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Divorce

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Whats yours is yours, whats mine is mine and whats ours we split equally??

or

Bleed the other half dry?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

50 / 50

Less as long as you leave with your dignity.

Posessions are fuck all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It should be done fairly.. to many men get screwed over..

My pet hate in this is when children are used as something to get back at the partner ( which ever one)

I personally am glad that they now take such a dim view of kids being kept from one or the other partner..

I kept everything except the car in my divorce.. and was not happy as they made him have the car and it was the one thing that I had paid for myself... but was told to shhh as I had the stuff in the house and the kids..

but he took the car I wanted to spite me.. even though I had initially let him keep the better car.

cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whats yours is yours, whats mine is mine and whats ours we split equally??"

Yes, but if I wanted out I'd just take my dog and go

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

And did it spite you ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Whats yours is yours, whats mine is mine and whats ours we split equally??

Yes, but if I wanted out I'd just take my dog and go"

Men do that Jack. Not that i've done any research but in nearly all the splits i've witnessed the bloke walks with nothing from choice.

Seems they'd rather that than months or years of emotional agony.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have walked away with bugger all other than my dignity. Material things mean nothing to me...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yoiks...!! Happy Saturday Petal...

Morally its up to the two parties.

Legally it is rarely a 50 50 split, dependant on circumstances...

Been there... Done that... If you want a full answer... PM me..;-)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as long as he was out of my life i really didn't care , he kept putting off signing the papers.

his girlfriend got really annoyed with me and said stop dragging your feet he's with me now just let him go..

god i would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she confronted him after i told her it was him who had the papers and wasn't signing not me.. yeah soo he was overjoyed with being with her that he couldn't wait to divorce me .

oh and i was the one who started proceedings after finding out he had been having an affair relationship when we were married.

any way i had the last laugh

i got the better life

i now have a fantastic hubby a great lfe and all the kids are happy and he is a great dad to our own but also to the 3 that came with their mum lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Left with nothing. So much quicker that way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And did it spite you ?"

yes but 2 weeks after he took it his new missus crashed it.. then the engine blew up, exhaust and oil pan he managed to rip off... then he lost the keys...

seems my car took its own revenge..

cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it "

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me."

Its not about me,, since my dads been in hiding me and my brother haven't heard from him or know where he lives. So im not necessarily on his side.. but just think my mum is just greedy and to quote her 'its her right' to half of the pension

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me.

Its not about me,, since my dads been in hiding me and my brother haven't heard from him or know where he lives. So im not necessarily on his side.. but just think my mum is just greedy and to quote her 'its her right' to half of the pension

"

As the law stands it is her right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me.

Its not about me,, since my dads been in hiding me and my brother haven't heard from him or know where he lives. So im not necessarily on his side.. but just think my mum is just greedy and to quote her 'its her right' to half of the pension

"

Legality and morality are very different entities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not about me,, since my dads been in hiding me and my brother haven't heard from him or know where he lives. So im not necessarily on his side.. but just think my mum is just greedy and to quote her 'its her right' to half of the pension

"

I agree. It is greedy of her to still be after him after all this time.

When I got divorced I asked my solicitor to write into the Deed of Separation that should I win the lottery at some point in the future she could not come after me for half of it. We had a full and final settlement and doesn't get a penny above the maintenance I give her and that stops when my daughter leaves school in three years time when she's 16 (she's going to Uni but I'll give the money directly to her until she finishes her degree)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lived with my ex-hubby a few years before he popped the question.

He bought a house first, and we furnished it as we see fit.

I spec'ed and bought a set of saucepans and pots, and joked that if ever we went our separate ways, I would take them with me.

And I did.

We did not have any arguments about who was going to get what, as he was, and still is, a very generous and kind man, and let me take whatever I liked.

I did buy him a set of saucepans to replace the ones I was taking with me.

He needed to buy a new kitchen knife for himself, and while he was at the cookshop, he thought a kitchen knife would make a good present for my late partner, who was a keen cook, so he bought an extra knife for him. So sweet of him to do that!

He remains one of the first 3 people I would ring in the event of any emergencies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I lived with my ex-hubby a few years before he popped the question.

He bought a house first, and we furnished it as we see fit.

I spec'ed and bought a set of saucepans and pots, and joked that if ever we went our separate ways, I would take them with me.

And I did.

We did not have any arguments about who was going to get what, as he was, and still is, a very generous and kind man, and let me take whatever I liked.

I did buy him a set of saucepans to replace the ones I was taking with me.

He needed to buy a new kitchen knife for himself, and while he was at the cookshop, he thought a kitchen knife would make a good present for my late partner, who was a keen cook, so he bought an extra knife for him. So sweet of him to do that!

He remains one of the first 3 people I would ring in the event of any emergencies. "

Thats lovely Pearl.. if ever got married and divorced id hope it ended like that.. im still friendly with the ex's ive had

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although am divorced my divorce settlement is still going on. When I first left my husband we were both amicable with regard to everything. He actually said you are entitled to half of everything, ie house pension shares assets. This all went tits up when he got a girlfriend. Hence this is now taking so long.

The irony of this is we are both lining the solicitors pockets as this is dragging out. It is now turning into a "bitch fest" between the two solicitors.

We had to get a independant pension specialist in to value my husbands pension and offset it against my small pension. Turns out my share is 48.2%.

Divorce is a stressful situation all round.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Sadly Cute, sometimes divorce brings out the worst in people and they change from a totally rational person to a raving looney who won't let the other party have a thing.

I have a friend who did exactly that, because her husband fell out of love with her , she tried to take him for everything he had and leave him with nothing..." to teach him a lesson" she says. He only fell out of love with her.

She is my friend, but I really didn't like what she did. He walked away in the end with nothing for a quiet life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh btw I didnt bleed him dry, took only my clothes and personal belongings. Cut up the cards I had to his accounts. Have never pushed for what is in his accounts either. So now I think I was fair, it was a 21 year marriage after all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's partly for that reason that I don't have a pension, and never will. I consider it to be completely insane to plough one's future financial plans into a fund that could devalue overnight just when you need it, or be ripped out from underneath you by a greedy ex-spouse.

We'll make our money and put it into property or just save it and if we split she'll get what she's entitled to but Siren has her own very lucrative pension that I wouldn't dream of going after if we ever parted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex-hubby and I kept our finances separate, pensions included.

When we parted, he kept his house, I kept my flat, he gave me the car as he does not drive, and knew how much the car meant to me.

He did the paperwork himself, and cost only 125 GBP or whatever, saved us/himself a lot of money on legal fees.

I know I was very lucky to have someone like him, who said if he could not make me happy, he would gladly step aside and let someone who could. Bless him.

Hence one of my very few regrets is for hurting him, for no reason except he did not provide the firework I longed for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did my divorce myself without solicitors just an online thing to help with the forms. Only we disagreed on was one of the cat.

We are best friends now even his wife is understanding of our friendship

The Judge signing the paperwork delayed things and tried to say i was entiled to things, which i kindly told him i wasn't interested.

We both help each other out to this day.

I can see why things go wrong and was not going to let solicitors make things worse.

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By *ornyHorwichCpl aka HHCCouple
over a year ago

horwich

We just sold the house and split the cash. I walked away with nothing else except my own personal stuff.

Life treats us all different and for some the break up is harder.

If she is happy chasing for her share of the pension I would just make your feelings known but leave it at that. She will either carry on or give up eventually but thats her choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"50 / 50

Less as long as you leave with your dignity.

Posessions are fuck all."
+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well i wouldnt regard myself as a "greedy ex-spouse". As I said when i first left my exhusband we got on great, I was still going round to cut his hair. That year he came to my parents and i sat next to him having our Christmas dinner. We started our divorce very amicably. Why shouldnt the pension be shared. It does not make me a greedy ex spouse going after it. It was his suggestion at the begining that I had half of it. This only changed when he got his g/f and now wants to get married. If it was not fair, then in the eyes of the law i would not be entitled to it. But it is and hence I am. Nothing to do with me being greedy, I still have to make a life and live

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I married at 20 and we bought and furnished our house together. When I left my worldly possessions fitted into a Ford transit. I didn't take as much as a teaspoon from the marital home, I didn't even insist the house be sold for my half. All I wanted was enough for a 30% deposit for my house, money to furnish it and enough to pay my bills w year in advance: all of which he agreed to. He also paid £400 a month for the kids.

Money and possessions were never an issue, I moved only a short distance away so he could pick the kids up from school etc and still be part of their lives.

We've never bad mouthed each other, we've spent birthdays, open evenings, graduations etc together. Our kids can turn to us both and invite us to functions without fear of things kicking off. We go on day trips together and he recently gave me a large lump sum from his pension.

You don't have to be warring with your ex.

Truth be told we never really recovered from the death of our son. If either of us had cheated etc I'd probably have a different view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh...and my divorce cost around £300. I filed the papers myself didn't use a solicitor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

today is the 1 year anniversary of getting my decree absolute, ive never been as skint, had as many sleepless nights or been as happy!! I moved out, took my kids, our belongings and started again... everything else was just "stuff" and he was welcome to it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"50 / 50

Less as long as you leave with your dignity.

Posessions are fuck all.+1 "

I disagree, I walked with two young kids and only the things we could carry. Family persuaded me to go back and get the essentials that the kids would need, ie telly washing machine their bedding, toys etc. He got the house and I left enough stuff for him to cook and live with.

It took me years to completely refurnish the flat were now in and it it was hard financially.

He had never worked throughout our marriage so everything had been paid for by my wages. So things were more than mere possessions they were things I had worked hard for and with hindsight Ishould have taken every single thing from the house.

It took five years to finalise the divorce, as he wouldnt sign the papers and as he wasnt working he didnt pay a penny, I had to work constant overtime to pay the legalities.

So if given the chance again Id fight dirty, but then wont get married again or live with someone so it will never be an issue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worked hard all my life, and am not prepared to let people sponge me off or take me for a ride.

If that makes me come across as being cold and distance, then so be it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've given it all away three times now if I'd never met a woman I could have retired comfortably three years ago

But ya know what I have no regrets

I like ta see people right it makese happy xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left with nothing, the clothes I stood in, tho later salvaged other clothes and very personal keepsakes..

I didn`t mind...the quick resolution and closure was all I wanted..

And it was easier fer me to rebuild a life, than her..that was important ter me...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me."

This is very bad advice.

For one ..... it's between mum and dad

For two ..... what kind of daughter says don't try for your pension so that you can eat in your old age 'Do as I say or I will cut you out of my life?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me.

This is very bad advice.

For one ..... it's between mum and dad

For two ..... what kind of daughter says don't try for your pension so that you can eat in your old age 'Do as I say or I will cut you out of my life?' "

+1

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"50 / 50

Less as long as you leave with your dignity.

Posessions are fuck all.+1

I disagree, I walked with two young kids and only the things we could carry. Family persuaded me to go back and get the essentials that the kids would need, ie telly washing machine their bedding, toys etc. He got the house and I left enough stuff for him to cook and live with.

It took me years to completely refurnish the flat were now in and it it was hard financially.

He had never worked throughout our marriage so everything had been paid for by my wages. So things were more than mere possessions they were things I had worked hard for and with hindsight Ishould have taken every single thing from the house.

It took five years to finalise the divorce, as he wouldnt sign the papers and as he wasnt working he didnt pay a penny, I had to work constant overtime to pay the legalities.

So if given the chance again Id fight dirty, but then wont get married again or live with someone so it will never be an issue

"

From what you say - your life would have been even worse if you had stayed with him.

So .... Like i said and like you did. Worry about the person not the trinkets.

You'd have worked hard over the last few years anyhow....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Its not about me,, since my dads been in hiding me and my brother haven't heard from him or know where he lives. So im not necessarily on his side.. but just think my mum is just greedy and to quote her 'its her right' to half of the pension

I agree. It is greedy of her to still be after him after all this time.

When I got divorced I asked my solicitor to write into the Deed of Separation that should I win the lottery at some point in the future she could not come after me for half of it. We had a full and final settlement and doesn't get a penny above the maintenance I give her and that stops when my daughter leaves school in three years time when she's 16 (she's going to Uni but I'll give the money directly to her until she finishes her degree)"

Is it not greedy of her. She is not after anything that has happened since the divorce. She is after what she contributed to for 22 years. If anyone says HE worked for it and completely ignores the fact that THEY were a couple they will only be on a loser from the start.

She needs a pension to live. I was her life too NOT just his. The fact she was unfaithful has nothing to do with it.

Married for 22 years.That's 22 years toward HER pension. It should have been sorted by now. He should take the blame if he is delaying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Army life is a slightly different matter than it first appears..like other marriages it takes two to keep things working...with Army life theres the periods of active service...the lonliness of foreign postings, it very tough on wives...and its partnership that two put into....

Personally, on balance I would understand if my Mum had persued my late fathers pension.....tho she wouldn`t of had to do that....different people..

Apologies for the lack of lucidity....bit foggy today ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not about me,, since my dads been in hiding me and my brother haven't heard from him or know where he lives. So im not necessarily on his side.. but just think my mum is just greedy and to quote her 'its her right' to half of the pension

I agree. It is greedy of her to still be after him after all this time.

When I got divorced I asked my solicitor to write into the Deed of Separation that should I win the lottery at some point in the future she could not come after me for half of it. We had a full and final settlement and doesn't get a penny above the maintenance I give her and that stops when my daughter leaves school in three years time when she's 16 (she's going to Uni but I'll give the money directly to her until she finishes her degree)

Is it not greedy of her. She is not after anything that has happened since the divorce. She is after what she contributed to for 22 years. If anyone says HE worked for it and completely ignores the fact that THEY were a couple they will only be on a loser from the start.

She needs a pension to live. I was her life too NOT just his. The fact she was unfaithful has nothing to do with it.

Married for 22 years.That's 22 years toward HER pension. It should have been sorted by now. He should take the blame if he is delaying."

You said it better...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

sorry granny i disagree,, but i do respect your opinion xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Disagreement is just fine - no need for sorry for your own opinon. x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

P.S. I claim clarity due to lack of emotional involvement :P

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me.

This is very bad advice.

For one ..... it's between mum and dad

For two ..... what kind of daughter says don't try for your pension so that you can eat in your old age 'Do as I say or I will cut you out of my life?'

+1"

I agree cute.that pension was paid for by them as a couple and although circumstances differ I think it belongs to them both. A woman gives up her career to support her partner in his and bringing up the family. Does she not also deserve to have a comfortable old age. He disappears to escape paying...is he not choosing not to share what is rightfully both of theirs and sacrificing his child for that. I would stay out of it.

She had affairs and left but there is usually a reason...happily married women rarely do this. You never know enough to judge other peoples relationships even though you might think so.

Mistress

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Tra threatened to divorce me because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

.

And then I saw her face.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"excuse my language/tone im about to use but im fresh from a spat with my mother

she cheated on my dad 3 times and left him, he was heartbroken. she applied for the divorce he agreed. When it came to the finances he went quiet then into hiding. 6 years on nothing has progressed, my mum is just chasing him for the pension that he spent 22years in the army working hard for..

i just think its greed and i cant stand it

If you feel strongly that she shouldn't go after your dad's pension give her an ultimatum: tell her to leave your dad alone or she'll lose you as a daughter.

That's what I'd do and her answer would tell me that if she still went after the money then she cared more for that than she did/does for me.

This is very bad advice.

For one ..... it's between mum and dad

For two ..... what kind of daughter says don't try for your pension so that you can eat in your old age 'Do as I say or I will cut you out of my life?'

+1

I agree cute.that pension was paid for by them as a couple and although circumstances differ I think it belongs to them both. A woman gives up her career to support her partner in his and bringing up the family. Does she not also deserve to have a comfortable old age. He disappears to escape paying...is he not choosing not to share what is rightfully both of theirs and sacrificing his child for that. I would stay out of it.

She had affairs and left but there is usually a reason...happily married women rarely do this. You never know enough to judge other peoples relationships even though you might think so.

Mistress"

Well said. No child ( no matter how old ) should be in the middle of their parents divorce.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When Tra threatened to divorce me because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

.

And then I saw her face."

hahaha..

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

I think you are spot on granny and the legal system after great debate agrees with you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I agree my dads a knob for doing a runner (at 16 i was kinda alright about it) but my brother was 13 and needed his dad more than ever.. that i doubt i'll ever forgive him. As a result of this he has never met his grandaughter.

That put aside,, my mum just wanted to cut free from him and divorce, she was no longer in love with him and had met someone else.. its only because of a solicitor that she is chasing the money, he refused to declare his income, then went into 'hiding' and there have since been about £5000 worth of fee's that my dad will be charged,, even a prision arrest if he continues to 'hide' and not turn up to court - stupid of him not to just surrender the information i think.. but all this has come about because my mum wants half of his pension

She knew he was in the army when they met and wasnt fussed on being a career woman. She held down well paid jobs too and could have paid into a private one. Both looked after me and my brother when we were young, and both worked..

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"I agree my dads a knob for doing a runner (at 16 i was kinda alright about it) but my brother was 13 and needed his dad more than ever.. that i doubt i'll ever forgive him. As a result of this he has never met his grandaughter.

That put aside,, my mum just wanted to cut free from him and divorce, she was no longer in love with him and had met someone else.. its only because of a solicitor that she is chasing the money, he refused to declare his income, then went into 'hiding' and there have since been about £5000 worth of fee's that my dad will be charged,, even a prision arrest if he continues to 'hide' and not turn up to court - stupid of him not to just surrender the information i think.. but all this has come about because my mum wants half of his pension

She knew he was in the army when they met and wasnt fussed on being a career woman. She held down well paid jobs too and could have paid into a private one. Both looked after me and my brother when we were young, and both worked.. "

Exactly. Both worked. Both contributed. Both have a right to the pension.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

how did my mum contribute to his pension?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"how did my mum contribute to his pension?"

Roughly C n S....

They were married. It wasn't HIS money. It was THEIR money. That's the bit no one can dispute.

A lot of people - women included - fail to realise that if women didn't raise the children and provide food and a home then men would not be able to pursue the lives and work that they do.

If she had have worked and they had been married i'd be saying the same thing in his favour.

It was not HIS money. x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Had they have remained together they would have drawn a couples pension.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"how did my mum contribute to his pension?

Roughly C n S....

They were married. It wasn't HIS money. It was THEIR money. That's the bit no one can dispute.

A lot of people - women included - fail to realise that if women didn't raise the children and provide food and a home then men would not be able to pursue the lives and work that they do.

If she had have worked and they had been married i'd be saying the same thing in his favour.

It was not HIS money. x "

Granny... are you my mum?? lol

for the record i love my mum loads, just have a slight issue with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's not forget that Dad is entitled to a share of Moms pension if she has one.

If Mom doesn't have a pension, it doesn't diminish her claim on Dads pension

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Army pensions are slightly different than civilian pensions.....spousal entitlement especially..

Bit hazy on the detail....I just this week written to them again on behalf of my mother..regarding something unrelated to this post..

Contacting them could help resolve the matter without increased acrimony...

Just a thought...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"how did my mum contribute to his pension?

Roughly C n S....

They were married. It wasn't HIS money. It was THEIR money. That's the bit no one can dispute.

A lot of people - women included - fail to realise that if women didn't raise the children and provide food and a home then men would not be able to pursue the lives and work that they do.

If she had have worked and they had been married i'd be saying the same thing in his favour.

It was not HIS money. x

Granny... are you my mum?? lol

for the record i love my mum loads, just have a slight issue with this "

No. I'm not your mum or you'd have been tied to the fence till you saw things my way!

I know you love her. My daughter argues ( from a distance ) with me too at times.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Let's not forget that Dad is entitled to a share of Moms pension if she has one.

If Mom doesn't have a pension, it doesn't diminish her claim on Dads pension

"

Correct Jack. Any pension mum accrued in those 22 years is half dads.

I suspect she didn't though.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

When I divorced I got my husband to sign a form saying we would make no further claims on each other in the future and that included pensions. I signed the same for him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my husband and I divorced he was already being paid his forces pension, we signed an agreement that I got his half of the house and he kept all his pension.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dig3UEbgXk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I s`pose communication comes at a premuin....

A sad thread really....

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

I have recently received an inheritance. It is in my name only and has been left to me..... however I am married and any money earned or accrued during my marriage is owned jointly by myself and my partner. If we should split up then my partner inherit it will be his only. That is how the law stands and I agree with it.

Two people set out on a life together expecting it to last. They both work (or not) but maybe one of them does the lion share of bring up the children and looking after the home (or not). Both people only have the life they have because of the other. Without the support it would not be possible to live as they do. They split up (moral issues apart as the law says - also nobody knows enough to judge). Everything financial wise which has come into that marriage is owned by both morally and by law. This includes both fixed and liquid assets... pensions amongst them. One parent decides to leave rather than share without paying maintenance (or paying). The remaining parent takes full parental responsibility for the children/child and carries on with life. As the years pass that parent realises that they can never play catch up with the pension rights which they did not use to the maximum in their name as they were contributing to a pension in the other partners name... expecting they would BOTH be provided for in old age by this.

So... the remaining children who are without the absent parent feel a loss and need someone to blame. Some blame the one that left. Understandable.. but by doing so emotionally right them off. Some blame the remaining parent for causing the other parent to leave.... why? well, because they can. As every active parent knows - children rebel or blame you because they can and know that you will still love them and wont leave them. They can trust them to receive their resentment and forgive them.

All understandable. Yes I am a mum, and no Im not divorced. In fact we are celebrating our anniversary today and feel very lucky. However should that go wrong.... neither of us could put finances on the top of our list. Look after the children and then sort all the details in a way that we will both be ok now and in the future. I know when hurt feels come into play things change.... but I hope not always.

Cute, dont beat yourself up. Its difficult. No winners there. I wonder how a mum feels when they have been the main parent (teenagers need parents just as much as little kids) and she feels her child turning against her in favour of the absent parent. It must be hard on her too.

Hope you too work this out. You only have one mum and I would give everything I possess to have mine back.

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have recently received an inheritance. It is in my name only and has been left to me..... however I am married and any money earned or accrued during my marriage is owned jointly by myself and my partner. If we should split up then my partner inherit it will be his only. That is how the law stands and I agree with it.

Two people set out on a life together expecting it to last. They both work (or not) but maybe one of them does the lion share of bring up the children and looking after the home (or not). Both people only have the life they have because of the other. Without the support it would not be possible to live as they do. They split up (moral issues apart as the law says - also nobody knows enough to judge). Everything financial wise which has come into that marriage is owned by both morally and by law. This includes both fixed and liquid assets... pensions amongst them. One parent decides to leave rather than share without paying maintenance (or paying). The remaining parent takes full parental responsibility for the children/child and carries on with life. As the years pass that parent realises that they can never play catch up with the pension rights which they did not use to the maximum in their name as they were contributing to a pension in the other partners name... expecting they would BOTH be provided for in old age by this.

So... the remaining children who are without the absent parent feel a loss and need someone to blame. Some blame the one that left. Understandable.. but by doing so emotionally right them off. Some blame the remaining parent for causing the other parent to leave.... why? well, because they can. As every active parent knows - children rebel or blame you because they can and know that you will still love them and wont leave them. They can trust them to receive their resentment and forgive them.

All understandable. Yes I am a mum, and no Im not divorced. In fact we are celebrating our anniversary today and feel very lucky. However should that go wrong.... neither of us could put finances on the top of our list. Look after the children and then sort all the details in a way that we will both be ok now and in the future. I know when hurt feels come into play things change.... but I hope not always.

Cute, dont beat yourself up. Its difficult. No winners there. I wonder how a mum feels when they have been the main parent (teenagers need parents just as much as little kids) and she feels her child turning against her in favour of the absent parent. It must be hard on her too.

Hope you too work this out. You only have one mum and I would give everything I possess to have mine back.

Mistress x"

Happy anniversary..

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall


"I have recently received an inheritance. It is in my name only and has been left to me..... however I am married and any money earned or accrued during my marriage is owned jointly by myself and my partner. If we should split up then my partner inherit it will be his only. That is how the law stands and I agree with it.

Two people set out on a life together expecting it to last. They both work (or not) but maybe one of them does the lion share of bring up the children and looking after the home (or not). Both people only have the life they have because of the other. Without the support it would not be possible to live as they do. They split up (moral issues apart as the law says - also nobody knows enough to judge). Everything financial wise which has come into that marriage is owned by both morally and by law. This includes both fixed and liquid assets... pensions amongst them. One parent decides to leave rather than share without paying maintenance (or paying). The remaining parent takes full parental responsibility for the children/child and carries on with life. As the years pass that parent realises that they can never play catch up with the pension rights which they did not use to the maximum in their name as they were contributing to a pension in the other partners name... expecting they would BOTH be provided for in old age by this.

So... the remaining children who are without the absent parent feel a loss and need someone to blame. Some blame the one that left. Understandable.. but by doing so emotionally right them off. Some blame the remaining parent for causing the other parent to leave.... why? well, because they can. As every active parent knows - children rebel or blame you because they can and know that you will still love them and wont leave them. They can trust them to receive their resentment and forgive them.

All understandable. Yes I am a mum, and no Im not divorced. In fact we are celebrating our anniversary today and feel very lucky. However should that go wrong.... neither of us could put finances on the top of our list. Look after the children and then sort all the details in a way that we will both be ok now and in the future. I know when hurt feels come into play things change.... but I hope not always.

Cute, dont beat yourself up. Its difficult. No winners there. I wonder how a mum feels when they have been the main parent (teenagers need parents just as much as little kids) and she feels her child turning against her in favour of the absent parent. It must be hard on her too.

Hope you too work this out. You only have one mum and I would give everything I possess to have mine back.

Mistress x

Happy anniversary.."

aw... thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Siren's pension was started long before I met her and is now quite a substantial amount (she's still on a final salary scheme but it's possibly it may switch to a career average one).

I don't see how I should be entitled to a cut of that if we split up. Similarly, I don't see how a wife of a man who had amassed a large pension pot before he met her should be entitled to half of it.

I also believe that the law should reflect on who caused the marriage to break down, if it was due to one of them being unfaithful then I believe that person forfeits any right to financial compensation above what he/she could expect to get by way if division of the property and fixtures & fittings plus car, holiday home (if any) that they'd both earned together. I certainly don't feel that it's fair that a man can be stripped of everything he has simply because the wife becomes the main custodian of any children. When my first wife and I split up she kept the house and all the furnishings simply because I did not want my daughter to come downstairs and see the TV, sofa, etc gone and her mum tell her "Daddy took it." Our financial settlement involved her father buying me out to the tune of £40k, which was still substantially less than half of the equity we had in the house (it was £35k short in actual fact).

I have learned since we split that she had been ferreting money away in a secret account that I had no knowledge of (I was earning a fortune in those days and my salary paid for everything whilst her salary was hers to do with as she wanted).

I know full well that if I'd had a pension she would have gone after it. Sod that.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"50 / 50

Less as long as you leave with your dignity.

Posessions are fuck all."
+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Siren's pension was started long before I met her and is now quite a substantial amount (she's still on a final salary scheme but it's possibly it may switch to a career average one).

I don't see how I should be entitled to a cut of that if we split up. Similarly, I don't see how a wife of a man who had amassed a large pension pot before he met her should be entitled to half of it.

I also believe that the law should reflect on who caused the marriage to break down, if it was due to one of them being unfaithful then I believe that person forfeits any right to financial compensation above what he/she could expect to get by way if division of the property and fixtures & fittings plus car, holiday home (if any) that they'd both earned together. I certainly don't feel that it's fair that a man can be stripped of everything he has simply because the wife becomes the main custodian of any children. When my first wife and I split up she kept the house and all the furnishings simply because I did not want my daughter to come downstairs and see the TV, sofa, etc gone and her mum tell her "Daddy took it." Our financial settlement involved her father buying me out to the tune of £40k, which was still substantially less than half of the equity we had in the house (it was £35k short in actual fact).

I have learned since we split that she had been ferreting money away in a secret account that I had no knowledge of (I was earning a fortune in those days and my salary paid for everything whilst her salary was hers to do with as she wanted).

I know full well that if I'd had a pension she would have gone after it. Sod that."

it is actually fact that sirens pension that was accrued before you met would not be taken into the equation if there was a split. some, and i do say some of your view i feel are quite antiquated. perhaps this is due to the previous history before meeting siren.

my share of my husbands pension was assessed from the date i moved in with him till the date i moved out. who did what to make the marriage end should never come into anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Siren's pension was started long before I met her and is now quite a substantial amount (she's still on a final salary scheme but it's possibly it may switch to a career average one).

I don't see how I should be entitled to a cut of that if we split up. Similarly, I don't see how a wife of a man who had amassed a large pension pot before he met her should be entitled to half of it.

I also believe that the law should reflect on who caused the marriage to break down, if it was due to one of them being unfaithful then I believe that person forfeits any right to financial compensation above what he/she could expect to get by way if division of the property and fixtures & fittings plus car, holiday home (if any) that they'd both earned together. I certainly don't feel that it's fair that a man can be stripped of everything he has simply because the wife becomes the main custodian of any children. When my first wife and I split up she kept the house and all the furnishings simply because I did not want my daughter to come downstairs and see the TV, sofa, etc gone and her mum tell her "Daddy took it." Our financial settlement involved her father buying me out to the tune of £40k, which was still substantially less than half of the equity we had in the house (it was £35k short in actual fact).

I have learned since we split that she had been ferreting money away in a secret account that I had no knowledge of (I was earning a fortune in those days and my salary paid for everything whilst her salary was hers to do with as she wanted).

I know full well that if I'd had a pension she would have gone after it. Sod that.

it is actually fact that sirens pension that was accrued before you met would not be taken into the equation if there was a split. some, and i do say some of your view i feel are quite antiquated. perhaps this is due to the previous history before meeting siren.

my share of my husbands pension was assessed from the date i moved in with him till the date i moved out. who did what to make the marriage end should never come into anything.

"

sorry it should read, my share was based on the date i married my husband to the date i left. the years i lived with him where not taken into account

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

I also believe that the law should reflect on who caused the marriage to break down, if it was due to one of them being unfaithful then I believe that person forfeits any right to financial compensation ..."
I would struggle with this concept as one person's infidelity is RARELY the sole reason for divorce. The courts, not just in the UK but in many European countries have stopped asking for all the dirty washing being put out simply because there is the assumption that it takes two people to form a relationship. Now there are probably a few cases where the concept of the greater blame does have a place however the vast majority of divorce cases are not helped by the minutiae of "he said, she said". Generally speaking the courts should (and I believe they do) look at making sure that above all the childrens' needs are taken care of and that both partners have roughly equal and fair shares to rebuild a future for themselves. Hope that comes out the way I intended it to...

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By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago

Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree

Divorce is a very painful affair, both sides have their own perspectives of what went wrong, who was to blame and who got one over the other in the financial stakes.

None of it is ever straightforward, and when you add to the mix the solicitors running up huge bills to get you what you 'deserve' and other outside influences (i.e. new girlfriends or their new wife), it all goes tits up.

I don't know whether your mum was a stay-at-home mum, whilst your dad was serving in the Army, but she is entitled to half his pension as the law stands.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Scares the pants off me for sure .after 38 years i dont know where to start Im too scared of loosing everything to even start thinking about divorce. I have the feeling he would screw me totally as i have no idea how much he earns or where his savings are or if he has a pension .I had inheritence from mum which i think belongs to the kids not him but if i left he would expect it.

so i stay miserable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just at the stage of working out what to do as regards divorce... those of you who know me (or have read my profile) know I'm married, but the divorce is on the cards. It's scary...

I'm at the stage of just finding a room somewhere, saying, I'm off, and leaving. I'm not bothered about the house or anything in it...

Like I say, scary though...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok i have been married for 25 yrs..we decided not to divorce, simply because of the assets,not only that,he is my best friend and confident who i can tell all my secrets to..

yes i still share the marital home for the sake of our children,but marriage can become stale after a time,and we have discussed this between ourselves,but would never consider divorce,as how it is at the moment it just works for us...end of..

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

well mine has been rubber stamped and im single now and were still good friends you have to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I also believe that the law should reflect on who caused the marriage to break down, if it was due to one of them being unfaithful then I believe that person forfeits any right to financial compensation ... I would struggle with this concept as one person's infidelity is RARELY the sole reason for divorce. The courts, not just in the UK but in many European countries have stopped asking for all the dirty washing being put out simply because there is the assumption that it takes two people to form a relationship. Now there are probably a few cases where the concept of the greater blame does have a place however the vast majority of divorce cases are not helped by the minutiae of "he said, she said". Generally speaking the courts should (and I believe they do) look at making sure that above all the childrens' needs are taken care of and that both partners have roughly equal and fair shares to rebuild a future for themselves. Hope that comes out the way I intended it to..."

If people knew that their actions (ie extramarital affairs) would affect what they get from a divorce maybe they would think twice about jeopardising it, thus keeping some couples together. Obviously I'm not advocating this as a solution in ccases of physical and/or mental abuse as the first option in those instances is to get out of harm's way asap, but if someone deliberately deceives their spouse and has affairs for the pure thrill of it then they should lose any claim on the marital possessions. Why should the one who has been faithful lose out because of the actions of a deceitful partner?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I took everything but the dog however i bought it all including the dog but the dog was his but i would of split evenly as long as he wasnt a nutter about but as he was i took the lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such a Sad thread, Sassy I hope things get resolved, eventually, to the satisfaction of all.

The saddest being that families often fall out over money, be it divorce, inheritance or whatever.

And in the end, it makes me glad I have never married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left with fuck all other than the clothes I stood in, the car, and my personal odds and ends, but I'll tell you something, when I opened the door to to my new home I breathed one mother fucking sigh of relief despite the fact that I had no furniture, bed, carpets or anything else, but it's mine ....

50/50 ??? she was welcome to the lot, at leat I left with my sanity (only just)

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By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago

Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree


"Scares the pants off me for sure .after 38 years i dont know where to start Im too scared of loosing everything to even start thinking about divorce. I have the feeling he would screw me totally as i have no idea how much he earns or where his savings are or if he has a pension .I had inheritence from mum which i think belongs to the kids not him but if i left he would expect it.

so i stay miserable "

Divorce is a big step and only you can decide whether to stay or walk. When getting divorced you both have to declare all your savings, earnings, pension etc. Ok I'm sure some don't but the Court can order you to supply the information. As to any inheritance - if it was inherited by you, he is entitled to half of it unless it was specifically left to the children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe a slightly different angle on this; concerning the legal profession in general. You can hire all the expensive Solicitors or Barristers you like; but at the end of the day a Judge will apply a simple standard formula for dividing up the assets from a marriage. Obviously, child care/custody is a separate issue where it applies. But, male or female, do think twice about paying thousands (and it will be thousands) of pounds to legal professionals who quite well know the score from day one.

Anyone needing private advice, my fees are £0.000 per hour!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i left with nothing more than my money from the house i had put into it.I could of gone to court for a hell of a lot more but i got away sane and its the best thing i ever done i just wish i had done it years ago.

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry

still aint had mine....

if i get nothing hey ho...

but we get on so who knows..

hope she is fair lol...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Legality and morality are very different entities. very true, you also got to remember even though a solicitor says they are working for you, they are actually working for themselfs and view you as a source of income (heard too many horror stories to think otherwise now) and i personally think heather mills was a spiteful golddigger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm giving marriage a miss...

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By *ea and SugarCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

If I lost the love of my life, material possessions wouldn't mean a thing

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