FabSwingers.com forum: Was I out of line?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The really cut down version...

I went to a meet, she arrived ontime, but she was a lot bigger than the "average" physique she purported to be. I was polite through the meet and when she made it obvious she wanted to get physical, I told her she was a lovely person and I had a good evening, but I was not physically aroused by her.

She looked shocked and asked why. I was honest and told her she was larger than I was comfortable with, and for me to do anything I would have to push myself and would not enjoy the experience. Needless to say she took offence and her attitude turned extremely sour and aggressive.

Now, if the genders were reversed, and it was a woman turning down a guy and the guy behaved like that. First, lying about their body and second, the whole attitude thing when being turned down... Wouldn't the guy be seen as pressuring the woman and if she went through with it against her express want/desire it would be r_pe; yes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The really cut down version...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I don't think you were out of line if the lady wasn't exactly honest about her size.Mind you,do you state exactly what you are looking for on your profile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're under no obligation to have sex with anyone you don't want to just because you met on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

op next time see the person on web cam ..... I would never meet with out seeing a person on cam first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I don't think you were out of line if the lady wasn't exactly honest about her size.Mind you,do you state exactly what you are looking for on your profile?

How is that the point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You did exactly what I would do although I would probably have been a lot more savage about it

Well done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say not being manipulated into doing something you don't want to is a healthy attribute... Obviously some people aren't going to like it when they don't get their way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have the right to say NO!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The really cut down version...

The R word's a bit stronger but other than that I think you was right to be honest with politeness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you were out of line at all. I always make a point of letting potential meets know that I'm a big girl, it doesn't always come across in pictures, and maybe that was the case for this lady too. But ultimately she can't be mad at you for simply not being attracted to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes you were wrong to put her down like that. You should have just climbed out of the toilet window.......

j/k...what else could you do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection does seem to offend which is sad but it's a fact of life, if someone isn't your type then why compromise?

The only other thing I will add, didn't you swap pictures before hand to establish if there was or wasn't an initial attraction?

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land

"You're under no obligation to have sex with anyone you don't want to just because you met on here"

Exactly this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could have at least cooked her pie, chips, pizza and more chips before she left...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All you have to say is "you're not my type". No need for details.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Meeting doesn't mean you're on a promise. As long as you did it the right way, and sounds like you did, I'd say you were fair.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

You totaly did the right thing.

Just because you meet for a social, it shouldn't be assumed that anything more will follow on.

I've been in similar situations several times, and it's not always easy to tell someone that, having met them in person the attraction isn't there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You did the right thing .. You don't have to have sex with people your not into.. Its just could have been different .. You live and learn .. I think you have from this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not out of line at all. One of the *many* reasons I do socials first is to check they're not basket case, and check *both* parties are attracted to one another. You did the right thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have done the same thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How bloody rude

You know men aren't allowed to turn any ladies down on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How bloody rude

You know men aren't allowed to turn any ladies down on here

Sorry miss

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No I don't think you were out of line if the lady wasn't exactly honest about her size.Mind you,do you state exactly what you are looking for on your profile?

No I don't state it on my profile, but body types came up in conversation and I was upfront.

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By *ak777Man
over a year ago

shaw

i think you could have used more tactful language ,and said f--k off you fat cow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I don't think you were out of line if the lady wasn't exactly honest about her size.Mind you,do you state exactly what you are looking for on your profile?

No I don't state it on my profile, but body types came up in conversation and I was upfront."

Always comes back to the males fault with some people

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

Even if she looked exactly like she did in her pics but you just didn't hit it off you shouldn't feel obliged to have sex with anyone. You were polite and she shouldn't have pushed you for a reason if she was going to act like a brat when you told her. I never assume a guy is going to like me and want to take it further even if they do think they like my pics and chatting online. It's different in the flesh. I'd hate to think someone felt they were forcing themselves to like me or pretending in any way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Even if she looked exactly like she did in her pics but you just didn't hit it off you shouldn't feel obliged to have sex with anyone. You were polite and she shouldn't have pushed you for a reason if she was going to act like a brat when you told her. I never assume a guy is going to like me and want to take it further even if they do think they like my pics and chatting online. It's different in the flesh. I'd hate to think someone felt they were forcing themselves to like me or pretending in any way. "

Really? Shit...cancel Thursday then

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

You could have sat her on your pillion and done a wheelie all the way home.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"op next time see the person on web cam ..... I would never meet with out seeing a person on cam first. "

Call me old school, I started swinging when you put ads in the paper and SMS was still 160chr. I don't need to windowshop with pics/cam before a social meet, pics don't convey a personality.

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

pressuring someone to have sex is assault, no doubt about that. i don't believe she pressured you though from what you've said? although you haven't divulged exactly what the aggression was i'm getting the feeling she was insulted and turned nasty based on that and not that she wanted to fuck you.

as for the rest, well you could've been more tactful but being honest is good too. so if she asked why and got an answer she didn't like then tough shit really.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

No you're not out of line.

Judging by your last paragraph, you're well aware you are not out of line as well.

Anyways, male or female just fuck who you want and don't feel like you need to fuck others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"op next time see the person on web cam ..... I would never meet with out seeing a person on cam first.

Call me old school, I started swinging when you put ads in the paper and SMS was still 160chr. I don't need to windowshop with pics/cam before a social meet, pics don't convey a personality."
if you had before this meet you would have known .. I have been at this over 25 years ..... I know how it works. And after meet i was not happy with my web cam sorted it.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

You cannot force your penis or vagina to function

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can you be out of line by not lowering your standards and being a adult about the situation?

Sounds like you handled it fine.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I think where you went wrong was you should have told her via the medium of mime.

And proceeded to act out what you told her.

Now THAT is how to let someone down.

Particularly if you was dressed as Marcel Marceau.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i think you could have used more tactful language ,and said f--k off you fat cow"

Totally not me. I mean I even thought putting "morbidly obese" in my OP was not PC so went with "a lot bigger" wording. Being directly insulting is not me.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"I think where you went wrong was you should have told her via the medium of mime.

And proceeded to act out what you told her.

Now THAT is how to let someone down.

Particularly if you was dressed as Marcel Marceau."

And obviously exited via moonwalking backwards with an imaginary umbrella pulling you in imaginary wind.

No?

Just me then!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Even if she looked like her pics you are still allowed to say no to a meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you were perfectly correct in how you went about it. Polite yet honest and as stated above, just because you meet doesn't mean you have to have sex

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By *ak777Man
over a year ago

shaw

[Removed by poster at 12/09/17 21:29:22]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok lets not get into the fat calling, it isn't pleasant

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By *ak777Man
over a year ago

shaw

[Removed by poster at 12/09/17 21:34:23]

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

"i think you could have used more tactful language ,and said f--k off you fat cow

Totally not me. I mean I even thought putting "morbidly obese" in my OP was not PC so went with "a lot bigger" wording. Being directly insulting is not me."

morbidly obese is ok to say i think, it's a medical term. but it wouldn't have been appropriate to use in your OP i think coz it wouldn't explain that she had used misleading pics.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

I would say you did just the right thing, social meets are for finding out if one is attracted to the other person in many ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The really cut down version...

I've met people I've not been attracted to for one reason or another and I haven't got physical with them! Always been polite, it's life we're not all going to be attracted to each other so we may as well just get over it!! It's not harsh it's reality x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Case and point !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Even if she looked like her pics you are still allowed to say no to a meet"

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By *ak777Man
over a year ago

shaw

"Ok lets not get into the fat calling, it isn't pleasant "
so is telling a lie on your profile a wasting some one time why not be truthful,would you like to meet some one who tells lies i.v had it done to me it not funny

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I think you dud right OP.

Surely that is the point of a social. .. If you aren't attracted so be it.

Nita

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By *wo4FemCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

You are quite within your rights to say no to something you don't want to do.

If the attraction is not there then it would be a no from us. Likewise if ot was the other way round and they said no then we would accept their decision and move on.

Mr2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think where you went wrong was you should have told her via the medium of mime.

And proceeded to act out what you told her.

Now THAT is how to let someone down.

Particularly if you was dressed as Marcel Marceau.

And obviously exited via moonwalking backwards with an imaginary umbrella pulling you in imaginary wind.

No?

Just me then!"

Well we thought it was funny!! *miming our way out of the thread along an imaginary glass wall*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's perfectly acceptable to turn someone down and you can have a myriad of reasons for doing so.

If someone asks why, you've choices as to what to say as the reason, and whatever reason you give you've choices how to phrase it and how to deliver the information.

In your post you say she became sour and aggressive after you'd turned her down and explained why on her further query, you then ask the question about what if the genders had been reversed and there had been pressuring against the other's will ...

My feedback: pressuring against someone's will and forcing them is wrong irrespective of genders -- you know that, we all know that.

You didn't state that's what she did though. You say she was sour and aggressive. We know you turned her down, we know you chose to be explicit as to the reason why when she asked why.

What we don't know is how you phrased it or delivered that information. I don't know if, quite frankly you were rude, offensive and the response you got next from her was warranted.

Even if you were wondrously tactful and sensitive and diplomatic to the extreme, it's going to hurt to hear and people don't always handle difficult feedback well, be the bigger person and allow for that...excuse the sizeist phrasing there...she possibly already has low self esteem about her size, is self critical about it and it may be a reason she misrepresented herself (equally it might not be) but really, can you not have a little compassion in the fact that whatever the scenario, she deemed you desirable and you didn't feel the same and you communicated it and you weren't compelled to do anything you didn't want to and it's done and you can let it be?

I'd say the same to any gender. You had the power in this situation, wield it with compassion.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Ok lets not get into the fat calling, it isn't pleasant so is telling a lie on your profile a wasting some one time why not be truthful,would you like to meet some one who tells lies i.v had it done to me it not funny "

They are two totally different things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's perfectly acceptable to turn someone down and you can have a myriad of reasons for doing so.

If someone asks why, you've choices as to what to say as the reason, and whatever reason you give you've choices how to phrase it and how to deliver the information.

My feedback: pressuring against someone's will and forcing them is wrong irrespective of genders -- you know that, we all know that.

You didn't state that's what she did though. You say she was sour and aggressive. We know you turned her down, we know you chose to be explicit as to the reason why when she asked why.

What we don't know is how you phrased it or delivered that information. I don't know if, quite frankly you were rude, offensive and the response you got next from her was warranted.

I'd say the same to any gender. You had the power in this situation, wield it with compassion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you not see pictures of her before you met? Can't just go on their description.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You did lack a bit of tact.

Personally I'd have given her a menu to browse and quietly slipped away while she was no doubt distracted

(and then blocked on here to be safe)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You did lack a bit of tact.

Personally I'd have given her a menu to browse and quietly slipped away while she was no doubt distracted

(and then blocked on here to be safe)"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you not see pictures of her before you met? Can't just go on their description. "

Some people don't sent recent pics either

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

"I think where you went wrong was you should have told her via the medium of mime.

And proceeded to act out what you told her.

Now THAT is how to let someone down.

Particularly if you was dressed as Marcel Marceau.

And obviously exited via moonwalking backwards with an imaginary umbrella pulling you in imaginary wind.

No?

Just me then!

Well we thought it was funny!! *miming our way out of the thread along an imaginary glass wall*"

i thought it was funny too, mimes often are.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"You did lack a bit of tact.

Personally I'd have given her a menu to browse and quietly slipped away while she was no doubt distracted

(and then blocked on here to be safe)"

I'm more soft hearted. I'd have got her a family sized bucket and double shake then done a runner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best not to mention 'family sized bucket'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just hope she is not getting hurt reading this forum post . Not everyone is big from eating to much .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just hope she is not getting hurt reading this forum post . Not everyone is big from eating to much ."

Agreed. The sizeist "banter" is pretty revolting.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"You're under no obligation to have sex with anyone you don't want to just because you met on here"

This

This is why I meet socially only first time

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I just hope she is not getting hurt reading this forum post . Not everyone is big from eating to much .

Agreed. The sizeist "banter" is pretty revolting."

Cheap jokes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's different for men and I sympathise with the OP... Some men, but certainly not all,

need to really fancy the woman be before they can get a hardon and perform.

Without their cock working sex is almost impossible and certainly embarrassing. It is far better to make an excuse and leave than to suffer an embarrassing failure.

In the end it is wrong to put stolen, doctored or old pictures on your profile. I always tell meets i am incredibly ugly and to bring two paper bags but oddly none seem to have any difficulty fucking me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby."

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 12/09/17 23:08:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at. "

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass."

McDonalds or KFC? Will she marry me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass."

Oh yes, gotcha. I guess I'm one. Sorry, not sorry that fat shaming isn't amusing to me. But you're entitled to think it's funny. And I'm entitled to think it's not, and we are both entitled to swing -- albeit probably not together

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass."

Ohhhh, you mean the people that turn a thread about what someone did into a laughathon about fat people and KFC buckets?

Shame on them

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I don't believe a word of it tbh, maybe she turned you down and you can't handle it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't believe a word of it tbh, maybe she turned you down and you can't handle it.

I don't believe it happened either. Apologies to those who feel it needs to be taken with the utmost seriousness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to realise that women are the weaker sex, not only pysically but also spiritually. We men can take critism on the chin because we adhere to truth and reason but women need it sugar coated even converted into a lie.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

Another skinny person who thinks they know everything about everyone else's body

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

Lets all get together for a few days. I will see if Stornaway light house is free next week.

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By *idalgo13Man
over a year ago

Near York

"I just hope she is not getting hurt reading this forum post . Not everyone is big from eating to much ."

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"You have to realise that women are the weaker sex, not only pysically but also spiritually. We men can take critism on the chin because we adhere to truth and reason but women need it sugar coated even converted into a lie. "

OMG another joker. That's total bullshit. Some women are like that, as are some men. But most of us can handle ourselves.

This would be a stupid site to be on if we couldn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

Another skinny person who thinks they know everything about everyone else's body

Another person on an anonymous forum who assumes they know everything about anonymous people on a forum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

You mistake me, I am directing my accusation of fat shaming to the jokes/banter that I don't believe are posted to be critical or debate issues of obesity but are there to get a cheap laugh and titillate. Yes, you were one such poster. I'm not angry or upset, just asserting my opinion that it's unnecessary, unhelpful and I find it unappealing. I also respect you've the right to post crass jokes, and haven't suggested you 'get another hobby'.

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

"Yes you were wrong to put her down like that. You should have just climbed out of the toilet window.......

j/k...what else could you do?"

I think he was at his home?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

Lets all get together for a few days. I will see if Stornaway light house is free next week."

No, cheers. I like to hang with people that I find funny

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

Lets all get together for a few days. I will see if Stornaway light house is free next week.

No, cheers. I like to hang with people that I find funny

Thak g for the word "with".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are not attracted to her it was right for you to say that. The conversation should have ended at that. Sadly she asked why, which led to you telling her why. She probably didn't need to know the precise reason. Some things people just don't need to know.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

You mistake me. I really would have offered her a large menu and then sneaked off

Good night all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh get a grip.

We all put ourselves up for rejection when we offer our bodies for sexual pleasure with others.

If you can't handle that, try a different hobby.

Who should be gripping?

Sorry, genuinely not sure who this is aimed at.

The bleeding hearts with a sense of humour bypass.

Well it's going off topic somewhat but in my opinion 'fatshaming' as a slur on those who criticise fat people in no way helps what is a very large problem (pun intended).

I wouldn't wish to swing with you, no. I'd happily debate life's great topics over a drink though

You mistake me. I really would have offered her a large menu and then sneaked off

Good night all

Oh I really didn't. I can totally believe you.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"You mistake me. I really would have offered her a large menu and then sneaked off

Good night all

Oh I really didn't. I can totally believe you.

Moi aussi

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think we will leave it there now

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