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Alzheimer's

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Apologies for the rather un-fun nature of this post but I'm trying to find the best way to deal with this. My Dad is suffering from Alzheimer's and has been for a few years now. In some ways it's not as bad as it could be as I know some sufferers become quite aggressive and abusive and he hasn't...it's more that his memory is badly going and he gets very easily confused and can't grasp what's going on most of the time.

That's hard enough, but the thing that's concerning me probably more is the load this is placing on my mum. She's basically providing 24 hour care for him and given that she's over 70 herself, it's a heavy burden to bear. Obviously I try and help out as much as I possibly can, but I can't really be there during the day due to work. I've spoken to her about getting some assistance...even just a few hours for a morning or two a week so she could get out, do some shopping, etc without having to worry about him. The trouble is (and I think this is maybe a generational thing...?), it's as though she feels she'd be somehow failing him by "asking for help", or that she wouldn't be doing what she should be doing. I've told her nothing could be further from the truth, but it's proving a tough point to make.

Just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with a similar sort of situation? And if so, any pointers on how to help get my mum into a mindset that doesn't view asking for help as some kind of failure would be very gratefully received.

Thanks

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By *ve 66Woman
over a year ago

Blackwood

Understand and sympathise with you and your mam as she has become the forgotten victim. Wish you all the best xx

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Look up the dementia study centre at Stirling university, excellent resources there and a leader in the UK in terms of dementia care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apologies for the rather un-fun nature of this post but I'm trying to find the best way to deal with this. My Dad is suffering from Alzheimer's and has been for a few years now. In some ways it's not as bad as it could be as I know some sufferers become quite aggressive and abusive and he hasn't...it's more that his memory is badly going and he gets very easily confused and can't grasp what's going on most of the time.

That's hard enough, but the thing that's concerning me probably more is the load this is placing on my mum. She's basically providing 24 hour care for him and given that she's over 70 herself, it's a heavy burden to bear. Obviously I try and help out as much as I possibly can, but I can't really be there during the day due to work. I've spoken to her about getting some assistance...even just a few hours for a morning or two a week so she could get out, do some shopping, etc without having to worry about him. The trouble is (and I think this is maybe a generational thing...?), it's as though she feels she'd be somehow failing him by "asking for help", or that she wouldn't be doing what she should be doing. I've told her nothing could be further from the truth, but it's proving a tough point to make.

Just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with a similar sort of situation? And if so, any pointers on how to help get my mum into a mindset that doesn't view asking for help as some kind of failure would be very gratefully received.

Thanks"

she needs to think of her own health as well as his, having a bit of time out will help her immensely. there are plenty of support groups for carers where she could meet others and share experiences. companion sitting is another option whereby a trained professional sits with the patient (sorry, couldn't think of a better term) and keeps them company while the carer can get on with other things or takes a break. sadly I think you are right regarding the generational thing, its gonna take a lot of effort on your part to convince her otherwise but she may well come round to the idea. if you have other relatives who you could get onboard then that may help you to help her. ultimately, the least upset there is to your dad the better especially if he is easily confused. not sure if any of that helps you but may be a bit of food for thought. good luck.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

hi

is she ok with online/internet or phone calls?

carersuk would probably be happy to hear from her and reassure her she isn't failing anyone.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

it's not a generational thing either. just because it's family we often feel like it's our duty to cope with a lot more than we can take on, our responsibility.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I feel for you, I had this with my mother and Dad trying to look after her. Mum was quite violent.

I got her GP really involved and used him to leverage support from social services. I'm glad we did it earlier as it made it easier when we made the decision she needed to go into care.

Contact the local branch of the Alzheimer's Society and/or Carers UK / Age UK and see what they offer. Sometimes just having people to talk to about it and getting a short break going to a social can help keep you going.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The other thing is to get Power of Attorney now. If your father gets too bad and you have to apply to the Court of Protection it costs more and is a real bind. Do this for both of them.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I sympathize with you and wish you all the best... Encourage your mum to get some help with your dad so he can continue living with her for as long as possible... Everyone above me on this thread has mentioned the things I recall doing with my dad

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for the info and comments. I'll take a look at carersuk and the Alzheimer's society, see what I can find...

Good point re power of attorney...my mum has actually mentioned this so I'll follow up and try and get something sorted.

I do have a sis who lives close by and she does help as much as she can as well but she has her own health issues and has to have treatment every few weeks that wipes her out.

I guess it's a case of patiently persevering and being there as much as possible

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

good luck.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Thanks everyone for the info and comments. I'll take a look at carersuk and the Alzheimer's society, see what I can find...

Good point re power of attorney...my mum has actually mentioned this so I'll follow up and try and get something sorted.

I do have a sis who lives close by and she does help as much as she can as well but she has her own health issues and has to have treatment every few weeks that wipes her out.

I guess it's a case of patiently persevering and being there as much as possible"

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Look after yourself too. I had to cut my earning potential by more than half before Mum went into a home, just covering providing time for Dad to have a break, seeing to all the medical appointments and trying to keep her active.

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