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"The really cut down version... I went to a meet, she arrived ontime, but she was a lot bigger than the "average" physique she purported to be. I was polite through the meet and when she made it obvious she wanted to get physical, I told her she was a lovely person and I had a good evening, but I was not physically aroused by her. She looked shocked and asked why. I was honest and told her she was larger than I was comfortable with, and for me to do anything I would have to push myself and would not enjoy the experience. Needless to say she took offence and her attitude turned extremely sour and aggressive. Now, if the genders were reversed, and it was a woman turning down a guy and the guy behaved like that. First, lying about their body and second, the whole attitude thing when being turned down... Wouldn't the guy be seen as pressuring the woman and if she went through with it against her express want/desire it would be r_pe; yes?" agreed! If she wasn't uour cup of tea why go along with it? You were polite and truthful and that's the important part | |||
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"No I don't think you were out of line if the lady wasn't exactly honest about her size.Mind you,do you state exactly what you are looking for on your profile? ![]() How is that the point? | |||
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"The really cut down version... I went to a meet, she arrived ontime, but she was a lot bigger than the "average" physique she purported to be. I was polite through the meet and when she made it obvious she wanted to get physical, I told her she was a lovely person and I had a good evening, but I was not physically aroused by her. She looked shocked and asked why. I was honest and told her she was larger than I was comfortable with, and for me to do anything I would have to push myself and would not enjoy the experience. Needless to say she took offence and her attitude turned extremely sour and aggressive. Now, if the genders were reversed, and it was a woman turning down a guy and the guy behaved like that. First, lying about their body and second, the whole attitude thing when being turned down... Wouldn't the guy be seen as pressuring the woman and if she went through with it against her express want/desire it would be r_pe; yes?" The R word's a bit stronger but other than that I think you was right to be honest with politeness ![]() | |||
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"You're under no obligation to have sex with anyone you don't want to just because you met on here" Exactly this! ![]() | |||
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"How bloody rude ![]() ![]() Sorry miss ![]() | |||
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"No I don't think you were out of line if the lady wasn't exactly honest about her size.Mind you,do you state exactly what you are looking for on your profile? ![]() No I don't state it on my profile, but body types came up in conversation and I was upfront. | |||
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"No I don't think you were out of line if the lady wasn't exactly honest about her size.Mind you,do you state exactly what you are looking for on your profile? ![]() Always comes back to the males fault with some people | |||
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"Even if she looked exactly like she did in her pics but you just didn't hit it off you shouldn't feel obliged to have sex with anyone. You were polite and she shouldn't have pushed you for a reason if she was going to act like a brat when you told her. I never assume a guy is going to like me and want to take it further even if they do think they like my pics and chatting online. It's different in the flesh. I'd hate to think someone felt they were forcing themselves to like me or pretending in any way. " Really? Shit...cancel Thursday then | |||
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"op next time see the person on web cam ..... I would never meet with out seeing a person on cam first. " Call me old school, I started swinging when you put ads in the paper and SMS was still 160chr. I don't need to windowshop with pics/cam before a social meet, pics don't convey a personality. | |||
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"op next time see the person on web cam ..... I would never meet with out seeing a person on cam first. Call me old school, I started swinging when you put ads in the paper and SMS was still 160chr. I don't need to windowshop with pics/cam before a social meet, pics don't convey a personality." if you had before this meet you would have known .. I have been at this over 25 years ..... I know how it works. And after meet i was not happy with my web cam sorted it. | |||
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"i think you could have used more tactful language ,and said f--k off you fat cow" Totally not me. I mean I even thought putting "morbidly obese" in my OP was not PC so went with "a lot bigger" wording. Being directly insulting is not me. | |||
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"I think where you went wrong was you should have told her via the medium of mime. And proceeded to act out what you told her. Now THAT is how to let someone down. Particularly if you was dressed as Marcel Marceau." And obviously exited via moonwalking backwards with an imaginary umbrella pulling you in imaginary wind. No? Just me then! | |||
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"i think you could have used more tactful language ,and said f--k off you fat cow Totally not me. I mean I even thought putting "morbidly obese" in my OP was not PC so went with "a lot bigger" wording. Being directly insulting is not me." morbidly obese is ok to say i think, it's a medical term. but it wouldn't have been appropriate to use in your OP i think coz it wouldn't explain that she had used misleading pics. | |||
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"The really cut down version... I went to a meet, she arrived ontime, but she was a lot bigger than the "average" physique she purported to be. I was polite through the meet and when she made it obvious she wanted to get physical, I told her she was a lovely person and I had a good evening, but I was not physically aroused by her. She looked shocked and asked why. I was honest and told her she was larger than I was comfortable with, and for me to do anything I would have to push myself and would not enjoy the experience. Needless to say she took offence and her attitude turned extremely sour and aggressive. Now, if the genders were reversed, and it was a woman turning down a guy and the guy behaved like that. First, lying about their body and second, the whole attitude thing when being turned down... Wouldn't the guy be seen as pressuring the woman and if she went through with it against her express want/desire it would be r_pe; yes?" I've met people I've not been attracted to for one reason or another and I haven't got physical with them! Always been polite, it's life we're not all going to be attracted to each other so we may as well just get over it!! It's not harsh it's reality x | |||
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"Even if she looked like her pics you are still allowed to say no to a meet" ![]() | |||
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"Ok lets not get into the fat calling, it isn't pleasant " so is telling a lie on your profile a wasting some one time why not be truthful,would you like to meet some one who tells lies i.v had it done to me it not funny | |||
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"I think where you went wrong was you should have told her via the medium of mime. And proceeded to act out what you told her. Now THAT is how to let someone down. Particularly if you was dressed as Marcel Marceau. And obviously exited via moonwalking backwards with an imaginary umbrella pulling you in imaginary wind. No? Just me then!" ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Ok lets not get into the fat calling, it isn't pleasant so is telling a lie on your profile a wasting some one time why not be truthful,would you like to meet some one who tells lies i.v had it done to me it not funny " ![]() | |||
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"It's perfectly acceptable to turn someone down and you can have a myriad of reasons for doing so. If someone asks why, you've choices as to what to say as the reason, and whatever reason you give you've choices how to phrase it and how to deliver the information. In your post you say she became sour and aggressive after you'd turned her down and explained why on her further query, you then ask the question about what if the genders had been reversed and there had been pressuring against the other's will ... My feedback: pressuring against someone's will and forcing them is wrong irrespective of genders -- you know that, we all know that. You didn't state that's what she did though. You say she was sour and aggressive. We know you turned her down, we know you chose to be explicit as to the reason why when she asked why. What we don't know is how you phrased it or delivered that information. I don't know if, quite frankly you were rude, offensive and the response you got next from her was warranted. Even if you were wondrously tactful and sensitive and diplomatic to the extreme, it's going to hurt to hear and people don't always handle difficult feedback well, be the bigger person and allow for that...excuse the sizeist phrasing there...she possibly already has low self esteem about her size, is self critical about it and it may be a reason she misrepresented herself (equally it might not be) but really, can you not have a little compassion in the fact that whatever the scenario, she deemed you desirable and you didn't feel the same and you communicated it and you weren't compelled to do anything you didn't want to and it's done and you can let it be? I'd say the same to any gender. You had the power in this situation, wield it with compassion. " ![]() | |||
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"You did lack a bit of tact. Personally I'd have given her a menu to browse and quietly slipped away while she was no doubt distracted ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Did you not see pictures of her before you met? Can't just go on their description. " Some people don't sent recent pics either ![]() | |||
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"I think where you went wrong was you should have told her via the medium of mime. And proceeded to act out what you told her. Now THAT is how to let someone down. Particularly if you was dressed as Marcel Marceau. And obviously exited via moonwalking backwards with an imaginary umbrella pulling you in imaginary wind. No? Just me then! ![]() ![]() ![]() i thought it was funny too, mimes often are. ![]() ![]() | |||
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"You did lack a bit of tact. Personally I'd have given her a menu to browse and quietly slipped away while she was no doubt distracted ![]() I'm more soft hearted. I'd have got her a family sized bucket and double shake then done a runner. | |||
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"I just hope she is not getting hurt reading this forum post . Not everyone is big from eating to much ." Agreed. The sizeist "banter" is pretty revolting. | |||
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"You're under no obligation to have sex with anyone you don't want to just because you met on here" This ![]() ![]() | |||
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"I just hope she is not getting hurt reading this forum post . Not everyone is big from eating to much . Agreed. The sizeist "banter" is pretty revolting." Cheap jokes ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby." Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. " The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass." McDonalds or KFC? Will she marry me? | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass." Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass." Ohhhh, you mean the people that turn a thread about what someone did into a laughathon about fat people and KFC buckets? Shame on them ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended). I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though ![]() | |||
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"I don't believe a word of it tbh, maybe she turned you down and you can't handle it. " I don't believe it happened either. Apologies to those who feel it needs to be taken with the utmost seriousness ![]() | |||
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"Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended). I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though ![]() Another skinny person who thinks they know everything about everyone else's body ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() ![]() Lets all get together for a few days. I will see if Stornaway light house is free next week. | |||
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"I just hope she is not getting hurt reading this forum post . Not everyone is big from eating to much ." ![]() ![]() | |||
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"You have to realise that women are the weaker sex, not only pysically but also spiritually. We men can take critism on the chin because we adhere to truth and reason but women need it sugar coated even converted into a lie. " OMG another joker. That's total bullshit. Some women are like that, as are some men. But most of us can handle ourselves. This would be a stupid site to be on if we couldn't ![]() | |||
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"Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended). I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though ![]() ![]() Another person on an anonymous forum who assumes they know everything about anonymous people on a forum ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() ![]() You mistake me, I am directing my accusation of fat shaming to the jokes/banter that I don't believe are posted to be critical or debate issues of obesity but are there to get a cheap laugh and titillate. Yes, you were one such poster. I'm not angry or upset, just asserting my opinion that it's unnecessary, unhelpful and I find it unappealing. I also respect you've the right to post crass jokes, and haven't suggested you 'get another hobby'. | |||
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"Yes you were wrong to put her down like that. You should have just climbed out of the toilet window....... ![]() I think he was at his home? ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() ![]() No, cheers. I like to hang with people that I find funny ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Thak g for the word "with". | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() ![]() You mistake me. I really would have offered her a large menu and then sneaked off ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Oh get a grip. We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others. If you can't handle that, try a different hobby. Who should be gripping? Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass. Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Oh I really didn't. I can totally believe you. | |||
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"You mistake me. I really would have offered her a large menu and then sneaked off ![]() ![]() Moi aussi ![]() | |||
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