FabSwingers.com forum: Approaching men in clubs.........

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

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By *ingle ex cuckMan
over a year ago

chester

it's a really reasonable post

the internet is too blame

it's so easy to press a keyboard

we have lost all out communication skills

70 percent of relationships stay at work

I mean who actually meets in a club these days

if I tried to spark of a conversation in a club I would probably expect to be slapped

sad isn't it

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By *ingle ex cuckMan
over a year ago

chester

"it's a really reasonable post

the internet is too blame

it's so easy to press a keyboard

we have lost all out communication skills

70 percent of relationships stay at work

I mean who actually meets in a club these days

if I tried to spark of a conversation in a club I would probably expect to be slapped

sad isn't it "

our not out

start not stay

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By *uthTVDerbysTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

Growing a pair might not get the results you initially intended. Unless it's a dedicated club theme

I was chatting up this girl at the club in front of her boyfriend I was saying, "Come home with me for some good night loving!"

"Um HELLO," said her bloke, "I'm standing right here, you know!"

"Sorry mate, you're not really my type," I replied

(Groan)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"it's a really reasonable post

the internet is too blame

it's so easy to press a keyboard

we have lost all out communication skills

70 percent of relationships stay at work

I mean who actually meets in a club these days

if I tried to spark of a conversation in a club I would probably expect to be slapped

sad isn't it "

A lot of people go to clubs and most of the time things just happen on their own but as a single girl I think it's hard to approach men and especially couples

You're right though. Communication skills have skipped a generation

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

This is one of the main things that stops me trying a club for the first time too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best places to meet are at the bar, smokers area and hot tub ...impossible not to strike up a conversation in these areas...I've even see non smokers hanging about in smokers areas!...Wherever you end up, just smile and someone will approach

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Best places to meet are at the bar, smokers area and hot tub ...impossible not to strike up a conversation in these areas...I've even see non smokers hanging about in smokers areas!...Wherever you end up, just smile and someone will approach

Ha ha I frequent all these areas I find the bar the most awkward as I'm stood there on my own with a drink looking like a wall flower lol. If I'm in a group and someone makes eye contact I don't know what to do lol

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Spot on this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Smile. Say hello. Many men won't speak for fear of being grunted at.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

A bar can be a low pressure meeting point.

But we helped a female friend of ours this week in exactly the same position.

We were just on our way to a private room for an ffm with her. She'd said that she had her eye on a guy. We were able to egg her on enough to aproach him. She was very nervous about doing so, but did. She asked if he wanted to play later. 'Yes' was the answer

It's hard for anyone to do that, and the 'fear' of failure is hard to overcome. For couples, or single guys, it's the same. I think just chatting in general, rather than going straight in for the kill, is better, as you can gauge how they might react, from subtle flirting first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Smile. Say hello. Many men won't speak for fear of being grunted at.

Totally agree with this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bar can be a low pressure meeting point.

But we helped a female friend of ours this week in exactly the same position.

I think it's really mean when people slag off men on threads that are wary of going to clubs for fear of being ignored. It can be just as intimidating for women and couples.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

I think the key here is 'looking like a wall flower'. In truth it's actually 'feeling like'! People wont see you the way you are feeling, it's just your natural nervousness. As time goes by, your confidence and self belief will build x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is as hard as us for fellas.

Firstly the eye contact and body language. The main thing.

I don't do chat up lines as such. But can read body language.

Just be prepared for a few fails. If you fancy someone in a club, just walk up and say hi, make some random comment about anything, smile and give them a compliment. If they walk away, blank you or throw their pint over your face (haha), just chuckle to yourself, and move on to the next.

The fear of pulling is not the fear of pulling. It is the fear of rejection.

What does not kill you makes you stronger xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed it's hard for men, what a lot of people don't realise or acknowledge is that it can be equally difficult for women, albeit in a different way

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By *entileschiWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

Try a bit of Dutch courage?

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I often find it hard to strike up a conversation in clubs too.

Sometimes it seems easy and other times I just can't seem to find the words to say. Social anxiety is a bitch!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often find it hard to strike up a conversation in clubs too.

Sometimes it seems easy and other times I just can't seem to find the words to say. Social anxiety is a bitch!

Agreed! I get nervous about starting conversations, I don't get nervous about the sex part!!!

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I make eye contact and smile, if someone is interested I hope that gives them enough encouragement to feel they can come over and say hello.

I find it much harder with couples as there are so many more factors involved and I wouldn't like to offend.

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

if they're in your bedroom then obviously there's no doubt they're attracted to you, in a club you've no idea so of course your not gonna be as confident.

most men will fuck anything, don't worry about them not being interested.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

Have you considered going into an open room and seeing how it goes ?

You can sit on the sidelines and wait to see if anyone approaches you , or ask to join in if you fancy it .

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

Have you considered going into an open room and seeing how it goes ?

You can sit on the sidelines and wait to see if anyone approaches you , or ask to join in if you fancy it ."

I've seen other threads were people have complained about guys in clubs trying to join in and touch without being invited. So if,as a single woman, I was sat watching I don't know how I'd deal with that if it happened as I assume men like that would probably try with a woman sat or standing next to them if they have tried with a group or couple that are already playing.

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By *uriousTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

"....I don't know what to do lol "

You should come say hi to us couples... we don't bite, much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a female friend who couldn't even get herself to a club she was so worried about these issues. We dragged her out a few weeks ago and acted as wingmen... turned out after a couple of drinks and a bit of eye contact / nervous small talk in the public spaces she really didn't need us

Good luck, be brave, confidence itself is a turn on

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"We have a female friend who couldn't even get herself to a club she was so worried about these issues. We dragged her out a few weeks ago and acted as wingmen... turned out after a couple of drinks and a bit of eye contact / nervous small talk in the public spaces she really didn't need us

Good luck, be brave, confidence itself is a turn on

we all need friends like you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck, be brave, confidence itself is a turn on

we all need friends like you

We're always happy to help

I think my husband got more attention than us girls initially, walking in with 2 ladies on his arm

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

"I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

I no how you fill op.

I'm.in the same boat but for you its men and for me its woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone will find it difficult in their own way - I'm not shy or lacking confidence socially but am old-fashioned and prefer men to approach me!

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

"I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

If you were a biscuit you'd be a Mcfitty lol

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By *icky-discoMan
over a year ago

oxford

Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven the list is endless

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ha ha thanks for the comments and advice everyone..........

If you was a biscuit you'd be a mcfitty ha ha ha love that. Think that's the winner from today ha ha

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"Smile. Say hello. Many men won't speak for fear of being grunted at.

Too right!

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

I have no idea what you look like and I don't speak for all men. But I can tell you that if you appriached me in a club I would chat with you. If you think about it like that then you can't go wrong. Even if the fella is not attracted to you, I believe most would welcome the approach. And it will get your confidence built up. If they do fancy you them boom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have the same problem only i cant chat to women in clubs or pubs, probably my social anexity killing my chances

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know what it is with me but I find doing this really hard!

Once I'm in the bedroom I'm as confident as they come but when I go to swingers clubs I'm like a kid in the school playground and go all shy

I've had nights in clubs that have turned into one late social as I've not had the bottle to approach men that I like and as I haven't been approached by anyone it's been no play for me!

I know a lot of clubs have strict rules about men pestering the women in clubs but for us shy ones it's of no help.

Any single males or females want to give me some tips or dodgy chat up lines ha ha

I need to grow a pair really and stop being shy but probably through fear of rejection or embarrassment I don't do the asking ha ha

I've had many a night like this and often I've gone home and wondered why I paid so much money just to sit there.

But I go back, and do you know why?

Because even if I haven't played, I've had a good time talking to people. A lot of what makes up the swinging lifestyle for me is that no matter what else in life, we all share this one common interest and that's enough to get a conversation going with anyone.

I'll echo everyone else here and say talk to people in communal areas like the smoking area, I've had great chats in there and I don't smoke, or a hot tub if the club has one.

You're north west yes? If you ever come to Townhouse and see me there, come and say hello. We can have a good natter and see if we click enough to head upstairs...

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