FabSwingers.com forum: Schoolboy made to write 'Sorry' on piece of paper

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i was reading about this . A mum pulled her 7 year old son out of school after he was made to wright out a apology to repent his Sins on a piece of paper - then had to eat it. I know it was Rice paper but still ... I would not be happy . Just not right to do that in this day and age.

This sort of thing is what my gran would make us do ..... and eat soap if we said a nasty words ,Its very old fashiond .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

that is just so wrong in a school when we put our trust in teachers however i have tipped persil washing powder in my the 8yr old son for swearing at me , he never swore at me again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"that is just so wrong in a school when we put our trust in teachers however i have tipped persil washing powder in my the 8yr old son for swearing at me , he never swore at me again

"
thing is its very rear i swear ..... so it could have helped in a way , But very strange thay would do this sort of thing at school .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol come on its not that bad. didnt you used to get caned?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

I'm not advocating cruelty or physical punishment, but once upon a time if you went home and told your mum you got a punishment at school for something, your parents then punished you for showing them up and getting yourself into trouble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

+1 xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

couldnt agree more. way to soft on kids these days and it shows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually would have applauded the school for doing something..

Schools need to be able to do more punishment.. Get their authority back.

It was rice paper and sure it made him think of his actions.. What hope do schools have when parents react by then not backing up the school.

Had to be a religious school though...

I wash my kids mouth out with soap if they were ever to swear.. words like shut up are banned too..

cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

couldnt agree more. way to soft on kids these days and it shows.

and as someone who works with teenagers with behaviour problems i totally agree , wonder who else pays their kids to go to bed !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My younger brother had a hell of a scrap at school, got a bit bashed up, black eye and bruises, etc, but he won the scrap.

Both he and the other kid had the cane for fighting, and the headmaster gave him a note for our mom and dad.

When we got home, mom gave him another clout for fighting, and I got one too because I was the older brother, and I should have stopped him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a detention or being expelled from school is kinda like a trophy for some children.

i was a 'square' back in my school days and never had a detention, but some people just went out of their way to get them. Schools need to toughen up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My younger brother had a hell of a scrap at school, got a bit bashed up, black eye and bruises, etc, but he won the scrap.

Both he and the other kid had the cane for fighting, and the headmaster gave him a note for our mom and dad.

When we got home, mom gave him another clout for fighting, and I got one too because I was the older brother, and I should have stopped him

lol them was the days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

couldnt agree more. way to soft on kids these days and it shows.

and as someone who works with teenagers with behaviour problems i totally agree , wonder who else pays their kids to go to bed !

Pays them!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

couldnt agree more. way to soft on kids these days and it shows.

and as someone who works with teenagers with behaviour problems i totally agree , wonder who else pays their kids to go to bed !

Pays them!?

yes pays them £2.50 a night if they go to bed on time , I dont agree with it 1 bit but have to go along with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When she needed it (Actually not often) I had no problems smacking my daughter

I havent had to do it since she was 4 years old as now a look is enough fa her ta know im serious

However if she deserved it she would still get one even now (shes now 10)

And if i had to defend myself in a court of law for my actions I would

The roles have been reversed over the last 20 years and the kids are taking over

Its time the adults were back in charge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever my brother or sister did was my fault being the eldest.

I scrapped with my brother over something he did because I knew I'd be blamed. I got a thick ear from my mum for hitting him......can't win with mums. Or should I say, you couldn't then.

Parents always adopted the "you do as I say not as I do attitude"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When she needed it (Actually not often) I had no problems smacking my daughter

I havent had to do it since she was 4 years old as now a look is enough fa her ta know im serious

However if she deserved it she would still get one even now (shes now 10)

And if i had to defend myself in a court of law for my actions I would

The roles have been reversed over the last 20 years and the kids are taking over

Its time the adults were back in charge"

Here Here

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

Hi sis.

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the risk of getting inundated with messages - I blame parents of these kids mainly. I was taught respect and how to behave by my parents. They taught me what was an acceptable way to behave and what they expected of me. I was always aware that what I did would reflect on them so tried to make them proud. Doesn't mean that I was perfect - I didn't get caught doing half the stuff I did ( mischief as opposed to the stuff kids get up to now) when I hear parents now referring to their child as 'pal' or 'mate' - makes me cringe. A parent is there to provide clear guidelines and leadership for the child and lay out clear expectations that way the child knows what's acceptable. Too many just sit their kid in front of xbox/ playststion/DVD instead of doing stuff with the kids and monitoring what they are playing or watching.

Some say they don't have time to do that - they should realise that having kids is a lifelong investment of time energy money nerves values - the list goes on - if you can't commit all that - consider whether having kids is a good idea.

Now fucking and waiting for the abuse to start - hehehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whatever my brother or sister did was my fault being the eldest.

I scrapped with my brother over something he did because I knew I'd be blamed. I got a thick ear from my mum for hitting him......can't win with mums. Or should I say, you couldn't then.

Parents always adopted the "you do as I say not as I do attitude"

Being the eldest, I've had plenty of clouts for things my brother did, but it never worked the other way round.

But thinking about it now, it's given me a "standing" in the family. Both our parents are gone now, and both my brothers see me as the head of the family now, and they both ask me for advice every now and again.

This means a lot to me now, when you consider that my one brother is a successfull businessman and my other brother is Director of Nursing at a private hospital.

Made it Ma, Top o' the world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ducking not fucking fir the record bloody pred txt!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thinking about it, my father never ever lifted a finger to us kids, my mum meted out the punishments.

However if she said those dreaded words "I'm telling your father" we quaked in our boots.

All he did was give us a lecture, tell us how disappointed he was in us and stop our pocket money (usually all returned later)

But it was the respect we held him in, which was reinforced by our mother that made us afraid to be told off by him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ducking not fucking fir the record bloody pred txt!!!"

i did have a giggle thinking of you fucking and watching this thread at same time

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"When she needed it (Actually not often) I had no problems smacking my daughter

I havent had to do it since she was 4 years old as now a look is enough fa her ta know im serious

However if she deserved it she would still get one even now (shes now 10)

And if i had to defend myself in a court of law for my actions I would

The roles have been reversed over the last 20 years and the kids are taking over

Its time the adults were back in charge"

Fully agree!

The problem is these days is all these do-gooders who say 'you mustn't smack the child' or other "arty-farty" ideas.

When I was growing up, our parents were tough but fair. If my brother or me did something wrong and it was serious, we could end up with a few smacks on the backside.

But with it too, we knew there was no grudge carried over; the punishment was over and our parents loved us just as much.

The main point was that if we misbehaved out of the home, say at school, then we knew we were in trouble at home for having received punishment in the first place......and parents always found out!!

Getting a thrashing never did me any harm at all; it helped instil right from wrong and above all, respect for others as well as yourself, all too lacking these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son has behavioural problems due to a marked learning disability and the biggest issue I have had for years with the school is the lack of disipline, all that ever seems to happen is a little chat with a teacher.

Im fairly strict with him at home and never have any of the issues the school does, disipline is lacking in our modern education system and it shows with the amount of children like my son.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thinking about it, my father never ever lifted a finger to us kids, my mum meted out the punishments.

However if she said those dreaded words "I'm telling your father" we quaked in our boots.

All he did was give us a lecture, tell us how disappointed he was in us and stop our pocket money (usually all returned later)

But it was the respect we held him in, which was reinforced by our mother that made us afraid to be told off by him. "

Same in our house too

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread. "

oi im not quite there yet xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My son has behavioural problems due to a marked learning disability and the biggest issue I have had for years with the school is the lack of disipline, all that ever seems to happen is a little chat with a teacher.

Im fairly strict with him at home and never have any of the issues the school does, disipline is lacking in our modern education system and it shows with the amount of children like my son.

Problem is its not the teachers fault its those higher up saying what you cant and cant do ,I know its hard in school but believe me its even harder in the care system

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread. "

My daughter is not over fifty, she has a naughty spot that she sends my grandson to if he's needing time out.

She swore in front of him and he sent her to stand on the naughty spot. Once she was allowed off he asked her, 'now what have we learned from this?' He was three.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

deep down Mum will be happy...

she will be in papers, maybe local news and if she gets enuf attention jezza kyle..

she will be printing and signing pics as we type.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Just an added point to my previous post, in our family, it was usually my father who'd be saying..."wait till your Mother gets home!"

She was the disciplinarian. My father only had to express himself visually and we knew how far over the line we'd stepped.

It took a lot to get him really riled; I only recall him raising his voice once and getting angry- that was scary!

But Mum, when she was angry, you'd to watch out, and there was nowhere to hide either! But she was fair too, and she was always controlled too; it was never OTT.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread.

My daughter is not over fifty, she has a naughty spot that she sends my grandson to if he's needing time out.

She swore in front of him and he sent her to stand on the naughty spot. Once she was allowed off he asked her, 'now what have we learned from this?' He was three.

Lol has he been watching Supernanny by any chance ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

violence is the answer!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"deep down Mum will be happy...

she will be in papers, maybe local news and if she gets enuf attention jezza kyle..

she will be printing and signing pics as we type."
i never looked at it like that _iew .. just made me think of my Gran , and was thinking you dont here alot about things like this in 2011 . But your right if she is that sort of person could make a very big thing of this ..... xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just an added point to my previous post, in our family, it was usually my father who'd be saying..."wait till your Mother gets home!"

She was the disciplinarian. My father only had to express himself visually and we knew how far over the line we'd stepped.

It took a lot to get him really riled; I only recall him raising his voice once and getting angry- that was scary!

But Mum, when she was angry, you'd to watch out, and there was nowhere to hide either! But she was fair too, and she was always controlled too; it was never OTT."

That was same in my house still remember mum taking a hairbrush to my bum whereas Dad just had to look

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread. "

But there's nothing wrong with us "over 50's"!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread. "
lol now now xx age is a number ..... we are as old as we feel and i love feeling 20s , lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"violence is the answer!

Lol a smack aint violence

its a short sharp shock

Where as the social exclusion of the naughty step can actually cause problems in later life (my personal _iew)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread.

My daughter is not over fifty, she has a naughty spot that she sends my grandson to if he's needing time out.

She swore in front of him and he sent her to stand on the naughty spot. Once she was allowed off he asked her, 'now what have we learned from this?' He was three.

Lol has he been watching Supernanny by any chance ?"

I remember his mum racing through the house at about the same age and when I asked her where she was off to in such a hurry, she told me she was going to sit on the naughty step...... even at her age she knew she had been naught and was going to get time out!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i was reading about this . A mum pulled her 7 year old son out of school after he was made to wright out a apology to repent his Sins on a piece of paper - then had to eat it. I know it was Rice paper but still ... I would not be happy . Just not right to do that in this day and age.

This sort of thing is what my gran would make us do ..... and eat soap if we said a nasty words ,Its very old fashiond ."

What a strange thing for a teacher to do. Obviously its not a good way of punishing a child. I do think children are out of control in some schools but i don't really know what the answer is.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

I remember as a kid hearing my Dad tell of a trick he played on a neighbour , which involved fresh dog poo, a lolly stick, a drawing pin and a 'sneck' on a back gate.

I played the trick, my Dad found out and I got a clout from him. When I protested and said that he'd done it, he said "Yes, and I got a clout for doing it too". My reply "You never said that bit"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember as a kid hearing my Dad tell of a trick he played on a neighbour , which involved fresh dog poo, a lolly stick, a drawing pin and a 'sneck' on a back gate.

I played the trick, my Dad found out and I got a clout from him. When I protested and said that he'd done it, he said "Yes, and I got a clout for doing it too". My reply "You never said that bit"

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Here too.

It's rapidly becoming an over 50's thread.

But there's nothing wrong with us "over 50's"!

True, we're the lucky ones in many ways.

OThe previous generation grew up in difficult times 30's through to early 50's.

Wouldn't want to be in my teens again either.

There may be trouble ahead .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My little one is no way near school age but it is making me think about the future, she is just starting to understand the word 'no' but still a lil terror.

Ive never smacked her in fear of getting called a bad mother, but im sure there will be times when raising my voice will no longer be enough.. dreading the 'terrible two's'

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

This sort of thing is what my gran would make us do ..... and eat soap if we said a nasty words ,Its very old fashiond .

What a strange thing for a teacher to do. Obviously its not a good way of punishing a child. I do think children are out of control in some schools but i don't really know what the answer is. "

Quality parenting from day one? ( day -270 in reality?)

Of course, quality parenting is subjective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just an added point to my previous post, in our family, it was usually my father who'd be saying..."wait till your Mother gets home!"

She was the disciplinarian. My father only had to express himself visually and we knew how far over the line we'd stepped.

It took a lot to get him really riled; I only recall him raising his voice once and getting angry- that was scary!

But Mum, when she was angry, you'd to watch out, and there was nowhere to hide either! But she was fair too, and she was always controlled too; it was never OTT.

That was same in my house still remember mum taking a hairbrush to my bum whereas Dad just had to look

A hairbrush to your arse? Were you very hairy as a child?

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By *woBiTwoCouple
over a year ago

north manchester

You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just an added point to my previous post, in our family, it was usually my father who'd be saying..."wait till your Mother gets home!"

She was the disciplinarian. My father only had to express himself visually and we knew how far over the line we'd stepped.

It took a lot to get him really riled; I only recall him raising his voice once and getting angry- that was scary!

But Mum, when she was angry, you'd to watch out, and there was nowhere to hide either! But she was fair too, and she was always controlled too; it was never OTT.

That was same in my house still remember mum taking a hairbrush to my bum whereas Dad just had to look

A hairbrush to your arse? Were you very hairy as a child?"

Pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That was same in my house still remember mum taking a hairbrush to my bum whereas Dad just had to look

eh? look at yer bum?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That was same in my house still remember mum taking a hairbrush to my bum whereas Dad just had to look

eh? look at yer bum?

Oh Ok i admit it reads funny but i knew what i meant and thats all that matters

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By *urreyfun2008Man
over a year ago

East Grinstead

Only spend a few weeks of each year with my six year old (long way to US) but did found:

When out at shops etc, withdrawal of a treat used to work really well, e.g. she'd know we'd often go to coffee shop but if she'd been naughty she got nothing.

She would get a single smack for being willfully naughty, oddly by the time she was five she knew from a look and would know she was wrong.

Naughty step, or off to the room, i.e. bed early often worked.

She went through the drawing on walls phase, and got all her pens thrown in the bin. Oddly now she also looks after her pens better too.

Are kids worse now, than previously? Not so sure, we got up to a fair bit, and here stories from my father. Difference now is that what happens in the rough areas is more visible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the answer lies in discipline. discipline starts with the parents. these days parents are scared to discipline.

their either to soft or to hard cuz alot of them are clueless. its a sad state of affairs and society has suffered through it

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By *urreyfun2008Man
over a year ago

East Grinstead

Should add the US school daughter is at, sends home a weekly note with good/bad behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only spend a few weeks of each year with my six year old (long way to US) but did found:

When out at shops etc, withdrawal of a treat used to work really well, e.g. she'd know we'd often go to coffee shop but if she'd been naughty she got nothing.

She would get a single smack for being willfully naughty, oddly by the time she was five she knew from a look and would know she was wrong.

Naughty step, or off to the room, i.e. bed early often worked.

She went through the drawing on walls phase, and got all her pens thrown in the bin. Oddly now she also looks after her pens better too.

Are kids worse now, than previously? Not so sure, we got up to a fair bit, and here stories from my father. Difference now is that what happens in the rough areas is more visible."

my eldest boy was about 4 when he decided to draw from 1 end hall to the other on wall , never did it again when i made him wash every bit off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the answer lies in discipline. discipline starts with the parents. these days parents are scared to discipline.

their either to soft or to hard cuz alot of them are clueless. its a sad state of affairs and society has suffered through it"

as a new parent i agree,, id be terrified to smack my lil girl. she just laughs at me when i say 'no'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the answer lies in discipline. discipline starts with the parents. these days parents are scared to discipline.

their either to soft or to hard cuz alot of them are clueless. its a sad state of affairs and society has suffered through it

as a new parent i agree,, id be terrified to smack my lil girl. she just laughs at me when i say 'no'

Terrified of what??

Even the goverment has sofended their stance on the smacking issue

A short sharp shock and its over and done with

Violence towards a child is completley different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the answer lies in discipline. discipline starts with the parents. these days parents are scared to discipline.

their either to soft or to hard cuz alot of them are clueless. its a sad state of affairs and society has suffered through it

as a new parent i agree,, id be terrified to smack my lil girl. she just laughs at me when i say 'no'

Terrified of what??

Even the goverment has sofended their stance on the smacking issue

A short sharp shock and its over and done with

Violence towards a child is completley different "

see i thought it wasnt allowed to smack anymore?? i just tend to take her by the hand, crouch down to eye level and say very sturdily 'no'

if she does it again she goes into her room (she HATES that) even though its full of toys

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"the answer lies in discipline. discipline starts with the parents. these days parents are scared to discipline.

their either to soft or to hard cuz alot of them are clueless. its a sad state of affairs and society has suffered through it

as a new parent i agree,, id be terrified to smack my lil girl. she just laughs at me when i say 'no'

Terrified?????

In my upbringing, if I'd laughed at my parents when either of them had said "No" to me, I'd not have been sitting down for an hour or so!!

Measured smacking or similar meted out to a child does no harm at all, and reminds a child what is acceptable and what isn't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not a direct correlation, but you've only got to look at the way animals discipline their young.

Apes give their young a smack, and most others give theirs a sharp nip.

It is perfectly natural to correct our offspring

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with what everyone has said about a lack of discipline in school and from parents however I read the news story mentioned with the boy having to eat 'sorry' on rice paper and it wasn't a punishment. The school didn't do it to punish him for something - he'd done nothing wrong. It was part of a religious event where all the children had to do it to repent for their sins - it was the religious indoctination and the fact that the boy was then terrified of the devil and confused over what he had to say sorry for that the mother objected to and that's why she withdrew him from the school.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

but back 'in the day' did you have the likes of social services being so on the ball, or the likes of NSPCC?

obviously id never beat up my princess but an action or smack has to be mis-interperated by one member of the public and all hell gets broken loose. I cringe when i see parents smacking children and think there must be alternative methods.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nail them to the floor and feed them benylin.........oooops.....did i say that out loud???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"nail them to the floor and feed them benylin.........oooops.....did i say that out loud???

You did lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but back 'in the day' did you have the likes of social services being so on the ball, or the likes of NSPCC?

I have smacked in public.. and would if need to do so again. Its not needed in my house.. HOWEVER, I due to the having a social worker involved because I have a disabled child, had my children told that Mummy can not do.. and she listed a whole load of things..

it affected my authority for some time.. I am just about getting it back...

Social services need to back out and learn that old ways need bringing back... bring back the cane.. the standing with your nose up against a wall for a period of time. Bring back the authority.. Kids have the power now..and dont they just know it.

I am only 35.. but I was brought up to respect my elders... My kids are brought up the same.. but its damned hard when their friends parents think its okay for kids to swear at other parents.. manners are lacking..and I certainly do not live in a deprived area.

There are alternatives to smacking.. but most are not as effective. I was smacked and it certainly never did me harm.. it wasnt often.. and it was usually my mother. Although once got the belt from my dad because I had done something really bad.. but I never ever did it again.

Smacking is not child abuse..and actually STILL isnt illegal. I have a great social worker now.. who pointed out that reasonable force is allowed.. and by that its nothing that leaves a bruise.

Give parents and teachers back their positions of authority and watch this country turn its youth problem around.

its all well and good to blame the parents.. but they are guilty of trying to follow supernanny way of thinking..

I know when I was teaching in nursery.. we could not even shout at a child or tell them they were naughty as it may damage them... what tosh.

Cali x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"but back 'in the day' did you have the likes of social services being so on the ball, or the likes of NSPCC?

I was from a large family and our parents didn't smack us. We got stopped from going out with friends or sent to our room ( there were no luxuries in the room )

We brought our children up the same way, only the sent to the room was replaced with the naughty step and they turned out well adjusted adults.

Discipline can be done without any smacking, so I would say persevere Cuteandsassy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

Totally agree.

we mambypamby kids these days .

The balance of power has shifted, hence all the problems we now have with deliquent kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem with this is I think some parents if using smacking use it as only deterent..

I havent smacked any of mine in the last year, possibly two... but they know its a possibility.

My sons being playing up at school for various reasons.. he reply.. "they cant do anything about it"

He for his bad behavior is being sent by local authority on outings for free most of the summer holidays.. He got sent home for a half day most days too.. so he didnt get to stressed...

So I made sure when he was home he had work and sat in a room with no luxuries.. and what did I get told by the social worker..

He has done his punishment and its unfair for me to punish him futher.. I ignored her.. and he before the holidays had pulled his behavior around.

We need to stop rewarding bad behavior...

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

" Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

Yes, exactly what used to happen to us. Now you see parents defending what their children did and complaining about their little " cherubs" being upset.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

)

Yes, exactly what used to happen to us. Now you see parents defending what their children did and complaining about their little " cherubs" being upset.

They are only little darlings etc to the parents who cant see their kids are in fact little demons intent of causing mayhem as soon as mums back is turned

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"but back 'in the day' did you have the likes of social services being so on the ball, or the likes of NSPCC?

Mmmm. I'm not advocating "beating up" children. There has to be a balance and extreme smacking becomes violence and must be stopped.

But, if I'm outside and witness a parent smacking their child once or twice for any misdemeanor, then my _iew is "Good for you!"

A child has to know their limits; they have to be aware of how far they can push their parents. If they exceed that, they have to know what can follow.

I was smacked when I was naughty as a child; so was my brother. On occasions too, I'd six of the best on my bare backside for really serious matters, but the one thing I learnt from it was that I'd done wrong and I paid the painful price. Afterwards, there was always time to make up, and say sorry.

That was what my parents were subjected to when they were kids.

What they had and I in turn, was a fair and true upbringing, by instilling respect and courtesy towards others. I also learnt right from wrong, which many kids these days seem to know very little about.

I'm sorry, but all these modern day "fancy, arty-farty, mustn't smack the children" ideas are sheer poppycock. They are a waste of time.

Kids need discipline! Simple! Confining them to their room etc etc, does not instil discipline! Naughty step? Who the hell thought that one up?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

PS the child that the OP was talking about wasn't being punished for something he had done, it was a lesson from an Evangelical church who was visiting the school.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

growing up I was beaten black and blue by my parents...but...quite frankly..i went out of my way to drive them insane...i was most certainly a very difficult child (and that is putting it incredibly mildly) and I think I deserved everything that I got. It didn't stop until my mother broke a chair over me and I jut laughed at her. Oddly enough it was after this that I started to sort myself out.

I don't think was scarred by my childhood, or that i am in some way maladjusted. however, I would not beat a child and during my time workiing with delinquents I found far more effective ways of dealing with them and their violence.

Kids today have too many freedoms and rights. some, and by no means all, focus on these and choose to ignore their responsinlities to themselves, to others and to property. It pains me to think that one day this country will be governed by some of todays kids and that others will hold positions of power.

I can go on and on putting my point of _iews forward, but my life is too short for me to be too serious for too long....so am going for a lie down now

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

They are only little darlings etc to the parents who cant see their kids are in fact little demons intent of causing mayhem as soon as mums back is turned

Yup !

That reminds me of the time my then next door neighbours kid came out of her house, walked over to the grass verge that had new plants in, pulled one of the small bushes out and walked off...the woman who's house it was next to, told the mother what her child had just done, a row erupted as she said her child wouldn't dream of doing that!

Some people just don't believe their children can get up to anything.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"growing up I was beaten black and blue by my parents...but...quite frankly..i went out of my way to drive them insane...i was most certainly a very difficult child (and that is putting it incredibly mildly) and I think I deserved everything that I got. It didn't stop until my mother broke a chair over me and I jut laughed at her. Oddly enough it was after this that I started to sort myself out.

Before you go off for your lie down....

Do you think you being beaten black and blue was the reason you rebelled?

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

" Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

)

Yes, exactly what used to happen to us. Now you see parents defending what their children did and complaining about their little " cherubs" being upset.

They are only little darlings etc to the parents who cant see their kids are in fact little demons intent of causing mayhem as soon as mums back is turned

Wasn't there a programme on TV recently when cameras recorded what kids got up to during school, and then replayed it back to the parents to see what their little "cherubs" actually got up to??

Parents were appalled to see their seemingly innocent offspring's actual behaviour!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

naturally im hoping my little one will grow up to be polite/respectful etc etc but i wont know until she is older and developed a little more.

she is my first child and its all a learning curve for me and her.. guess i will have to cross that bridge when the time comes. Children don't come with user guides, i can only learn from how i was dealt with as a child and from other peoples parenting tips & advice. I think every child is very much an individual and what works for one, wont work for another.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Kids need discipline! Simple! Confining them to their room etc etc, does not instil discipline! Naughty step? Who the hell thought that one up?

It worked for us.And it worked for my children when they young.

Discipline doesn't have to include smacking/ beating.

Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to smack their child that is up to them, but I know it doesn't always have to be that way.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

PS, my friends used to get a smack and then they were allowed out. I used to get kept in for the night and I hated it, I wanted to be smacked and let back out.

It made more of an impact on me to being kept away from what I wanted to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PS, my friends used to get a smack and then they were allowed out. I used to get kept in for the night and I hated it, I wanted to be smacked and let back out.

It made more of an impact on me to being kept away from what I wanted to do."

If I got smacked.. I was smacked.. and then sent to my room... It was normally for anything from one night to one month... I only got the month once.

That was confined to my room... only allowed to come down for toilet or food. No one was allowed to come talk to me. not even my little sister.. I hated it.

I think there is a big difference from a smack to a beating.. I was never beaten.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids need discipline! Simple! Confining them to their room etc etc, does not instil discipline! Naughty step? Who the hell thought that one up?

surely there must be stages of punishment? i wouldnt smack a child just because she messed up my pile of ironing (yes it might have been a lil bit frustrating for me) but a firm word, or sending her to her room might be more suitable.. if she decided to attack another child then perhaps id consider smacking her then. If everything she did 'wrong' was then followed up by a smack she would have no concept of how serious something was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At the risk of getting inundated with messages - I blame parents of these kids mainly. I was taught respect and how to behave by my parents. They taught me what was an acceptable way to behave and what they expected of me. I was always aware that what I did would reflect on them so tried to make them proud. Doesn't mean that I was perfect - I didn't get caught doing half the stuff I did ( mischief as opposed to the stuff kids get up to now) when I hear parents now referring to their child as 'pal' or 'mate' - makes me cringe. A parent is there to provide clear guidelines and leadership for the child and lay out clear expectations that way the child knows what's acceptable. Too many just sit their kid in front of xbox/ playststion/DVD instead of doing stuff with the kids and monitoring what they are playing or watching.

Now fucking and waiting for the abuse to start - hehehe "

Round of applause from me on this one. Children are almost five when they go to school. Manners are taught from the moment you give a baby something and encourage them to say ta. They don't have a great understanding as toddlers at nursery but it filters in eventually and most will queue nicely for juice and biscuits and learn to share toys when given simple instruction. It prepares them for institutionalised life - which school is. Most five year olds will know they can't lark about at school. They can have a low attention span when its all new but as for temper tantrums and parents blaming the school they should be more supportive and interested in what teachers are trying to achieve, as we were and our parents were. Theres a lost generation of manners and simple social graces in these last 2 decades.

As for rewarding children for doing things like going to bed on time or getting in the bath - its a downward spiral. Rewards or earned pocket money, in my opinion, are for additional chores that help mum and dad and the family as a whole.

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By *eighleedsMan
over a year ago

leeds

"You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.

A manc quoting Four Yorkshireman, must be a first

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think there is a big difference from a smack to a beating.. I was never beaten.

Cali "

I agree.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

One point to consider.

Years ago, there was an American who published a series of books about child upbringing; maybe people will recall Dr Spock (nothing to do with Star Trek!

)

The crux of the matter is in later years, shortly before he died, he admitted he got it all wrong and that's why the generations that grew up around his books are now in the mess they're in now, behaviourally speaking!

Sometimes, even the experts get it wrong!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Kids need discipline! Simple! Confining them to their room etc etc, does not instil discipline! Naughty step? Who the hell thought that one up?

You see thats where I struggle to understand, if a child attacks another they would then be smacked and told it is wrong? But you would have just done exactly the same thing as you are telling her off for?

( not you personally, talking hyperwotsitly)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids need discipline! Simple! Confining them to their room etc etc, does not instil discipline! Naughty step? Who the hell thought that one up?

( not you personally, talking hyperwotsitly)"

yeah completely get your point, even i was thinking that after i typed it.. bad example to use lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Lots of people do it Cute...it is just something I don't understand.

I think this parent lark is a minefield and there isn't any manual for it....but I do think discipline should start at home, and for us personally, that didn't include and smacking.

What others do is up to them, and as long as it isn't beating their kids, then I think SS should mind their own business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids need discipline! Simple! Confining them to their room etc etc, does not instil discipline! Naughty step? Who the hell thought that one up?

We got smacked as a last resort and it was a sharp lesson. Smacked children didn't smack other children because they knew it would hurt and humiliate them. If we smacked other children we got a smack from teacher then one from mum. Not beatings chastising smacks.

I am yet to think of a method that warns crawling babies and toddlers not to touch hot things like radiators or not to climb on wobbly things than a sharp tap on the back of the hand with a scowling face. The child hates the scowl more than the smack. Its faster more efficient than hundreds of 'no darlings' and dragging them away by the pulled arm out of its socket, when the child drops to the floor in a tantrum. It gets to the stage where you just have to raise a finger with a scowl then all thats needed is 'the look' if they step out of line. By the time 'the look' instills a feeling of displeasure at their actions, they will have forgotten all about the tiny smacks when training not to touch or climb on dangerous things. So you don't have to smack older children as long as they have learned the basics from you - not anyone else. You should decide as parents who will be the authoratitive figure and the other parent should be there to back you up but be a welcoming pair of arms for the chastised child so it does not feel isolated completely. A chastised child is a secure child in most normal upbringing. These are my opinions and they worked. I have fostered countless children and have three of my own and three adopted.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Kids need discipline! Simple! Confining them to their room etc etc, does not instil discipline! Naughty step? Who the hell thought that one up?

It worked for us.And it worked for my children when they young.

Discipline doesn't have to include smacking/ beating.

Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to smack their child that is up to them, but I know it doesn't always have to be that way."

By "discipline", I don't mean smacking for everything done wrongly.

Discipline can be administered in varying ways, from a simple word, to a phrase; smacking is the last resort after all other possibilities have been used and have failed.

It's all about setting boundaries and how far children can push them. They need to know where they stand and the consequences if they step beyond those boundaries.

That comes from when the child is a toddler; those "rules" learnt at an early stage rollover to later years and influence their growing up.

Sadly, these ground rules seem to be lacking these days....or am I just becoming a grumpy old git??

As for getting smacked on occasions during my growing up, it never did me any harm at all. (I'm now a pervy, randy git, looking on here every day

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of people do it Cute...it is just something I don't understand.

I think this parent lark is a minefield and there isn't any manual for it....but I do think discipline should start at home, and for us personally, that didn't include and smacking.

What others do is up to them, and as long as it isn't beating their kids, then I think SS should mind their own business."

i know its 'soapland' but still think of the story line when Dev and Sunita had there child taken off them because of injuries there lil lad had sustained after Dev had pulled his son out of the road from being hit by a car and in shock afterwards put his hands firmly on the lads shoulders and shook him a bit

The lad ended up in hospital after blacking out, SS got involved and because of the bruising caused to him by Dev saving his life he was put into temp care..

I know it not real, but does make ya think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/07/11 11:55:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

discipline isnt just a physical act. i`d like to think if a child attacked another child he`d be getting disciplined/punished/whatever you wanna label it in more ways than one. smack n a gd telling off isnt gonna scar you for life, but it may give you a better one as an adult.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Ladies and gentlemen, i offer you proof that smacking doesnt always end well.

Hello.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Ladies and gentlemen, i offer you proof that smacking doesnt always end well.

Hello."

OMG!

As Private Fraser would say.."We're Doooomed!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its time the adults were back in charge"

I never lost control! I made it quite clear to my kids that I wasn't holding them hostage and if there were any of my rules they didn't like they were free to leave at any time!

Don't understand parents letting their children dictate to them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before you go off for your lie down....

Do you think you being beaten black and blue was the reason you rebelled?

nah...was just the consequence. I rebelled because I could nnot stand being compred to my older brother who was the apple of my mother' eye....once i realised my IQ outshone his it became insulting and a little tedious to keep hearing "why can't you be more like...." ... so I just went out of my way to misbehave, get thrown out of all my O levels and be disruptive all the time etc etc.

They just did not know how to cope with me and I think the beatings became their last resort, then a way for them to vent their own anger and frustration. It stopped when they finally realised I really wasn't bothered by it.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

there is also the dilemma that to smack a child, which i approve of, the short sharp shock effect, you would have to take yer hand off the keyboard

which makes it especially difficly for some men

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By *kexplorersCouple
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

"I agree with what everyone has said about a lack of discipline in school and from parents however I read the news story mentioned with the boy having to eat 'sorry' on rice paper and it wasn't a punishment. The school didn't do it to punish him for something - he'd done nothing wrong. It was part of a religious event where all the children had to do it to repent for their sins - it was the religious indoctination and the fact that the boy was then terrified of the devil and confused over what he had to say sorry for that the mother objected to and that's why she withdrew him from the school."

Firstly thank you for pointing out what that actual article was about. This is clearly an abuse of education within this particular school and the mother was right to pull her son out.

I myself (Mr) being a catholic (no longer practising) was frightened for many years that even if I had a bad thought about someone badly, I would be going to hell!

Schools are meant to educate our children so they can make an informative decision when they are older whether to continue down a certain path.

(Yes we also agree with everyone else regarding decipline, but that is for another topic.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never smacked my children but did find alternative methods of punishment. My kids hate being ignored and I still use that method today. Well I don't actually ignore them but if they've upset me I speak very brusquely to them and answer in one word syllables and they hate it and will give in and apologise.

I agree that there is no discipline in schools and this is taught first and foremost in the home. If parents show no interest in education and don't encourage learning, then the kids don't grow up with those values and they will skive off and have no respect for teachers. Same as other professionals, if parents do not respect authority and have negative attitudes against Police etc, kids will share those _iews.

A child is born a blank canvas, parents are first and foremost painting the background on that. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and do inappropriate things, but my boys have grown up respectful of others, never being in trouble with the police and never getting into serious trouble at school, obviously they've had their moments, so on the whole I've done ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many judges on kids behaviour and so many parents dont have a clue , see it daily , kids asking for stuff parent says no kid throws a paddy parent gives in . What are they teaching them by doing that ?

Kid gets in trouble at school parent goes crazy at the school , teaching the child its ok to be bad i will still back u up .

Kid gets in bother from Police , parents call the police liars and pigs , heard a kid say yesterday when the police came in our street that he could smell bacon, now where is the respect for people as human beings never mind for the law ?

Get a grip of kids when they are young and u dont have these issues anywhere.

I myself am a mother of five before anyone asks what right i have to say these things.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

( not you personally, talking hyperwotsitly)"

excellent, another one for the "disclaimer" list

it's not copyrighted is it, mind if i borrow?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

( not you personally, talking hyperwotsitly)

excellent, another one for the "disclaimer" list

it's not copyrighted is it, mind if i borrow?"

i did chuckle at 'hyperwotsitly'.. where s the thread on made up words??

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By *eighleedsMan
over a year ago

leeds

[Removed by poster at 26/07/11 12:36:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

Well said Laine bring back the cane teachers have no respect from kids these days!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

( not you personally, talking hyperwotsitly)

excellent, another one for the "disclaimer" list

it's not copyrighted is it, mind if i borrow?"

Don't mock the afflicted !! it is one of my over 50's words when I forget what the real word is !

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I had to stand in the middle of the school playing field knee high in snow for a wholde double period (an hour) lost count of how many slippers i had. Worst though was having to stand on a chair in the middle of the class and sing a nursery ryme. Kids need to toughen up

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Best punishmet for my son was taking the plug of his television in his room

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And i was made to sit in corner with a D hat on ,,,,,, and play time have them all make fun because i could not spell .... it do say with you ...untill i come on sites like this i would never right nothing not even a post card from holiday or letters to kids schools i would get others too .... as so sceard people would see i could not spell ....... now i just do my best and hope its fine . x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And i was made to sit in corner with a D hat on ,,,,,, and play time have them all make fun because i could not spell .... it do say with you ...untill i come on sites like this i would never right nothing not even a post card from holiday or letters to kids schools i would get others too .... as so sceard people would see i could not spell ....... now i just do my best and hope its fine . x"

Come to the conclusion very quickly that you're ace!!

On the general point of disciine etc. - I told the kids from a very early age life is like a bank account you can't take something out without putting something in. So when they said - I need a lift to wherever I asked what have you done to help me or your mum? Very quickly o wasn't washing dishes or drying or picking up in untidy rooms - but they did know that tantrums would end badly on one occasion I said I would remove the tv from my sons room - he said but I paid for tbe tv with my own money - I said that's true I can't take what's yours - however tbe electricity is mine...... After a quick oh god!! I don't believe you - he laughed cos he knew he wasn't going to win. I think I had somE luck along the way that they were never really bad kids - could that be because they knew I was watching?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many judges on kids behaviour and so many parents dont have a clue , see it daily , kids asking for stuff parent says no kid throws a paddy parent gives in . What are they teaching them by doing that ?

Kid gets in trouble at school parent goes crazy at the school , teaching the child its ok to be bad i will still back u up .

Get a grip of kids when they are young and u dont have these issues anywhere.

I myself am a mother of five before anyone asks what right i have to say these things."

As a mother of 4 and a grandmother of 10 I couldn't agree with you more. But, in the defence of parents so many people do not have family members and friends to turn too who can give them advice in child rearing (only Jo Frost on the telly). It seems strange to me that in the whole of a child's education there seems to be no lessons in basic parent craft which is probably the most important job they will ever do!!!!

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

Eating a bit of rice paper dont seem too bad ,I remember i got a tattoo a 14 and the school to set an example gave me 3 of the cane every morning for a week,i had to report to the headmaster at 8.30 for em across my hand.

My parents just called me a prat and rolled their eyes, which to be honest was worse than the cane,as i had a lot of respect for them both.

i didnt drop out of rebel stage until about 21 but the school taught me, that if you bump up against the boundaries the penalities can and often do hurt.

Do i look back on my school life with horror,nope just realisation that like most other kids of my age ...i was a prat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My old French teacher once tried to slipper me for forgetting my text books. I refused to bend over and he tried to force me over at which point I told him straight that my body was mine and he wasn't going to touch me ever again. He never spoke to me from that point on. The stupid wanker died a few years later when he picked a fight with someone much bigger than he was. I felt no pity for him then, and don't now either. It's safe to say I hated school, every single stinking second of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As soon as corporal punishment was abolished, you got a generation of children who dont respect the elders/authority

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"As soon as corporal punishment was abolished, you got a generation of children who dont respect the elders/authority"

it was the threat rather than the reality i think ,like early into the last century the threat of a birching was a bigger threat than borstal or jail

it is said if you had it you never went back for a second helping.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"As soon as corporal punishment was abolished, you got a generation of children who dont respect the elders/authority"

its not only since the end of corporal punishment, the lack of effective role models in families has also contributed and other factors...

and in no way do i mean all single parent families are bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As soon as corporal punishment was abolished, you got a generation of children who dont respect the elders/authority"

I disagree wit hthat strongly. I feel that nothing is achieved by beating a child for wrong doings. I have never smacked any of my children as it simply puts a fear into them of me, and I won't have my kids thinking of Daddy as the one who hits them. Teachers are there to teach, not punish, and if a teacher cannot control his/her class with their air of authority he or she needs then that person is in the wrong job. Kids learn much better when things are explained to them in ways they understand and the birch simply tells a child 'this is what you get if you fuck up'. What kind of message is that sending out?

As adults we can determine who touches our bodies and who cannot. A child deserves that same basic human right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As soon as corporal punishment was abolished, you got a generation of children who dont respect the elders/authority"

What? all of them?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Teachers are there to teach, not punish, and if a teacher cannot control his/her class with their air of authority he or she needs then that person is in the wrong job. "

1... Have you seen some of these kids

2... They have no experience of authority, well except when Sky cut off the TV for non payment.. they may see that as someone being firm. As mum and dad may be too busy on Facebook to explain right from wrong...

3.... Teachers on the whole have my complete respect and are on a hiding to nothing at times.

Much like the fab forum at times... can't do right for doing wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was 4 or 5 I called my dad a bugger while we had company, I didn't even know what it meant.

However I do remember the side of my head exploding when he clouted me.

I was too shocked even to cry, I do know that from then on he only told me to do something once or else.

However, I loved and respected him to his dying day and would never have a bad word said against him.

Pain and shock are terrific teachers!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

couldnt agree more. way to soft on kids these days and it shows.

"
I AGREE!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Teachers are there to teach, not punish, and if a teacher cannot control his/her class with their air of authority he or she needs then that person is in the wrong job.

1... Have you seen some of these kids

3.... Teachers on the whole have my complete respect and are on a hiding to nothing at times.

Much like the fab forum at times... can't do right for doing wrong

I can only relate my own experiences with my own children and whenever I have said they mustn't do something and haven't told them why, they've ended up feeling confused as to why shouldn't they do whatever it was they were doing. When I sit them down and explain why they can't do something in a way that gets through to them, the results have been much much better.

If I can do that with my kids, then teachers can do it with every child, and it's a kop out to blame the removal of corporal punishment as to why kids seem so oafish these days. The blame lays squarely with their parents, and with teachers who want a perfect job with high salaries for doing a lot less.

One of the easiest things in the world is gaining a child's respect. It's also one of the easiest things to lose.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

teachers are there to teach,they shouldn't need an air of authority.

children should be taught respect,at home,by their parents.

with some people it's always someone else's fault.it could never be their little angels.

in some homes,it's thugs,bringing up thugs.

the parents have no respect for authority,the children even less.

in many cases the parents are to blame.so in fairness,punish the children,but be even harder on the parents.

maybe then,the little angel syndrome,wouldn't be quite so appealing.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Teachers are there to teach, not punish, and if a teacher cannot control his/her class with their air of authority he or she needs then that person is in the wrong job.

1... Have you seen some of these kids

3.... Teachers on the whole have my complete respect and are on a hiding to nothing at times.

Much like the fab forum at times... can't do right for doing wrong

One of the easiest things in the world is gaining a child's respect. It's also one of the easiest things to lose."

I am not in favour of corporal punishment in any way shape or form..

yup the blame is with the parents. No one else, but the parents, the parents and the parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".... im sure there will be times when raising my voice will no longer be enough.. dreading the 'terrible two's' "

You'll be ready when that time comes... There is a huge difference between "smacking a child" (bullying) and giving a child a (necessary) smack...;-);-)

Over 50 and in total sync with all of the above... And I aint turned out (too) bad...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeez!!..I thought those tactics of control were far behind us...instilling a false sense of shame and fear into an impressionable child ..sucks!!

It isn`t education but a twisted attempt at control.....nothing to do with having a balance of authority and discussing boundaries...healthy stuff..

I`d have had some strong words with the headmaster fer allowing that shit to happen...archaic toxic shit...and a lack of true authority..

I`d totally agree that discipline and respect begin at home...thru example and healthy role models...sadly kids are being raised by kids who didn`t have the luxury that I enjoyed..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok i agree to a certain extent you can blame the parents for everything but as a teenager i had my own mind and my friends were a strong influence on me too

luckily i was a good child but all it takes is for one child to become buddies with some more troublesome children and then there attitudes etc will be effected.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"ok i agree to a certain extent you can blame the parents for everything but as a teenager i had my own mind and my friends were a strong influence on me too

luckily i was a good child but all it takes is for one child to become buddies with some more troublesome children and then there attitudes etc will be effected."

by the time you are a teenager your parents will have influenced you massively into the person that you are.

you were trong because they instilled that into you. you wouldnt have broken the rules because your parents taught you to respect them.

Parents are the ONLY people that can raise their childrent he way they want them raised. yes teachers are in loco parensis while the children are in their care but they should never replace that childs parents in the teaching of basic social ettiquette of which respct is part of that.

unfortunately todays society and economic climate dictate that both parent often need to be working to provide for their families and so when they are with their children they want to be fun, loving parents and not have to discipline them all the time however, all that is doing is telling the children they can dick around as much as tey want because their parents will still buy them the games console they want, will still let them go out with their mates etc because they are riddled with guilt for not being involved in their lives as much as their parents were

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being human is wonderfully confusing and irrational isn`t it..

I know parents who raised two good kids but had a bad apple as well...same methodology of parenting etc...the black sheep was the erm black sheep...

Not all the blame fer bad kids can be put at the parents door tis true..the best efforts of the parents fail...confusing as being a parent doesn`t come with a rule book or a fail safe manual..

I`ve always adhered that three things form a human ...

Genetics..enviroment and upbringing ...a complex mix...

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By *ornyHorwichCpl aka HHCCouple
over a year ago

horwich

I (Scarlett) don't have kids so can only comment on my own upbringing.

I was taught discipline as a very small child, as a result was very rarely smacked, respected my parents and was petrified of the police.

From my own observation we have kids who had no discipline bring up their kids with no discipline. The rules of life are not passed on and so the wheel turns.

And whilst Supernanny may have her critics she does a bloody good job. You may not like her methods but she does get results and yes, parents and lack of structure seem to be the root of the problem.

I do look round and worry for the future based on some kids behaviour and ideaologies on life which are way off.

In the same breath I have met some wonderful kids and my faith is restored somewhat

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

" Rice paper is too easily digested.

I'd have made him write it on the blackboard and eat that, may have stuck in his throat and his mind for a bit longer.

Seriously, I think a return to old fashioned values may be just what some kids need.

+1 xx"

+3 xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....You'll be ready when that time comes... There is a huge difference between "smacking a child" (bullying) and giving a child a (necessary) smack...;-);-)"

No, there isn't. If you need to smack a child you've already lost. We watch SuperNan(ny) not sure of the name, but in it she teaches parents with horrendous children what THEY are doing wrong. The kids have no idea what is wrong and what is right, they do not comprehend consequence, nor do they understand that the flippance of a word spoken and it's impact on the parent hearing it.

We are all equipped with the ability to reproduce, unfortunately some are not equipped with the intelligence to do it properly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And whilst Supernanny may have her critics she does a bloody good job. You may not like her methods but she does get results and yes, parents and lack of structure seem to be the root of the problem."

+200!!!!

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"....You'll be ready when that time comes... There is a huge difference between "smacking a child" (bullying) and giving a child a (necessary) smack...;-);-)

We are all equipped with the ability to reproduce, unfortunately some are not equipped with the intelligence to do it properly."

come back and tell us that in 20 years.

when you've had some real parenting experience.

it's easy telling everybody else,how it should be done.

not so easy when you actually have to do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd have made him write 'sorry' on an old fashioned paving slab - then eat it.

Rice paper ! Kids don't know they're born these days.

Now when I were a lad ........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....come back and tell us that in 20 years.

when you've had some real parenting experience.

it's easy telling everybody else,how it should be done.

not so easy when you actually have to do it."

So sorry, didn't realise there was a qualifying period.

I have a 13y/o daughter, product of a broken marriage, constantly at war with her mother (so was I, which was why I left her). My daughter could so easily have gone off the rails but I made sure that every decision that involved me, also involved her even though i wasn't the parent with care.

She has been top of her year at school since she first started school and she's just finished her 2nd year of high school and she's still top student.

She sends me texts saying, "Daddy, I want to come and live with you." usually after she's had a spat with her mum. I phone her and say "ok, princess, your mum will fight me but let's do it. You come up here, 250 miles away from your friends and start afresh."

That gives her room to think about what she's asked for and the ramifications of it.

I allow her to think for herself.

Maybe I should have waited until she was 20 eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I`m getting more and more predisposed to the idea of getting,the headmaster to write sorry on a bit of fucking paper...with a verbal inducement...if it was my nipper..and depending on his attitude he may have felt inclined to eat it s`well..whats good fer the goose is good fer the gander..or practise what yer preach.....other homilies spring to mind..

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"....come back and tell us that in 20 years.

when you've had some real parenting experience.

it's easy telling everybody else,how it should be done.

not so easy when you actually have to do it.

So sorry, didn't realise there was a qualifying period.

She has been top of her year at school since she first started school and she's just finished her 2nd year of high school and she's still top student.

That gives her room to think about what she's asked for and the ramifications of it.

I allow her to think for herself.

Maybe I should have waited until she was 20 eh?

your like the wee guy on the terracing.

telling alex ferguson,how to run a football team.

plus it's not really a qualifying period,it's experience.

it's just i've heard all this before,from my brother in law.worked out he was talking crap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what works for one child, might not work for another. trial and error xx

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"what works for one child, might not work for another. trial and error xx"

yep,totally agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....your like the wee guy on the terracing.

telling alex ferguson,how to run a football team.

plus it's not really a qualifying period,it's experience.

it's just i've heard all this before,from my brother in law.worked out he was talking crap."

Your brother in law didn't know what he was doing, if you are to be taken at your word, but as he isn't here to give a counter argument I cannot take you seriously.

I know what works for me, I'm happy with how my kids are and I don't need you to endorse or criticise me for it. I've got two smashing kids and another on the way, and in our house they will only ever feel loved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All my mates will tell ya that i hate kids....

But the little blighters all seem to gravitate towards me and wanna love me. Yet im the toughest they know and i wont take any crap. so what does that tell ya.

Kids need guidelines and boundaries....without them they cant cope and are bound to fail. Your boundaries should also reflect society as in respect and good morals.

Parental control is common sense but it seems some parents have none

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"....your like the wee guy on the terracing.

telling alex ferguson,how to run a football team.

plus it's not really a qualifying period,it's experience.

it's just i've heard all this before,from my brother in law.worked out he was talking crap.

Your brother in law didn't know what he was doing, if you are to be taken at your word, but as he isn't here to give a counter argument I cannot take you seriously.

dont feel guilty about it wishy,i never take you seriously,but i do have a good chuckle,at some of your posts.xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All my mates will tell ya that i hate kids....

But the little blighters all seem to gravitate towards me and wanna love me. Yet im the toughest they know and i wont take any crap. so what does that tell ya.

That they know exactly where they stand with you. It lets them slot into their _iew of world that Aunty Peaches is cool so long as I don't take the piss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont hate um really but dont tell them that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most parents dont seem to follow through on their threats... parents tell the kids off the kid knows the parent isnt gonna follow through and the kid continues. Kids - especially the older ones know that smacking isnt really acceptable behaviour from adults now, so i have actually heard older kids saying if you smack me im gonna phone childline, or im gonna call the police and get you arrested.

What has happened here is the political correctness has got in the way of raising decent children. Not every child needs a smack, not every child is a monster. But when it is required, parents are afraid to issue it sometimes, because of the repercussions it may have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont hate um really but dont tell them that

I knew that, ya big ole softie!! I bet you go the extra mile at Xmas too don't you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont hate um really but dont tell them that

I knew that, ya big ole softie!! I bet you go the extra mile at Xmas too don't you?

shhhhhhh

if they think im a softy ive had it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont hate um really but dont tell them that

I knew that, ya big ole softie!! I bet you go the extra mile at Xmas too don't you?

shhhhhhh

if they think im a softy ive had it.

Can Aunty Peaches with the mahoosive bazoomas come to Wishy's house in December and deliver some Xmas Atmos?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yo ho ho

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

I think this discussion has proved that there is no "One Size Fits All" solution. For me, the story that started all this was a non story! Just some woman who wanted to get her name in lights and because she couldn't get on Big Brother now...

Of course, kids are very clever and will play one parent against the other. Kids will do anything to get to the "other mans grass" So what a parent sees from a distance is perhaps not what it is really like. I know that when my mother and father split and my dad left, we were always on our best behaviour when we did see him and also made out our lives were hell! They weren't, but it suited the purpose of three youngsters! His life seemed exotic to us and we wanted to live it. BUT... Really my mum was a fantastic lady and broke herself to save us!

There is no doubt in my mind that kids have too many rights, anyone else remember the kids "divorcing" their parents? It starts with the parents, good manners and respect should be second nature by the time they are at school and reinforced by the education system.

Yes we smacked our kids and upon reading this thread, I asked them what they thought. Both of them say that although it didn't happen often, it did make them stop and think. Neither of them resent what we did and they both are happy, well adjusted adults in good jobs with lovely kids of their own... But maybe we were just lucky!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've stopped reading this thread about halfway through, I find it a touch sickening to be honest. I was smacked by my dad. Smacked, slapped, punched. With his hand, with his belt, with footwear, on one memorable occassion with a chairleg. I wasn't a naughty child, I was a scared one. Speak to him now and he'll say everyone pf those was justified, that he was instilling discipline in me, and that I neeeded to toughen up. The truth was that he was a violent, short tempered authoritarian bully. I don't consider that I was abused though his behaviour was abusive, I know many fared much much worse than I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Violence is very wrong. But i dont know why society has raised some really nasty children. Perhaps video games that parents buy their kids for PS3 etc, movie trailers etc are partially to blame. Kids as young as 7 and 8 are getting games for their Christmas that are rated 18, and parents feel pressurised into buying them these because 'all their friends' have it. On the whole having to write something on a piece of rice paper then eat it is nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is a completely different kettle of fish from the original post I expressed an opinion on.

I now feel ashamed that I made such a comment on his 'punishment'

But that being the case, it calls into question why schools feel the need for such narrow minded religious education.

In my mind, schools should teach children along the lines of the ten commandments, i.e. how to be a good person to all others and be aware of moral values, no matter their religion or following and that should be as far as it goes.

The place for religion is in the churches/mosques etc.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

That is a completely different kettle of fish from the original post I expressed an opinion on.

I now feel ashamed that I made such a comment on his 'punishment'

But that being the case, it calls into question why schools feel the need for such narrow minded religious education.

The place for religion is in the churches/mosques etc."

i agree Laine ,like you i thought it was a wrongdoing of a serious nature,if it was purely a religeous exercise,i find for the mother,i would of done the same tbh.

But on the general principle ,i do not think its about corporal punishment ,i think its about kids witnessing boundaries being broken all around them, from an early age.

Its a fucked up world where kids are exposed to violence via xbox or whatever,hero worship the bad guy via gangsta lyrics,and the real heroes and good guys rarely get a mention.

I remember a fair time ago a national hero Robert Standford-tuck ,a national hero in the war loved by all from the royal family down to the guys and women on the street passed away,he was a battle of britain commander ,acknowledged as the pilots pilot ,won the DSO,DFC and two bars,who was eventually shot down over france,he escaped a few times ,was a leader and number 2 to Roger Bushell on the X committee on the great escape ,and after escaping made his way to russia through enemy territory and fought the ground war with the russians and suffered incredible hardship to do his bit.

So on the day this national hero died ,did he even get a mention in any paper naaaah .....what was so important a headline that kept it out the press.

Beckham had changed the colour of his hair ..

speaks volumes to me .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've stopped reading this thread about halfway through, I find it a touch sickening to be honest. I was smacked by my dad. Smacked, slapped, punched. With his hand, with his belt, with footwear, on one memorable occassion with a chairleg. I wasn't a naughty child, I was a scared one. Speak to him now and he'll say everyone pf those was justified, that he was instilling discipline in me, and that I neeeded to toughen up. The truth was that he was a violent, short tempered authoritarian bully. I don't consider that I was abused though his behaviour was abusive, I know many fared much much worse than I did.

Violence is wrong, violence against a child as a form of punishment is very, very wrong and in my opinion unnecessary. Teaching children that violence is acceptable at such a young age - how is that ok? "
I know where your coming from with this ..... i had the same and did very little it was because of drink alot of the time i was sceard now a days we would have called child line for help .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Child abuse is very different and should never be tolerated , but there has to be consquences for everything we do bad in life , ie dont pay ur rent ur out on the street , we all have laws and guidelines to follow and children should be no different , but taking a chair leg to a child is completely barbaric.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most parents dont seem to follow through on their threats... parents tell the kids off the kid knows the parent isnt gonna follow through and the kid continues. Kids - especially the older ones know that smacking isnt really acceptable behaviour from adults now, so i have actually heard older kids saying if you smack me im gonna phone childline, or im gonna call the police and get you arrested.

That is so true.. I had that off one of my older ones.. Now I to be fair never say something I am not going to do...

However, last time I smacked my son, he told me he was going to ring childline.... I gave him the phone and said be my guest.. he just looked at me and apologised..

I never smack when angry either.. if I am angry they get sent to their room for a time out and I take 10 mins to put ipod on..and chill...

Parents and teachers and the police to some degree need their authority back...

I for one parent how I see fit and will argue it if I need to later on...

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a word sadly lacking from a lot of children's vocabulary these days and that word is respect.

A child should be brought up with respect for their parents and other adults, respect for figures of authority such as police and teachers, respect for themselves and peers.

Respect is not something that is expected, you earn it, from your child as much as any other person in your life.

But how can a child respect you if you attempt to be their best friend, their mate? You are their parent, someone who's own moral compass should lead them.

All children push boundaries growing up, whether that be the toddler touching things they should not to the teenager trying to stay out all night.

You as the parent set boundaries all the time for your child, they need them. Within those boundaries you set there is security, if they had no secure boundaries and they did as they pleased they would think you as their parent don't really care enough ergo you don't really care too much for them either.

None of us are experts on child care, but it is a lifelong responsibility.

Winning respect from your child is gained by respecting them too and I'm afraid for me personally, beating and slapping is not respecting them.

Treating them firmly and fairly doesn't have to involve physical abuse on a daily basis, but setting rules and sticking to them does.

Both my sons did silly things with peers which brought the police to my door, both of them were punished by hard physical work around the house and in the garden, a roster drawn up for every free hour they had and how it would be spent toiling away or in discussions with them about expected behaviour.

Their luxuries like tv games computer time removed, not allowed out with friends, one had his rugby taken away as that was the only thing he lived for. Both times the police have said my punishment was harsh, but it meant that nothing was ever taken any further officially and no appearance before the children's panel was required.

My children may not be perfect but they know they are loved and cared for, they are in my heart always.

I am proud of them.

To hurt me or to see themselves go down in my estimation of them is the utmost punishment, they know they have my respect and if they lose one day of that it is far more painful than any beating or grounding can ever be.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"There is a word sadly lacking from a lot of children's vocabulary these days and that word is respect.