FabSwingers.com forum: I hate my job!!!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.

I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.

It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.

What would you do if you were me?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Run away with your passport in hand!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look for another job. Can't see how 'the family' can stop you from quitting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are you never left alone?

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Look for another job. Can't see how 'the family' can stop you from quitting. "

This.

Everyone needs a life away from work.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The family won't let me quit.

What would you do if you were me?

Quit.

The attrition to your wellbeing is huge being in a job you hate.

Normally I’d suggest you use your non work time to find a new job for a smoother transition in resigning and moving jobs.

But if your personal time is invaded then perhaps you need to quit, and then move forward...

My only other suggestion would be a gentle reminder that we also have some part to play in setting and maintaining our boundaries. You’re on holiday, don’t answer. Hold your boundaries.

What would be the reason why you would not do this? What’s the response you’re concerned about from them if you did?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come and do my job away from home all week very rarely get to know people life of a truckie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quit and do what You want to do... This life ain't a rehearsal and you spend a lot of time working so don't be ground down by "family loyalty".

Put YOU first girl

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By *aughtyMalcMan
over a year ago

Northampton

Estella makes a very good point about setting boundaries.

Perhaps you could tell nocturnal or weekend callers that your normal working hours are whatever they are, and suggest they they call back during them unless there's a dire emergency. It seems that sometimes if you give an inch, people will take a mile.

No job is worth getting really stressed over, it can lead to health problems and unhappiness.

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By *nicecplCouple
over a year ago

TELFORD

"Quit and do what You want to do... This life ain't a rehearsal and you spend a lot of time working so don't be ground down by "family loyalty".

Put YOU first girl

This

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By *hinypants77Man
over a year ago

Leeds

What do you do?

You can always change careers. If you’re not happy and it’s making you miserable then do something about it.

I didn’t enjoy my job for years just chained to the pay check. Made a change and quit. I’ve never looked back. Plan it out throughly and do it! X

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.

I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.

It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.

What would you do if you were me?

Are they Italian? Are you in the mafia?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are you never left alone?"

Probably can't be trusted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to face up to the fact: you're stuck with them forever.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

If you're unhappy at work there's only one thing to do. Your family might make it uncomfortable for you or (hopefully) would support your choices.

YOLO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your surname isn't Fritzl is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Start invoicing for overtime/ unsocial hours pay at triple time. 24 hr on call bonus etc.

I don't imagine it's easy to escape from a family business however

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

When away on holiday or in need of a break , the off button and call divert setting on your mobile are your friends

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

Sell your business,

If you are that busy sell it as a going concern including the client list. It's upto the potential buyer to ensure that they run it to the same standards as yourself to ensure the clients remain loyal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a girl I work with

Absolutely dislike her

She purposely damaged my bag

Love my job

But not a pleasure working with that "lady"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.

I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.

It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.

What would you do if you were me?

Are you Santa ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.

I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.

It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.

What would you do if you were me?

Are you Santa ?"

I think Evie is right. She’s part of the Mafia

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speak to ur family member and explain. Or find a love of your life who enjoys your family business and ask him to share the burden with you...

Good luck

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Explain to them that some big companies have done experiments and these experiments involved strictly enforcing time off.

One company allowed people to take time off for whatever reason they wanted, whenever they wanted, and were in control of when they arrived and left.

Productivity soared, and the whole company became fiercely loyal to their employer and lost hours due to sick days fell dramatically.

See instead of pulling a sick day to sort out some family stuff, they would just take the morning off then go into work later.

Another experiment, was that the company turned off voice mail, and turned off peoples email inbox when they go home at night or went on holiday. This meant their employees started work each morning fresh, and started to process incoming work, and didnt have work pile up in their absence and know there would be a mountain of work building for them every night when they clock off.

This experiment worked so well Diamler is rolling out across their company so away from keyboard means no new work arrives.

Telling customers "Please phone back tomorrow between 9am and 4pm" does not hurt business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plan your exit and stick to your guns

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

Grow a pair and tell them that you are unhappy, only ypu can do something about it, maybe they just do not realise how unhappy you are.

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By *otForSoftiesWoman
over a year ago

The North / Party Hard Everywhere

Sit the family down who you won’t let you leave and say you’re not happy and they need to help you find a way to make it work for you or you need to leave. Bring them in to find a solution.

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By *ootleCouple
over a year ago

Romford, Essex

Estella is right, but from the sound of it quitting really isn’t an option – if it was you probably would have done it by now – which is why you’re asking for alternatives.

I know how business can run your life, I am self employed and my job involves lots of long distance travel away from home which I now dread, I love my home and I love my family even more.

For years the business and the people in it were beginning to ruin my life, interfering with holidays, leaving home early, getting home late, weekends being disrupted, but most people who are self-employed will tell you this is normal.

It was not just affecting my home life but also my health. And like you I can’t quit so that only leaves us with two options 1. Carry on as things are 2. Change things. I went with option 2!

I put up strict barriers between my social life and my work life. I now work from 8.30 to 5.30 Monday to Friday – if the phone rings outside of these times I don’t answer it, I don’t work weekends, I plan my holidays and I take them, again I won’t answer work phone calls while I’m away. I still have to travel – but I’m working on that.

It is difficult, and yes, I did lose some business, but I have gained other clients so no real harm done. Some people and clients who depended on my input at work and had my attention 24/7 did mutter sounds of disapproval – but they had two options - like it or lump it!

You need to take the bull by the horns, because only you can change things for the better - if that’s difficult then look for a local self-assertiveness class, and get the courage to make decisions and then stick to them – it is hard and you will undoubtedly upset a few people, but if they really care for you they will come around eventually and if they don’t then they shouldn’t matter, your life will be much better off without them in it.

The best advice I can give though is: Run your business, don’t let your business run you.

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or have sex in the office with someone, so that your family will fire you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Errmm what sort of business is it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I clarify a point that I may have misinterpreted?

Is it **your** family’s business, or are you working for another family’s family business.

I have to say I read it as the latter initially.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get the family to join fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was at a job a few years ago n a new site agent started n was being shown around n introduced to everyone by the site labourer.....however this was before my start time of 8am,n I was hungover n making myself a much needed coffee before starting.

So the poor guy was only trying to introduce our new boss to us n I started shouting at him...."get tae fuck ya radge! It's no 8 O'clock yet n I don't want to hear a word about work till then ok!"

I didn't like that job anyway....though I still worked there for a few months after that!

Now that might seem like a very extreme reaction.....but it sounds like you're at the opposite end of the scale n are being taken advantage of big time due to you not speaking up for yourself.

You should find a job that you don't dread going to at the very least!

Then get signed off work with a doctors line n get as much sick pay from your old job as you can n just as soon as it runs out is when you quit!

Everyone's a winner

except your previous employer obviously but fuck them!

I wouldn't bother asking for a reference from them if you do go ahead with this

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

Have you consider part-time, hiring someelse to do the travelling

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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral

"Look for another job. Can't see how 'the family' can stop you from quitting. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.

I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.

It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.

What would you do if you were me?

Family expectations are a heavy burden to carry.

You say your family won't let you quit, how can they stop you?

Don't carry on until something happens that brings things to a head or your physical and mental health suffers.

Can you start small. Turn your phone off, refuse to work outside of reasonable hours, don't respond when you're on holiday. Once you establish small habits it becomes accepted, you can then work on bigger issues.

The alternative is to turn your back on it all. That might bring the family up short and be the catalyst for change.

Why not start with Christmas? Don't do anything to do with work from Friday night until Wednesday morning.

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By *rincessvenusCouple
over a year ago

Hull

ahh family business 24 7 365 days welcome to the club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Look for another job. Can't see how 'the family' can stop you from quitting. "

This

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By *oubyLoverWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"It's a family business and The family won't let me quit.

Is it the mafia?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All really helpful advice, thank you. This is an issue for a close friend. Thankfully she can get another job and she's now finally looking after months of me nagging. She's the only trained person in her role with no deputy or back up at all.

It reminded me of this story a few months ago, which is what the 'family business' part of my OP was about. Prince Harry said he wanted to quit.

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-40396449

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Undertakers,, letting agents or builders.

Put an out of hours rota in,divert to xxxx when its their turn.

It's your life too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Explain to them that some big companies have done experiments and these experiments involved strictly enforcing time off.

One company allowed people to take time off for whatever reason they wanted, whenever they wanted, and were in control of when they arrived and left.

Productivity soared, and the whole company became fiercely loyal to their employer and lost hours due to sick days fell dramatically.

See instead of pulling a sick day to sort out some family stuff, they would just take the morning off then go into work later.

This experiment worked so well Diamler is rolling out across their company so away from keyboard means no new work arrives.

Telling customers "Please phone back tomorrow between 9am and 4pm" does not hurt business."

This is really cool. Relevant to where I work unfortunately. The Management don't think that sleep is an acceptable reason for not replying to emails!! Managers work to 2am. Back in the office at 8am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All really helpful advice, thank you. This is an issue for a close friend. Thankfully she can get another job and she's now finally looking after months of me nagging. She's the only trained person in her role with no deputy or back up at all.

It reminded me of this story a few months ago, which is what the 'family business' part of my OP was about. Prince Harry said he wanted to quit.

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-40396449"

Glad to hear it’s not you struggling, and hope your friend finds a suitable resolution!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It reminded me of this story a few months ago, which is what the 'family business' part of my OP was about. Prince Harry said he wanted to quit.

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-40396449

Glad to hear it’s not you struggling, and hope your friend finds a suitable resolution!

Bad time to be finding a new job at xmas. I'm hoping she doesn't give up and stay at the same place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bad time to be finding a new job at xmas. I'm hoping she doesn't give up and stay at the same place.

Nods. If she just treats it as a part time job - whilst doing the current one, invest 3-4hrs a week in her marketing job.

Product to market - herself.

It doesn’t have to be a massive all or nothing feat, just focused timebound productive activity, and chip away at it.

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