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what you dont want to hear on a meet!

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By *ornwall-male OP   Man
over a year ago

newquay

things you dont want to hear on a meet lol.

for instance... can we just watch eastenders first?!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

does it extend ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"things you dont want to hear on a meet lol.

for instance... can we just watch eastenders first?!! "

Yeah, Coronation Street I can understand, at least it's not so gloomy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"things you dont want to hear on a meet lol.

for instance... can we just watch eastenders first?!! "

"My husbands away for the day" (click as the key turns in the front door)

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Was that it?

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

do I really need to use a condom?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Is it in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An echo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so on our 24th visit to chams...." (que slide show and pretzels....zzzzzz)

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

are you clean cos i dont wanna catch that aids again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

are you clean cos i dont wanna catch that aids again"

"Its ok I am on the beetroot"

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"

are you clean cos i dont wanna catch that aids again

"Its ok I am on the beetroot""

pickled?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What shall we call him/ her xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what are you like at building flat pack wardrobes ?

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Oh, just like a prick but only smaller.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what are you like at building flat pack wardrobes ?"

"My wife left me three months ago, do you fancy going down the pub for a drink"

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Bert, there's a man here to see you"

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Genuinley happened to a mate....

Can u wait i got to harvest my strawberries on farmville

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

my mrs wanted to join but the childminder didnt turn up , so only me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

"Bert, there's a man here to see you""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i haven't had my results back yet, but they'd have been in touch by now if anything was wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I normaly take a size bigger

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"Don't mind about the cat, she always lies on the bed!"

As happened to me at one meet once!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and this is mum .............

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By *ornwall-male OP   Man
over a year ago

newquay

can you put my teeth in that class of water first lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shag just like my brother xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

that'll be £200 please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh! You meant THAT kind of TV, I'll get me coat"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

do you mind if I feel your balls, I really miss mine

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"that'll be £200 please"

Fuck me, Manchesters dear innit?

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By *ornwall-male OP   Man
over a year ago

newquay

ha ha some great answers guys.

wouldnt want to hear, oh can you just wait, im just finishing with the milkman!

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Have you a good solicitor.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

[Removed by poster at 15/09/11 00:48:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just as the restraints snap shut

'have you seen hostel ?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and this is the patio"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what colour wedding dresses do you prefer xx

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

ring, ring, time's up, next please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you make yourself comfy. i'll be in in a minute when i've finished digging the patio up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

come in number 5

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

calling all cars

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"No, i'm not that flame haired nymphomaniac wench who needs a good fucking up the arsehole. This is no 42 not 24."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my wife will be back in a minute, she has just gone for a canoe around the coast"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just a minute while i put the kids in bed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A toast to the end of my stalking asbo xx

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Don't criticise my spelling of patio, it's not my fault I CARNT FUCKING SPELL POTATO!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

here comes the bride

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh you meant that kind of dogging"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooh you look just like my tenth husband xx

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Ethel, meet yer father at long last."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you mind if the dog watches xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you looked much nicer in your pictures

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By *ornwall-male OP   Man
over a year ago

newquay

do i know you? lol

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Oh, hello soapy" lol

with sincere apologies. xx

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Yes, that's my telegram form the Queen. Nice isn't it, my son framed it for me."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so yes, when Roy was released from prison for the 3rd time (ABH you know, he gets so jealous) we thought, why not try swinging"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't mind granny she likes to watch xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ya know, you look just like thora hird

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"I am Thora Hird"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

"Oh, hello soapy" lol

with sincere apologies. xx"

I'll let ya off pmsl xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

"I am Thora Hird""

come off it dumbo u can't kid me, back to the circus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh sorry,,,i didnt bring condoms???

i thot you would have them??

yeah righto

auds xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you going to be my new uncle?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My phyciatrist says that socialising more may help with my rehab xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry i've just had a prolapse, can you just pass me them knitting needles ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so a lump hammer and a length of rope isn't what you had in mind when u said 'bring toys' ?

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

You shoulda come in short sleeves, and i'd take yer watch off if you dont wanna lose it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought you were bringing the woman??"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've won the bet, now you can fuck off!"

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Oh, it's you again"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dead man, dead man walking"

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By *ornwall-male OP   Man
over a year ago

newquay

can you just pop to asda and get me some shopping first? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this is big brother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I didn't have school in the morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wish I didn't have school in the morning"

it's alright, i've ironed your uniform

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wish I didn't have school in the morning

it's alright, i've ironed your uniform"

"Sir, you are being arrested on suspicion of grooming a minor over the internet"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can ya rub some anusol on my piles while ya down there?

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By *ornwall-male OP   Man
over a year ago

newquay

are you any good at painting and decourating lol

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

well, if you didnt get a shock off of me lawn mower, you will now, i'm not putting out for you or anyone.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Do you eat grapes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So yes, when Michael died, we got custody of Bubbles"

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Where's all the women?

he says twice.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

When i saidwear protection, i didnt mean a suit of armour, fuckwit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh, this is a SINGING club, I wish I had a coat"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't mind the banging on the ceiling, the tablets will take effect soon.

Can you hear the voices as well? Shuushh stop telling me to touch her!, did you hear that one?

Its not normally this spotty :/

And the 4th and final offering.....

Put the lotion in the basket!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I see dead people"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heres Jonny xx

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Yeah, it'll be a piece of carrot, the last guy puked up whilst he was down there."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you mind if Mr Teddy has cuddles time as well?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok enough I am out of here, going to bed" (no really)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you ever tried a Boston Steamer?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you mind if Mr Teddy has cuddles time as well? "

Don't even joke about that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""ok enough I am out of here, going to bed" (no really)"

Night night xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agrees with the fit arse ^^^ no really! Its bedtime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Night Soapy, try not to extend the thread too long, there will be no space for the morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you mind if Mr Teddy has cuddles time as well?

Don't even joke about that!"

I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but seriously a teddy at your age, and I said yes to him being in the bed, just not inbetween us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you mind if Mr Teddy has cuddles time as well?

Don't even joke about that!

I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but seriously a teddy at your age, and I said yes to him being in the bed, just not inbetween us "

Mr Cuddles, is always up for a meet, you on the other hand.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you mind if Mr Teddy has cuddles time as well?

Don't even joke about that!

I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but seriously a teddy at your age, and I said yes to him being in the bed, just not inbetween us

Mr Cuddles, is always up for a meet, you on the other hand....... "

I have no teddies to bring to the picnic

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By *INKKKYMan
over a year ago

LIVERPOOL/ WIRRAL


"Do you mind if Mr Teddy has cuddles time as well?

Don't even joke about that!

I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but seriously a teddy at your age, and I said yes to him being in the bed, just not inbetween us

Mr Cuddles, is always up for a meet, you on the other hand.......

I have no teddies to bring to the picnic "
you do like horseplay dont you?

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

'Any idea what the symptoms of Syphilis feel like?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry im late i had to sneak out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

since my last meet, i've done nothing but itch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can you just move your head, i can't see the snooker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think i love you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

play dead for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try and ignore the pessary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not so much a 'things you don't want to hear' but (true story) my friend did go home with someone who's chosen bedside reading was 'theory and practice in modern embalming'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

..... pass me another, this ones split.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 15/09/11 10:27:56]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

don't you think the warts feel like a ribbed condom

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Dont worry about dad being there, he is being buried tomorrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you just give me a blow job.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

HIGH FIVE!!!!! ?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

promise I will last longer next time... bye x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi come into the living room and say hi to the wife and my 2 kids x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

tastes like bournville...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you read these angry texts I got off my girlfriend earlier and give me a woman's perspective on what might be her problem"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear... imodium hasn't worked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Daniel O Donnell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

next one's here in ten minutes, so get a move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While your down there can you just have a quick check to see if I've wiped fully

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just think of it like an egg butty,it might smell but it tastes good

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

This thread is making me giggle!

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden


"This thread is making me giggle! "

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"This thread is making me giggle!

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree."

The latter, although if you pop onto the worst meet thread you'll see the calibre of men I'm used to!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"NEXT!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This thread is making me giggle!

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree."

What's wrong with reading the forums whilst having sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""NEXT!!""

"GEORGE"

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden


"This thread is making me giggle!

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree.

What's wrong with reading the forums whilst having sex? "

It's the running commentaries I can't stand and live 10 out of 10 scoring on each act/position. It put's me off my stroke so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So yes, we normally start our meets by watching the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and Brian here dresses up like Gollum"

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden


"This thread is making me giggle!

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree.

The latter, although if you pop onto the worst meet thread you'll see the calibre of men I'm used to! "

I just read, LOL

You poor poor girl, come sit on uncle funky's lap and I'll make it all go away.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"This thread is making me giggle!

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree.

The latter, although if you pop onto the worst meet thread you'll see the calibre of men I'm used to!

I just read, LOL

You poor poor girl, come sit on uncle funky's lap and I'll make it all go away."

If I get a sympathy shag out of it my work here is done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you have to bring ya mother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i usually say

thanks but i dont want to play

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Did you have to bring ya mother "

"Does your daughter play?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ya sister gives a better blow job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'll have a shower after !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Elizabeth has always wanted to try swinging, haven't you Your Majesty"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you said it was made of gold, I just thought you were picky!"

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

thats not how ya father/mother does it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just come from the clinic and they said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its nice to see you again dear brother, but we have a "friend" arriving in a minute"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt go in the bathroom for 20 mins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't mind the film crew, there are doing a documentary on "Dirty Slapperz" for channel 5"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats that horrible smell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After seeing what you have under your foreskin I have been put off cottage cheese for life

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"I wouldnt go in the bathroom for 20 mins"

That actually happened to me once.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt go in the bathroom for 20 mins

That actually happened to me once. "

Another note taken (it would just be easier if you mailed me a list )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"before we begin can you put my ointment on me please. Don't worry its not that inflamed at the moment."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt go in the bathroom for 20 mins

That actually happened to me once. "

Blimey woman lol... you could write a book on bad swinging experiences xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This thread is making me giggle!

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree.

What's wrong with reading the forums whilst having sex? "

You would be surprised how many times that's happened ta me xx

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"I wouldnt go in the bathroom for 20 mins

That actually happened to me once.

Another note taken (it would just be easier if you mailed me a list )"

LOL usually people ask what sort of things I like on the meet and I tell them top of the list is that they turn up, and the rest can go from there, but there is so much potential for disaster.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"I wouldnt go in the bathroom for 20 mins

That actually happened to me once.

Blimey woman lol... you could write a book on bad swinging experiences xx"

The more you meet, the more can go horribly wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This thread is making me giggle!

Do you mean hearing that during a meet? i.e. you were having sex and your meet was posting on Fab at the same time?

Or were you simply commenting on this thread?

Either way I agree.

What's wrong with reading the forums whilst having sex?

You would be surprised how many times that's happened ta me xx "

Not that surprised actually... I know your intended

*waits for the abuse*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't mind the tag, and I also can't walk you to the end of the garden

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I don't look like my pictures, that's my son, I just thought you wouldn't want to meet a 70 year old...but now your here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Not that surprised actually... I know your intended

*waits for the abuse* "

If that was aimed anywhere near me, you missed , if it was aimed at another, I hope you winged the bastard!

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By *peedypeteMan
over a year ago

derby

It's Ok it's not catching.

Once the kids are asleep they won't come down.

We haven't done this before.

WE haven't got around to updating the pictures (for five years!)

They all ones that have been said to me on meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You never said you were allergic to rehipnol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never actually done it before,,,,, but I’ve watched lots of David Attenborough programs, so I think I’ve got the gist!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can i use your loo i have a dodgy tummy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mum??....Dad??...Granddad??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You said you were ok with loose women" (click on goes the TV)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't got any genitalia

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

the jeremy kyle show are calling... they want to speak to you!!!

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By *ornwall-male OP   Man
over a year ago

newquay

can you lend me £50?!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can ya just move ya head to the side i can't quite see the *rugby!*

*insert favourite tv programme here*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've just followed through

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man to Woman: I think by looking at you I'm gonna need a dose of Viagra to get started.

Woman to Man: Stop the foreplay, it ain't working... I'm off to get the lube.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi how are u, welcome, just caught u there!, I was in the loo and guess what...Ive run out of toilet paper....fancy licking my arsehole clean????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi how are u, welcome, just caught u there!, I was in the loo and guess what...Ive run out of toilet paper....fancy licking my arsehole clean????"

Have you had a curry for tea?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"May I just say that’s a lovely cardigan your wearing this evening",,,, "I have sweater with a bold snowflake pattern on it !"…… "Would you like to see my sci-fi comic-book collection first?"… "we’ve got two hours before mother returns home!!"… "so there’s plenty time!!!" ,,,, "no need to rush!!!!"…. "Would like a cuppa soup,?"... "What’s your favourite soup?!…. "Mines Minestrone"! … "I always drink soup from my batman mug… would you like to see it?"….. "have you got a special mug?"…… "Oop’s am I talking to much?"…. "I sometimes talk too much when I nervous"!!!!……. "have you done this before"?…. "Its my first time"!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NNNEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTT!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/09/11 19:16:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you said a 3 incher ,thought you meant girth? think ive left the iron on ,be back later.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

did you bring the pics of your mum and dad for the mantlepiece

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By *heckus2Couple
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable, here have this copy of Watchtower!

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