FabSwingers.com forum: Serious question

By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

A friend of mine lost her teenage son last week through suicide. She is completely devastated and I guess my presence on here, laughing and joking on the forums is a way of avoiding thinking about what happened. It does make me wonder what decisions in life we would not make if we knew the outcome, the consequences beforehand....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite a lot... The self preservation gene is very powerful..;-)

However we can temper selfishness with love or duty...

Avoiding your friend is human...

Calling her ( as you will, at the right time ) is humane... Xxx

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Quite a lot... The self preservation gene is very powerful..;-)

However we can temper selfishness with love or duty...

Avoiding your friend is human...

Calling her ( as you will, at the right time ) is humane... Xxx"
I am in contact with her and i was more thinking that by being on here I am avoiding thinking about her outside the times when I am talking to her... And one of the things I said was this...: If we all knew the outcome of our decisions, for example to have (or not to have ) children... would we do things differently?

Its times like this that make me a bit philosophical...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

first of all, i am sorry to hear about your friends loss and your own related grief.

suicide is a horrible thing to deal with, especially when a younger person is involved.

we arranged counselling for one of our staff last year for the same thing.

there is sadly only so much comfort friendly words will bring to your friend. they do really need to work in conjunction with professional assitance.

as for your question, the whole 'knowing' what will happen thing is something i would sooner not know and certainly don't wish to contemplate the whole 'sliding doors' concept.

no doubt your choices would change but it would still be one hell of a path to tread as no life is constantly filled with health, wealth and happiness.

big hugs x

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"first of all, i am sorry to hear about your friends loss and your own related grief.

suicide is a horrible thing to deal with, especially when a younger person is involved.

we arranged counselling for one of our staff last year for the same thing.

there is sadly only so much comfort friendly words will bring to your friend. they do really need to work in conjunction with professional assitance.

as for your question, the whole 'knowing' what will happen thing is something i would sooner not know and certainly don't wish to contemplate the whole 'sliding doors' concept.

no doubt your choices would change but it would still be one hell of a path to tread as no life is constantly filled with health, wealth and happiness.

big hugs x"
Thank you for that xx

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

I had to make a decision, many years ago based on some knowledge I had, which at the time may or may not have affected my life drastically.

It was the hardest decision I ever made and prevented me from doing something which I believe was my roll in life.

Some 20 years down the line the decision I made has proved to be the right one. And at least I have stopped something in its tracks.

So yes decisions sometimes have to be made.

My thought go to your friend and to you.

Hugs

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I had to make a decision, many years ago based on some knowledge I had, which at the time may or may not have affected my life drastically.

It was the hardest decision I ever made and prevented me from doing something which I believe was my roll in life.

Some 20 years down the line the decision I made has proved to be the right one. And at least I have stopped something in its tracks.

So yes decisions sometimes have to be made.

My thought go to your friend and to you.

Hugs"
Thnak you xx I guess that is where I am coming from. My friend found it helpful in some way as she said she would have still decided to have her son many years ago, even had she known ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"first of all, i am sorry to hear about your friends loss and your own related grief.

suicide is a horrible thing to deal with, especially when a younger person is involved.

we arranged counselling for one of our staff last year for the same thing.

there is sadly only so much comfort friendly words will bring to your friend. they do really need to work in conjunction with professional assitance.

as for your question, the whole 'knowing' what will happen thing is something i would sooner not know and certainly don't wish to contemplate the whole 'sliding doors' concept.

no doubt your choices would change but it would still be one hell of a path to tread as no life is constantly filled with health, wealth and happiness.

big hugs x"

Wise words from a truly sentient being….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can only hope they are in a better place in death than they were in life

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

How very, very sad. My very best wishes to all, living after a close family member's suicide is unbelievably painful and support and help is crucial. May your friend get the help she will need xx

Take care of her x and yourself x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

20 20 hindsight is a marvel...;-)

If we knew the future... Would we have kids who we knew would commit suicide...?

Philosophically... Would I deny a child a life... No.

Knowing that a date is set for an outcome... Therefore knowing the path to that event... I could always "correct" the journey... But changing one arrival point... Sends you/ me to another place on another day...

Mmmm... Philosophy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for yer hurt...and your friends...

I`m not sure if I`m reading things well at the moment...

I would say tho...we can`t take responsibility for others choices..

I do hope the path for all becomes clearer and less painful..x

Apologies if I`m off topic..x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"first of all, i am sorry to hear about your friends loss and your own related grief.

suicide is a horrible thing to deal with, especially when a younger person is involved.

we arranged counselling for one of our staff last year for the same thing.

there is sadly only so much comfort friendly words will bring to your friend. they do really need to work in conjunction with professional assitance.

as for your question, the whole 'knowing' what will happen thing is something i would sooner not know and certainly don't wish to contemplate the whole 'sliding doors' concept.

no doubt your choices would change but it would still be one hell of a path to tread as no life is constantly filled with health, wealth and happiness.

big hugs x"

Lovely post mate.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Hi everybody and thanks for the lovely comments so far - yes, it is incredibly difficult for her and for the family, and I have also had many very genuine and warm, helpful pm messages. I will take some of the things people have said, both publicly and privately and see if I can make it helpful to my mate. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life is bittersweet. The happiest I've ever been in my 50 years: eight weeks of my son's life. I've not experienced such joy or pain. My son died of "natural" causes. I can't begin to imagine the pain your friend is in.

Do I regret having Matthew? No...the love, happiness and contentment I felt was a blessing. My total joy measured eight weeks. Some people don't manage eight seconds in a lifetime.

Your friend will be going through every gamut of emotion. You'll probably not know what to say. We are all different. Just be there for her. Friends avoided me as they didn't know what to say: that made me feel worse!

Your friend will get through this x

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By *r ManxMan
over a year ago

NeverWhere

Very sorry for your friends loss

Playing the what if game will just make things worse!

Their are too many permutations.

Live life for the here and now and the future. Even if it is only for the next 10 minutes, next hour,day, month, year,10 years.

Learn from the past and remember the good times but live for the future

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Even if I knew of a fate that would befall one or both of my children, I would have made a big mistake if I had decided not to have them!

Yes, perhaps I would have known pain unimaginable, but so far their lives have touched so many people, it would have been a selfish act indeed to have denied them life.

I cannot imagine the pain your friend (s) is (are) going through, but I'll bet you that there are some very happy memories that they will draw strength from when the pain of the passing of a loved one dulls just that little bit.

Both Les & I hope that day is not too far away and although they will never forget, we hope they can look back with much fondness and love. xx

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