FabSwingers.com forum: Marriage

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So we were having a chat in the chatrooms last night and it seems we all have different opinions on marriage. There were a few "its a piece of paper" type views and a few "its a symbol of commitment".

If youre married why did you get married? Or if youre engaged why are you going to?

If youre divorced why is that?

If you'll never marry what has made you decide that and is there a chance it might change?

And if youre just waiting for the one what do you hope marriage will bring?

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By *randMrs Spanish BrunetteCouple
over a year ago

home sweet home

We are married. Neither of us had been married before. For us just a legal event,(It was only 15 people and that's counting us two) but it did strengthen our relation. Also I know a few cases in Spain, I don't know if it's the same here, of friends not being available to make health calls in critical situations for their partners of over 10 years, because they weren't married. Neither of us wanted that to happen.

Mrs SB

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got married because I thought I was in love and it was the thing to do. I was old fashioned in the view that I thought it was a once in a lifetime event.

Now I've been separated 2 years and really should have not taken him back the first time he left. He was a cheater amongst other things.

Would I get married again, I can't say at the moment. I love my mr and could see us living together but don't think a piece of paper would make us any more committed to each other. X

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

At the time of my marriage I was in love and it seemed like the most natural progression of the relationship.

Divorced not due to him changing after the birth of the boy child.

The ex became violent towards me, it became an abusive relationship in hindsight I should have noticed

It gradually change but I had two children under the age of 3 and my time was taken up with them,their needs came first.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i've been engaged twice, didn't want to get married to either of them though (not coz of them but coz i never wanted to get married). not sure why i got engaged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cos we wanted a big fuckoff party and loads of gifts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cos we wanted a big fuckoff party and loads of gifts. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I married as a sign of commitment/ love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got married (twice) because I got caught up in the passion and romance of it.

I got divorced (twice) because I hated boring domesticity and having to deal with someone else's shit.

I'll stick with the excitement of novelty and variety thanks...that doesn't mean to say it can't be long term, with the right person/people, but would never cohabit again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm against allowing the government air time in my most committed human relationship...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I married my ex largely due to social pressure from both families and friends, it was simply the expectation at the time in Irish society. We should never have married, for a variety of reasons, the most crucial being that while he wanted kids, I didn't. Also, although he gave lip service to the idea of equality, after our kids were born, it became clear that he expected to fall into the pattern of his own upbringing, where Dad was the breadwinner and Mum the homemaker. Nor did he expect to have to curb his social life (i.e. his drinking) just because he was now a father. How little we really had in common became more and more obvious, I eventually became depressed, through counselling came to the painful conclusion that I had to leave simply for my own sanity.

He wasn't a bad person, we simply were too different.

I am now in a very fulfilling relationship with a man who is very well suited to me. If we marry, it will be for inheritance and next-of-kin rights.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's bollocks. The bigger the wedding the more desperate they are to prove to everyone else how good they are when really it's shit.

Facebook era.

If you love someone you only need each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love going to weddings and guessing how long I think they'll last.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The first time I got married I was desperately young and desperately stupid. I mistook good looks for good character. I was wrong.

The second time I got married was because I wanted to. We've stayed married because I wanted to and he has a tracking device fitted that emits a powerful electric shock if his eyes wander left or right or he goes more than 500 yards without me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you really love each other, do you need to get married to prove your commitment?

If so, this already means there are trust issues.

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By *ola.Woman
over a year ago

Just where I need to be.

I never wanted marriage as a young girl growing up,I didn't have the dreams of the big wedding. I did get married as I was pregnant with my partner who I had lived with for 6 years. I just went along with it. Everyone else organised the wedding I just turned up. I never felt the need to have a piece of paper to show my commitment.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

I don't see any value in marriage, I've been engaged twice not sure why I never had any intention of getting married. I went to a wedding at the weekend and it was wonderful, I cried twice during the ceremony. I thought about them having their whole lives ahead of them. Then on reflection I thought about the reality. The chances are at some point one or both will cheat. There is every likelihood they'll get divorced. There is even the possibility they'll marry again.

I don't think we were meant to be monogamous. I question there actually is only "the one" out there somewhere. I think that there are several ones and your time with them is limited. I don't mean your fate is sealed because we have free will. There must be more than one person out there if not there is no way you could ever find the one surely.

I don't see marriage as permanent but temporary and I don't like the expectations that come with it. "Until death do us part" that scares the living daylights out of me. I know there is divorce but I would feel the pressure of having to stay together.

As for changing my mind, I'm a woman so who knows, I'm a romantic at heart and love happily ever after, so I would never say never

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you really love each other, do you need to get married to prove your commitment?

If so, this already means there are trust issues."

Oooohhhh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cos we wanted a big fuckoff party and loads of gifts. "

This... Plus I had a free Saturday..

Mine didn't last though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't see any value in marriage, I've been engaged twice not sure why I never had any intention of getting married. I went to a wedding at the weekend and it was wonderful, I cried twice during the ceremony. I thought about them having their whole lives ahead of them. Then on reflection I thought about the reality. The chances are at some point one or both will cheat. There is every likelihood they'll get divorced. There is even the possibility they'll marry again.

As for changing my mind, I'm a woman so who knows, I'm a romantic at heart and love happily ever after, so I would never say never

I dunno about that Punky. There's some rare folk that do seem to be just so damn perfect together and may well go the distance.

I'll always have a bit of a hopelessly romantic idealism in that regard, but realism does temper it somewhat.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If you really love each other, do you need to get married to prove your commitment?

If so, this already means there are trust issues."

I disagree. You assume people get married to prove their commitment to each other. In my opinion people marry for many reasons. In some cultures its unthinkable to be unmarried, some people like to be married if they're going to have children, for others its financial and for some it is because there are trust issues.

I understand that lots of people are anti marriage but its not compulsory for most of us so its down to personal choice now. I'm for it if only because it causes great distress when a long time partner dies and you aren't considered next of kin at the hospital etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't need to get married to prove we are a committed couple but it's maybe an old fashioned view that you move in together and get married. I'd like children one day and being married just seems the right thing to do. I wouldn't want a huge expensive wedding, just a small intimate one with those who mean the most to us. Whether I get that one day. . .who knows!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got married because I was in love. It was, and still is the best day of my life. Not of my choosing but I'm now seperated.

Wouldn't I get married again? Yes. It hasn't put me off and I believe in love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you really love each other, do you need to get married to prove your commitment?

If so, this already means there are trust issues.

Different views and opinions, I'm not anti marriage, I just don't see the point in it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

As for changing my mind, I'm a woman so who knows, I'm a romantic at heart and love happily ever after, so I would never say never

Until fairly recently it was highly likely that one partner would die early on in a marriage and the other would remarry either because a woman needed a man to support her and her children or a man needed a woman to look after him and his children. That's no longer the case.

I don't think all marriages are meant to last either but I do think some are...well I would, wouldn't I.

I also disagree that all of us are not monogomous by design, I think it varies from person to person.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

As for changing my mind, I'm a woman so who knows, I'm a romantic at heart and love happily ever after, so I would never say never

I dunno about that Punky. There's some rare folk that do seem to be just so damn perfect together and may well go the distance.

I'll always have a bit of a hopelessly romantic idealism in that regard, but realism does temper it somewhat."

Yes "rare" or is it that majority weren't with "the one" and actually there is only "the one" or were they with "the one" for that moment in time until "the one" comes along

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I married when i was 24. Separated now and likely to be divorced at 32. I'm not sure the reason we got married. But it was a mistake. I didn't enjoy being married. I dont know if it was because he was older and has more traditional views of what a wife should be ( which i most definitely am not)or because I am just not good at sharing my space and life with someone.

Whilst I am not against a relationship in the future i will not get married again.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

There are legal ramifications to consider when deciding whether to marry or not, particularly when it comes to the inevitable death of one partner.

However, that's not why we got married. It just felt like the natural progression in our relationship. Our wedding was a small, intimate affair, just close friends and family. It was perfect

Some people are happy to cohabit without the piece of paper, others will wait to marry when the time feels right for them.

My sister and her partner have been together for 25 years, have children aged 20 and 16. They are getting married in October. When they told us I asked did they wait until the mortgage is paid off on the house first

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We are married. Neither of us had been married before. For us just a legal event,(It was only 15 people and that's counting us two) but it did strengthen our relation. Also I know a few cases in Spain, I don't know if it's the same here, of friends not being available to make health calls in critical situations for their partners of over 10 years, because they weren't married. Neither of us wanted that to happen.

Mrs SB 8

Oh I hadn't thought of things like next of kin!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got married because I thought I was in love and it was the thing to do. I was old fashioned in the view that I thought it was a once in a lifetime event.

Now I've been separated 2 years and really should have not taken him back the first time he left. He was a cheater amongst other things.

Would I get married again, I can't say at the moment. I love my mr and could see us living together but don't think a piece of paper would make us any more committed to each other. X "

So you did it because tradition dictated you should?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Originally I didn't want marriage, or kids. But after meeting peach all that changed. Even after being together for 10 years, neither of us could see ourselves being without each other. And when her ex-husband, who was getting re-married at the time, turned round and said 'you two have been together long enough. When you getting married?' I proposed to her shortly after. Not to make ourselves or anyone else happier but more legal and practical reasons (security after possible tragic events ect). Funnily enough, our bond became stronger (and still is) more after joining Fabs than when we got married

Fuzz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have been married 12 years now and even renewed our wedding vows on our 10 years anniversary! (any excuse for a big party lol)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"At the time of my marriage I was in love and it seemed like the most natural progression of the relationship.

Divorced not due to him changing after the birth of the boy child.

The ex became violent towards me, it became an abusive relationship in hindsight I should have noticed

It gradually change but I had two children under the age of 3 and my time was taken up with them,their needs came first. "

Im really sorry to hear that. Do you think it would stop you marrying again or do you feel it was down to him as an individual rather than the marriage? I guess what I mean is sometimes people use the fact theyre married as an excuse to treat someone bad, kinda "she'll never leave" type scenario.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because I loved her and felt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and that's what 'Good Catholic Boys' did

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i've been engaged twice, didn't want to get married to either of them though (not coz of them but coz i never wanted to get married). not sure why i got engaged."

Did you just get caught up in the excitement of the proposal? Some people are happy to just be engaged, like its a sign of intent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Cos we wanted a big fuckoff party and loads of gifts. "

Well everybody loves a party

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friends have been together 30 years and are very happy. They are going to get married purely for next of kin/ financial reasons.

If people love each other the marriage paper is irrelevant, although I do understand why it means a lot to some.

Too many times people get married and the sex and/ or affection is over- "no need to make an effort, we're married now" kind of thinking.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I married as a sign of commitment/ love"

This was the basis of my pro marriage argument! Because despite it being a piece of paper its a declaration of love and devotion.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here."

You've broken my heart there lady!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got married (twice) because I got caught up in the passion and romance of it.

I got divorced (twice) because I hated boring domesticity and having to deal with someone else's shit.

I'll stick with the excitement of novelty and variety thanks...that doesn't mean to say it can't be long term, with the right person/people, but would never cohabit again."

So was it more down to the sharing space with someone it didn't work than the "married" label?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met my ex while on army leave in 1986. We spent a long weekend together then I went back to Northern Ireland. We wrote and phoned and the next time I got leave we got married by special license. It lasted 20 years. It wasn't until I did my 22 years and left that I realised she married the uniform not the man. She ran off with another man who was in the army. Left me with two teenagers. So I grew a business. Raised the kids best I could and just got on. Her relationship with that guy broke up after a year or two. She called out of the blue wanting a reconciliation , I spoke to the children and they said that we were ok on our own and she wouldn't bring anything positive into the home. So I told her no. I've only seen her a few times since at family events. It was a good marriage but ended badly. One day I'm sure I will marry again...I'll just take my time.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here.

You've broken my heart there lady!

You will always be my Queen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm against allowing the government air time in my most committed human relationship... "

So do you see it more as a formal event than a romantic one?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I married my ex largely due to social pressure from both families and friends, it was simply the expectation at the time in Irish society. We should never have married, for a variety of reasons, the most crucial being that while he wanted kids, I didn't. Also, although he gave lip service to the idea of equality, after our kids were born, it became clear that he expected to fall into the pattern of his own upbringing, where Dad was the breadwinner and Mum the homemaker. Nor did he expect to have to curb his social life (i.e. his drinking) just because he was now a father. How little we really had in common became more and more obvious, I eventually became depressed, through counselling came to the painful conclusion that I had to leave simply for my own sanity.

He wasn't a bad person, we simply were too different.

I am now in a very fulfilling relationship with a man who is very well suited to me. If we marry, it will be for inheritance and next-of-kin rights. "

It certainly seems that people who marry because its expected of them have the least chance of survival. Im glad youre in a relationship now that suits your needs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it's bollocks. The bigger the wedding the more desperate they are to prove to everyone else how good they are when really it's shit.

Facebook era.

If you love someone you only need each other.

So what about couples who choose not to go down the flashy route, who have an intimate wedding and dont plaster it around social media?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I love going to weddings and guessing how long I think they'll last.

Are you ever right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The first time I got married I was desperately young and desperately stupid. I mistook good looks for good character. I was wrong.

Haha I think you've got this marriage thing under control

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The first time I got married I was desperately young and desperately stupid. I mistook good looks for good character. I was wrong.

Haha I think you've got this marriage thing under control

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you really love each other, do you need to get married to prove your commitment?

If so, this already means there are trust issues."

Hhhmmmm....but what about getting married as a legal thing? To have next of kin status, to show that you trust this person to make decisions on your behalf.

Im not sure its a case of "proving" your commitment, people can get divorced afterall, more a romantic gesture to show everyone youre in love and intend to be together forever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's bollocks. The bigger the wedding the more desperate they are to prove to everyone else how good they are when really it's shit.

Facebook era.

If you love someone you only need each other.

So what about couples who choose not to go down the flashy route, who have an intimate wedding and dont plaster it around social media? "

They are ashamed.

I think they are more likely to be doing it for love and not for flashy show off reasons. I know some do love each other and have big weddings. Just my thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The first time I got married I was desperately young and desperately stupid. I mistook good looks for good character. I was wrong.

Haha I think you've got this marriage thing under control

I don't even need a tracking device, having mastered the art of telepathy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never wanted marriage as a young girl growing up,I didn't have the dreams of the big wedding. I did get married as I was pregnant with my partner who I had lived with for 6 years. I just went along with it. Everyone else organised the wedding I just turned up. I never felt the need to have a piece of paper to show my commitment."

Did it feel any different once you were married?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As for changing my mind, I'm a woman so who knows, I'm a romantic at heart and love happily ever after, so I would never say never

Haha! I love your indecisiveness! So really youre sceptical but open to persuasion?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Cos we wanted a big fuckoff party and loads of gifts.

This... Plus I had a free Saturday..

Mine didn't last though. "

Haha!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't need to get married to prove we are a committed couple but it's maybe an old fashioned view that you move in together and get married. I'd like children one day and being married just seems the right thing to do. I wouldn't want a huge expensive wedding, just a small intimate one with those who mean the most to us. Whether I get that one day. . .who knows! "

So its more of a tradition for you than a romantic gesture?

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

We are married and have been together 32 years.

We come from similar backgrounds and hit it off the first time we met.

I was dating his friend, but he wad a bit of s dick.

We waited 11 years before we got married and haven't looked back.

There seems to be no commitment nowadays.

Most of our friends are on 2nd or 3rd time around.

If it hasn't worked the first time, why bother again??

What is going to have changed?

Just our thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I married as a sign of commitment/ love

This was the basis of my pro marriage argument! Because despite it being a piece of paper its a declaration of love and devotion. "

Whvwould you need to declare that to the World, as long as both of you know it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got married because I was in love. It was, and still is the best day of my life. Not of my choosing but I'm now seperated.

Wouldn't I get married again? Yes. It hasn't put me off and I believe in love "

Im glad it hasn't tainted your view. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got married because I thought I was in love and it was the thing to do. I was old fashioned in the view that I thought it was a once in a lifetime event.

Now I've been separated 2 years and really should have not taken him back the first time he left. He was a cheater amongst other things.

Would I get married again, I can't say at the moment. I love my mr and could see us living together but don't think a piece of paper would make us any more committed to each other. X

So you did it because tradition dictated you should? "

I think we did. We were both bought up in traditional homes where our parents and grandparents were married for years and that's what you did. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here."

Nooo, there are lots of crazy options other than cats!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here.

You've broken my heart there lady!

You will always be my Queen

Perfect

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I married when i was 24. Separated now and likely to be divorced at 32. I'm not sure the reason we got married. But it was a mistake. I didn't enjoy being married. I dont know if it was because he was older and has more traditional views of what a wife should be ( which i most definitely am not)or because I am just not good at sharing my space and life with someone.

Whilst I am not against a relationship in the future i will not get married again."

You sound very definite in that! What if this time you get caught up in the emotions of it rather than just getting married for the sake of it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you really love each other, do you need to get married to prove your commitment?

If so, this already means there are trust issues.

Hhhmmmm....but what about getting married as a legal thing? To have next of kin status, to show that you trust this person to make decisions on your behalf.

Im not sure its a case of "proving" your commitment, people can get divorced afterall, more a romantic gesture to show everyone youre in love and intend to be together forever."

Fitting in with society norms, although not so much of an issue these days..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There are legal ramifications to consider when deciding whether to marry or not, particularly when it comes to the inevitable death of one partner.

However, that's not why we got married. It just felt like the natural progression in our relationship. Our wedding was a small, intimate affair, just close friends and family. It was perfect

Some people are happy to cohabit without the piece of paper, others will wait to marry when the time feels right for them.

Haha! Its always sensible to make sure youre financially stable

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

As for changing my mind, I'm a woman so who knows, I'm a romantic at heart and love happily ever after, so I would never say never

Haha! I love your indecisiveness! So really youre sceptical but open to persuasion? "

I'm open to being happy and wouldn't ever consider my view to be right

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Originally I didn't want marriage, or kids. But after meeting peach all that changed. Even after being together for 10 years, neither of us could see ourselves being without each other. And when her ex-husband, who was getting re-married at the time, turned round and said 'you two have been together long enough. When you getting married?' I proposed to her shortly after. Not to make ourselves or anyone else happier but more legal and practical reasons (security after possible tragic events ect). Funnily enough, our bond became stronger (and still is) more after joining Fabs than when we got married

Fuzz"

Ooohh maybe we should give out fab memberships as wedding gifts

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We have been married 12 years now and even renewed our wedding vows on our 10 years anniversary! (any excuse for a big party lol)

Well that sounds as good a reason as any! Same again at 20 years?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you really love each other, do you need to get married to prove your commitment?

If so, this already means there are trust issues.

Hhhmmmm....but what about getting married as a legal thing? To have next of kin status, to show that you trust this person to make decisions on your behalf.

Im not sure its a case of "proving" your commitment, people can get divorced afterall, more a romantic gesture to show everyone youre in love and intend to be together forever."

Then I guess it would be just a legal thing for me.

I don't need to show everyone, I just need to show that 1 person, and there are other ways you can show love and devotion without getting married.

But we all have different opinions

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Because I loved her and felt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and that's what 'Good Catholic Boys' did

So a bit of both then?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Friends have been together 30 years and are very happy. They are going to get married purely for next of kin/ financial reasons.

If people love each other the marriage paper is irrelevant, although I do understand why it means a lot to some.

Too many times people get married and the sex and/ or affection is over- "no need to make an effort, we're married now" kind of thinking.

Yeah I guess the old saying about it being hard work is true but is it the marriage label that causes it? Surely coupes who cohabit need to keep the spark alive too?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here."

What about dogs? Ooohh or a hairless animal like a tortoise! You could be a crazy tortoise lady?!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I married a dull man with a low sex drive simply because I was a lone parent and lacked confidence. 10 years and 2 further children later, in a now sexless marriage, I chose to break up the relationship with an exit affair....cowardly and painful to all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Friends have been together 30 years and are very happy. They are going to get married purely for next of kin/ financial reasons.

If people love each other the marriage paper is irrelevant, although I do understand why it means a lot to some.

Too many times people get married and the sex and/ or affection is over- "no need to make an effort, we're married now" kind of thinking.

Yeah I guess the old saying about it being hard work is true but is it the marriage label that causes it? Surely coupes who cohabit need to keep the spark alive too?"

Of course, but they don't create statistics.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here.

What about dogs? Ooohh or a hairless animal like a tortoise! You could be a crazy tortoise lady?!? "

Those bald cats, I could have some of those.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I met my ex while on army leave in 1986. We spent a long weekend together then I went back to Northern Ireland. We wrote and phoned and the next time I got leave we got married by special license. It lasted 20 years. It wasn't until I did my 22 years and left that I realised she married the uniform not the man. She ran off with another man who was in the army. Left me with two teenagers. So I grew a business. Raised the kids best I could and just got on. Her relationship with that guy broke up after a year or two. She called out of the blue wanting a reconciliation , I spoke to the children and they said that we were ok on our own and she wouldn't bring anything positive into the home. So I told her no. I've only seen her a few times since at family events. It was a good marriage but ended badly. One day I'm sure I will marry again...I'll just take my time."

Im glad it hasnt put you off. I have a friend who married quickly as her husband is in the forces and they wanted to live in married quarters. Theyre very much in love though and things are going well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it's bollocks. The bigger the wedding the more desperate they are to prove to everyone else how good they are when really it's shit.

Facebook era.

If you love someone you only need each other.

So what about couples who choose not to go down the flashy route, who have an intimate wedding and dont plaster it around social media?

They are ashamed.

I think they are more likely to be doing it for love and not for flashy show off reasons. I know some do love each other and have big weddings. Just my thoughts.

Ha!

My friend had a big wedding and regretted it. She said it was the most stressful day of her life!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Married and in love at 19 - catholic and the era ......house, career, children and divorced in my thirties.

Remarried in my thirties - widowed by suicide a few years ago and was very much in love ......

I am a romantic - I love being married

I'm independent - love my sexual freedom

MY new definition of marriage ....

I seek a blend of both - a hedonistic concoction of fun with the dedication and deep love for each other that covers the legal ramifications of illness or death

BRING IT ON

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We are married and have been together 32 years.

We come from similar backgrounds and hit it off the first time we met.

I was dating his friend, but he wad a bit of s dick.

We waited 11 years before we got married and haven't looked back.

There seems to be no commitment nowadays.

Most of our friends are on 2nd or 3rd time around.

If it hasn't worked the first time, why bother again??

What is going to have changed?

Just our thoughts.

Hhmm...I guess theyre hopeful they finally found the right person? But then maybe some people just lack the understanding that relationships need worked at?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because I loved her and felt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and that's what 'Good Catholic Boys' did

So a bit of both then? "

It was a romantic white church wedding, some friends and my sis played the music, that we chose - I was deeply in love with her - we had already been together for 5 years and on and off for the previous 4. We definitely saw it as a commitment to each other, however the rules of the marriage game we chose to play were outmoded for what we needed. Our strong Catholic upbringing brought a set of beliefs with it that we outgrew. Renegotiating the rules of the game was needed. However the commitment to be with each other remains....

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I got married when I was 16. I was pregnant with my eldest child and scared. It seemed like the right thing to do. Even though I knew it wasn't what I wanted.

It wasn't the day I ever dreamed of. I couldn't actually stand the man I marrired. I cried the whole way through it. No dress, no feeling of being loved.

After 2-years we split up. I fell in love with someone but it wasn't to be. My husband and I were still married so we tried again. It was a huge mistake. However we had two more sons who I'd never be without now.

I continued to seek escape and affection else where. We finally divorced when I was 26.

I long for my happy ever after one day. I just want to love and be loved in return. I'm honestly terrified I'll never find that. Karma I guess.

For me marriage is something far more meaningful than it was back then. And I'd love to find "the one".'

However I've more baggage than Gatwick airport and my romantic notions don't fit with the reality of life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I married as a sign of commitment/ love

This was the basis of my pro marriage argument! Because despite it being a piece of paper its a declaration of love and devotion.

Whvwould you need to declare that to the World, as long as both of you know it?"

The same way as we share other good news or things that make us proud? Maybe show off this wonderful person they've found?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was telling my mother at about 4-5 years old I was never getting married. I'm still of the same opinion now

Blind d*unk and one of those Vegas chapel weddings is the only way I could see it happening

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As for changing my mind, I'm a woman so who knows, I'm a romantic at heart and love happily ever after, so I would never say never

Haha! I love your indecisiveness! So really youre sceptical but open to persuasion?

I'm open to being happy and wouldn't ever consider my view to be right

That's exactly the way to be. I have opinions but Im open to having them changed. It takes a damn good debate to do it though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I married a dull man with a low sex drive simply because I was a lone parent and lacked confidence. 10 years and 2 further children later, in a now sexless marriage, I chose to break up the relationship with an exit affair....cowardly and painful to all. "

What would you change if you could?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Long term engagement but never married, don't know why I said yes

I don't think I will ever be married.

I'm allergic to cats too so I can't even become a crazy cat lady

Pointless life here.

What about dogs? Ooohh or a hairless animal like a tortoise! You could be a crazy tortoise lady?!?

Those bald cats, I could have some of those."

Nnnoooo!! Theyre so creepy! Although my friend has one and its an affectionate wee thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Married and in love at 19 - catholic and the era ......house, career, children and divorced in my thirties.

Remarried in my thirties - widowed by suicide a few years ago and was very much in love ......

I am a romantic - I love being married

I'm independent - love my sexual freedom

MY new definition of marriage ....

I seek a blend of both - a hedonistic concoction of fun with the dedication and deep love for each other that covers the legal ramifications of illness or death

BRING IT ON

Im sorry to hear of your loss but I love your attitude x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Matching anoraks say much more about a couple than a piece of paper ever could.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Because I loved her and felt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and that's what 'Good Catholic Boys' did

So a bit of both then?

That's a good point. Adaptating the expectations of marriage to suit your own personal relationship. Maybe some people struggle with that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the idea of marriage is nice but its just not worth it these days especially if your a male. If your in a relationship then your going to be with that person whether you get married or not, marriage changes nothing and is a giant waste of money that can be spent on better things. Also most end in divorce nowadays anyway and is usually messy with the male half being screwed over and taken for everything he has, females almost always get the house and kids receiving money from the male half and in many cases even paying for kids that isnt even his, its just not worth taking the chance. Marriage is more of a business decision for more and more people now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's bollocks. The bigger the wedding the more desperate they are to prove to everyone else how good they are when really it's shit.

Facebook era.

If you love someone you only need each other.

So what about couples who choose not to go down the flashy route, who have an intimate wedding and dont plaster it around social media?

They are ashamed.

I think they are more likely to be doing it for love and not for flashy show off reasons. I know some do love each other and have big weddings. Just my thoughts.

Ha!

My friend had a big wedding and regretted it. She said it was the most stressful day of her life! "

Exactly. I know I sound like a bitter old hag but I do believe in love. It's the showy stuff that makes me think it's just.. for show.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got married when I was 16. I was pregnant with my eldest child and scared. It seemed like the right thing to do. Even though I knew it wasn't what I wanted.

It wasn't the day I ever dreamed of. I couldn't actually stand the man I marrired. I cried the whole way through it. No dress, no feeling of being loved.

I continued to seek escape and affection else where. We finally divorced when I was 26.

I long for my happy ever after one day. I just want to love and be loved in return. I'm honestly terrified I'll never find that. Karma I guess.

For me marriage is something far more meaningful than it was back then. And I'd love to find "the one".'

However I've more baggage than Gatwick airport and my romantic notions don't fit with the reality of life.

Romance brings a mule to carry the baggage. The right person will fit you and your cirvumstances. Im glad its become more than something you just do because its expected. There will only be happy tears at your next wedding x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was telling my mother at about 4-5 years old I was never getting married. I'm still of the same opinion now

Blind d*unk and one of those Vegas chapel weddings is the only way I could see it happening

Haha white chapel wedding is my ultimate goal!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Matching anoraks say much more about a couple than a piece of paper ever could.

Ha! My friend and I met at the pub the other day with the same new jacket! To be fair Shes my girl for life, such commitment there!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think the idea of marriage is nice but its just not worth it these days especially if your a male. If your in a relationship then your going to be with that person whether you get married or not, marriage changes nothing and is a giant waste of money that can be spent on better things. Also most end in divorce nowadays anyway and is usually messy with the male half being screwed over and taken for everything he has, females almost always get the house and kids receiving money from the male half and in many cases even paying for kids that isnt even his, its just not worth taking the chance. Marriage is more of a business decision for more and more people now."

Aw it makes me sad to read this. Does it hold no romantic steadying for you at all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me, a single male, marriage is a symbol of commited companionship. Let me tell you a story of two people who used to come into my old job. Both of them were widow(er)s. The man was in his 70s and the lady in her 60s. Now, they became close friends through a group made to helo them mourn. This is how it went for a few years. Until the man had a heart attack and went to hospital (he survived don't worry). When this lady went to visit him in hospital, his children turned around and said "no. We dont want her in here" and because of that, she wasnt able to see the man until he was released from hospital. When she next saw him, he was reading some documents.

"What you reading?"

"Marriage documents"

"Why?"

"Because I am not letting those assholes dictate who and cannot see me. You are my companion and you have a right to see me. So I want to marry you so my kids can never refuse you entry again"

And so they got became husband and wife not out of love, but companionship.

That is how I see marriage. Eternal companionship

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it's bollocks. The bigger the wedding the more desperate they are to prove to everyone else how good they are when really it's shit.

Facebook era.

If you love someone you only need each other.

So what about couples who choose not to go down the flashy route, who have an intimate wedding and dont plaster it around social media?

They are ashamed.

I think they are more likely to be doing it for love and not for flashy show off reasons. I know some do love each other and have big weddings. Just my thoughts.

Ha!

My friend had a big wedding and regretted it. She said it was the most stressful day of her life!

Exactly. I know I sound like a bitter old hag but I do believe in love. It's the showy stuff that makes me think it's just.. for show.

I guess society is to blame too. Its become the norm to go extravagant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To me, a single male, marriage is a symbol of commited companionship. Let me tell you a story of two people who used to come into my old job. Both of them were widow(er)s. The man was in his 70s and the lady in her 60s. Now, they became close friends through a group made to helo them mourn. This is how it went for a few years. Until the man had a heart attack and went to hospital (he survived don't worry). When this lady went to visit him in hospital, his children turned around and said "no. We dont want her in here" and because of that, she wasnt able to see the man until he was released from hospital. When she next saw him, he was reading some documents.

"What you reading?"

"Marriage documents"

"Why?"

"Because I am not letting those assholes dictate who and cannot see me. You are my companion and you have a right to see me. So I want to marry you so my kids can never refuse you entry again"

And so they got became husband and wife not out of love, but companionship.

That is how I see marriage. Eternal companionship"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's bollocks. The bigger the wedding the more desperate they are to prove to everyone else how good they are when really it's shit.

Facebook era.

If you love someone you only need each other.

Totally agree with this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was married once, but it wasn't for me. I'd never do it again. Prefer the freedom.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 24/07/17 10:16:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What you reading?"

"Marriage documents"

"Why?"

"Because I am not letting those assholes dictate who and cannot see me. You are my companion and you have a right to see me. So I want to marry you so my kids can never refuse you entry again"

And so they got became husband and wife not out of love, but companionship.

That is how I see marriage. Eternal companionship

And a bonus if love is there or develops

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

For me it was a commitment to the man I loved. Living together wouldn't have worked for us. Being married made me feel "safe".

We divorced because our son died. I didn't feel "safe". He couldn't protect me from the crushing pain. Unfairly, I withdrew from him and the disappointment in my eyes avd his own grief drove us apart.

We broke us. We should have been there for each other not just our children.

I didn't believe in cohabiting, I do now. I'm "safe" because I've secured me. If I marry again, and I probably will, it will be for, for want of a better word, companionship. I married purely for love and it ended in divorce.

Divorce hasn't put me of marriage, but next time it'll be without rose coloured specs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

At that youthful time of my life I thought that I knew in the very core of my being that I would never feel any different and that there was no way that I could imagine not being with my partner. I didnt believe at that time that any feelings that strong could ever possibly diminish between us.

That is why I wanted to get married.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Was married once, but it wasn't for me. I'd never do it again. Prefer the freedom. "

Would you be in a committed relationship without the marriage label?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For me it was a commitment to the man I loved. Living together wouldn't have worked for us. Being married made me feel "safe".

We broke us. We should have been there for each other not just our children.

Divorce hasn't put me of marriage, but next time it'll be without rose coloured specs."

Im really sorry to read this. X

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I feel like one of the few who has never been married reading this!

As far as if I want to? I don't know currently. I'm not against but I'm also not planning it right now. I think I would possibly like to but more for legal rights.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I think I know 2 couples who are as much in love now as they have ever been.

I might just buy myself a dress to do the housework in...or to vomit over whilst I read some of these posts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

That is why I wanted to get married."

Oops I forgot to answer too

And has your view changed since then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

really old fashioned to get married these days people don't commit to one person

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel like one of the few who has never been married reading this!

As far as if I want to? I don't know currently. I'm not against but I'm also not planning it right now. I think I would possibly like to but more for legal rights. "

So really a see how it feels at the time? I think that's a good way to be. Some people are so desperate to be married they forget they need to wait for Mr Right not Mr Right Now (or Mrs!!!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think I know 2 couples who are as much in love now as they have ever been.

I might just buy myself a dress to do the housework in...or to vomit over whilst I read some of these posts.

Ha! Get a twirly one for dancing in?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

That is why I wanted to get married.

Oops I forgot to answer too

And has your view changed since then? "

I haven't answered properly either I've just been a bit savage.

I have never married because I have never met anyone who I want to give my heart too completely and eternally.

Someone who I can seriously see myself growing old with, sharing everything with and loving so much I could never look at anyone else they way I gaze at them. I want fireworks and all the romanctic feels.

So, until then...I will just hang around here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"really old fashioned to get married these days people don't commit to one person"

I was at a wedding the othercday and they definitely seem committed to just each other and have intentions to be that way forever. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

That is why I wanted to get married.

Oops I forgot to answer too

And has your view changed since then?

I haven't answered properly either I've just been a bit savage.

I have never married because I have never met anyone who I want to give my heart too completely and eternally.

So, until then...I will just hang around here.

Just you hang with us being awesome. We've got your back x

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

That is why I wanted to get married.

Oops I forgot to answer too

And has your view changed since then?

I haven't answered properly either I've just been a bit savage.

I have never married because I have never met anyone who I want to give my heart to completely and eternally.

So, until then...I will just hang around here.

Sorry for the typos, I may have got a bit carried away typing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

That is why I wanted to get married.

Oops I forgot to answer too

And has your view changed since then? "

well yes. Quite drastically considering that I find myself here.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I wouldn't marry again, I don't think I would have someone living with me either. Marraige nearly broke me, I felt confined and dominated. Ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm against allowing the government air time in my most committed human relationship...

So do you see it more as a formal event than a romantic one? "

I believe in love, unconditional unadulterated wild love...

I really have no need to get a very f'ed up legal system involved in something that will always be way more real than our fake human rules could ever be.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

Never?!

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

Never been married and never intend to, I don't think it means what it used to, more till divorce do us part these days. My relationship with my children's father broke down, so I don't think a piece of paper would've made it any better, just harder/more expensive to part.

Quite happy on my own, don't intend on getting involved with anyone past a casual basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got married the first time cos I wanted the big white wedding and although I had doubts I though they would be worked out once we were married.

The second time I got married I was led to believe that I would be more secure havin had a child with him. Now I know my mother didn't want the shame of a single mother as a daugther.

I'll never get married again.

PTU xxx

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

That is why I wanted to get married.

Oops I forgot to answer too

And has your view changed since then?

well yes. Quite drastically considering that I find myself here."

You need a new partner. I heard Darnell is hot

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I should answer I guess!

I got married at 17 purely out of love. I grew up in a fairly liberal family and I didn't really involve myself in society much to be concerned by "norms". I got married to show the world i completely belonged to this man and him to me. I wanted to be a unit with him. He was part of my family and I wanted it to be formally recognised.

My husband passed away and I spent a long time dealing with that. It hurt a lot and still does but it wouldn't put me off letting myself fall in love again or giving myself to someone in marriage because the way I felt at that time far outweighs any pain Ive felt since.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oops! I didn't answer the question as to why I got married.

That is why I wanted to get married.

Oops I forgot to answer too

And has your view changed since then?

well yes. Quite drastically considering that I find myself here."

Haha you could still feel the same but just be here for something extra!?

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?"

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wouldn't marry again, I don't think I would have someone living with me either. Marraige nearly broke me, I felt confined and dominated. Ms

But was that due to the person you were married to our the circumstances?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard"

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People give up too easily these days though, not like in our grandparents day when they stuck together through everything, but at the same time back in there day it was frowned upon and was something to be ashamed of, a lot of grandparents totally hate eachother by the time there old in there 80's / 90's and cant wait to see the back of eachother, they would have got divorced years ago if the views back in those days were different,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never been married. I do have very strong beliefs in the sanctity of it. There has only been one who I loved and respected enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them. Unfortunately we are too different, which caused our break up, but I'm lucky to still have him in my life as my best friend

I don't think I'll ever marry. I don't fall easy and it takes a lot for me to let my walls down enough to let them into my heart. I've come to terms with that. Though I do get pangs when I see two people married and completely in love.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm against allowing the government air time in my most committed human relationship...

So do you see it more as a formal event than a romantic one?

I believe in love, unconditional unadulterated wild love...

I really have no need to get a very f'ed up legal system involved in something that will always be way more real than our fake human rules could ever be."

So would you ever engage in any non legally binding rituals like hand binding just as a show of love?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Never been married and never intend to, I don't think it means what it used to, more till divorce do us part these days. My relationship with my children's father broke down, so I don't think a piece of paper would've made it any better, just harder/more expensive to part.

Quite happy on my own, don't intend on getting involved with anyone past a casual basis."

Would you be open to that changing if you met someone who swept you off your feet or would you hold them at arms length?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got married the first time cos I wanted the big white wedding and although I had doubts I though they would be worked out once we were married.

The second time I got married I was led to believe that I would be more secure havin had a child with him. Now I know my mother didn't want the shame of a single mother as a daugther.

I'll never get married again.

PTU xxx "

Third times always lucky though?!?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People give up too easily these days though, not like in our grandparents day when they stuck together through everything, but at the same time back in there day it was frowned upon and was something to be ashamed of, a lot of grandparents totally hate eachother by the time there old in there 80's / 90's and cant wait to see the back of eachother, they would have got divorced years ago if the views back in those days were different, "

Yeah I do agree with this to an extent. Its now socially acceptable to be divorced. Im pretty sure its a sign of society as a whole though, we're much more adept at making sure we're happy instead if sticking things out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have never been married. I do have very strong beliefs in the sanctity of it. There has only been one who I loved and respected enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them. Unfortunately we are too different, which caused our break up, but I'm lucky to still have him in my life as my best friend

The pangs are a sign! Maybe someone will give you them about your own relationship one day x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy. "

Anything that's easy soon becomes boring and of little long term value in my opinion.

Love has to be nurtured. I married for love. When we were tested instead of working on what we had and building we left it unattended and it went to shit.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy. "

Proper love isn't easy. Sometimes it's very difficult to love someone, even your children. But if it's genuine love, not the romance that we're fed in the media you keep at it because you know its worth it.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy.

Exactly!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy.

Anything that's easy soon becomes boring and of little long term value in my opinion.

Love has to be nurtured. I married for love. When we were tested instead of working on what we had and building we left it unattended and it went to shit."

I agree. I get bored easily. If there's nothing to work at it just becomes stale.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I (miss) have never wanted to marry,find it a bit outdated.

Jack has already been married in the past

Miss

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

Quite happy on my own, don't intend on getting involved with anyone past a casual basis.

Would you be open to that changing if you met someone who swept you off your feet or would you hold them at arms length? "

I'm not falling for that shite again. Lol. On the shelf and comfortable.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm against allowing the government air time in my most committed human relationship...

So do you see it more as a formal event than a romantic one?

I believe in love, unconditional unadulterated wild love...

I really have no need to get a very f'ed up legal system involved in something that will always be way more real than our fake human rules could ever be.

So would you ever engage in any non legally binding rituals like hand binding just as a show of love? "

Oh totally, it's just when people talk of marriage they mean the legal papers kind mostly even if they don't really believe in the formality side of it, they still mostly go down that route.

When I eventually find the man, who finds me and loved me as much as I do him, we won't need the formality of it all. I don't want to be owned, or own anyone. I want to be free of mind, spirit and body whilst loving someone as much as I love myself. Then I want us to grow, individually and as a unit and live happily ever after 80% of the time with an immensely awesome tantric sex life that helps us grow sexually in all directions till the day we both due lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not something on my to do list

Good luck to those who are or want to

But not something I've ever wanted to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy. "

But, but, but ...

She said "Love don't come easy!

It's a game of give and take...."

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

This thread sort of confirms my suspicions that the average person in this country is horrendously bad at choosing a life partner; and that the 43% divorce rate is largely driven by people that never should have married in the first place. I notice that not a single person has used the word 'values' on this thread. As in 'i chose my husband or wife because we have the same values'.

The people saying marriage is pointless or a 'piece of paper' are really not displaying a good grasp of the human condition. If you think rites of passage are pointless then i really don't think you understand cultures and societies very well.

The evidence into the subject shows that marriage is by far the most superior environment to raise children. Family breakdown occurs at rates 2-5x higher in unmarried couples than married ones, so there's your 'piece of paper' right there.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I think some people have strange views on marriage/partnership. One is financial.

It cost me £400 to end my 25 year marriage. I've just discovered my current partner, who I met on here four years ago, who moved into my house could claim hundreds and thousands from my estate.

It's already cost me several hundred pounds (more than my divorce) to see how I can prevent that from happening!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy.

But, but, but ...

She said "Love don't come easy!

It's a game of give and take....""

. People take me way too seriously sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread sort of confirms my suspicions that the average person in this country is horrendously bad at choosing a life partner; and that the 43% divorce rate is largely driven by people that never should have married in the first place. I notice that not a single person has used the word 'values' on this thread. As in 'i chose my husband or wife because we have the same values'.

I wouldn't call people swinging your average citizen... Peeps here are definitely a marginal fraction of society.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I'd like to think the reason our daughters grew up happy, successful and are in happy marriages of their own is due to their father and I.

We broke our marriage through grief but we never stopped being a family.

We displayed a united front raising our girls, there was no opportunity to play one against the other or point score. We never missed an open evening, recital, uni visit, graduation. Our daughters loved seeing us arrive together to visit them at uni, in their homes ect.

That piece of paper mattered at that time and it mattered to our girls that's why they're married.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I wouldn't call people swinging your average citizen... Peeps here are definitely a marginal fraction of society."

Fair point but i think a lot of the singles on here wouldn't identify as swingers. I have vanilla friends and i think their key reasons for choosing their wives were inertia, approval of friends and family, sexual attraction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think some peoples idea of marriage comes from the pages of romantic fiction.

By why cant it just be a romantic thing? What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong at all. Marraige is so not romantic in the long run, its hard

If its hard then why keep at it?my mum always said love should be easy.

But, but, but ...

She said "Love don't come easy!

It's a game of give and take...."

. People take me way too seriously sometimes "

....Oh yeah

Take this

Seriously

I know I am

And every word

Means something else more

Than the word before....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What you reading?"

"Marriage documents"

"Why?"

"Because I am not letting those assholes dictate who and cannot see me. You are my companion and you have a right to see me. So I want to marry you so my kids can never refuse you entry again"

And so they got became husband and wife not out of love, but companionship.

That is how I see marriage. Eternal companionship"

I love that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should answer I guess!

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

We've been together since our school days. Getting married, has never really appealed to us, we're happy as we are.

I think that after 20 odd years together, we've proved that we're committed.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Historically a marriage based on shared values is very unusual. It's mainly been about economics reproduction and family alliances

The divorce rate is much higher now that it used to be because people, in this country at least, have been liberated from religious and social coercion and have some degree of economic independence .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got married because my mother cried in Greggs the bakers. Drama queen.

She cried again when she realised we got married in secret.

Can't bloody win!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Historically a marriage based on shared values is very unusual. It's mainly been about economics reproduction and family alliances

The divorce rate is much higher now that it used to be because people, in this country at least, have been liberated from religious and social coercion and have some degree of economic independence ."

Interestingly we have shared values although some have changed as we have grown and now think differently to when we got married. However the values were implicit in our decision to marry. At no time in the decision process did we think - oh we have shared values so therefore it's worth getting married - I proposed to my wife because I realised one evening that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her....

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I met my husband at 24. I had already lived with someone for nearly 5 years. I met, got engaged, married within the year. My son arrived 2 months later.

I was divorced by 30.

It took me quite awhile after my divorce to realise im just not cut out for living with anyone. I love my space. I had another couple of nothing relationships that werent going anywhere. Then i met jay after a friendship blossomed into love BANG i knew is found my mr right. He understands why i wouldnt live with anyone because he feels exactly the same. We have completly the same ideas. We are a loving couple who worship each other. We just have no need to live together. Its been 11 years and works perfectly and ive never been so happy. Im not against marriage and wasnt put off but just realized cohabitating wasnt for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never been married and can't see myself ever getting married. I want a wedding and the party but don't want to be someone's wife. I'm a free spirit that likes my fun a freedom

I would never say never though if the right one came along.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Married at 21

Divorced by 23

Felt like I was missing a piece for twenty years. My finger felt empty too.

Now I'm married again I'm so happy. I love being married.

I married my wife because I want to be with her til I die and I love the whole 'married' feeling.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Historically a marriage based on shared values is very unusual. It's mainly been about economics reproduction and family alliances

The divorce rate is much higher now that it used to be because people, in this country at least, have been liberated from religious and social coercion and have some degree of economic independence .

Which values have changed if you don't mind me asking? Broadly speaking, most peoples values become almost fixed by their early twenties. So I'm genuinely interested which ones changed in your case.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Historically a marriage based on shared values is very unusual. It's mainly been about economics reproduction and family alliances

I agree that 'love' marriages are relatively new. I'm just yet to see any evidence they are actually better. I think the average arranged marriage works out better.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Historically a marriage based on shared values is very unusual. It's mainly been about economics reproduction and family alliances

The divorce rate is much higher now that it used to be because people, in this country at least, have been liberated from religious and social coercion and have some degree of economic independence .

I agree that 'love' marriages are relatively new. I'm just yet to see any evidence they are actually better. I think the average arranged marriage works out better. "

If by "working out better" you mean less likely to end in divorce that's probably because in cultures where arranged marriages are common, divorce tends to be taboo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I met my husband at 24. I had already lived with someone for nearly 5 years. I met, got engaged, married within the year. My son arrived 2 months later.

I was divorced by 30.

Good to hear this arrangement can work. I live in hope!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Marriage is like this..... hey i love you that much lets get the government involed..kinda creepy when you look at it like that

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Marriage is like this..... hey i love you that much lets get the government involed..kinda creepy when you look at it like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Historically a marriage based on shared values is very unusual. It's mainly been about economics reproduction and family alliances

The divorce rate is much higher now that it used to be because people, in this country at least, have been liberated from religious and social coercion and have some degree of economic independence .

I agree that 'love' marriages are relatively new. I'm just yet to see any evidence they are actually better. I think the average arranged marriage works out better. "

Perhaps influenced by the fact that societies which favour arranged marriages also frown on divorce?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, my definition of marital success is somewhat more stringent than simply not being divorced

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Marriage is like this..... hey i love you that much lets get the government involed..kinda creepy when you look at it like that

The government is involved in our lives at every turn. You register your children's birth, you have a national insurance number, you tax your car. Why is registering a partnership more creepy than that. Personally I find supermarket loyalty cards just as creepy."
its all creepy but some.of those things we have no choice like a birth certificate for example. But i do not need the government or a made up religion to prove i love a person

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By *im_66Woman
over a year ago

Bradford

I thought I was in love when we married. Turns out I was in love with the idea of being in love!

I did love him through, I just wasn't "IN LOVE" and we had a good run at it. 17 years and three fantastic children.

We decided to split after 8 years of celibacy, we had clearly just become friends and after 5 years apart we still are friends.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Marriage is like this..... hey i love you that much lets get the government involed..kinda creepy when you look at it like that

The government is involved in our lives at every turn. You register your children's birth, you have a national insurance number, you tax your car. Why is registering a partnership more creepy than that. Personally I find supermarket loyalty cards just as creepy. its all creepy but some.of those things we have no choice like a birth certificate for example. But i do not need the government or a made up religion to prove i love a person"

It's all a question of degree I suppose. We all sleep walk in to the system to a greater or lesser degree.

Lots of contributors think that people get married to prove something I don't see it that way myself. I think if you want to publicly show commitment to another person in the long term a joint mortgage is a much more significant statement.

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land

I'm married, currently divorcing (separated March 2015).

Looking back it's hard to pinpoint why we married, other than we were totally in love and both believed we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives.

We're getting divorced because he cheated. I strongly believed in marriage, it was a commitment we made to each other and to us it meant a strong unit in which to raise our family and I loved being husband and wife and took my vows very seriously, it wasn't always easy and there were a couple of occasions where things were difficult, but at those points we both believed we had something worth working on. I was crushed when our marriage ended. Not just by the betrayal, but at the total lack of respect in how I was treated, how do you do that to someone you once loved so much? I was very hurt that he just couldn't be honest with me and tell me how he felt, before he took the path he did.

Would I do it it again? No. I'm more of a realist now. How can I commit to knowing how I'll feel about someone in 5, 10, 15 years time and expect them to do the same?

I guess I don't think that I'll ever be able to trust anyone to make that kind of commitment to them, I just couldn't open myself up to being hurt so deeply by anyone again.

I do believe in love and to love and be loved is a wonderful thing, but quite how that will fit in to my life in the future, I don't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing against you girls, I think sometimes females just don't know what they want.

Sometimes you can't see what is in store even when it's right in front of you and almost totally under your control by influence.

Times have changed drastically is my first thought as to the trends in marriage, there's no one size fits all answer because everyone has a personality along with a brain and an arsehole.

I know what I want but it's getting there that I don't fully understand or grasp. I've nevery been good at organising short term.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got married 32 years ago,new from the start I'd found my soul mate.

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