FabSwingers.com forum: Basic courtesy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

First ever post, and starting with a rant...

Why are basic elements of courtesy so lacking on here? Do people have great courage hiding behind their keyboard or, has society since abandoned basic courtesy?

Here's how I roll. Create a search. Place those that are of interest to me on my hotlist. Send a polite message (no crudeness) as basic introduction, and include a face picture. In my PS I ask for reply, even if it's no thanks. Then I wait...

I can see when the message is read. If it is read, and deleted, straight away (no reply) then I add them to my block list. That way, I don't see them in a search and I don't bother them again.

Yesterday, this happened and I went to block the person only to find I had already been blocked by them! I get we all have a type, but really, would a "no thanks" have been too much?

Dave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cool rant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In short; yes it is too much to ask IMO.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read the FAQ's

It'll save you an awful lot of angst.

You've been a victim of previous cockwomble activity where guys in the past have abused people that have rejected them. So those people save themselves the hassle by deleting and blocking guys they have no interest in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some don't grasp the concept of a polite 'no thanks'

However some don't grasp the concept of no thanks and continue to pester with questions such as 'why not... just meet me and you'll change your mind... yada yada"

Personally I think a polite turn down is sufficient. And polite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chill bro

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By *art123Man
over a year ago

Stoke

Whilst there are decent gents like us on here, I can only assume the larger percentage of single guys are abbusive sex starved nobs... but we get tarnished with this brush!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately I think there are too many idiots on here. I just had a reply saying I was rude. When basically I made a polite introduction. I've been on here for a few years, at the beginning it was great, but it's going downhill I fear!

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By *uteness69Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

Poor you.

How awful.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Ahh an interesting fresh subject never brought up before.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"First ever post, and starting with a rant...

Why are basic elements of courtesy so lacking on here? Do people have great courage hiding behind their keyboard or, has society since abandoned basic courtesy?

I can see when the message is read. If it is read, and deleted, straight away (no reply) then I add them to my block list. That way, I don't see them in a search and I don't bother them again.

Yesterday, this happened and I went to block the person only to find I had already been blocked by them! I get we all have a type, but really, would a "no thanks" have been too much?

Dave"

Let me see if I've understood this right OP - your gripe appears to be that the person you were about to block was doing exactly the same thing as you (i.e. blocking so you/they wouldn't be bothered again) but that they beat you to it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whilst there are decent gents like us on here, I can only assume the larger percentage of single guys are abbusive sex starved nobs... but we get tarnished with this brush!"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The hoops to jump through are a one-way street my friend!

You were on a loser the minute you added your p.s. demand.

I know it's a pain in the arse when you craft a respectful personalised message, attach a pic and it's immediately deleted. But it's supply and demand, it's human nature sometimes that if you give an inch some will take a mile! Some guys will see a 'thanks but no thanks' as an 'in' to keep chatting or even get abusive (there's nowt as fragile as the male ego, right!?

). And if you're a lady on the receiving end of that over and over and over again it's easier to just block and delete if you're not what they're after.

Harsh, but a fact of Fab life. Let it wash over you and don't let it get to you and your Fab experience will be so much better!

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Well you were gonna block them anyway, they just saved you a job. Be thankful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First ever post, and starting with a rant...

Why are basic elements of courtesy so lacking on here? Do people have great courage hiding behind their keyboard or, has society since abandoned basic courtesy?

I can see when the message is read. If it is read, and deleted, straight away (no reply) then I add them to my block list. That way, I don't see them in a search and I don't bother them again.

Yesterday, this happened and I went to block the person only to find I had already been blocked by them! I get we all have a type, but really, would a "no thanks" have been too much?

Dave"

So hang on your complaining they do the exact same thing you do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately Dave as you're new to the site it is all a bit of an eye opener I guess, however you'll very quickly get used to the knock backs I'm afraid as they're all too common on here!! I've just got to the point of not bothering messaging anymore and predominantly just use the forum's for light entertainment! I mean, it is a casual sex site after all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First ever post, and starting with a rant...

Why are basic elements of courtesy so lacking on here? Do people have great courage hiding behind their keyboard or, has society since abandoned basic courtesy?

I can see when the message is read. If it is read, and deleted, straight away (no reply) then I add them to my block list. That way, I don't see them in a search and I don't bother them again.

Yesterday, this happened and I went to block the person only to find I had already been blocked by them! I get we all have a type, but really, would a "no thanks" have been too much?

Dave

I'm glad I wasn't the only one to think this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whilst there are decent gents like us on here, I can only assume the larger percentage of single guys are abbusive sex starved nobs... but we get tarnished with this brush!"

You assume wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The answer to this is Squibble!

I guess the fact that women/couples are significantly outweighed by us bloke types, and as once shown to me by a young lady from here, have many, many messages daily, answering all of them would be a full time job.

I understand your frustration, but this place is not like the real world (nowhere frigging near) so basic rules do not apply.

Smile and wave OP, Smile and Wave!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No, it was the lack of a polite "no thanks" after a very polite message. I block those who reply in such a way to save each of us from wasting time in the future. I get we won't all be for everybody.

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They delete to save time. I'll answer for them. They will defend that basic right to the death!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Okay, so in future I won't ask for a reply even if it's a thanks but no thanks message.

Shame the site doesn't have template responses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, it was the lack of a polite "no thanks" after a very polite message. I block those who reply in such a way to save each of us from wasting time in the future. I get we won't all be for everybody.

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?"

So you block them if they say no thanks, but are upset because someone blocked you without saying no thanks? Surely they've saved you the hassle of having to block them then because they did it for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?"

Here's an example of a recent attempt at a polite 'no thanks'

Him: blah blah blah polite message

Me: thank you but we're not meeting anyone new for the foreseeable future, good luck.

Him: why not?

Me: you don't need to know why not, it's just what we've decided

Him: what's wrong with me

Me: we're sure there's nothing wrong, it's simply we're not meeting new people

Him: fucking time wasting idiots then like all the rest.

Now, if we'd deleted and blocked from the outset. We'd have saved ourselves receiving the abusive ending.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No point stressing about things out of your control. Delete your sent mail as soon as it's sent then you'll not know what the recipient has done with it. You'll either get a reply or you won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?"

Ah but do the rude ones have 100+ men hassling them simultaneously in the street? Different scenario altogether!

I hear what you're saying but it's the way it is, rightly or wrongly! The sooner you accept it, the more pleasant your user experience will be

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?"

Try and think of it as the junk mail you get posted through your letter box or in your email inbox - you know, those offers of a share in a Nigerian princes millions, or double glazing etc - the messages you've not asked for from people you don't know or don't match your criteria of something you're looking for.

Do you reply to each and everyone of those with a no thanks? Is it discourteous of you not to?

Same principle applies here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?"

Stand in the middle of a busy shopping centre with a large card round your neck saying "Free £10 notes (subject to terms and conditions)" You can only give money to those you fancy.

Then see how many people approach you who are polite and courteous but you don't fancy, then refuse to give them a tenner. Do it for 24 hours.

How arsed off are you going to be after 10 minutes of explaining why you won't give them the money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

Here's an example of a recent attempt at a polite 'no thanks'

Him: blah blah blah polite message

Me: thank you but we're not meeting anyone new for the foreseeable future, good luck.

Him: why not?

Me: you don't need to know why not, it's just what we've decided

Him: what's wrong with me

Me: we're sure there's nothing wrong, it's simply we're not meeting new people

Him: fucking time wasting idiots then like all the rest.

Now, if we'd deleted and blocked from the outset. We'd have saved ourselves receiving the abusive ending.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suggest you put your feet up and eat some root vegetables

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bless you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

Stand in the middle of a busy shopping centre with a large card round your neck saying "Free £10 notes (subject to terms and conditions)" You can only give money to those you fancy.

Then see how many people approach you who are polite and courteous but you don't fancy, then refuse to give them a tenner. Do it for 24 hours.

How arsed off are you going to be after 10 minutes of explaining why you won't give them the money.

mods, pin this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

Do you reply to each and everyone of those with a no thanks? Is it discourteous of you not to?

Same principle applies here

mods! Pin this as well!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

Here's an example of a recent attempt at a polite 'no thanks'

Him: blah blah blah polite message

Me: thank you but we're not meeting anyone new for the foreseeable future, good luck.

Him: why not?

Me: you don't need to know why not, it's just what we've decided

Him: what's wrong with me

Me: we're sure there's nothing wrong, it's simply we're not meeting new people

Him: fucking time wasting idiots then like all the rest.

Now, if we'd deleted and blocked from the outset. We'd have saved ourselves receiving the abusive ending.

I wouldn't have sent the second message and got into the conversation. You said all that was needed in your first message. Or just block new people from messaging in your filters. That said, no form of abuse is acceptable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay, so in future I won't ask for a reply even if it's a thanks but no thanks message.

Shame the site doesn't have template responses."

I think that would be a good idea.... Unless people start complaining about how they always get a 'not interested' and find people are just rude by pressing a button. When you think about it OP, not replying does the same thing. It's a sign a person isn't interested.

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By *addys_Little_PrincessWoman
over a year ago

London

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?"

OP just to give you a clue, so far today I have over 500 unread messages in my inbox. I'm not a rude person, but I also have a life and a job. I don't have time to read and respond to 500 messages a day. Sending someone a message doesn't entitle you to a reply. It's not rudeness, it's just not wanting to spend 24 hours a day on fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I posted a new pic recently, I had an in-box with hundreds and hundreds of messages. I simply don't have the time to reply "no thanks" to everyone, so I delete. I then, as people have stated, get more messages saying "did you get my message"?... "if you meet me you won't regret it", "was it my pic" blahhhh blahhhh blahhhh.

I'm not a rude or arrogant person but it's the only way to say, not interested by deleting and not replying.

I was stood up a few weeks ago, waited 2hrs, no message, nothing. You just have to accept that it's Fab life and move on! Fact

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Thursday!

There are fab rules and norms that become your basic levels of courtesy here. When in Rome and all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Courtesy costs nothing but has immeasurable value, please, thank you and no thanks. No need for rambling replies but a courteous no thanks costs nothing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being stood up is disgraceful... Not sure why anyone would do that to you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

Here's an example of a recent attempt at a polite 'no thanks'

Him: blah blah blah polite message

Me: thank you but we're not meeting anyone new for the foreseeable future, good luck.

Him: why not?

Me: you don't need to know why not, it's just what we've decided

Him: what's wrong with me

Me: we're sure there's nothing wrong, it's simply we're not meeting new people

Him: fucking time wasting idiots then like all the rest.

Now, if we'd deleted and blocked from the outset. We'd have saved ourselves receiving the abusive ending.

It was a demonstration of the point rather than an actual occurrence. Outlining to the OP why some might just delete from the off.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Op we live in a part of the country where there are lots of lovely single ladies and couples. Simply carry on doing what you are doing and don't expect a reply. Nobody owes you one.

Change the mindset and it's more fun.

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By *ercuryMan
over a year ago

Grantham

It's called "pussy power" and no amount of complaining is ever going to change it.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"First ever post, and starting with a rant...

Why are basic elements of courtesy so lacking on here? Do people have great courage hiding behind their keyboard or, has society since abandoned basic courtesy?

I can see when the message is read. If it is read, and deleted, straight away (no reply) then I add them to my block list. That way, I don't see them in a search and I don't bother them again.

Yesterday, this happened and I went to block the person only to find I had already been blocked by them! I get we all have a type, but really, would a "no thanks" have been too much?

Dave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Youve basically explained how you deal with the situation ie you block if its a no yet youre questioning their right to have their own way of using the site?

Personally Id be offended by your approach, I see swinging as a social activity so while I might not want to meet you on a 1to1 basis it doesn't mean I wouldn't be happy to talk to you in the forums or chatrooms or at a social gathering or a club. Your blocking me would stop that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I posted a new pic recently, I had an in-box with hundreds and hundreds of messages. I simply don't have the time to reply "no thanks" to everyone, so I delete. I then, as people have stated, get more messages saying "did you get my message"?... "if you meet me you won't regret it", "was it my pic" blahhhh blahhhh blahhhh.

I'm not a rude or arrogant person but it's the only way to say, not interested by deleting and not replying.

I was stood up a few weeks ago, waited 2hrs, no message, nothing. You just have to accept that it's Fab life and move on! Fact

Unfortunately a vicious circle Dana, even the ones you let through and get to the point of meeting tarnish the genuine ones when they don't show

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

Here's an example of a recent attempt at a polite 'no thanks'

Him: blah blah blah polite message

Me: thank you but we're not meeting anyone new for the foreseeable future, good luck.

Him: why not?

Me: you don't need to know why not, it's just what we've decided

Him: what's wrong with me

Me: we're sure there's nothing wrong, it's simply we're not meeting new people

Him: fucking time wasting idiots then like all the rest.

Now, if we'd deleted and blocked from the outset. We'd have saved ourselves receiving the abusive ending.

It was a demonstration of the point rather than an actual occurrence. Outlining to the OP why some might just delete from the off. "

Apologies, your post said here's a recent attempt at a no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apologies, your post said here's a recent attempt at a no thanks."

No apologies needed. I could have been clearer on the example being hypothetical.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some great advice and experience shared here everybody so thank you!

I agree that as some people have pointed out there may be flaws in my approach. I won't ever ask for a reply again (was something I only tried recently), I'll unblock my block list, and stop worrying about things I can't control (which, to be fair, is my usual lifestyle).

To those who took the time to mail me directly, and show examples of full mailboxes, thank you! Context and all that.

Thank you!

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By *ercuryMan
over a year ago

Grantham

I always finish a message off with......"and if I don't hear from you, then I respect your reasons and wish you all the best for the future"

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

The consensus here so far would appear to be discourtesy is the accepted norm. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if it wasn't? Are the rude ones as rude in public?

Stand in the middle of a busy shopping centre with a large card round your neck saying "Free £10 notes (subject to terms and conditions)" You can only give money to those you fancy.

Then see how many people approach you who are polite and courteous but you don't fancy, then refuse to give them a tenner. Do it for 24 hours.

How arsed off are you going to be after 10 minutes of explaining why you won't give them the money.

Thats bloody brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

by blocking you they have only done what you do to people you dont wish to chat to or search again - minus the no thanks reply - too many messages to send that to all so just take the block for what it is - a simple no thanks as the faqs state

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"Some great advice and experience shared here everybody so thank you!

To those who took the time to mail me directly, and show examples of full mailboxes, thank you! Context and all that.

Thank you!

No. Continue to block as you did before and dont ask for a reply. You dont need to change your approach in any other way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First ever post, and starting with a rant...

Why are basic elements of courtesy so lacking on here? Do people have great courage hiding behind their keyboard or, has society since abandoned basic courtesy?

I can see when the message is read. If it is read, and deleted, straight away (no reply) then I add them to my block list. That way, I don't see them in a search and I don't bother them again.

Yesterday, this happened and I went to block the person only to find I had already been blocked by them! I get we all have a type, but really, would a "no thanks" have been too much?

Dave"

I have found there's a lot of gents that don't like a no response and often come back with a why, or a go on or another message suggesting a meet time. But it generally leads to abuse of accusations of time wasting. After a short while it's easy to learn that it's best not to reply at all. I try to work out which ones to reply to that may not abuse me. It can be a mine field. So in answer to your question,a few idiots have again ruined it for the lovely gents and I apologise on behalf of all the lady's that don't reply, but plz don't think it's all to do with ego .

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Some people reply, some don't. If you accept this happens your time on the site will be more enjoyable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A message is given freely and without condition right?.. So it is then up to recipient, to do exactly what they want with said message.. Simples!

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