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Abusive Relationship's

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By *rouble1110 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cleveland

You hear a lot about women been in a violent and abusive relationship,just wondering how many of you men have been

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Quite a few I think. Men just rarely discuss it because they know many will see them as 'soft'!

Double standards are still very much alive and well in many areas - and sadly this is one of them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my besties was. He endured 8 years of mental and physical abuse from his wife, thankfully he’s out the other side now. He was so ashamed, it took him years to open up to someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. "

No, it's worse. Bruises heal, mental and psychological scars never go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *rouble1110 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cleveland


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. "

I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless "

The feeling of worthlessness is the worst. It's made me contemplate ending my own existence many times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Psychological abuse, punitive silent treatment and laughing about it to others I found out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless "

Me too, it’s brutal.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless "

Yep

The bruises fade. The bones mend.

But some scars will never heal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now"

It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One partner who enjoyed slapping me when I was sleeping or pulling my beard and slapping and kicking me when she couldn't have her way. Would use sleep deprivation tactics as well and would laugh about stalking me and killing me if I ever left her. Looney!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. "

Very much so, psychological damage often never goes away x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now

It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. "
but what i mean by this is say 30 years ago women were stay at home wives and men made the money and went out on the piss and did the cheating. And if the relationship was abusive physically the woman would be even more scared to step out of line. Im talking from experience and seeing my parents relationship. I think these days women know they do not have to suffer or put up with this shit so they simply walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now

It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. "
nice bum btw

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

Define abusive?

9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My brother is, he gets verbal and physical abuse from his wife, we’ve all told him what to do but at the end of the day, it’s up to him to make the right move and leave her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now

It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. but what i mean by this is say 30 years ago women were stay at home wives and men made the money and went out on the piss and did the cheating. And if the relationship was abusive physically the woman would be even more scared to step out of line. Im talking from experience and seeing my parents relationship. I think these days women know they do not have to suffer or put up with this shit so they simply walk away. "

You'd be surprised, not much has changed in 30 years

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

This is why you should only marry a woman you could beat in a fist fight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless

Yep

The bruises fade. The bones mend.

But some scars will never heal. "

The worst feeling ever, and even if you walk away the damage is done and follows you forever x

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin

Just 1 fortunately... 3yrs of mental /emotional /sexual / financial abuse that's enough for me.

He only hit me once... I spoke out straight away and he nearly got his balls ripped off by my "friend" lol didn't do it again

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Define abusive?

9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt? "

Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging.

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin


"Define abusive?

9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt?

Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging."

Yes... I went through some manipulation its horrible... just glad it's over I suppose

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Nah, never been in an abusive relationship. Never even had a shouting match with an ex. If a girl even hinted to me that I was worthless I'd move on and think no to someone else more about it.

Everyone is different. Some people a name can hurt as much as a punch. Some a slap more than any name or punch..

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Define abusive?

9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt?

Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging.

Yes... I went through some manipulation its horrible... just glad it's over I suppose "

Luckily for me my ex was too busy pretending to be perfect to ever do anything much.....his primary weapon was NOT doing anything, lol, passive aggression I think they would call it!

But when I hear the way some guy's ex's used to talk to them I am appalled.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Define abusive?

9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt?

Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging.

Yes... I went through some manipulation its horrible... just glad it's over I suppose "

It can be severely damaging.

1yr after separating it still continues, using our kids as leverage and psychological weapons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never been in a physically abusive relationship. But it took me a very long time to realise that my parenrs were emotionally and psychologically abusive and as a result that I viewed that behaviour as normal and had ended up in relationships (not all I hasten to add) which replicated that control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An ex of mine was mentally and verbally abused by his off and on now ex, and very manipulated by her too, she has a lot of symptoms of being a sociopath.

It all came to a head when she put up photos of him on Facebook dressed in women's underwear then mocked him via FB messenger, text and WhatsApp. He took her to court for harassment, she received a suspended sentence and an injunction meaning she couldn't contact him at all. Due to sexually assaulting a male police officer when she was pulled over for drink driving - receiving a five month suspended sentence, 20 month driving ban and seven years on the sexual offenders register - and being caught in possession during the suspended sentence she was lucky not to go to prison over the harassment.

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By *acko9568Man
over a year ago

saltburn

Had my mother in law mentally abuse me after wife died. Had 3 kids and in her view nothing was ever right. "Men don't know how to...,", " you don't do it that way...." . Constant belittling but never even recognised it was abuse till I woke up in a mental hospital after suffering a total breakdown.

Now well away from her and wiser so know that male abuse does go on and there isn't enough support out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Policewoman actually laughed at me when I was being stalked and were very unenthusiastic about taking action to stop my stalker. Men are discriminated against especially if they're above a certain height or have muscles. This is why there are practically ZERO support services for men like there are for women. You're alone!

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"One of my besties was. He endured 8 years of mental and physical abuse from his wife, thankfully he’s out the other side now. He was so ashamed, it took him years to open up to someone. "

That's so incredibly sad he wasn't able to be open to those closest to him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. "

if not more so - physical injuries heal - the mental scars affect your reactions for a long time and often never go away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My former FWB was in a mentally/verbally abusive marriage. Now they are divorced he's still getting the abuse. XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got a very close make friend in a relationship like this, he struggles to see it as abusive. I've tried to talk about it but I guess people have to realise this for themselves xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've known two relationships that I would consider to be very abusive. Neither were physically abusive, but they were emotionally and financially abusive. In both situations the man was the one taking the abuse. It taught me a lot about what can be wrong in a relationship. I think society needs to see this stuff more clearly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left an abusive relationship early this year. It was physical, verbal and monatary abuse.

Still is..... to a certain extent.

Can’t really say much because of ongoing law case and child involved.

Just to say it’s not good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've seen way too much of it unfortunately.

The worst part is the guys suffering the abuse don't release it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've seen way too much of it unfortunately.

The worst part is the guys suffering the abuse don't release it "

J0hnny is here for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can relate to the issue, nothing horrendous but it happens

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

Trouble is that as soon as the abusive relationship finishes the "victim" (can't think of a better word) promptly finds themself another abuser.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now

It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. but what i mean by this is say 30 years ago women were stay at home wives and men made the money and went out on the piss and did the cheating. And if the relationship was abusive physically the woman would be even more scared to step out of line. Im talking from experience and seeing my parents relationship. I think these days women know they do not have to suffer or put up with this shit so they simply walk away. "

Simply walk away?

If only it were simple

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

Very much so, psychological damage often never goes away x "

Absolutely and even after you have been out of the relationship for a few years, a few choice words from them can send you right back where you were, feeling as as worthless, belittled and unworthy as you did back then

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"You hear a lot about women been in a violent and abusive relationship,just wondering how many of you men have been "

Nop cos Ive Never had a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes. "

What made you stay with her for 8 years?

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. "

for years my late wife would keep me feeling worthless and kept saying when our daughter was old enough she was going to leave me.

just after our daughter was 13 the wife died of a brain cancer.

She did leave me but not in the way she expected,

karma works in strange ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

for years my late wife would keep me feeling worthless and kept saying when our daughter was old enough she was going to leave me.

just after our daughter was 13 the wife died of a brain cancer.

She did leave me but not in the way she expected,

karma works in strange ways "

I feel for your daughter

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging.

for years my late wife would keep me feeling worthless and kept saying when our daughter was old enough she was going to leave me.

just after our daughter was 13 the wife died of a brain cancer.

She did leave me but not in the way she expected,

karma works in strange ways

I feel for your daughter "

years later I found out that she was well aware of my situation, and the karma bit is a quote from what she said to me, and we are still very close even though she is married with 3 kids now

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question."

I had someone I couldn't take with me who I looked after. My husband refused to leave and I didn't want to make the house more unbearable for my children by arguing with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

I had someone I couldn't take with me who I looked after. My husband refused to leave and I didn't want to make the house more unbearable for my children by arguing with him. "

I wouldn't have left him for another man. I wasn't with him because I didn't want to be alone.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

I had someone I couldn't take with me who I looked after. My husband refused to leave and I didn't want to make the house more unbearable for my children by arguing with him.

I wouldn't have left him for another man. I wasn't with him because I didn't want to be alone. "

Ok.

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By *eral SexMan
over a year ago

Port Talbot

Its a much abused word, abuse. My ex considered me to be abusive of her, because she wanted a lifestyle that she was unable to achieve through her own efforts, and married me in order to acquire. When it turned out not what she wanted after all, or whenever any of her ruinous financial demands couldn't be met she told her family she was being abused.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question."

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you."

This and this is also the reason why "Why didn't you just leave" is such a ridiculous question

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you.

This and this is also the reason why "Why didn't you just leave" is such a ridiculous question"

I thought it was just in my head, that's what I was told to think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you.

This and this is also the reason why "Why didn't you just leave" is such a ridiculous question

I thought it was just in my head, that's what I was told to think."

It was my normal, didn't see a thing until I was out the other side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you."

And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Quite a few I think. Men just rarely discuss it because they know many will see them as 'soft'!

Double standards are still very much alive and well in many areas - and sadly this is one of them! "

great post x

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

I too can relate to that. Married for 24yrs but after had our daughter he changed. Mental bullying not physical. He never hit me but the verbal took it's till. Where what i tell you yo wear do ss i say. Once he took my bank cards and hid them and left me with money for a week as he was away out of country with work...i worked as well part time. 10 yrs ago I decided enough. One morning when he was leaving early for work and not back got 5 days I packed what I wanted from house and left best decision I left with our daughter...happy now and my daughter is a gorgeous girl at uni doing well. I know I made the right choice. If anybody is in that position dont bury head in sand like I did do something about it.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you.

And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x "

Yeah, I can't see anybody wanting me when I don't even like myself.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"I too can relate to that. Married for 24yrs but after had our daughter he changed. Mental bullying not physical. He never hit me but the verbal took it's till. Where what i tell you yo wear do ss i say. Once he took my bank cards and hid them and left me with money for a week as he was away out of country with work...i worked as well part time. 10 yrs ago I decided enough. One morning when he was leaving early for work and not back got 5 days I packed what I wanted from house and left best decision I left with our daughter...happy now and my daughter is a gorgeous girl at uni doing well. I know I made the right choice. If anybody is in that position dont bury head in sand like I did do something about it."

Leaving must have taken an incredible amount of strength.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x

Yeah, I can't see anybody wanting me when I don't even like myself."

But the right person will, they'll want you faults and all. I don't like myself especially my body but I know that I'm a lovable person. I look at it that the abuse I went through says more about the person that did it than me. And you're stronger than you think you've survived. X

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area


"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes. "

Your profile is very interesting ... like a psychological novel .

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few.

One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship.

Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour.

I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"

And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x

Yeah, I can't see anybody wanting me when I don't even like myself.

But the right person will, they'll want you faults and all. I don't like myself especially my body but I know that I'm a lovable person. I look at it that the abuse I went through says more about the person that did it than me. And you're stronger than you think you've survived. X "

You're stronger than you think. ironically that's exactly what my wife used to tell me, 3 months after she left me, after she'd broken me to the point I felt the only way I could stop her controlling me was to end my own life, I failed. I was played with like a string puppet, put down then picked up again. Hard to explain but she still finds ways of tormenting me and trying to manipulate me into talking to her.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few.

One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship.

Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour.

I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong

"

I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes.

What made you stay with her for 8 years?"
I didn't, once I learned that it was abuse and that I didn't have to put up with the shit I was out within months.

Because my abusive partner used tears and behaved like I would be devastating and decrypting her by leaving. Because it developed over that period, you learn as you go along and it accumulates over time little by little. Because as a man you don't want to give up or "fail" as you're taught to never walk out on a woman otherwise you're a selfish pig/dog who just wants to fuck other women and all the other dismissive misandrisms that abusive women repeat. You wake up one day and it's 8 years later. It's a complete mindfuck. What others don't get is that abusive relationships have good times as well, you don't realise it's abusive except in your gut and though you complain you believe you can fix it and men love to fix things. Overall, I loved her. Love and a sense of duty kept me there and she and her family exploited that.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few.

One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship.

Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour.

I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong

I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day."

Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire


"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes.

What made you stay with her for 8 years? I didn't, once I learned that it was abuse and that I didn't have to put up with the shit I was out within months.

Because my abusive partner used tears and behaved like I would be devastating and decrypting her by leaving. Because it developed over that period, you learn as you go along and it accumulates over time little by little. Because as a man you don't want to give up or "fail" as you're taught to never walk out on a woman otherwise you're a selfish pig/dog who just wants to fuck other women and all the other dismissive misandrisms that abusive women repeat. You wake up one day and it's 8 years later. It's a complete mindfuck. What others don't get is that abusive relationships have good times as well, you don't realise it's abusive except in your gut and though you complain you believe you can fix it and men love to fix things. Overall, I loved her. Love and a sense of duty kept me there and she and her family exploited that. "

Fully resonates with me, everything you have written. Never saw myself in an abusive relationship until I was out of it, still have great memories of Family meals, holidays and Christmas times together. I no longer love her but I don't hate her either

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few.

One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship.

Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour.

I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong

I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day.

Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her "

Stay strong, stay safe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/10/17 12:10:21]

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few.

One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship.

Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour.

I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong

I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day.

Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her

Stay strong, stay safe "

Thanks, actually found the writing his helping but in a much better place now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You hear a lot about women been in a violent and abusive relationship,just wondering how many of you men have been "

My husband was in an abusive relationship with his ex. She was physically, emotionally and finacially abusive to him for many years. Their child witnessed it too.

He has been with me for over ten years but still is in fear of her. He hated sorting out their separation, divorce, care of their child etc because of his fear of her.

His relationship with his child is difficult/akward at times because of how his ex behaved/behaves.

It's very difficult for men to get help with it anyway because of societies perceptions let alone the small amount of help out there.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few.

One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship.

Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour.

I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong

I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day.

Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her

Stay strong, stay safe

Thanks, actually found the writing his helping but in a much better place now "

That's good

It reminds me why I quit counselling, felt worse after talking. But sometimes you need to talk, no matter how painful it is, or don't want to talk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading this post makes me sad that another person can do this to anyone. I'd like to give you guys a big hug just to say that I understand completely what you've gone through and just because you're a man it doesn't lessen your experience any. I know it's a cliche but time does make it better and you're being the bigger person by not resorting to similar behaviour.

I think you're all so brave talking about it because society does seem more geared to a woman experiencing this. I hope that each one of you finds some peace in your life and are able to move forward to find some true happiness x

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By *lymanMan
over a year ago

PLYMOUTH


"Quite a few I think. Men just rarely discuss it because they know many will see them as 'soft'!

Double standards are still very much alive and well in many areas - and sadly this is one of them! "

Well said hopefully awareness will help put a stop to all abuse and give the victims the confidence to come forward knowing there is help

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


" because of his fear of her.

His relationship with his child is difficult/akward at times because of how his ex behaved/behaves.

It's very difficult for men to get help with it anyway because of societies perceptions let alone the small amount of help out there."

All very true.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Reading this post makes me sad that another person can do this to anyone. I'd like to give you guys a big hug just to say that I understand completely what you've gone through and just because you're a man it doesn't lessen your experience any. I know it's a cliche but time does make it better and you're being the bigger person by not resorting to similar behaviour.

I think you're all so brave talking about it because society does seem more geared to a woman experiencing this. I hope that each one of you finds some peace in your life and are able to move forward to find some true happiness x "

This broke me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading this post makes me sad that another person can do this to anyone. I'd like to give you guys a big hug just to say that I understand completely what you've gone through and just because you're a man it doesn't lessen your experience any. I know it's a cliche but time does make it better and you're being the bigger person by not resorting to similar behaviour.

I think you're all so brave talking about it because society does seem more geared to a woman experiencing this. I hope that each one of you finds some peace in your life and are able to move forward to find some true happiness x "

Love this post

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

My crossdressing helps and often hinders me, it gives me an outlet but (as I'm quite an honest Guy) makes a new relationship difficult.

The plus side is it does give me some peace and happiness but telling a new partner can be stressful and potentially heartbreaking, that's why I've taken a break from relationships and trying to find inner peace. I often really feel sorry for the 'regular' guys who don't have my (crossdressing) outlet for their softer sides to be expressed, becoming a different 'me' can help, create new friendships and a social life.

Also glad this hasn't turned into a slagging off session, my Wife is not a heartless cow but someone with her own demons that she has to deal with, going straight into a new relationship is going to be tough, I have found my new freedoms enlightening as well. She won't get that as currently in the honeymoon phase of a new life with someone else, just hope it won't impact my Children too much if things start to go downhill with him.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Reading this post makes me sad that another person can do this to anyone. I'd like to give you guys a big hug just to say that I understand completely what you've gone through and just because you're a man it doesn't lessen your experience any. I know it's a cliche but time does make it better and you're being the bigger person by not resorting to similar behaviour.

I think you're all so brave talking about it because society does seem more geared to a woman experiencing this. I hope that each one of you finds some peace in your life and are able to move forward to find some true happiness x

Love this post "

Make that two, and thanks for the hug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My crossdressing helps and often hinders me, it gives me an outlet but (as I'm quite an honest Guy) makes a new relationship difficult.

The plus side is it does give me some peace and happiness but telling a new partner can be stressful and potentially heartbreaking, that's why I've taken a break from relationships and trying to find inner peace. I often really feel sorry for the 'regular' guys who don't have my (crossdressing) outlet for their softer sides to be expressed, becoming a different 'me' can help, create new friendships and a social life.

Also glad this hasn't turned into a slagging off session, my Wife is not a heartless cow but someone with her own demons that she has to deal with, going straight into a new relationship is going to be tough, I have found my new freedoms enlightening as well. She won't get that as currently in the honeymoon phase of a new life with someone else, just hope it won't impact my Children too much if things start to go downhill with him. "

Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings so it's good that you've found your outlet.

And yes not slagging off the ex's involved is a good thing. Legally I can't discuss mine so not going to try. But it is the children I get most concerned about, they do witness it all and hope that it doesn't have a lasting effect on their future relationships, x

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"

Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings "

I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry.

I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings

I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry.

I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male."

Pfft I think you're more of a man to cry than not. It's not good to deny your feelings, and a good cry every now and again gives a release of the anger and frustration that builds up and makes you able to deal with the day.

You were just bought up believing the old view of how real men behave. Well real men do cry and do have feelings. X

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. "

Absolutely! Manipulation and mind games can be just as bad to endure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings

I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry.

I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male."

I’ve never seen my dad cry. It shocked me when my exes showed they were sensitive as I wasn’t used to it growing up.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"

Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings

I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry.

I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male.

Pfft I think you're more of a man to cry than not. It's not good to deny your feelings, and a good cry every now and again gives a release of the anger and frustration that builds up and makes you able to deal with the day.

You were just bought up believing the old view of how real men behave. Well real men do cry and do have feelings. X "

By the amount of tears this thread has produced from me, I am a Man!

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

This. This is why I come on these forums. Not to get laid, but to be in an environment I feel safe in, I couldn't have discussed any of this with 'real' friends or family, I don't have a social life at all, but i have opened up here, to complete strangers, who to me are friends and family. Such kind words of compassion expressed towards me both in this thread and private mail, have honestly overwhelmed me.

You're a bunch of bastards who reduced me to tears!

But you have my respect, and I thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This. This is why I come on these forums. Not to get laid, but to be in an environment I feel safe in, I couldn't have discussed any of this with 'real' friends or family, I don't have a social life at all, but i have opened up here, to complete strangers, who to me are friends and family. Such kind words of compassion expressed towards me both in this thread and private mail, have honestly overwhelmed me.

You're a bunch of bastards who reduced me to tears!

But you have my respect, and I thank you "

You're welcome. Anytime x

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you."

This sounds like she was a true Narcissist, particularly the gaslighting - they don't have relationships, they take prisoners!!

If anyone has been in an abusive relationship or suffered at the hands of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder I would really recommend reading a book by Marie-France Hirigoyen called "Stalking the Soul; Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity."

It might really help set you free.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Genuine question to the ladies.

If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ?

Serious question.

When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation.

When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you.

This sounds like she was a true Narcissist, particularly the gaslighting - they don't have relationships, they take prisoners!!

If anyone has been in an abusive relationship or suffered at the hands of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder I would really recommend reading a book by Marie-France Hirigoyen called "Stalking the Soul; Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity."

It might really help set you free. "

Thank you, I'll have a look for it.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"

Thank you, I'll have a look for it."

I just looked on amazon and there's some second hand ones for £3.50 odd if anyone is interested. Also came across this excellent review there:

"Many of us have experienced emotional abuse at some time or other in work, family or personal relationships without actually being aware that it was happening. Emotional abuse leaves you feeling down trodden, depressed, feeling guilty and sometimes even leaves you doubting your own sanity because the aggression is so subtle and devious that you can't pin point specific episodes and therefore cannot name it. All you know is that you feel awful and unhappy. The worst thing is, that because most people do not know that emotional abuse is a documented pathology which is generated by precise behaviour mechanisms that affects many, victims usually feel an incredible loneliness and believe that it is their fault if they find themselves in this situation. This leads to a state of acute emotional confusion and depression. Emotional abuse can effectively lead to a total erosion of a person's identity

Marie France Hirigoyen treats the three cases of abuse in the workplace in the family and in personal relationships in separate chapters in a style which is easy to read and avoids complicated psycho-jargon. She also includes transcripts of testimonies: of real people who have lived real situations. In her book, Marie-France Hirigoyen explains what emotional abuse is, the mechanisms between the victim and the aggressor and how to recognise it when it happens. More importantly, perhaps, readers who have suffered emotional abuse will realise that they are not guilty, that it is not because they are weak and useless that they find themselves in such a situation and that they were not imagining the constant, but subtle aggressions they suffered on a daily basis. Although Hirigoyen talks about how to get out of it abusive relationships and how to understand why they happen, the book does not provide a miracle solution for avoiding emotional abuse or getting over it. However, reading it is certainly a fist step towards understanding why it happens and can give readers the courage they need to finally put a stop to a painful and extremely dangerous relationships that can affect physical and mental health through the accumulated stress of having to deal with constant abuse.

For me, this book enormously helpful and perhaps the best part for me was the relief I felt at reading the testimonies of other victims who had lived exactly the same experiences as me. This helped me to understand that I was not alone, that I was not guilty and allowed me to finally feel the anger which many victims have so much trouble expressing. Coupled with specialised therapy for victims, this book gave me the will to start again and to define the boundaries of what I am ready to accept and not in relationships.

If you have ever felt that something in a relationship was not quite right, if you have ever lived a situation of cold looks, unsaid reproaches, insinuating accusations and confusing arguments where you are always made out to be in the wrong without having the possibility of explaining yourself, then it is probable that you have suffered emotional abuse. And reading this book could rpovide you with some of the answers you are looking for.

Be warned, however, this book is tough and can be emotionally trying as it brings to the surface feelings that you may have tried to avoid. I strongly suggest that more fragile readers consult a qualified therapist as well as read the book to get the support they will need.

I find myself recommending this book to many people, be they victims, aggressors or people who have been close to both. I am weary of saying things like "it has changed my life" but what I can certainly say is that it has given me a new perspective on the way I approach relationships."

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin

I'm glad that a lot of you feel you are able to talk about it on here. And hopefully in a small way that will help.

I'm glad I'm out of mine... even though it's been 4 years for me.. I know it changed me, changed the way that I am. But this is me now, if you don't like it then leave lol.

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

I too am in a better place now and not got the mental abuse,bullying or controlling I am who I am and happy

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"

Thank you, I'll have a look for it.

I just looked on amazon and there's some second hand ones for £3.50 odd if anyone is interested. Also came across this excellent review there:

"Many of us have experienced emotional abuse at some time or other in work, family or personal relationships without actually being aware that it was happening. Emotional abuse leaves you feeling down trodden, depressed, feeling guilty and sometimes even leaves you doubting your own sanity because the aggression is so subtle and devious that you can't pin point specific episodes and therefore cannot name it. All you know is that you feel awful and unhappy. The worst thing is, that because most people do not know that emotional abuse is a documented pathology which is generated by precise behaviour mechanisms that affects many, victims usually feel an incredible loneliness and believe that it is their fault if they find themselves in this situation. This leads to a state of acute emotional confusion and depression. Emotional abuse can effectively lead to a total erosion of a person's identity

Marie France Hirigoyen treats the three cases of abuse in the workplace in the family and in personal relationships in separate chapters in a style which is easy to read and avoids complicated psycho-jargon. She also includes transcripts of testimonies: of real people who have lived real situations. In her book, Marie-France Hirigoyen explains what emotional abuse is, the mechanisms between the victim and the aggressor and how to recognise it when it happens. More importantly, perhaps, readers who have suffered emotional abuse will realise that they are not guilty, that it is not because they are weak and useless that they find themselves in such a situation and that they were not imagining the constant, but subtle aggressions they suffered on a daily basis. Although Hirigoyen talks about how to get out of it abusive relationships and how to understand why they happen, the book does not provide a miracle solution for avoiding emotional abuse or getting over it. However, reading it is certainly a fist step towards understanding why it happens and can give readers the courage they need to finally put a stop to a painful and extremely dangerous relationships that can affect physical and mental health through the accumulated stress of having to deal with constant abuse.

For me, this book enormously helpful and perhaps the best part for me was the relief I felt at reading the testimonies of other victims who had lived exactly the same experiences as me. This helped me to understand that I was not alone, that I was not guilty and allowed me to finally feel the anger which many victims have so much trouble expressing. Coupled with specialised therapy for victims, this book gave me the will to start again and to define the boundaries of what I am ready to accept and not in relationships.

If you have ever felt that something in a relationship was not quite right, if you have ever lived a situation of cold looks, unsaid reproaches, insinuating accusations and confusing arguments where you are always made out to be in the wrong without having the possibility of explaining yourself, then it is probable that you have suffered emotional abuse. And reading this book could rpovide you with some of the answers you are looking for.

Be warned, however, this book is tough and can be emotionally trying as it brings to the surface feelings that you may have tried to avoid. I strongly suggest that more fragile readers consult a qualified therapist as well as read the book to get the support they will need.

I find myself recommending this book to many people, be they victims, aggressors or people who have been close to both. I am weary of saying things like "it has changed my life" but what I can certainly say is that it has given me a new perspective on the way I approach relationships.""

That ticked boxes I didn't know I had

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