FabSwingers.com forum: Protecting a teen

By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Hi everybody.

My oldest child is a 16 year old boy, we have a fairly good communicative relationship although of course we don't always see eye to eye on everything. He is what I would consider well behaved in most cases, and although not overly mature for his age he is a good egg.

He has confided in me that some teenagers from another town have started coming into our town and literally taking things off him and his friends, whilst threatening them that they mustn't tell anybody or they will be hurt. They have taken money and a bike and other things from his group and so now he doesn't leave the house with anything he wants to bring home..just in case.

I understand of course that these threats might be empty threats, but regardless, to not be able to feel free in your own town, and to feel threatened or at risk is not good.

It's only because we have a good relationship that he told me, and he feels probably his friends haven't told their parents. He doesn't want me to report it'll take anything further, but he feels very upset himself that he has this stress when he is in his own neighborhood. Has anybody got any advice for me as I'm really not sure where to start with this.

I have suggested that I tell a local policeman but also explain that we don't want him to take anything further, we would just like him to be able to keep an extra eye out when he is in our locality, but to not count it as a report or anything of that nature.

My son is happy for me to do that so long as nobody can find out that it originated from us.

I don't really know what else I might be able to do, where to go for support or advice. Maybe someone here could direct me?

Thank you everybody.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without sounding harsh at some point he's going to have to stand on his own two feet and stand up for himself it's the only way to deal with bullies.

Like they say kids will be kids it's all part of a learning curve we all go through at that age.

Good luck for your lad. .

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By *lwaysreay9Man
over a year ago

Next to you

Reading this makes my blood boil, I can't give you advice because how I would handle the situation is totally different. I hope you get this sorted!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Errr... Things have been stolen? Why don't the people who've been stolen from, want the police involved?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Hi

I've thankfully not come across any of this kind of thing but I think that's the way to go, for now.

Keep a close eye on things, ask your son for updates and take it from there. Hopefully they'll get bored if your son and his friends have nothing of value on them x

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Thank you I really don't know where to start, he felt that the people who took the stuff are so much harder and tougher and him and his friends.

One of the boys said he's just got out of jail and he's going back next week and couldn't care les, he had scars on his cheeks.

I know that he has to stand on his own two feet but I'm not sure to go up against this kind of situation is good for somebody who doesn't know much about this side of the world yet.

I went through the situation with him but really I can't even see myselfanything more he could have done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone has made threats get the police invloved, to me this situation sounds serious enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you formally report it to the police then nothing will be done. My advice would be to report it.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Yeah I would make an appointment at the local police station and tell them your concerns.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to be honest, I would override your sons wishes and tell the police

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you I really don't know where to start, he felt that the people who took the stuff are so much harder and tougher and him and his friends.

One of the boys said he's just got out of jail and he's going back next week and couldn't care les, he had scars on his cheeks.

I know that he has to stand on his own two feet but I'm not sure to go up against this kind of situation is good for somebody who doesn't know much about this side of the world yet.

I went through the situation with him but really I can't even see myselfanything more he could have done. "
like the poster above said he's gona have to learn to stand for himself you're not gona be around forever to help him.... bullies pick on people who they think are weak you helping him is not gona make him strong

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Thank you I really don't know where to start, he felt that the people who took the stuff are so much harder and tougher and him and his friends.

One of the boys said he's just got out of jail and he's going back next week and couldn't care les, he had scars on his cheeks.

I know that he has to stand on his own two feet but I'm not sure to go up against this kind of situation is good for somebody who doesn't know much about this side of the world yet.

I went through the situation with him but really I can't even see myselfanything more he could have done. "

I think the police have to be involved. These yobs can't go around intimidating and stealing things off young people. Where does it end. Maybe get together with the other parents and come up with a plan. Good luck.

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By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago

Henley Arden

I don't know where you living so hard to tell if it's in the country or a big city. This can make a difference.

This happened a few years ago to a very small town by us. The Police put on a more visible presence and the thugs moved away to easier targets.

If a city then they can target pinch points and just make life awquard for the thugs. This will generally force them to other areas.

If its just started to happen the Police may not be aware of it happening. The Cops do know the regular thugs etc.

Contact the local police. Report the crime being commuted.

Unfortunately it's impossible for an individual to physically fight a gang no matter how hard it big. Unless you have a harder bigger gang.

Also getting street savvy takes time.

Hope this helped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember your son is probably suger coating this for you also and only telling you the basic details - the reality could be a lot worse, and will only escalate if nothing is done.

Start with your headmaster they have many years experience to offer in situations I'm sure they see all the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there any older brothers or so to look out for him.?

It also clearly sounds like these thugs are known to the police already so maybe if you and and your son's mates parents got together and have a quite word with the local copper and ask them to give them a warning especially as things have been stolen.

This needs to be nipped in the bud.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Thank you I really don't know where to start, he felt that the people who took the stuff are so much harder and tougher and him and his friends.

One of the boys said he's just got out of jail and he's going back next week and couldn't care les, he had scars on his cheeks.

I know that he has to stand on his own two feet but I'm not sure to go up against this kind of situation is good for somebody who doesn't know much about this side of the world yet.

I went through the situation with him but really I can't even see myselfanything more he could have done. like the poster above said he's gona have to learn to stand for himself you're not gona be around forever to help him.... bullies pick on people who they think are weak you helping him is not gona make him strong "

Totally, he needs to stand his ground.....as much as we want to wrap them up in cotton wool, at 16 he has life lessons to learn and one of those lessons is to stand up up for yourself.

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By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago

Henley Arden

"Thank you I really don't know where to start, he felt that the people who took the stuff are so much harder and tougher and him and his friends.

One of the boys said he's just got out of jail and he's going back next week and couldn't care les, he had scars on his cheeks.

I know that he has to stand on his own two feet but I'm not sure to go up against this kind of situation is good for somebody who doesn't know much about this side of the world yet.

She IS helping him by showing how to use the correct system and whom to contact. Also talking through the events rationally and coming up with intelligent soloutions is being educational.

Learning how to avoid these situations is often better than dealing head on sometime. Being stabbed is not a good day out.

He is only 17.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to inform the police. These shits will be known to them and the safer neighbourhood (or similar) will he happy for a reason to pull them on their way back home

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Thank you so much for everybody's advice. I will take your points on board and then waiting for the police to get back to me now.

It is a difficult situation regarding getting together with the other parents, as he feels his friends will not have told their parents as they are worried by the threats.

We live just outside the town where these bullies live, so a smaller neighborhood.

I do appreciate everybody's imput.

Just incidentally to the people who feel he needs to stand up for himself, in what way is it best for him to do that, I don't want him to think of having to carry a knife or similar, that he has been told the other people have. He hasn't ever had a fight, what would be the best way for him to stand up to these people? I ask this in earnest as I really do not know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey OP.

Firstly, this situation sucks big time, and I'm sorry your boy and his mates are having to go through it.

When I was a kid, my group of friends were regularly targeted by a group from another school. I remember bikes being taken, school bags trashed and the one occasion they went for me, being thrown over a garden wall and having my trainers and socks nicked so I had to walk the rest of the way home bare foot.

At the very least what your son is experiencing is harassment, which is a crime, and if left to go on could result in something far worse along the lines of assault, and based on your response to another's comment, it sounds like the other kids could go down that path with altogether terrible consequences.

I'm afraid, as others have said, your best course of action is to report it. The police, despite what lots think of them, are actually really good in these situations, after all no one wants a kid stabbing another kid over some trainers or a mobile phone. I think if you explained the concerns of your son and his friends about an increased likelihood of being attacked, they would work out the best course of action. Even just another walk of their route at key times will have a huge impact on the frequency the other kids try their luck.

Cops can be very subtle when they need to be, but you got to tell them, your son and his mates might only be the tip of the iceberg in terms of who they are targeting.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sounding harsh at some point he's going to have to stand on his own two feet and stand up for himself it's the only way to deal with bullies.

Like they say kids will be kids it's all part of a learning curve we all go through at that age.

Good luck for your lad. .

It's easy for you to say that, but in reality it's not so easy. My 16 yr old grand son has been hit across the back of his knees with a cricket bat, had a home made blade dragged down his face and drain cleaner solution thrown in his face. It's not a case of stand up to them and have a little fist fight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you so much for everybody's advice. I will take your points on board and then waiting for the police to get back to me now.

It is a difficult situation regarding getting together with the other parents, as he feels his friends will not have told their parents as they are worried by the threats.

We live just outside the town where these bullies live, so a smaller neighborhood.

I do appreciate everybody's imput.

A confidential word with the police is essential first. Then, as regards your son standing up for himself, encourage him to join his local boxing club. Once he has learnt how to box properly, he will be able to defend himself and, believe me, once someone has had just one good punch (particularly a bully) he will not get bothered again.

It will also teach him discipline, keep him fit and keep him off the streets to a certain extent - good luck.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

All these people telling her to get her son to man up make me laugh. Like all he needs to do is stand up to them and they'll see the error of their ways and never bother him again.

Bullies are bullies for a reason. They don't back off, or run away. If he stands up to them they'll beat him up, or worse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All these people telling her to get her son to man up make me laugh. Like all he needs to do is stand up to them and they'll see the error of their ways and never bother him again.

Bullies are bullies for a reason. They don't back off, or run away. If he stands up to them they'll beat him up, or worse.

This

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Thank you everybody I am taking note of everything here and really appreciate all the comments.

I hadn't thought of it before but I do think these boys do probably target quite a few different groups and therefore it's not only my son's group that might need assistance.

I will let the police know, they may have had similar reports from other parents.

They will know best how to advise us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you so much for everybody's advice. I will take your points on board and then waiting for the police to get back to me now.

It is a difficult situation regarding getting together with the other parents, as he feels his friends will not have told their parents as they are worried by the threats.

We live just outside the town where these bullies live, so a smaller neighborhood.

I do appreciate everybody's imput.

It will also teach him discipline, keep him fit and keep him off the streets to a certain extent - good luck."

But also this.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"All these people telling her to get her son to man up make me laugh. Like all he needs to do is stand up to them and they'll see the error of their ways and never bother him again.

Bullies are bullies for a reason. They don't back off, or run away. If he stands up to them they'll beat him up, or worse.

I was bullied as a teen.

A lot.

I was small and weak, an easy target.

My parents told the school.

It didn't help.

Fast forward a few years, and I took up martial arts.

I avoided fights when I went out, just walked away.

Soon enough those old bullies got fed up of goading me and getting no response, and backed me into a corner.

That was a big mistake.

It took a couple of fights, but then word got out, and they left me alone.

Now I am free to go where I like without worrying about who I might bump into.

My kids got bullied, I tought them how to fight.... Now they too walk freely.

To those who say violence isn't the answer, I wish I could say you are right, but I can't.

I have never started a fight, and always tried to walk away, and I tought my kids the same, but when backed into a corner it is fists, not words, that meant we could all come home safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All these people telling her to get her son to man up make me laugh. Like all he needs to do is stand up to them and they'll see the error of their ways and never bother him again.

Bullies are bullies for a reason. They don't back off, or run away. If he stands up to them they'll beat him up, or worse.

We all deal with bullies every day, and some of the hard men above would be the first to back down if they came across someone harder than them. Violence begets violence in this country; don't go down that route."
so you would prefer him to run away from everyone who threatened him or every dangerous situation? Yes violence begats violence but at some point he's gona have to make a stand it's not about maning up and taking on a whole gang standing up could mean going to the police himself or even there parents

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

I'm all for standing up to people, god knows Ive never backed down from someone that's tried to threaten or intimidate me but outside of being a TV im a big person and can be pretty intimidating if I wish to be. However a lot of people are also forgetting that a lot of youth nowadays carry weapons, it's not like it was where you would have a punch up and that would be it, nowadays even a punch up can lead to retaliation next time they turn up with weapons. The police is probably the best option but there's a high chance that not a lot can be done. Unless the police have a constant presence they will run into them again. The best option is to try to expand the group of friends so they outnumber the assholes, strength is numbers is a real thing, 6 average or weak people will still take 3 hard bastards if they all go in together

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By *imandher84Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

I truly feel for your situation op and wish there was a cut and dry solution, i'm a dad so my solution would obviously be quite simple but if i may ask is there a dad or male member of your family you could involve that's not intimidated easily?

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By *all and ChainWoman
over a year ago

Truro

"Unless you formally report it to the police then nothing will be done. My advice would be to report it. "

And if you report it to the police you might get an incident number... aaaannnnd... nothing will be done.

At 16 he ain't a boy, he's a young man.

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By *isexhotcoupleCouple
over a year ago

london

bullys are the biggest cowards going! they only pick on the people they know for a fact wont stand up to them and decent people usually wont stand up to them! I had it when I was younger till I started martial arts not saying I every kicked anyones ass or anything because I never needed to! As I said bullies are cowards and wont pick on people that can handle themselves!

I know its not immediate action but id encourage your son to find a class or style he likes it would also be fantastic for his confidence like it had for mine all those years ago!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not read all or if been said.

It is part of growing up and having to defend oneself against bullies - usually strength in numbers.

Send your boy and maybe friends to self defense classes, so can best protect himself/themselves if needed.

It's a dangerous world out there for kids growing up

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By *all and ChainWoman
over a year ago

Truro

"All these people telling her to get her son to man up make me laugh. Like all he needs to do is stand up to them and they'll see the error of their ways and never bother him again.

Bullies are bullies for a reason. They don't back off, or run away. If he stands up to them they'll beat him up, or worse.

totally, utterly, completely wrong.

Bullies go for low hanging fruit, bullies shy away from anything higher on the food chain.

We don't all deal with bullies every day either, those of us who aren't crippled with wishy washy liberal notions don't even see bullies, they steer clear.

While it is also true that the internet is indeed full of keyboard warriors, it is also true that when it comes to protecting kids from harm lots of those so-called keyboard warriors wouldn't be the ones backing down or running away crying.

Passively taking it up the ass is what begets violence in this country, immediate and brutal retaliation is what ends it, the problem is that what happens then is the instigator runs to the police and claims victim status, and the innocent person who did not start anything, just ended it, gets dragged off to court... that empowerment for the bully is what *really* begets violence in this country.

The 16 year old needs to wake up and play the system he finds himself living in, scarface punk tried to sell me a gun and some heroin.

true story, there was a local kid, 14, who suffered the same treatment, he went out one night with a small backpack (£2 from a charity shop) filled with dog shit he'd collected from the park bins, when the bullies approached next he pelted them with it, the erstwhile bully is now billy-no-mates and is followed around by 6 years old cat calling him "Hey dogshit" and killing themselves laughing.

The 14 year old has the local girls calling him "dank ****" in a tone of respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All these people telling her to get her son to man up make me laugh. Like all he needs to do is stand up to them and they'll see the error of their ways and never bother him again.

Bullies are bullies for a reason. They don't back off, or run away. If he stands up to them they'll beat him up, or worse.

totally, utterly, completely wrong.

Bullies go for low hanging fruit, bullies shy away from anything higher on the food chain.

We don't all deal with bullies every day either, those of us who aren't crippled with wishy washy liberal notions don't even see bullies, they steer clear.

The 16 year old needs to wake up and play the system he finds himself living in, scarface punk tried to sell me a gun and some heroin.

The 14 year old has the local girls calling him "dank ****" in a tone of respect."

There is a difference between a bully and a thug.

If he tries to stand up to protect himself and ends up with a knife in his gut that really won't make him any more of a man...

I wouldn't want my son if I had one to try and stand up to a thug, calling police is the smart thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yiu need to report it for the crime number anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This sounds heart breaking. In my opinion the 'man up' approach is nonsense for so many reasons. And I really do think your only option is to talk to the police in some way. Oh, and keep on being an awesome mum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to face bullies down.

There are two options.

(1) Inform the police

(2) The only thing he takes out with him is a baseball bat.

One of these options is sensible, the other is not.

You may decide which is which.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry, I was going to be passive here, but am seriously annoyed at the stupidity of those saying to go and have a fight and that eventually it will go that way.

Read the news, watch it, kids are assholes and kids who are thugs and bullies do carry weapons. If it was your kid would you really be telling them to go fight a thug with a knife? If the answer is yes, I hope you learn the terrible consequences of that advice. Sorry if others feel that's a step too far, but if you're going spout such shit advice, I hope you get to experience what the outcome of it might be.

Violence is never, ever the answer to any problem. Some might think me a softy for say this, but it's true.

I was horrendously bullied at school for having long hair, got my ass handed to me everyday for it, was scared to go to school at times, yes I had fights along the way and you know what, I got my ass handed to me by the kids bigger brother instead of him. And eye for an eye is not the way to solve any problem.

It takes a bigger, smarter, more intelligent person to see that and that going to to toe doesn't solve the problem. As someone said, win a fight today, face the retaliation tomorrow and then hit repeat, what a wonderful lesson to teach a young man.

Those that say fight, you morons.

Those that say learn self defence, hmm ok, so long as the emphasis is defence.

And those that are the bigger, smarter and more intelligent advising to go to the police - I want to know people like you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry, I was going to be passive here, but am seriously annoyed at the stupidity of those saying to go and have a fight and that eventually it will go that way.

Violence is never, ever the answer to any problem. Some might think me a softy for say this, but it's true.

Those that say fight, you morons.

Those that say learn self defence, hmm ok, so long as the emphasis is defence.

And those that are the bigger, smarter and more intelligent advising to go to the police - I want to know people like you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sounding harsh at some point he's going to have to stand on his own two feet and stand up for himself it's the only way to deal with bullies.

Like they say kids will be kids it's all part of a learning curve we all go through at that age.

Good luck for your lad. .

I second that!

But you also have to involve the police. Your son and you shouldn't worry that it may be found out the report comes from you. Noone should live in fear. It's not the times of Chicago mafia, it's a relatively free and safe country.

Report to the police without delay.

If you don't, you'll only encourage thise fuckers to carry on and do something much worse one day - much worse. See it from that angle - you may help them by saving them from more trouble and prison.

Your lad had better learn also to throw punches. Square with precise aim at the 10.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This kind of thing has always been rife and is just part of being a teenager I'm afraid.

If he doesn't want to go to the police he needs to make connections - getting on well with an older group of guys who will vouch for you will stop most trouble coming his way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sounding harsh at some point he's going to have to stand on his own two feet and stand up for himself it's the only way to deal with bullies.

Like they say kids will be kids it's all part of a learning curve we all go through at that age.

Good luck for your lad. .

I respectfully disagree with your suggestion that he needs to learn to stand up for himself.

I second that!

Report to the police without delay.

If you don't, you'll only encourage thise fuckers to carry on and do something much worse one day - much worse. See it from that angle - you may help them by saving them from more trouble and prison.

Your lad had better learn also to throw punches. Square with precise aim at the 10. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry, I was going to be passive here, but am seriously annoyed at the stupidity of those saying to go and have a fight and that eventually it will go that way.

Violence is never, ever the answer to any problem. Some might think me a softy for say this, but it's true.

Those that say fight, you morons.

Those that say learn self defence, hmm ok, so long as the emphasis is defence.

And those that are the bigger, smarter and more intelligent advising to go to the police - I want to know people like you."

Responding with violence isn't always a bad option in my experience.

I've always been a very well mannered person and avoided fights even when I knew I was the stronger kid. I didn't want the other kid to suffer,funny enough.

But I protected quite a few kids from bullies. Sometimes it was enough to just stand between them and shield or tell them off, but on occasion had to punch and kick.

I'm glad I did it. The bullies never returned...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If gangs with knives are involved, there's no question that those have to be stopped.

Police, baseball bats, whatever it takes...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sounding harsh at some point he's going to have to stand on his own two feet and stand up for himself it's the only way to deal with bullies.

Like they say kids will be kids it's all part of a learning curve we all go through at that age.

Good luck for your lad. .

I respectfully disagree with your suggestion that he needs to learn to stand up for himself.

I second that!

Report to the police without delay.

If you don't, you'll only encourage thise fuckers to carry on and do something much worse one day - much worse. See it from that angle - you may help them by saving them from more trouble and prison.

Your lad had better learn also to throw punches. Square with precise aim at the 10. "

I lost a post. I respectfully disagree with the suggestion that he should stand up for himself. After all, it won't seem so clever when some horrible fucker hurts him will it or did I miss the 'become a bad ass overnight' or 'become knife proof' class at school?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sounding harsh at some point he's going to have to stand on his own two feet and stand up for himself it's the only way to deal with bullies.

Like they say kids will be kids it's all part of a learning curve we all go through at that age.

Good luck for your lad. .

I don't agree sorry, I don't think the kind of thing the OPs son is experiencing is "kids being kids" more like " scum being scum" there are low life thieves who don't give a fuck.

I don't think telling the OP that her son should stand up for himself, is helpful in the slightest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Standing up for yourself doesn't necessarily mean a fist fight in the street, just talking to you means he is standing up for himself by trying to do something about it, your next move is to show him how to use the resources available to him to achieve that, which your doing by using intelligent intellect and planning ahead. The police are your main weapon in this, unity among friends to all tell their side of the problem, 5 people reporting a problem rather than 1 makes it more credible to be worth dealing with, along with not taking things out that the gang want will also help. The more authorities/parents/friends and locals know of a problem means more people will help to solve it.

The most important thing of all is that he's come to you for advice and help, teaching him that doing something he might not think will help but will actually resolve the problem in the end is a great way to help him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Standing up for yourself doesn't necessarily mean a fist fight in the street, just talking to you means he is standing up for himself by trying to do something about it, your next move is to show him how to use the resources available to him to achieve that, which your doing by using intelligent intellect and planning ahead. The police are your main weapon in this, unity among friends to all tell their side of the problem, 5 people reporting a problem rather than 1 makes it more credible to be worth dealing with, along with not taking things out that the gang want will also help. The more authorities/parents/friends and locals know of a problem means more people will help to solve it.

xx"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Our son was targeted by one particular boy for several years. Some of the advice given here is useful and relevant. Some of it (imho) not so.

Self defence classes don't make you able to fight back after the first week but long term they can be useful. What is really useful is the maintenance of your good relationship, the ability to talk about what's going on and your on going support. The police will take this very seriously and if there is a school liaison officer I suggest you talk to them even though it is out of school.

I suggest that your son is standing on his own two feet but needs help to deal with this and implications that a 16 year old be left to deal with this himself aren't helpful.

He will be stronger in character if you help him deal with this and I hope you manage to work through it.

Let us know how you get on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sounding harsh at some point he's going to have to stand on his own two feet and stand up for himself it's the only way to deal with bullies.

Like they say kids will be kids it's all part of a learning curve we all go through at that age.

Good luck for your lad. .

I don't agree sorry, I don't think the kind of thing the OPs son is experiencing is "kids being kids" more like " scum being scum" there are low life thieves who don't give a fuck.

I don't think telling the OP that her son should stand up for himself, is helpful in the slightest."

Well forgive me for not knowing every single detail about what's going on just like everyone else on here.

Happy now.?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondering if the advice would be different if it was a daughter in the same situation with a group of girls?

Children 11-16 (not specifically those ages but I'm just talking senior school age)can be little shits these days and they don't stop for teachers or police. They have no fear as most can play the system and know how far they can push people without getting into serious trouble.

And if you look at the parents sometimes you can see where they have learnt their behaviour from, not always though. That's not an excuses either before I get jumped on.

It's a horrible situation when you can't see an outcome that will work best.

The schools and police put things in place to "protect" certain age groups but really nothing gets done and there's normally a list of reasons why. Sadly something only gets done when someone gets seriously hurt by then it's too late.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cant believe some of the violent advice being given be adults here.

Ive a 17 yo son and id be straight to the police with this. I certainly wouldnt be turning my back in him like many have suggested.

The lad is obviously shitting himself having sat his mum down to tell her. The last thing he wants to hear from his parent/s is man up son and go fight them.

Its far more than name calling here, get the police in would be my advice.

I hope it gets resolved quickly and please dont follow the violent advice given here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This kind of thing has always been rife and is just part of being a teenager I'm afraid.

If he doesn't want to go to the police he needs to make connections - getting on well with an older group of guys who will vouch for you will stop most trouble coming his way."

Do you not have friends/family/neighbours with older children locally who would look out for him if he's unable to make connections on his own?

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By *hooselifeMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Im 21 so a little closer to that world than i suspect most of the fab population just to give my opinion a bit of context.

Interesting viewpoints from everyone here and the correct answer is probably a mixture of it all. Firstly consider we dont have enough facts to make a judgement call on the types of kids these bullies are. It's important to distinguish between typical chav bullies and genuine "i will stab you for looking at me thugs." As im sure its obvious the former leaves you more options than the latter. Everyone knows the right thing to do being contact the authorities and begin that process. No debate there. Now the decision you have is more of a psychological one for your son and is where I see the clash in this forum between always seeking help at confrontation because its the safest thing to do or carrying more pride and standing up for yourself (Note: standing up for yourself does NOT always mean fighting its just not necessarily rolling over). This tends to bleed into personalites and other aspects of life whether it be the workplace or at home. The answer depends on a judgement on the character of the bullies and the situation at hand. Some form of martial arts discipline is fantastic for developing this judgement under pressure and how to efficient deal with confrontation in the instance you've been grabbed. Which gives you time to run (hopefully without handing your possessions over) or do the stereotypical standing up for yourself as decent show of force will dissuade the average bully (as stated before in the forum). Again its a judgement call. If you are worried about knives the answer is don't get grabbed if you don't get grabbed or can defend from being grabbed you can run. But you've still stood up for yourself by not rolling over and making things easy regardless of running or not. It's about being smart and taking pride in that rather than punching someones face in.

In short:

Police? Yes.

Some form of martial arts training is always helpful, not necessarily to use it but to get away safely.

It's all about making the correct judgement on the nature of the situation.

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

As far as role models, we have those but they are not the hard streetwise type of role models, they would be equally scared and also don't know how to deal with this situation.

I am waiting for the police to get back to me so I have gone down that route.

The group my son is in has some 'likely lads' already in from from our area, it's just that these are not the same kind of people, his group are just the experimental, maybe slightly unruly kids, and the other group seems to be proper criminal children. He is told they have knives and one did say he had one on him, although tbey were never visable.

We know that we are out of our depth but we are seeking help.

I'm not immediately worried for to say, but I will be taking it to the police to see what they have to say.

Once again thank you for everybody's advice I do appreciate it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Im 21 so a little closer to that world than i suspect most of the fab population just to give my opinion a bit of context.

In short:

Police? Yes.

Some form of martial arts training is always helpful, not necessarily to use it but to get away safely.

It's all about making the correct judgement on the nature of the situation."

QUOTE It's important to distinguish between typical chav bullies and genuine "i will stab you for looking at me thugs." As im sure its obvious the former leaves you more options than the latter. UNQUOTE.

I do believe they were all upper middle class and that at least two of them had to leave the bullying early as it was their turn to polish the saddle brasses for the dawn hunt in the grounds of Gordonstoun.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Thank you everybody I am taking note of everything here and really appreciate all the comments.

I hadn't thought of it before but I do think these boys do probably target quite a few different groups and therefore it's not only my son's group that might need assistance.

I will let the police know, they may have had similar reports from other parents.

They will know best how to advise us. "

Have to agree with this OP. Someone close, in our family, was sticking up for his younger brother, who was being bullied and took the law into his own hands, totally wrong in our eyes, btw and he ended up with a hefty fine, community work and a criminal record. The bully ended up with compensation....always go to the police.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Err why do people keep saying this is bullying? This isn't some arsehole from school this is actual scumbags committing a crime

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By *hooselifeMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Not sure what you were trying to achieve there. There is an important distinction to be made.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Not sure what you were trying to achieve there. There is an important distinction to be made."

A thief with a knife is a thief with a knife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Boost his confidence get him to martial arts or a boxing club x

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By *hooselifeMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Not sure what you were trying to achieve there. There is an important distinction to be made.

A thief with a knife is a thief with a knife. "

The confirmation that any of them had knives at all came after my initial comment, I was just proposing scenarios.

I still disagree to some extent from personal experience people will carry knives for intimidation and no intent to use them. Other people carry knives with intent to use them I'm just highlighting its important to make the decision before you decide to shout back at them before running away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your son still sees his Dad..then this conversation is a VERY "man type" of conversation.

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By *hooselifeMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Not sure what you were trying to achieve there. There is an important distinction to be made.

A thief with a knife is a thief with a knife.

The confirmation that any of them had knives at all came after my initial comment, I was just proposing scenarios.

Sorry typo. its important to make the judgement not decision

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Violence begets violence in this country; don't go down that route."

True if you were talking about a gang fighting another gang.

Violence is aggression, reasonable force is defence. The law of this country allows the latter. Are you saying that the law is wrong?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Violence begets violence in this country; don't go down that route.

True if you were talking about a gang fighting another gang.

Violence is aggression, reasonable force is defence. The law of this country allows the latter. Are you saying that the law is wrong?

Could it be, is it ever, that simple?

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

In response to a similar situation recently

1 speak again to your son try and establish exactly what were and when the incidents have occurred

2 call 101 the police can either listen to your information and most likely increase PCSO patrols in the area or may want to chat to you to establish more info on whether a crime has been committed

3 Establish if these other boys attend the local school or college as your son - if do its good to contact them and at least inform them

4 does your son know these individuals by name or reputation- if so its highly likely they will be know to the police or a service- it could even be they are breaching an order for being on a patch - again this can be established by the police

5 the advice I would give to my son is hand over the bike / trainers / phone - it will be covered on insurance and it's not worth getting did for stabbed over - try to avoid hotspots where you think there may be trouble x

Finally my son who was a walking advert for ""mug me " had his coat taken off him - he was very shook up. .... Luckily I " know a man" - is there anyone you can turn too that can deliver a " quiet word?"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd definitely encourage informing the police. A 16 year old that I've known was involved in similar threatening behaviour to his group. The police used plain clothes staff to monitor the area in addition to uniformed staff who were visible. It stopped it in a couple of weeks.

Whilst your son is learning, he's not legally a mature adult for a reason, ad he doesn't have the experience or resources to manage things alone.

The police will be helpful and handle things and he and you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly the last thing you should do is go to the police, these crimes aren't heavy enough to carry a jail sentence so they'll get off with it and know that your son "grassed" on them which will only lead to much much worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly the last thing you should do is go to the police, these crimes aren't heavy enough to carry a jail sentence so they'll get off with it and know that your son "grassed" on them which will only lead to much much worse"

No way OP. Fuck them. First thing is the police as the thugs have committed crimes already - assault, robbery. Potentially armed robbery.

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