FabSwingers.com forum: settle a dispute

By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Well talk about women are from venus, men are from mars...... just had a disagreement with other half (no injuries were incurred in the making of this issue). We have been to parties where women are wearing net dresses and little else although they are sometimes accompanied by a thong. Said husband has been perfectly happy to look at, chat with and for us to play with these ladies. Indeed he has also said that they look good. The same man says he does not think it is right...his words...that his own wife wear hers. He says walking around like that and chatting is inappropriate and he isn't keen on mine. When questioned as to whether he just doesn't think I look good in them he disagrees and says I do and that he is happy for me to wear at a private meet, just not a party. I have told him I find his attitude hypocrital and insulting but he says that I just dont understand what is in his head. We have agreed to use you lot as judges.....so..... ?

Both of us

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

i'm with the fem on this- if he thinks it ok to ogle other mens wives in the outfit, chat and even play with them why is he not keen on you doing same? ulterior motive maybe- he likes seeing whats on offer before testing but doesn't like men doing that with his "property"?

who generally makes the end call as to who you play with?

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See good girl v bad girl conundrum thread for more insight into how guys brains work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kind of double standard if you ask me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My difficulty with this one is that I'd love my Mrs to wear that kind of outfit and be ogled by others.

Very sexy.

If you want a judgement - he's a hypocrite

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By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex

I think you are getting the man wrong.

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

My God!! i cant believe you have to ask other peoples opinion on this, he clearly thinks he owns you! But each to their own i guess.

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

We both decide who we may play with and don't swap in any case.

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Please know that this is tongue in cheek to a certain extent as I am an independent minded woman who is able to wear whatever she wants without an argument but I obviously like to go out with a husband who likes the way I look. We simply agreed to post to each prove a point. I kniw I'm right and he doesn't agree...lol

Mistress x

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By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex

"Please know that this is tongue in cheek to a certain extent as I am an independent minded woman who is able to wear whatever she wants without an argument but I obviously like to go out with a husband who likes the way I look. We simply agreed to post to each prove a point. I kniw I'm right and he doesn't agree...lol

Mistress x"

I am on his side, on this, and one day, you will see why.

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Mistress x

I am on his side, on this, and one day, you will see why.

Would rather know now rather than one day...please expand.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

toss him for it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well my ex was pretty much ok at getting shagged at parties and took the hump when I was about to get some shagging done with someone else... Now how cheesed off was at the parties and an ex who went off in a huff while i was trying to get my dick in some muff !

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"well my ex was pretty much ok at getting shagged at parties and took the hump when I was about to get some shagging done with someone else... Now how cheesed off was at the parties and an ex who went off in a huff while i was trying to get my dick in some muff !"

Lol erudite as usual paddy.

Mistress x

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

toss him for it?"

I will not condone rewarding rebellous

behaviour.....

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

from my prospective I see "play wear and fantasy clothing" as ok on other guys wives or girlfriends, so I can see where Mr Secret is coming from.

Ladies choose to dress in a way to get our blood pumping, and most hot blooded blokes are easy to switch on, because visual stimulation is the first button that is pressed.

It's a primival instinct to hunt it, catch it, and fuck it.

Once you make the bond, that we call a relationship, a whole different set of instincts take over.

The lady becomes your responsibility, under your protection, and you feel very territorial if other try to muscle in.

In Swingland, we try to live a different life, under different rules, but some instincts are so deep seated in our souls that not all of them can be over ridden.

I know it's double standards, but "do as I say, not as I do" is just another instinctive trait.

Yes, I really do see where Mr Secret is coming from, and I actually agree with him.

Kate wears the seductive clothes, and I fully understand why she wants to wear them, but deepdown, I feel very protective, and in a way I suppose to counter this not being a "watcher" of my own partner, but I will ogle and play with other ladies dressed exactly the same way

Confused???? Fucking right I'm confused

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

Just do as he says and wear your Bhurka woman!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being single and fancy free, I dress the way that makes me feel comfortable.

I have a few sexy gears, and would wear them at clubs or socials. However, away from FAB and Chams, I dress quite conservatively.

Deep down I am quite old fashion, and would like to dress for "my man" rather than for all the men that may cross my path.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sort of see where both are coming from on this one.

On one side She wants to flaunt herself like the other ladies that her husband enjoys looking at (and playing with?).

On the other side I guess as discussed by other he feels a protective bond over "his" woman.

So who's right and who's wrong? Well both.

Should he let her show off? Possibly yes

Should she respect his comfort zones? Possibly yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure who I agree with, guess that depends on which is offering the most brownie points.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Not sure who I agree with, guess that depends on which is offering the most brownie points.

Or cake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not sure who I agree with, guess that depends on which is offering the most brownie points.

Or cake."

A vanilla slice would definitely snatch my vote.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Just goes to show that NO one here is really a swinger. The couples in particular.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Sorry .... that's assuming that swinging is an attitude of sexual freedom without jealousy or possesive emotion taking over.

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"from my prospective I see "play wear and fantasy clothing" as ok on other guys wives or girlfriends, so I can see where Mr Secret is coming from.

Ladies choose to dress in a way to get our blood pumping, and most hot blooded blokes are easy to switch on, because visual stimulation is the first button that is pressed.

It's a primival instinct to hunt it, catch it, and fuck it.

Once you make the bond, that we call a relationship, a whole different set of instincts take over.

The lady becomes your responsibility, under your protection, and you feel very territorial if other try to muscle in.

In Swingland, we try to live a different life, under different rules, but some instincts are so deep seated in our souls that not all of them can be over ridden.

I know it's double standards, but "do as I say, not as I do" is just another instinctive trait.

Yes, I really do see where Mr Secret is coming from, and I actually agree with him.

Confused???? Fucking right I'm confused

Thanks jack that does actually explain his thinking in a way I understand. He says he is not good with words. Like others say... I tend to dress for myself and hubby rather than others. I do feel mr s is protective rather than posessive. He is pretty openminded so this discussion surprised me. I would not put an real argument on here so this is not a serious issue but hoped that others posts would shed more light on his mindset. Bless him! Will still wear what I want though.

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry .... that's assuming that swinging is an attitude of sexual freedom without jealousy or possesive emotion taking over. "

To many this is the case, but to some it's more a chance of getting laid with permission from their partner, but with a little compromise, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am with the fem on this one, it should be up to her what she wears/feels sexy/confident in, if she feels other ladies are getting attention because of what they are wearing then why should she not wear the same kind of clothes that her other half/other men like. It does not make sense that he likes to see other women wearing that kinda gear at a party but not his mrs... regardless of what outfit is being worn surely your hubby/partner wants you to get as much attention as any other woman in the room?

I agree a man's instinct is to protect his partner but at the end of the day your at a swinging party which means your there for sex and to catch the eye of peeps you want to be with, that is the point is it not?

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"Just do as he says and wear your Bhurka woman!

Lol. He does actually like me to dress sexily but classy. I like to look and feel good whether I am going to a party to to asda.... he is a little protective though...doesn't mind heads turning but can't bear the thought of my receiving unwanted or inapproriate attention especially if he is not there to protect me. I tell him I'm a big girl who is used to and very able to cope with unwanted attention. Its not a big issue between us so must stick up for him a little to be fair.

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry .... that's assuming that swinging is an attitude of sexual freedom without jealousy or possesive emotion taking over. "

Hence I play with single gents only, as I do not believe it is possible not to have any jealousy or possessive emotions within any relationship.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Is this along the same lines as "I am quite willing to play with other mens wives but wouldn't dream of letting my wife do it? ".....I can look at women looking that way but my wife shouldn't be looking the same way.

I have seen many a poster get vilified for the same sort of comment.

To the OP. I know you are saying it is tongue in cheek, but I am a little surprised at the husbands comments seeing as what site we are on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ooooo interesting one this

i think you are right and he is wrong obviously but then i am a woman

Mr B loves for me to dress up provocatively when we go to chams and has never ever expressed any discomfort with me doing so so i can only presume he is fine with it all, and it is not because he isn't protective of me as he most certainly is and would step in at any point i was not happy that is undoubted but he so loves watching me be pleasured by whomever i choose that he is quite happy for me to tittilate in whichever outfit i choose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ooooo interesting one this

i think you are right and he is wrong obviously but then i am a woman

The pair of you made a fine couple of the swings for certain!

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

I agree rugby.... we meet single guys and both enjoy the experience. Its this that makes me surprised to hear what he said. I guess people are complicated. Lol

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they should make see thru burkhas.

Problem solved and everyone happy

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By *ppleby11Couple
over a year ago

Berkhamsted

As an alternative point of view, if I may. I agree that it is indeed hypocritical, however that doesn't make him wrong in the argument.

Whilst he can't put his finger on the exact reason why, or is struggling to verbalise (is that a word?) the reason, he is after all just pointing out something he feels uncomfortable with. For Sarah and I that would be enough to walk away from the situation or make some changes.

It wouldn't have any recriminations, except of course the acceptable ribbing you seem to be giving him

We'd just accept and try something different.

Is it better he speaks about concerns or stays quiet despite discomfort ... tricky one.

Anyway, climbing off the fence now as splinters in my ass

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"As an alternative point of view, if I may. I agree that it is indeed hypocritical, however that doesn't make him wrong in the argument.

It wouldn't have any recriminations, except of course the acceptable ribbing you seem to be giving him

We'd just accept and try something different.

Is it better he speaks about concerns or stays quiet despite discomfort ... tricky one.

Anyway, climbing off the fence now as splinters in my ass

I agree we feel what we feel. It isn't a decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ooooo interesting one this

i think you are right and he is wrong obviously but then i am a woman

ok just realised that may come across as me being all gloaty, ooooo look at us perfect swingers we are, well thats not the case there has been many a situation that has thrown up questions and worries

so i appologise if it came across badly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe he was like that as a child, he liked to play with other kids toys, but hated letting others play with his...

Maybe he is not relaxed about swinging and sharing, and may cause problems soon....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

with the lady on this one

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"ooooo interesting one this

i think you are right and he is wrong obviously but then i am a woman

so i appologise if it came across badly"

Not at all. Fact is that no couple swinging or otherwise are perfect and agree on everything. If they do then I seriously suspect a lack of honesty and openess. I am lucky enough to have a lovely man who adores and respects me for who I am. We don't always agree but we always communicate which is why we are still happily married twenty or so years later. Our differences add to our relationship for sure. We are ying and yang but admire the talents of the other which we may lack.

I did think we could maybe have a kind of voting thing and let that decide the answer but have found after reading all your different views mine has mellowed. Should mr s tell me not to wear said outfit I would wear it for sure. As he has said that it is up to me and meerly given his feelings I will respect them and wear in private or maybe wear full underwear under as a compromise. Of couse he is an intelligent man who knows me well so he probably wouldnt even try to dictate in that way. Lol. Thanks for your interesting posts peeps. Xx

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

footnote...... I do wear other sexy outfits to parties and in no way feel I go without attention hence not a major issue.

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you met and he knew he'd finally met Miss Right did he not realise your first name was Always!!! Lol I'm on the ladys side on this one

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By *ittlemorespice OP Couple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"When you met and he knew he'd finally met Miss Right did he not realise your first name was Always!!! Lol I'm on the ladys side on this one

Ms"

Yes maybe sometimes its just enough to know your right. Guess that alone doesn't lead to happiness unless its measured with consideration though.

Mistress x

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By *unwmidscplCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

am with the lady on this one, personaly i enjoy watchin mrsfun struttin her stuff in sexy wear and seeing the different glances she gets wether approving or otherwise,i am rather proud of her anyways

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