FabSwingers.com forum: The crap joke thread

By *illnat OP Man
over a year ago

wherever i need to be

Just for a laugh post your worst here;

Four nuns are in line to go into heaven. God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. She says, "Well, I've seen a penis." So God puts holy water on her eyes and lets her enter. He asks the second nun the same thing and she says, "I've held a penis," so he puts holy water on her hands and lets her enter. Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that. The 4th nun replies, "Well, I need to gargle it before she sits in it."

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By *ake5176Man
over a year ago

City

I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.

So I tried a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.

Then I tried a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Eventually I got hold of a tin whistle, and now I can whistle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked, "Did you hear something?" "No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my ass sure hurts like hell!"

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By *illnat OP Man
over a year ago

wherever i need to be

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!!!"

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

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By *rchie_pMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

There were two Nuns sitting on a park Bench when suddenly a flasher runs past them, one has a stroke the other wasnt quick enough

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss.

Bu Bum

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wat do you call a tired dinosaur?

A dinosnore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guy says to his friend do you like the new pound coin.

He's says No. To be honest I don't like change

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By *rchie_pMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Dwarf, little, microspocic, elf, tiny........

Sorry mate. Just making small talk !!!

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By *rchie_pMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I couldn't just ask out the brick-layers daughter........

I had to build up to it !!! lol

Ok im done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a dog with no legs

Nothing he won't come to you.

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy goes to be shown round a durex factory for a job interview .. he sees in the first week a guy alone with a durex .. then went to another room with a male and female vigorously have sex then another room an orgy .. a week later the guy gets the job and is taken to a room with a durex on the table .. a bit miffed the guy sighs.. the boss said .. well the first week you have to work a week in hand

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By *rjimMan
over a year ago

nr bristol

I don't eat sweet normally.

I stand on my head in the sink !

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

Horse walks into a bar

Barman says "why the long face"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a donkey with three legs ?

A wonky

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

There are some great one's just popped up from the fringe festival.

I am not a fan of the new pound coin,

But then I have never liked change.

The inventor of the umbrella was going to call it a brella but he hesitated....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Mexican dwarf?

A paragraph, cause he's too short to be an essay

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"What do you call a Mexican dwarf?

A paragraph, cause he's too short to be an essay "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a Mexican dwarf?

A paragraph, cause he's too short to be an essay "

What did the Mexican say when his homework blew out the window?

Hey where you go essay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

They lactose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Mexican tried to sell me carpet once, well at least that's what I think

He jus kept shouting underlay underlay at me

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

"What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face."

Wrong thread....pissing myself reading that!

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By *attooedman11Man
over a year ago

glasgow

If I had 2 fish I would call them one and two so if one died I would still have two

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum said that I'd never be able to build a car out of spaghetti...

Should of seen her face when i drove pasta!

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

Had a date at 8pm with a lovely paraplegic girl.

She then rang to say she couldnt make it as she was running late.

I thought it was a very lame excuse.

So i just went to the bar & got legless.

Good for the goose - good for the gander.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend??

Wiped his arse!!!

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By *illnat OP Man
over a year ago

wherever i need to be

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton

What do you call a girl with 1 tooth oneater

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the toilet tissue cross the road?

It was stuck in a crack

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two pregnant Irish women knitting... one says to the other. "I'm hoping for a girl, I'm knitting pink. What are you hoping for?" Other replies... " a spastic I've fucked the arms up" haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, this morning I had to go to the sperm bank to donate.

The nurse asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

Now, I know I'm good at it but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really hate these new pound coins.....

I don't like change....

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

"I really hate these new pound coins.....

I don't like change...."

Most folk soon come round to the change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

They lactose.

Hahahahhaaaaa!

Why does Noddy have bells on his hat?

because he's a cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the cannibal say after eating a clown?

"That tasted Funny "

OK I'll get my coat

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.

So I tried a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.

Then I tried a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Eventually I got hold of a tin whistle, and now I can whistle.

Hello you

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By *0shades 2000Man
over a year ago

coleraine

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug

Ba doom doom boosh

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex

What do you call a nose with no body

Nobody nose

Ha ha got that one from Cortana the Microsoft voice lady

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

"So, this morning I had to go to the sperm bank to donate.

The nurse asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

Now, I know I'm good at it but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

Thats hilarious.

You should go for it.

Just give it your best shot.

Make sure to arrive on time as you get disqualified for cumming late.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"So, this morning I had to go to the sperm bank to donate.

The nurse asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

Now, I know I'm good at it but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

Haha

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"I really hate these new pound coins.....

I don't like change...."

That's the third time I've read this 'joke' on here

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

fsh

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By *rof. Brian cocksMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I went to the zoo the other day. It was rubbish, all they had was 1 dog. It was a shi tzu.

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

"I really hate these new pound coins.....

I don't like change....

That's the third time I've read this 'joke' on here

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

fsh "

Yes those pound coin jokes are going round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the caretaker say when he jumped out the cupboard

Supplies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get after 5 days of wanking? A weak end

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.

Edinburgh fringe 2017

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer"

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By *kissors1971Man
over a year ago

GREAT YARMOUTH

What's brown and sticky....?

A Stick...

Boom boom

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By *illnat OP Man
over a year ago

wherever i need to be

Who's the coolest guy in hospital? The Ultra sound bloke.

I'll get ma coat!

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