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By *immymercury OP   Man
over a year ago

Dunstable

OK a guy I work with is transitioning. I really don't know what to say as I don't want to offend her. For years I have known her as "dave"(not real name) I can't help but say it and I really don't want to make her feel bad. I'm probably not making her feel bad, but I keep apologising constantly.

Any suggestions on how I can be more sensitive to the situation as I really don't want to lose her as a friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OK a guy I work with is transitioning. I really don't know what to say as I don't want to offend her. For years I have known her as "dave"(not real name) I can't help but say it and I really don't want to make her feel bad. I'm probably not making her feel bad, but I keep apologising constantly.

Any suggestions on how I can be more sensitive to the situation as I really don't want to lose her as a friend. "

How hard is it to call someone by a new name? Names change all the time.Miss Smith gets married and becomes Mrs Jones. Marathon became snickers , we all just got used to it.You already referred to your friend as 'her' so you've proved you can adapt to change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OK a guy I work with is transitioning. I really don't know what to say as I don't want to offend her. For years I have known her as "dave"(not real name) I can't help but say it and I really don't want to make her feel bad. I'm probably not making her feel bad, but I keep apologising constantly.

Any suggestions on how I can be more sensitive to the situation as I really don't want to lose her as a friend.

How hard is it to call someone by a new name? Names change all the time.Miss Smith gets married and becomes Mrs Jones. Marathon became snickers , we all just got used to it.You already referred to your friend as 'her' so you've proved you can adapt to change."

Speaking for yourself....I still call 50p 10 bob

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess some people find it harder than others to embrace change and, in fairness to the OP, a little of the onus is on the transitioning person.

If the first impression on seeing her is a guy named Dave but she wants you to immediately think of a lady named Davinia, then she may need to work on altering her appearance.

Still, it's not hard to deal with change.Yesterday, the day was called Saturday, today it's called Sunday, that changes every 24 hrs.We all deal with changes all the time.

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By *arciocialWoman
over a year ago

Leicester

Kids at school can find it difficult to start calling their teacher by her new surname and it's something to be expected when the person has been known as someone else for such a long time.

I'm sure she is understanding to the matter and how it will be harder for some to remember to call her by her new name. Does she dress as a female? I'd imagine if she did that would make it easier "Dave" isn't really a female name. A lot of trans persons understand it is difficult for people to adapt immediately to referring to them as the new gender and name.

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By *immymercury OP   Man
over a year ago

Dunstable

It's not intended to offend and yes I know things change all the time. I just don't want to put my foot in it for years I have known her as Dave and I don't want to make her uncomfortable by accidental name drops

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why even attempt to treat them as gender specific ....

Teat them as your friend ,,,,, that's more than enough

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"It's not intended to offend and yes I know things change all the time. I just don't want to put my foot in it for years I have known her as Dave and I don't want to make her uncomfortable by accidental name drops "

Not everyone is perfect OP. I'm sure your friend pre-emptied this happening or was advised during counselling. I'd also be surprised if you were the only one. Just try your hardest, I'm sure as time goes on and the transition becomes more obvious it will help. The main point is that you care and there is no malice on your part. That sentiment is far more important than a slip of a name occasionally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why even attempt to treat them as gender specific ....

Teat them as your friend ,,,,, that's more than enough "

Oop's I meant "treat them" not "teat them" because that might get you a slap

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"It's not intended to offend and yes I know things change all the time. I just don't want to put my foot in it for years I have known her as Dave and I don't want to make her uncomfortable by accidental name drops

Not everyone is perfect OP. I'm sure your friend pre-emptied this happening or was advised during counselling. I'd also be surprised if you were the only one. Just try your hardest, I'm sure as time goes on and the transition becomes more obvious it will help. The main point is that you care and there is no malice on your part. That sentiment is far more important than a slip of a name occasionally. "

I Wholeheartedly agree,you sound very supportive.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 25/09/17 11:01:46]

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Friends laugh, joke and take the piss out of each other.

I'd ask yourself if dave is a good a friend as you think if you'd lose your friendship over something as petty as this

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By *hips n FursMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield


"OK a guy I work with is transitioning. I really don't know what to say as I don't want to offend her. For years I have known her as "dave"(not real name) I can't help but say it and I really don't want to make her feel bad. I'm probably not making her feel bad, but I keep apologising constantly.

Any suggestions on how I can be more sensitive to the situation as I really don't want to lose her as a friend. "

I'm sure your friendship is far more important.

I know what you are saying...the pub down the road was called the Red Lion for as long as I can remember. 6 months ago the new owners changed the name....guess what...everybody still calls it the Red Lion.

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By *oopy097Man
over a year ago

east mids


"OK a guy I work with is transitioning. I really don't know what to say as I don't want to offend her. For years I have known her as "dave"(not real name) I can't help but say it and I really don't want to make her feel bad. I'm probably not making her feel bad, but I keep apologising constantly.

Any suggestions on how I can be more sensitive to the situation as I really don't want to lose her as a friend. "

Ok a friend of mine is trans (post op) for years i kept calling her dave... everytime i realized i just said sorry. She knows its a hard thing for people to get use to and accept. Aslong as its a genuine error i dont see how it can offend...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know about you but,personally,I care enough about my friends to at least try to get their names right.

I don't think it's that hard.

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

Leeds


"OK a guy I work with is transitioning. I really don't know what to say as I don't want to offend her. For years I have known her as "dave"(not real name) I can't help but say it and I really don't want to make her feel bad. I'm probably not making her feel bad, but I keep apologising constantly.

Any suggestions on how I can be more sensitive to the situation as I really don't want to lose her as a friend. "

Just be yourself as much as you can. Be as supportive as you can. Inside she is same person you always know just outside is going to change all she wants is support and understanding from them. Im sure if you tell her how you feel bit don’t want it to affect your friendship she will more than understand x

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By *witch4Fun24Couple
over a year ago

Leicester

She is going to expect a few slip ups from those who have known her for ages, when you do just apologise and move on

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By *immymercury OP   Man
over a year ago

Dunstable

Cheers everyone. I saw her today and had a chat. I said that I will still make some slip ups but it is not my intention to make her feel uncomfortable. She just laughed and said "shit happens". I think it helped clear the air between us as I was kinda trying to avoid the situation

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By *arteeneWoman
over a year ago

aylesbury

We all understand it is very difficult if you have known some one as one then name then they change there name and gender I came out at work in may and I have known some of my work colleagues for nearly 10 years and I told them that I totally understand that they will get it wrong you know he she her hin etc. It takes time and I am sure if you talk to her she will understand after all we are all only human and you know I even made a mistake once and signed my name using my male name it all takes time x

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