FabSwingers.com forum: Feelings for someone in a relationship.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm probably gonna get judged for this but ya know. Kiss my arse.

Okay so there's been someone I've been talking to for months and we've met twice. He's in a relationship etc. He started flirting with me a while back and I wasn't interested. Then started up again and this time for some reason I've flirted back.

First time we met was at cinema 2 weeks ago then he came to mine 2 days later and done stuff but not sex.

I like him, a fucking lot. And apparently he feels the same way but won't end things with his gf.

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh.

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Walk away... It's the thrill of the chase and the whole "naughtiness" for him. You profess your feeling and insist he dumps his girlfriend, he will be gone. He won't dump her but wants his cake and not only eat it, but wants a sparkly candle on the top!

And yes, as you know from your OP, you shouldn't be having anything to do with someone in a relationship!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes walk away (which i know will be fucking hard).

Has he told you he has no intention of ending things with her? X

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Hi op

If you cant cope with the relationship bit,then i would say to cut ties with him.it appears he wants his cake and eat it too.

Miss

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By *loppsyWoman
over a year ago

marlow

Walk away x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I woukd walk away from him

He has already said that he will not break his relationship off

Sorry but if you continue to see this guy you will only end up getting hurt

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Walk away... It's the thrill of the chase and the whole "naughtiness" for him. You profess your feeling and insist he dumps his girlfriend, he will be gone. He won't dump her but wants his cake and not only eat it, but wants a sparkly candle on the top!

And yes, as you know from your OP, you shouldn't be having anything to do with someone in a relationship!"

I usually don't go anywhere near anyone if they're in a relationship, but he knows I'm vunerable atm so maybe been playing on that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't just walk away! Run! You deserve better than that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm probably gonna get judged for this but ya know. Kiss my arse.

First time we met was at cinema 2 weeks ago then he came to mine 2 days later and done stuff but not sex.

I like him, a fucking lot. And apparently he feels the same way but won't end things with his gf.

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh."

Ok no judging but, he's clearly said he's not going to give his girlfriend up. So can you cope with the jealousy, and the backlash If she finds out. Can you be the other woman who gets snippets of his time and the excuses if he can't get away. That is the decision x

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

He is not being fair to you so walk away would be my advice ..if he wants you he'll end his relationship and come calling ..at the moment he doesnt need to do anything and wont aslong as he has you dangling on a string

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shag him first

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Shag him first"

Why?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm probably gonna get judged for this but ya know. Kiss my arse.

First time we met was at cinema 2 weeks ago then he came to mine 2 days later and done stuff but not sex.

I like him, a fucking lot. And apparently he feels the same way but won't end things with his gf.

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh.

That's what it's like atm. It does annoy me...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"He is not being fair to you so walk away would be my advice ..if he wants you he'll end his relationship and come calling ..at the moment he doesnt need to do anything and wont aslong as he has you dangling on a string

True.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't just walk away! Run! You deserve better than that! "

I do and thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The more you spend time with him, flirt with him etc the stronger your feelings will get. He won't leave his girlfriend so try and forget about him. His girlfriend is the innocent party here too so try and put yourself in her situation and how you'd feel if someone was trying to shag your boyfriend, I know he's being a dick head by cheating but don't bring that sort of bad karma on yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have fun being his side piece. You know you want to. You're on a swingers site that promotes degenerative sexual activities. Fuck it. You're not breaking the terms and conditions of his relationship, he is.

Have your fun then dump.his arse when it gets old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shag him first

Why?!"

May as well get something out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shag him first

Why?!

May as well get something out of it. "

Preach my brother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk away. If it were the other way around and you found out your partner cheated on you how would you feel.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Well here's the thing , if you stay you'll get the crumbs . The odd meet when he can get away from his partner , and that'll be shit because he will feel guilty . You will also feel bad about being the other woman .

You will wonder why you aren't seen as good enough for him to end it with her , your self esteem will drop , and no doubt he will expect you to not see anyone else while you're in this relationship with him .

So it's obvious what you ought to do isn't it ?

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton

And yes, as you know from your OP, you shouldn't be having anything to do with someone in a relationship!

I usually don't go anywhere near anyone if they're in a relationship, but he knows I'm vunerable atm so maybe been playing on that..."

Classy guy. Divest yourself and find someone who wants to be with you because YOU and not an for an ego stroke or spicy sex in the side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could say from experience walk away, but i didn't last year when i got involved with my best friend of 10 years, we just ended up spending more and more time together as friends and more drink nights and meals and we got close to the fact we both fell for each other. we decided to stop and keep as friends but 6 months on its still hard to go back platonic.

BUT

You are an adult, so the other person is so its not all on you.

If you decide to go for it, just keep your wits about you and trust your gut feelings and dont let him treat you like shit x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Walk away. If it were the other way around and you found out your partner cheated on you how would you feel."

Been there.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Nsa is nsa. Your feelings for him are a string. Nuff said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And yes, as you know from your OP, you shouldn't be having anything to do with someone in a relationship!"

What these guys said

wise words of wisdom

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By *iceHungWakefieldMan
over a year ago

there is a clue somewhere

Wait a minute.. this is not a "dating site" is it?

if you like him .fuck him. if you want a Partner, your looking in the wrong place.

least the bloke is been upfront.

you sound like a nice girl. my advice?

use this site for Fun. and the other dating site for potential partner.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He's not on this site btw.

I need to see him face to face to end what's going on because I know what we're doing is wrong. Maybe because he's the first person to show me any attention and I loved it.

But I deserve better than second best.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wait a minute.. this is not a "dating site" is it?

if you like him .fuck him. if you want a Partner, your looking in the wrong place.

least the bloke is been upfront.

you sound like a nice girl. my advice?

use this site for Fun. and the other dating site for potential partner.

As I've mentioned above. Did I say it was? Hmm? This site is how I deemed fit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ruuuuuuuuun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you know exactly why he's on your case. Sounds unpleasant, from a guy's perspective that's all.

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By *iceHungWakefieldMan
over a year ago

there is a clue somewhere

you really don't need anyone's advice. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm probably gonna get judged for this but ya know. Kiss my arse.

First time we met was at cinema 2 weeks ago then he came to mine 2 days later and done stuff but not sex.

I like him, a fucking lot. And apparently he feels the same way but won't end things with his gf.

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh."

You have amswered your own question by saying he wont emd things with his gf

He just wants to have his cake and be able to eat it

He and people like him (girls like this as well) are not worth the oxogen it takes to tell them to fuck off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one thing.

If he has done it with you he may have done it before so be under no illusion you are his 1st or maybe wont be his last

a cheat will always be one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't walk away.... Run. There's a strong chance it will only end in pain.

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By *ndyandMandyCouple
over a year ago

swansea

Ok. Just a suggestion.

Manage a trois.

Is she bi are you bi .

Share him ???

I always look out of the box

Andy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk away. Guys who cheat on their girlfriends wife whatever get a kick out of doing it. I guarantee you wouldn't be half as appealing to him if he was single and if he did ever choose to leave his partner for you could you honestly ever trust a cheat? Believe me for guys like that the thrill is in the chase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh."

To OP clearly.

Right so something happened to us recently that made me rethink again about this stuff.

A potentially great play partner admitted he wasn't single before meeting. Before anyone asks, We've explained our position and are no longer willing to play at all, and he respects this.

Seemed like a lovely guy tbh, but obviously he'll be villified for being here without her knowledge, and that's to be expected.

However, the reasons he gave we're very understandable, even if we don't agree with his actions. He explained that his relationship lacked just one great aspect, sexual thrill and excitement. He said he's floated the idea of swinging with his gf, and she flat out wants nothing to do with it, and that he's too interested to not try without her.

So I sooorrta see his point. Everything else is there for him with her, she's fun, makes him laugh, smile and be happy, im assuming she's attractive and he feels like he loves the girl. But deep down, on the sex level, she's not fulfilling his apparent wants / needs. Now where I don't like this is based on my own experiences.

I've dated a fair few girls in my time, and sometimes the sex was good, and sometimes it wasn't, sometimes I said I loved them and meant it, sometimes I didn't ever say it (I've never lied about loving someone).

But I've also cheated in the past when I wwas still a little bit more immature, because I couldn't keep my wants under control very well, and never felt fulfilled somehow. I ended up subconsciously seeking other women, a lot like what I'd imagine this guy who spoke to us is doing now, and possibly the guy talking to you.

I eventually figured out why though, and it was all about compatibility.

All of these girls I'd been seeing had seemed awesomee, and fulfilled around 80-90% if what I was looking for. I knew there was just something missing, but you don't hit on 19 do you?

That is, until you realise what 21 looks like. I didn't even know what was even missing until I actually found it either.

What I'd been after the whole time that was just someone who had all of those earlier things I found attractive, but also thought a lot like me on how I view love and relationships in general in regards to sex.

To me, love isn't pretending you'll never look at another person and have a naughty urge, be it biological or otherwise, to want to sleep with them. Sex to me was fun, it was a hobby almost, and I loved being able to be open and have as much fun as possible.

That didn't mean I needed a mug who'd let me sleep around though, it meant I needed someone who would want to be exactly the same with me and follow her own urges too, and hopefully find some fun to be had in each others desires.

Someone who would treat me more like a best friend, be there for each other through thick and thin, someone who'd make me laugh, someone to be an idiot with and someone who I could always be open and speak my mind with about my own naughty sexy side, and who would never hold her tongue about hers either. Do you get mad when your best friend gets laid? No you, ask if it was fun and to give you the juice details and have fun talking to someone on the same wavelength about it all.

Since I've found that, I'm muuuuuuch happier, even though swinging wasn't something we just dived head first into and we've continued to tread lightly, figuring out what we want together, and being cool with each other when we cross a line and just discussing it like adults. We've become a better couple because of it.

The guy your seeing could be what all these girls say and have his cake and eat it, he could just be a fuckboy who wants to fuck about as much as possible, or he may just be afraid to hit on that 19 he has at home. If he's unwilling to do that though, he may never actually be happy.

My advice, leave this one, at least for now, and continue looking for what you want. He might just grow up one day, but it's likely not now, especially if you're fulfilling the role she's not, and you may end up being to preoccupied to spot your own 21 if it crosses your path.

**For those wondering 19 and 21 are blackjack references.**

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"one thing.

If he has done it with you he may have done it before so be under no illusion you are his 1st or maybe wont be his last

a cheat will always be one

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And yes, as you know from your OP, you shouldn't be having anything to do with someone in a relationship!

I usually don't go anywhere near anyone if they're in a relationship, but he knows I'm vunerable atm so maybe been playing on that..."

In other words, he neither respects you nor his girlfriend, is that all you think you're worth?

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

OP if he knows you are vulnerable and is trying to take advantage of that he is a twat, dump him and find someone more worthy of you.

If you just want sex there is certainly no shortage of guys on here who will be happy to oblige.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't know the level of entanglement with current girlfriend, but lots of lasting relationships do have messy origins.

If you want to explore possibilities of a future with him, but at the same time protect yourself, then just tell him to call you if he ends up single, then put some space between you before your feelings get too strong to make rational decisions.

Good luck

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

If I were you I'd be looking to meet other guys on here and be flirting outrageously with the guy you mention. But only if you can handle the fact he has a gf he has no intention of leaving. Put your feelings in a box and have fun!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I were you I'd be looking to meet other guys on here and be flirting outrageously with the guy you mention. But only if you can handle the fact he has a gf he has no intention of leaving. Put your feelings in a box and have fun!

Sorry No i disagree.

that means leading him on with flirting.

personally keeping feelings in a box doesnt always work as they do spill out

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"The more you spend time with him, flirt with him etc the stronger your feelings will get. He won't leave his girlfriend so try and forget about him. His girlfriend is the innocent party here too so try and put yourself in her situation and how you'd feel if someone was trying to shag your boyfriend, I know he's being a dick head by cheating but don't bring that sort of bad karma on yourself. "

Yup this. It's not worth getting involved with someone who's heart already belongs to someone else, run, before you get any deeper!

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"He's not on this site btw.

I need to see him face to face to end what's going on because I know what we're doing is wrong. Maybe because he's the first person to show me any attention and I loved it.

But I deserve better than second best. "

You've said it yourself. If you can't be number one, why should you be number two. You deserve better.

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Walk away now before you get in too deep. I was besotted with an attached man for two and a half years. They never leave, why would they when they've the comfort of a relationship and the fun of an affair?

And that's why I won't see cheaters. Heartache was too much and the deceit destroyed my self esteem. You're worth more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk away and don't look back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand people who cheat but wouldn't want to leave the other half

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you answered your own question...why would you want to be second best?

If it's just a shag well do it...

But it sounds far more important to you than it does to him.

The longer it goes on like that the one guarantee is you will be the person who gets hurt.

Walk ...no run away OP...you are worth more...

But then what do I know...usually I suggest people just folloe their heart...but in your case could you handle it being broken?

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I'm probably gonna get judged for this but ya know. Kiss my arse.

First time we met was at cinema 2 weeks ago then he came to mine 2 days later and done stuff but not sex.

I like him, a fucking lot. And apparently he feels the same way but won't end things with his gf.

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh."

I'm not going to judge you.

Walk away as he is someone else's and everyone will end up getting hurt the longer this goes on.

If it's ment to be it will happen when everything can be in the open.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't settle for being second best and scraps of his time when he can get away. Do you really want to always be the one waiting around knowing that he goes back to another life of which you're unlikely to ever be a part? I wasted the best part of 4 years on someone like that who professed to love me. It's not worth it and you can do better.

Hold your head high and walk away x

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm probably gonna get judged for this but ya know. Kiss my arse.

First time we met was at cinema 2 weeks ago then he came to mine 2 days later and done stuff but not sex.

I like him, a fucking lot. And apparently he feels the same way but won't end things with his gf.

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh."

What's the alternative to walking away? Do you want that alternative?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

Most the time they will be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ended things with him. I walked away.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

Most the time they will be. "

No. Not really. People cheat because of situations.

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By *rueone71Man
over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

Have you walked away yet??...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's fucking with your head now then just imagine the head fucks you'll be getting in a few months when you've invested more time and feelings into it.

Affairs play havoc with self esteem, you could end up wasting months, even years of your life on what? Unrequited love? Passion? Years that could have been spent with a man who loves you, values you, puts you first and doesn't treat you like a sordid little secret.

If it has the makings of being a great big love affair then fine, do what you have to do. If it's just a means to an end of him dipping his wick then you deserve better than that.

But ultimately it's your life. Your decision.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

That's very brave, well done for doing the best thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

Indeed. Its not always that straightforward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

Most the time they will be.

No. Not really. People cheat because of situations.

"
not always. Some cheat because they need to.

To op.. do what is right for you

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By *rueone71Man
over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

Well done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm probably gonna get judged for this but ya know. Kiss my arse.

First time we met was at cinema 2 weeks ago then he came to mine 2 days later and done stuff but not sex.

I like him, a fucking lot. And apparently he feels the same way but won't end things with his gf.

Do I just walk away? It's fucking with my head tbh."

Say he ends it. You start a relationship. He dumps you because his bit on the side insisted?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

Most the time they will be.

No. Not really. People cheat because of situations.

not always. Some cheat because they need to.

To op.. do what is right for you"

They 'need to' kay...

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

Good on ya

Stay strong. You'll look back with no regrets.

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

Well done you, very brave. You will feel better for it eventually. I find meeting up with some hotties from here always makes me feel ten feet tall and able to face a lot of stuff head on xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

Most the time they will be.

No. Not really. People cheat because of situations.

not always. Some cheat because they need to.

To op.. do what is right for you

They 'need to' kay..."

I had a rant about this earlier.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

Good for you! Now you can get on with having some fun on here!

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"He's not on this site btw.

I need to see him face to face to end what's going on because I know what we're doing is wrong. Maybe because he's the first person to show me any attention and I loved it.

But I deserve better than second best. "

I think you have answered your own question here. Everyone deserves being better than being the bit on the side.

Good luck!

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

Just catching up on thread - apologies.

Well done, I think you've done the best thing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Familiarity breeds contempt, my darling.

I'd stay with him until he bores you and you can't stand him. It's only a matter of time.

Then walking away is a relief.

Don't be noble and end things because it's 'right'. Use him the way he's probably using you. Be selfish. It's called damage limitation.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

But you fucked him first, right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ended things with him. I walked away.

But you fucked him first, right?"

Just to see if he was good or not lol

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Ended things with him. I walked away.

But you fucked him first, right?

Just to see if he was good or not lol"

That's why she walked away. He only lasted 2 minutes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lol no I didn't get a chance to fuck him.

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By *iss InnocenceWoman
over a year ago

Coventry/Bristol

From personal experience walk away,it never ends well,only 2% do

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I kind of look at things like this in the terms of are you swinging or looking for a relationship, that way it makes the decision easier, well in my world.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Lol no I didn't get a chance to fuck him. "

Oh i see. He couldn't get it up.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Walk before you get more involved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op. Sit down and have a think. Do you think his actions are to benifit him

more than it does you, do you think he's doing it for both of you? Is there a balance or all one sided.

Have a think, about what you want out of it too.

Answer those questions and you'll decide what to do.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Definitely walk away, why allow him to have you as a bit the side?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He's usually not my usual type. But something about him makes me tick ha. Maybe I'm just a horny cunt that has an itch to scratch

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By *imetoexplore69Couple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

If you don't mind being used for sex then crack on but if it's a relationship you are wanting then Its most likely you will be disappointed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely walk away, why allow him to have you as a bit the side?"

This

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

OP - You the same as last night?

Told him it's over and walked away?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP - You the same as last night?

Told him it's over and walked away?"

Yep.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"OP - You the same as last night?

Told him it's over and walked away?

Yep."

Good. Get on with your life

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

And yes, as you know from your OP, you shouldn't be having anything to do with someone in a relationship!

I usually don't go anywhere near anyone if they're in a relationship, but he knows I'm vunerable atm so maybe been playing on that..."

You're vulnerable. He's in a relationship he's not going to leave. How does your current situation help you, as I can't see any advantage.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Ended things with him. I walked away."

Sounds like the best thing. You were on the road to more pain, you knew it too. Onwards and upwards now!

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Love when people say a cheat will always be a cheat

Absolutely, it could be that they are still looking for the right person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk away if he is in a relationship and on here in my opinion says a lot about his character and if he was going to leave his gf for u he would have done it already. Sounds like he wants best of both worlds. My opinion only obv u know him better than anyone off here

. Hope what ever road you go down you don't get hurt x

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