FabSwingers.com forum: Body Confidence Envy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok. Bit of a self indulgentish moment here lol ...

I have recently lost 9 stone so my body is more "comfort" than sexy .. in other words slightly loose and flabalicious (

) ... now while I am starting to love my new figure I still don't have buckets of confidence about it.

I've had a few socials, a couple of playdates and several ghostings since joining here and am comfortable with that (made a couple of mates along the way which I always good!

)

My problem is ... those of you out there - women AND men ... who have "imperfect bodies" but clearly buckets and buckets of confidence ... I'm slightly envious.

I wish I had that level if confidence despite my lumps, bumps and wobbly bits and am reaching out to the good people of fab to ask if you can help to guide me to find that confidence and embrace FULLY my new improved - if imperfect - figure?

Thanks I'm advance

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Well done you, for what has obviously been a long and tough journey.

Unfortunately, I have no wise words for body confidence. But be proud of your acheivement.

Lxx

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By *ldhillhotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Old Hill

I found that my confidence (what little I have) came with the lifestyle. After spending much of my adult life thinking I wasn't sexy and desirable.

Suddenly I could be the centre of attention and was desired. That did a hell of a lot for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's something that has to come from within. I don't think anyone can tell you how to love yourself if your head isn't in the right place. I can easily say don't worry what others think and don't compare yourself to others, but it won't change the way you see yourself. And compliments from others,no matter how genuine make very little difference in my experience.

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By *wo4FemCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

First of all. Congratulations on loosing 9 stone.

Remember that nobody is perfect.

Boost your confidence by standing naked in front of the mirror and saying "This is me. I look hot and feel great."

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

Well done you. None of us have perfect bodies, but confidence comes from within. Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any words of wisdom as I'm exactly the same. Doesn't matter what anyone says I still see the fat old woman in the mirror. Learning to love yourself is a difficult journey, and being on here isn't always the best thing as while it's nice to get compliments there are some stunning ladies on here. If you find the way to get your confidence up let me know x

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

i tell myself i've had kids, put on weight, lost weight, and my body has been through a lot so isn't gonna be perfect.

but i'm looking after myself and deserve that and that's all i can do.

i suppose understanding what is reasonable for a body to be helps too. i even have my belly sag out in my pics, i think this helps people understand what bodies look like normally as it's not hidden.

people will like you for more than your imperfect body too, this helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's something that has to come from within. I don't think anyone can tell you how to love yourself if your head isn't in the right place. I can easily say don't worry what others think and don't compare yourself to others, but it won't change the way you see yourself. And compliments from others,no matter how genuine make very little difference in my experience. "

Agreed with everything you said there except

"And compliments from others,no matter how genuine make very little difference in my experience."

Compliments I believe is the best way of lifting your spirits and making you believe in how good you look.

The more people that tell you it the better it feels BUT not from a man on a sex site,don't mean to offend the men please we know not everyone is the same, but a lot of man say anything to get their pleasure xx female replying xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you've achieved is fantastic and something you should be proud of. In terms of confidence, as other have pointed out it comes from with. If you feel better in yourself then as each day passes the confidence will build. Your pics,especially the mirror one show a fantastic looking woman. Be bold, embrace the new you and the confidence will come

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I found that my confidence (what little I have) came with the lifestyle. After spending much of my adult life thinking I wasn't sexy and desirable.

Suddenly I could be the centre of attention and was desired. That did a hell of a lot for me.

To be honest this has helped a lot - and I know I'm never gonna be for everyone (I've also rejected a lot of messages cos the sender's not for me) ... but since I joined here my confidence HAS grown so maybe this is great advice

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok. Bit of a self indulgentish moment here lol ...

I have recently lost 9 stone so my body is more "comfort" than sexy .. in other words slightly loose and flabalicious (

) ... now while I am starting to love my new figure I still don't have buckets of confidence about it.

I've had a few socials, a couple of playdates and several ghostings since joining here and am comfortable with that (made a couple of mates along the way which I always good!

)

My problem is ... those of you out there - women AND men ... who have "imperfect bodies" but clearly buckets and buckets of confidence ... I'm slightly envious.

Thanks I'm advance

Congratulations on the weight loss.

It's not easy.Its a difficult tedious tear jerking journey.

I've lost 4 stone in total in last 4 years.

Be proud of yourself.It takes will power,strength and courage to do this. And to keep on going.

Only thing I can say from my own experience.Accept who you are.Your body and your mind you constantly work on.Today You are a better version of yourself then you were yesterday.

Be proud of yourself.

You are a Strong confident sexy one hell of a lady. Respect.

Red

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i tell myself i've had kids, put on weight, lost weight, and my body has been through a lot so isn't gonna be perfect.

but i'm looking after myself and deserve that and that's all i can do.

i suppose understanding what is reasonable for a body to be helps too. i even have my belly sag out in my pics, i think this helps people understand what bodies look like normally as it's not hidden.

people will like you for more than your imperfect body too, this helps."

Apart from having kids this sounds like me .... and believe me I know HOW to use this imperfect body

Thank you ... my confidence is growing already!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What you've achieved is fantastic and something you should be proud of. In terms of confidence, as other have pointed out it comes from with. If you feel better in yourself then as each day passes the confidence will build. Your pics,especially the mirror one show a fantastic looking woman. Be bold, embrace the new you and the confidence will come"

This has just boosted my confidence as you wouldn't believe ... thank you!

Just a few words can make such a difference ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok. Bit of a self indulgentish moment here lol ...

I have recently lost 9 stone so my body is more "comfort" than sexy .. in other words slightly loose and flabalicious (

) ... now while I am starting to love my new figure I still don't have buckets of confidence about it.

I've had a few socials, a couple of playdates and several ghostings since joining here and am comfortable with that (made a couple of mates along the way which I always good!

)

My problem is ... those of you out there - women AND men ... who have "imperfect bodies" but clearly buckets and buckets of confidence ... I'm slightly envious.

Thanks I'm advance

Congratulations on the weight loss.

It's not easy.Its a difficult tedious tear jerking journey.

I've lost 4 stone in total in last 4 years.

Be proud of yourself.It takes will power,strength and courage to do this. And to keep on going.

Only thing I can say from my own experience.Accept who you are.Your body and your mind you constantly work on.Today You are a better version of yourself then you were yesterday.

Be proud of yourself.

You are a Strong confident sexy one hell of a lady. Respect.

Red

I feel better already

Thank you!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done op you've done great . I've lost three stone still loads to go. I've always said I wish they sold confidence in bottles as I could do with some. Hope you find inner confidence soon xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To those I haven't directly respnded to ... THANK YOU ... what you have said makes perfect sense and I have some inner confidence already - just got to get the bugger by the ears and pull it out, shake it up, know that I'm a lovely person AND hot and sexy (to some) too...

You fabbers are, quite simply, FAB!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well done op you've done great . I've lost three stone still loads to go. I've always said I wish they sold confidence in bottles as I could do with some. Hope you find inner confidence soon xx"

This thread is helping ..

Hope it helps you too as

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

i also agree you should be proud of losing all that weight. that's quite an achievement in itself, it shows commitment to yourself and that you can do something really hard.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Be very clear on this, every single one of us has imperfect bodies. All of us.

The industry standard is only achieved by a minute and genetically gifted portion of humanity who are made up and photo shopped. In reality, even they have those 'imperfections'.

I'm in the same position as you, massive weight loss that I've kept off for ten years now. Strut your stuff, stare at your new self in shop windows, take your clothes off in the knowledge that sexy is a feeling, not a look and my word, you ARE sexy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/09/17 07:44:05]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well done on the great weight loss.

Confidence is from within, but, dress for your new shape, not your old one.

Try some colour in your clothes.I think plum tones would suit you.

Ditch the grey...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i also agree you should be proud of losing all that weight. that's quite an achievement in itself, it shows commitment to yourself and that you can do something really hard.

I'm keeping it off too and steadily losing more. Thanks x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Be very clear on this, every single one of us has imperfect bodies. All of us.

The industry standard is only achieved by a minute and genetically gifted portion of humanity who are made up and photo shopped. In reality, even they have those 'imperfections'.

You're gonna be my inspiration cos you look amazing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well done on the great weight loss.

Confidence is from within, but, dress for your new shape, not your old one.

Try some colour in your clothes.I think plum tones would suit you.

Ditch the grey...

Thanks I'm trying to do this and it's easy to still dress to my old shape... noted and taken on board

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Be very clear on this, every single one of us has imperfect bodies. All of us.

The industry standard is only achieved by a minute and genetically gifted portion of humanity who are made up and photo shopped. In reality, even they have those 'imperfections'.

You're gonna be my inspiration cos you look amazing

Thank you, I feel amazing even with the empty skin and what advancing age does to my body. Don't wait for others to validate you, do it yourself

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

OP first up I hope this thread is proving your status wrong

As others have said the achievement you've made is fantastic so congratulations to you for that - as for confidence again as others have said that can only come from within and takes time.

I'm not the most confident person in a lot of ways but when it comes to my body I'm probably the most confident I've ever been as a result of losing over 3 stone in the past couple of years - one thing that helped me no end was visiting clubs for the first time and getting naked in front of others and realising not only were people not staring at me or sniggering, but that some were even attracted to me - add to that that there were others of all shapes and sizes there and no-one batted an eyelid and it boosted my body confidence no end.

Now I'm not suggesting that would work for everyone but it certainly did the trick for me

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By *osmosgirlWoman
over a year ago

Wetherby

You look very sexy to me,OP.

I could point out dozens of imperfections on my body but instead I tell myself it is the only one I have, it tells the story of my life and I embrace that.

Don't worry, be happy. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP first up I hope this thread is proving your status wrong

As others have said the achievement you've made is fantastic so congratulations to you for that - as for confidence again as others have said that can only come from within and takes time.

Now I'm not suggesting that would work for everyone but it certainly did the trick for me

You're gorgeous anyway so that's easy for you to say!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You look very sexy to me,OP.

I could point out dozens of imperfections on my body but instead I tell myself it is the only one I have, it tells the story of my life and I embrace that.

Don't worry, be happy. Xx"

Thank you

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Congratulations on your remarkable weight loss achievement. An extraordinary feat in itself

Perfection is abstract and intangible, and no one has a perfect body. Are there people more attractive than ourselves? Sure there are. But everyone has preferences, and there will always be ones that are attracted to us. Care not what others think of you. People who look down on you or make any derogatory comments are insecure individuals who project that insecurity onto you. You certainly don't need their presence or approval and are better off without them. Being comfortable in your own skin is also sexy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Congratulations on your remarkable weight loss achievement. An extraordinary feat in itself

I just had to go and have a little finger on your profile but I digress ... I'm not uncomfortable in my own skin ... and this thread has, actually, banged my confidence up no end so don't know what I was mithering on about.

I have enjoyed fab mostly and that's not gonna stop.

I **AM** sexy ... just maybe not the sexiest!!!

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Congratulations on your remarkable weight loss achievement. An extraordinary feat in itself

I have enjoyed fab mostly and that's not gonna stop.

I **AM** sexy ... just maybe not the sexiest!!!

That positive attitude of yours I think defines what fab should be all about

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"OP first up I hope this thread is proving your status wrong

As others have said the achievement you've made is fantastic so congratulations to you for that - as for confidence again as others have said that can only come from within and takes time.

Now I'm not suggesting that would work for everyone but it certainly did the trick for me

You're gorgeous anyway so that's easy for you to say!!

xx"

And you M'lady are not only far too kind but also need a trip to Specsavers!!

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"I **AM** sexy ... just maybe not the sexiest!!!

No, that would be me

Minxy, I've had a very careful look at your pictures and you look fantastic. Body confidence comes from within which is why there are some size 10 women who only see their own flab.

Your weight loss is a great achievement, be proud and be happy.

Oh, and I would

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Congratulations!!

All I can say is you would need to look very hard for a lady that is happy with all her body..

Everyone dislikes something about them.

My advice ..buy some nice sexy undies that cover up your problem area..ie a corset or stockings or even a sexy slip that you can wear while still having fun

Embrace what you have and have tons of fun.. .You have earned it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done you. xxxx Be nice to yourself and be true to who you are as a person .. That way you don't look back and think if only . Everyone is different that's what makes you . x

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Think of every blemish as an acheivement. I have a flabby belly with stretch marks. Each stretch mark is a scar from giving another human life, from having my son. My c-section scar, again, not only did I have a terrible pregnancy, I kicked it's ass. I survived it.

Each scar/blemish tells a story of survival.

I have a birth mark on the back of my leg. I used to hate it, kids at school used to take the piss. You know what I call it now? My sexy stamp.

Each thing that you find different to others - well, they are the things that make you YOU.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Ok. Bit of a self indulgentish moment here lol ...

I have recently lost 9 stone so my body is more "comfort" than sexy .. in other words slightly loose and flabalicious (

) ... now while I am starting to love my new figure I still don't have buckets of confidence about it.

I've had a few socials, a couple of playdates and several ghostings since joining here and am comfortable with that (made a couple of mates along the way which I always good!

)

My problem is ... those of you out there - women AND men ... who have "imperfect bodies" but clearly buckets and buckets of confidence ... I'm slightly envious.

Thanks I'm advance

Well done, losing 9 stone is quite an achievement.

Confidence about ones bodyis a mind set that isn't always connected to body type. I think you should stop referring to your and other people's body negatively. You can never be confident about something you refer to as imperfect and saying that people have confidence despite their imperfect body is damning with faint praise. Look for imperfections and you will find them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I **AM** sexy ... just maybe not the sexiest!!!

No, that would be me

Minxy, I've had a very careful look at your pictures and you look fantastic. Body confidence comes from within which is why there are some size 10 women who only see their own flab.

Your weight loss is a great achievement, be proud and be happy.

Oh, and I would

So would I ... you'd better contact me privately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done on the weight loss! What an incredible achievement!

I lost three stone last year, would still like to lose a few more lbs, and feel exactly how you do about myself. I'm my own worst critic and have actually ruled out people who have messaged based on believing other women they have pictures with on their profiles look better than me, so why would they want to be with me? Mr F often despairs over my lack of self-confidence, but honestly, when it's how you've been programmed through other people's comments and actions since your childhood, it's tough to just switch the negative inner voice off!

I hope you manage to find that boost and confidence you need xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well done on the weight loss! What an incredible achievement!

I hope you manage to find that boost and confidence you need xx"

Thank you xx

I have to say this thread has given me a SERIOUS boost of confidence - it was probably there all the time but just needed a little rub to bring it out again lol

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Think of every blemish as an acheivement. I have a flabby belly with stretch marks. Each stretch mark is a scar from giving another human life, from having my son. My c-section scar, again, not only did I have a terrible pregnancy, I kicked it's ass. I survived it.

Each scar/blemish tells a story of survival.

I have a birth mark on the back of my leg. I used to hate it, kids at school used to take the piss. You know what I call it now? My sexy stamp.

Each thing that you find different to others - well, they are the things that make you YOU. "

This...totally and simply this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done you for losing the weight, i myself should lose some, however I watched the Lisa Riley documentary and that was scary! I don't want to be left looking like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Congratulations hun on the weight loss. ?

I too have the same issue and have found that I accept my body more now from being on fab than before. I am by far not overly body confident when naked but have found the guys I meet bring the sexiness out of me more. I think it does come from inside of you tho. If You can love yourself and know men find you sexually attractive you will get more and more confident in time. ??

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

"Ok. Bit of a self indulgentish moment here lol ...

I have recently lost 9 stone so my body is more "comfort" than sexy .. in other words slightly loose and flabalicious (

) ... now while I am starting to love my new figure I still don't have buckets of confidence about it.

I've had a few socials, a couple of playdates and several ghostings since joining here and am comfortable with that (made a couple of mates along the way which I always good!

)

My problem is ... those of you out there - women AND men ... who have "imperfect bodies" but clearly buckets and buckets of confidence ... I'm slightly envious.

Thanks I'm advance

I'd love to pm you, but I'm blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not about how it looks, it's about what it can DO!

And I am a nice person. I do my best. I am not so much body confident. Just confident

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do have confidence at times, I find music helps your mood/confidence a lot, then you catch an unflattering reflection and it disappears

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

Congratulations on your amazing achievement

I wish there was a secret potion to give you what you seek.. I would join you in taking it lol

People don't always see what we see in the mirror so I can only echo some earlier posts where we have to look at ourselves I the mirror of photo and just keep telling ourselves we are beautiful xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think for me anyway a lot of it is front. I come across confident but inside Im still pretty insecure.

I just remind myself that whoever Im with is there through choice and knows what my body is like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

even people that 'appear' confident probably have worries and dislikes -

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By *owdyboy 890Man
over a year ago

Country West

Fair play OP that takes a lot of even trying to do... so well done and have a lot of confidence going forward from here as to what you can achieve xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok. Bit of a self indulgentish moment here lol ...

I have recently lost 9 stone so my body is more "comfort" than sexy .. in other words slightly loose and flabalicious (

) ... now while I am starting to love my new figure I still don't have buckets of confidence about it.

I've had a few socials, a couple of playdates and several ghostings since joining here and am comfortable with that (made a couple of mates along the way which I always good!

)

My problem is ... those of you out there - women AND men ... who have "imperfect bodies" but clearly buckets and buckets of confidence ... I'm slightly envious.

Thanks I'm advance

First off congrats on your changes. I have found the swinger community in general to be accepting and less judgemental (at least here in the states). Just remember no one is perfect and we all put our pants on the same way. Besides what you have going on between your ears is way more important.

In time you'll become more comfortable with the new you. Until then just do your best to fake it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow 9st!

That's amazing x

I am the last person to tell you how to be body confident.

Of course I wish I was thinner, firmer, younger!

But I'm not - i'm 42 a size 16 and have spent too many years trying to be a size 10.

I honestly think that it's not meant to be!

So I've put myself out there flab and all.

I just accept myself more now - I don't look in the mirror and hate myself anymore.

It's got nothing to do with what size I am.

Post a full body pic OP - you'll be surprised with the response x

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