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Do you think we should move on?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

From friendships that no longer satisfy us?

I have just told my so called "best friend" what I think.

She doesn't want to spend any time with me!

We see each other once every couple of months - only for a quick lunch and she doesn't understand me at all.

I won't bore you all with the details - but I feel really sad

I obviously think more of her than she does of me.

I'm so tired of feeling ignored.

She was my last old friend left in my area.

Time to relocate I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My closest friend I see twice a year, once in the summer and again just before Xmas, we have a meal and a fair few drinks and put the world to rights, we keep in touch via txt and Facebook throughout the year, you don’t have to see them face to face to remain friends.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"From friendships that no longer satisfy us?

I have just told my so called "best friend" what I think.

She doesn't want to spend any time with me!

We see each other once every couple of months - only for a quick lunch and she doesn't understand me at all.

I won't bore you all with the details - but I feel really sad

I obviously think more of her than she does of me.

I'm so tired of feeling ignored.

She was my last old friend left in my area.

Time to relocate I think

"

Yorkshire is nice...

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

happens me all the time. Starts with me being the one to start the chat every day, and if I dont we dont chat.

At first I start the chats every day for like a week/month, then miss it. Not out of spite, just life in the way etc.

then you miss another, and another, because, other things/people are becoming important ant these other things contact you.

Before long you havent talked in an age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People grow, people change.....

Here's to new memories with new besties x

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Reason, season, lifetime. I'm a big believer in that one.

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton

If you feel that bad.... firstly create space, mentally and or physically and take time out to let things cool down. Time for yous both to think and ponder your friendship. Give that a go before you destroy things forever!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My closest friend I see twice a year, once in the summer and again just before Xmas, we have a meal and a fair few drinks and put the world to rights, we keep in touch via txt and Facebook throughout the year, you don’t have to see them face to face to remain friends."

Im the same

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

It depends on the friendship you have.

I have people in my life that I don't need contact with on a regular basis it might be every six months or year at Christmas say, but if they needed anything, at any time, I would be there for what ever it is, the time spent with these friends is as though not a day has gone past since we last spoke or saw each other (we have just got a little older and hopefully wiser).

Other friends well things change, they change, circumstances change.

I think the best thing to say is that "you can choose your friends"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a habit of just cutting people out of my life who I don't think fit in my life. I'm not sure it's a healthy thing to do, but it makes me happy.

I've been told by family that it makes me cold, emotionless in a way. But in my opinion it makes my life simpler and happier. I say do what makes you happy when it comes to the reltionships in your life.

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I've realised that locality and respect is rare. I get hurt because I expect people to care as much as I do. Sadly they don't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I think she doesn't feel the same way because she has a BF and a family.

Where as I don't have any family left and I'm single - so I guess I've got more time on my hands.

I just want to be friends with people that are on the same page.

I'm tired of spending weekends alone

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By *irestorm 500Couple
over a year ago

coventry


"I've realised that locality and respect is rare. I get hurt because I expect people to care as much as I do. Sadly they don't. "

Agree in all aspects of relationships x storm x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From friendships that no longer satisfy us?

I have just told my so called "best friend" what I think.

She doesn't want to spend any time with me!

We see each other once every couple of months - only for a quick lunch and she doesn't understand me at all.

I won't bore you all with the details - but I feel really sad

I obviously think more of her than she does of me.

I'm so tired of feeling ignored.

She was my last old friend left in my area.

Time to relocate I think

"

Relationships take effort and input. As said by others it doesn't mean you have to see each other all the time, but you have to want to *be* with the person when you do meet. It's difficult when that level of want is unbalanced, whether in romantic or platonic relationships. But also no one owes you a friendship or an investment either, that's the tricky thing -- so pulling someone up on lack of effort (of course I've no idea how you told your friend so this many not apply) isn't necessarily the way to remedy things. Sometimes people just outgrow each other, for a period or forever.

What is important is not putting your all on one person (again, not saying you're doing that either) but investing in a selection of friendships for different reasons and times in your life. You being happy and meeting people and having fun takes pressure off a faltering relationship and may actually remedy it and reignite it, or make the occasional times of seeing them better and more meaningful, or ease the slipping away of it if that's what happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see or speak to my best friend for months at a time, we live over 100 miles apart nowadays and she has a family of her own.

We always just pick up where we left off but we also know we are there for each other if we need it.

Very few friends will last a lifetime. One lost another one gained.

Some friends are takers, some givers. Did your friend say she didn't want to spend time with you or is that the feeling you get? She may have something troubling her. But I get the feeling it's all about her when you meet up? That can be quite draining if you can't unload as well.

It is hard when you see a friendship going down the pan when you don't want it to, I'm seeing that myself right now.

Priorities change in life, you may become closer again in the future?

Come to mid Wales!

Hugs to you. X

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"I have a habit of just cutting people out of my life who I don't think fit in my life. I'm not sure it's a healthy thing to do, but it makes me happy.

I've been told by family that it makes me cold, emotionless in a way. But in my opinion it makes my life simpler and happier. I say do what makes you happy when it comes to the reltionships in your life. "

The word congruence comes to mind, with that come trust and respect, well in my world....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From friendships that no longer satisfy us?

I have just told my so called "best friend" what I think.

She doesn't want to spend any time with me!

We see each other once every couple of months - only for a quick lunch and she doesn't understand me at all.

I won't bore you all with the details - but I feel really sad

I obviously think more of her than she does of me.

I'm so tired of feeling ignored.

She was my last old friend left in my area.

Time to relocate I think

"

I know exactly how you feel.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

Unfortunately these things happen, my best mate of 35yrs, and my cousin, both treated me differently after my wife left me a year ago, they haven't spoken to me since xmas but still talk to my ex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my childhood best friend because of my husband. As children we were inseparable, through our teens and into our 20's.

I accepted that we had grown apart with our lives being so different.

We are different people now.

Move on.

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton


"I have a habit of just cutting people out of my life who I don't think fit in my life. I'm not sure it's a healthy thing to do, but it makes me happy.

I've been told by family that it makes me cold, emotionless in a way. But in my opinion it makes my life simpler and happier. I say do what makes you happy when it comes to the reltionships in your life. "

Im so like that.... you are the first person that i have come across that openly admits to this.

Mr... x

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By *ticky_vikkiWoman
over a year ago

Herts


"I think she doesn't feel the same way because she has a BF and a family.

Where as I don't have any family left and I'm single - so I guess I've got more time on my hands.

I just want to be friends with people that are on the same page.

I'm tired of spending weekends alone "

This is exactly how I feel, it’s shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I very rarely speak to my all time closest friend my best friend and I class her as a sister. We grew up together.

As we've both got partners, family now I think you do grow apart...I think it's part of life.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad Op.

But you can only water growing plants if that makes sense.

Why make effort if she's not willing to on her part.

Maybe it's just meant to be.

Sending big hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one of my most trusted friends i rarely see - still could land on her doorstep if i needed to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lost touch with a lot of my friends, one of the reasons I came on here, to get chatting again...

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By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY


"I think she doesn't feel the same way because she has a BF and a family.

Where as I don't have any family left and I'm single - so I guess I've got more time on my hands.

I just want to be friends with people that are on the same page.

I'm tired of spending weekends alone "

Have you had a conversation with her about how your are feeling, how you see the friendship has gone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it hard to hold onto friendships if I don't see the person . I've always been fairly self sufficient so it's never really bothered me. But I would think if it's not making you happy then yes move on. People change, and their priorities, some things do just fizzle out x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a habit of just cutting people out of my life who I don't think fit in my life. I'm not sure it's a healthy thing to do, but it makes me happy.

I've been told by family that it makes me cold, emotionless in a way. But in my opinion it makes my life simpler and happier. I say do what makes you happy when it comes to the reltionships in your life.

Im so like that.... you are the first person that i have come across that openly admits to this.

Mr... x"

This is also me.

I cut any negativity out of my life as I don't want to feel dragged down.

If I feel I'm having to make the effort & the conversation is constantly one sided then they have to go.

I do this with relationships too sadly!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a habit of just cutting people out of my life who I don't think fit in my life. I'm not sure it's a healthy thing to do, but it makes me happy.

I've been told by family that it makes me cold, emotionless in a way. But in my opinion it makes my life simpler and happier. I say do what makes you happy when it comes to the reltionships in your life.

Im so like that.... you are the first person that i have come across that openly admits to this.

Mr... x

This is also me.

I cut any negativity out of my life as I don't want to feel dragged down.

If I feel I'm having to make the effort & the conversation is constantly one sided then they have to go.

I do this with relationships too sadly! "

I do this too! Mim

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?


"I've realised that loyalty and respect is rare. I get hurt because I expect people to care as much as I do. Sadly they don't.

Agree in all aspects of relationships x storm x "

Some are just colder people, only wrapped up in there own world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like the seasons people come into our lives sometimes they stsy sometimed they go.

Those that go may reappear we never know when or why. But whatever we shared with them always remains.

Those that go allow time and space for new friends new hopes new dreams...

Like the seasons all things must change...

And change it's often good often what we need just at the time we need it.

Follow your dreams OP and friends will follow you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think she doesn't feel the same way because she has a BF and a family.

Where as I don't have any family left and I'm single - so I guess I've got more time on my hands.

I just want to be friends with people that are on the same page.

I'm tired of spending weekends alone

This is exactly how I feel, it’s shit "

Yes

I think it's difficult for people in relationships or who have kids to understand how much it matters that their friends without it need company.

I like my own company- but I don't want to spend every weekend alone

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

A friendship should be mutually important. Once one feels it's lopsided in some way it is definitely time to reassess.

It has nothing to do with the frequency of contact, 5 years can go by and still the friendship remains strong.

Letting a friend go can be painful, but like any relationship, being on your own is better than being with the wrong person.

I have friends that go back to when I was 12. I've had newer friends too, most recently some from Fab even.

My rule of thumb now is that if a friend's number shows up on caller display, and I get a sinking feeling, then that's not a true friend, it's someone who is leaching from me energy-wise and they have to go

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Like the seasons people come into our lives sometimes they stsy sometimed they go.

Those that go may reappear we never know when or why. But whatever we shared with them always remains.

Those that go allow time and space for new friends new hopes new dreams...

Like the seasons all things must change...

And change it's often good often what we need just at the time we need it.

Follow your dreams OP and friends will follow you x"

That sums it up perfectly

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

I am there for all my friends when they need me. The same can not be said for all of them. Probably only 1 I could count on. That said I still call the others my friends. Just don't rely on them.

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By *typical guyMan
over a year ago

wigan


"I think she doesn't feel the same way because she has a BF and a family.

Where as I don't have any family left and I'm single - so I guess I've got more time on my hands.

I just want to be friends with people that are on the same page.

I'm tired of spending weekends alone

This is exactly how I feel, it’s shit

Yes

I think it's difficult for people in relationships or who have kids to understand how much it matters that their friends without it need company.

I like my own company- but I don't want to spend every weekend alone "

It is completely understandable why you are feeling shit about the situation however it is important not to look at it as though your friend has abandoned you or doesn`t care. I`m sure your friend understands that you are lonely but that doesn`t stop her having her own responsibility and obligations.

If you need company then you must find someone, or something to do about it such as exploring a hobby, joining a club etc. Please don`t "blame" your friend for you being alone. We are responsible for our own happiness and i will be honest, if someone demanded time i didn`t have and tried to make me feel guilty for their loneliness i would take offense. I would also feel more of a "crutch" than a friend, esp if they placed their wants higher than my responsibilities.

Obviously i dont know the specifics about your situation so only you know if your friend is being selfish or not. One thing i do know is that it is very easy to take things to heart when you are feeling down and end up in situations we regret. Falling out with your friend really is the opposite of what you need if you don`t want to be lonely.

You need to find more friends, not cut out the ones you have already. Of course if they aren`t actually a good friend (i.e. someone you can trust, or count on in an emegency etc) then cutting them out may be the best option. Nobody needs toxic people in their life but remember, none of us are perfect and circumstances dictate.

If your friend is genuniely busy then maybe you can find a way to help her spend time with you. Rather than just meeting up for coffee or a night out, change your routine so that you can go to the supermaket together or offer to help her with decorating etc etc. You get company and it might free up time for her to met up with you more often.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"I am there for all my friends when they need me. The same can not be said for all of them. Probably only 1 I could count on. That said I still call the others my friends. Just don't rely on them."

I believe there should be more than one word for friends. There are the do or die friends who are there for each other for life. And the ones who come and go.

'Chums' doesn't sum it up enough though

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By *iercedCplCouple
over a year ago

Greater Manchester


"

I think it's difficult for people in relationships or who have kids to understand how much it matters that their friends without it need company.

I like my own company- but I don't want to spend every weekend alone "

See, I find the flip side. Just because we have a family doesn't mean we want to be alone with them always. I know kids can be hard work, but showing an occasional interest is nice.

And if you don't, the spending time in with us alone is always fun.

I found having kids makes you lonely in a different way x

Tricky x

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By *typical guyMan
over a year ago

wigan


"I am there for all my friends when they need me. The same can not be said for all of them. Probably only 1 I could count on. That said I still call the others my friends. Just don't rely on them.

I believe there should be more than one word for friends. There are the do or die friends who are there for each other for life. And the ones who come and go.

'Chums' doesn't sum it up enough though "

I call them `mates` but I think acquaintances is a maybe a better word. Friends should be for meaningful relationships. People you can trust and that care about each other.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East


"I am there for all my friends when they need me. The same can not be said for all of them. Probably only 1 I could count on. That said I still call the others my friends. Just don't rely on them.

I believe there should be more than one word for friends. There are the do or die friends who are there for each other for life. And the ones who come and go.

'Chums' doesn't sum it up enough though

I call them `mates` but I think acquaintances is a maybe a better word. Friends should be for meaningful relationships. People you can trust and that care about each other. "

I am not sure whether calling them friends, mates or chums matters. But I agree theres a difference between the transient ones and the friends for life. Weirdly the one person I can count on I have only known for 4 years. Yrust her implicitly. My oldest friends no way would I trust to the same extent. Yet i carry one of them's biggest secret to the grave.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"From friendships that no longer satisfy us?

I have just told my so called "best friend" what I think.

She doesn't want to spend any time with me!

We see each other once every couple of months - only for a quick lunch and she doesn't understand me at all.

I won't bore you all with the details - but I feel really sad

I obviously think more of her than she does of me.

I'm so tired of feeling ignored.

She was my last old friend left in my area.

Time to relocate I think

"

Come to Margate.

I'll happily be a friend

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I feel u, sometimes people grow apart. Very sad but true

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Some people just end up being hideous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some people just end up being hideous.

"

True story

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Some people just end up being hideous.

True story "

Some people just want you for their own means or amusement.

When there is nothing else to fill the time, you are the one constant who will answer the phone but ultimately you will end up being the one dropped like a hot coal when things are dreamy in their world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a friend who was a knob. I met him at school and he hated me having girlfriends. He basically acted like Smithy from Gavin and Stacy. He then moved to Plymouth abd wondered why I wouldnt go and see him (I live in Middlesbrough) and that isnt exactly a quick trip to the local pub.

He just didnt understand and started sulking and moaning all the time. So I told him he needed to get on with his life

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