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The Ten Commandments

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

In Exodus 20:1-17 Jehovah announces to the Israelites that he has 10 commandments they should obey. After this the Israelites asked Moses to talk to Jehovah about them. During this discussion Jehovah pronounced around 40 commandments, including the prior 10. Later in Exodus 24:12 Jehovah tells Moses to come up a mountain and receive two stone tablets with the commandments on. Upon his return Moses saw the Israelites had started worshipping other gods in his absence so he smashed the tablets in a fit of rage. Obviously a bit tired of having to procure these slabs, Jehovah then asked Moses to make some more, bring them back up the mountain, and recarve them. He did this and finally brought them back down.

I'd love to ask people what they think these 10 commandments were. But I fear a simple Google would soon end my teasing. So here are those final 10 commandments Moses carved in stone and placed in the ark of the covenant.

1) Thou shalt worship no other god

2) Thou shalt make thee no molten gods

3) The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep

4) All the firstborn of thy sons thou shalt redeem

5) On the seventh day thou shalt rest

6) Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks

7) Thrice in the year shall all your menchildren appear before the Lord God

8) Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven

9) The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the Lord thy God

10) Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk

So there you go. Thought that might help all you hedonists sleep easier

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

It's official too, Jehovah had lots of witnesses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

11. Thou shalst not shit on thoust own doorstep. Lest it turns round and bites thou on the arse

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Thanks for sharing

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

guess who's commandments these are?

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

No means no

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff


"guess who's commandments these are?

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

"

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"guess who's commandments these are?

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

"

I like LaVey they sound, chat go far wrong in life following those

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"guess who's commandments these are?

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

"

Yea I think I'm going to go with these

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

I think I'm being followed

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ironically, in Exodus 37:1 these ten commandments were placed in the ark of the covenant... a beautiful gold covered chest with sculptures of two Cherubim beaten out of molten gold mounted on top of it.

Thereby proving that men not only can't be bothered to read more than a few sentences into anyone's profile on Fab but couldn't even be bothered to read beyond the first commandment to the second "Thou shalt make thee no molten gods"

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

These commandments sit better with us , so thanks for enlightening us .

We can now continue our outrageous hedonistic lifestyle in the knowledge that we haven't broken any of the Ten Commandments

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Search you tube for clips of the late Christopher Hitchens discussing the 10 Commandments. There is one in particular titled Thou Shalt Watch This Video,it suggests 10 commandments for our time.I find it interesting,hope everyone else does too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We can now continue our outrageous hedonistic lifestyle in the knowledge that we haven't broken any of the Ten Commandments "

Sung in a single pitch followed by "Ahh-men" (which, incidentally, is the name of an Egyptian god and therefore flouts the first commandment lol)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about thou shall suck cock?

My priest always told me that was the first commandment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them."

Well that's most of the forum fucked then

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