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By *lem-H-Fandango OP   Man
over a year ago

salisbury

So some years ago my sister died. I've not been back to her grave since then. Probably for some deep seated guilt thing... but any who, i would like to go today. What am i supposed to take and do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So some years ago my sister died. I've not been back to her grave since then. Probably for some deep seated guilt thing... but any who, i would like to go today. What am i supposed to take and do?"

I've never done anything like this..

But listening to you.. I think all that's important is that you go ..

Don't worry about why, or what to do.. just go.. it'll make sense after.

sorry

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

.

Obviously its up to you what to take, But fresh flowers or something personal to the both of you, Some basic gardening tools to tidy up the grave if its required

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I take flowers for the grave. And I don't really do anything as such. Just spend time thinking about our time together and not really thinking at all. I tried the talking aloud thing but didn't feel comfortable with that.

I hope you find what you're comfortable with doing.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP   Man
over a year ago

salisbury

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

When I visit my Mums I wear sunglasses to hide the tears. I'll stay and have a chat for 10 minutes, tell her what's been happening. Maybe play a song off my phone and leave a small bunch of flowers.

Plastic ones work just as well OP.

Good Luck OP. Enjoy the peace and quiet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't visit graves or resting places, but if you feel that you need to go, just go

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister, Clem.

You don't have to take anything, or do anything. It's ok to just be there. If you feel you want to do something, let it happen. You will know if it is right.

Consider yourself hugged xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So some years ago my sister died. I've not been back to her grave since then. Probably for some deep seated guilt thing... but any who, i would like to go today. What am i supposed to take and do?"

Take flowers if you'd like but you don't have to. As for do, what is it you want to get out of visiting the grave. Sometimes just physically seeing it can help the grieving process. Or you might want to talk to her and tell her everything that's been going on in your life, or your problems.

There isn't any set thing to do, it's whatever you feel like, and if it's just stand/sit and cry that's ok. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So some years ago my sister died. I've not been back to her grave since then. Probably for some deep seated guilt thing... but any who, i would like to go today. What am i supposed to take and do?"

There are no rules, you take what you want to take and do what you want to do. You could just sit and reflect, you could talk to her, you could just pay your respects and leave. Don't plan it, just go and do what feels right to you. Maybe take some flowers. Good luck

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville


"When I visit my Mums I wear sunglasses to hide the tears. I'll stay and have a chat for 10 minutes, tell her what's been happening. Maybe play a song off my phone and leave a small bunch of flowers.

Plastic ones work just as well OP.

Good Luck OP. Enjoy the peace and quiet"

Some churchyards or cemetaries do not allow plastic flowers...so may be worth checking..

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By *ob198XaMan
over a year ago

teleford

So sorry to hear of your loss. Don't think there is any right or wrong thing, everyone handles loss in a different way. I know folk that visit relatives graves with fresh flowers every week, some who only visit on special occasions and others that never go near. Just do what feels right to you. Maybe bring along a close friend to support you, you can always ask them to wait nearby if you want some time to yourself.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP   Man
over a year ago

salisbury


"So sorry to hear of your loss. Don't think there is any right or wrong thing, everyone handles loss in a different way. I know folk that visit relatives graves with fresh flowers every week, some who only visit on special occasions and others that never go near. Just do what feels right to you. Maybe bring along a close friend to support you, you can always ask them to wait nearby if you want some time to yourself."

Thanks, I'll be taking the wife and kids with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Flowers

a container to put them in

water...for the flowers

You

Your thoughts and memories

And sorry for your loss

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP   Man
over a year ago

salisbury


"Flowers

a container to put them in

water...for the flowers

You

Your thoughts and memories

And sorry for your loss

"

Are flowers just flowers? Are there inappropriate flowers?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Flowers

a container to put them in

water...for the flowers

You

Your thoughts and memories

And sorry for your loss

Are flowers just flowers? Are there inappropriate flowers? "

Did your sister have a favourite flower? A bunch of those would be nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Flowers

a container to put them in

water...for the flowers

You

Your thoughts and memories

And sorry for your loss

Are flowers just flowers? Are there inappropriate flowers? "

The flowers are optional.

Sometimes just to go to be there and to remember is all you need to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Flowers

a container to put them in

water...for the flowers

You

Your thoughts and memories

And sorry for your loss

Are flowers just flowers? Are there inappropriate flowers? "

I have put artificial flowers on my late husbands grave. I don't like to go there too often as it wasn't a happy marriage. I found if I took real flowers I was fretting about them wilting and being dead on the grave and having to go back and take them off. I take some wet wipes when I go now to clean the headstone off. If I am taking my daughter who has learning difficulties, we take a personal item of hers to leave there. XXX

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

When i go to my mum and dads grave,i take flowers and just have a chat with them,tell them all about whats happenibg etc.

Do whatever you feel right doing,I think its individual to us.

Sorry about your sis x

Miss

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

Awww clem, just sending hugs, just go along and sit, it'll come to you, if you don't feel comfortable then don't feel bad, it's not everyone's cup of tea visiting graves, it's not disrespectful or wrong, everyone has different ways of remembering, I go to our favourite ice cream shop and have my brothers fave ice cream when I want to feel close to him, will be thinking of you clemxxxx Mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Whatever you want. If flowers aren't your thing or you think she wouldn't have liked or appreciated them don't take them. If you feel you should take them to appease others don't take them.

You know the dynamic between you and your sister so take or do things true to that.

Sit and talk, sit and say nothing, cry, laugh, scream.... It's your time there.

If it's the first visit it may feel awkward but do it for you, no one else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents are in the same graveyard but seperate graves, I take little hand tools for general tidying and cleaning stuff for the headstones,fresh flowers on both graves too. I'll sit and chat for 10 minutes with both, but as others have said before me there is no right and wrong, do whatever feels right for you my friend and good luck with it.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

With all the above about just sitting there and getting your thoughts together etc..

you will know for how long and what it is you want to 'say', even if that's not spoken..

take a bottle of water and some cleaning stuff, spruce up the plot perhaps..

hope it goes well..

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"So some years ago my sister died. I've not been back to her grave since then. Probably for some deep seated guilt thing... but any who, i would like to go today. What am i supposed to take and do?

There are no rules, you take what you want to take and do what you want to do. You could just sit and reflect, you could talk to her, you could just pay your respects and leave. Don't plan it, just go and do what feels right to you. Maybe take some flowers. Good luck "

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"So some years ago my sister died. I've not been back to her grave since then. Probably for some deep seated guilt thing... but any who, i would like to go today. What am i supposed to take and do?"

Simply just go

No right or wrong

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By *inxy777Woman
over a year ago

essex

Flowers if you want, I spend the time reflecting x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been asked to say 'thank you everyone for your supportive comments, much appreciated'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some good responses here. There's not much more I can add.

Only you will know how you feel when you get there. Grief is a very subjective thing. Each person finds their own path, either with or without help.

All the best xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I go to my grans grave I actually sit on her spot with my back leaning against her stone and have a fag with her like I would've done if she was still here. Only now I puff on my pipe (vape)

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

id go with the purpose of seeing what i would want to do and take next time..gives you a purpose to go, no pressure on the moment..go and see.

its a practical approach but thats what i did with my nan, she died when i was four, i wasnt allowed at the funeral and only visited by myself when i was 28, but i found a lot of peace in it.

i hope you feel connected to her there and make peace with not going before.

hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/08/17 14:13:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been asked to say 'thank you everyone for your supportive comments, much appreciated'. "

Hope you're ok Clem.

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

Only take yourself along

With you, you will have your thoughts and memories of your time with her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh! I missed this thread earlier.

I hope your visit gave you comfort. It can be hard to visit resting places. I go every year I'm in NY to my grandparents grave on St. Patrick's day. I say hi to them and my father (who was cremated at that graveyard). I don't bring anything - I just imagine I'm visiting them and telling them about how things are and chat.

I hope it brought you some comfort to go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been asked to say 'thank you everyone for your supportive comments, much appreciated'. "

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By *hesexpeopleCouple
over a year ago

s wales

Sorry to read this, I hope your visit went well.

Sometimes I go and take flowers, I have found that artificial flowers work best for me as seeing dead flowers or no flowers on the grave upset me the next visit. I also keep cleaning wipes in my car handy for when I visit to give it a once over, although sometimes I'll just call up there quickly just to tell her about something that's happened in my day that I would usually have rung her straight away to tell her.

There isn't a right way, there's only the best way that works for you xx

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