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How wooden am I becoming.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So. I'm writing this as I can't sleep.

I realised today I'm making myself wooden. As soon as I think I'm making headway with someone my little too good to be true button starts bleeping and needs pushing.

I'm sure like many I've been thru some tough situations. And this has caused caution and mistrust on my part. I try to enjoy any moment as it is because I've learned good moments far outweigh any bad ones.

This weekend I spent an amazing few days with someone and at some point, because I got nervous it could be something good on a mutual level of understanding I fucked it up. I think I did it on purpose because I can't handle nice. That's all it was. And I knew when my head went there it was done. He did too.

I don't know if I'll see that person again but it's irrelevant. The point is, how can I stop it happening again. And even when I thought about it and was upset with myself, it lasted just a few minutes. Because inevitably we are all disposable on here. And generally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are not all disposable. *You* are not disposable.

It sounds to me like you feel unworthy of having someone you like like you. That's not okay. Everyone is worthwhile. You too. I'd focus on reframing how you view yourself and identifying the narrative and cause of why you don't feel of value currently. You are your own unique and wonderful individual, and it's absolutely brilliant that there's no one else like you. Value yourself. I may be projecting massively here as I struggle with this -- forgive me if I am.

As RuPaul says: "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

Hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't you follow your own advice and try to enjoy the moment without weighing it down with loaded needs and expectations?

I am very curious also what is the thing that totally destroyed your rapport - words, I guess? If the other person was a fraction understanding they would draw the same conclusion that you did (that you acted out of pressure, fear of success) and manage to rise above it. If there was even a smidgen of love/potential to love there call them up and talk to them, it's no biggie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So. I'm writing this as I can't sleep.

I realised today I'm making myself wooden. As soon as I think I'm making headway with someone my little too good to be true button starts bleeping and needs pushing.

I'm sure like many I've been thru some tough situations. And this has caused caution and mistrust on my part. I try to enjoy any moment as it is because I've learned good moments far outweigh any bad ones.

This weekend I spent an amazing few days with someone and at some point, because I got nervous it could be something good on a mutual level of understanding I fucked it up. I think I did it on purpose because I can't handle nice. That's all it was. And I knew when my head went there it was done. He did too.

I don't know if I'll see that person again but it's irrelevant. The point is, how can I stop it happening again. And even when I thought about it and was upset with myself, it lasted just a few minutes. Because inevitably we are all disposable on here. And generally.

"
we are all human and most humans have feelings when you meet someone you click with on many levels not just sex that's rare dont squander opportunity grasp it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For to meet someone in the first place there must have been that connection/spark. So at least you know there is something there. As it something you said that killed the mood or something you did? Is it something you can both get passed?

Or (forgive me for this) is it something you don't want to get by?

Convincing yourself that you aren't good enough or don't deserve anything special isn't an excuse. If this was the case then you wouldn't get as far as you did. Most men have their issues too. Also men are more patient than you give them credit for and will help you through your anxiety's.

Sorry about your last experience but talk to him, let him know why things went they way they did x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For to meet someone in the first place there must have been that connection/spark. So at least you know there is something there. As it something you said that killed the mood or something you did? Is it something you can both get passed?

Or (forgive me for this) is it something you don't want to get by?

Convincing yourself that you aren't good enough or don't deserve anything special isn't an excuse. If this was the case then you wouldn't get as far as you did. Most men have their issues too. Also men are more patient than you give them credit for and will help you through your anxiety's.

Sorry about your last experience but talk to him, let him know why things went they way they did x"

Good luck OP. x

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton


"We are not all disposable. *You* are not disposable.

It sounds to me like you feel unworthy of having someone you like like you. That's not okay. Everyone is worthwhile. You too. I'd focus on reframing how you view yourself and identifying the narrative and cause of why you don't feel of value currently. You are your own unique and wonderful individual, and it's absolutely brilliant that there's no one else like you. Value yourself. I may be projecting massively here as I struggle with this -- forgive me if I am.

As RuPaul says: "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

Hugs."

What a lovely post.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Learn to love yourself a bit more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op. I've felt exactly the same as you. To overcome it isn't easy. Be true to yourself. Speak honest to people, and those that stick around and give you good feelings, are normally who like you. Those that move onto something 'better' wasn't meant to be and probably had the attitude 'disposable '. Do we need these people? No.

Concentrate on yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well thanks guys. There is definitely some truths in the comments made.

I won't bleed my heart to you with the why's and what nots as to why I got to being this way as there's only so much I'll place in a forum.

I think psychologically there's a resilience I've built up over time and my head is always thinking because of previous let downs I should always struggle. So I guess the thinking I'm not good enough vibe is reflective of that.

Thanks for your advice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/07/17 08:40:48]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

In respect of the other person. I explained my trust issues and he still left and I'm inclined to think if someone isn't willing to get over that it's not worth pursuing. As stated by another member.

There were bad reactions from both of us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In respect of the other person. I explained my trust issues and he still left and I'm inclined to think if someone isn't willing to get over that it's not worth pursuing. As stated by another member.

There were bad reactions from both of us. "

If he left then he's not the one for you. If he cared he would have stayed.

Or he may care but know he's not for you and that's why he left- hope that makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In respect of the other person. I explained my trust issues and he still left and I'm inclined to think if someone isn't willing to get over that it's not worth pursuing. As stated by another member.

There were bad reactions from both of us.

If he left then he's not the one for you. If he cared he would have stayed.

Or he may care but know he's not for you and that's why he left- hope that makes sense. "

It does. And I agree wholeheartedly x

That's why I consider we are disposable. It's easy to move on.

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