FabSwingers.com forum: Is it right to go to a wedding without your partner?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm asking as myself and a friend are off to another close friend's wedding next weekend.

My non-engaged friend was initially set to attend, but out of the blue he said he might not be able to make it.I pried around a bit, and eventually he told me that it is because his gf of 3 years has not been invited.

This because my engaged friend's fiancee has only met the woman once or twice.

I said to him why doesn't he just attend? Surely it's not a big thing if his gf does not know the bride, but apparently when he raised this it set off a huge argument which she feels might 'make or break' the relationship.

So my question is:

Is it right to go to a wedding if your fairly long term partner has not been invited?

Or should all guys/girls automatically decline on principal?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'd say it was fine. I have a different circle of friends to my husband and I wouldn't have any issues with either of us going to a wedding without the other.

Maybe your friends gf thinks she is missing out. A lot if women suffer with FOMO!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Weddings can be increadibly expensive and intimate affairs. I think personally, the guest list is entirely down to the bride and groom and if you have a problem with it then you should decline politely not raising the fact you have an issue as I've seen it cause major issues.

Is it right to attend an event without your long term partner? Yes, why not? Just because you've been with someone a while or even married does not mean that you're joined at the hip and would not attend an event without them. You wouldn't expect the gf to go on the stag do would you? Same thing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Of cause its ok. Your not joined at the hip im sure you can manage a day without them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they both agree that it is acceptable, then it is acceptable

- Mrs. J -

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't see how they can be that close friends if the fiancée doesn't know his girlfriend of three years that well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And a wedding and a stag do are not the same thing at all

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reckon as long as it's not your wedding it's probably OK.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've said all this to him. I'm afraid he'll roll over and just not attend as his gf hasn't been invited and he does not want to risk her ending the relationship over it.

I've said maybe he should call the bluff, if she can't handle the fact that he is not betraying her in doing this then maybe she is not mentally grown up enough for him.

I did pitch to him that if he doesn't attend he'll likely end up resenting his gf or himself.

And I understand that she is upset as the wedding his on her bf's birthday and the bride never took well to her, so she probably feels like her partner is siding with someone who is trying to break them up.

But surely she can see through this an realises that if he does not go it will be bad for their relationship?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"I'm asking as myself and a friend are off to another close friend's wedding next weekend.

This because my engaged friend's fiancee has only met the woman once or twice.

So my question is:

Is it right to go to a wedding if your fairly long term partner has not been invited?

Or should all guys/girls automatically decline on principal?

Don't overthink it, it's the people getting marrieds day and up to them who they invite.

Go if you like them and want to be part of the day, don't go if you feel pissed off at what's happened

Life's to short to worry, be happy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't see how they can be that close friends if the fiancée doesn't know his girlfriend of three years that well."

The bride and his gf never hit it off well the first time they met, I think he avoided putting them in the same room together.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have other people's other halves been invited to the wedding?

Is his girlfriend the only partner not invited?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have other people's other halves been invited to the wedding?

Is his girlfriend the only partner not invited?"

Its hit and miss. All of the bride and groom's family have been allowed a plus one. I imagine that is protocol though.

Some friends have had their partners invited alongside, by name, other's have not. Usually those who have been invited are people the bride is close with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That sounds like far too much drama to be in anyones life. The Girlfriend should grow up and realise they can do different things apart and if she's seriously contemplating finishing the relationship over this then it's probably going to do your friend a favour in the long term.

Unfortunately though people have to make their own decisions and even if you can see its a mistake you still need to respect that.

Ginger

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That sounds like far too much drama to be in anyones life. The Girlfriend should grow up and realise they can do different things apart and if she's seriously contemplating finishing the relationship over this then it's probably going to do your friend a favour in the long term.

Unfortunately though people have to make their own decisions and even if you can see its a mistake you still need to respect that.

Ginger "

Yup

I had a friend who tried to break me a a partner up several years ago, biggest mistake, I clung onto that relationship despite the fact that the gf was manipulative, in the end my friend should have let me figure it our in my own time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Yes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Long term partner is equivalent to being married... it was disrespectful not to have invited them as a couple and good on him for standing by his partner and not allowing anyone to disregard her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a "good" friend invited me to a wedding and knew I had a partner, but didn't invite him, I wouldn't go. My good friends would be well aware of my relationship and if they had a problem with my partner and didn't invite him they wouldn't see me there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Marc and I got married I invited 4 of my closest friends (every one else present was family, only totalling 8 others). I told them that their invitations didn't include a plus one (not even for long term partners I had met many times), because we simply didn't have enough money to pay for dinner for four more people. They all still came and none of their partners took issue with it.

I think it all depends on the context of the situation. If I had done the same thing but my wedding we going to be massive then it would have changed the situation for my friends, I'd think.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have other people's other halves been invited to the wedding?

Is his girlfriend the only partner not invited?"

I wouldnt suppose it really matters ... if the bride doesnt really like her why should she have her at the wedding

And the gf picking a fight with him over it is petty... he didnt choose the guest list ... and people are entitled to have friends outwith the relationship ... its 1 day and the gf needs to grow up in my opinion

(Especially if the comment about not being invited was an attempt to break them up was actually made ... self centered much

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a "good" friend invited me to a wedding and knew I had a partner, but didn't invite him, I wouldn't go. My good friends would be well aware of my relationship and if they had a problem with my partner and didn't invite him they wouldn't see me there.

I find this bizarre because a wedding day is about the relationship of the bride and groom ... not the relationships of their guests

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how the bride would feel if he said he wouldn't go to the wedding because he didn't like the groom.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder how the bride would feel if he said he wouldn't go to the wedding because he didn't like the groom."

I suppose it comes down to the individuals.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder how the bride would feel if he said he wouldn't go to the wedding because he didn't like the groom."

Probably quite legitametly hurt because it would sound like he doesnt support the marriage ... and would probably not want him there anyway for that reason ... because again ... the day is about celebrating the newly wed couples reelationship ... nobody elses

I dont even plan on getting married but if i was would i hell be spending money to have someone there that i dont like ... and its not even about he money ... id want to be surrounded by my friends and family on what should be the happiest day of my life

With all the money spent on weddings these days people seem to have forgotten that its not really just a party ... its bringing people you are close to together to witness and help you celebrate you starting your life together... should never feel obliged to have any present that you dont want ... and if they dont like that tough luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Hmm. Close friend doesn't know his friends girlfriend of three years. There's more to this than meets the eye hence her reaction.

Stay clear, relationship drama alert.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

it's just a wedding and not even his wedding, it'll be boring as fuck anyway.

if he wants to present himself socially as a couple and not on his own then he doesn't have to go. think it's nice he's backing up his gf over his so called mate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hmm. Close friend doesn't know his friends girlfriend of three years. There's more to this than meets the eye hence her reaction.

Stay clear, relationship drama alert."

i read the op's post as the bride to be had met the friends gf once and didnt get on with her so she didnt invite her

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Hmm. Close friend doesn't know his friends girlfriend of three years. There's more to this than meets the eye hence her reaction.

Stay clear, relationship drama alert.

i read the op's post as the bride to be had met the friends gf once and didnt get on with her so she didnt invite her

And you'd be right, I misread it, me a culpa. Although i don't think there's anything to imply they didn't get on.

Even so I still think there's more to this if the men are close friends and the fiancee of one of them has only met the other's girlfriend of three years once.

I'm sure it'll all work out in the end

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hmm. Close friend doesn't know his friends girlfriend of three years. There's more to this than meets the eye hence her reaction.

Stay clear, relationship drama alert.

i read the op's post as the bride to be had met the friends gf once and didnt get on with her so she didnt invite her

And you'd be right, I misread it, me a culpa. Although i don't think there's anything to imply they didn't get on.

Even so I still think there's more to this if the men are close friends and the fiancee of one of them has only met the other's girlfriend of three years once.

I'm sure it'll all work out in the end "

I'm sure it said in another of the ops posts that they don't get on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

cannot really see the problem, a friend of ours was groomsman for a wedding recently his new g/f wasnt invited

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

He is a friend of the groom ? I would speak to him and ask why she isn't invited,

If I had been with a Woman for 3 years and a friend invited me to their wedding without her,

I would just turn up at the reception with her and say you are just showing your face out of courtesy but wont be staying

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bride and groom can invite whoever they want to their wedding...they are paying after all and it's their big day. Personally I wouldn't want anyone I didn't get along with to attend mine.

Equally a guest can decline an invitation if he isn't comfortable that his long term partner has been excluded. There's no need to cause friction or drama, weddings are stressful enough to organise without guests taking offence. If your friend feels attending would endanger his relationship he should stay away, but offer his best wishes and not hold a grudge.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread