FabSwingers.com forum: letting people down gentley (with complications

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So complications being they are a part of your extended social circle.

There's somone who I met on a night out in Feb I think.

Friend of a friend we chatted had a laugh with the group but that's it. since then I've been busy/away and not really going our so haven't seen them.

At least once a week I get a "are you out this weekend fancy a drink" etc and I say nah sorry not out/I'm away/not in the countey/not gonna be in town for ages etc as I'm not and never put much thought in to it.

Last few weeks though it's changed a bit.

Got some message saying not seen me in ages dying for a hug off me etc which confused me till they messaged me a picture of me not even hugging but you know standing side by side with my arm around them for a picture.

Quickly followed by "just kidding your just a friend". Few hours later "I miss our hugs"

From when I spoke to them I kinda get the impression they're a little bit "slow" not handicapped or anything like that but just not very bright/unlikely to take hints or anything that's not 100% obvious.

It's all a bit weird and as I'm actually going to be seeing that group of friends for the first time in a while and going our in the next few weeks not sure what to do.

As they've not made an overt move it would be awkward to just randomly reply with "I don't want to go out with you" etc and I don't want to make things awkward with the group as I'm the outsider as it where.

Thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be straight and say we will only ever be friends. I don't like feeling awkward around someone, I'd rather tell them and clear the air, so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Next time they ask if you're about, say "nope, i have a hot date this weekend and i'm really looking forward to it!"

That way you're letting them know that whatever feelings they think they have towards you, they are not reciprocated.

Tricky really. Did you give them your number or did they obtain it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Next time they ask if you're about, say "nope, i have a hot date this weekend and i'm really looking forward to it!"

That way you're letting them know that whatever feelings they think they have towards you, they are not reciprocated.

Tricky really. Did you give them your number or did they obtain it?

. Damn your good.

. Notes have been taken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd give the group get together a miss next time - and make sure you don't answer her messages. Silence is golden and that way your words or actions aren't being misunderstood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So complications being they are a part of your extended social circle.

There's somone who I met on a night out in Feb I think.

Friend of a friend we chatted had a laugh with the group but that's it. since then I've been busy/away and not really going our so haven't seen them.

Last few weeks though it's changed a bit.

Quickly followed by "just kidding your just a friend". Few hours later "I miss our hugs"

It's all a bit weird and as I'm actually going to be seeing that group of friends for the first time in a while and going our in the next few weeks not sure what to do.

Thoughts?

Cut them off immediately, don't respond and avoid the group in question. You're being stalked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say 'sorry, you're not my type' ..

If she is as you say, a bit slow, the direct approach would be better in this case

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go out with the group but don't give her anything that can be misconstrued as you being interested in her.

Mention a fictional hot bird that you're meeting/speaking to, check your phone a lot and pretend to be messaging and smile when you read your imaginary texts!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go out with the group but don't give her anything that can be misconstrued as you being interested in her.

And if the topic arises just diplomatically let her know you aren't interested.

Crazy, eh?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"So complications being they are a part of your extended social circle.

There's somone who I met on a night out in Feb I think.

Friend of a friend we chatted had a laugh with the group but that's it. since then I've been busy/away and not really going our so haven't seen them.

Last few weeks though it's changed a bit.

Quickly followed by "just kidding your just a friend". Few hours later "I miss our hugs"

It's all a bit weird and as I'm actually going to be seeing that group of friends for the first time in a while and going our in the next few weeks not sure what to do.

Thoughts?

Cut them off immediately, don't respond and avoid the group in question. You're being stalked."

Leave the country for a while just in case...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So complications being they are a part of your extended social circle.

There's somone who I met on a night out in Feb I think.

Friend of a friend we chatted had a laugh with the group but that's it. since then I've been busy/away and not really going our so haven't seen them.

Last few weeks though it's changed a bit.

Quickly followed by "just kidding your just a friend". Few hours later "I miss our hugs"

It's all a bit weird and as I'm actually going to be seeing that group of friends for the first time in a while and going our in the next few weeks not sure what to do.

Thoughts?

Cut them off immediately, don't respond and avoid the group in question. You're being stalked.

Leave the country for a while just in case..."

When I left the country he followed me...

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"So complications being they are a part of your extended social circle.

There's somone who I met on a night out in Feb I think.

Friend of a friend we chatted had a laugh with the group but that's it. since then I've been busy/away and not really going our so haven't seen them.

Last few weeks though it's changed a bit.

Quickly followed by "just kidding your just a friend". Few hours later "I miss our hugs"

It's all a bit weird and as I'm actually going to be seeing that group of friends for the first time in a while and going our in the next few weeks not sure what to do.

Thoughts?

Cut them off immediately, don't respond and avoid the group in question. You're being stalked.

Leave the country for a while just in case...

When I left the country he followed me..."

How did he know where you'd gone?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So complications being they are a part of your extended social circle.

There's somone who I met on a night out in Feb I think.

Friend of a friend we chatted had a laugh with the group but that's it. since then I've been busy/away and not really going our so haven't seen them.

Last few weeks though it's changed a bit.

Quickly followed by "just kidding your just a friend". Few hours later "I miss our hugs"

It's all a bit weird and as I'm actually going to be seeing that group of friends for the first time in a while and going our in the next few weeks not sure what to do.

Thoughts?

Cut them off immediately, don't respond and avoid the group in question. You're being stalked.

Leave the country for a while just in case...

When I left the country he followed me...

How did he know where you'd gone?!"

The extended circle....

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Why can't you just say that you arent interested? I don't get the complications?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sure you have other woman around say . Not really looking for more then friends as have one or two I am seeing right now.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Just be straight. Next time they make contact respond with something like "I may be wrong but I get the impression that you're interested in taking things further. I'm sorry I see you as a friend only" then respond no further.

No chance for misunderstanding, no drama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you talk to someone in the extended social circle about it too, who knows them better? Honesty is the best policy, just say it as it is. Sometimes you just have to be blunt.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Why can't you just say that you arent interested? I don't get the complications?! "

You've never turned down a girl that is throwing herself at you, have you? Bitches be trippin'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all seriousness though, i think you're going to have to make it clear and make it firm because someone who messages you along those lines, without any reason to from you, sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all seriousness though, i think you're going to have to make it clear and make it firm because someone who messages you along those lines, without any reason to from you, sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen.

Tbf we only have his side of it...

If she has his number he must have given it and who knows what went on prior to the mess he is in now...

It's always best to know both sides of the story

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbf we only have his side of it...

If she has his number he must have given it and who knows what went on prior to the mess he is in now...

It's always best to know both sides of the story "

True. But can i say "told you so!" If we hear of him being held to ransom by a cheesed off hottie?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbf we only have his side of it...

If she has his number he must have given it and who knows what went on prior to the mess he is in now...

It's always best to know both sides of the story

True. But can i say "told you so!" If we hear of him being held to ransom by a cheesed off hottie?

Sure you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bit that throws me is the part where she says she misses his hugs which implies she's had hugs off him in the past. Now if I were to have a cwtch with a guy the mutual attraction would already be established cos a cwtch would be accompanied by a smooch, a wank and a fingering and most probably a fuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awwwww I really feel for you, I've been this person your talking about sooooo many times.

my advice is be honest but gentle, it really is the best way. Plus it's far better then being cruel or leading her to have false hopes. She will be sad n a little hurt but she will respect you in the long run. Hope your get together goes well.

PTU xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Next time they ask if you're about, say "nope, i have a hot date this weekend and i'm really looking forward to it!"

That way you're letting them know that whatever feelings they think they have towards you, they are not reciprocated.

Tricky really. Did you give them your number or did they obtain it?

See I don't think that would work as most of the group consider me as dating one of them. (We're fwb)

So that hasn't put them off and I can see the "I'm not interested" blunt apeoach that I would normally do ad causing hassle and arguments and I'd rather not alien my friends friends

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The bit that throws me is the part where she says she misses his hugs which implies she's had hugs off him in the past. Now if I were to have a cwtch with a guy the mutual attraction would already be established cos a cwtch would be accompanied by a smooch, a wank and a fingering and most probably a fuck. "

The "hug" is standing side by side with my arm around thier shoulder for a photo in a club.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman."

Oh fuck!

sorry can't help with that one.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman."

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Infact* fs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of men love man hugs ...

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems"

Because he wants a cuddle?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Next time they ask if you're about, say "nope, i have a hot date this weekend and i'm really looking forward to it!"

That way you're letting them know that whatever feelings they think they have towards you, they are not reciprocated.

Tricky really. Did you give them your number or did they obtain it?

See I don't think that would work as most of the group consider me as dating one of them. (We're fwb)

So that hasn't put them off and I can see the "I'm not interested" blunt apeoach that I would normally do ad causing hassle and arguments and I'd rather not alien my friends friends "

Just keep saying no, until he gets the message. If you're not encouraging him he should back off when he gets nothing back.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

Because he wants a cuddle?"

So you read the thread and thought "hmmm he sounds like a nicely balanced chap"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

Because he wants a cuddle?

So you read the thread and thought "hmmm he sounds like a nicely balanced chap"?

I just reread everything Wolfy wrote and yes, the man does seem a little struck on him. I wouldn't say he has a serious problem though, not from what has been told to us. The OP is worried about upsetting his group of friends I think?

I did think your serious problem comment was about a man wanting a hug, which isn't a problem to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'd just ignore his messages. Any kind of interaction via phone/text will just encourage him, and even if its just polite replies you send, he'll read more into it. Be polite when you see him but distant. If he confronts you, one to one, THEN you can tell him you're not interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

Because he wants a cuddle?

So you read the thread and thought "hmmm he sounds like a nicely balanced chap"?

I did think your serious problem comment was about a man wanting a hug, which isn't a problem to me.

And as Wolfy hasn't directly told him to stop texting and asking if he's going out, the man wouldn't think his contact isn't welcome. Which is why I said be straight with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

Because he wants a cuddle?

So you read the thread and thought "hmmm he sounds like a nicely balanced chap"?

I did think your serious problem comment was about a man wanting a hug, which isn't a problem to me.

No but thinking you've had hugs with a person when they've only stood next to you for a picture is a bit weird.

I accidentally touched the guys hand in the Chinese when he was giving me my change, do you think he thought I wanted to fuck him? He be right cos he makes bloody lovely crispy beef!

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

Because he wants a cuddle?

So you read the thread and thought "hmmm he sounds like a nicely balanced chap"?

I did think your serious problem comment was about a man wanting a hug, which isn't a problem to me.

It's about a man, who most people assumed was a needy woman, who messages another man "every week" who clearly isn't interested and is "not very bright". The fact that he wants to hug people that don't want to hug him is disturbing.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I accidentally touched the guys hand in the Chinese when he was giving me my change, do you think he thought I wanted to fuck him? "

No but it gave me a semi and i had a bloody good wank about it afterwards

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Just be straight. Next time they make contact respond with something like "I may be wrong but I get the impression that you're interested in taking things further. I'm sorry I see you as a friend only" then respond no further.

No chance for misunderstanding, no drama."

Yup. Normal adult communication works really well usually.....mind you, only when dealing with normal adults maybe....

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

Because he wants a cuddle?

So you read the thread and thought "hmmm he sounds like a nicely balanced chap"?

I did think your serious problem comment was about a man wanting a hug, which isn't a problem to me.

No but thinking you've had hugs with a person when they've only stood next to you for a picture is a bit weird.

I accidentally touched the guys hand in the Chinese when he was giving me my change, do you think he thought I wanted to fuck him? He be right cos he makes bloody lovely crispy beef! "

Pmsl....good point

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Why can't you just say that you arent interested? I don't get the complications?!

You've never turned down a girl that is throwing herself at you, have you? Bitches be trippin'"

Nope.... Am fab straught

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Why can't you just say that you arent interested? I don't get the complications?!

You've never turned down a girl that is throwing herself at you, have you? Bitches be trippin'

Nope.... Am fab straught

Don't worry, we've established it's a guy he's turning down now. Different brand of wierd now.

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

We like your style

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By *avrick15Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Must be fab straight dude looking for a bromance...

"Yeah I will be your wing man on your fwb adventures... I can watch and help you in the mix like a handy towel boy...."

Fckin weirdo....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh BTW it's a guy not a woman.

Well he sounds like a woman, infant no, I wouldn't even message a guy just asking for a hug.

Yup, he's got serious problems

Because he wants a cuddle?

So you read the thread and thought "hmmm he sounds like a nicely balanced chap"?

I did think your serious problem comment was about a man wanting a hug, which isn't a problem to me.

No but thinking you've had hugs with a person when they've only stood next to you for a picture is a bit weird.

I accidentally touched the guys hand in the Chinese when he was giving me my change, do you think he thought I wanted to fuck him? He be right cos he makes bloody lovely crispy beef! "

Wolfy put his arm around the man's shoulder. Perhaps he gives really nice shoulder hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP why would the group be weird with you if you politely turned the guy down? If they already think you're dating, wouldn't they expect you to turn him down?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Be clear but not potentially inferred as critical or hurtful. Some people are slower to pick up hints or are blinded due to their motivations. Aim for clarity and consistency, potentially building the message piece by piece for someone.

If you're not interested in dating anyone at all, that's a different message from not interested in dating him/her, as an example.

I'd generally speak more frequently with people who are important to me more then others who aren't. Ensure all of your behaviour matches all of the clear message that you want her to have. Your actions are potentially much more important than your words!!

Perhaps a little sensitive digging with friends in that group could help you discover a bit more. Again, your actions there could be misinterpreted - so use caution.

If it's not particularly important to associate with the group immediately, then consider that of you don't, your behaviour is congruent with you not having great interest in her.

Finally, men and women can of course just be great friends - she may only expect that perhaps? But if someone has issues understanding situations, it may be preferable to not take any risks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Must be fab straight dude looking for a bromance...

"Yeah I will be your wing man on your fwb adventures... I can watch and help you in the mix like a handy towel boy...."

Fckin weirdo....

Well no he's a gay man with no connection to fab?

It's just a bit weird as he doesn't seem to pick up on any hints (one word replies or just no replies, nor replying results in any "any reason you ok not heard from you in ages" after like a few days.)

And given how weirdly attached he's been i think a blunt No via any online/text etc could be very miss represented to other people/not sure how he'd react.

So I think it's best done in person with witnesses.

I'm thinking if I do numb into him at the weekend overt public displays of affection with my fwb may be a decent hint and as said if he says anything 1 on 1 tell him then hut hope he gets the hint.

It's just one of those situations where I'm not expecting a normal reaction to rejection and I really don't want another crazed stalker the last one was a bad enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/06/17 00:09:14]

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By *avrick15Man
over a year ago

glasgow

"Must be fab straight dude looking for a bromance...

"Yeah I will be your wing man on your fwb adventures... I can watch and help you in the mix like a handy towel boy...."

Fckin weirdo....

Well no he's a gay man with no connection to fab?

And given how weirdly attached he's been i think a blunt No via any online/text etc could be very miss represented to other people/not sure how he'd react.

So I think it's best done in person with witnesses.

I'm thinking if I do numb into him at the weekend overt public displays of affection with my fwb may be a decent hint and as said if he says anything 1 on 1 tell him then hut hope he gets the hint.

It's just one of those situations where I'm not expecting a normal reaction to rejection and I really don't want another crazed stalker the last one was a bad enough. "

Just realised you're listed as Bi and you state he's openly gay.. fair enough.. missed that

Must be misreading signs then..

I would try to just play down any interaction on the next group outing and if he comes on a bit then take him aside and just talk to him about it and say flattered but not interested

Best to be upfront

Hope it works out

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