FabSwingers.com forum: Advice needed!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So guys my closest and most valued mate is a gay man. We've know each other since we were kids and treat each other like brothers, we have banter and most our family and friends joke we should get married. I've been seeing someone on/off for about 8 yrs she's a massive homophobe so therefore I've never introduced the two. Recently she's accused me of sleep with my mate or that "something" is going on (so far from the truth it's laughable) anyway recently he's dropped a big win online gambling and booked for the two of us to go see the northern lights. My female friend has told me that he's clearly in love with me and I'm too blind to see it. I've asked my brother and his wife what they think, my brother agrees with me his wife has sided with her. I've no doubt he loves me as a brother as I do him, or am I being blind? I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out and he'll stop being himself around me.

What do I do???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.

If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your missus sounds like a twat op

She's accusing you of cheating and being gay/bi

Oh and as you said, she's a massive homophobe......maybe time to switch the on/off switch to off

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By *orthernteaserWoman
over a year ago

Here

"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.

If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody"

Totally agree with this.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yea I thought so. Thanks

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I think most problems can be solved with a steak bake and a friendly smile

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin

"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.

If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody

Totally agree with this.

This

Having said that.... what happens on holiday, stays on holiday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This guy is your best mate OP. Your closeness should not sullied by small minds. What your friend is offering, is the holiday of a lifetime. I'll go if you don't

. In all seriousness though, you have to go with what's right for you. I believe that is to go. If your missus really had respect, she'd accept your friendship and not throw comments like that around, in an attempt to make you feel uncomfortable to be around him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This guy is your best mate OP. Your closeness should not sullied by small minds. What your friend is offering, is the holiday of a lifetime. I'll go if you don't

I'm using that argument

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

You've been in this on off relationship 8 years and they never met

Firstly I think you've created an air of mystery about your friend. She can't judge your relationship properly because you've never allowed them to meet, in 8 years??

Secondly it's very bizarre that you're open minded enough to have a gay friend yet will tolerate a homophobic...

And finally, why all the fuss. You call her your gf, come on here slating here, but you're the one on a swingers site going behind her back and despite labelling yourself straight, your recent verified meet is a TV.

If you can't do the right thing by her, set her free to meet someone that does respect her, then you won't have these silly dilemmas either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont ruin a wonderful friendship because others misunderstand it.His sexuality shouldnt come into it,hes your best mate,end of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Secondly it's very bizarre that you're open minded enough to have a gay friend yet will tolerate a homophobic...

I think the fact the Op can tolerate a overt homophobe as a gf says he!s very open minded tbh, from my view at least. Just because you're open minded doesn't mean you have to stand up for everyone else's rights unless you feel called to do that.

The fact you do tolerate such a ying and yang contrast with you stuck in the middle of your close relationships does possibly mean you're easily dominated by other people's views?... that's if you have never crossed your gf on her world views?... Or that you don't really have any real fixed views on what you believe is right or wrong?!.

Imo if you can't stand up for what you think is morally acceptable you will be forced to accept someone else's status quo... Emancipation comes from within else it isn't true freedom because you're not really self empowered if someone comes and frees you: that just makes you someone else's pet project.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Girls come and go, do you really want to loose a life time friend over a girl. That being said one of my best friends is a full blown lesbian but I won't change anything about our friendship just because I've got a gf. Plus I live in hope to get the too of them together while I watch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Girls come and go, do you really want to loose a life time friend over a girl. That being said one of my best friends is a full blown lesbian but I won't change anything about our friendship just because I've got a gf. Plus I live in hope to get the too of them together while I watch

Lol just as well you have imagination to take the edge off your patient wait lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your missus sounds like a twat op

She's accusing you of cheating and being gay/bi

Oh and as you said, she's a massive homophobe......maybe time to switch the on/off switch to off "

He IS cheating. He's on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to say it but sounds like she is the one with the problem if she can't handle it bin her as it will come to the point she will make you choose her or your friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Show her your fab profile, that will stop her from thinking your gay. She will get rid of you then, so problem solved. I wouldn't give time of day to a homophobic person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He loves you

. In a funny way he probably does, Ive got a friend I'd do anything for. I'd love to go away with him but and spend time with my best friend. We used to go camping together when I was younger. We don't get the time now.

We're allowed friends even if jealous/homophobic people would like it otherwise.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Tell her to grow the fuck up, Stand up to her.

Go on holiday with him. Maybe he does love you, I've got a mate I love to the ends of the earth.

Friends before anything else. If he is that good a friend and they haven't met after 8 years I would be questioning your allegiance to her anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You've been in this on off relationship 8 years and they never met

Firstly I think you've created an air of mystery about your friend. She can't judge your relationship properly because you've never allowed them to meet, in 8 years??

Secondly it's very bizarre that you're open minded enough to have a gay friend yet will tolerate a homophobic...

If you can't do the right thing by her, set her free to meet someone that does respect her, then you won't have these silly dilemmas either

I second this!!!

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"So guys my closest and most valued mate is a gay man. We've know each other since we were kids and treat each other like brothers, we have banter and most our family and friends joke we should get married. I've been seeing someone on/off for about 8 yrs she's a massive homophobe so therefore I've never introduced the two. Recently she's accused me of sleep with my mate or that "something" is going on (so far from the truth it's laughable) anyway recently he's dropped a big win online gambling and booked for the two of us to go see the northern lights. My female friend has told me that he's clearly in love with me and I'm too blind to see it. I've asked my brother and his wife what they think, my brother agrees with me his wife has sided with her. I've no doubt he loves me as a brother as I do him, or am I being blind? I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out and he'll stop being himself around me.

What do I do??? "

Dump the girlfriend x

It matters not if your friend loves you , he is your friend by mutual consent and with all relationships you have both made and accepted your boundaries

x however

Is your gf homophobic or jealous?

If she is homophobic dump her , just not a nice perspective to hold with regards her fellow humans

If she has no real issue with other gay people then understanding why she is jealous may help

Either way she does not sound so nice

I met a lovely lady

however her racism was intolerable for me and I moved on

Trite and hate filled comments do nothing to seduce me x

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

If your friend is gay why doesn't he take one of his gay friends on his holiday ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In fairness something has been going on recently, you joined a swingers site 3 mths ago and apparently have met a TV. She may be slightly off the mark but she's not wrong.

I agree with you on the should you go question, because I don't think you should damage your friendship with your best mate for a homophobe on /off partner I'm assuming things aren't perfect with because you're here without her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do I do??? "

As an outsider looking in...OP you've actually created this yourself. First and foremost you have not been honest about yourself and what you really want. You've created an air of mystery with your girlfriend (as mentioned) with regards to your best mate and 8 years of this has just meant that it's been gathering momentum and now you're at an avalanche stage. The best policy is honesty. Remember you are number 1 in this life. Look inwardly at what you want first and then adjust everything else accordingly. The problem doesn't lie with others but yourself. Wishing you well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In fairness something has been going on recently, you joined a swingers site 3 mths ago and apparently have met a TV. She may be slightly off the mark but she's not wrong.

Agree with this, although haven't checked OP's profile. Reading between the lines OP's post feels like it's a start of someone coming out to me, hope that doesn't offend!

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By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago

Hartlepool

'scuse me i havent read the whole of this thread - yet - hot topic.

first impression, your gay mate is the one twisting the knife [on himself] - if that's the question, and there *is* a knife being twisted by someone....

As for are you being un-fair to anyone?

again, your gay mate just has this hard lesson to learn - so long as you recognise if he is getting *too* distressed and you take measures to address issues.

Surely any gay man worth his salt, learns to move on

-either that or he's prepared to sacrifice a real-relationship, for an imagined-one with you

-or he's sorted and would be chuckling if he knew you were knickers-twisted like this...

-as for you...: see me afterwards, lol, im more than happy that men want what they want, when they want it... jog on, stay happy xxx

.....right, who have i offended now....

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By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago

Hartlepool

[Removed by poster at 10/09/17 08:26:45]

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By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago

Hartlepool

"[Removed by poster at 10/09/17 08:26:45]"

.....awwwww, MisterBee, that is so sweet

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By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago

Hartlepool

and this

"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.

If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody

Totally agree with this. "

This

Having said that.... what happens on holiday, stays on holiday

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By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago

Hartlepool

i'll stop after this...

you said the bit about where she told you..

... that he's clearly in love with you ...

- well so what - and if you're blind, then surely we're all guilty of missing other's sensitivities, somewhere down the line

... you also said:

I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out...

This is such a lovely thing to hear a straight man say. That is all 3 3

go with it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go on the trip and see what happens. If you do end up with your mate it sounds the perfect relationship as you are such good mates.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Show her your fab profile, that will stop her from thinking your gay. She will get rid of you then, so problem solved. I wouldn't give time of day to a homophobic person. "

Homophobes, liars, people that are disrespectful to their partners - all distasteful.

Yet having a gay friend suddenly makes one a hero. Only on fab

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do what you want to do. Stop trying to recruit support from family members and internet strangers and make your mind up. Its only fair to all those involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't question your friendship OP. Go on the trip.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

other people are so insecure whilst you and your mate are happy with your relationship - i have had a girl mate in the past - we did everything together for about 8 years - lived together and people talked about us but we were simply the closest of friends -

go and let your friend share his good luck with you and have a blast watching those amazing lights

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys

Her husband

Lol lol lol

Oh my that's class. Very very honourable of you OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go on holiday, enjoy yourself. It sounds likes you're better off without her, OP!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys

Wait man you didn't say she had a husband. What the fuck you worrying about it she ain't your bloody wife?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She's been a good friend and we worked closely together for years

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

[Removed by poster at 10/09/17 21:35:15]

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys

So you get a holiday and lose a massive homophobe. Sounds like win/win to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do I do??? "

Carry on being his best mate, he's always been gay, you've always been his mate all that has changed is that you both know he's gay now. Sexuality is personal, friendship is friendship.

Give him a hug then go for a beer and talk about your memories and have a good laugh!

He will be there for you when you need support, friends support each other irrelevant of sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well that's a massive drip feed! So she's got a husband too but wants to deprive you of a relationship that's important to you? Hmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.

If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody"

This! I'm a straight guy with a gay friend, and i know what crap he puts up with.

Go on yr hols with him.

Plus, i'd dump that homophobic girlfriend. She sounds bollocks.. Sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys

Wait man you didn't say she had a husband. What the fuck you worrying about it she ain't your bloody wife?"

Fuckin hell mate, pack ya winter gear and hit the hols with yer mate and dump her.

Life long friends are more important than a homophobic shit like her

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Go on holiday with your friend - you can't cure someone else's stupidity.

You know with a close friend if you're platonic and there's no hidden agenda. Close friends are like gold dust - but much more valuable - and I'd invest into those relationships above most others.

The days of assuming gay men want any man are long behind us. Let bigots stew in their own thoughts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.

If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody"

Definitely this & I've read all the comments which seem to be going off track somewhat!

I guess you'll know instinctively what to do. Go with your gut feeling x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/09/17 06:28:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well that was a rollercoaster of a thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 10/09/17 08:26:45]

.....awwwww, MisterBee, that is so sweet

I know. I'm a big softy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"She's been a good friend and we worked closely together for years

Then treat her as such.

There's obviously way more to this than you're telling us here, but then there always is. The majority seem ready to condemn her from the little you've told us and I think that's massively unfair.

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