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relationship help

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

hi there,

me and my gf have been going out for 5 months now and when we started dating she would have days where she wasnt physically attracted to me.

We have talked about it and she does say that she loves me and ive been the best bf that shes ever had in that im there to support her emotinally and help deal with some aspects of her ocd.

She has also said that she is usually attracted to me apart from the off days.

I've accepted that she will always have her on and off moments and said that the day that she feels like this about loving me is the day we call it an end.

Our sex life is ok, we havent really had sex many times - she says that with me and her last bf who she got back together with after splitting up previously she just doesnt feel like having sex anymore and she says that she used to love sex when she was younger. There are times though when she is up for it.

I dont know what to do, im happy staying with her because I love her and attracted to her and she loves me and is attracted to me most of the time.

would love to know what you would you do?

thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay firstly... if she doesnt know your on here.. its not going to help if she does..

If she does.. I would consider not meeting while you sort this out..

I dont know you, and I dont know your G/F but it sounds like something quite serious... to say that she does not find you attractive.

Even being that I have many years experience in advising in this area I am not going to give you much advise except this..

Go to couples threapy and I suggest your g/f speaks to someone alone too..

Forget about how many times your not having it.. and find other things to do..

when she isnt finding you sexually attractive ( which can be hard on you too) do something none sexual... spend the night doing things that would basically count as a date.. see a movie, cuddle up...

It is worth seeking help as it could be an hormonal imbalance too..

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's unconventional it's perhaps cruel it's perhaps dangerous but it could be enlightening... so I'll advise this.

Casually mention other women in your anecdotes from work or a class you go to or in some aspect of your life away from your life together. In my experience your g/f will go all territorial if she imagines someone else is moving in on her turf. During this time preen yourself and pay particular attention to being loving charming and enhancing the points she loves when shes not having an off day.

If she doesnt even react to this then it is, as the previous poster wrote - pretty deep seted and you really need professional advice.

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

hey,

thank you for your advice.

I think that the time she doesnt find me attractive is more or less when she is on her period.

she does say that she finds me attractive most of the time.

when she doesnt find me attractive she dwells on it and starts to panic due to her ocd.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

deal with it

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

It sounds to me as though she could be suffering from depression. You say she has "off days" depression can put you right of sex. You also says she has OCD is she getting help for this if so perhaps she could mention her other problems to the doctor at the same time.

Comfort her, be patient and forgodness sake if she doenst know your on here its not going to make things easier if she finds outxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think for any proper and true advice, the question that needs asking/answering is : does your gf know you are on here? that in itself could be the source of her problems with you, if she suspects you are not being true to her.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"deal with it "

Well that was useful advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"deal with it

Well that was useful advice "

it is if someone passes you a deck of cards and your not sure what to do . . . .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay you mention OCD.. now OCD can just be that.. OCD...but it can be a sign of other underlying psychological issues..

The fact she is worried about how she behaves shows even more concern for me...

If its around her period, then I dont believe anyone should suffer like that and there are plenty of things out there that can help hormonal imbalance..

I am lucky and normally dont suffer badly with pmt.. however when I had the pill.. Suddenly I found myself getting very insecure during those times and being very difficult. I couldnt even see it in myself though.. but once I knew it was very distressing for me.

Suggest she mentions it to her Doctor...

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so on the days she aint finding him attractive hes onhere lookin for it elsewhere?

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

ask a close friend preferably female or a relative..

asking on the forums will open you up to some criticism from others, and by the sound of it you dont need that..

imho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seriously Pirt...

If you two have issues, which we all have ( had ) talk "with" your partner... And only your partner... And she the same...

Listen "but only" to each other...

Trust and trust in each other...

And... If in doubt answer the following ( to yourselves... ) honestly and from the soul:

"If I won the lottery tomorrow.... would I stay with you?"

The rest is detail;-);-);-)

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one is up for it all the time and it's perfectly natural for a woman's libido to rise and fall in tune with her menstrual cycle.

Has there honestly never been a time when you couldn't be arsed? Sick, hungover, tired, stressed, preoccupied?

I feel like a blood soaked, pot bellied, tear stained mess during my period, and I ache from my neck to my knees. Sexy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/07/11 19:03:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 27/07/11 19:03:33]"

Or a "qualified doctor"...

( Thanks Cali.;-) )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would say if you love her deal with it we all have days when the person your with isnt the one that day or you need space,

as for not having much sex well then increase your bond in other ways such as nights out meals make her feel special i.e. make the event or fun what she wants and not oh i hope i get laid after this,

make the thing what she wants ask her she may want night in or night out but if you make her special she will see you want her on the good and bad days

as for not having much sex all i can say is SO!!!! is it that imprtant sorry but if you love someone cos you done have sex much shouldnt be an issue the being with her when she needs should be the issue

and yes ive just spouted advice what is the world coming too lmao

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

If the relationship means anything to you, seek professional help through agencies such as Relate. They will go through a thorough assessment and ask questions you may not have thought about. It is no guarantee you will sort the issue but you will have a better understanding and hopefully take things to another level. I would advise to do this sooner rather than later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If the relationship means anything to you, seek professional help through agencies such as Relate. They will go through a thorough assessment and ask questions you may not have thought about. It is no guarantee you will sort the issue but you will have a better understanding and hopefully take things to another level. I would advise to do this sooner rather than later."

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No one is up for it all the time and it's perfectly natural for a woman's libido to rise and fall in tune with her menstrual cycle.

Has there honestly never been a time when you couldn't be arsed? Sick, hungover, tired, stressed, preoccupied?

I feel like a blood soaked, pot bellied, tear stained mess during my period, and I ache from my neck to my knees. Sexy."

Tra suffers with it too..we've been together 30 years and there's still some days of the month.she won't look at me. I would say I've learned to live with it but that's not true. It's part of who she is and I love her nonetheless.I just watch what I say sometimes as her sense of humour has a holiday.

As Stephen Lynch says..Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

You make me sick, how hypocritical can one person actually be? Let the poor woman go and find a nice man who could be faithful to her. Love her but looking for nsa sex? That's just too much. Z

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

hey

thanks for all the advice, we do talk about it and i do my best to make her feel special and loved and she does know that and comments on the things i do that make her feel special and help her overcome her ocd.

she has come a long way with her ocd and she was seeing a specialist about it, she has talked to her family about not being physically attracted to me and they have supported her.

I guess I wasnt clear in my first post, I was just wondering what you guys would do, if you would deal with it and work through it like how i am trying to do or end it.

thanks ppl

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

End it, she deserves better. Z

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