FabSwingers.com forum: Communication on Fab

By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

I read so frequently about what can only be described about miscommunication surrounding ppls expectations with those they meet. I often wonder how this happens, personally I've always made it clear with ppl I've met what my needs are. I like to be honest and then that way I was less likely to be disappointed. For example shag and go was never what I wanted. I wanted intimacy and affection, a friendship with feelings but no strings attached.

Is honesty the issue surrounding poor communication?

Why isn't everyone honest?

What's the fear?

Surely we all want different things and therefore by expressing that we meet ppl that want the same?

Do you think that no one would meet you if they fully understood what you want?

Do you adapt to accommodate another person's needs or only meet those who fit your requirements perfectly? (I'm not talking physical attributes here)

Do you think maybe the Fab profile tick boxes could include additional things that would make your searches easier?

If you don't do one offs, do you build a foundation of trust where you can talk openly and express how you feel without fear of saying too much?

Do you think you're just on the wrong site for your needs?

I'm trying to understand why it seems to go so wrong so frequently, leaving ppl upset and disappointed. That's sad and I'm sure better communication could prevent some of this

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By *j48Man
over a year ago

Wigan

It's always best to be honest and communicate what you and the other person/people want, expect etc

If they can't talk to me I don't meet them.

Being on a similar wavelength adds to the buzz

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"It's always best to be honest and communicate what you and the other person/people want, expect etc

If they can't talk to me I don't meet them.

Being on a similar wavelength adds to the buzz "

You don't have problems with discovering things that the person you meet wants and hasn't disclosed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have tried to articulate in my profile what I'm about. However a converstaion about wants and needs really helps to determine compatibility.

I think a few of us are fairly flexible and what works with one person may be a no go with someone else. Communication is difficult with the convenience of our always on, always connected, instant gratification lifestyles we all lead.

People can lose the interest in an investment of a potential playmate and may just move to an easier target if you appear to be hard work. I'm bloody hard work and my verifications are testament to that!

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

It's not just 'Fab honest',

Dishonesty of some degree occurs whenever somebody gets behind a keyboard. Unfortunately this is how society has become.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I have tried to articulate in my profile what I'm about. However a converstaion about wants and needs really helps to determine compatibility.

What makes you think you're hard work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often wonder this too. I find that chameleon behaviour is rife. Some (not all) will be whatever you want them to be.

However I've recently been talking to a very nice man who lives abroad but works in the UK. He was upfront and honest about what he wants, I like that. Luckily we want the same.

Much nicer than the prick who messaged me saying he owned FAB, had a aeroplane and owned a Scottish island. Reckoned he paid his staff 60k a year.

I told him to behave and stop knocking one out while sat in his paddling pool at the back of his council house.

Quite creepy really. He reckoned he could look into members private messages. I did not like it. Promptly reported.

Not sure what unnerved me more, him thinking that was ok or women actually falling for that?

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"It's not just 'Fab honest',

Dishonesty of some degree occurs whenever somebody gets behind a keyboard. Unfortunately this is how society has become."

You think everyone online is dishonest?

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

Communication... isn't that the area that causes the greatest angst in most areas of life?

I think honesty is best. If you know what you want, say it. I like clear communication because I get very flustered when I don't know where I stand. I find it confusing and stressful. Just say it as it is, then I will deal with whatever it is. That applies to every aspect of my life.

On Fab I feel that sometimes it is as simple as different perspectives and understanding of each other's expectations rather than a deliberate act to mislead or confuse.

I think I'm honest about what I'm looking for and what I don't want. Overall I would say it's gone well.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"It's not just 'Fab honest',

Dishonesty of some degree occurs whenever somebody gets behind a keyboard. Unfortunately this is how society has become."

Yes, sadly this is the case. I try to be authentic, I get a real cognitive dissonance if I, or the people close to me, are anything else, and it really stresses me.

I can tell pretty quickly if people are on the same page as me and I am usually pretty clear in saying a firm no as soon as I realise. I think a lot of people keep folk hanging around in limbo because they like the attention too.

I think I miss out that way sometimes - our feelings can change when we get to know someone, but few are willing to invest that time on a maybe, and that is their free choice.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I often wonder this too. I find that chameleon behaviour is rife. Some (not all) will be whatever you want them to be.

However I've recently been talking to a very nice man who lives abroad but works in the UK. He was upfront and honest about what he wants, I like that. Luckily we want the same.

Much nicer than the prick who messaged me saying he owned FAB, had a aeroplane and owned a Scottish island. Reckoned he paid his staff 60k a year.

I told him to behave and stop knocking one out while sat in his paddling pool at the back of his council house.

Quite creepy really. He reckoned he could look into members private messages. I did not like it. Promptly reported.

Not sure what unnerved me more, him thinking that was ok or women actually falling for that?

Sorry that made me chuckle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always made it clear what I'm looking for but, no matter what I've tried, it just doesn't work out the way I have planned.

I have struggled to "keep" the best guys I have met as friends as they have either moved away, got a girlfriend, found a younger model, left the site or are rarely free. I seem to get to 3 meets with a guy and that's it, I'm surplus to requirements

I've been thinking of leaving for a while now as, although I've met some fantastic people, it's not working for me as I want and I don't know how to change it. I've actually got it in my head that I'm a shit lover, a shit friend and I either accept "one off" shags or I leave. Or I remain just for The Forums and social side.

Guys think it's tricky for them but it's not all plain selling for girls too! And I'm a very honest person and don't have more demands than a hostage taker.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"Communication... isn't that the area that causes the greatest angst in most areas of life?

On Fab I feel that sometimes it is as simple as different perspectives and understanding of each other's expectations rather than a deliberate act to mislead or confuse.

I think I'm honest about what I'm looking for and what I don't want. Overall I would say it's gone well. "

You're an excellent communicator my lovely. I definitely understand about things becoming stressful and confusing. All avoidable if we make the effort

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have tried to articulate in my profile what I'm about. However a converstaion about wants and needs really helps to determine compatibility.

What makes you think you're hard work? "

I think I give very little away in my profile despite the amount of detail in there, and possibly by being vague about my wants and needs, may appear to be spread betting.

I also rarely meet, which works for me, may not work for others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously."

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"It's not just 'Fab honest',

Dishonesty of some degree occurs whenever somebody gets behind a keyboard. Unfortunately this is how society has become.

Yes, sadly this is the case. I try to be authentic, I get a real cognitive dissonance if I, or the people close to me, are anything else, and it really stresses me.

I think I miss out that way sometimes - our feelings can change when we get to know someone, but few are willing to invest that time on a maybe, and that is their free choice."

I agree with the whole limbo thing, I've seen how distructive this can be. Why do they do this? Is it an attention thing? Are they fantasists? It baffles me.

The investing time is a difficult one as I think ppl worry about feelings getting in the way. Not everyone is here for that or conversation. It's unfortunate because a stronger connection means better sex in my opinion

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I've always made it clear what I'm looking for but, no matter what I've tried, it just doesn't work out the way I have planned.

Guys think it's tricky for them but it's not all plain selling for girls too! And I'm a very honest person and don't have more demands than a hostage taker. "

What is it you want? Have you asked the guys that don't want to meet again why? It's probably more about them than you

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously."

What do you mean by seriously?

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I have tried to articulate in my profile what I'm about. However a converstaion about wants and needs really helps to determine compatibility.

What makes you think you're hard work?

I think I give very little away in my profile despite the amount of detail in there, and possibly by being vague about my wants and needs, may appear to be spread betting.

I also rarely meet, which works for me, may not work for others."

Why not change your profile? Be more specific, explain you don't want to meet frequently. I can't imagine you are alone in this

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

Put your tea down and explain yourself

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I agree with the whole limbo thing, I've seen how distructive this can be. Why do they do this? Is it an attention thing? Are they fantasists? It baffles me.

Yes, mine too, very much so - sex is a lot about emotional expression to me.. I'm sure a lot of people do worry about feelings - I am open either way, they will either occur or they won't lol!

Some people will keep folk in limbo to avoid being responsible for rejection, but a lot will do it simply for the sustained attention. I'm the opposite really - I can't see the point if it's never going to come to more, unless you have some particular point of reference for instance, I have made a couple of horsey friends on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read so frequently about what can only be described about miscommunication surrounding ppls expectations with those they meet. I often wonder how this happens, personally I've always made it clear with ppl I've met what my needs are. I like to be honest and then that way I was less likely to be disappointed. For example shag and go was never what I wanted. I wanted intimacy and affection, a friendship with feelings but no strings attached.

Is honesty the issue surrounding poor communication?

Why isn't everyone honest?

What's the fear?

Surely we all want different things and therefore by expressing that we meet ppl that want the same?

Do you think that no one would meet you if they fully understood what you want?

Do you adapt to accommodate another person's needs or only meet those who fit your requirements perfectly? (I'm not talking physical attributes here)

Do you think maybe the Fab profile tick boxes could include additional things that would make your searches easier?

If you don't do one offs, do you build a foundation of trust where you can talk openly and express how you feel without fear of saying too much?

Do you think you're just on the wrong site for your needs?

I'm trying to understand why it seems to go so wrong so frequently, leaving ppl upset and disappointed. That's sad and I'm sure better communication could prevent some of this

Little unsure and slightly suspicious of your thread to be honest! Why are you personally trying to understand why it goes wrong so frequently, are you hoping rectify everybody's problems on Fab or training to be a modulator?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes sometimes communication can be difficult, we have no trouble saying what we want but then it gets to arranging the meet and the difficulties start. We're limited to daytime and also because of family and work commitments that adds more difficulties on. Some people lose interest I understand that but we do say we can't meet without good notice. X

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

We are always quite clear on what we like and boundaries. We had a couple who were trying to pressurise us into separate rooms, not gonna happen! Fortunately it only got as far as a telephone conversation, so no time wasted. Can't see the advantage in trying to change people! No, we never change those boundaries for anyone

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By *j48Man
over a year ago

Wigan

"It's always best to be honest and communicate what you and the other person/people want, expect etc

If they can't talk to me I don't meet them.

Being on a similar wavelength adds to the buzz

You don't have problems with discovering things that the person you meet wants and hasn't disclosed?"

I haven't been caught on the hop as of yet..

It's easy to say no isn't it?

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

I agree with the whole limbo thing, I've seen how distructive this can be. Why do they do this? Is it an attention thing? Are they fantasists? It baffles me.

Yes, mine too, very much so - sex is a lot about emotional expression to me.. I'm sure a lot of people do worry about feelings - I am open either way, they will either occur or they won't lol!

Now I like that I know it's a swinging site but I've made friends, both male and female. It's lovely just meeting up for a chat and a hug

Some ppl find it hard to reject ppl and don't want to upset anyone. I understand that but it's cruel to give false hope however difficult a person finds it to say no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

Put your tea down and explain yourself

Put my tea down? Do you know who I am?

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

Put your tea down and explain yourself

Put my tea down? Do you know who I am?

See, that was clear communication on both sides but the end result was not achieved

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

So many questions! Honestly, maybe I've just been really lucky but apart from two meh meets, what I've wanted I've always got. I think sometimes people can over think things and make it more of a 'thing' than it actually is.

If you want to something in particular, say. If you don't, you kind of only have yourself to blame.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Is honesty the issue surrounding poor communication?

Why isn't everyone honest?

What's the fear?

Surely we all want different things and therefore by expressing that we meet ppl that want the same?

Do you think that no one would meet you if they fully understood what you want?

Do you adapt to accommodate another person's needs or only meet those who fit your requirements perfectly? (I'm not talking physical attributes here)

Do you think maybe the Fab profile tick boxes could include additional things that would make your searches easier?

If you don't do one offs, do you build a foundation of trust where you can talk openly and express how you feel without fear of saying too much?

Do you think you're just on the wrong site for your needs?

I'm trying to understand why it seems to go so wrong so frequently, leaving ppl upset and disappointed. That's sad and I'm sure better communication could prevent some of this

I'm a softie and want ppl to be happy. I know that everyone won't be happy but sometimes some simple changes can make all the difference. I'm lucky, Fab has been a happy accident and serendipity has been my friend. I see the angst others have and I wonder why there is so much of it. I'm not a swinger yet I survive in this environment, I have few niggles and do my own thing. I'm happy and want others to be happy too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The trouble I have with people on here is that very often, what they say and describe on the profile, isn't what they are or want in reality.

E.g. Bubbly and chatty = aloof and unforthcoming.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"Yes sometimes communication can be difficult, we have no trouble saying what we want but then it gets to arranging the meet and the difficulties start. We're limited to daytime and also because of family and work commitments that adds more difficulties on. Some people lose interest I understand that but we do say we can't meet without good notice. X "

That's something that seems to happen a lot but ppl don't seem to listen. Two ears and one mouth springs to mind

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

Put your tea down and explain yourself

Put my tea down? Do you know who I am?

Judging by the pics I keep sending you yes I think that I have established who you are

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

Put your tea down and explain yourself

Put my tea down? Do you know who I am?

See, that was clear communication on both sides but the end result was not achieved

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?"

Like this thread for example.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a fantastic thoughtful thread. Thank you OP and contributors.

There are just a lot of people on Fab who will tell you what you want to hear in order to get a meet. In my case sim explicit about looking for FWBs with whom I can spend social time. It is explicitly discussed with people before I meet them. Then we meet and it becomes clear that social time was never on the cards. Despite careful filtering and totally explicit discussions this has happened twice now.

Fab also attracts people who like mind games. Tell you what you want to hear, slip inside your defences, then keep you dangling, enjoy your attention or set up meets they never intend making. No amount of clear communication will stop those guys - providing you with what you want to hear, while allowing enough semantic laxity to twist the conversation should you call them on anything is the game they love to play. And they're often married/attached.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

Put your tea down and explain yourself

Put my tea down? Do you know who I am?

Judging by the pics I keep sending you yes I think that I have established who you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example."

Lol... Some don't want to think lol x

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example."

This is meant to be thought provoking. Maybe help a few folk despite some being beyond help

. It becomes serious if ppl aren't happy on here and they can't figure out how to attract the things they want. So many post whining threads and usually get slated for it. I'm trying to be constructive rather than destructive. If that constitutes serious then so be it, but equally if one person benefits from the thread that could make things fun for them. This in turn could make the forum more fun, don't you think?

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example.

Lol... Some don't want to think lol x"

Apparently not

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"So many questions! Honestly, maybe I've just been really lucky but apart from two meh meets, what I've wanted I've always got. I think sometimes people can over think things and make it more of a 'thing' than it actually is.

If you want to something in particular, say. If you don't, you kind of only have yourself to blame."

You are a good communicator, I think that is partly why your experience has been a good one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example.

Lol... Some don't want to think lol x

Apparently not

Lol tbf during sex is the only time I shut up and don't think... It's like physical meditation... So all the pre-arranging I do is to just ensure that one on one tlc time is as blissful as possible...

People do over complicate this shit imo lol

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example.

Lol... Some don't want to think lol x

Apparently not

This is my point, I don't come here to think this is supposed to be an escape.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

"It's not just 'Fab honest',

Dishonesty of some degree occurs whenever somebody gets behind a keyboard. Unfortunately this is how society has become.

You think everyone online is dishonest? "

On a deeper understanding yes, I don't mean that everybody lies online, but to some degree we aren't always honest... Some things we withhold for whatever personal reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example.

Lol... Some don't want to think lol x

Apparently not

People do over complicate this shit imo lol"

'Physical meditation ' - love this. I can only climax if this happens. Don't talk to me during sex..

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example.

Lol... Some don't want to think lol x

Apparently not

This is my point, I don't come here to think this is supposed to be an escape."

But as I think we've established we all want different things I unfortunately think all the time. Regardless of what I'm doing but that doesn't mean I'm not having fun. I avoid threads that don't interest me of which there are many. I don't really come here to be made to think but nonetheless if a thread captures my attention then I'll comment. I comment and post to suit me and what I want to achieve. I'm happy and having fun and hopefully that isn't at the detriment to others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always very honest about what it is I'm looking for. After a few messages if we start talking about possibly meeting I discuss the things that I worry could possibly put them off but as I won't meet otherwise its important to be upfront. I always ask them for any boundaries they have.

I have also found I have to ask spesific questions like 'Do you use condoms' and 'are you single' its no good believing the profile!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example.

Lol... Some don't want to think lol x

Apparently not

People do over complicate this shit imo lol

'Physical meditation ' - love this. I can only climax if this happens. Don't talk to me during sex.."

... Lol sex makes me stupid... temporarily, and very happily so lol x

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I'm always very honest about what it is I'm looking for. After a few messages if we start talking about possibly meeting I discuss the things that I worry could possibly put them off but as I won't meet otherwise its important to be upfront. I always ask them for any boundaries they have.

I have also found I have to ask spesific questions like 'Do you use condoms' and 'are you single' its no good believing the profile! "

You mean profiles aren't always accurate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is honesty the issue surrounding poor communication?

Why isn't everyone honest?

What's the fear?

Surely we all want different things and therefore by expressing that we meet ppl that want the same?

Do you think that no one would meet you if they fully understood what you want?

Do you adapt to accommodate another person's needs or only meet those who fit your requirements perfectly? (I'm not talking physical attributes here)

Do you think maybe the Fab profile tick boxes could include additional things that would make your searches easier?

If you don't do one offs, do you build a foundation of trust where you can talk openly and express how you feel without fear of saying too much?

Do you think you're just on the wrong site for your needs?

I'm trying to understand why it seems to go so wrong so frequently, leaving ppl upset and disappointed. That's sad and I'm sure better communication could prevent some of this

Oh, I'd love serendipity to be my friend!

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"This is a fantastic thoughtful thread. Thank you OP and contributors.

Ppl playing games is difficult to combat and is just wrong I'd hate that to happen to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think open honest communication is the only way.

I've been stung a few times on here with people saying they want one thing and it is clear that's not the case.

Only time let's you see this unfortunately. By then you could have invested in something that's not compatible with what you want yourself.

There are people out there who will feel the same as you though, whether that's luck or pure chance when you do find them who knows.

Life online is a tough nut to crack, we all should be given a medal for trying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a fantastic thoughtful thread. Thank you OP and contributors.

There are just a lot of people on Fab who will tell you what you want to hear in order to get a meet.

......,,

Ppl playing games is difficult to combat and is just wrong I'd hate that to happen to me

Despite how the above sounds, Fab is providing great fun at the moment. I don't think it's my improved communication, insight or filtering tho. I'm just going through a lucky patch..

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I think if you are having fun you shouldn't worry too much about what cyber egos are doing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told the last bloke I met that I didn't do anal, he went to fuck me up the arse and also I had said I didn't do pain and he overstepped the mark there too. Sometimes members just don't read properly what others say XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if you are having fun you shouldn't worry too much about what cyber egos are doing "

It's when you're not and you've been messed about a few times in a row that it gets to you..you stop blaming the cyber egos (love that phrase) and picking your decision making apart...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People lie to get a fuck. I don't tell people what I want because they just say they want that too. They change mail to match whatever my profile says.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this is all turning into too much hard work

It is supposed to be fun, people take it too seriously.

What do you mean by seriously?

Like this thread for example.

This is meant to be thought provoking. Maybe help a few folk despite some being beyond help

Nice to have an interesting thread.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I told the last bloke I met that I didn't do anal, he went to fuck me up the arse and also I had said I didn't do pain and he overstepped the mark there too. Sometimes members just don't read properly what others say XXX"

Anal, just no, I couldn't emphasise that enough when I started messaging someone. Had anal been attempted by anyone it wouldn't have ended well

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