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" The problem is that men usually get tested after all tests have failed for their female partners. Why do we still assume that it must be the woman's body failing first? " I could be wrong but I'd say it's because the woman's reproductive system is a hell of a lot more complex then the men's Thats my unprofessional opinion anyway | |||
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" The problem is that men usually get tested after all tests have failed for their female partners. Why do we still assume that it must be the woman's body failing first? I could be wrong but I'd say it's because the woman's reproductive system is a hell of a lot more complex then the men's Thats my unprofessional opinion anyway" It is, but why not rule out the simpler system first then? | |||
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"We've had a few threads over the last few weeks about having children and the different ways people have achieved this. This isn't about the 'right' to have a child but about discovering and dealing with infertility. I was listening to a radio programme where they were discussing how men are rarely supported with their infertility and how they feel about choosing a partner once they know. The problem is that men usually get tested after all tests have failed for their female partners. Why do we still assume that it must be the woman's body failing first? What are your experiences and how has it affected you? " My sister and brother in law have spent the past two years going through hoops to get IVF treatment. It's been heartbreaking to watch as he's trying to be "manly" and support her but you could see that he has been suffering too. I think that everyone naturally assumes that becoming pregnant is easy and it happens for everyone but it really doesn't. For them it was an issue from both of them which caused problems. From the point of view of an outsider if you like, is been hard to see the two people You love want something so much and there is only so much they can do. All I could do was listen and just be there for both of them. There long wait has been rewarded though, they are due a baby early next year! | |||
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"Infertility was bloody horrible. The invasive tests, intrusive questions and your entire life on hold as you try, wait, hope, get your period, try, wait, hope, get your period.... We were lucky and got our happy ending but I wouldn't wish the journey or the cost on anyone. " The emotional cost is exacerbated by the financial cost looking at friends. Some haven't managed to remain together after becoming parents. | |||
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" The problem is that men usually get tested after all tests have failed for their female partners. Why do we still assume that it must be the woman's body failing first? I could be wrong but I'd say it's because the woman's reproductive system is a hell of a lot more complex then the men's Thats my unprofessional opinion anyway It is, but why not rule out the simpler system first then?" Like I said, women are a lot more complex so law of average would say it's a much higher chance it's the woman with the unfortunate issue. But you're right, could check the men's sperm first as it's probably a simpler and cheaper test (Again,unprofessional opinion) | |||
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They tried again but she couldn't get pregnant again so they adopted a little boy in the end who's the apple of their eye and he is an extremely lucky boy having them as parents because they are awesome. | |||
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" The problem is that men usually get tested after all tests have failed for their female partners. Why do we still assume that it must be the woman's body failing first? I could be wrong but I'd say it's because the woman's reproductive system is a hell of a lot more complex then the men's Thats my unprofessional opinion anyway It is, but why not rule out the simpler system first then?" They do, when you go tell them the first thing they do is send your OH for a sperm test, even though I knew the prob was with me! | |||
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"From a womans point of view. I was told at 18 i was doubly infertile. I had psos and had had a really bad miscarriage that left my insides a mess. When i met my ex husband and things where getting serious i had to explain to him to give him the chance to walk away. He didnt and we discussed adoption for the future. Against all the odds i fell pregnant 6 months later but i still went through all the emotions and heartache of believing i couldnt have children" Did the reversal of infertility leave you concerned about accidental pregnancy? | |||
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"We've had a few threads over the last few weeks about having children and the different ways people have achieved this. This isn't about the 'right' to have a child but about discovering and dealing with infertility. I was listening to a radio programme where they were discussing how men are rarely supported with their infertility and how they feel about choosing a partner once they know. The problem is that men usually get tested after all tests have failed for their female partners. Why do we still assume that it must be the woman's body failing first? What are your experiences and how has it affected you? My sister and brother in law have spent the past two years going through hoops to get IVF treatment. It's been heartbreaking to watch as he's trying to be "manly" and support her but you could see that he has been suffering too. I think that everyone naturally assumes that becoming pregnant is easy and it happens for everyone but it really doesn't. For them it was an issue from both of them which caused problems. From the point of view of an outsider if you like, is been hard to see the two people You love want something so much and there is only so much they can do. All I could do was listen and just be there for both of them. There long wait has been rewarded though, they are due a baby early next year! " Wishing them a peaceful birth and much joy. | |||
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"A very good friend of mine had trouble getting pregnant. She finally managed it and sadly her son was stillborn
They tried again but she couldn't get pregnant again so they adopted a little boy in the end who's the apple of their eye and he is an extremely lucky boy having them as parents because they are awesome."Getting pregnant is only the start. My cousin lost four pregnancies after fertility treatment. Thankfully the fifth went to term. | |||
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" The problem is that men usually get tested after all tests have failed for their female partners. Why do we still assume that it must be the woman's body failing first? I could be wrong but I'd say it's because the woman's reproductive system is a hell of a lot more complex then the men's Thats my unprofessional opinion anyway It is, but why not rule out the simpler system first then? They do, when you go tell them the first thing they do is send your OH for a sperm test, even though I knew the prob was with me! " That's good to read. For the men on the programme that wasn't what happened. | |||
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"From a womans point of view. I was told at 18 i was doubly infertile. I had psos and had had a really bad miscarriage that left my insides a mess. When i met my ex husband and things where getting serious i had to explain to him to give him the chance to walk away. He didnt and we discussed adoption for the future. Against all the odds i fell pregnant 6 months later but i still went through all the emotions and heartache of believing i couldnt have children Did the reversal of infertility leave you concerned about accidental pregnancy?" it was an accidently pregnancy(happy one) that led to me to finding out i could concieve. | |||
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"From a womans point of view. I was told at 18 i was doubly infertile. I had psos and had had a really bad miscarriage that left my insides a mess. When i met my ex husband and things where getting serious i had to explain to him to give him the chance to walk away. He didnt and we discussed adoption for the future. Against all the odds i fell pregnant 6 months later but i still went through all the emotions and heartache of believing i couldnt have children Did the reversal of infertility leave you concerned about accidental pregnancy?it was an accidently pregnancy(happy one) that led to me to finding out i could concieve." I know, but I wondered if after the heartache of thinking you couldn't you then had the equal worry of maybe getting pregnant when you didn't want to. | |||
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"I fear it's just not going to happen for me, simply down to timing and not finding someone. I've not even got to the point of facing the question over fertility or not. It makes me sad. I have to face the fact that there's plenty of other gifts in my life instead though. " It is difficult and you have my sympathy. People feel it's ok to question why you haven't got children and make judgments based on your childless state. I was fecund but only my son was born alive. His death was devastating. To those who don't know my story I am, often, just a selfish woman who knows nothing of the sacrifice of parenting and/or the harpie who couldn't get a man. Both may be true but it's not the totality of who I am. There is a movement for us. Look up AWOC. | |||
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"I fear it's just not going to happen for me, simply down to timing and not finding someone. I've not even got to the point of facing the question over fertility or not. It makes me sad. I have to face the fact that there's plenty of other gifts in my life instead though. " I'm with you on that one, words cannot describe the urge I have for a child as the time ticks away...horrible horrible feeling | |||
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"From a womans point of view. I was told at 18 i was doubly infertile. I had psos and had had a really bad miscarriage that left my insides a mess. When i met my ex husband and things where getting serious i had to explain to him to give him the chance to walk away. He didnt and we discussed adoption for the future. Against all the odds i fell pregnant 6 months later but i still went through all the emotions and heartache of believing i couldnt have children Did the reversal of infertility leave you concerned about accidental pregnancy?it was an accidently pregnancy(happy one) that led to me to finding out i could concieve. I know, but I wondered if after the heartache of thinking you couldn't you then had the equal worry of maybe getting pregnant when you didn't want to." no because the thought of getting pregnant didnt enter my head. Id been told i was doubly infertile and had been on fertility treatment with my ex boyfriend. To say it was a surprise was an understatement. | |||
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"I fear it's just not going to happen for me, simply down to timing and not finding someone. I've not even got to the point of facing the question over fertility or not. It makes me sad. I have to face the fact that there's plenty of other gifts in my life instead though. I'm with you on that one, words cannot describe the urge I have for a child as the time ticks away...horrible horrible feeling " I know exactly what you mean. Would you not try to be a parent alone? | |||
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"I fear it's just not going to happen for me, simply down to timing and not finding someone. I've not even got to the point of facing the question over fertility or not. It makes me sad. I have to face the fact that there's plenty of other gifts in my life instead though. I'm with you on that one, words cannot describe the urge I have for a child as the time ticks away...horrible horrible feeling I know exactly what you mean. Would you not try to be a parent alone?" It's all I think about but it's an expensive process | |||
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"I fear it's just not going to happen for me, simply down to timing and not finding someone. I've not even got to the point of facing the question over fertility or not. It makes me sad. I have to face the fact that there's plenty of other gifts in my life instead though. I'm with you on that one, words cannot describe the urge I have for a child as the time ticks away...horrible horrible feeling I know exactly what you mean. Would you not try to be a parent alone? It's all I think about but it's an expensive process "If you can afford it then do it,don't waste time thinking about it! Do you have any men friends that can help you out,not talking money?! | |||
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"I fear it's just not going to happen for me, simply down to timing and not finding someone. I've not even got to the point of facing the question over fertility or not. It makes me sad. I have to face the fact that there's plenty of other gifts in my life instead though. I'm with you on that one, words cannot describe the urge I have for a child as the time ticks away...horrible horrible feeling I know exactly what you mean. Would you not try to be a parent alone? It's all I think about but it's an expensive process "I couldn't afford to do it on my own, costs in terms of not working etc. And I don't know choice wise if that would be fair for my child. I know wonderful single parents but I don't know (me personally) any that chose that situation for themselves or their child. And there's so many ways to be a parent through fostering, adoption etc and perhaps if I'm in a relationship in the future where I'm unable to have a child then that route would certainly be one I'd look into or if financially I'm in a position to do it all myself in the future, I would look at adoption (if that's do-able as a single?) But the reality for having my own pregnancy and child is now, and I'm not in a relationship where that would be feasible and sadly time is not my friend in this situation. So the grieving process is real. | |||
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"I think the reason women are investigated first is that it tends to be women that approach the GP first? " It depends upon your GP and area. Men are generally investigated first as it's a quick and cheap test to do and rules it out quickly | |||
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"I wished I didn't have the desire to have my own biological children. It would have saved my ex and myself thousands of pounds,tears after tears,roller coaster of emotions,the constant desire to drive into a wall at high speed to stop those emotions. The pulling apart from each other when we dealt with it differently after yet another try,the constant heartache seeing everyone around you easily getting pregnant,your family and friends feeling uneasy when they did. The constant prodding and injections,going back and forth up the motorway to the clinic. Husband being away for most of that so having to do it by myself in Germany. Adoption...well that was a whole different rollercoaster!" I have wondered how my cousin kept going back for very expensive treatment (in the US) with so many failures. I understand the urge but I'm not sure I could have taken the invasive nature of the treatment AND the failure so many times. | |||
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"I was told at 16 that if I wanted children I needed to try sooner rather than later. Until that point I had not considered having children but it pushed me into having to think about and wanting children at a tender age. 18 months later I met Fred and explained all once I knew it was getting serious giving him the option to walk away. He stayed put and after much debate we decided that we wouldn't use contraception and hope for the best. Having seen others go through the pain if IVF I knew that wasn't an option I was willing to go down, therefore if we didn't conceive naturally then we'd look at adopting or accept a childless future. After 4 years of disappointment and one miscarriage we finally had our first child together with the others following quickly. The whole experience made me grow up far too quickly, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone but especially not someone as young as I was, but with happy, healthy and wonderful children I couldn't even begin to wish for a different life. You just have to make the best of whatever life hands you. Ginger " I'm not sure people fully appreciate the pain of recurrent miscarriage, especially as the 'best' the medical profession usually gives you is, "It's one of those things" or, "It's nature's way...". At least the antiphospholipid test exists now. I was at the end of my journey when I took part on those trials. Enjoy your children. | |||
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"I fear it's just not going to happen for me, simply down to timing and not finding someone. I've not even got to the point of facing the question over fertility or not. It makes me sad. I have to face the fact that there's plenty of other gifts in my life instead though. I'm with you on that one, words cannot describe the urge I have for a child as the time ticks away...horrible horrible feeling I know exactly what you mean. Would you not try to be a parent alone? It's all I think about but it's an expensive process
If you can afford it then do it,don't waste time thinking about it! Do you have any men friends that can help you out,not talking money?!"It takes a certain mind-set to be able to do that. I went through everything to get artificial insemination by donor and it was the counselling process that made it clear to me that I couldn't do it. It also made it clear that the complication of a friend being involved would be worse, for me. | |||
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"I was told at 16 that if I wanted children I needed to try sooner rather than later. Until that point I had not considered having children but it pushed me into having to think about and wanting children at a tender age. 18 months later I met Fred and explained all once I knew it was getting serious giving him the option to walk away. He stayed put and after much debate we decided that we wouldn't use contraception and hope for the best. Having seen others go through the pain if IVF I knew that wasn't an option I was willing to go down, therefore if we didn't conceive naturally then we'd look at adopting or accept a childless future. After 4 years of disappointment and one miscarriage we finally had our first child together with the others following quickly. The whole experience made me grow up far too quickly, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone but especially not someone as young as I was, but with happy, healthy and wonderful children I couldn't even begin to wish for a different life. You just have to make the best of whatever life hands you. Ginger I'm not sure people fully appreciate the pain of recurrent miscarriage, especially as the 'best' the medical profession usually gives you is, "It's one of those things" or, "It's nature's way...". At least the antiphospholipid test exists now. I was at the end of my journey when I took part on those trials. Enjoy your children. " xxxxxxxxx | |||
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"Infertility and miscarriages are hell! My ex husband and I suffered recurrent miscarriages and also 3 years of unexplained secondary infertility. Eventually we grew apart, started to bicker and resent each other and ultimately, trying for a family cost us our marriage. When I met Shaggy I told him what we'd been through and that it was unlikely that I would ever have children. I invited him to walk away but he didn't. We have both accepted that we will never become parents and are happy to just be a family of two" Enjoy being together, may your road be even and peaceful. | |||
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