FabSwingers.com forum: eringg! Objectifying people based on ??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So having watched the comedy proms (thanks Tim Minchin and his song about reclaiming the word), is it really okay for swingers to objectify someone based purely on their colour?

I get loads of mail that starts with, 'I love redheads...'.

Now I love being a redhead- Ginger, or whatever you want to call it.

But I do Not want to be seen as an object.

A box to tick, (yeah had a Ginger last night) etc.

SO it defines how I look. It does not define who I am.

I am an individual, and should be treated as such.

What are your thoughts people please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree! I love that Tim Minchin song... Saw him live last year... But I digress....

I'm a small blonde woman and soo many people get in touch based on that or form opinions of me before I am even able to open my mouth...

I am so much more than the sum of my parts!!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I feel exactly the same Testie... ( grin ) about my age..

I also feel it when Steve- whoever he is ... sends me a drink in the pub.

First time I went over to him ......said Hey Hi thanks I owe you a drink.. he said ......nahhh I have this thing about blondes...

It really annoys me. He's sending a drink to my hair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel the same when getting mails saying about "big girls are fun" puts me of thinking maybe just a box to tick

Or "i want to try a BBW"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think some people are using your hair colour as a connection to say maybe they have read your profile.

End of the day everyone has their sexual "preferences" regardless of race, religion, hair colour, size etc.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I feel the same when getting mails saying about "big girls are fun" puts me of thinking maybe just a box to tick

Or "i want to try a BBW"

Exactly.

I get ' I'd love sex with an older woman'

Sometimes I ignore it , others I try explaining that im a person not a speciality act... they seem mystified.

I really do think that they assume all older women are pathetic lushes who do sex instruction.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

okay.... this is just me... i profess not to talk for others.. and some may think i am mad...

for being black happens to be part of what i am, but it isn't what defines me...

so for example... I would rather be seen as "a nice guy, who happens to be black" as opposed to "a black guy, who happens to be nice"

I do get the preference thing, and i would defend peoples right to that.... but if i do see a profile asking for a black guy.... or a black cock.... so in effect objectifying me, I do tend to run in the other direction and it does make me shudder...

but seeing how many other black guys play it up I wonder if i am more in the minority... for example the whole black/white party thing doesn't appeal to me because I see it as "objectifying" but heck if it works for others... cool...

the only thing is if people are going to play up stuff like that.. then for every action there will be a reaction... so i also hate the "chip on the shoulder" attitude some have as well.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i think some people are using your hair colour as a connection to say maybe they have read your profile.

End of the day everyone has their sexual "preferences" regardless of race, religion, hair colour, size etc."

So its okay then, just to accept it, because, (and this is a quote from a previous thread on the subject) 'its just their preference'?

Or to put it another way, its positive discrimination?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"okay.... this is just me... i profess not to talk for others.. and some may think i am mad...

for being black happens to be part of what i am, but it isn't what defines me...

so for example... I would rather be seen as "a nice guy, who happens to be black" as opposed to "a black guy, who happens to be nice"

the only thing is if people are going to play up stuff like that.. then for every action there will be a reaction... so i also hate the "chip on the shoulder" attitude some have as well....."

Yes Fabio, this came up earlier, and I went away and thought about it in relative terms to myself- hence the Ginger thread.

So is it me with a chip, then, is that what you are saying? Not sure I understand, sorry?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No he's agreeing with you I think.

I might let him speak for himself....... im not sure yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i think some people are using your hair colour as a connection to say maybe they have read your profile.

End of the day everyone has their sexual "preferences" regardless of race, religion, hair colour, size etc.

So its okay then, just to accept it, because, (and this is a quote from a previous thread on the subject) 'its just their preference'?

Or to put it another way, its positive discrimination?"

would you rather they messaged you because they dont like red heads?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people look at the cover first.. before reading the rest of the book..

just sayin'.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i think some people are using your hair colour as a connection to say maybe they have read your profile.

End of the day everyone has their sexual "preferences" regardless of race, religion, hair colour, size etc.

So its okay then, just to accept it, because, (and this is a quote from a previous thread on the subject) 'its just their preference'?

Or to put it another way, its positive discrimination?

would you rather they messaged you because they dont like red heads? "

No I would rather they treated me as a person, rather than a characteristic!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see peoples points when they don't wish to be classed as an object but it would be hypocritical of me to say I don't want anyone to think of me in that way as I do it to others.

I love Blackman Fan Club parties. I go specifically to gawp at and hopefully play with gorgeous black guys. There are white men who attend these parties, the OH's of the women that go, but I wouldn't even glance at a white guy there, apart from my OH, as its not what I've gone for.

In a way you could say it was wrong but the guys who attend are obviously happy to be the object of predominantly white womens fantasies and they are getting loads os sex, so everyone is happy as we are all getting what we want.

If there were blonde curly haired big breasted white women fan club parties, I'd put my name down as a regular.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the risk of being a tad hypocritical ... I *love* redheads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i think some people are using your hair colour as a connection to say maybe they have read your profile.

End of the day everyone has their sexual "preferences" regardless of race, religion, hair colour, size etc.

So its okay then, just to accept it, because, (and this is a quote from a previous thread on the subject) 'its just their preference'?

Or to put it another way, its positive discrimination?

would you rather they messaged you because they dont like red heads?

No I would rather they treated me as a person, rather than a characteristic!

its sex.. so look (preferences) comes first, before personality (of course personality will plays its part in securing the deal thou).

If they dont have particular preferences they may never get to know you as a person anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel the same when getting mails saying about "big girls are fun" puts me of thinking maybe just a box to tick

Or "i want to try a BBW"

Exactly.

I get ' I'd love sex with an older woman'

Sometimes I ignore it , others I try explaining that im a person not a speciality act... they seem mystified.

I really do think that they assume all older women are pathetic lushes who do sex instruction. "

agree.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can see peoples points when they don't wish to be classed as an object but it would be hypocritical of me to say I don't want anyone to think of me in that way as I do it to others.

If there were blonde curly haired big breasted white women fan club parties, I'd put my name down as a regular.

See thats just it- if the roles were reversed then wouldn't it be seen as exploitative, by the swinging community?

Is it just because the men are in the minority, as far as the power is concerned, that they go along with it?

That and the need to get laid?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel the same when getting mails saying about "big girls are fun" puts me of thinking maybe just a box to tick

Or "i want to try a BBW"

Exactly.

I get ' I'd love sex with an older woman'

Sometimes I ignore it , others I try explaining that im a person not a speciality act... they seem mystified.

I really do think that they assume all older women are pathetic lushes who do sex instruction.

agree."

Oh and I've been put in both of those categories in some messages too, and am equally underwhelmed!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

It is discrimination and offputting as it focusses on one trait of an overall person; I like being seen and approached as a whole person rather than a blonde or a 38DD or whatever....not just on fabs but also in life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I can't answer why the black guys who attend these parties go, but I would imagine that they get an intense thrill out of having women adore them.

At one of those parties the black guys are the top dogs, they are in effect what single women are perceived to be in swinging circles. Of course its not all black men who are allowed in. They are vetted and have to fit the criteria of youngish, toned bodied, professional, smartly dressed, good looking types to become a member. An elite system I guess. The guys preen and basically take their pick. They are the divas. Luckily for me these guys seem to like bigger, curvy, big boobed and ass women so its a mutual ego boasting thing.

Are these guys being exploited, using the colour of their skin to offer a service, maybe, quite possibly, but if they are then they don't appear to be that bothered about it and its their choice.

For the same token I don't mind being chosen to fulfil a desire rather than because someone wants to get to know me as a person, because they aren't really going to get to know me in a 3 hour meet are they. If I'm chosen cos of curly hair or big boobs so what, as long as we all have fun and I enjoy the company for those few hours, who gives a damn

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Yes Fabio, this came up earlier, and I went away and thought about it in relative terms to myself- hence the Ginger thread.

So is it me with a chip, then, is that what you are saying? Not sure I understand, sorry?"

i am agreeing with you...

it is just something that doesn't always sit comfortably with me..... hence why i don't for example goes to those types of parties...

maybe i am being really nieve but i would rather like me because of something that I can control.. over someone liking me for something I don't....

does that make a little more sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one wants to be objectified but hey we are only human and its natural to say something about a person if its one of the first things you notice on them, people comment on my curly hair and very blue eyes all the time, its a compliment at the end of the day so i dont see the problem. the way i see it is, aybe you guys like my hair and my eyes but believe me, if you get the chance to meet me, you will like a whole lot more

THE MRS x

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes Fabio, this came up earlier, and I went away and thought about it in relative terms to myself- hence the Ginger thread.

So is it me with a chip, then, is that what you are saying? Not sure I understand, sorry?

i am agreeing with you...

it is just something that doesn't always sit comfortably with me..... hence why i don't for example goes to those types of parties...

maybe i am being really nieve but i would rather like me because of something that I can control.. over someone liking me for something I don't....

does that make a little more sense? "

Yes thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel the same when getting mails saying about "big girls are fun" puts me of thinking maybe just a box to tick

Or "i want to try a BBW"

Exactly.

I get ' I'd love sex with an older woman'

Sometimes I ignore it , others I try explaining that im a person not a speciality act... they seem mystified.

I really do think that they assume all older women are pathetic lushes who do sex instruction.

agree.

Oh and I've been put in both of those categories in some messages too, and am equally underwhelmed!"

I know some are just trying a starting point, but instead come accross offensive

And yet others can make it sound like something is just a bonus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel the same when getting mails saying about "big girls are fun" puts me of thinking maybe just a box to tick

Or "i want to try a BBW"

Exactly.

I get ' I'd love sex with an older woman'

Sometimes I ignore it , others I try explaining that im a person not a speciality act... they seem mystified.

I really do think that they assume all older women are pathetic lushes who do sex instruction. "

Thats another one that gets me all the time

Teach me, hey just because i'm an older woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People assume in a dirty bitch coz im a Geordie, i dont dispute that one lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my professional life I would like to think that people value me as a person and for my hard working approach, my ideas, my abilities rather than being a woman with big boobs. And I believe I am valued as an employee because of my ability.

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

I'm a realist - I'm being messaged by guys because I've got big tits. They may like me, think I'm fun etc but essentially its about pleasure. Can anyone truly and honestly tell me they only choose people cos they enjoy their mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am what I am, I am my owns special creation….... and if anyone wants to use anything relating to my persona or appearance to pigeon hole me for whatever their particular needs is,,, that’s fine and dandy….. Because as long as I understand who I am………. That’s all that really matters too me…….

Oh…. Now did anyone notice I started and finished my ramblings with lines from songs!!!,,,,….

Hey, I may spout shyte,,, ,,,,,,,but ya can’t knock me for effort….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my professional life I would like to think that people value me as a person and for my hard working approach, my ideas, my abilities rather than being a woman with big boobs. And I believe I am valued as an employee because of my ability.

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

Agree I look at most messages to start with are just because i have a fanny and most will say anything if they think they will get them somewhere

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

I'm not saying there doesn't have to be any physical attraction ,but it is about more than just a characteristic/ stereotype, as such.

I am not naive enough to know that it is because I am female, that men message me, for example.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Basically this is a swingers site, not a dating site, people aint on here to like our intelligence or admire our inner qualities x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Basically this is a swingers site, not a dating site, people aint on here to like our intelligence or admire our inner qualities x"

I couldn't disagree more, but I respect your right to your opinion.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

Yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thankyou

But your profile....the very first word you have written is REDHEAD....so it is understandable if people comment on this first before finding out what a great person you are x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Basically this is a swingers site, not a dating site, people aint on here to like our intelligence or admire our inner qualities x"

that is true, it may not be the top of peoples lists, but it may be up there on whether people end up playing

so, playing devils advocate...at the other end of the scale would you play with for example a couple who thought no more of you that two "pieces of meat"

just curious of the answer...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thankyou

But your profile....the very first word you have written is REDHEAD....so it is understandable if people comment on this first before finding out what a great person you are x"

Finally you understand!

I Am Great and I just happen to be a Readhead!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we were after a last minute night of pure dirty sex i really wouldnt care as long as they respected us as people and were polite.

If we were looking for regular meets or social nights out then yes you have to be on a similar wavelength. We have made many good friends on here but i am being honest when i say that a guy with a good cock and good looks will come before the intelligent guy as long as we get on well and the sex is good, thats why we are here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha i didnt doubt that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, and with greatest respect to all, I struggle with the OP's position on the matter.

No one need know the OP is a redhead unless she says so (which, in fact, she does; in capital letters in the very first *word* of her profile). It would seem the OP's hair colour is important to her - why it shouldn't be important to anyone else is beyond me.

So, if I were looking to meet a redhead, for whatever reason, and tried to be as respectful as possible about it, e.g.:

"Hi, read through your profile and liked what I saw. Must admit I have a bit of a weakness for redheads...."

Is there anything to be offended about? It's certainly not the same as:

"Hi, i like gingers. Wanna f**k?"

I get messages from people looking for black men pretty regularly, which is fine. I've no problem with people wanting a particular physical characteristic. It's merely the way in which it's done that makes the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree.....

And if anyone wants a very pale, long dark curly haired, blue eyed girl then im ya one haha,

PS im a mental health nurse so i have brains too x

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I don't really care if im objectified on a site like this

I have lots of fabulous fun with people that I have also objectified as being my own objects of fantasy

I don't see anything wrong with that

I don't like to over analyse too much on here,it takes away the fun and thats what im here for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

Oh, indeed ....sex without a mind is mechanical...just positions...

Sex with a mind is something else entirely..

Some peoples minds are a complete turn off..some peoples minds are bewitching, entrancing....

The eyes have it ....

Love yer eyes gal....oops ...objectifying...my bad..

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

"
Actually that is a really good distinction between the big world out there and the bigger picture and the reason why people are on fabs. You are right in that people look at avatars, profiles, pictures and that they pick for a particualr trait/ look... It is probably a bit unrealistic to assume otherwise... so I am going back on what I said earlier... PS Dont tell my OH I backtracked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

Yes."

Ooo thats good then. You have the one with great minds, ill have the sexy, toned bodied, gorgeous hunks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

Yes.

Ooo thats good then. You have the one with great minds, ill have the sexy, toned bodied, gorgeous hunks

everybody must go on something and looks is were we start but after the first meet you should then meet again only if you like the person,they turn you on etc but to get there all we got is photo's and profiles and some of them are not gen so you can only base your opinion on what you see and read till you meet!!

then you can get past the issue of red head, bbw, black,skinny big tits etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no memory of wanting to fuck someone , just because they`ve big tits......I`m sure I did tho....

Probally when I went thru a spell of bad sex.....sleeping with people I had no rappour with...

The thing that strikes me....is people swing in different ways.....

Not everyone is the same ....the assumption that some of us don`t objectify is a misunderstanding of the different types of people in life..and the way ..some of us use the site..some of us our attracted by the mental side of sex....bdsm is a great example .....or someone who speaks French just as ....well you get the picture...

Each to their own etc...

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I have no memory of wanting to fuck someone , just because they`ve big tits......I`m sure I did tho....

Probally when I went thru a spell of bad sex.....sleeping with people I had no rappour with...

The thing that strikes me....is people swing in different ways.....

Each to their own etc..."
Hey, I have changed my mind once already on this thread.. now you come along ...and confused me all over again...!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no memory of wanting to fuck someone , just because they`ve big tits......I`m sure I did tho....

Probally when I went thru a spell of bad sex.....sleeping with people I had no rappour with...

The thing that strikes me....is people swing in different ways.....

Each to their own etc...Hey, I have changed my mind once already on this thread.. now you come along ...and confused me all over again...!!!!!

Couple of years ago....I spent a year,speaking to a avatar on a popular sex site...a plain anonymous avatar....like the silhouettes on here ...

We had a marriage of minds ...exploring humour, life..blah, blah...

Aluding only ocasionally to sex..

After a year, we met...she was stunning..a bit like Felicity Kendall, only she was an art teacher...who read Proust...that was a bonus...tehe...but we ended up being friends with etc....the sex was outrageously good.....even with the lights off..haha...

I`m fucking around, but the above is true.....we met thru , our minds....everything else flowed from there .....

Jeez..I`m on memory bliss tehe..

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I have no memory of wanting to fuck someone , just because they`ve big tits......I`m sure I did tho....

Probally when I went thru a spell of bad sex.....sleeping with people I had no rappour with...

The thing that strikes me....is people swing in different ways.....

Each to their own etc...Hey, I have changed my mind once already on this thread.. now you come along ...and confused me all over again...!!!!!

Couple of years ago....I spent a year,speaking to a avatar on a popular sex site...a plain anonymous avatar....like the silhouettes on here ...

We had a marriage of minds ...exploring humour, life..blah, blah...

Aluding only ocasionally to sex..

I`m fucking around, but the above is true.....we met thru , our minds....everything else flowed from there .....

Jeez..I`m on memory bliss tehe.."
wow and is it not just totally awesome when mind and body come together in harmony... Sounds like you had a very fulfilling (no pun) experience and a really lasting memory x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no memory of wanting to fuck someone , just because they`ve big tits......I`m sure I did tho....

Probally when I went thru a spell of bad sex.....sleeping with people I had no rappour with...

The thing that strikes me....is people swing in different ways.....

Each to their own etc..."

It is entirely correct and fine that people use a swinging site and choose people they want to play with based on their own preferences.

For me, if I wanted to find someone who was intellectual with a great mind and someone I really wanted to discuss the complexities of life with - a swinging site wouldnt be my first choice of where to find them.

Swinging for me is about adventure and as Im one half of a couple, its about the two of us exploring this naughty hobby together. I am not particularly searching for anything deep meaning. Thats not to say I will shag anything. I will choose guys that can communicate with me. If I am going to spend a few hours with them, then even for that short timescale, I do want to feel we are on a similar level. In a club its not so important, if we play in a jacuzzi, we dont really talk, so its based solely on attraction.

I wouldnt be so crass as to say people are pieces of meat for me, I always have a good swinger friends relationship with the guys I play with. I message them from time to time, we are friends/confidantes on here. I have guys who ask my advice on their pics, or recently a guy going to a fancy dress, helping with his outfit etc, so its not just animalistic. But I wouldnt ever bullshit anyone and pretend that I am a lifelong friend and I will explore deep and meaningful important lifelong issues with them, as in all honesty I wont.

So if one week I am looking for a hot black hunk they ill go and look for that. If the next week I want a small blond hunk, Ill go look for that. And by that account its totally ok for guys to chose me on those terms too. Both of us want to explore our fantasies and we will look for people to fulfil this, depending on what fantasy we are explore that week. And so that means I will objectify.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no memory of wanting to fuck someone , just because they`ve big tits......I`m sure I did tho....

Probally when I went thru a spell of bad sex.....sleeping with people I had no rappour with...

The thing that strikes me....is people swing in different ways.....

Each to their own etc...Hey, I have changed my mind once already on this thread.. now you come along ...and confused me all over again...!!!!!

Couple of years ago....I spent a year,speaking to a avatar on a popular sex site...a plain anonymous avatar....like the silhouettes on here ...

We had a marriage of minds ...exploring humour, life..blah, blah...

Aluding only ocasionally to sex..

I`m fucking around, but the above is true.....we met thru , our minds....everything else flowed from there .....

Jeez..I`m on memory bliss tehe..wow and is it not just totally awesome when mind and body come together in harmony... Sounds like you had a very fulfilling (no pun) experience and a really lasting memory x"

Thank you...yes it was something outside of the norm..

She had one other lover...I had several....we all met..shared some times...

Yes...fond..affectionette memories...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It also might be different in that im one half of a couple, so the meeting of minds and thereafter great sex which comes from deep meaningful understanding will happen with my OH, I dont look for it with a stranger

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

Yes.

Ooo thats good then. You have the one with great minds, ill have the sexy, toned bodied, gorgeous hunks

I don't hold any quality mutually exclusive of another.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

Yes.

Ooo thats good then. You have the one with great minds, ill have the sexy, toned bodied, gorgeous hunks

I don't hold any quality mutually exclusive of another. "

Are you saying Granny, a bloke can be intelligent AND have appropriate equipment AND a sense of humour?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no memory of wanting to fuck someone , just because they`ve big tits......I`m sure I did tho....

Probally when I went thru a spell of bad sex.....sleeping with people I had no rappour with...

The thing that strikes me....is people swing in different ways.....

Each to their own etc...

It is entirely correct and fine that people use a swinging site and choose people they want to play with based on their own preferences.

Good fer you Iconic....you swing in the way that pleases you...

However...mabye..you realise that some of us are attracted thru someones mind....and it doesn`t have to be as you put it " deep and meaningful"....just a soupscon of something that heightens the attraction ...personality...

Some might only " swing " twice a year...as suits them...and prefer something different..mabye they are looking for something above average..

We are not all the same...an important point..

A swinging site might not be where YOU would look.......some of us...still dangle a hopeful morsel into the tangled bush....as is our choice..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't hold any quality mutually exclusive of another. "

I never do in real life, I dont treat people like objects and I dont choose friends because of a certain exclusive quality they have.

But swinging I do. I dont give my whole self to a playmate. They have use of my body, and I use theirs.

I will choose a black guy because of his colour and he will choose me because of mine, its a mutual agreement. In real life I wouldnt be having a relationship with a gorgeous 30 year old black guy, I wouldnt be so bloody lucky. And he wouldnt want to be in a relationship with a 43 year old white, big boobed, fat ass woman either.

All hail the swinging parties that bring us together.

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

I have read most of the thread and it has been remarkably well behaved.. but then, it wasn't posted by a relatively new person or worse, a single male!

However no matter what any of you think, when someone looks at your profile they form an opinion! If you have a certain feature that stands out more than any other, that is what they will notice! They may not tell you, but they will most likely have thought it. That makes them as bad as anyone, but you will never know.

Surely, if you are that sensetive that you don't want to be "objectified"

then perhaps you should take your descriptions and pictures off your profiles so no one can work out or see what you look like!

This is all about attraction and preference! If someone finds red hair attractive, where is the harm? After all, it is only a starting point to get to know the real you... Walk into a room, look around at all the people... Now, tell me who you go to and WHY???

Primadonna's come to mind...

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

"However...mabye..you realise that some of us are attracted thru someones mind....and it doesn`t have to be as you put it " deep and meaningful"....just a soupscon of something that heightens the attraction ...personality"

But Dave... What makes you talk to them and find out if they have a great personality and mind? Something must attract you in the first place.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

But on Fab and in swinging I am not niave enough to think that I am being messaged because they like me as a person.

personality,sense of humour, counts above that for me and looks come a bit further down the list , just because someone is the stereotypical version of what is considered attractive in todays society, does not get her into my bed or me into hers tbh.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

But Dave... What makes you talk to them and find out if they have a great personality and mind? Something must attract you in the first place."

Was thinking, sometimes I read something in a profile kind of between the lines and I often find that initial vibe...proves true when I get to know them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But Dave... What makes you talk to them and find out if they have a great personality and mind? Something must attract you in the first place."

I tempted to say grunt..

But I generally talk to someone.. I rarely look at someones pics on here...until I know their personality interests me ...us..

I get where you`re coming from..

My wider point was to express that people have different ways of looking at things..

I pick up from time to time ....this is the way to swing on here....its arrogant and blinkered....

Am I yer stereotypical swinger...fuck knows....I let others do what they want...if they want blindfolding and fucked by strangers...go fer it ....

I don`t dig that anymore, old hat ter me...I like a mind, alongside everything else...there tis..

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 31/08/11 22:10:31]

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By *uicyfruit3Man
over a year ago

portsmouth

I think that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.

I'm black, and I know that there are some women/couples who like playing with black guys. It's difficult for single men to stand out from the crowd, so if you have a USP (unique selling point), then I think it's fair enough to use it, and I wouldn't and am not offended if someone wants to play with me, because of my colour.

However, there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. A message saying "Hi, I read your profile and you're exactly what we're looking for as we love black guys" is fine by me. A message that reads "WIFE NEEDS BLK COCK" gets deleted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i hate being labelled a d*unken slut...im much more than that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i hate being labelled a d*unken slut...im much more than that..."

Yer a good example of an attractive personality...some depth, unwittingly slips out

backs away...very slowly..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 31/08/11 22:50:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i hate being labelled a d*unken slut...im much more than that..."

Paddy who would ever think that about you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i hate being labelled a d*unken slut...im much more than that...

Yer a good example of an attractive personality...some depth, unwittingly slips out

backs away...very slowly.."

hiccups at a possible compliment lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i hate being labelled a d*unken slut...im much more than that...

Paddy who would ever think that about you

lol u sexy and sexy voiced angel hehehehe xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i hate being labelled a d*unken slut...im much more than that...

Yer a good example of an attractive personality...some depth, unwittingly slips out

backs away...very slowly..

hiccups at a possible compliment lol"

A Heineken moment chap...haha

It was indeed..

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