FabSwingers.com forum: Kids at funerals

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

An extended family member passed away in the last week and it got me thinking - do you think young children should attend funerals ? If not at what age would you say it's appropriate ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on the individual child and the closeness of their affiliation with the deceased.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on if they understand what's happening and how they can cope with it, and their level of maturity. ie my young daughter has more of an awareness of the world around here than her older brother due to his autism. Just really depends on the individual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they can sit still and be quiet then it's OK, if not keep them away!

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

When my brothers father in law passed away they let my nephew go to the funeral, he was about 9 at the time but he desperately wanted to go to say good bye to his grandad, they all lived together so he had already seen him deteriorate with cancer and he didn't want to be left out of saying goodbye.

A parent knows their child best, if you think they can understand what is happening and you think they can handle the emotions of the occasion then yes they should probably go.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"An extended family member passed away in the last week and it got me thinking - do you think young children should attend funerals ? If not at what age would you say it's appropriate ? "

I hate funerals they are just another way of taking money off the vunerable...and I don't think that anyone should be expected to attend one (except the deceased).

I would suggest that children should only be at a funeral when that are mature enough to choose for themselves.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's hard isn't it? I only asked as the guy who's died has 2 children who are both attending - one a teenager and one is two. I wasn't sure about the two year old ( not that my opinion matters it just got me thinking )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I very recently attended my 86 yr old uncles cremation

A sparsely attended no frills humanist service where we celebrated his eccentricities with jokes kind words and we left the crematorium laughing ....

People deal with death in different ways, but there is no right way or wrong way .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents kept me away from my cousins funeral when i were 7. They said its not good to see everyone crying. Looking back tho i wish i could as i loved him dearly! X

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I doubt the 2 year old would understand what was going on, and might disturb others. However I think its important for children older than toddlerhood to understand death and funerals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/08/17 19:08:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I doubt the 2 year old would understand what was going on, and might disturb others. However I think its important for children older than toddlerhood to understand death and funerals."
forgive me X

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By *unkym34Man
over a year ago

London

"An extended family member passed away in the last week and it got me thinking - do you think young children should attend funerals ? If not at what age would you say it's appropriate ? "
somthing very close to me recently. My opinion if under 10 then no not somthing a child has to go through over 10 then let them decide they are forming their own opinions by then but just be prepared for very difficult convorsations leading up to dureing and after. But take it from me threse will upset you as much as they do them and it's s bloody learning curve for all involved. However there is no wrong or write answer to this question each to every child is different,

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By *unkym34Man
over a year ago

London

Oh and they will say or do somthing embarrassing at some stage but you'll think it's bloody halirous. Not everyone does. The child I refer to did somthing so funny my whole family actually was in tears i mean roll up laughing tears but people over 60 was not happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mix of most these answers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say 5+ as long as they aren't little shits.

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By *unkym34Man
over a year ago

London

"When my brothers father in law passed away they let my nephew go to the funeral, he was about 9 at the time but he desperately wanted to go to say good bye to his grandad, they all lived together so he had already seen him deteriorate with cancer and he didn't want to be left out of saying goodbye.

A parent knows their child best, if you think they can understand what is happening and you think they can handle the emotions of the occasion then yes they should probably go."
yes now here is what I was saying in my post and very much agree with, do be prepared though as children are and very rightly so incusitive so about 4 weeks later they will suddenly have lots of questions

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By *ancyYumCouple
over a year ago

READING

Agree with Cal. Most funerals are depressing, rather than a celebration of life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agree with Cal. Most funerals are depressing, rather than a celebration of life."

And teach valuable lessons. Granny, Mum or Mr Twinkles might not be around forever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there is a specific age. I think it depends on a number of factors. How close the child is to the deceased; will the child act appropriately in the situation (by not throwing a tantrum, etc.); how will that specific child react emotionally to the situation; etc.

I think most children are fine above the age of 4, but it really depends on the child.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Agree with Cal. Most funerals are depressing, rather than a celebration of life.

And teach valuable lessons. Granny, Mum or Mr Twinkles might not be around forever."

There is no necessity to subject a young child to a funeral for them to understand the concept of death.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agree with Cal. Most funerals are depressing, rather than a celebration of life.

And teach valuable lessons. Granny, Mum or Mr Twinkles might not be around forever.

There is no necessity to subject a young child to a funeral for them to understand the concept of death.

Nita

It's all part of a process I didn't create.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes - its a part of life is death -

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By *mojeeCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline

My youngest lad was at my dad's funeral last year. He was only 11 but wanted to say goodbye to his grandad so I let him come along.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter was 7 when my dad died. She was very close to him, grandads favourite. I did not make her go, she had a choice and chose to go. Do I think she made the right choice, do I think I was a bad parent for letting her go at such a young age? No I don't think they was bad choices. She is 26 now and she says she made the right choice in going. At 7 she needed to say her personal, final goodbye to him. But I suppose there is no right or wrong choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"An extended family member passed away in the last week and it got me thinking - do you think young children should attend funerals ? If not at what age would you say it's appropriate ? "

I think it depends on each individual.. then as a group as a whole. Kids should be encouraged and allowed to go.. not judged for not going.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both of mine have been to a few funerals. There's no need to wrap them in cotton wool. My youngest was 2 at the first one they went to. They didn't cause any dramas and the other family members have always liked having them there. They have taken it in their stride and I don't think anyone has suffered because of them being there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So Hindus do funerals slightly differently when my dad passed away my daughters were 5 years old myself and my ex decided it wasnt a good idea for them to attend as ut involved an open casket and myself having to perform last rights.

However we made sure they were at the other ceremonies and when we put ashes into the river so they could at least get some comprehension of what was going on

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

It does depend on the child and how close they were to the deceased. If a child is old enough to remember the person when they grow up they should definitely go if they want to.

It's a toughie in this case because it is a parent who has died.

Not all funerals are sad and sombre affairs. When my grandad died we were cracking jokes as they carried him in. He was a double amputee and I said "the guys down that end have got and easy job today!"

It couldn't have been more appropriate as it was just the kind of joke he would have made himself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think kids should learn about life at a appropriate level for their age and I've yet been to a funeral that includes content they shouldn't be exposed to. Generally the ones I have been to have been about celebrating and remembering, and if parents explain it at the right level I don't see the problem. It also comes down to the child. Are they very sensitive? Likely to cause unwelcome chaos?

Ours has been to funerals aged 2 and 5, perfectly behaved at both, sat near the back so we could sneak out if we were likely to be a distraction but didn't need to. We prepped in advance, tried to prempt awkward questions and had no issues.

I might have a skewed perspective as I wasn't allowed to one of my grandparents funerals aged 10, felt like I never got to say goodbye. I also have a friend who went to an open casket funeral aged 8 , she wanted to go and she felt she saw her relative at peace.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It should depend upon the child and the relationship, as well as the child's guardians/parents imo. If it's helpful for the child. It's potentially a good thing.

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