FabSwingers.com forum: Finding balance

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do people find the balance between forgiving people / giving them another chance and just being a total pushover that gets the piss taken again and again ... i dont necessarily mean on fab ...

i reckon i was a pushover for too long earlier in life but worry i have now become a bit of a bitch tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm far too easy going, but only last week, two friends took the piss out of my age for an entire car journey, I ended up pulling over and telling them to get out, I don't mind a bit of banter but there's only so much I'll take before I snap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do people find the balance between forgiving people / giving them another chance and just being a total pushover that gets the piss taken again and again ... i dont necessarily mean on fab ...

i reckon i was a pushover for too long earlier in life but worry i have now become a bit of a bitch tbh

Imagine you're looking at yourself through the eyes of someone else. How do they see you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm far too easy going, but only last week, two friends took the piss out of my age for an entire car journey, I ended up pulling over and telling them to get out, I don't mind a bit of banter but there's only so much I'll take before I snap."

God, you aren't old! Hope they begged for forgiveness!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im not a bitch. Im really laid back in real life but people know what i will and wont put up with. If someone pisses me off there just gone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do people find the balance between forgiving people / giving them another chance and just being a total pushover that gets the piss taken again and again ... i dont necessarily mean on fab ...

i reckon i was a pushover for too long earlier in life but worry i have now become a bit of a bitch tbh

Imagine you're looking at yourself through the eyes of someone else. How do they see you? "

Depends who the person is tbh ... but thats already what prompted the post ... but then they are one of the afore mentioned piss takers too so i can live with that

But what i maybe realised is ive let lives collective piss takers maybe make me a bit quick to snap at anyone

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

My family are well known for bearing grudges; we'd give the Mafia a run for its money. So once you've gone past the line then that's it. No backsies.

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By *iscean MaleMan
over a year ago

Darlaston

Being a 'bitch' is a relative word.. the people who care and mean something to you will like you for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do people find the balance between forgiving people / giving them another chance and just being a total pushover that gets the piss taken again and again ... i dont necessarily mean on fab ...

i reckon i was a pushover for too long earlier in life but worry i have now become a bit of a bitch tbh

Imagine you're looking at yourself through the eyes of someone else. How do they see you?

Depends who the person is tbh ... but thats already what prompted the post ... but then they are one of the afore mentioned piss takers too so i can live with that

But what i maybe realised is ive let lives collective piss takers maybe make me a bit quick to snap at anyone

I do that too. If they are your friends they will understand. You're human same as us all.

Try and figure out why they are taking the piss. Maybe they are jealous or having a shit time in their life and displacing that into you.

If they are just a dick head, smile sweetly and say nothing. It pisses them off much more as they want a reaction. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly if you having issues with people on FAB just ignore them (block) it's really not worth the energy dealing with them. Doubly true for time wasters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God, you aren't old! Hope they begged for forgiveness! "

They're both in their 20s, from our fight club, at training again yesterday, it was uncomfortable for them, not forgiven and they've not asked for it so won't be giving them lifts anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a middle ground you know, you don't have to become a bitch to prevent being a pushover.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly if you having issues with people on FAB just ignore them (block) it's really not worth the energy dealing with them. Doubly true for time wasters."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've known people who are so determined not to be a pushover they're cutting ties left, right & centre and taking the stance no more. However they're the ones that also appear to be the unhappiest in life......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On fab, there's two people who I count as actual, proper friends. Off fab, I have perhaps half a dozen true real friends.

With those few, if I have an issue with them we'll discuss it and fix it, likewise if they have an issue with me.

Aside from those friends and my family, I'm happy to drop idiots without very much thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some will be purposely aggressive for whatever reason just ignore move on in life they irrelevant even if they think the forums revolve around them..

and for real life choose your friends and have nothing to do with others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've known people who are so determined not to be a pushover they're cutting ties left, right & centre and taking the stance no more. However they're the ones that also appear to be the unhappiest in life......"

Agree. It's easily done though. When someone has hurt you, it can be an automatic reaction to lash out at everyone. It can be difficult finding the middle ground, especially if no-one gives a shit and actually shows they care. But then the people being lashed out at will also start lashing out.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

In real life I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt initially. I'm sure there are times when that has made me appear to be a bit of a pushover but there are ways and means of resolving conflict.

On Fab? No seconded chances.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"
They dont have to have hurt you to piss you off. Also you dont have toy lash out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always tend to give people benefit of the doubt even 3rd and fourth chances but their is always limit and when that limit is reach i cut those people out of my life like they didnt exist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never got to the stage of cutting ties. I find forgiveness the best strategy for me. I'd like to feel when I've annoyed others or hurt them in some way they'd forgive me too. However not everyone does.

There are times when I need to confront the hurtful behaviour which I do, if I feel the conflict is worth having and resolving. Otherwise I have friends and family, who will listen or at least put up with it if I blow off steam to avoid open warfare.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do people find the balance between forgiving people / giving them another chance and just being a total pushover that gets the piss taken again and again ... i dont necessarily mean on fab ...

i reckon i was a pushover for too long earlier in life but worry i have now become a bit of a bitch tbh

On Fab I don't...I drop them without a second thought.

In real life it doesn't really happen to me - not because I'm a bitch but I'm confident, assertive and know how to say 'No'. But I have in the past cut ties with a toxic relative and also a good friend, not because their behaviour was affecting me, but it was impacting on my family.

I would say that if there's anyone in your life who makes you feel less of a person, takes you for granted, negatively affects how you feel about yourself or uses you to their own ends, then you need to change how you respond to them in order to change their behaviour towards you. Instead of a direct 'No' which by itself is a negative reply (and invites a 'Why not?'), try saying things like 'Actually that doesn't work for me', 'I'm already committed so you'll need to ask someone else', I'm not happy/comfortable/available to do that', 'You've let me down before and I'm not prepared to take that risk again'. Not aggressive, rude or bitchy but firm, polite responses that can be said with a smile. And followed up with an 'I said "No" and I meant it' if they attempt to persuade you otherwise

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i don't forgive. i'm laid back enough as it is so if someone takes the piss they really overstepped the mark and i don't forgive them.

it doesn't hurt me not to forgive either, they did something wrong and i don't dwell on it but i remember not to trust them again. i don't buy into the bullshit that not forgiving is harmful to yourself, it only is if you dwell on what they did and blame yourself and feel like you have to forgive them.

you could google about toxic people and how to deal with them, there'll be loads of different ways to do that depending on what they are doing. you could learn how not to feel guilty about saying no as well maybe? and learn manipulation techniques that people do to make you feel like bad enough to do what they want you to do, once you can see how people can manipulate you it becomes a lot easier to understand them and not to care about what they want.

trust is a big deal i think, people need to earn it. if they do not then that's their problem now and shouldn't be yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's only yourself who can stop yourself be a pushover. To be walked over in life you have to lie down and be the doormat.

If you don't like something, change it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There's only yourself who can stop yourself be a pushover. To be walked over in life you have to lie down and be the doormat.

If you don't like something, change it."

See i think this is what i did ... and now i look at my reactions sometimes and dont always like how abrupt i have been (generally something i see with hindsight)

To the poster who mention there being a middle ground ... this is exactly what i am steuggling to find ... i seem to have gone from one extreme to the other missing the middle completely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i don't forgive. i'm laid back enough as it is so if someone takes the piss they really overstepped the mark and i don't forgive them.

trust is a big deal i think, people need to earn it. if they do not then that's their problem now and shouldn't be yours."

I think I've been fortunate never to have anyone toxic 'close enough' in my life to have to deal with them. I know a few but only from a safe distance

The only person who really deeply hurt me was a supposedly good friend in my teenage years. I never understood why he did what he did, but I don't feel any bitterness towards him now. I dealt with my anger and feelings of betrayal many years ago, so I think I've forgiven him. I'd happily chat to him if I bumped into him again.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I forgive but don't always forget. I don't have friends.

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