FabSwingers.com forum: How does a typical convo sound in your house?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Me; would you like to try it on then

Her; no. It'll make me look fat.

Me; it's not the dress.... smiles sweetly

Her; bitch!

Me; but it made you laugh.

Her; it's dispair. Points at face. This is my dispair look.

Me; why do you love me?

Her; fuck knows.

We laugh. We hug. She tickles me until I nearly wet myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me - Hey I'm home

Her - ...

Me - Whats for tea?

Her - ...

Me - I'll cook for a change then shall I?

Her - ...

Me - Fine, I hope you like shit with sugar you ignorant bitch

Her - ...

Me - Oh look, and the dishes and have not been washed AGAIN!

Her - ...

Me - Fine, I'll do them, I'll do the tea, you just sit on your arse and do nothing

Her - ...

Me - You know what? I've had enough, I'm packing my bags and I'm leaving, hope you can run the house by yourself. Good luck being alone you shit head

Her - ...

Me - You've said enough, I'm leaving

(There is no Her, I live alone

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Me - Hey I'm home

Her - ...

Me - Whats for tea?

Her - ...

Me - I'll cook for a change then shall I?

Her - ...

Me - Fine, I hope you like shit with sugar you ignorant bitch

Her - ...

Me - Oh look, and the dishes and have not been washed AGAIN!

Her - ...

Me - Fine, I'll do them, I'll do the tea, you just sit on your arse and do nothing

Her - ...

Me - You know what? I've had enough, I'm packing my bags and I'm leaving, hope you can run the house by yourself. Good luck being alone you shit head

Her - ...

Me - You've said enough, I'm leaving

(There is no Her, I live alone

Still doesn't excuse ignoring you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monday Tuesday crappy days, Wednesday Thursday crappy days.

Friday comes, for cycle bums

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Me - Hey I'm home

Her - ...

Me - Whats for tea?

Her - ...

Me - I'll cook for a change then shall I?

Her - ...

Me - Fine, I hope you like shit with sugar you ignorant bitch

Her - ...

Me - Oh look, and the dishes and have not been washed AGAIN!

Her - ...

Me - Fine, I'll do them, I'll do the tea, you just sit on your arse and do nothing

Her - ...

Me - You know what? I've had enough, I'm packing my bags and I'm leaving, hope you can run the house by yourself. Good luck being alone you shit head

Her - ...

Me - You've said enough, I'm leaving

(There is no Her, I live alone

)

Still doesn't excuse ignoring you

Well I've moved again now so hopefully she'll learn her lesson

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Him: Make me a drink

Me: Ok

Him: Have you washed my dark jeans?

Me: Yes, they're hanging on the rail.

Him: What's for dinner tonight?

Me: Lamb stew

Him: Have the dogs been fed?

Me: Yes.

Riveting conversation isn't it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

Cats, cats where are you? Oooo hello gorgeous puddys! Oh FFS get down! GET DOWN! Argh what the fuck why do you have to follow me around all the bloody time you do my head in! Just piss off and leave me alone

the joys of pet ownership!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me: Want your dinner

Them: Whimper, whine.

Me: Come on them

Them: Woods

Me: Get down or I can't open the tin

Them: Oofs!

Me: There you go.

Them: Noisy slurpy eating sounds.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cats, cats where are you? Oooo hello gorgeous puddys! Oh FFS get down! GET DOWN! Argh what the fuck why do you have to follow me around all the bloody time you do my head in! Just piss off and leave me alone

the joys of pet ownership!"

I must shout "Stop following me!" 100 times a day.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY

Me: Hello moggies!

Them : miaow x 4, lots of purring

Me: Do you want some dinner?

Them: start walking between my legs to try and trip me up, still purring and miaowing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Alarm clock,,,,,Bzzzzzzzz

Me.......Uuuuhhh.

Alarm clock,,,,,, Silent (because I just threw it at the wall).

Me.....Ah,ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wherve you been all day?

Wandering around with the dog

What do you want for you tea?

Oooo anything I'm ravished.

Steak and chips alright!

Oh go then

What time you going to the pub tonight?.

Soon as Corrie starts Chuck!

No wonder your wife left you.

Yea, stroke of luck that was.

Landlord,a pint of your finest ale

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

At the sound of a parcel hitting the floor;

Me; makes excited noises. Rips open package. Strips off in hall pulls on new dress. Twirls and swirls.

Me; what do you think?

Her; that I'm married to a weirdo

Me; bats eyes, but I'm your weirdo

Her; sighs, yes. You're my weirdo

Me; laughs. And you married me you idiot.

Her; sighs deeper, I sure did.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

Me: Oh you're so gorgeous, just look at your perfect little face and beautiful eyes. You smell so lovely, I just want to bury my face in your lovely soft tummy. Your feet are so pretty, your stripey tail is magnificent (etc, etc, etc)

Other household humans: If the house was on fire and you had to choose us or your favourite cat to save what would you do?

Me: You're big enough to look after yourselves

Them: We knew you'd say that

Me: When it's my birthday I want that t-shirt which says 'I would push you in front of zombies to save my cats' ...

Them: We know where we stand in the pecking order

Me: Anyway, where was I .... oh you're so gorgeous, just look at your perfect little face ..... (ad infinitum)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entileschiWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

Is there any ham left?

No.

Who ate it all this time?!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me morning dog

him woof woof

me morning girl dog

her woof woof woof woof wags tail licks face

me beach?

Them woof woof woof woof howl dance...

Apparently it means come on then ...and where's my biscuits

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me -What you want for tea

Him -don't mind. Whatever

(Shuffles through cupboards)

Him - haha

Me - what

Oh that's my queue to go and look at some boring pointless shite on YouTube while I'm thinking about the eleventy million things I need to do.

Me - do you want peas with your tea?

Him - whatever you want to do.

Zones out while he talks about shite I'm not sure about because I'm not listening, couldn't give a monkeys fuck tbh.

Me - is your tea nice?

Him - yeah

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me- let's get ready for school/ work/ going to the park etc

Him- shout shout shout... can't find this, it's too hot,

Me- let's just chill and calm down, the kids are ready

Him- I am so angry, I can't find.....

Me- kids get in the car while I help your dad....

I fucking kid you not- I have an extra child I didn't birth

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread