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By *carlet_heaven OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

Does anybody know or have experience of whether the police will disclose if a person has a history of violence if you are in fear of your safety?

I know this is an unconventional place to ask this question,but I've found people to have diverse knowledge on here.

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (sometimes called Clare’s Law).

Speak to the police.

Hope all is ok xx

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By *carlet_heaven OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m glad you are seeking advice and hope you get out of your situation.

Good luck xx

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen "

Please, please take care. Speak to the police. Hugs xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen "

Dont feel an idiot. You are seeking help x

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen

Dont feel an idiot. You are seeking help x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen "

You are not an idiot. Bad people are usually very good at being bad and making you feel like you're the one in the wrong. Trust yourself and your instinct. Seeing the truth is the first step and sometimes the hardest. I hope you are okay x

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By *DONToBEoNOSEYoMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

If they have shown signs there could be violence then go to the police anyway.

If they are known to the police then I’m hoping the police will do what needs to be done.

Hope your ok.

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By *atsun xxxMan
over a year ago

Nr LOUTH Lincolnshire

You really should speak with the police and tell a family friend.

Don’t put yourself in danger, stay safe xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen "

You are not responsible for someone else’s behaviour and you are not an idiot if you have got stuck in a situation where you are being abused (or fearful of the possibility of being so). However, you are important and worthwhile and it is imperative that if something does not feel right you seek help.

Sending you strength. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen

Dont feel an idiot. You are seeking help x"

This. I admire your bravery and desire to act on your intuition.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knew someone for 6 months before their true violent colours started to show.

Some guys are very clever at masking this behaviour so take care, don't believe the err? it will never happen again stuff because it will.

The police are supportive and so are other organisations these days unlike the past when most of us suffered until we could escape'...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please tell your friends and family and go to the police. These type of men/women can be very manipulating. If you are in a relationship with someone that has a history of violence or is on a criminal register the police have a duty to inform you. If you have children the police will then inform social services but please don't be scared of them getting Involved they are there to help. Xxx

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

I realise it's not been all that long OK but have you gotten sorted? Hope everything's ok with you and remember there's always someone around the forum.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

You are far from an if I.

Trust your gut...... ALWAYS

I absolutely don't want to put words into your mouth but I'm gonna throw a few things out there and see if you can relate to any of them..

Dismissing your feelings, as if you are over sensitive or need to grow a thicker skin

Blaming their actions on you

Contradict themselves

Put you down (sometimes in a very sly way)

What would you do without me?

Do you find yourself worrying you might upset them so don't say things you feel you need to, purely because you don't want the backlash?

Do you worry what mood they will be in?

Walking on eggshells?

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By *carlet_heaven OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen

You are not an idiot. Bad people are usually very good at being bad and making you feel like you're the one in the wrong. Trust yourself and your instinct. Seeing the truth is the first step and sometimes the hardest. I hope you are okay x"

Yes,this is exactly what is happening & I've felt like I'm going crazy! Thank You for pointing this out because I don't feel like I'm over reacting anymore.

Thank You & Thank You everybody for taking the time to respond. I've told my Mum & she is being very supportive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen

You are not an idiot. Bad people are usually very good at being bad and making you feel like you're the one in the wrong. Trust yourself and your instinct. Seeing the truth is the first step and sometimes the hardest. I hope you are okay x

Yes,this is exactly what is happening & I've felt like I'm going crazy! Thank You for pointing this out because I don't feel like I'm over reacting anymore.

Thank You & Thank You everybody for taking the time to respond. I've told my Mum & she is being very supportive "

Good luck!!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen "

It's not standard for others to pose a big risk to us, so we may not expect or understand all signs plus -

Some people are devious and will cover themselves, preventing others from working them out. The only error comes from abusive people in relationships

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By *carlet_heaven OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

OMG,yes!!

If I 'feel' a certain way that he doesn't agree with I'm wrong.

If I don't want to see him I daren't say so, bcos I know there will be repercussions of verbal & aggressive behaviour

I'll never find anyone as good as him. & If it wasn't for him…

The list goes on…

I suddenly 'twigged' last night (couldn't sleep) that he'd made himself the ONLY person in my life that he was happy for me to see. Its taken me too long to realise but at least I have.

I hope your situation is now resolved Peach, Thank You

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought worth a post to pop on the domestic violence checklist from Refuge:

Domestic violence is caused by an abuser’s desire to gain power and control over their partner. Abusers use a range of different tactics – physical, emotional, sexual, financial – to achieve this.

This list may help you to identify whether you are experiencing domestic violence:

Are you afraid of your partner?

Do you feel isolated? Does he cut you off from family and friends?

Is he jealous and possessive?

Does he humiliate or insult you?

Does he verbally abuse you?

Does he say you are useless and couldn’t cope without him?

Does he physically hurt you? Does he shove, slap, punch or kick you?

Has he threatened to hurt you or people close to you?

Does he constantly criticise you?

Does he have sudden changes of mood which dominate the household?

Is he charming one minute and abusive the next? Like Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde?

Does he control your money?

Do you change your behaviour to avoid triggering an attack?

Are you unsure of your own judgement?

Does he damage your possessions?

Does he smash up the furniture?

Does he threaten to harm or kill the pets?

Does he threaten to steal or get custody of the children?

Does he drive fast because he knows it scares you?

Does he lock you out of the house during an argument?

Does he tell you what to wear or how to do your hair?

And yes, before someone takes offence, an abuser could be non-male, but I’ve taken this direct from site, apart from changing a word not allowed on the forum to “steal”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen

You are not an idiot. Bad people are usually very good at being bad and making you feel like you're the one in the wrong. Trust yourself and your instinct. Seeing the truth is the first step and sometimes the hardest. I hope you are okay x

Yes,this is exactly what is happening & I've felt like I'm going crazy! Thank You for pointing this out because I don't feel like I'm over reacting anymore.

Thank You & Thank You everybody for taking the time to respond. I've told my Mum & she is being very supportive "

I've been there before and I honestly thought I was losing my mind. Looking back it feels like I was a different person. I found reading forums about being in a relationship with a psychopath really helped me to feel like I'm not alone and not crazy. If you want to talk about it feel free to message.

It's brilliant you've told your mum. Once you start telling people you feel accountable to them and will be less likely to go back. You're stronger that you think. X

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"OMG,yes!!

If I 'feel' a certain way that he doesn't agree with I'm wrong.

If I don't want to see him I daren't say so, bcos I know there will be repercussions of verbal & aggressive behaviour

I'll never find anyone as good as him. & If it wasn't for him…

The list goes on…

I suddenly 'twigged' last night (couldn't sleep) that he'd made himself the ONLY person in my life that he was happy for me to see. Its taken me too long to realise but at least I have.

I hope your situation is now resolved Peach, Thank You "

I'm safe, I'm independent again, but most of all....

I'm ME again!

It takes a lot of strength to get yourself out of a situation, you can do it, there's support out there

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By *carlet_heaven OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks


"OMG,yes!!

If I 'feel' a certain way that he doesn't agree with I'm wrong.

If I don't want to see him I daren't say so, bcos I know there will be repercussions of verbal & aggressive behaviour

I'll never find anyone as good as him. & If it wasn't for him…

The list goes on…

I suddenly 'twigged' last night (couldn't sleep) that he'd made himself the ONLY person in my life that he was happy for me to see. Its taken me too long to realise but at least I have.

I hope your situation is now resolved Peach, Thank You

I'm safe, I'm independent again, but most of all....

I'm ME again!

It takes a lot of strength to get yourself out of a situation, you can do it, there's support out there "

I'm so glad to hear that & its important to know that other people have succeeded. I'm so glad for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I lived local to you so I could offer my help and support.

I've been through exactly like you. My son walked in on my ex as he was in mid swing to attack me. He made me sign up for a joint bank account and transfer all mine and my children's money into that account. He made me give him a detailed account of anything I wanted to buy with my own money, and often told me I wasn't allowed it. He tried making me give up my career. Told me I wasn't allowed to go on public transport. He called all my friends slags and causes some to not be friends with me anymore. Wasn't allowed on nights out. He'd stalk me when I was out but he was meant to be at work. Forced me to pay out for his own son. He never went out with friends. He was always around me. He tried forcing me to accept his marriage proposal. The list goes on.

Enough was enough. Thankfully that house was my house only. He had no claim on it so i threw him out. Luckily I have huge brothers and uncles. Seeing as I became brave enough to stand up to him and tell my family, I had their full support. Few weeks later, never heard from him again.

Really hope you're ok. Believe me, you're not alone! Here if you ever need to chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you thought of applying for a non-molestation or injunction order?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm glad you're doing something about it and getting out. I was married for over 22 years to a man that was an abusive bully. It started off very subtle but by the time I realised and finally asked him to leave I was a very different person. Two years down the line I'm damaged but getting stronger. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is he on fab.

Did you meet him on fab?

Naming isn't an option but it's scary having knowledge about Someone and not being able to protect other women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can walk into any police station and ask about any persons criminal history if you’ve genuine concerns.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you…I've just found it online.

I've a bad person in my life atm…reading about these behaviours has been a revelation.

I feel such an idiot to allow this to happen

You are not an idiot. Bad people are usually very good at being bad and making you feel like you're the one in the wrong. Trust yourself and your instinct. Seeing the truth is the first step and sometimes the hardest. I hope you are okay x

Yes,this is exactly what is happening & I've felt like I'm going crazy! Thank You for pointing this out because I don't feel like I'm over reacting anymore.

Thank You & Thank You everybody for taking the time to respond. I've told my Mum & she is being very supportive "

Look up "gaslighting". Good luck from me too. x

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton

Goodness. Stay safe and all the best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get help from family or friends

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