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"No! She was cold and cruel but she made my sisters and I the women we are today: not sure if that's a good thing though. " snap ..... and she would hit me .... up untill 5 years ago then i stop her ... she never did think i would stand up to her i did and its stopped . She been drinking alot from when i was a little girl and just would get out of control . I dont have a normal mum she can go off into one at all times ... | |||
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"We lost my Mom 10yrs ago, just 18months after my Dad, and there hasn't been a day that's past since without me thinking about them. I suppose we were lucky to have enjoyed totally unconditional love, so want to give the same to our boys. We never had a lot of materialistic things as we were growing up, but we had everything we needed." Much the same as us really but everyone has their own circumstances and parents and kids their own personalities. We each have to make the most of life. | |||
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"I hate post like this. I hate the niavity that expects parents should be put on a pedestal. My mom, well on a plus point she's not as bad as my dad. They have no idea where I live or what I am upto and it suits me fine. Talk me way to long to cut them and their selfish bullying shite out of my life." Ditto. Cold abusive mother, philandering and emotionally stunted father. I shall give thanks for my older sister instead who basically brought me and my younger sister up so we didn't hate everybody. | |||
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"I feel so saddened for all those who didn't know a mothers love, the one person that you think would give it unconditionally to a child. I feel even more blessed now to still have mine in my life. xxx" I never saw my Mother love and the only solace I have is that she may not be on the planet much longer (I'd kill her myself if I could get away with it) What it has done though is make me appreciate my own Daughter, and give her all the love and support my Mother didn't give me. | |||
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"I feel so saddened for all those who didn't know a mothers love, the one person that you think would give it unconditionally to a child. I feel even more blessed now to still have mine in my life. xxx I never saw my Mother love and the only solace I have is that she may not be on the planet much longer (I'd kill her myself if I could get away with it) What it has done though is make me appreciate my own Daughter, and give her all the love and support my Mother didn't give me." So in a strange way your mother has influenced the way you feel for your daughter? Just keep filling her little heart with love and care. xx | |||
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"What it has done though is make me appreciate my own Daughter, and give her all the love and support my Mother didn't give me." Me and my sisters swore we would never lay a finger on our kids so I guess there was that benefit. And I adore my daughter unconditionally (luckily - she costs me a blimmin' fortune ) | |||
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"What it has done though is make me appreciate my own Daughter, and give her all the love and support my Mother didn't give me." yeah i always feel like that too, i was determined my children would never have the life i had as a child Tho i think i went a bit over board and they got a way with to much | |||
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"I feel so saddened for all those who didn't know a mothers love, the one person that you think would give it unconditionally to a child. I feel even more blessed now to still have mine in my life. xxx I never saw my Mother love and the only solace I have is that she may not be on the planet much longer (I'd kill her myself if I could get away with it) What it has done though is make me appreciate my own Daughter, and give her all the love and support my Mother didn't give me. So in a strange way your mother has influenced the way you feel for your daughter? Just keep filling her little heart with love and care. xx" Yes I have learned from her mistakes but judging by the amount of kids with kids I saw today I'm in a bit of a minority. | |||
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"My dear old mum is now 85 and Dad is 87. The things my mother sacrificed for us kids when we had absolutely no money... She loved us unconditionally and completely. She took jobs that no one else wanted just to keep food on the table and suffered greatly for that choice. When I read some of the posts above, about how some would even like to rid the world on their own mum It saddens me greatly. My mum has dementia now and sometimes doesn’t realise who we are. I pray every day that some miracle will happen and this nasty disease will recede… But on the bright side.. She doesn’t know what is happening to her, she is just in a world of her own, it is us who suffer the loss. I just hope that those of you who have stated their hate, indifference or dislike for your mothers can forgive them one day so you let go of those feeling forever xxxx " totally understand _umour, but I'am afreai that its not as black and white as that...there is a time when some have to think about what they are doing or have done and change that...in my case she never has, as we all have an individual story to tell its just not that easy to forgive, but it is easy to forget am afraid... all mine is to me is a biological carrier of me and a vague hint of what a mother should be...thankfully i wont carry out the same behaviour and actions as she has | |||
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"Jane.. Like us, you are obviously a product of a loving home. Looking at other posts, we should be (are) thankful. Raise... I do feel for anyone who feels that way, especially about their mum! But I wasn't there and you obviously have deep feelings that are not going away. Perhaps one day you will be able to truly let them go. No matter what upbringing you had, judging by your posts you aint turned out too bad, so perhaps she did some good.." Thanx _umour, id more commend my dad who left the army (awol) to bring up his two mix race kids in a time when it wasnt at all common in glasgow...his input and the rest of the family i believe have done more...9mths carrying a child yes i say makes a bond, a few early years for a developing child is great...but when we become a little bit older, i dont think being self aware of a mothers lack of care/love is a good thing.plenty chances to change that, im still open to it...but wont simply because she 'is' my mother-she has to earn that back (not done a great job with her 5 grandchildren either). | |||
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" And I adore my daughter unconditionally (luckily - she costs me a blimmin' fortune )" yep a blimmin fortune,and then some. i come from a big family,6 boys,1 girl. my mum gave us everything,with never a thought for herself. this thread has reminded me,how lucky we are. | |||
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"Whilst they walk this earth.. If you have issues with them, try whilst they are here... I had a zero relationship with my dad, lived in the States when he died, I chose not to come home to see him before he left us... Sometimes I think 'I wish I had tried a little harder'." My mother has moved up to York and I see her every week or 2 and she is still emotionally manipulative and verbally abusive. Yeah, I have forgiven. She is 69, she won't change now. But I'll never forget the beatings we were given for the tiniest little thing. Don't see why I should. | |||
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"Nobody can replace her. Nobody should replace her. Nobody can do half the things she does or has done for you. Nobody can love you more than she does. Nobody can compare to her. She’s only one person, but she’s the person that matters the most. Do YOU LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOUR MUM. Even if she's in the sky watching over you..LOVE YOU MUM?" That's the way it should be but evidently it wasn't like that for everyone. Glad both mine were and my Mum still is wonderful even tho she has dementure. Feel sadness for all those who miss/ed out on that love. | |||
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"Surely if you tell your mum to not smoke in the house, but to go outside to smoke when you are there, it will be ok to visit her." not that simple, her house her rules, she wont do that, she once fed my sisters baby with a fag in her mouth and most of the smoke was being blown towards the baby, needless to say my sister didnt taker her round again till she was about 5 years old | |||
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"I'm the 3rd part of a 5th generation thats still going. I love my mum dearly even though i think sometimes why the hell does she do that?! I dread the day when she wont be on the other end of the phone to moan too and tell her i love her. I see the hurt in her eyes when she comes back from seeing her mum and wait for the bit where she says she dosnt know me anymore.... On the other hand i might just murder her poodle in a minute if it dosnt stop whineing cos its missing her ( shes just taken a load of stuff down the tip for me lol)" What a normal level headed post xx love it .. Don't murder the poodle. Furjazzle it for her while she's out. She'll thank you for it xxxx | |||
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"Question : to the mother loathers.... What life did your mothers have ? As children? As adults? How far back do you want to extend the blame ? Very interesting topic. I'm not denying people their feelings or questioning their truths. There is one hell of a lot more to any individual than parenting skills, which are learned rather than innate in any case. " My mother has told me she was smacked, but I don't know to what extent. However, for those of you who think abuse is a cycle, I have never laid a finger on my daughter. If the armchair psychologists think it is a foregone conclusion that people who were abused have to abuse others, then how does that explain me? | |||
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"well this topic opened up a can of worms...!!!!" Yep ...... | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums " I can be a bit shit at the family tree thing so help me out Your daughters crak smoking heroine using asshole of a mother ....... is your ex partner ? Yes | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums " That is very sad. | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums I can be a bit shit at the family tree thing so help me out Your daughters crak smoking heroine using asshole of a mother ....... is your ex partner ? Yes " uhhh... yes ! | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums That is very sad. " very sad | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums I can be a bit shit at the family tree thing so help me out Your daughters crak smoking heroine using asshole of a mother ....... is your ex partner ? Yes uhhh... yes !" So no chance of reconciling? | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums I can be a bit shit at the family tree thing so help me out Your daughters crak smoking heroine using asshole of a mother ....... is your ex partner ? Yes uhhh... yes ! So no chance of reconciling? " reconciliation is not an option with my kids mum ! she's an asshole who cares only for her self ! | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums I can be a bit shit at the family tree thing so help me out Your daughters crak smoking heroine using asshole of a mother ....... is your ex partner ? Yes uhhh... yes ! So no chance of reconciling? reconciliation is not an option with my kids mum ! she's an asshole who cares only for her self !" Totally understand yer feelings to someone in addiction.... She is ill tho.. mabye the future will bring blessings for you all.. | |||
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"well this topic opened up a can of worms...!!!! Yep ...... " Certainly has, but I see that as a good thing. Nothing more difficult that talking about subjects like this for some. Perhaps and I hope that posting has at least a small theraputic effect for some xxx | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums I can be a bit shit at the family tree thing so help me out Your daughters crak smoking heroine using asshole of a mother ....... is your ex partner ? Yes uhhh... yes ! So no chance of reconciling? reconciliation is not an option with my kids mum ! she's an asshole who cares only for her self ! Totally understand yer feelings to someone in addiction.... She is ill tho.. mabye the future will bring blessings for you all.." nothing would make me happier than that ! my baby lovesher mum, and i do care very much for her, but for now she is on her own path | |||
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"My mum died at the young age of 52, miss her everyday and cry often ! My daughters mum is a crack smoking, heroine using asshole ! you get good and bad mums I can be a bit shit at the family tree thing so help me out Your daughters crak smoking heroine using asshole of a mother ....... is your ex partner ? Yes uhhh... yes ! So no chance of reconciling? reconciliation is not an option with my kids mum ! she's an asshole who cares only for her self ! Totally understand yer feelings to someone in addiction.... She is ill tho.. mabye the future will bring blessings for you all.. nothing would make me happier than that ! my baby lovesher mum, and i do care very much for her, but for now she is on her own path " Its an enormously difficult thing to have to cope with..I do understand.. So many conflicting emotions and thoughts..sanity can be hard to find in the midst of all that.. I truly hope and pray, that your family comes together, if not, that you find your peace.. | |||
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"as they say you choose your friends ,you dont choose family . i dont loath my mother that would require feelings and effort. i have total indifference to her .she just happened to give birth to me thats all. im afraid any idiots can have children. takes sooooo much more to raise,guide ,protect,love,support and teach a child . all of that hard work was done by my dad . as for her upbringing, not easy but no diferent to her bothers and sisters ,and they are loving parents .people are too quick to blame their childhood for the mistakes they choose to make .you can either keep on a path you know is doomed or you use as incentive to better yourself DISPITE of it! my own childhood wasnt fantastic either but im a damn good mother ! yes i have and will make mistakes but my daughter will never be in any doubt that shes loved unconditionally and will have me there for her till i take my last breath . " Absolutely right, I love my kids unconditionally and they know that, my mother on the other hand is all about conditional love and what's in it for her | |||
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"as they say you choose your friends ,you dont choose family . i dont loath my mother that would require feelings and effort. i have total indifference to her .she just happened to give birth to me thats all. im afraid any idiots can have children. takes sooooo much more to raise,guide ,protect,love,support and teach a child . all of that hard work was done by my dad . as for her upbringing, not easy but no diferent to her bothers and sisters ,and they are loving parents .people are too quick to blame their childhood for the mistakes they choose to make .you can either keep on a path you know is doomed or you use as incentive to better yourself DISPITE of it! my own childhood wasnt fantastic either but im a damn good mother ! yes i have and will make mistakes but my daughter will never be in any doubt that shes loved unconditionally and will have me there for her till i take my last breath . " Excellent point. My uncle, my mother's brother died aged 93 in April. He died surrounded by eight kids, 22 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren. The church was packed. My sister and I went. You could feel the love. When I think of my Uncle Peter I smile. He was a lovely, happy man, raised by the same parents as my mother. You can't always blame upbringing. Not every child raised by a single mum on a housing estate is a no hoper etc, luck of the draw I guess. | |||
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