FabSwingers.com forum: Kids say the darnest things....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, our 7 year old daughter told us last night that she would like a small country for Christmas this year? After a little laughter we asked her why, she said she wanted to be king of a country.

She’s not your typical girly girly but some of the things she comes out with have us wetting ourselves.

What’s the best you’ve heard from the little ones?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I have a big hand like you daddy...can I use the grown up scissors?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter when very small, was delighted to inform me that the pointsetta plant she'd just chosen for her gran came with free soil!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My daughter when very small, was delighted to inform me that the pointsetta plant she'd just chosen for her gran came with free soil!

Pmsl brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was little, we were having family Sunday lunch and my sister (aged about three) asked, out of the blue “what’s a homosexual?”. Before Mum and Dad had stopped choking on their Yorkie Pud and without missing a beat, five year old Heels looked up and announced “It’s a man who tries to make another man pregnant”. They still tease me now. Personally, I think it was a fairly astute summary for Middle England in the late seventies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh kids can make you want to hide also !!

My youngest was about 4/5 yrs old, and we were in test shopping and let's just say quite a large lady walked down past us ....

My son stopped dead on the spot, pointed straight at the woman and said at the top of his voice " WOOOO LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HER BACKSIDE"

Everyone sort of looked and my daughter burst into fits of laughter !!

I was mortified and started pushing my trolley as quick as I could up the isle in the opposite direction telling people the children didn't belong to me

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

My daughter, very very vocal at age two, heard her grandfather swear. She was horrifed.

"Grampa!!!!" she said in a very shocked voice. "We don't say damn! We say SHIT."

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

When my son was little we had an English Bull Terrier, the dog dragged his bed (a duvet) into the garden and proceeded to rip it to shreds, the stuffing was all over the garden in big clumps.

My boy was 3, I saw him throwing clumps of the duvet up in the air, as I got closer he was shouting "up in the skyyyyyyy" with every throw. I asked him what he was doing as you would. He told me the clouds had fallen down and he was trying to put them back

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By *rank n BettyCouple
over a year ago

Not meeting

I didn't want to get up really early on Saturday morning (had to take 16 yr old to camp) - he said don't make me count to 3! If I get to 3 I'm phoning your dad!!! I obviously threaten them with their dad too often

B x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was on the bus one day with my niece when she insisted on asking repeatedly at the top of her voice if the person sat opposite us was a man or a lady.

I didn't know the answer to make her stop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My nephew had zero filter when he was little. I had taken him to the park, he was nearly four and as we were walking home after a blissfully uneventful play on the swings, there was a gentleman coming towards us walking a dog. Now I could usually tell when the little monster was thinking of something profound or ground breaking to announce as he went spookily and suddenly quiet. This he did whilst looking intently at man and dog. Just as they got in line with us he announced “Ooh Aunty Heels, that dog has a VERY big willy”. Great small human, thanks.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Heard at a Wedding when the Groom had finished his speech & before the Best Man started his...

One of the two young kids there asked.. "Mummy, Daddy, is this when the couple go away and do naughties now?

All the guests in the room collapsed into laughter.

As the Best Man commented at the start of his speech... 'How does someone so young know so much?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha that's great! I could well imagine the redness of your face and the look on the big arsed woman , sitting here now giggling to myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Haha that's great! I could well imagine the redness of your face and the look on the big arsed woman , sitting here now giggling to myself"

It was the way my son stood with his arm outstretched pointing directly at the

woman and the amazement in his voice

I had no where to run and no where to hide except leg it up the Isle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My poor old mom tells me of the time I'd been out playing footie with some older lads when I was about six years old. Mom had a living room full of friends for a coffee and a chat. I calmly walk in and in front of everyone ask, 'moooom? What's a cunt?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter wants to be the tooth fairy when she grows up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lovely sunny day and a busy park. My friends 3 year old daughter stands at the top of the climbing frame waving her arms around and announced to the world that, she was the "CUNT DOCTOR"! Oh, the horror. I've never seen a child extricated from a climbing frame so quickly. After a little chat...turns out she was the conductor. Phew!

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"My poor old mom tells me of the time I'd been out playing footie with some older lads when I was about six years old. Mom had a living room full of friends for a coffee and a chat. I calmly walk in and in front of everyone ask, 'moooom? What's a cunt?'

I asked my mum what a cunt was and got smacked up the chops.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

My brother's son when about 3-4 years old was playing with his toys one day but when something didn't work as it should have, we heard the words... "oh fuck!"

My brother told him it was a naughty word and was not to be used at all.

The response was.... "but Grandad said it when he hurt his hand the other day!"

My brother made a mental note to advise Grandad of what NOT to say in front of a child!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many years ago when my kids were small I worked in a respite centre, a lot of our guests were from the gay community.

One day my then 4 and 5 yr old were being horrible to one another and my daughter told the boy child very loudly to stop being so Gay!

Nooooo says I don't say that to him, in an attempt to be a just and PC parent.. ..

It's OK mum they both chime its just when 2 men love each other...

Ahh says I trying to be PC, it can also mean when 2 ladies love each other...

NO! Pipes up my 5 year old.. They are Lesbians!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my mum what a cunt was and got smacked up the chops. "

After she recovered from the shock and embarrassment I was in big big trouble!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad called my youngest Smout since he was a toddler. When he was about 5 my old man shouted Smout in for his lunch. The wee fella stood in the hallway and said Granda we need to have a word and beckoned my dad into his bedroom. Bold as brass the wee fella said: look I don't like being called Smout. So please don't call me it again. He then held out his pinky to make my dad promise. He's never been called it since.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son woke up yesterday morning with 'morning wind'.. he then humorously asked me if my 'foof' gets hard in the mornings too

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

When my eldest was about three he was in the car strapped into the child seat. Sitting at the lights they go green and obviously not moving quick enough this little voice shouts out " what fucking shade of green do you want" . Wonder where he heard that?

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

When my daughter was little my dad used to take her out in her pushchair one day she came back and said she had been to see the bollocks in a field and she still calls them that

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By *rrol.BMan
over a year ago

Wrexham

My eldest invented the word "lassaday" which means any day prior to yesterday.

My youngest calls the girls next-door the nexdaughters.

We also get "I have I dea" and "You have you dea".

And we have all started calling today "this day". It just sounds more impressive. "On this day we're going to the park"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to confess to a hatred of rabbits bordering on the pathological. We took our granddaughter to a petting zoo when she was learning how to talk. On being offered one of the offending beasts she duly pointed at it and said 'dinner'. I have never been so proud.

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

my cheeks are hurting from laughter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When my eldest was about three he was in the car strapped into the child seat. Sitting at the lights they go green and obviously not moving quick enough this little voice shouts out " what fucking shade of green do you want" . Wonder where he heard that?

That’s brilliant

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By *rchie_pMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

When my son was 6 i picked up him on the saturday (wknd daddy) and i lit up a cigarette , he then decided to give me a ten minute lecture about the effects of smoking right down to the fact it'll hinder me making any little brothers or sisters for him ...

I think his mom had a word in his ear about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When our daughter was 2 or 3 my Dad took her swimming, she very loudly asked him what the swishy thing was between his legs

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By *enuine 17Couple
over a year ago

Coventry

Was in a soft play centre with my grandson when he came running over to me shouting!! That a lady had got stuck!! In-between two rollers trust me to help!! We ended up pushing & pulling her totally embarrassed he then told the lady she had a big bum!!hence we never went back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your skin is really soft Nanny. Can I make a blanket out of it?

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By *rchie_pMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Your skin is really soft Nanny. Can I make a blanket out of it?"

Hahahahahahaha the bestest one yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My 3 year old daughter walked into the kitchen, where I was washing up with my back to 6/7 male in-laws and declared "My mum has a hairy noony" One second of silence before they all burst out laughing. I was too embarrassed to turn around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my youngest was small he had an abruptress about him.

I can remember being at church, he was 5. The vicar had done his speech about God being the all creator, creating the earth and everything in it.

My boy, yes it would be mine puts his hand up. The vicar turns to him. My boy responds with "so you're saying god created the world and everything in it yeah? Well who created god?"

The vicar was speechless.... then said "you can't be a proper botherer of God if you don't know that"

Now I know I've encouraged my kids to question everything, take nothing at face value. But that was to the extreme

He's 22 now and is still that sarcastic little ray of sunshine.

Still loves a good old debate lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my daughter was 2 my ex and I decided to sneak into another room for a quickie.

My ex liked a sneaky finger up the bum during sex which makes her cum quick. As it slid in with perfect timing from the other room my daughter starts singing a nursery rhyme...

Daddy finger, daddy finger where are you....

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"When my daughter was 2 my ex and I decided to sneak into another room for a quickie.

My ex liked a sneaky finger up the bum during sex which makes her cum quick. As it slid in with perfect timing from the other room my daughter starts singing a nursery rhyme...

Daddy finger, daddy finger where are you....

That's epic!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't hear that song anymore without my brain finishing the line up mummy's bum, up mummy's bum, how do you do....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Driving past a Nestlé factory this afternoon and my young un looks at the chimneys and asked is that a cloud factory dad?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my son was 3 he was adament that Baby Jesus was born in Manchester.

He meant Manger!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was asking my dad what he wanted for his Xmas and he said I'm needing new razors. My daughter who was about 3 or 4 said granny we should get you them too while rubbing her chin x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I was asking my dad what he wanted for his Xmas and he said I'm needing new razors. My daughter who was about 3 or 4 said granny we should get you them too while rubbing her chin x"

My 2 yr old daughter was downstairs and ny mam said shall we go upstairs to see daddy. Her reply was no For Fuck Sake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Driving past a Nestlé factory this afternoon and my young un looks at the chimneys and asked is that a cloud factory dad? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Boy - why is (girls name) a boy? She was a girl.

Me - because sometimes people are born as a girl but you feel more like a boy, so she wanted to grow up as a boy.

Boy - so can I be a robot?

A True conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Standing in the checkout queue in Asda, my daughter with her headphones in singing along to Bruno Mars - 'is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice.....'

But no, she sings at the top of her voice "is it the look in your eyes, or is it those dancing Jews....."

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