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How strict are you on your kids

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Off the bat I am not talking younger kids .

I mean older ones still living at home 20+

Do you make them pay housekeeping/rent?

What about chores?

How much freedom do you give them?

We thought it would be easier as they get older,seems to be harder.

In that they think they are adults and should be treated like one.

Yet still act like 14 years old and throw tantrums and basically take the piss.

If it was upto me I would show her the door

Unfortunately it's not as easy as that.

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

Dont charge our eldest (18) board but she has to pay for own buspass and food at 6th form.

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I don't have children but here's my take on it if I did.

If they are still in full time education I wouldn't expect them to pay anything towards their keep.

If they are not then they will either be working or on benefits. In this case they should pay towards their keep. It needn't be a massive amount but they need to know that things in life aren't free.

As for chores even small children should be doing something. There are no magic cleaning fairies that do it for you. A 4 year old is capable of straightening their bed when they get up, tidying their toys away and putting their clothes in the laundry basket when they take them off.

If your adult child is taking the piss OP you need to get tough with them.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare


"I don't have children but here's my take on it if I did.

If they are still in full time education I wouldn't expect them to pay anything towards their keep.

If they are not then they will either be working or on benefits. In this case they should pay towards their keep. It needn't be a massive amount but they need to know that things in life aren't free.

As for chores even small children should be doing something. There are no magic cleaning fairies that do it for you. A 4 year old is capable of straightening their bed when they get up, tidying their toys away and putting their clothes in the laundry basket when they take them off.

If your adult child is taking the piss OP you need to get tough with them."

They could be in college

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Nope working part time.

I am not saying that we are not strict or not strict enough.

Just trying to guage how others do it.

I feel that she gets an easy ride,but also life is fucking hard enough ,if I could go back to living the easy life at home I would lol

But that would make me very sad indeed.

There is a fine line between giving her responsibilities and treating her like a child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once my siblings and I were out of education and still at home we had to pay a small amount each week. It was referred to as housekeeping, I imagine it barely covered the food we ate, but my folks said they put it in a savings account and were going to use the money when we bought a house/got married/other major life event where a helping hand financially would be useful. I think it was a good idea, gets you into having to put a bit aside for your living costs but without feeling like they were being harsh.

We also had to clean our rooms and pitch in with chores , never as formal as a rota though.

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By *arciocialWoman
over a year ago

Leicester

I haven't got kids that age, but have friends that do.

I have one friend who has child working and expects parents to still do everything for them, pays no rent/food etc... Their wages go on everything they want.

Another friends has kids working and pretty much a similar situation, only they make sure their children pay for tier own stuff and do stuff around the house as the contribution. I also believe that once they are no longer in education they should contribute to their keep, the parents aren't getting any money for them any longer and whilst they may be your child you're allowing them to rely on you too much by doing everything for them. They should pay for their own things, phone, insurance etc, it was their choice to get them so they should take responsibility for them.

I know it's harder for this generation to move out, due to the extortionate house prices (even renting), but they won't be at home forever and need to learn how to manage responsibilities.

Personally, I think children should be taught the basics of independence from a young age, as in saving for things they want and doing basic chores in order to set them up for the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only speak from a child's point of view.

When I was 16/17, I was at college three days a week, work placement one day, working Thursday, Friday & Saturday nights and all day Sunday, so around 25 hours per week - my mum didn't charge me rent, but I did chores like tidying my bedroom, cleaning the bathroom/kitchen and completely paying my way out of what I earned. I moved back in briefly at 22 claiming JSA & volunteering, I paid my mum £40 every fortnight and did a few chores around the house, which I thought was more than fair.

Although, if your daughter's in her 20s and she's never moved out or lived alone, you might have to toughen up or she'll never go, or when she does she won't have a clue how to manage money in regards to rent, bills and so on.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

While still in the education then I feel it's fair to not expect them to contribute financially. However, once they leave education then they absolutely should be paying something towards rent/board/lodgings/housekeeping or whatever you choose to call it.

Budgeting is a valuable life skill and contributing towards household expenses as a young adult is a great way to learn that nothing in life is free.

Also, household chores are not something that any of us really enjoy doing but they have to be done. Even small children need to learn to pick up their toys and put them away. A young adult living in a shared house would not expect their housemates to do all the chores and pick up after them. Their parents shouldn't have to either.

If I had a young adult child who did not want to contribute financially and/or partake in taking care of the chores then I would be inviting them to look at standing on their own two feet and assist them with flat hunting

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

To be honest if I knew how my step son was going to turn out, I would have started beating him with stinging nettles whilst reading from the bible...

He's not a bad person but very selfish. At 17 I bought him a car, loaned him the money for the insurance.

He pays the insurance back monthly but we agreed that once he got a full time job or an apprenticeship, he would start paying for the car.

Now he's left college, he is still doing his part time job but with overtime is doing full time hours.

We said it's about time he started paying towards the car.

His reply " I don't do all these hours to line your pockets."

Two minutes later he was out the house with no keys (my house) no phone(my phone) no car(my car)

I let him keep his clothes and shoes (guess what, I pay for them too).

Unfortunately Frisky went and got him...

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I'm in that position now where daughter has just started working full time.

But as a Lp since she was 2 and in that time I've been a full time student and been working full time at points so she's always been expected to help at home, from tidying away her toys and putting her clothes in laundry basket to this past summer we split the whole housework down the middle...

Money's always been tight too so she learned the word no early on (she's never gone without or not kept up with friends or been embarrassed).

When she gets her first pay she'll give me a 3rd for keep, saving a 3rd (thanks lady in bank who backed me up on this) and 3rd for spending.

Parents that leave this till teens/20's have left it too late.

I'm absolutely not a perfect parent we've had our trials but she is (I hope) polite, sensible and considerate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've already discussed this with my kids and when they start working they will be paying 20% of what they earn to us as rent. I don't think that's unreasonable.

If they earned £1000 a month after tax, £200 is nothing for a roof over your head with all food and bills.

It's about realising that nothing is free and teaches them how to budget.

Also told them of what's left 50% should go into savings and the rest is for them to spend. I could have done this but didn't and pissed it all away. I could have had just as much fun if I'd saved half.

Hopefully they can benefit from the mistakes I made.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

i would make them pay some rent, let them clean their own room and as they are adults i would give them their freedom.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We were strict on our kids with the important things. What we consider important might not be so to others. We rarely lent them money preferring to give it and neither of them paid board.

One left home at 17 anyway while the other hung on until around 23.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does a staffy count as a kid?

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By *randmrskinkCouple
over a year ago

South Coast

Ours has just gone to uni but pop's home a few nights a week. Wish the uni was a bit further away. Treats our place like a hotel and expects a 100 percent satisfaction guarantee on his stay here. Will start talking about rent when he is back from uni.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

I wouldn't take money off them for as long as I could. If I did take money it would go into a savings account for their first property or whatever.

There is a whole generation getting stuck at home cause they cant save up deposits and the likes.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth


"I wouldn't take money off them for as long as I could. If I did take money it would go into a savings account for their first property or whatever.

There is a whole generation getting stuck at home cause they cant save up deposits and the likes."

And how many of those who can't save up deposits have actually been properly saving hard? My bet is that most of them have been having far too much fun spending rather than learning to be responsible

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