FabSwingers.com forum: Dealing with depression

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How on earth does anybody manage long term . I'm 30 and spent 20% of my life in this revolving mess . Fed up of being in and out of councilling .

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

The truth is there's only one person who can beat this mess and quash it once and for all.

Getting there's the hard part.

Surround yourself with positive people and time will prevail.

All the best though bud

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankyou and I wish it was that easy but unfortunately memories just don't fade . The things iv seen and the things iv bee involved in are constantly just in my head . I get that I should 'let things go ' but how?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

23 years on medication and only just beginning to see what triggers my depression off. It takes a strong minded person to battle on. Get all the support you can and NEVER think you're weak if u need help . X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thankyou and I wish it was that easy but unfortunately memories just don't fade . The things iv seen and the things iv bee involved in are constantly just in my head . I get that I should 'let things go ' but how? "

You can't change your past but you can change your future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it just counselling, or are you on meds? Maybe a change of meds required.

If its particularly nasty things you're stuck with in your head, try going to a gym with a boxing bag.

Be safe out there. Its not easy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't change your past but you can change your future

"
it's hard letting go of memories but sometimes you have to for your own sanity. It's only you that is getting hurt by it all. I know. I've been there. Still find it difficult sometimes but it's true. You can't change the past but you can change the future x

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

Some fantastic positive comments on this thread and some good advice to OP.

I wish you well and look for the positive in things. That last sentence of mine sums up how I approach fab these days as well as other sections of my life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tried a few different meds and counselling with different people and I do try my best to let go. Gym helps at least while im there . I look at my little boy and i see this beautiful innocent small child and I realise I'm not worthy he's everything I'm not .i will always do my best by him but ultimately I know it will never be good enough unless I can over come my memories. Thankyou all for even bothering to reply I really not worth your time but as daft as it sounds I'm hoping just getting it off my chest willlift a weight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem with depression is the only cure is to pull yourself together and get on with it.

The one thing you should never say to someone with depression is pull yourself together and get on with it.

It's a bit shit really

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I wish it was that simple at least the irony of that comment afforded me a smile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At times I have been asked to write down all the hideous stuff as a vent from the mind.

I have very dark days but I know when I am having them. I have fantastic support around me at work so I can say to them if I am having a crisis episode and they will keep me occupied and help me through.

Sadly mental health is still taboo and cutbacks, by every government, mean that the treatment that people need is a lottery.

I wish you well OP. It is a bitch when your mind isn't playing fair.

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"Tried a few different meds and counselling with different people and I do try my best to let go. Gym helps at least while im there . I look at my little boy and i see this beautiful innocent small child and I realise I'm not worthy he's everything I'm not .i will always do my best by him but ultimately I know it will never be good enough unless I can over come my memories. Thankyou all for even bothering to reply I really not worth your time but as daft as it sounds I'm hoping just getting it off my chest willlift a weight"

On the contrary I believe that it is worth my time replying. You can and will change it, you have already taken some great steps.

You are worth it, never worthless. Remember that.

It took me time to believe that myself and whilst not depression I only used to only see an ogre looking back at me until I discovered my own self worth and confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course you're worthy, you're his world. We all doubt ourselves at times, maybe ask yourself what you would do if he was having these feelings, what advice would you give him? Be proud of what he's become that you admire so much, because you have contributed to that. You'll find a way

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

The fact that you have a beautiful little boy should help lift your spirits. He depends on you to be a good daddy, which you are. Concentrate on him as well as yourself and good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How on earth does anybody manage long term . I'm 30 and spent 20% of my life in this revolving mess . Fed up of being in and out of councilling . "

Have you tried yoga along with counselling and meds? I found it really helpful x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meds, counselling and consistency mate

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

Counselling isn't for everybody, I've done online CBT through 'let's talk' and 1to1 through Joan Pickard.

Your GP may have some other options, I have regular appointments with mine when I'm really struggling (2 weekly)

Miranda house have the emergency number and can arrange an appointment for you to see them.

Andy's man club can be found on Facebook and they have a group in hull that meet on Mondays at 7pm I think.

Don't be afraid to talk and get help. Stay safe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How on earth does anybody manage long term . I'm 30 and spent 20% of my life in this revolving mess . Fed up of being in and out of councilling . "
have being in your shoes and its fucking hell but I am threw my demons and you will get there keep fighting it the smaller it will get. Thinking about your past is like being on a rocking horse uses up all your energy and gets you no where. Keep going

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"Counselling isn't for everybody, I've done online CBT through 'let's talk' and 1to1 through Joan Pickard.

Your GP may have some other options, I have regular appointments with mine when I'm really struggling (2 weekly)

Miranda house have the emergency number and can arrange an appointment for you to see them.

Andy's man club can be found on Facebook and they have a group in hull that meet on Mondays at 7pm I think.

Don't be afraid to talk and get help. Stay safe

I can recommend Andysmanclub. I know a couple of people that have been on the one in Leigh and they speak really highly of the support and being able to talk about it with likeminded people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depression is so complex. And it effects everyone differently.

I'm a true believe that meds and therapy go hand in hand. St least to begging with.

16 years suffering and different medication I finally for onto meds that worked and a therapy that worked.

It's difficult sometimes to use skills you learn through therapy and counselling. It's difficult. Exause usong those skies is going the long way around. Where as using destructive behaviours can be quicker and easier. But the consequences are far worse.

Looking at the ripple effect. If you use the skills learned, even though it's the longer route, the consequences and outcomes are much better.

Engage and speak with people there to help you. Remember that you deserve help as so people with arthritis, diabetes, epilepsy, broken leg. Just because you can't see what is wrong. Doesn't mean you don't need help.

Be mindful of things in life and take time to self soothe. To distract. To heal yourself.

You have got to this point which means you can do it because you already are doing it.

The past has happened. No matter what you do or say will ever change that. The future hasn't happened yet. Live in the moment.

Heal and look after yourself. Only then can you move forward. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Own it every feelining every emotion just say yep that's how I feel and own it . Accept who u r yes u feel like shit then think of 5 things that u can smell , 4 things u can touch , 3 things u can see , 2 things u can hear ,1 thing taste . You don't have do do it in that order mix it , take charge it's fucking hard to let go of negetive because it's easy to believe in but there is positive .

Put music on and dance like u can't be seen really let yourself go

Face head on what you can't handle and tackle it bit by bit , so what if it's shit it's the fact that you are taking control and owning it and saying yep I feel like your winning but I have taken control , doesn't matter how big or how little you have done it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depression is so complex. And it effects everyone differently.

I'm a true believe that meds and therapy go hand in hand. St least to begging with.

16 years suffering and different medication I finally for onto meds that worked and a therapy that worked.

Looking at the ripple effect. If you use the skills learned, even though it's the longer route, the consequences and outcomes are much better.

Be mindful of things in life and take time to self soothe. To distract. To heal yourself.

You have got to this point which means you can do it because you already are doing it.

The past has happened. No matter what you do or say will ever change that. The future hasn't happened yet. Live in the moment.

Heal and look after yourself. Only then can you move forward. Xx"

Please excuse my typing. My heart ran away with me before I could spell check

Waffle xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Counselling isn't for everybody, I've done online CBT through 'let's talk' and 1to1 through Joan Pickard.

Your GP may have some other options, I have regular appointments with mine when I'm really struggling (2 weekly)

Miranda house have the emergency number and can arrange an appointment for you to see them.

Andy's man club can be found on Facebook and they have a group in hull that meet on Mondays at 7pm I think.

Don't be afraid to talk and get help. Stay safe

Andy's man club is absolutely fantastic. I also have pleasure of saying that Luke is someone I know in 'vanilla life' he has really brought mental health to the forefront x

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

Meditation can help too, I've used guided meditation to help with anxiety and insomnia as well as depression.

The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by Mark Williams, also available as an audio book with guided meditation by Jon Kabat Zinn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Highly recommend this book:

Reasons to stay alive

By Matt haig

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a positive person, But even I had this when my Dad died .. It was about two years really for me ... And no one but me could help me sort this I felt , I did not go see no one now I wish I had as I felt alone ,It Was like a back hole I could not get out just felt like it everyday. So I do feel for people who have this and feel counselling from the right people would help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hesitate to say this, but in my journey it has been true.

Convention and various forms of cbt etc. All say open up face your demons, tell your story. That just screwed me up, the meds messed me up more.

My route has been to build walls, compartmentalise the trauma and forget it, they are not perfect, but allowed me to get on with life. Which was better than the options on offer.

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"Counselling isn't for everybody, I've done online CBT through 'let's talk' and 1to1 through Joan Pickard.

Your GP may have some other options, I have regular appointments with mine when I'm really struggling (2 weekly)

Miranda house have the emergency number and can arrange an appointment for you to see them.

Andy's man club can be found on Facebook and they have a group in hull that meet on Mondays at 7pm I think.

Don't be afraid to talk and get help. Stay safe

Andy's man club is absolutely fantastic. I also have pleasure of saying that Luke is someone I know in 'vanilla life' he has really brought mental health to the forefront x "

Luke has done fantastic work alongside people like Danny Sculthorpe (for State of Mind).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depression can hit anybody at any time,one minute i was fine,the next a complete stranger to myself,after the proper medication and a great doctor,i can finally see a light at the end of a dark tunnel ive been through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knowing any triggers you might have goes a long way, I know most of mine, but it didn't stop me having a bout that lasted nearly 6 months, it's trial and error, I've been suicidal, but I just tried to keep it at the fore of my mind that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

Ironically I'm really struggling and should listen to my own advice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't change your past but you can change your future

it's hard letting go of memories but sometimes you have to for your own sanity. It's only you that is getting hurt by it all. I know. I've been there. Still find it difficult sometimes but it's true. You can't change the past but you can change the future x"

If it's PTSD, it's easier said than done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How on earth does anybody manage long term . I'm 30 and spent 20% of my life in this revolving mess . Fed up of being in and out of councilling .

Have you tried yoga along with counselling and meds? I found it really helpful x"

Mindfulness, sleep hygiene, exercise, distractions, talking therapies, meds, nutrition... All are helpful.

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By *rowleyMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I suffered a bad bout of depression and anxiety last year. It made me confront some things I had been ignoring and through talking with my doctor, a therapist and doing CBT all helped me.

I avoided taking antidepressants for as long as I could, but ended up on them but only for a short time as I felt they made things worse and effected my sleep even more.

After what I went through I feel I now have tools in place that I can identify and stop myself going down that path again. I still get down from time to time, but I know I can't keep it all bottled up and I know I have a good support system about me that can help.

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By *wingtolifeCouple
over a year ago

who knows

[Removed by poster at 22/07/17 23:41:54]

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By *wingtolifeCouple
over a year ago

who knows

Too many people rely on meds or get hooked on them.

They can be a quick fix but can fuck you up too.

Id suggest mindfulness, turn off tv,dont watch news, read newspapers etc,

cbt, meditation,hypnosis, changing the mindset, diet, getting out into nature.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to be honest this probably isn't the best place to deal with this line of questioning. You need to seek professional advice and its a long and rocky path, hopefully you have great friends and family to support you through, but remember happiness is objective and with the right support is achievable by all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to be honest this probably isn't the best place to deal with this line of questioning. You need to seek professional advice and its a long and rocky path, hopefully you have great friends and family to support you through, but remember happiness is objective and with the right support is achievable by all."

I think anyone speaking out in any form they're comfortable with, is better than them bottling it up sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your difficulties are stemming from traumatic memories and counselling is not helping then I suggest you ask for targeted help for ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder). The techniques that have been succesful for ptsd are different to those used in treating general depression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Too many people rely on meds or get hooked on them.

They can be a quick fix but can fuck you up too.

Id suggest mindfulness, turn off tv,dont watch news, read newspapers etc,

cbt, meditation,hypnosis, changing the mindset, diet, getting out into nature.

While you have made some good suggestions it has to be said that medication does have a place when prescribed correctly. Yes too many doctors issue prescriptions too freely. And medication is known to work better in conjunction with talking therapies. But some people benefit greatly from appropriate medication and that fact is backed by research evidence.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

No but hopefully it helps him knowing he's not alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

https://www.youtube.com/user/SPARTANLIFECOACH/videos

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"How on earth does anybody manage long term . I'm 30 and spent 20% of my life in this revolving mess . Fed up of being in and out of councilling . "

Clinical depression - to my understanding - is a chemical imbalance in the brain and not the deep melancholy that is brought on by recalling bad times.

I'm not sure I see the value in counselling apart from it allowing people to talk through their memories, questions etc and come to their own conclusions.

I also believe that the modern day habit of expecting there to be an external 'fixer' for all the shit things that happen in life leads people to dependency and lack of resilience and self belief.

At the end of any day there is only one person that can steer your life.

If I were you I'd get yourself on some 'raising self esteem' courses or 'worry' courses. The type that tell you what is worth worrying about and what isn't.

Sometimes people say they are depressed when in fact they are just needy , dependable whiners who want others to do the doing for them all the time.

Try to do something you like each day. Say something good about yourself each day. Count the good things about you. Soon they will occupy most of your thinking.

We are who we think we are after all.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I would hazard a guess that most parents with or without mental health issues feel like that. We are all products of our history and it's how we choose to let that affect us that's important.

My mantra now is 'know better, do better'.

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By *rby38Man
over a year ago

Stoke row

Depression is a complex thing as already mentioned it affects us all differently and we all have to find our own coping mechanisms, the only thing I can offer you is time. You are in the here and now which can hurt particularly if painful memories are fairly fresh, in time things will change as there is no quick fix and to be honest quick fixes can do more harm than good.

Thing is it's very easy to speak, like another poster said pull yourself together but that's the worst advice, again it's so complex as we are all so individual. I was lucky I had family to support me although at the time when they offered/tried to give that support I refused it and got worse. I only improved when I sought that support out off my own back.

I am older now and have over 15 years learned to deal with my depression to the point I just embrace it and move on, sure the memories are still there but softened by time and the realisation that life is surprising.

Although recently I had a very bad accident which was life changing and began to suffer from ptsd, now the hardest thing with mental health issues is context, I knew what was happening to me but felt I was pathetic because the reality of what I was going through compared to others.... the mind is a curious thing.

Anyway I am waffling, and just want to share because sometimes knowing your not alone helps, but having been there you feel alone no matter how many people try to reach out to you.

If you ever want to chat in private to someone who doesn't know you feel free to pm me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel the same iv never had or been really depressed when I have been down in my past iv always had friends to get me past it but I got into trouble with the police after doing something really stubid and iv lost everyone through it I'm left with bout 3 friends my sister parents iv had to move to somewhere no1 knows me my ex partner of nearly 10 years does want much to do with me I see my kids for few hrs a week and I don't think I can take much more I get so frustrated I just end up punching my self I just don't deserve to be here anymore

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Iha ve suffered depression on and off a few years,after several family losses .

I had cbt,which didnt really help .I then had interpersonal therapy (ipt) which focused on the areas that i struggled with ,which for me was grief.

I still have odd bad days and always will,but changed my meds too and feel much more positive.

Its a horrible thing to go through op,sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

Mindfulness apps helped me too.

Good luck.miss xx

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I feel the same iv never had or been really depressed when I have been down in my past iv always had friends to get me past it but I got into trouble with the police after doing something really stubid and iv lost everyone through it I'm left with bout 3 friends my sister parents iv had to move to somewhere no1 knows me my ex partner of nearly 10 years does want much to do with me I see my kids for few hrs a week and I don't think I can take much more I get so frustrated I just end up punching my self I just don't deserve to be here anymore "

Contact the Samaritans now.

116 123

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about finding the right key to open the right door. Once you find the way out you'll feel much better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How on earth does anybody manage long term . I'm 30 and spent 20% of my life in this revolving mess . Fed up of being in and out of councilling . "

Listened to this following Ted Talk in YouTube by Daniel Amen "The most important lesson 83000 brain scans".

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Iv got to say thankyou for all your supportive messages . I don't speak easily to those who know me and don't really have people I can trust and rely on . At least here I found a way to get it off my chest being faceless to most of you . It's also a great help knowing I'm not alone thankyou x

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

If it's that bad counselling won't help, you'll need further therapy to help deal with those memories.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

that sounds more like PTSD which is brought on by traumatic events.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive been battling clinical depression most of my life although didn't have it officially diagnosed until 2006. had different meds, counselling, I have learnt to try and take one day at a time. im still learning how to cope with it. as others have said, we all cope differently. the fact you have reached out on here is a big step. do what feels right for you but explore all the options. the main thing to remember is YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are who you think you are won't work-

I want to be taller / not have cancer / stop bleeding....

You need external medication and help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Contact the Samaritans now.

116 123"

I wouldn't even know where to start baby hope your ok x

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By *0shades 2000Man
over a year ago

coleraine

It's a tough thing to beat mate a constant battle on a daily baisis

I know this sounds easy for me to say but there are ways of coping... I find that listening to certain music makes me feel better something upbeat and gets the adrenaline pumping...

Take it one day at a time dude don't rush yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Highly recommend this book:

Reasons to stay alive

By Matt haig

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By *tep121Man
over a year ago

manchester

Been suffering with it last 4 years. Easiest thing for me is to keep your mind active. Get a hobby is probably the best thing. I've took up mountain biking to help and it's helped me a bit. Other times I've been working n actually asked for extra shifts at work, just so I don't have to go home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to read your thread, I can relate to it.

Although I don't necessarily practice what I preach, some of the posts about 'Mindfulness' & 'Medititation' I believe are probably the best things that you can do.

As for counselling & therapy, it is sadly a lottery what you may or may not get.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How on earth does anybody manage long term . I'm 30 and spent 20% of my life in this revolving mess . Fed up of being in and out of councilling . "

What are you depressed about? Sort out the root cause

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a friend in this situation. It can be very hard sometimes - just don't give up! There are always people that want to help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The truth is there's only one person who can beat this mess and quash it once and for all.

Getting there's the hard part.

Surround yourself with positive people and time will prevail.

All the best though bud

I'm a bit down at the moment and I agree, don't let it beat you..

I could have quite easily hit the bottle or some medication but I chose to fight it, get myself round genuine people who'll encourage and support me.. I'm using it as an opportunity to change me as a person and improve my life.

I will admit though, I've always struggled sleeping and this matter has made it worse, so I might get some Nytol.. 2 weeks with no sleep is beginning to effect me now.

Chin up, you can do it. Harry

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