FabSwingers.com forum: Bereavement

By *annyLovesLynne OP Man
over a year ago

carlisle glasgow

I lost my parter I am struggling coping without her

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

When did this happen?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

That's understandable and profoundly sad.

There are places you can go for help in coping. The Samaritans are always there and the bereavement charity Cruse has helped many people.

I hope you can find the support you need.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Dude you need to get yourself some help on this your doing yourself no favours

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By *annyLovesLynne OP Man
over a year ago

carlisle glasgow

Was was not on this no Lynne never had the internet we used to partner swap but this was about 20 years ago now she died 15 years ago on the 27th April worse day of my life it never gets any easier

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've removed posts. The guy is asking for help not comments on his profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was was not on this no Lynne never had the internet we used to partner swap but this was about 20 years ago now she died 15 years ago on the 27th April worse day of my life it never gets any easier"

I'm really sorry to hear that lovely. Did you ever get any bereavement counselling? Cruise are really good.

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By *annyLovesLynne OP Man
over a year ago

carlisle glasgow

"Was was not on this no Lynne never had the internet we used to partner swap but this was about 20 years ago now she died 15 years ago on the 27th April worse day of my life it never gets any easier

I'm really sorry to hear that lovely. Did you ever get any bereavement counselling? Cruise are really good. "

no I have never been into that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was was not on this no Lynne never had the internet we used to partner swap but this was about 20 years ago now she died 15 years ago on the 27th April worse day of my life it never gets any easier

I'm really sorry to hear that lovely. Did you ever get any bereavement counselling? Cruise are really good.

no I have never been into that "

Is there anybody impartial you could speak to, just to unload your feelings, with no judgement. It may sound difficult to do. But it really does help with the grieving process.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It's a good idea to talk to someone who knows more about this than us.

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By *annyLovesLynne OP Man
over a year ago

carlisle glasgow

I've never got over losing her never gets any easier I can chat to the kids but they have their own families now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seek impatial help from somewhere xx

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"Was was not on this no Lynne never had the internet we used to partner swap but this was about 20 years ago now she died 15 years ago on the 27th April worse day of my life it never gets any easier

I'm really sorry to hear that lovely. Did you ever get any bereavement counselling? Cruise are really good.

no I have never been into that "

After 15 years of trying to come to terms with what is obviously a huge loss and understandably so is it not time you did. It has to be better than anything we could do for you. Please don't think I'm having a dig as nothing could be further from the truth. After suffering a huge loss myself I know how it feels and what your trying to do but this isn't the way. I wish you luck.....

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By *annyLovesLynne OP Man
over a year ago

carlisle glasgow

I've just been drinking a lot to cope recently and it helps at the time but always ends with me arguing with the kids about it well they are not kids now the youngest is 19 but you know what I mean

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Hi, im a widow myself (2 years this October). I think for varying reasons my recovery has been okay. Responsibility of a teenager mostly.

I would strongly suggest reading how long it's been and coupled with the other thread I saw you start recently about drinking, that you need to grab the bull by the horns and seek help. Sadly when you lose a partner at a young age, there is a real lack of proper understanding from the usual peer groups in society, because most don't know.

I really think you need to see your GP before this gets any worse. Good luck

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By *annyLovesLynne OP Man
over a year ago

carlisle glasgow

I've occupied myself with the kids I brought up her 4 kids and our son but they have all left home now I am finding it hard

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"I've occupied myself with the kids I brought up her 4 kids and our son but they have all left home now I am finding it hard"

I see. That's hard for you. What I found was that after the funeral and life went on, those around me seemed to think , or at least reacted like everything was okay 6 months later. Erm well no. Then came the endless conversations comparing loss.

"Yes I know how you feel, my friends brothers hamster passed away last week" used to drive me crazy.

Losing a partner is a terrible thing, now the kids have gone, no doubt you're experiencing a whole new loneliness.

Go see your GP, you might be surprised what they can offer

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

15 yrs is a long time, i agree it might be good to get some help.

i think most people, myself included, have good intentions but don't know how to handle grief of other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Consider bereavement counselling. I lost someone close this year. It hit me hard and took months to overcome. Not as close as a partner so I can barely imagine how you feel.

Hugs at such a sad time x

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I've heard that Cruse is good. Take time OP and get some counselling.

Hope you feel better soon x

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By *annyLovesLynne OP Man
over a year ago

carlisle glasgow

I just miss her a lot and just the past few weeks been struggling

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

I can't add anything more to what has already been said, other than please consider yourself hugged xxx

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By *0shades 2000Man
over a year ago

coleraine

OP sounds like you are going through a really tough time ATM and I hope you pull through it... but it sounds to be like you could do with talking to someone about it that knows more about it than is people really hope you better soon pal

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I just miss her a lot and just the past few weeks been struggling "

I think those of us who have read your posts understand that.

Please consider some of the suggestions that have been made here if you feel ready and able.

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

You've brought up the kids and no doubt done your partner proud....seems like you are long overdue some 'me time.'

Fab....despite some great advice, is not the answer! I am sure your GP would be understanding in referring you to counselling, it may not solve anything but it is a start.... I think it was Gibran who said 'the deeper the wound, the more the capacity to love.'

It may seem harsh, but you have to face your hurt, for yourself and kids sake and then...life may get better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make an appointment with your go.

But stop the drinking.

Alcohol is a depressant so it us making you feel much much worse.

Ring the Samaritans

They listen but don't judge.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

It's never to late to get help for anything that you struggle with. Do it for yourself, your kids and their kids if and when they have any.

I think now you don't have to think about your children so much your thinking about your partner more. It must be really tough. 15 years is a long time to have been without someone you loved. Remember the good times you spent together but look after yourself to x

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton

Thoughts are with you. I have no experience of bereavement but I did used to drink more than was healthy. It didn't make me feel good about myself nor anyone or anything.

As others have said: whilst we all no doubt empathise please speak to your GP and get some professional help.

Best of luck chap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've just been drinking a lot to cope recently and it helps at the time but always ends with me arguing with the kids about it well they are not kids now the youngest is 19 but you know what I mean "

Please dont go down that road. My dad hit the bottle after my mum died and he lasted 2 and a half years til it killed him. Seek help now before you get too deep into it. There are a multitude of support groups available. Maybe you could talk to the kids to share your feelings. After all, they went through it as well. I wish you well and hope you find peace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know how hard it is to lose someone close.

I have said this before so has everyone who posts to you OP

This will kill you or destroy you.

You clearly cannot do this alone.

Neither fab or the bottle are a solution.

I also know you will not hear this no matter what anyone says to you.

But for your own sake stop take a breath walk into a doctor's a hospital talk to Samaritan or just one thing to change this cycle.

No one here can help you... you need professional help. Find it before it has to come and find you

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

You have several options.

Speak to your GP. They can organise Counselling so its impartial. Or you can be referred to organisations like CRUSE, who I know from personal experience. They did wonders for a friend of mine who lost her husband a few years ago.

Or see the local hospital, speak to The Samaritans.

Yes, that step will be scary, but get help as as fast as possible.

Only you can make that step, to reach out. But like a lot of Men, they bottle up their insecurities and reckon "I'll sort out myself", that's what men do.

Once you can make that step, you start winning!

Good Luck!

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By *hinypants77Man
over a year ago

Leeds

"I lost my parter I am struggling coping without her"

That's a tough fucked up situation. Life can throw some fucking bricks at times. Keep her strength with you.

Speak to professionasl. There are people that can help. Stay strong. Make her proud. X

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By *i-cambsMan
over a year ago

March

Berevement is hard. I celebrate my lovelly mums birthday rather than the aniversary of her death. Just think of the happy times matey. The sad times will wane. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know how hard it is to lose someone close.

I have said this before so has everyone who posts to you OP

This will kill you or destroy you.

You clearly cannot do this alone.

Neither fab or the bottle are a solution.

I also know you will not hear this no matter what anyone says to you.

But for your own sake stop take a breath walk into a doctor's a hospital talk to Samaritan or just one thing to change this cycle.

No one here can help you... you need professional help. Find it before it has to come and find you "

Perfectly put.

OP although grief has no time limit, 15 years is a long time for it still to be so raw and painful for you. I can only think that perhaps other factors are contributing to your mood. The answer is not in a bottle and you owe it to yourself and your family to seek assistance. I wish you well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You had no time to grieve you had to be dad now the kids have left the grief has come back and bit you on the assumption and you need real help speak to your GP and your family there is no shame in asking for help mind is a fantastic organisation too but please first call Monday morning urgent app with GP x

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By *i-cambsMan
over a year ago

March

Totally agree gia. Very well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think 15 years is pretty solid proof that you need professional help.

It's awkward as fck, I know - but it's time to man-up, dude.

Good luck to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mean on friends when you have to, that's what they are there for..

Seek counselling and support from outside agencies and remember that you've come so far my friend.

I too have been in your position, my wife was only 40 when she passed away. You are not alone friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its such a sad thing to go through - i lost a partner a few years ago - took the grief councelling that was offered etc - talk to the gp and take the help thats available - but eventually you have to get your mind round it and have two choices - stay put or move on - that might sound harsh but its tough love - your partner would not want your life to go on hold - imagine if it was the other way around - i dont mean it to sound awful and im typing in a rush as im off to work so apologise if it does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a widow myself of 4 and half years, I,d say get some professional help, even if it's just someone to chat to about your feelings and memories. The brain can play tricks on you when someone close to you dies. And the bereavement process can go on for a very long time.It can be even worse if you actually see the person die or if you have nursed the person or seen them unwell and suffering in their final days. My mind is still fked up currently and I struggle with day to day stuff and have a feeling of frustration with life. I don't think it ever goes away, we just learn to live with it. I find society's reaction to death unhelpful, if you mention your widower/widow status people are embarrassed ect and don't know what to say. I hope you can find some peace OP XXX

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

It sounds like you have focused on the kids growing up and put yourself last, now you find yourself in a place where you have to start dealing with it but have compounded it for so long Its now a case of where to start healing yourself.

Take time away from here, take time away from social media and please stop drinking... All of these impact on your dopamine and give feeling of gratification which will only slow any healing process.

Please contact Mind, they can start putting you in touch with people. Your G.P can also help with medication to help balance you out and again put you in touch with the right help.

If you are having negative thoughts...by that i am talking self harm or the worse case you can find your local mental health crisis teams online. They have a lot of experience and can offer help over the phone.

Please OP, take it steady.

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