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Negatives over positives?

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By *yldstyle OP   Woman
over a year ago

A world of my own

Why is it far easier to believe something negative than something positive about yourself?

I was married to a man who for years passed comments, made digs and made me feel bad about myself. It's been almost 9 years since we separated and some wonderful experiences and people since, yet his words still haunt me. I still struggle to accept a compliment, I still doubt when someone says something nice.

I know I'm not the only one on here. So I wonder why is that it's far easier to believe a negative rather than a positive?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know why we do it, but I've always got a negative voice in my head putting me down. It's horrible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're naturally self critical. Someone like your ex will pick on your insecurities and use them against you knowing exactly the things you will believe.

Apparently its cultural too, us British are too humble to accept compliments!

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

because you're focusing on what he said, rather than why he said it.

also, might be that the compliments you get don't actually mean anything? most of mine are vapid to say the least.

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

IMO some people think their criticism is constructive, but don't realise they're actually conditioning and causing long term damage

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By *inxy777Woman
over a year ago

essex

Same here, no matter what nice thing is said to me in my head It saying something different.

I get to the point I tell people to stop saying nice things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am the other way round I always try to focus on the positive.

For me personally negativity drags me down and i dont like it and i have learnt how not to focus on it and get rid of it.

So these days its onwards and upwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Businesses do the same. They take complaints more serious before a compliment or recommendation.

It's just human I guess. I find it hard to ignore bad comments, I remember every single one against me. The compliments, not so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think as a nation we tend to be quite self-depreciating which is probably linked to our underdog supporting tendencies.

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By *irestorm 500Couple
over a year ago

coventry


"Why is it far easier to believe something negative than something positive about yourself?

I was married to a man who for years passed comments, made digs and made me feel bad about myself. It's been almost 9 years since we separated and some wonderful experiences and people since, yet his words still haunt me. I still struggle to accept a compliment, I still doubt when someone says something nice.

I know I'm not the only one on here. So I wonder why is that it's far easier to believe a negative rather than a positive? "

I had that type of marriage, we led separate lives for over 8 years and apart for the last year, I find it easier as I don't want to ever get hurt again x Storm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why is it far easier to believe something negative than something positive about yourself?

I was married to a man who for years passed comments, made digs and made me feel bad about myself. It's been almost 9 years since we separated and some wonderful experiences and people since, yet his words still haunt me. I still struggle to accept a compliment, I still doubt when someone says something nice.

I know I'm not the only one on here. So I wonder why is that it's far easier to believe a negative rather than a positive? "

I was married for 22 years to a manipulative, emotionally abusive man. He cheated on me continually and fed me up, made me believe that no one else would want me. Have been separated for 2 years now, but the damage he has done is taking a long time to repair.

I also don't do compliments very well, and criticise myself constantly. It's a hard habit to break, because we all have natural dislikes of part of us, and the words we are used to feed into that. We're not vain people so it is easier to think bad things about ourselves because it's comfortable. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe because in a relationship at some point along the line we get far less positive comments than negative and hearing so many negative comments make you believe it. When you start to feel bad about yourself in a relationship .. then its time to end it and move on. In my opinion.

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By *3gam4nMan
over a year ago

wrexham

I too was in a relationship in which verbal psychological abuse was norm and casual. It wasn't always that way but that's what it become. I had huge body complexes and sense of inferiority and was very harsh to myself. A counseler once asked me what kind of a friend I was... even at my lowest I will always be there for my friends, support and encourage them: help them see a positive for every negative! "Amazing-he said-be that friend to yourself, hear how you are talking to yourself and be your own best friend" and that has really helped me belive it or not.... we are our own worst enemy and at times, we soeak to ourselves like we would never speak to others...

Compliments are also hard to take because puerile compliment you to butter you up for some reason...

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

We brits struggle with compliments anyway.. We are a nation of self deprecating, slightly sarcastic individuals..

It's no wonder that we struggle with focusing on our positives, happier to concentrate on what we see as bad points..

That doesn't however make it right for others to put us down, as you suffered at the hands of your ex.

Try not to dwell on the negatives, if they do exist, they are very trivial and most people take no notice of them..

And as for any comments made by a horrible person, treat them with the contempt they deserve, they were made through his insecurities being aimed at you..

Christina probably says it best..

https://youtu.be/eAfyFTzZDMM

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Sorry but victimhood is a state of mind. If you take your self worth from a narrow source of external ques then that's the mistake, not whether they were positive or negative.

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