FabSwingers.com forum: Preconceived by Pm's

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you concerned by what someone thinks of you by the way you communicate? Are you concerned what someone thinks of you by the way you Pm or reply to Pm, even further, if you don't reply?

Swinging/Fab i see as a social activity as well as people enjoying sex together, so I've always replied to mail, i don't have a problem if too much mail, but by replying i hope I show I'm friendly and talkative. (I don't buy into 'deleted message is a polite no!)

First impressions are the strongest impressions aren't they?

This isn't asking if you do reply or not or why. My question is, are you bothered what people think of you, if you do or you don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not bothered what people think of me at all.

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By *aelawMan
over a year ago

Paisley

Personally, I prefer people get to know me and I get to know them. I don't tend to worry about what others think as all I can be is me, and that sure as hell is not for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh I don't care what people think of me I know that I'm a nice gal and if they can't see that then why would I want to know them

I don't like bad manners though and ignorance in forums post do sometimes make me think why bother commenting on a thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mostly, no, but I get a little twinge of guilt if someone has obviously put effort into a msg but there's no attraction on my part and the inevitable no thanks msg gets sent.

Peach x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Tbh I don't care what people think of me I know that I'm a nice gal and if they can't see that then why would I want to know them "

But how are they going to see that, what's your best possible way of showing that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not bothered what people think of me at all."

Even the people you want to meet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I don't care what people think of me I know that I'm a nice gal and if they can't see that then why would I want to know them

But how are they going to see that, what's your best possible way of showing that? "

By my chatting in the forums

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Tbh I don't care what people think of me I know that I'm a nice gal and if they can't see that then why would I want to know them

But how are they going to see that, what's your best possible way of showing that?

By my chatting in the forums "

But the forums are only 3% of the users of the site (apparently)Are you not bothered about the heavy majority and what they think of you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes to a certain degree, I try to come across as polite and nice. Sometimes I'm too nice for my own good, and I don't use the block button enough. Though on here people only get to see the one side of me but that's all they need. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I don't care what people think of me I know that I'm a nice gal and if they can't see that then why would I want to know them

But how are they going to see that, what's your best possible way of showing that?

By my chatting in the forums

But the forums are only 3% of the users of the site (apparently)Are you not bothered about the heavy majority and what they think of you? "

I already chat a lot in Pm's to guys who are mainly around the forums so no to be honest I'm not bothered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not bothered what people think of me at all.

Even the people you want to meet? "

Well i never messege guys first asking them to meet us so they have always messeged me first. If they don't like my reply then im not bothered at all as its far to soon for me to know if we were interested in meeting them anyway. Plus there are plenty more guys out there to meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a really interesting point, essentially anyone wanting to arrange a meet ‘should’ in theory ‘care’ what the other person thinks, but given the ratio, there is probably a lot less requirement for it to pop into the thought process of someone who receives hundreds of messages and fabs a day, compared to the kind of person that gets one!

10p in now I’m out

(The requirement to seem humorous when posting in forums)

No-one offering any cake?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not bothered what people think of me at all.

Even the people you want to meet?

Do you think we should only be bothered about the impresión we give to the people we want to meet, or already know, and forget about the veiws of the rest and wether or not they think we're all ignorant or arrogant?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I'm not bothered nowadays about what people think of me if I don't reply to a PM.

In fact when I did used to bulk reply a week or so later most men didn't know what I was referring to because they'd either deleted their sent mail, or were fishing so didn't have a scooby-do who they had messaged in the 1st place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With those I like where there's mutual respect then yes. Anyone else, nah. Life's too short and I don't have enough space in mine to worry about everyone else... especially strangers on a sex site. I really don't think that their world collapses at a non response from me, and if it does they need to get a real life!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If its someone Im interested in then yes. I worry about making a good first impression. Sometimes I get a message and Im not sure how to reply in a way that conveys Im keen but not crazy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not bothered what people think of me at all.

Even the people you want to meet?

I am never ignorant or arrogant to guys who messege me unless they have been rude to me. If they have been rude to me im not bothered what they think of me. If someone thinks iv been ignorant or arrogant when i havnt then theres nothing i can do about that then im really not bothered what they think of me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No I'm not bothered nowadays about what people think of me if I don't reply to a PM.

Ah, the advise to men to delete the message after you've sent it parodox

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" With those I like where there's mutual respect then yes. Anyone else, nah. Life's too short and I don't have enough space in mine to worry about everyone else... especially strangers on a sex site. I really don't think that their world collapses at a non response from me, and if it does they need to get a real life!"

I've always said my self that life's to short, maybe I should stop worrying about this crap.

and even more so when it's strangers I'm thinking about.

But weren't we all strangers once?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not bothered what people think of me at all.

Even the people you want to meet?

Nobody is going to argue with that, surely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I worried about what others thought about me too much, I might consciously try and change myself to suit what I thought everyone wanted... trouble then is that what they would be getting wouldn't be me or a fair representation of me. Although when you read some of the stuff people write, I get the impression that is what is happening. I think that would be a hard act to keep up, specially when you meet someone in person so better for everyone if you stay true to yourself.

Everyone is a bit Marmite, it's easier to accept that and to concentrate on the people you do click with than the ones you don't.

Do I care what they think? My philosophy as to how I treat people and behave here is very similar to yours OP. I'm not bothered by people who don't like me but would care if I upset anyone.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'm more worried about people not thinking I'm a complete arse than I am about whether they like me or not to be honest - which I know sounds like a contradiction but there is a difference.

I can't force people to like me or want to meet me, nor would I want to if I could - but for people to actively dislike me I would have to have behaved like the person I know I'm not, if that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I'm not bothered nowadays about what people think of me if I don't reply to a PM.

Ah, the advise to men to delete the message after you've sent it parodox

Messaging is a grey area and the quandary surrounding it is as old as time.

A lot of men do just blanket message / fish OP and it comes across like that.

Those who make the effort I wish well but life's to short to worry about what random strangers think about me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not bothered what people think of me at all.

Even the people you want to meet?

Nobody is going to argue with that, surely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If its someone Im interested in then yes. I worry about making a good first impression. Sometimes I get a message and Im not sure how to reply in a way that conveys Im keen but not crazy. "

Yea but some like your crazy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always said my self that life's to short, maybe I should stop worrying about this crap.

and even more so when it's strangers I'm thinking about.

But weren't we all strangers once? "

Yes. Some strangers make an impact and become friends. Others don't. They remain strangers. That's life.

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By *arciocialWoman
over a year ago

Leicester

Couldn't really give a shit, I'm here to please myself no one else. I respond to people the same way I'd respond in person, so if they don't like that then they wouldn't like me in person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep I care what people think of me. I’m wary of the consequences of my actions and do my best to avoid being an arsehole. Sadly I fail miserably too often

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

Yes I am bothered by what people think of me, always have been but I will still be true to myself. I try and reply to messages but it’s not always that easy so I don’t reply to all of them, I prioritise based on how they approach me now. First impressions do count but I won’t change the way I am to appeal to others.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

Not really... I rarely reply to messages from people I don't already know anymore. Nothing to do with volume of messages.... I just got tired of the repetition and lack of originality. If that bothers random strangers I'm never likely to meet... I'm not going to lose sleep over it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How I interact with people on here definitely has an impact on their perception of me. When I first joined, I did worry what folk might think but now, I'm not so bothered. I have personal rules that I stick to, try not to be opinionated nor get involved in the tittle tattle. I always try to answer Pm's from people that matter, but I'm not here to tell them what I ate for breakfast; I only really have one person off here that I have confided in. I trust no one as there are some real rotters on here who appear nicey nice and pretend they want to be your friend, when really they just want to damage your reputation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How I interact with people on here definitely has an impact on their perception of me. When I first joined, I did worry what folk might think but now, I'm not so bothered. I have personal rules that I stick to, try not to be opinionated nor get involved in the tittle tattle. I always try to answer Pm's from people that matter, but I'm not here to tell them what I ate for breakfast; I only really have one person off here that I have confided in. I trust no one as there are some real rotters on here who appear nicey nice and pretend they want to be your friend, when really they just want to damage your reputation. "

This is spot on.

We will now be operating in a very similar way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is spot on.

We will now be operating in a very similar way."

It's interesting that things changed over a length of time, how the way we act has been changed by the way others act.

Does anyone think that has a chance to roll over outside of Fab? In the real world we don't give a shit what people think of us?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is spot on.

We will now be operating in a very similar way.

It's interesting that things changed over a length of time, how the way we act has been changed by the way others act.

Does anyone think that has a chance to roll over outside of Fab? In the real world we don't give a shit what people think of us? "

In the real world i dont care what others think of me except for my very close family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I am not bothered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like real life I would prefer it if they liked me...

But then other people's perceptions are something I cannot change so....

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm keen that when I'm communicating with someone that they have a good understanding of me and my needs. If they do, this can help me to meet compatible people who get me. I'm not meeting for a popularity contest or to gain lifelong friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How much I care about what soneone thinks about me is very closely connected to how much I like amd respect that person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How much I care about what soneone thinks about me is very closely connected to how much I like amd respect that person. "

So your more likely to be yourself after you've got to know them first? Has anyone commented that your different to how they imagined you'd be from first impressions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How much I care about what soneone thinks about me is very closely connected to how much I like amd respect that person.

So your more likely to be yourself after you've got to know them first? Has anyone commented that your different to how they imagined you'd be from first impressions? "

I'm always myself but how much of myield I share varies, certainly on the forums only a certain part of my persona is ever on display, when I was more active on here and going to a lot of socials and clubs a recurrent theme of people was that I was I was nothibg like they expected, I guess that must be true in other areas to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm more worried about people not thinking I'm a complete arse than I am about whether they like me or not to be honest - which I know sounds like a contradiction but there is a difference.

It makes sense to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I'm bothered what people think of me, whether in pm or on the forum. They will base their opinion of me on how I act, so whether they like me or nor depends on which of my posts they read and how they take them. In pm's I'm polite because I understand 'the other side'. Even if they are abusive, I'm not abusive back because there's no point.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

"Yes I'm bothered what people think of me, whether in pm or on the forum. They will base their opinion of me on how I act, so whether they like me or nor depends on which of my posts they read and how they take them. In pm's I'm polite because I understand 'the other side'. Even if they are abusive, I'm not abusive back because there's no point. "
I (mr) like this.

I've always believed that the moment somebody uses violence, they've lost the arguement, same with abuse on here/in PM's too in my book

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