FabSwingers.com forum: What makes a crap blowjob?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is there such a thing or should blokes just be happy they're getting one?? Discuss and feel free to turn into a big battle of the sexes which bears no resemblance to the original question. Ladies feel free to use something we said in posts 20 years ago as valid cos after all we can't remember saying it - but we bet you can... Word for word!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

multiple coldsores

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

When it's being done to someone else and not me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

teeth

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

I would imagine if the giver starts laughing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would imagine if the giver starts laughing

or gets lockjaw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gag too hard and being sick lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if its too dry.. not enough saliva

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By *icboyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I would imagine if the giver starts laughing

Laugh, if you can. lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"teeth"

sometimes they can help a little

not too much teeth usage tho, keep it mild!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if its too dry.. not enough saliva "

got too be a bit sloppy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would imagine if the giver starts laughing

is that during the blow job or when the cock is whipped out??

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

once got cramp in my fingers whilst holding a guy and giving a bj, he jumped,

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By *icboyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"once got cramp in my fingers whilst holding a guy and giving a bj, he jumped,"

Could have been nasty. Explain that at the hospital.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"I would imagine if the giver starts laughing

Laugh, if you can. lol

Is that a challenge

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By *elsh_lass74Woman
over a year ago

South Wales

"Gag too hard and being sick lol"

I gag for no one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gag too hard and being sick lol"
...... Why's that a crap BJ

* S¡Ts iN CrYp¡T * -|-

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

My experience of a bad blow job was...when the lady physically injured me causing pain. The next day, I ended up at my GP, who immediately referred me to hospital (No not the STI Clinic before all you perve's minds start working overtime!).

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Humming your favourite tune while doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Humming your favourite tune while doing it."

Upsy Daisy here I come,

I'm the only Upsy one!

I'm the only Daisy too,

Ipsy, Upsy, Daisy Doo...

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"Humming your favourite tune while doing it.

Upsy Daisy here I come,

I'm the only Upsy one!

I'm the only Daisy too,

Ipsy, Upsy, Daisy Doo..."

Now that is hot actually!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ball tickling is nice, thats t i c k l i n g , not grabbin them like yer pluckin apples out the tree.

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By *elsh_lass74Woman
over a year ago

South Wales

"Ball tickling is nice, thats t i c k l i n g , not grabbin them like yer pluckin apples out the tree.

U no like yr plums plucked????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ball tickling is nice, thats t i c k l i n g , not grabbin them like yer pluckin apples out the tree.

U no like yr plums plucked????

Said apples because,

yip they are that big

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By *elsh_lass74Woman
over a year ago

South Wales

"Ball tickling is nice, thats t i c k l i n g , not grabbin them like yer pluckin apples out the tree.

U no like yr plums plucked????

Said apples because,

yip they are that big

Isn't a trip to docs needed then??!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hm7pp_JFOs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As with any sexual act, lack of effort is what makes it crap

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Gag too hard and being sick lol"

did that once hahaha!!!!!

must have been good before hand though cos a quick clean up and i was back on the job

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

teeth.....and when the girl lacks' enthusiasm....real turn off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a tash

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By *anderer2018Man
over a year ago

Bangkok

"teeth.....and when the girl lacks' enthusiasm....real turn off"

I agree I have had some half hearted blow jobs in my time and you wanna give pointers then they say something like "is that nice?" er well no actually! You don't wanna say that to someone who has your cock in there mouth! Even using tact you always run the risk of her turning on you!

Also if someone is a bit vigorous with there wanking it can all get a bit sore!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"teeth.....and when the girl lacks' enthusiasm....real turn off"

Exactly hence the humorous bj youtube clip.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is more to it than just sucking.

I learnt to do via watching hard core porn while I was on business in mainland Europe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just pretend his cock is a magnum lolly and you wont go far wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just pretend his cock is a magnum lolly and you wont go far wrong

I can't get my mouth round a Magnum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when thay cum to fast , lol in 60 seconds .........

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"when thay cum to fast , lol in 60 seconds .........

had one guy cum the second my tongue touched his cock

apparently he got a bit excited on the way over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when thay cum to fast , lol in 60 seconds .........

offt, wish i could!!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

getting chewing gum stuck to another guys cock probably wasnt the best either haha

i'm not very good at the blowjob things

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

I don't like teeth, and I don't like being jerked off so hard, it's almost like she is trying to pull my Tool off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prince Albert + tounge piercing =

A&E and bolt crops.

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By *eavy Metal BallzMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I was asked to describe the worst blow job I had ever had.

I replied it was fantastic!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would imagine if the giver starts laughing

or gets lockjaw"

oops - av done both of them b4 now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when thay cum to fast , lol in 60 seconds .........

had one guy cum the second my tongue touched his cock

apparently he got a bit excited on the way over

i had 1 who came as soon as i released his knob from his briefs - hadn't even got properly down on my knees

think he was embarassed - he left as quick as he came

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Tell you what makes a crap blow-job... my ex-wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"teeth"

in a nutshell

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By *ordeauxMan
over a year ago

Sudbury

Wish I could cum in 60 seconds.....

Weird as it may seem I struggle to cum with a BJ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

braces getting caught up in the foreskin...!!!

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By *enithWoman
over a year ago

closer than you think

a cheesy dick?

apologies if still eating lunch!!

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By *irdickgwenCouple
over a year ago

hull

"Wish I could cum in 60 seconds.....

Weird as it may seem I struggle to cum with a BJ....

you know so do i why is that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Crap bj?

When the lady knaws on my penis like a dog with a lickle chewy stick.

Ooc ooch that hurts.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Rob says teeth

and he has just added women that feel the need to chat instead of concentrating on the job in hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think teeth is pretty much the only thing. I don't know if some people like pain but you should be able to relax fully rather than being on edge and feeling pain more than pleasure.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"Is there such a thing or should blokes just be happy they're getting one?? Discuss and feel free to turn into a big battle of the sexes which bears no resemblance to the original question. Ladies feel free to use something we said in posts 20 years ago as valid cos after all we can't remember saying it - but we bet you can... Word for word!!!

According to kev too rough...

i wudn't know, my bjs are award winning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A technique like a bulldog with a bonio is not very inviting

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