FabSwingers.com forum: Catfishing question from a man

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is catfishing when you contact another person.. pretending to be someone else - to see how they are behind your back?

In all my chats and sexts.. exclusivity is rarely mentioned.. till you realise your beginning to fancy each other a bit.

Would it put you off if a man was having conversations with a few women at one time.. being the same with them as he is with you?

I get wierd conversations that don't quite feel.. normal.. and sometimes roll with them to see what happens..

I don't think I like the idea of someone spying on me like that, not one bit.

If it's a bigger thing than I think.. how and at what point is it generally considered to declare your exclusivity arrangements without coming across an arrogant tool?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Honestly I don't know. I'm shit at that kind of thing. I would imagine if you want exclusive you ask the question. Nobody's liked me enough for that so I've never had to deal with it.

But yeah, it does bother me if I like someone a lot. I just figure if they want to see me exclusively they'll say. I just have to remind myself they're their own person and know what they want, no matter how much I may want it to be different. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I just assume they are talking to others. Im not here to be exclusive to anyone and i dont expect them to be to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just assume they are talking to others. Im not here to be exclusive to anyone and i dont expect them to be to me. "

Ok.. that's a start

Thanks. I hope things continue that way.

I'm not a slag.. It's not numbers I'm after.. it's the right 1.. but she's rare and hard to find. And everyone I meet is so tempting..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there such a thing as exclusivity on a swingers site??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Catfishjng is when someone pretends to be who they arent and fabricate a whole persona. A middle aged, greasy old perve pretending to be a young girl, a middle aged woman pretending to be a young girl, a girl pretending to be a boy and vice versa. Not specifically to spy on people, people have different reasons for doing it. I don't think many would disagree with me for saying usually they arent happy with themselves.

I can imagine there's lots on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The first I heard about cat fishing was the movie which then turned into the MTV series. The catfish is someone who uses someone else's pictures and passes them off as their own. Aim is mainy things, to collect pictures from people or just to dupe them and troll them.

What you're describing, someone you know pretending to be someone else to get information from you or on you is bordering on crazy or slightly stalkerish.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I just assume they are talking to others. Im not here to be exclusive to anyone and i dont expect them to be to me.

Ok.. that's a start

Thanks. I hope things continue that way.

I'm not a slag.. It's not numbers I'm after.. it's the right 1.. but she's rare and hard to find. And everyone I meet is so tempting.. "
do you mean meet or chat to. I kind of understand this exclusive fuck buddy thing everyone seems to want. But surely they dont chat exclusively to one person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone was trying to big me up and make out i was special etc and then i found out they were keeping their options open then yeah i'd be pissed off.

But i wouldn't set up another profile to spy on someone. I'd just back off whether i had reason to or not. Self defence mechanism kicks off. My mum calls it cutting off my nose to spite my face.

Go with your instinct i suppose OP?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I thought catfishing was when you contact someone pretending to be someone else with the intention of deceiving them into a remote, romantic relationship. Like the woman who pretended she was a man to get involved on line with another woman.

I would assume anyone we talked to on here was talking to other people in a similar way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for the messaging other people the same way unless you're in a relationship of some sort with them I think it's safe to assume they will be.

A lot of guys struggle with that and get jealous. I'd suggest if that cap fits that you're on the wrong site

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Is there such a thing as exclusivity on a swingers site??

Yeah, course there is. It's about open communication and honesty. Discussions about what's acceptable within the partnership on whatever level that partnership may be. There's always the option of playing together with others.

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By *appy squirrelWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

I talk to different people on here and expect the same from others. exclusive is generally not on the cards for a very long time if ever- and I guess you get a feeling for it if the other person what's something different from what you are after.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I expect my lovers to have other partners. It would concern and may even put me off if they didn't.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As for the messaging other people the same way unless you're in a relationship of some sort with them I think it's safe to assume they will be.

A lot of guys struggle with that and get jealous. I'd suggest if that cap fits that you're on the wrong site

No not at all.. I don't care if they're messaging or shagging other guys. it's how they are with me that counts.. I don't like the idea of being deceived is all. And occasionally my gut screams foul play.. like I'm being led down a path

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I thought catfishing was when you contact someone pretending to be someone else with the intention of deceiving them into a remote, romantic relationship. Like the woman who pretended she was a man to get involved on line with another woman.

I would assume anyone we talked to on here was talking to other people in a similar way."

I wasn't sure.. which is why I'm asking.. so thanks for clearing that up. Feeling more reassured now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Catfishing is basically leading someone on with a fake profile. They can either contact you. Or you can contact them.

I don't assume someone is only chatting me, because I'm not only chatting to them.

As for your question on exclusivity. It should never be assumed by male or females that that is the case, until it's been discussed and agreed by both parties.

If you feel that someone is becoming a little more attached than you are, that's when you broach what you are seeking.

Or just ask them what they are looking for at the beginning. So it gives you the opportunity to to reply your wants, without looking like an arrogant tool

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Do you mean like they are honey trapping you. Like trying to catch you out

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"As for the messaging other people the same way unless you're in a relationship of some sort with them I think it's safe to assume they will be.

A lot of guys struggle with that and get jealous. I'd suggest if that cap fits that you're on the wrong site

If they are people you know that's stalking, not catfishing. Both exist on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I expect my lovers to have other partners. It would concern and may even put me off if they didn't.

Mrs"

Me too... I'd start thinking exclusivity the moment those other conversations disappear and I focus on the one person for an extended period... but even now.. i dont know if id want the exclusivity still.. itd depend on us i guess.

On Fab it's not much of a concern really. It's more PoF I suspect of foul play deception messages..

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Catfishing is one an individual sets out to lure someone into a relationship under false pretenses so yes it is a form of spying on you!

As for how we would feel...we are not naive enough to think this is a one chat kind of thing...we expect a single man to be talking to others...what we do expect is to have a unique conversation away from sex because that would happen if we meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into. "

I agree with this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Catfishing is basically leading someone on with a fake profile. They can either contact you. Or you can contact them.

I don't assume someone is only chatting me, because I'm not only chatting to them.

As for your question on exclusivity. It should never be assumed by male or females that that is the case, until it's been discussed and agreed by both parties.

If you feel that someone is becoming a little more attached than you are, that's when you broach what you are seeking.

Or just ask them what they are looking for at the beginning. So it gives you the opportunity to to reply your wants, without looking like an arrogant tool

If I'd known all that a few days ago eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Catfishing is basically leading someone on with a fake profile. They can either contact you. Or you can contact them.

I don't assume someone is only chatting me, because I'm not only chatting to them.

As for your question on exclusivity. It should never be assumed by male or females that that is the case, until it's been discussed and agreed by both parties.

If you feel that someone is becoming a little more attached than you are, that's when you broach what you are seeking.

Or just ask them what they are looking for at the beginning. So it gives you the opportunity to to reply your wants, without looking like an arrogant tool

If I'd known all that a few days ago eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is catfishing when you contact another person.. pretending to be someone else - to see how they are behind your back?

In all my chats and sexts.. exclusivity is rarely mentioned.. till you realise your beginning to fancy each other a bit.

Would it put you off if a man was having conversations with a few women at one time.. being the same with them as he is with you?

I get wierd conversations that don't quite feel.. normal.. and sometimes roll with them to see what happens..

I don't think I like the idea of someone spying on me like that, not one bit.

If it's a bigger thing than I think.. how and at what point is it generally considered to declare your exclusivity arrangements without coming across an arrogant tool?"
their aliens or ur just paranoid mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into. "

Same here. And it's usually the bloke i shouldn't have invested in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

I agree with this

I do too.. but it depends on the strength of their personality, how I feel and what I know about their views on exclusivity.. for example

If I was fortunate enough to ever get chatting with the two of you.. and say you made it clear.. you were open to the idea of relationships and or exclusivity.. and MissWilkes was the opposite..

I'd not let myself get too emotionally attached to her.. I'd keep it bubbling right where it needed to be for me to see her.

But for you.. I may start to allow my guard to drop a little and begin to fall...

Then I'd think I'd be at the exclusivity question you so perfectly dealt with.. Comparability time.

I'm a little unsure as it's all relatively new to me again. and times change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

Same here. And it's usually the bloke i shouldn't have invested in. "

Yep I know dem feels!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

I agree with this

I do too.. but it depends on the strength of their personality, how I feel and what I know about their views on exclusivity.. for example

If I was fortunate enough to ever get chatting with the two of you.. and say you made it clear.. you were open to the idea of relationships and or exclusivity.. and MissWilkes was the opposite..

I'd not let myself get too emotionally attached to her.. I'd keep it bubbling right where it needed to be for me to see her.

But for you.. I may start to allow my guard to drop a little and begin to fall...

Then I'd think I'd be at the exclusivity question you so perfectly dealt with.. Comparability time.

I'm a little unsure as it's all relatively new to me again. and times change."

Yeah but on that token angel could be telling you she wants exclusivity because she knows that's what you want to hear and I could be keeping my cards to my chest because I'm waiting to see how things pan out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

I agree with this

I do too.. but it depends on the strength of their personality, how I feel and what I know about their views on exclusivity.. for example

If I was fortunate enough to ever get chatting with the two of you.. and say you made it clear.. you were open to the idea of relationships and or exclusivity.. and MissWilkes was the opposite..

I'd not let myself get too emotionally attached to her.. I'd keep it bubbling right where it needed to be for me to see her.

But for you.. I may start to allow my guard to drop a little and begin to fall...

Then I'd think I'd be at the exclusivity question you so perfectly dealt with.. Comparability time.

I'm a little unsure as it's all relatively new to me again. and times change."

Well I've made it clear to those I chat to, that although they would get exclusivity from me. It would be unfair for me to expect the same from them, given my lack of free time.

I think if I was chatting to someone who who seemed like they were developing feelings for someone else though. I would have to back off. Because although I don't expect exclusivity, I do expect a little more attention, if I was giving them most of my attention.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

I agree with this

I do too.. but it depends on the strength of their personality, how I feel and what I know about their views on exclusivity.. for example

If I was fortunate enough to ever get chatting with the two of you.. and say you made it clear.. you were open to the idea of relationships and or exclusivity.. and MissWilkes was the opposite..

I'd not let myself get too emotionally attached to her.. I'd keep it bubbling right where it needed to be for me to see her.

But for you.. I may start to allow my guard to drop a little and begin to fall...

Then I'd think I'd be at the exclusivity question you so perfectly dealt with.. Comparability time.

I'm a little unsure as it's all relatively new to me again. and times change.

Ahh that's a good point.. Fuck I'm doomed! I've fucked up a few times I think. I don't like raising the subject one on one if I'm honest.. I prefer to just roll with how I'm feeling. But in the same breath.. I don't want to upset anyone.. or go through any unnessercary pain myself so.. I overcompensate I think.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

I agree with this

I do too.. but it depends on the strength of their personality, how I feel and what I know about their views on exclusivity.. for example

If I was fortunate enough to ever get chatting with the two of you.. and say you made it clear.. you were open to the idea of relationships and or exclusivity.. and MissWilkes was the opposite..

I'd not let myself get too emotionally attached to her.. I'd keep it bubbling right where it needed to be for me to see her.

But for you.. I may start to allow my guard to drop a little and begin to fall...

Then I'd think I'd be at the exclusivity question you so perfectly dealt with.. Comparability time.

I'm a little unsure as it's all relatively new to me again. and times change.

It's all just one big mind fuck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

I agree with this

I do too.. but it depends on the strength of their personality, how I feel and what I know about their views on exclusivity.. for example

If I was fortunate enough to ever get chatting with the two of you.. and say you made it clear.. you were open to the idea of relationships and or exclusivity.. and MissWilkes was the opposite..

I'd not let myself get too emotionally attached to her.. I'd keep it bubbling right where it needed to be for me to see her.

But for you.. I may start to allow my guard to drop a little and begin to fall...

Then I'd think I'd be at the exclusivity question you so perfectly dealt with.. Comparability time.

I'm a little unsure as it's all relatively new to me again. and times change.

Well I've made it clear to those I chat to, that although they would get exclusivity from me. It would be unfair for me to expect the same from them, given my lack of free time.

That all makes perfect sense.. I wish everyone made things as clear as that. Us singles have our own unique issues eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I expect my lovers to have other partners. It would concern and may even put me off if they didn't.

Mrs"

I'm the same as this. I get a bit freaked if they don't have others they chat to and meet. I've got one significant other I don't want another one!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for everyone's explanation on Catfishing.. btw. Another word for the mental thesaurus. I forgot to say..

The original question was primarily about PoF.. where the exclusivity thing may not be as readily accepted.. so changes my likelihood of being catfished or not.

Should I come off it? Or at which point am I meant to admit to being a swinger.. Some convos can get emotionally deep.. before sex chatter even starts. My only goal is the same as it is here.. meet nice people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My problem is I can't spread my love, maybe not love but attention. Like if I was speaking to 5 guys there would be one that stood out, there's always one I invest more of myself into.

I agree with this

I do too.. but it depends on the strength of their personality, how I feel and what I know about their views on exclusivity.. for example

If I was fortunate enough to ever get chatting with the two of you.. and say you made it clear.. you were open to the idea of relationships and or exclusivity.. and MissWilkes was the opposite..

I'd not let myself get too emotionally attached to her.. I'd keep it bubbling right where it needed to be for me to see her.

But for you.. I may start to allow my guard to drop a little and begin to fall...

Then I'd think I'd be at the exclusivity question you so perfectly dealt with.. Comparability time.

I'm a little unsure as it's all relatively new to me again. and times change.

Well I've made it clear to those I chat to, that although they would get exclusivity from me. It would be unfair for me to expect the same from them, given my lack of free time.

That all makes perfect sense.. I wish everyone made things as clear as that. Us singles have our own unique issues eh?"

Very true. Just try not to over analyze things, or you'll be like a dog chasing his own tail.

You need to just enjoy the flow as much as you can and try not to obsess and worry that you may hurt someone. We are all capable of being hurt or hurting others. But the risks are sometimes worth it