FabSwingers.com forum: What to do ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well a couple of you know already, but to those of you who don't, one of my close friends died late on last week.

We are having a bit of a nightmare to arrange a funeral !

He was a member of a small church and it was his wish for his funeral service to be held by that church.

They only have a small number of chapels in the UK and none of them (except one) are what we might call a traditional church building - which is the 1 local to us.

My friend wanted burying from that church but the Bishop is now putting obstacles in the way.

First 'excuse' was that the church was not large enough to hold a funeral party.

We then suggested a compromise and suggested that closest friends go to the church for the religious service and the remainder can meet at the crematorium.

We were then told 'the church access is currently limited and is inadequate for coffin access'

The church has suggested they hold the religious part of the service in a hotel !

This doesn't sit well and we have said 'no'

So we are now in stalemate and are wondering which is better, to go along with the Church's suggestion (which seems just 'wrong' to those of us closest to him) or to just go ahead with the service in a mainstream church and therefore risk going against my friends wishes.

We have asked the Bishop if he would conduct the service within an affiliated church and he has refused to do it anywhere but the hotel or in another of their parishes - the nearest of which is in Yorkshire !

Not a nice position to be put in I can tell ya !

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

What about a memorial service after the service

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Filled with milk of human kindness, this Bishop eh!..not what you need at such a time..

Does sound a clusterfuck..

No easy answers here chap..

Sorry fer your loss..

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Sorry for your loss and difficulties. I have had to arrange two funerals recently and understand. May I ask...if your friend was a regular at the church would he not have been aware that they do not hold funeral services there? If it is deemed unsuitable then because of insurance purposes health and safety kicks in and they will not budge. If he was determined to have a member of that clergy hold the service I don't see that you are left with much choice. A hotel or cremation service maybe followed by a rememberance one in church. I'm sure your friend would understand that you did your best and not want to put you through extra heartache at this difficult time. Good luck. Hope you find a happy compromise. Try to forcus on the main thig of celebrating his life rather than the details.

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry for your loss and difficulties. I have had to arrange two funerals recently and understand. May I ask...if your friend was a regular at the church would he not have been aware that they do not hold funeral services there? If it is deemed unsuitable then because of insurance purposes health and safety kicks in and they will not budge. If he was determined to have a member of that clergy hold the service I don't see that you are left with much choice. A hotel or cremation service maybe followed by a rememberance one in church. I'm sure your friend would understand that you did your best and not want to put you through extra heartache at this difficult time. Good luck. Hope you find a happy compromise. Try to forcus on the main thig of celebrating his life rather than the details.

Mistress x"

He was a 'regular' at his local church but that isn't sanctified / certified to hold funerals or marriages.

The chapel he wanted it at is the newest within the church and was only sanctified last week a couple of days before he died.

We all kinda said when he died that it was if he had held on til he knew it had been done.

A memorial is already planned and a trip to Whitby where he wanted to be 'scattered', so I think we will end up gritting or teeth / biting our tongues and going along with the churches wishes for the purposes of the funeral and then excluding them from the memorial.

I tell ya what tho - if I wasn't cynical of religion prior to this, I most certainly am now !

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