"
well yes you can't call yourself a londoner unless you're born there you're a resident otherwise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Currently trying to think of an excuse to avoid going out & engaging with friends so I can go back to bed with the cat.

I’ll be much happier once all this forced enjoyment is over with!

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I really don’t enjoy doing any of those things but if a stranger feels better by engaging in mindless chat with me then they are welcome.

I just wish that other people would accept that some of us relish being on our own and don’t fear it, or being lonely.

Absolutely! But then that’s not you being lonely is it?

I get lonely, I think it’s just another normal human emotion that’s been demonised and has to be fixed, a bit like sadness. I don’t stay lonely, just like I don’t stay sad or happy, it’s just another situation or feeling that changes, just like it should, but talking to strangers is not the answer for a lot of people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

What is it you don’t understand about it then? why a person any person isolates themselves so much that they can't interact with others ,if people won't approach you why can't you approach them .......im talking from the perspective if you feel so lonely that its driving you nuts .......get up and do something about it instead of wallowing in it and I know some people have confidence issues but loads of good people out there I talk to all age groups sexes and classes

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel better when I’m communicating with others face to face but I doubt the feeling is mutual

I’d happily communicate face to face with you.

Giz a kiss then

Consent given

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

AngelLondon is full of people from everywhere but London

Do you have to be born in London to be a Londoner? I think not.

well yes you can't call yourself a londoner unless you're born there you're a resident otherwise

In your opinion! I’m a Londoner, resident in your opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel better when I’m communicating with others face to face but I doubt the feeling is mutual

I’d happily communicate face to face with you.

Giz a kiss then

Consent given

I’ll check again when we finally meet f2f

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

"
I knew you would

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Currently trying to think of an excuse to avoid going out & engaging with friends so I can go back to bed with the cat.

I’ll be much happier once all this forced enjoyment is over with! "

Do what makes *you* happy! The thread is not talking about enforcing interaction against your will! Cat and bed for the win!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I really don’t enjoy doing any of those things but if a stranger feels better by engaging in mindless chat with me then they are welcome.

I just wish that other people would accept that some of us relish being on our own and don’t fear it, or being lonely.

Absolutely! But then that’s not you being lonely is it?

But may be others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel better when I’m communicating with others face to face but I doubt the feeling is mutual

I’d happily communicate face to face with you.

Giz a kiss then

Consent given

I’ll check again when we finally meet f2f

Deal

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

I knew you would

How come? What’s the reason I might disagree?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloody hell OP your musings have made me think again!

It's a conundrum.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bloody hell OP your musings have made me think again!

It's a conundrum. "

My apologies

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

it's ok. I'm being sensitive must switch that shit off

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1. Talk to strangers

Many of us cringe at the idea of chatting up a stranger on the subway or in a cafe. In fact, it might seem scary, but we’d probably get more out of it than we realise.

2. Log off, at least sometimes

What does face-to-face contact give us that online communication lacks? For one thing, it boosts our production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that ease pain and enhance wellbeing.

3. Be neighbourly

Do you engage in the three recommendations to stave off loneliness? What other tips do you have for people?

Be well, people. "

I've worked in mental health and had to learn how to live and cope with my own issues with depression and anxiety. I'm in complete agreement with you loneliness is can be extremely harmful to ones wellbeing and in some cases it can be killer.

I also agree that society as a whole seems to be moving in a direction where we neglect the social relationships closest to us.

Social media has played a part in that. But I would also say that society as a whole seems to becoming more hostile and less friendly.That in itself can make engaging people you don't know in conversation a somewhat scary prospect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

it's ok. I'm being sensitive must switch that shit off

No, thank you for saying. You know I adore you, and it’s good to communicate. Huggles xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely."

It makes you think doesn’t it...I’ve been surrounded by people and felt lonely as anything.

You never know what’s going on for another person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I also agree that society as a whole seems to be moving in a direction where we neglect the social relationships closest to us.

Good points

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

it's ok. I'm being sensitive must switch that shit off

I am probably way off the mark. In fact I hope I am. I made a remark on another thread regarding your views going up due to the latest pics. I realise that was sexualising you. I apologise for that.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely.

It makes you think doesn’t it...I’ve been surrounded by people and felt lonely as anything.

You never know what’s going on for another person. "

You truly don't. I will talk to him in the new year about it. He's opened up to me a bit previously about stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely.

It makes you think doesn’t it...I’ve been surrounded by people and felt lonely as anything.

You never know what’s going on for another person.

You truly don't. I will talk to him in the new year about it. He's opened up to me a bit previously about stuff."

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

it's ok. I'm being sensitive must switch that shit off

No, thank you for saying. You know I adore you, and it’s good to communicate. Huggles xx"

Quick stop, people will think I have feelings and stuff.

We don't want that happening.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

it's ok. I'm being sensitive must switch that shit off

No, thank you for saying. You know I adore you, and it’s good to communicate. Huggles xx

Quick stop, people will think I have feelings and stuff.

We don't want that happening.

People like to invent who they think you are based on what fits their narrative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely.

It makes you think doesn’t it...I’ve been surrounded by people and felt lonely as anything.

You never know what’s going on for another person.

You truly don't. I will talk to him in the new year about it. He's opened up to me a bit previously about stuff."

He might not admit it if you ask him directly. You could include him when you're chatting about things with other people so he feels like he can join in. Like you 'invite' him into the conversation. I think you'd be good at that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bloody hell OP your musings have made me think again!

It's a conundrum.

My apologies

You know I like to think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

it's ok. I'm being sensitive must switch that shit off

No, thank you for saying. You know I adore you, and it’s good to communicate. Huggles xx

Quick stop, people will think I have feelings and stuff.

We don't want that happening.

People like to invent who they think you are based on what fits their narrative.

A bit like projective identification

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect

But I do believe it’s a massive problem loads of individuals would rather chat in cyber space rather than face to face hence the socially inept bit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bloody hell OP your musings have made me think again!

It's a conundrum.

My apologies

You know I like to think.

And ask good questions like the OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

I knew you would

How come? What’s the reason I might disagree?

"
I'm extremely perceptive ....can I ask are you lonely or do you ever feel lonely?

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By *oubyLoverWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

People like to invent who they think you are based on what fits their narrative.

And sometimes both sides get it wrong. Nowt so queer as folk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very lonely at times but I think it's me choosing to me. I sadly don't trust people so I often don't engage with people. I guess most think I'm a stuck up cow which is not the case I'm just shy and not wanting to be let down by someone.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely.

It makes you think doesn’t it...I’ve been surrounded by people and felt lonely as anything.

You never know what’s going on for another person.

You truly don't. I will talk to him in the new year about it. He's opened up to me a bit previously about stuff.

He is rather blunt generally. We have a tell it like it is relationship. But i will bare what you say in mind.

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

But proper friend will take this into consideration if you explain yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that I get alot of people who feel to engage in conversation with me, which us quite odd in london. I find it quite refreshing.

I also often play the good morning game, where I just say good morning to random passers by and find that central London is worst place for this, so many weird looks. So far Bristol is the best with 100% reply rate on my couple of visits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm very lonely at times but I think it's me choosing to me. I sadly don't trust people so I often don't engage with people. I guess most think I'm a stuck up cow which is not the case I'm just shy and not wanting to be let down by someone. "
lonely from choice is a whole other scenario though and just merely chatting to someone with no ulterior motive shouldn't require trust

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

With me some people think I am a bit obtuse and not approachable (or a face like a slapped arse)

It’s funny as if I know you, I chat a lot if I don’t then I can be reserved. I like to people watch and because a lot of my interests are not interestings for others I hold back

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

I can relate to that. I am very open with people. It's cost me a few times. Once fecked over they get no second chance generally. I do go into my protective shell from time to time. Generally dust my self off and come back out the same person after a day or so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm one of those pesky people who strike up conversations at the delicattesen in Morrisons (which I did half an hour ago). You never know if it's unwanted attention or not though; but who cares

As a child I was very shy and didn't speak to anyone I didn't know well.

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely.

It makes you think doesn’t it...I’ve been surrounded by people and felt lonely as anything.

You never know what’s going on for another person.

You truly don't. I will talk to him in the new year about it. He's opened up to me a bit previously about stuff.

He is rather blunt generally. We have a tell it like it is relationship. But i will bare what you say in mind."

We have someone like that. We think he's maybe on the autism scale. We look out for him because he's blunt and sometimes harsh (not sure that's the right word but too lazy to look up synonyms) but we know his heart is in the right place so we look out for him.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I have lived alone for over 4 years now, through choice, but I never feel lonely. I only live a 10 minute walk from town, where I can sit on a bench and shout at pigeons and annoy the bejesus out of little old ladies

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

And your contentment level and assessment of it is important. Sounds like all is fine for you then

Had the works xmas do recently. A chap I work with said he envied me for the way I will just talk to anyone. I brushed it off as a d*unken comment. Your post has made me wonder if he is lonely.

It makes you think doesn’t it...I’ve been surrounded by people and felt lonely as anything.

You never know what’s going on for another person.

You truly don't. I will talk to him in the new year about it. He's opened up to me a bit previously about stuff.

He is rather blunt generally. We have a tell it like it is relationship. But i will bare what you say in mind.

That could describe my colleage in fairness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have lived alone for over 4 years now, through choice, but I never feel lonely. I only live a 10 minute walk from town, where I can sit on a bench and shout at pigeons and annoy the bejesus out of little old ladies

It’s the cuckoos I shout at

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I started doing a lot less online when I saw an ex who loved her online friends but struggled with her real life friendships. She could keep the online friends at arm's length but real people need effort. They have problems you have to relate to. it's not all memes about cats.

I turn my router off. It adds a bit more hassle to getting online. It also saves a little electricity, so it's good for my carbon footprint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But proper friend will take this into consideration if you explain yourself

I thought this was the case but I found it during my last bad spell of bipolar that they were not. So I'm friendless and happy to stay that way now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1. Talk to strangers

Many of us cringe at the idea of chatting up a stranger on the subway or in a cafe. In fact, it might seem scary, but we’d probably get more out of it than we realise.

2. Log off, at least sometimes

What does face-to-face contact give us that online communication lacks? For one thing, it boosts our production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that ease pain and enhance wellbeing.

3. Be neighbourly

Do you engage in the three recommendations to stave off loneliness? What other tips do you have for people?

Be well, people. "

I love chatting to people face to face and I’m very sociable, but unfortunately my lifestyle means I often don’t get to see another adult for days at a time. I was lonely throughout my marriage and in fact my ex promoted it as it was another way of him controlling me. Social media is a saving grace for me and some of my friends it’s the one way we can have regular conversations and contact. And I’ve made some great friends through it. But lots of times I’m lonely and I know I’m surrounded by family but that doesn’t always fulfill the need for having company. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm very lonely at times but I think it's me choosing to me. I sadly don't trust people so I often don't engage with people. I guess most think I'm a stuck up cow which is not the case I'm just shy and not wanting to be let down by someone. lonely from choice is a whole other scenario though and just merely chatting to someone with no ulterior motive shouldn't require trust

I get that and I do chat online with folks mainly on here who have been amazing. I don't need face to face interaction to get by, I know some people do. But someone just asking are you ok on here etc does help.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bloody hell OP your musings have made me think again!

It's a conundrum.

My apologies

You know I like to think.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I prefer face to face interaction

And face to cock and face to cunt.

Sure. Seems to be a really big assumption that I am all about sex lately.

Nods. I apologise for my joke. You’re right, it’s horrible when people make assumptions.

it's ok. I'm being sensitive must switch that shit off

No, thank you for saying. You know I adore you, and it’s good to communicate. Huggles xx

Quick stop, people will think I have feelings and stuff.

We don't want that happening.

People like to invent who they think you are based on what fits their narrative.

A bit like projective identification

Exactly!

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

But proper friend will take this into consideration if you explain yourself

I thought this was the case but I found it during my last bad spell of bipolar that they were not. So I'm friendless and happy to stay that way now. "

Sorry to say wrong friend then my old house mate from 20 odd years ago has this we clashed heads many a time I used to think he was a miserable git until one day we had a proper chat about his bipolar he’s been on Prozac for years. He is now married with 2 lovely kids and we are still friends to this day

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect

But I do believe it’s a massive problem loads of individuals would rather chat in cyber space rather than face to face hence the socially inept bit

I’m not disagreeing in totality. I do question the leap from someone’s preference to their absolute social ineptitude. That’s a generalisation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

I knew you would

How come? What’s the reason I might disagree?

I'm extremely perceptive ....can I ask are you lonely or do you ever feel lonely?

I can do, sometimes. I disagree that it’s perceptive to generalise what’s happening for others though, which was why I disagreed with you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

People like to invent who they think you are based on what fits their narrative.

And sometimes both sides get it wrong. Nowt so queer as folk"

So true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But proper friend will take this into consideration if you explain yourself

I thought this was the case but I found it during my last bad spell of bipolar that they were not. So I'm friendless and happy to stay that way now.

I agree I also think some shy away from someone with mental illness, I'm used to it now. My dogs are my company!

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect

But I do believe it’s a massive problem loads of individuals would rather chat in cyber space rather than face to face hence the socially inept bit

I’m not disagreeing in totality. I do question the leap from someone’s preference to their absolute social ineptitude. That’s a generalisation."

You seem to have no problem in this department

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Once bitten, twice shy.

The leap of faith stuff is important. We can live self fulfilling prophecies based on prior experience. Hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you Estella for this post it's been really insightful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I find that I get alot of people who feel to engage in conversation with me, which us quite odd in london. I find it quite refreshing.

Good morning!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm very lonely at times but I think it's me choosing to me. I sadly don't trust people so I often don't engage with people. I guess most think I'm a stuck up cow which is not the case I'm just shy and not wanting to be let down by someone. lonely from choice is a whole other scenario though and just merely chatting to someone with no ulterior motive shouldn't require trust

Should. Should not. People can experience life very differently.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"With me some people think I am a bit obtuse and not approachable (or a face like a slapped arse)

It’s funny as if I know you, I chat a lot if I don’t then I can be reserved. I like to people watch and because a lot of my interests are not interestings for others I hold back

It’s interesting the ideas people form of others.

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

But proper friend will take this into consideration if you explain yourself

I thought this was the case but I found it during my last bad spell of bipolar that they were not. So I'm friendless and happy to stay that way now.

I agree I also think some shy away from someone with mental illness, I'm used to it now. My dogs are my company! "

This is true and I hope you get it sorted x

That’s why I love animals they never judge you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Second chances can be an amazing gift to give people. I caveat, I’m not saying one should I’m all circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm one of those pesky people who strike up conversations at the delicattesen in Morrisons (which I did half an hour ago). You never know if it's unwanted attention or not though; but who cares

As a child I was very shy and didn't speak to anyone I didn't know well."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But proper friend will take this into consideration if you explain yourself

I thought this was the case but I found it during my last bad spell of bipolar that they were not. So I'm friendless and happy to stay that way now.

I agree I also think some shy away from someone with mental illness, I'm used to it now. My dogs are my company!

This is true and I hope you get it sorted x

That’s why I love animals they never judge you x"

I'm in a good place now and yes my dogs never judge but they do sometimes look at me in an odd way

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

"I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

I think I might slightly be a little bit in love with you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I started doing a lot less online when I saw an ex who loved her online friends but struggled with her real life friendships. She could keep the online friends at arm's length but real people need effort. They have problems you have to relate to. it's not all memes about cats.

I turn my router off. It adds a bit more hassle to getting online. It also saves a little electricity, so it's good for my carbon footprint."

I think this is a very astute observation. I think online can be a lifeline for some but the balance can be tipped when it’s the preference over face to face interactions/relationships, where this is an option, as you say — the ability to not be online rather than work through an issue or the ease in maintaining the superficial rather than the effort of direct interactions and the ups/downs. Not saying that there aren’t those potentials online but it would be easier for someone to dip in only at a certain level which is harder to sustain in real life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

1. Talk to strangers

Many of us cringe at the idea of chatting up a stranger on the subway or in a cafe. In fact, it might seem scary, but we’d probably get more out of it than we realise.

2. Log off, at least sometimes

What does face-to-face contact give us that online communication lacks? For one thing, it boosts our production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that ease pain and enhance wellbeing.

3. Be neighbourly

Do you engage in the three recommendations to stave off loneliness? What other tips do you have for people?

Be well, people.

I think this can be a common situation and the reason I would never globalise the issues some have with social media, it really is a lifeline for many. Hugs x

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By *oubyLoverWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I turn my router off. It adds a bit more hassle to getting online. It also saves a little electricity, so it's good for my carbon footprint.

Sometimes it’s easier to hide from real life by ‘appearing’ online.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect

But I do believe it’s a massive problem loads of individuals would rather chat in cyber space rather than face to face hence the socially inept bit

I’m not disagreeing in totality. I do question the leap from someone’s preference to their absolute social ineptitude. That’s a generalisation.

You seem to have no problem in this department

My apologies, what generalisation have I made?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you Estella for this post it's been really insightful "

Thanks KK, how are you doing today, by the way?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

I think I might slightly be a little bit in love with you

Me?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I turn my router off. It adds a bit more hassle to getting online. It also saves a little electricity, so it's good for my carbon footprint.

Sometimes it’s easier to hide from real life by ‘appearing’ online. "

Definitely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm independent. I've chosen to return to England for good. My work is a disadvantage with regards to making friends as I'm always away. My work is isolating. I made plans to change that and then life decided that it has its own plans so I'm back to square one for the next year. I'm very aware that I am lonely. I crave just to be around people. I talk to strangers all the time. I'm at a stage now where I'm terribly unhappy.

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect

But I do believe it’s a massive problem loads of individuals would rather chat in cyber space rather than face to face hence the socially inept bit

I’m not disagreeing in totality. I do question the leap from someone’s preference to their absolute social ineptitude. That’s a generalisation.

You seem to have no problem in this department

My apologies, what generalisation have I made?"

No generalisation I was just pointing out you are very nice and friendly and would be the life and soul of anywhere you go

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

"I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

I think I might slightly be a little bit in love with you

Me? "

Yes but I would have to form an orderly que

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Second chances can be an amazing gift to give people. I caveat, I’m not saying one should I’m all circumstances. "

As in all things. How much I like the person will determine if they get a second chance. Life is never that clear cut really.

May I also add to the lady above's comment that this has been an interesting and thought provoking thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm independent. I've chosen to return to England for good. My work is a disadvantage with regards to making friends as I'm always away. My work is isolating. I made plans to change that and then life decided that it has its own plans so I'm back to square one for the next year. I'm very aware that I am lonely. I crave just to be around people. I talk to strangers all the time. I'm at a stage now where I'm terribly unhappy. "

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this so acutely currently. It’s a far more common issue than people assume, so firstly please know you’re not alone in your loneliness. And hello, I’m Estella, pleased to make your online acquaintance. Thank you so much for posting and being vulnerable in saying you’re lonely. Hugs x

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

"I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

I think I might slightly be a little bit in love with you

Me?

Yes but I would have to form an orderly que

Queue

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Estella this is so correct I’ve been saying this for ages people are becoming socially inept due to texting social media ect

But I do believe it’s a massive problem loads of individuals would rather chat in cyber space rather than face to face hence the socially inept bit

I’m not disagreeing in totality. I do question the leap from someone’s preference to their absolute social ineptitude. That’s a generalisation.

You seem to have no problem in this department

My apologies, what generalisation have I made?

No generalisation I was just pointing out you are very nice and friendly and would be the life and soul of anywhere you go

Bless you, that’s very kind. I’m alright, nothing more, nothing less. But thank you

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Yes, I am lonely.......!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

I knew you would

How come? What’s the reason I might disagree?

I'm extremely perceptive ....can I ask are you lonely or do you ever feel lonely?

I can do, sometimes. I disagree that it’s perceptive to generalise what’s happening for others though, which was why I disagreed with you. "
perception isn't generalising its an instinct

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Second chances can be an amazing gift to give people. I caveat, I’m not saying one should I’m all circumstances.

As in all things. How much I like the person will determine if they get a second chance. Life is never that clear cut really.

May I also add to the lady above's comment that this has been an interesting and thought provoking thread."

thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

I think I might slightly be a little bit in love with you

Me?

Yes but I would have to form an orderly que

Queue"

Hardly!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, I am lonely.......!!"

Well, hello

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"Yes, I am lonely.......!!

Well, hello

Thks............

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

"I just look like a miserable cunt but I’m not really

I think I might slightly be a little bit in love with you

Me?

Yes but I would have to form an orderly que

Queue

Hardly!

Credit where credits due x

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

That's not nice to read. Is your work environment something you can change? Just from your post it sounds like it's basically the route of your problems. I get that you said life got in the way of previous attempts to do so. Obviously there's a lot more to it than your sharing. I appreciate that's your business and I wish you well in getting out of the rutt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you Estella for this post it's been really insightful

Thanks KK, how are you doing today, by the way?

I'm ok today thank you! Hope you're ok? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not natural for me to be outgoing, as I am quite comfortable in my own space and content with quiet. But circumstances made me have to make an effort to be more overt and be the instigator of communication more often. This lead to my awareness of how I appeared to be standoffish to many beforehand.

I guess that I now (sometimes still belatedly) try to ensure that I am more inclusive of others and consider how I can make them feel more comfortable around me.

Which leads me in to your point about neighbourly behaviour. As I now ensure that I say hello to all of mine (even the ones that try and pretend they haven't seen me)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

I knew you would

How come? What’s the reason I might disagree?

I'm extremely perceptive ....can I ask are you lonely or do you ever feel lonely?

I can do, sometimes. I disagree that it’s perceptive to generalise what’s happening for others though, which was why I disagreed with you. perception isn't generalising its an instinct

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, I am lonely.......!!

Well, hello

Thks............

You’re welcome

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you Estella for this post it's been really insightful

Thanks KK, how are you doing today, by the way?

I'm ok today thank you! Hope you're ok? Xx"

I’m glad

I’m good, and not lonely, just musing. Thinking and unlocking ideas.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

When I went through a break up last year I shut

myself away for a month or two to process it. I can attest to an almost palpable feeling of pain relating to loss and loneliness.

Post gets a thumbs up from me.

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford

There are more lonely people, open relationships, early deaths due to loneliness, broken relationships, STI's and unwanted pregnancies over the last decade since the rise of the internet and app dating and accessible pornography. We haven't evolved at all, we have taken a step back. Some psychologists believe we are a danger to our own existence as humans are social beings and since the decline of society and it's norms we cannot prosper. Yay for fab at least we'll all perish alone with balls empty.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not natural for me to be outgoing, as I am quite comfortable in my own space and content with quiet. But circumstances made me have to make an effort to be more overt and be the instigator of communication more often. This lead to my awareness of how I appeared to be standoffish to many beforehand.

I guess that I now (sometimes still belatedly) try to ensure that I am more inclusive of others and consider how I can make them feel more comfortable around me.

Which leads me in to your point about neighbourly behaviour. As I now ensure that I say hello to all of mine (even the ones that try and pretend they haven't seen me)

I’ve been surprised with the impression people can have of me. Or surprised by some people who I had previously thought other of. It’s good to be cognisant of how we might come across, but communication is two way, others should also be less quick to judge without checking in. We all do it, we should be more aware of it and seek to understand and question especially if the view we take is negative. People can be struggling with all kinds of things just at the point our harsh judgement and words and behaviour based on that judgement, can be greatly impacting. Try and live causing the least damage to others and be open to learning where you’re not doing that even if you’re trying to. Perhaps making the effort with those we find the most despicable is important. Perhaps they’re struggling. Perhaps.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When I went through a break up last year I shut

myself away for a month or two to process it. I can attest to an almost palpable feeling of pain relating to loss and loneliness.

Post gets a thumbs up from me.

Heartbreak and loneliness are physically painful. Hoping things are moving forward now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you Estella for this post it's been really insightful

Thanks KK, how are you doing today, by the way?

I'm ok today thank you! Hope you're ok? Xx

I’m glad

I’m good, and not lonely, just musing. Thinking and unlocking ideas.

What you unlocking?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There are more lonely people, open relationships, early deaths due to loneliness, broken relationships, STI's and unwanted pregnancies over the last decade since the rise of the internet and app dating and accessible pornography. We haven't evolved at all, we have taken a step back. Some psychologists believe we are a danger to our own existence as humans are social beings and since the decline of society and it's norms we cannot prosper. Yay for fab at least we'll all perish alone with balls empty."

He perished alone with his balls empty. What an epitaph.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you Estella for this post it's been really insightful

Thanks KK, how are you doing today, by the way?

I'm ok today thank you! Hope you're ok? Xx

I’m glad

I’m good, and not lonely, just musing. Thinking and unlocking ideas.

What you unlocking?

I like outwardly worrying through ideas and the forum views help niggle at strands of thought for me. Often related to me or work related concepts, a way of exploring to look for solutions. Tossing over a problem to get a feel for it helps my creativity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Taking notice (but making sure that I give due consideration, not assuming they are right or wrong) of others views and perceptions has been something I've tried to ensure I do where possible.

Basically, I try and imagine where they are coming from and why they would say what they say. Doesn't always work, but I tell myself that at least I try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a chataholic I chat to everyone everywhere I go not too sure I understand loneliness I think peope have just lost the ability to interact

You never or have never felt lonely? That’s very fortunate. didn't say I haven't felt lonely but that would be an in the moment thing .....for me ,anyway

Ahhh I see. A sort of “pull yourself together” approach, eh?

I’ll agree to disagree that that’s always helpful.

I knew you would

How come? What’s the reason I might disagree?

I'm extremely perceptive ....can I ask are you lonely or do you ever feel lonely?

I can do, sometimes. I disagree that it’s perceptive to generalise what’s happening for others though, which was why I disagreed with you. perception isn't generalising its an instinct

Actually one’s perception, one’s instinct and a generalisation are not mutually exclusive. Being perceptive is also not necessarily the same to having a perception or an instinct. I challenged that in my opinion it wasn’t perceptive to have made the generalisation that those suffering loneliness to the extreme are wallowing, for example. It lacked empathy of another’s experience that appears to be different to your experience, this does not invalidate your perspective but it does call into question being globally perceptive. "
your initial critic insinuating generalising was a comment relating to you and not to people wallowing,theirs a distinct difference to someone who is lonely as a result of choice and those that are lonely because of personality ,being shy is part of your character or self worth in my experience if something bothers you enough you get up and do something about it and that doesn't mean I'm unsympathetic it just means I'm of the opinion that as a human with a brain you make choices ,you choose to wallow or you choose to do something about it ,if you make yourself unattractive to others its self evident what will happen .

Obviously their are exceptions to every rule and many different scenarios of how a person ends up lonely when their are billions of people on the planet but we can only talk about our own experience of these things ,can we not ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Taking notice (but making sure that I give due consideration, not assuming they are right or wrong) of others views and perceptions has been something I've tried to ensure I do where possible.

Basically, I try and imagine where they are coming from and why they would say what they say. Doesn't always work, but I tell myself that at least I try."

Agreed. Although I try to ask more rather than try and imagine these days. Our imagining is limited by our experience and perception of the world.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"your initial critic insinuating generalising was a comment relating to you and not to people wallowing

It wasn’t about me at all.

you assumed I’m posting about me and have drawn your own inferences. I’ve not talked about me in this thread except for answering your direct question once, as to whether I am or have ever felt lonely and I answered in one sentence alone.

My critique was always about the wallowing assumption. But I see you are now clarifying that not everyone who is lonely is wallowing.

Apologies if you thought I was talking about something else, I was just nudging at the initial one size fits all-ness of your initial responses. I see now you’re not saying it’s all the same. Good

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks to the abusive PM-er!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

AngelLondon is full of people from everywhere but London

Do you have to be born in London to be a Londoner? I think not.

well yes you can't call yourself a londoner unless you're born there you're a resident otherwise

In your opinion! I’m a Londoner, resident in your opinion.

Although I'm no longer a resident, I was born in London, lived there most of my life, and will always call myself a Londoner.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Can't say I'd argue much with that claim.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I often chat to strangers but I think that comes natural to me because of the area I live. If you walk down my local high street on a sunny day strangers often say "good morning, what a lovely day".

However, when I visited London earlier this year, I got some very strange looks for chatting to people when travelling on the tube.

I imagine city life can be much more a lonely existence that in the countryside.

AngelLondon is full of people from everywhere but London

Do you have to be born in London to be a Londoner? I think not.

well yes you can't call yourself a londoner unless you're born there you're a resident otherwise

In your opinion! I’m a Londoner, resident in your opinion.

Although I'm no longer a resident, I was born in London, lived there most of my life, and will always call myself a Londoner."

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By *orny IrishMan
over a year ago

Rural Wiltshire

"I prefer face to face interaction

I would prefer a lip to lip interaction with you Miss Honey.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think isolation and loneliness are terrible aspects of our culture, with major consequences for people's health and wellbeing. It's easy for many people to be over wrapped up in the high demands that life loads on them, so that we become incrementally detached from others - those we know well and also the many that our lives fleetingly brush against.

I like my neighbors and we support each other in numerous ways, including lots of chatting. I also am a little promiscuous with chatting to strangers. I find it really rewarding to have a good connection with someone I've bumped into somehow. I recognize a tendency to batten down when weary, thus losing that possibility. But, as with many things, we need to be alert to avoiding that which is good for us, because it's a little challenging. I believe it's essential to maintain the habits of making social connections, so that it remains easy for us.

I know people who purposefully wear headphones or use phones to exclude others - I guess there are many such people. Even without this conscious drive, I find it disturbing to see the many groups where many are using technology, rather than communicating.

Of course loneliness doesn't need being alone to be experienced - many in relationships also have it. But the loneliness and isolation are to be overcome for us to be healthy as social animals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Taking notice (but making sure that I give due consideration, not assuming they are right or wrong) of others views and perceptions has been something I've tried to ensure I do where possible.

Basically, I try and imagine where they are coming from and why they would say what they say. Doesn't always work, but I tell myself that at least I try.

Agreed. Although I try to ask more rather than try and imagine these days. Our imagining is limited by our experience and perception of the world.

I do agree with you Miss Estella. And I do try to ask when I believe my query is going to be welcomed, but a lot of the time I do not believe that it would be. An assumption from myself, which may be incorrect, but one that I believe avoids a potential conflict or upsetting someone.

Or maybe I just think too much

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Taking notice (but making sure that I give due consideration, not assuming they are right or wrong) of others views and perceptions has been something I've tried to ensure I do where possible.

Basically, I try and imagine where they are coming from and why they would say what they say. Doesn't always work, but I tell myself that at least I try.

Agreed. Although I try to ask more rather than try and imagine these days. Our imagining is limited by our experience and perception of the world.

Or maybe I just think too much

That last bit. Correct

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think isolation and loneliness are terrible aspects of our culture, with major consequences for people's health and wellbeing. It's easy for many people to be over wrapped up in the high demands that life loads on them, so that we become incrementally detached from others - those we know well and also the many that our lives fleetingly brush against.

Of course loneliness doesn't need being alone to be experienced - many in relationships also have it. But the loneliness and isolation are to be overcome for us to be healthy as social animals. "

Beautifully articulated and thought provoking

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Taking notice (but making sure that I give due consideration, not assuming they are right or wrong) of others views and perceptions has been something I've tried to ensure I do where possible.

Basically, I try and imagine where they are coming from and why they would say what they say. Doesn't always work, but I tell myself that at least I try.

Agreed. Although I try to ask more rather than try and imagine these days. Our imagining is limited by our experience and perception of the world.

Or maybe I just think too much

Agreed

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

We'll I'm doomed then.

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

"We'll I'm doomed then.

You are highly thought of _eeside x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Taking notice (but making sure that I give due consideration, not assuming they are right or wrong) of others views and perceptions has been something I've tried to ensure I do where possible.

Basically, I try and imagine where they are coming from and why they would say what they say. Doesn't always work, but I tell myself that at least I try.

Agreed. Although I try to ask more rather than try and imagine these days. Our imagining is limited by our experience and perception of the world.

Or maybe I just think too much

That last bit. Correct

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We'll I'm doomed then.

Not so!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

In all seriousness. I like to smile at and say hello to strangers, I'm neighbourly and get on really well with a couple of my neighbours.

I like to be sociable and around people, but I also like my own company.

I'm a nice person to sit and brew with

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In all seriousness. I like to smile at and say hello to strangers, I'm neighbourly and get on really well with a couple of my neighbours.

I like to be sociable and around people, but I also like my own company.

I'm a nice person to sit and brew with "

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

People can be lonely in a room full of people. They can be in a relationship and still feel isolated.

Not everyone is geared up to be the life and soul of the party. Some people prefer their own company for a number of reasons such as having autism, depression, phobias about eating in front of people, etc. I work beside a girl who avoids social events but volunteers with the homeless. She prefers her pets to people at times. Nothing wrong with that either.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People can be lonely in a room full of people. They can be in a relationship and still feel isolated.

Absolutely agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being naturally reclusive/shy I 'trained' myself to stop and talk to people, it made so many social situations easier to deal with, and are now usually quite good at striking up a natural conversation anywhere. (Probably couldn't stop me talking now ) And despite liking my own company, having a few years off having children were quite lonely years, in that I craved adult company, and realised I missed the bit of interaction I did have.

I always make an effort with the one elderly n'bour who lives alone and is a chatterbox, I might want to dash into the house unseen but don't as I know she is usually only out the front doing her gardening to catch people to chat too. The other side is a recluse, we have tried talking but she, nor I really want to so we leave each other in peace

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Being naturally reclusive/shy I 'trained' myself to stop and talk to people, it made so many social situations easier to deal with, and are now usually quite good at striking up a natural conversation anywhere. (Probably couldn't stop me talking now ) And despite liking my own company, having a few years off having children were quite lonely years, in that I craved adult company, and realised I missed the bit of interaction I did have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I talk to strangers in shops/the street/anywhere.

People love it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People can be lonely in a room full of people. They can be in a relationship and still feel isolated.

...

The worst kind of lonely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I talk to strangers in shops/the street/anywhere.

People love it."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People can be lonely in a room full of people. They can be in a relationship and still feel isolated.

...

The worst kind of lonely. "

I imagine it is awful, but I also think that there’s no winners in this, or feeling of comfort to those experiencing other types of loneliness. I think anyone struggling deserves compassion, but I also don’t imagine you’d disagree SH.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People can be lonely in a room full of people. They can be in a relationship and still feel isolated.

...

The worst kind of lonely.

there are*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People can be lonely in a room full of people. They can be in a relationship and still feel isolated.

...

The worst kind of lonely.

Crikey not at all, I didn't mean it was a competition.

Just saying from personal experience.

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

I live alone and work alone etc. Throw in going to the automatic till in the supermarket and I can regularly go for up to 2 weeks without speaking to another person. I have recognised that the comfortable feeling this solitude brings isn't healthy, but it's so easy to withdraw to the point that making the effort to be with people is something I cannot be bothered to do.

Loneliness is something I have to work at avoiding. It can be dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my job I chat all day to people xx but am often alone at night as hubby works backshift xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People can be lonely in a room full of people. They can be in a relationship and still feel isolated.

...

The worst kind of lonely.

Crikey not at all, I didn't mean it was a competition.

Just saying from personal experience."

gotcha xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I live alone and work alone etc. Throw in going to the automatic till in the supermarket and I can regularly go for up to 2 weeks without speaking to another person. I have recognised that the comfortable feeling this solitude brings isn't healthy, but it's so easy to withdraw to the point that making the effort to be with people is something I cannot be bothered to do.

Loneliness is something I have to work at avoiding. It can be dangerous. "

It is an easy numbness, and an increasingly difficult bubble to break out of.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my job I chat all day to people xx but am often alone at night as hubby works backshift xx "

My job involves a lot of connecting with others, often I can be worn out and not want to deal with more people, especially their woes, after work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to talk and be compassionate, friendly and smiley all day long - 5 days a week.

When I clock out I just want to be how I feel ( which is usually knackered)

I live alone, I don't have any children or close family.

But it's OK for me - I like my alone space.

I'm not into small talk with strangers either- I avoid it like the plague

I'm usually the weirdo in the corner alone with headphones on.

I find most other people exhausting!

It's nice to be in company but for short periods of time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have to talk and be compassionate, friendly and smiley all day long - 5 days a week.

When I clock out I just want to be how I feel ( which is usually knackered)

I live alone, I don't have any children or close family.

But it's OK for me - I like my alone space.

I'm not into small talk with strangers either- I avoid it like the plague

I'm usually the weirdo in the corner alone with headphones on.

I find most other people exhausting!

It's nice to be in company but for short periods of time."

I totally understand this.

I need to hibernate to recoup energy to engage again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"your initial critic insinuating generalising was a comment relating to you and not to people wallowing

It wasn’t about me at all.

My critique was always about the wallowing assumption. But I see you are now clarifying that not everyone who is lonely is wallowing.

"
no I think you assumed I assumed you were talking about yourself ,I did eventually ask that question as most do on these threads but I hadn't made that assumption

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"your initial critic insinuating generalising was a comment relating to you and not to people wallowing

It wasn’t about me at all.

My critique was always about the wallowing assumption. But I see you are now clarifying that not everyone who is lonely is wallowing.

no I think you assumed I assumed you were talking about yourself ,I did eventually ask that question as most do on these threads but I hadn't made that assumption

Oh dear. I think you’re being deliberately obtuse which is silly.

What does “your initial critic insinuating generalising was a comment relating to you and not to people wallowing” mean?

Anyway, I happily disagree with what it appeared to me you said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"your initial critic insinuating generalising was a comment relating to you and not to people wallowing

It wasn’t about me at all.

My critique was always about the wallowing assumption. But I see you are now clarifying that not everyone who is lonely is wallowing.

no I think you assumed I assumed you were talking about yourself ,I did eventually ask that question as most do on these threads but I hadn't made that assumption

Oh dear. I think you’re being deliberately obtuse which is silly.

What does “your initial critic insinuating generalising was a comment relating to you and not to people wallowing” mean?

Anyway, I happily disagree with what it appeared to me you said.

"
moi obtuse lol

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

Loneliness is something I have to work at avoiding. It can be dangerous.

It is an easy numbness, and an increasingly difficult bubble to break out of.

Yes, just that. A numbness you end up holding on to. Then when an opportunity to meet people comes along, or a chance to have visitors to stay, which could be positive and fun, I still sometimes turn it down for the comfortably numb routine I am accustomed to, even though I know I need to break the cycle.

Sometimes not being lonely can feel like hard work.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I haven't read through the thread yet. I was thinking of posting something on this myself as I have been looking at loneliness and preventing dementia.

One of the tests asks whether you have at least one person you can connect with regularly but that doesn't deal with feeling lonely amongst people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Loneliness is something I have to work at avoiding. It can be dangerous.

It is an easy numbness, and an increasingly difficult bubble to break out of.

Sometimes not being lonely can feel like hard work. "

Totally!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't read through the thread yet. I was thinking of posting something on this myself as I have been looking at loneliness and preventing dementia.

One of the tests asks whether you have at least one person you can connect with regularly but that doesn't deal with feeling lonely amongst people.

Similar reasons for mulling it here.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Bump as this deserves the 175.

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over a year ago

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over a year ago

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over a year ago

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over a year ago

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