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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please." I know the thread. I think it's to do with a woman feeling safe. I certainly have my area of comfort zone I stick to for a first meet. | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please. I know the thread. I think it's to do with a woman feeling safe. I certainly have my area of comfort zone I stick to for a first meet." Yes its that one but think the bigger picture. You will have seen it was about her travelling to meet him as opposed to him to meet her. Was not about the safety issue that the thread covered. | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please. I know the thread. I think it's to do with a woman feeling safe. I certainly have my area of comfort zone I stick to for a first meet. Yes its that one but think the bigger picture. You will have seen it was about her travelling to meet him as opposed to him to meet her. Was not about the safety issue that the thread covered." That's my answer to your question  | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in" Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible. | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please. I know the thread. I think it's to do with a woman feeling safe. I certainly have my area of comfort zone I stick to for a first meet. Yes its that one but think the bigger picture. You will have seen it was about her travelling to meet him as opposed to him to meet her. Was not about the safety issue that the thread covered. That's my answer to your question "So you insist the man travels to you. Thats fine. The bloke chooses to do so or not. The lady in question chose to travel. She was told she shouldnt have done so and he should have put himself out. That's the attitude I disagree with. | |||
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"Was this woman a TOWIE wannabe, expecting the man to drop at her feet in awe of her beauty lol" The lady that started the thread no. It's by no means fair to describe her in that way. The comment I am referring to came from another member. | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please. I know the thread. I think it's to do with a woman feeling safe. I certainly have my area of comfort zone I stick to for a first meet. Yes its that one but think the bigger picture. You will have seen it was about her travelling to meet him as opposed to him to meet her. Was not about the safety issue that the thread covered. That's my answer to your question
So you insist the man travels to you. Thats fine. The bloke chooses to do so or not. The lady in question chose to travel. She was told she shouldnt have done so and he should have put himself out. That's the attitude I disagree with."I still travel - I never meet on my doorstep, but like I said, my comfort zone. As for someone's attitude - it's irrelevant cos the parties involved will do as they wish. | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible."  | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible." If you can't find a middle ground you are obviously not compatible in my opinion. I certainly wouldn't expect the other person/people to make all the effort. It is a shared experience for all involved so everyone should be doing their fair share. | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible. If you can't find a middle ground you are obviously not compatible in my opinion. I certainly wouldn't expect the other person/people to make all the effort. It is a shared experience for all involved so everyone should be doing their fair share." Spot on. | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please. I know the thread. I think it's to do with a woman feeling safe. I certainly have my area of comfort zone I stick to for a first meet. Yes its that one but think the bigger picture. You will have seen it was about her travelling to meet him as opposed to him to meet her. Was not about the safety issue that the thread covered. That's my answer to your question
So you insist the man travels to you. Thats fine. The bloke chooses to do so or not. The lady in question chose to travel. She was told she shouldnt have done so and he should have put himself out. That's the attitude I disagree with.
I still travel - I never meet on my doorstep, but like I said, my comfort zone.
As for someone's attitude - it's irrelevant cos the parties involved will do as they wish.
"Totally agree. The intervention in this case was against what the lady had agreed. | |||
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"I've arranged to meet in a local pub of city but I wouldn't expect the other person to travel all the way. I'd meet them half way" That's your choice and very gentlemanly of you. Hope you have a great meet  | |||
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"I've arranged to meet in a local pub of city but I wouldn't expect the other person to travel all the way. I'd meet them half way That's your choice and very gentlemanly of you. Hope you have a great meet "Ive had 2 meets and none ever since  | |||
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"I've arranged to meet in a local pub of city but I wouldn't expect the other person to travel all the way. I'd meet them half way That's your choice and very gentlemanly of you. Hope you have a great meet
Ive had 2 meets and none ever since "O sorry I read it as you had a meet upcoming. Good luck anyways bud. | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please." I strongly feel that where practical, both parties should make equal effort towards a meet - both in terms of travel and expense. I would actually feel at a disadvantage if someone travelled a substantial distance to see me (while I remained local) just in case there was any element of expectation based on their extra effort. In a similar vein, I also always want to pay my own way to eradicate any lingering notion that I've been 'bought' and what that payment 'entitles' them to. By setting a level playing field where you're both equal you can just get on with enjoying yourself instead of perhaps feeling beholden. Obviously, it's different if one party is accommodating at theirs because unless you live in the same street, someone's always going to have to travel and therefore I wouldn't regard the travelling party as 'putting themselves out' since presumably meeting at someone's home would be advantageous to both concerned, cheaper than a hotel, maybe more intimate and private, fewer time constraints etc. However, I have seen a number of profiles - and sad to say, they are women's - where, in the absence of any obvious extenuating circumstances, they state anyone who wants to see them must travel to their locality and must pay for a hotel, must buy dinner and drinks ... so the mentality that it's incumbent upon men (in particular) to put in all the effort and bear all the expense definitely exists amongst a minority. It infuriates me because, as you say, this is supposed to be a mutually beneficial experience and without good reason, making those sorts of blanket demands can perpetuate the resentful notion that Fab women in general are 'up themselves' and can effectively be bought. Women like that do the rest of us no favours. Of course you can argue that no one has to comply with these demands but this site being what it is, obviously *some* men are willing to do that and unfortunately, there will be a small number amongst those who believe their efforts entitle them to a certain level of return which increases the risks of things turning nasty if they don't get their own way. | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible." Agree!!
There's another thread where a couple are advised to have a plan B man in case plan A man doesn't show up. Men are people not commodities.  | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please. I strongly feel that where practical, both parties should make equal effort towards a meet - both in terms of travel and expense. I would actually feel at a disadvantage if someone travelled a substantial distance to see me (while I remained local) just in case there was any element of expectation based on their extra effort. In a similar vein, I also always want to pay my own way to eradicate any lingering notion that I've been 'bought' and what that payment 'entitles' them to. By setting a level playing field where you're both equal you can just get on with enjoying yourself instead of perhaps feeling beholden. Obviously, it's different if one party is accommodating at theirs because unless you live in the same street, someone's always going to have to travel and therefore I wouldn't regard the travelling party as 'putting themselves out' since presumably meeting at someone's home would be advantageous to both concerned, cheaper than a hotel, maybe more intimate and private, fewer time constraints etc. However, I have seen a number of profiles - and sad to say, they are women's - where, in the absence of any obvious extenuating circumstances, they state anyone who wants to see them must travel to their locality and must pay for a hotel, must buy dinner and drinks ... so the mentality that it's incumbent upon men (in particular) to put in all the effort and bear all the expense definitely exists amongst a minority. It infuriates me because, as you say, this is supposed to be a mutually beneficial experience and without good reason, making those sorts of blanket demands can perpetuate the resentful notion that Fab women in general are 'up themselves' and can effectively be bought. Women like that do the rest of us no favours. Of course you can argue that no one has to comply with these demands but this site being what it is, obviously *some* men are willing to do that and unfortunately, there will be a small number amongst those who believe their efforts entitle them to a certain level of return which increases the risks of things turning nasty if they don't get their own way. " | |||
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"I've arranged to meet in a local pub of city but I wouldn't expect the other person to travel all the way. I'd meet them half way" If they have messaged me and wanted a meet I would expect them to travel all the way. It says on my profile I only meet local so if someone from further than local wants to meet it's absolutely up to them to get to me | |||
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" If they have messaged me and wanted a meet I would expect them to travel all the way. It says on my profile I only meet local so if someone from further than local wants to meet it's absolutely up to them to get to me" I agree and I do the same. | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible. Agree!!
There's another thread where a couple are advised to have a plan B man in case plan A man doesn't show up. Men are people not commodities. "I queried the logic of that too in a seperate thread, or more accurately enquired as to what Plan B meant. Ideally there would be a sufficient number of reliable and compatible people to go around so that people were people and not commodities. Ideally, the middle ground is where we should be. However, finding the balance is easier said than done. Some women do not want to be beholden to a man and will pay their way, share the costs etc. Other want to be spoilt and treated like a lady. If I ever do get a meet, I would expect to cover all costs as it is the genlemanly thing to do. However that will horrify some ladies who think I'm living in the dark ages. | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible. Agree!!
There's another thread where a couple are advised to have a plan B man in case plan A man doesn't show up. Men are people not commodities. "I agree, that’s a terrible way to treat anyone. I’ve seen comments from people saying they have been let down at the last minute - I wonder how many of them were Plan B’s for someone else? | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible. Agree!!
There's another thread where a couple are advised to have a plan B man in case plan A man doesn't show up. Men are people not commodities. "I would advise a plan B but not not plan B man | |||
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"If you both want to get together for sex you should both put yourself out with regards to arranging said meet. With everyone having busy professional lives, synching diaries may not be easy but if you work together to achieve the goal (ie both putting yourselves out) it will come together. But no, I don't believe the man should put all the effort in Yes. This is what I was trying to get at. As much as you can do so both parties or all should try to meet a middle ground where possible. Agree!!
There's another thread where a couple are advised to have a plan B man in case plan A man doesn't show up. Men are people not commodities.
I queried the logic of that too in a seperate thread, or more accurately enquired as to what Plan B meant.
Ideally there would be a sufficient number of reliable and compatible people to go around so that people were people and not commodities. Ideally, the middle ground is where we should be.
However, finding the balance is easier said than done.
Some women do not want to be beholden to a man and will pay their way, share the costs etc. Other want to be spoilt and treated like a lady. If I ever do get a meet, I would expect to cover all costs as it is the genlemanly thing to do. However that will horrify some ladies who think I'm living in the dark ages.
"You and I are proof that one size does not fit all. The popular opinion may want equal effort and expense but that doesn't mean we ate all in a position to do that. | |||
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"There has been a thread going over the last couple of days. The subject matter of said thread is not what I want to discuss. One reply stuck out like a sore thumb to me and is the reason for this post. The comment was quite simply as follows. They should put themselves out not you. This was said to a lady with regards to a man. My first thoughts are why? Why should anyone put themselves out? Why must the man put himself out? Gentlemanly conduct aside of course where practical. Furthermore there was reasoning that he wants to fuck you so he has to do this. No. They want to fuck each other. If anyone recognises the thread please bear in mind it is this particular thinking that I have a problem with and has nothing to do with the events in said thread. Your thoughts please. I strongly feel that where practical, both parties should make equal effort towards a meet - both in terms of travel and expense. I would actually feel at a disadvantage if someone travelled a substantial distance to see me (while I remained local) just in case there was any element of expectation based on their extra effort. In a similar vein, I also always want to pay my own way to eradicate any lingering notion that I've been 'bought' and what that payment 'entitles' them to. By setting a level playing field where you're both equal you can just get on with enjoying yourself instead of perhaps feeling beholden. Obviously, it's different if one party is accommodating at theirs because unless you live in the same street, someone's always going to have to travel and therefore I wouldn't regard the travelling party as 'putting themselves out' since presumably meeting at someone's home would be advantageous to both concerned, cheaper than a hotel, maybe more intimate and private, fewer time constraints etc. However, I have seen a number of profiles - and sad to say, they are women's - where, in the absence of any obvious extenuating circumstances, they state anyone who wants to see them must travel to their locality and must pay for a hotel, must buy dinner and drinks ... so the mentality that it's incumbent upon men (in particular) to put in all the effort and bear all the expense definitely exists amongst a minority. It infuriates me because, as you say, this is supposed to be a mutually beneficial experience and without good reason, making those sorts of blanket demands can perpetuate the resentful notion that Fab women in general are 'up themselves' and can effectively be bought. Women like that do the rest of us no favours. Of course you can argue that no one has to comply with these demands but this site being what it is, obviously *some* men are willing to do that and unfortunately, there will be a small number amongst those who believe their efforts entitle them to a certain level of return which increases the risks of things turning nasty if they don't get their own way. " Brilliant post. | |||
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"Don't know the original thread but in fab, due to the imbalance of single men here, men wisely approach the site as needing serious investment of effort to get success. Each of us can decide at any point what specifically we are going to invest into meeting particular people - ideally it will be balanced but everyone here is different." See this is the distinction. If someone chooses to go the extra mile that's absolutely no problem. It's the attitude shown that the man 'should'. As if it's the default setting. The ladies above who say they only meet local have made their choice and state it. Up to the chap to decide then. | |||
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"I never quite understand this 'Plan B' thing. It's all very well to have alternative stuff to do if you're let down ... to think that if, for example, if you're left on your own in a hotel room that you'll use the opportunity to pamper yourself, read a good book or whatever. But where a Plan B involves other people then the potential for them ending up feeling peed off must be high when Plan A works? I've seen loads of threads where people are let down by timewasters and the old 'that's terrible but you should have had a Plan B' is then often rolled out. But realistically how many people would knowingly be happy being put on the back burner 'just in case' you get a better offer? It's hardly flattering to be sat there waiting for a call which might never come. And if you're not honest with your Plan B, so they assume they're Plan A all along, and you then back out when the *real* Plan A turns up, then you're surely a timewaster yourself??" | |||
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