FabSwingers.com forum: Odd reactions to singledom

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Recently something happened that got me curious about societal expectations-

Currently am single and childless at 37 and when I was talking to someone in a vanilla capacity they expressed a real surprise that I was.

I got the impression that they thought something was wrong with me although obviously wasn’t going to reveal my extra curricular activities on here or clubs- like I was washed up

It’s cropped up again and it certainly doesn’t bother me as quite happily living my life but it’s definitely present as a mindset in some.

Anyone else come across this? Maybe females have this and more if childless

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I know several people in their 30’s who don’t have kids and are single. Through choice. It’s a shame in this day and age that personal choice is criticised.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Exactly- I often wonder if people are behind the wheel of their own lives now having noticed this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive been bluntly asked 'why not?' when im asked if i have kids..though usually in a work capacity, by old ladies, who have a god given right apparently to make personal comments, but otherwise no, never felt any criticism for being single or chldless..i dont think people give a shit nowadays,except the occasional nosy old lady..

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Sadly, it still seems to be expected by a large number of people, that everyone should get married and reproduce. That if you don't you have some how failed

When we said we were getting married, it surprised me just how many people assumed that we were planning to start a family together.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate that being single is seen as a weird choice and that everyone thinks you can't possibly be happy if you aren't part of a couple. I think that is why so many end up in shitty relationships with people they don't know or like very much!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I hate that being single is seen as a weird choice and that everyone thinks you can't possibly be happy if you aren't part of a couple. I think that is why so many end up in shitty relationships with people they don't know or like very much!"

It’s sad if they do because others expect them too- like a form of peer pressure or group think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 50 next month and have no kids.

Not totally by choice (I've lost 2) but I get all kinds of judgements.... even now!

I'm no longer bothered by it but it used to really upset me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had designs on having sprogs, already too many of those little bastards roaming about the place. And marriage is worth approximately Jack shit these days so that's out the window.

It's not the 1950's so people who think my life choices are odd can just go ahead and get fucked.

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By *ilent.KnightMan
over a year ago

Swindon

I find it’s the people who find it the oddest... also seem to be the ones who spend the most times complaining about their OH ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't have kids till I was 30 and had been with partner over 10 yrs. Could see all the elderly relatives starting to twitch and wonder what was 'wrong'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't have kids till I was 30 and had been with partner over 10 yrs. Could see all the elderly relatives starting to twitch and wonder what was 'wrong'

Spinster! Get back on yer shelf!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are people who just can't help pressing their uncalled for opinions on others, regardless of the subject.

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By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago

North West

I have a boyfriend at the mo but I’ve been single for years. Almost 39 and no children. It’s everyone else than obcesses about finding me a partner. I’m happy just being me.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

I get people asking why I’ve got no kids, but if I’ve not met someone who I want kids with surely that’s a good thing? It means I listened in the contraception lesson at school

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't have kids till I was 30 and had been with partner over 10 yrs. Could see all the elderly relatives starting to twitch and wonder what was 'wrong'

Spinster! Get back on yer shelf!

I should be a granny by now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

I get people asking why I’ve got no kids, but if I’ve not met someone who I want kids with surely that’s a good thing? It means I listened in the contraception lesson at school

Because your a lass..what else are you supposed to do? I mean yeah it's nice you have a job and a life and hobbies and all that but what your actually supposed to be is a mum first and foremost..nature, innit

waste o' good boobs otherwise

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"Recently something happened that got me curious about societal expectations-

Currently am single and childless at 37 and when I was talking to someone in a vanilla capacity they expressed a real surprise that I was.

I got the impression that they thought something was wrong with me although obviously wasn’t going to reveal my extra curricular activities on here or clubs- like I was washed up

It’s cropped up again and it certainly doesn’t bother me as quite happily living my life but it’s definitely present as a mindset in some.

Anyone else come across this? Maybe females have this and more if childless

Unfortunately on fab at least, some singles are single for a good reason.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I have children, but I've chosen to be single for the last 12ish yrs.

I have friends who just can't accept I'm happy as I am.

To the point of actually falling out with several, who constantly took it upon themselves to fix me up with blind dates, at parties or nights out.

Obviously they don't know about my 'other' life, quite often tempted to actually tell them, just to get them off my back from playing matchmaker!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't have kids till I was 30 and had been with partner over 10 yrs. Could see all the elderly relatives starting to twitch and wonder what was 'wrong'

Spinster! Get back on yer shelf!

I should be a granny by now

I've not gotten to the dad stage yet! Closest I've got is accidentally leaving a condom down the side of the bed and it going mouldy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never had designs on having sprogs, already too many of those little bastards roaming about the place. And marriage is worth approximately Jack shit these days so that's out the window.

It's not the 1950's so people who think my life choices are odd can just go ahead and get fucked. "

Exactly!

I'm in my 40's and I'm single without children.

I haven't got children because I don't like them.

It really is as simple as that.

And as christos said - if people don't like it they can get fucked

I never got married either - which is a good thing as I would have been divorced twice by now

Some people expect others to walk the same path as them like a herd of fucking sheep!

Let the sheeple get on with it and us outsiders will live the life we choose giving zero fucks what they think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

This pretty much sums me up too. I would like to meet someone but not just anyone for the sake of not being on my own. I've never wanted kids and never will. Some find that odd, many said when I was younger that I'd change my mind, I knew I wouldn't and never did!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't have kids till I was 30 and had been with partner over 10 yrs. Could see all the elderly relatives starting to twitch and wonder what was 'wrong'

Spinster! Get back on yer shelf!

I should be a granny by now

I've not gotten to the dad stage yet! Closest I've got is accidentally leaving a condom down the side of the bed and it going mouldy "

Penicillin is your baby now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always hoped I’d be married with kids by now but I’ve always met the right one at the wrong time or the wrong one at the right time. So it goes

I’m just getting on and enjoying life now (especially on here). It’s nobody’s business but my own

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Try being a 43 year female with no kids and no husband ex or otherwise!

It's not soo bad now, but a few years ago the looks on so many other women's faces when I said I had never wanted kids, you would have thought I had committed the cardinal sin of murder

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Glad to see it’s not actually me lol

After the original post I remembered a mate quietly confessing to keep up what I was doing- he browsed my fb page and jokingly was ‘jealous’ that I do what I want when I want.

Not in a regretful way just he applauded me for actually living

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Oh I've definitely experienced the surprised expressions from people (usually guys at work that I've only known for a couple of days or weeks) that I'm single and childless in my thirties. Then there's the other idiots who think that I must be gay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are just behind the curve! Some of us choose to simply go our own way and not get sucked into what society wants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont get me wrong im happy that im single and would love to meet a lady to spend the rest of my life with and someone who accepts me for who i am....yes ok i love cock too !! Ha ha for the right woman it could be an opportunity!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Unfortunately not found that fab fwb yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never had designs on having sprogs, already too many of those little bastards roaming about the place. And marriage is worth approximately Jack shit these days so that's out the window.

It's not the 1950's so people who think my life choices are odd can just go ahead and get fucked.

Exactly!

I'm in my 40's and I'm single without children.

I haven't got children because I don't like them.

It really is as simple as that.

And as christos said - if people don't like it they can get fucked

I never got married either - which is a good thing as I would have been divorced twice by now

Some people expect others to walk the same path as them like a herd of fucking sheep!

Let the sheeple get on with it and us outsiders will live the life we choose giving zero fucks what they think

I tend not to get it too much from friends as they know me well but from certain family members and family friend types giving it the 'when you going to settle down?' Type nonsense....

What? Because I'm not married, have no children, choose to have no mortgage or associated bullshit 9 to 5 job to keep it paid and don't have a bmw that'll be mine once i pay the hp on it. Because I don't spend my evening after work watching television or sky sports or whatever, because i don't hope to retire at 65 when i can take up my hobbies full time No thanks..that sounds like a living hell to me. Screw that

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

I get people asking why I’ve got no kids, but if I’ve not met someone who I want kids with surely that’s a good thing? It means I listened in the contraception lesson at school

waste o' good boobs otherwise

Shh don’t tell people about my hobbies you’ll put everyone off me

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Sadly, it still seems to be expected by a large number of people, that everyone should get married and reproduce. That if you don't you have some how failed

When we said we were getting married, it surprised me just how many people assumed that we were planning to start a family together.

Nita"

When my sister said "I've something to tell you" I replied "you're getting married!" She later said I was the only one that said that, everyone else said "you're pregnant".

I have several friends my age, male and female who have never married/had children. It wouldn't cross my mind to ask why not/didn't you want any?

People don't think. I have three girls and people often say oh shame. Wouldn't you have wanted a boy. When I say my son died they apologise, but if they'd just thought before speaking...

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Never had designs on having sprogs, already too many of those little bastards roaming about the place. And marriage is worth approximately Jack shit these days so that's out the window.

It's not the 1950's so people who think my life choices are odd can just go ahead and get fucked. "

You sound like my other half. 56, never married and left his country, Holland, when his girlfriend talked about kids. He's never had any desire to have kids and avoided single mums...then he met me!

He asks for notice when the grandkids are coming...don't know why.. four under twos not a problem surely?!!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Try being a 43 year female with no kids and no husband ex or otherwise!

It's not soo bad now, but a few years ago the looks on so many other women's faces when I said I had never wanted kids, you would have thought I had committed the cardinal sin of murder

My sister never wanted children of her own. She said she'd eventually adopt. In Italy where she lives, only married couples who have tried for years, undergone ivf can adopt babies.

As a mixed race couple there were no babies but she didn't want one. She wanted a child about eight. When they said adoption was their first choice they had to undergo a year of psych evaluations and all kinds of tests. There were 12 couples in their group they were the last to be offered a child and they had to go to Brazil to get her.

Apparently they were seen as weirdos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

I get people asking why I’ve got no kids, but if I’ve not met someone who I want kids with surely that’s a good thing? It means I listened in the contraception lesson at school

waste o' good boobs otherwise

Shh don’t tell people about my hobbies you’ll put everyone off me

Your hobbies blow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What the hell is wrong with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What the hell is wrong with you

Who are you asking hun?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What the hell is wrong with you

Who are you asking hun?"

OP. Was just kidding though. I’m in a slightly deviant mood tonight

Chuckle

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What the hell is wrong with you

Who are you asking hun?

OP. Was just kidding though. I’m in a slightly deviant mood tonight

Chuckle"

Not much as far as I can tell- just it seems we tend to think and act independently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never had designs on having sprogs, already too many of those little bastards roaming about the place. And marriage is worth approximately Jack shit these days so that's out the window.

It's not the 1950's so people who think my life choices are odd can just go ahead and get fucked.

You sound like my other half. 56, never married and left his country, Holland, when his girlfriend talked about kids. He's never had any desire to have kids and avoided single mums...then he met me!

He asks for notice when the grandkids are coming...don't know why.. four under twos not a problem surely?!!

Ahh see I've dated women with children before, I never minded that to be honest and have gotten on well with the kids in fact, I've just never had the desire myself to create another..there are loads of em everywhere you look, we definitely aren't running out of humans so I'm gonna leave it I think..if it should happen one day i'm sure I'd just get on with it in reality.

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By *arciocialWoman
over a year ago

Leicester

I have children and have the shocked reaction that I'm single. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a single mother or just because I'm single, it's not something I planned but a choice I made and rightfully so.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

I get people asking why I’ve got no kids, but if I’ve not met someone who I want kids with surely that’s a good thing? It means I listened in the contraception lesson at school

waste o' good boobs otherwise

Shh don’t tell people about my hobbies you’ll put everyone off me

Your hobbies blow

at least my fingering is good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

I get people asking why I’ve got no kids, but if I’ve not met someone who I want kids with surely that’s a good thing? It means I listened in the contraception lesson at school

waste o' good boobs otherwise

Shh don’t tell people about my hobbies you’ll put everyone off me

Your hobbies blow

at least my fingering is good

Public group fingering at that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't have kids till I was 30 and had been with partner over 10 yrs. Could see all the elderly relatives starting to twitch and wonder what was 'wrong'

Spinster! Get back on yer shelf!

I should be a granny by now

I've not gotten to the dad stage yet! Closest I've got is accidentally leaving a condom down the side of the bed and it going mouldy

Penicillin is your baby now "

Star sign, latex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know you're single when there's 2 toolboxes and a mig welder sat in the kitchen and no one's going mental about it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You know you're single when there's 2 toolboxes and a mig welder sat in the kitchen and no one's going mental about it "

There’s a cylinder head on my table- set out in the correct order ready to rebuild

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for everyone who replied- a really good source of experience on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reseating valves sat watching telly. Your living the dream sir

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

"I'm single because I've not met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'll not settle just to be part of a couple. If people think that's odd, that's not my issue. I genuinely don't care

Just yesterday, I had to listen to someone giving me tips on how to meet someone when all I wanted to do was buy something from this guy & go home.

Join the ramblers club, volunteer blah blah…I do plenty of volunteering bcos I want to volunteer & not bcos I want to meet a man!

He asked if I'd really tried & I got so fed up that I told him that I thought he was being way too simplistic about people meeting & easily finding someone compatible. Its not easy & its very complex. I'm not up my own arse but I know I'd need a very unusual type of person for me to want to spend my life with them. I have long resigned myself to the fact that it may never happen, but I'm ok with that. I don't believe my life would be more fulfilling if i opted to be with just anyone for the sake of not being alone…for me or for them.

Having said that, I'm definitely not against the idea…its just that experience tells me its very unlikely. If I can live with that I don't know why people feel the need to interfere

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"You know you're single when there's 2 toolboxes and a mig welder sat in the kitchen and no one's going mental about it "

Or like me...you just give up! My beautiful home is now more Plumb Centre than House & Gardens. The other day this wailing was coming out of one of Ben's bags in the lounge. Nearly gave me a heart attack. Couldn't find the source. Finally found it, don't know what the machine was but the screen on it said it was due for recalibration.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Married people like to make out there's a problem with being single to hide their own misery.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Married people like to make out there's a problem with being single to hide their own misery."

Haha, that's exactly what I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know several people in their 30’s who don’t have kids and are single. Through choice. It’s a shame in this day and age that personal choice is criticised.

Someone being surprised is not criticism.

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