FabSwingers.com forum: Cheating spouses

By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Has anyone ever regretted shagging behind their wife or husband's back when thing's have come out in the open?

I haven't,but the way I feel at the moment I want to fall gently of a windswept cliff and this is 8 year's on. I don't want him that's not what this is about.

I just need to vent in here before I go mad. How did thing's go so terribly wrong.

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By *orny IrishMan
over a year ago

Rural Wiltshire

You ok OP,

If you want to chat pm me.

Sending great big hug.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone ever regretted shagging behind their wife or husband's back when thing's have come out in the open?

I haven't,but the way I feel at the moment I want to fall gently of a windswept cliff and this is 8 year's on. I don't want him that's not what this is about.

I just need to vent in here before I go mad. How did thing's go so terribly wrong."

We make choices in life, some good, some bad. Some are easy to reverse, some aren't so easy. Without going into specifics I can't help and I'm not sure if anyone else can. If you want to pm me then please feel free

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone ever regretted shagging behind their wife or husband's back when thing's have come out in the open?

I haven't,but the way I feel at the moment I want to fall gently of a windswept cliff and this is 8 year's on. I don't want him that's not what this is about.

I just need to vent in here before I go mad.

How did thing's go so terribly wrong."

People cheat for various different reasons and unless you talk about why it went wrong with your other half you won't be able to understand. Your looking for answers and I hope you find them but in the end you you'll come to realise there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it from happening and when you do you'll be at peace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I've never regretted cheating on my husband.

I wasn't found out either, I was the one who told him in the end because I couldn't go on being married to him anymore.

Certain things I would change but that concerns my son more than my husband.

My ex husband that is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone ever regretted shagging behind their wife or husband's back when thing's have come out in the open?

I haven't,but the way I feel at the moment I want to fall gently of a windswept cliff and this is 8 year's on. I don't want him that's not what this is about.

I just need to vent in here before I go mad. How did thing's go so terribly wrong."

PM me if you would like.. ive been there.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I don't know whether to smash some thing or cry. The consequences when people cheat can sometimes last forever if there's children involved. He cheated and now I only see one of my two children after just finding something out. He went on to re-marry and have his own biological child,which is fine,so why am I the one being made out to be the monster?!

Non of this make's sense to anyone I know,I just want a venting board but I'm worn out with it all.

I just wonder if those that cheat can look into the future and see the devastation it causes in the kid's if thing's come out would they still do it?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive got to say my husband has no idea I am on fab and would go mental if he did. Though like the lady above I think I am enjoying my self so much that it may not be long befor I feel I need to tell him

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"No, I've never regretted cheating on my husband.

I wasn't found out either, I was the one who told him in the end because I couldn't go on being married to him anymore.

Certain things I would change but that concerns my son more than my husband.

My ex husband that is."

Can you still love your wife or husband and still cheat,is that possible for people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know whether to smash some thing or cry. The consequences when people cheat can sometimes last forever if there's children involved. He cheated and now I only see one of my two children after just finding something out. He went on to re-marry and have his own biological child,which is fine,so why am I the one being made out to be the monster?!

Non of this make's sense to anyone I know,I just want a venting board but I'm worn out with it all.

I just wonder if those that cheat can look into the future and see the devastation it causes in the kid's if thing's come out would they still do it?!"

Because it sounds as though he's the type to project his guilt onto you. My ex did exactly the same. It was all my fault, when in reality he was cheating with numerous women. He doesn't see that he was at fault and blames me for changing.

Just the way some people are, can't say it's a man thing as I know some women can be the same.

I hope you feel better about things later, it's the whole not being able to control what's happening and being a good mom and wanting to protect your children that gets frustrating. X

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Ive got to say my husband has no idea I am on fab and would go mental if he did. Though like the lady above I think I am enjoying my self so much that it may not be long befor I feel I need to tell him"

My ex cheated with one person as far as I know,if I had found him on here with multiple verifications I really don't know how I would have coped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex cheated on me for 10 years ... I knew about it... currently married to wife nr 3 .... she was the last mistress he had .... hence for me it's a sore spot so I don't go near attached men ....

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

My ex cheated with one person as far as I know,if I had found him on here with multiple verifications I really don't know how I would have coped."

That happened to someone I know, took him years to get over it.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

My ex cheated with one person as far as I know,if I had found him on here with multiple verifications I really don't know how I would have coped."

If you need a chat pm me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guy who met the wife and myself regretted doing it, and left the site not long afterwards, he thought the thrill would out weigh the guilt.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

When we split I had to ask him to take our eldest adopted daughter for a while as she went into herself more than she normally did. We were all in pain,it was supposed to be temporary until thing's became stable again,but thing's worked well and she stayed.

I've just recently read a report from some councilling she had,in it she said I regularly told her and her sister that I wanted them to die,which chilled me to the bone.

All I ever wanted was a family,a husband and children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't judge people who are attached and are on here or who have affairs

Just don't shove it in my face or try and change my opinion of not wanting to get involved

As for how to get over the spouse cheating on you

It takes time

It took me a divorce and therapy to get over it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When we split I had to ask him to take our eldest adopted daughter for a while as she went into herself more than she normally did. We were all in pain,it was supposed to be temporary until thing's became stable again,but thing's worked well and she stayed.

I've just recently read a report from some councilling she had,in it she said I regularly told her and her sister that I wanted them to die,which chilled me to the bone.

All I ever wanted was a family,a husband and children. "

I know exactly what you feel.

All I wanted was to be married with a husband I loved and my kid.

I left him. It took me 4 years to leave him even though he was cheating on me.

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

Every situation is personal and different person to person, I don't think there is one answer as to why and who is at fault,

If you know you are not in the wrong and your friends/family know the same,

All you can do is hold your head up high be there for your children and carry on enjoying you life,

Don't let others influence your life especially if its all negative

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just recently read a report from some councilling she had,in it she said I regularly told her and her sister that I wanted them to die,which chilled me to the bone.

All I ever wanted was a family,a husband and children. "

heres a kiss xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, I've never regretted cheating on my husband.

I wasn't found out either, I was the one who told him in the end because I couldn't go on being married to him anymore.

Certain things I would change but that concerns my son more than my husband.

My ex husband that is.

Can you still love your wife or husband and still cheat,is that possible for people?"

In my case, no. If I loved him, I wouldn't have cheated on him. I wasn't happy a long time before I cheated and I wasn't looking to cheat. It just happened and I fell in love with someone else. It wasn't just sex either, we went on to live together for about 12 years.

My son still sees his dad and I have a good relationship with my son too. I don't speak to my ex husband much because my son is old enough to contact him himself.

Things were acrimonious at first but then after a while, they calmed down and now things are fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have cheated 3 time in 6 years, which I have told him about. The most recent was a couple months ago.

I loved it and is craving more...

He (Chucky) hated it and still hates it

I know it is bad, but it becomes a addiction, I will be good tho as it hurt him.

Reading this probaly makes me sound like a heartless slut, but I do love Chucky!...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just recently read a report from some councilling she had,in it she said I regularly told her and her sister that I wanted them to die,which chilled me to the bone.

All I ever wanted was a family,a husband and children. "

Have you spoken to your daughter about why she said that?

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"No, I've never regretted cheating on my husband.

I wasn't found out either, I was the one who told him in the end because I couldn't go on being married to him anymore.

Certain things I would change but that concerns my son more than my husband.

My ex husband that is.

Can you still love your wife or husband and still cheat,is that possible for people?

My son still sees his dad and I have a good relationship with my son too. I don't speak to my ex husband much because my son is old enough to contact him himself.

Things were acrimonious at first but then after a while, they calmed down and now things are fine.

That's what I find hard to believe when people say they still love you,but all the while are cheating. My girl's had already been through a lot with being adopted and then we threw a whole lump of crap on them,although for a few year's after we did still talk at schools events and so on for their sakes.

Now I'm waffling

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I've just recently read a report from some councilling she had,in it she said I regularly told her and her sister that I wanted them to die,which chilled me to the bone.

All I ever wanted was a family,a husband and children.

Have you spoken to your daughter about why she said that?"

I tried,she was at her dad's so texted her. At first I wasn't going to say anything,but it was festering on my mind. I told her I wasn't annoyed with her just incredibly shocked. She went on the defensive and said anything she's said to the councillor is confidential and against the Law for anything to be said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just recently read a report from some councilling she had,in it she said I regularly told her and her sister that I wanted them to die,which chilled me to the bone.

All I ever wanted was a family,a husband and children.

Have you spoken to your daughter about why she said that?

If you're on speaking terms with your ex, maybe see if he will attend mediation with you to see things can be sorted between both you and your daughter.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I've just recently read a report from some councilling she had,in it she said I regularly told her and her sister that I wanted them to die,which chilled me to the bone.

All I ever wanted was a family,a husband and children.

Have you spoken to your daughter about why she said that?

If you're on speaking terms with your ex, maybe see if he will attend mediation with you to see things can be sorted between both you and your daughter."

I'm not any more. He texted earlier accusing me of saying something to my youngest which I never said. The two girls don't get on so hurtful word's were flung around and I apparently was the cause of it,I'm not even bloody there.

I need to distance myself for a while for my own sanity and well being. My youngest has just texted actually to say she stuck up for me because they don't realise how I feel and what I try to do for people which mean's a lot to me. She's growing up now and realising how much a parent actually does.

I'm not being the nicey nicey person anymore to him,I told him my eldest alway's complains when she comes to mine about him and his wife which she does. Spiteful I know,but that shut him up.

Thankyou for listening to my moaning,I need to shower and switch off now if possible,watch some crap tv!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't regret it because I can rationalise it. That doesn't make it ok. It just means I don't feel a bit of guilt.

My wife would be devastated and that's not nice, but I'm an adult and realise my actions have reactions and consequences.

Ultimately because of the above I only meet people in a similar situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading all this I am thinking maybe I should tell my husband but where do I start

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Reading all this I am thinking maybe I should tell my husband but where do I start"

Just come out with it sweet. No point in beating about the Bush.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care. "

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does anyone know anyone on here cheating on their partners?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember the parts you enjoyed and forget the rest.

Your punishing yourself for having a little fun 8 years ago...

Stop it and have some more fun. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic."

And if you're a cheat, I can understand why you'd want to dismiss the potential impact of your actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP - I hope you feel better this morning. I've been cheated on and it makes you feel awful. You wonder what you did for it to happen, but I honestly think some people just can't be faithful. They can compartmentalise love and sex. So they can still love you, but would you call it love if there is dishonesty. I'm not sure I would. Not real love anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic."

It's not as simple as finding out your husband has had sex with someone though is it. Totally depends on the type of person you are as well. You'll have questions, you'll look inward, you'll feel betrayed, there's a million different emotions that you would feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic."

A little harsh maybe, I don't think we can judge someone's state of mind when they perceive a trauma. We just all handle things to a better or worse extent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every situation is personal and different person to person, I don't think there is one answer as to why and who is at fault,

If you know you are not in the wrong and your friends/family know the same,

All you can do is hold your head up high be there for your children and carry on enjoying you life,

Don't let others influence your life especially if its all negative "

This!

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By *heladyandthelibertineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic."

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Remember the parts you enjoyed and forget the rest.

Your punishing yourself for having a little fun 8 years ago...

Stop it and have some more fun. x"

It wasn't me that cheated.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Yeah when someone bares their soul it takes a particular kind of cruelty to have a go at them just for the sake of it. Shame on you who do so.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"OP - I hope you feel better this morning. I've been cheated on and it makes you feel awful. You wonder what you did for it to happen, but I honestly think some people just can't be faithful. They can compartmentalise love and sex. So they can still love you, but would you call it love if there is dishonesty. I'm not sure I would. Not real love anyway. "

Thankyou and I agree. It's hard to believe someone still loves you when they've just ruined the family unit. You can tell yourself it was just sex and I tried to,but when thing's fall into place afterwards you realise how stupid you was in not seeing all the signs.

This is more about the aftermath year's later down the line where there's children involved.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Reading all this I am thinking maybe I should tell my husband but where do I start"

How about not telling him and putting him through the trauma of that and stopping what you are doing!

Talk about your needs when he's away,he may like the thought of you being with other men.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care. "

That's incredibly sad to hear,I didn't want to kill myself I had two children to care for,however I could have quite happily killed him at the time!

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By *heladyandthelibertineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"Reading all this I am thinking maybe I should tell my husband but where do I start

How about not telling him and putting him through the trauma of that and stopping what you are doing!

Talk about your needs when he's away,he may like the thought of you being with other men."

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By *heladyandthelibertineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Yeah when someone bares their soul it takes a particular kind of cruelty to have a go at them just for the sake of it. Shame on you who do so. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Yeah when someone bares their soul it takes a particular kind of cruelty to have a go at them just for the sake of it. Shame on you who do so. "

People don't necessarily think in a rationale manner when in despair.

It's all relative to the individual. It's not necessarily that they wish to die, they simply don't know how to live like they are. It may seem melodramatic to an outsider but we're all different shades. I hope things have improved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Yeah when someone bares their soul it takes a particular kind of cruelty to have a go at them just for the sake of it. Shame on you who do so. "

I really appreciate the support and understanding from you and the other posters. Thank you.

There is nasty element on here that had done a lot to colour my view of fab. The men and women who condone violence against women, not just physical. The women who belittle other women in the constant competition they and some of the men create. So a post designed to be cruel doesn't have the same impact it would've done.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the support. It was a hard time. The cheating was bad enough, but the lies, the twisting, made me feel that I was mad as well as unloveable.

Sorry for hijacking op. I get the pain.

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

"I don't regret it because I can rationalise it. That doesn't make it ok. It just means I don't feel a bit of guilt.

My wife would be devastated and that's not nice, but I'm an adult and realise my actions have reactions and consequences.

Ultimately because of the above I only meet people in a similar situation

Sounds very familiar for some reason.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Yeah when someone bares their soul it takes a particular kind of cruelty to have a go at them just for the sake of it. Shame on you who do so.

I really appreciate the support and understanding from you and the other posters. Thank you.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the support. It was a hard time. The cheating was bad enough, but the lies, the twisting, made me feel that I was mad as well as unloveable.

Sorry for hijacking op. I get the pain. "

No that's ok you weren't hijacking. I think it's good to get across that there are sometimes consequences when someone cheats. Maybe lot's get away with it and it has no effect on either party,but sometimes the affects are huge.

Do these people ever regret doing it,I don't know?!

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

"No that's ok you weren't hijacking. I think it's good to get across that there are sometimes consequences when someone cheats. Maybe lot's get away with it and it has no effect on either party,but sometimes the affects are huge.

Do these people ever regret doing it,I don't know?!"

Perhaps some do. I can only answer from a personal point of view. I can compartmentalise my life and have no regrets about seeking some fun of a sort that I just don't get at home.

Some will no doubt call me selfish but we all have needs and desires.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do these people ever regret doing it,I don't know?!"

I think sometimes. Ultimately, I guess, humans act out of self interest.

No matter what you say or do, cheaters will always justify it.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Do these people ever regret doing it,I don't know?!

Perhaps some do. I can only answer from a personal point of view. I can compartmentalise my life and have no regrets about seeking some fun of a sort that I just don't get at home.

Some will no doubt call me selfish but we all have needs and desires. "

What if your wife is saying exactly the same thing on another forum? Be honest.

When I hear men say that their wife isn't interested in sex anymore,but he still has needs I can't help but think the wife hasn't gone off sex she's just gone off sex with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" When I hear men say that their wife isn't interested in sex anymore,but he still has needs I can't help but think the wife hasn't gone off sex she's just gone off sex with you. "

This is exactly what i think is the case, in the vast majority of cases.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there's another word to use other than selfish ( lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.)

If someone's not happy with the situation their in then do something mature, talking, leave or counselling. Yeah people will say it's not that easy to leave someone when you have a house a marriage or kids, but it was easy enough to cheat without thought.

And cheating normally comes with some form of secret routine, hidden texts, late nights at work, extra showers or whatever it is. That seems more effort than sitting down being honest and talking.

And I think some people who cheat where you hear the excuses of d*unkenness and it literally was a one night thing, can probably feel guilt about it and feel bad, but there's still something inside their head that didn't think logically and if drinking makes that happen don't drink. Affairs I don't think people do feel bad, cause to lead two different life's takes planning and manipulation. So most times they can justify it. And the blame falls everywhere else other than themselves as it's easier than to feel guilt or take responsibility for their partner being upset, angry and hurt. Which again is selfish.

We teach our kids that if you hurt someone say sorry and teach them the reasons why it's not ok. Yet grown adults often can't do the right thing and accept responsibility for their cheating. And often it leaves the ex with more questions and self doubt or the feeling of worthlessness. Which isn't fair.

Op it's ok to rant and feel hurt, but that's not soothing you. You can't carry that around with you after years it's not fair on you. I don't mean to sound condescending but try Cbt therapy to learn techniques etc if you haven't already. And the children hopefully as they get older will be able to understand and see more. Until then it's going to be hard. Maybe you could keep a memory box for them of letters or other things when it was happier or how you love them etc and just wait until their older.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I don't think there's another word to use other than selfish ( lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.)

And cheating normally comes with some form of secret routine, hidden texts, late nights at work, extra showers or whatever it is. That seems more effort than sitting down being honest and talking.

My ex's cheating apparently started off as a d*unken one night thing,then clearly thought they'd both continue with it. After the initial shock I laughed at him as it was with some young girl at work,it was pathetic. He didn't like being laughed at,I didn't laugh for long though.

My youngest used to blame me she was only 6 as I told daddy to leave,it's only in the last few year's she's had a better understanding of it. Daddy was a saint because I was the one doing the routine discipline stuff and he got to do the fun stuff at the weekend,not saying that we didn't have fun we did.

Everytime I had to tell her off she would throw it back in my face,when I got a boyfriend she became the clingiest child ever it was like she was putting a stamp on me,claiming me as her own making a huge point to my boyfriend. That caused conflict because I told him if that's what she feels she has to do then I'm not going to push her away. She could be at the other side of the room,but as soon as he appeared she was on my knee and wouldn't budge. I just told him to wait until their bedtime,he was a jealous so and so anyway so that didn't last long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly one parent ends up being bad cop and at that minute the child doesn't obviously see reason. The older they get they will see.

And your youngest might have been worried that she'd get less attention if you had a bf so it was her way of marking her territory so to speak, or to keep you safe from getting hurt again.

Get a bag of ice cubes and bash the shit out of it with a rolling pin to get some anger out, then use the ice for cocktails. I normal use old plates but they are a bit crunchy.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Sadly one parent ends up being bad cop and at that minute the child doesn't obviously see reason. The older they get they will see.

And your youngest might have been worried that she'd get less attention if you had a bf so it was her way of marking her territory so to speak, or to keep you safe from getting hurt again.

Get a bag of ice cubes and bash the shit out of it with a rolling pin to get some anger out, then use the ice for cocktails. I normal use old plates but they are a bit crunchy. "

That's a very good idea actually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do these people ever regret doing it,I don't know?!

Perhaps some do. I can only answer from a personal point of view. I can compartmentalise my life and have no regrets about seeking some fun of a sort that I just don't get at home.

Some will no doubt call me selfish but we all have needs and desires.

What if your wife is saying exactly the same thing on another forum? Be honest.

When I hear men say that their wife isn't interested in sex anymore,but he still has needs I can't help but think the wife hasn't gone off sex she's just gone off sex with you. "

That's possible, but the end result is the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sadly one parent ends up being bad cop and at that minute the child doesn't obviously see reason. The older they get they will see.

And your youngest might have been worried that she'd get less attention if you had a bf so it was her way of marking her territory so to speak, or to keep you safe from getting hurt again.

Get a bag of ice cubes and bash the shit out of it with a rolling pin to get some anger out, then use the ice for cocktails. I normal use old plates but they are a bit crunchy.

That's a very good idea actually

Go for a run, long run. That tends to re-boot the mind, or it does for me..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Yeah when someone bares their soul it takes a particular kind of cruelty to have a go at them just for the sake of it. Shame on you who do so.

I really appreciate the support and understanding from you and the other posters. Thank you.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the support. It was a hard time. The cheating was bad enough, but the lies, the twisting, made me feel that I was mad as well as unloveable.

Sorry for hijacking op. I get the pain. "

Thank you for sharing. Have an understanding of what you went through.

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By *utterflyandArtificeCouple
over a year ago

TROWBRIDGE

"I don't judge people who are attached and are on here or who have affairs

Just don't shove it in my face or try and change my opinion of not wanting to get involved

As for how to get over the spouse cheating on you

It takes time

It took me a divorce and therapy to get over it

Do you ever get over it, or learn to move on?

A x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't judge people who are attached and are on here or who have affairs

Just don't shove it in my face or try and change my opinion of not wanting to get involved

As for how to get over the spouse cheating on you

It takes time

It took me a divorce and therapy to get over it

Do you ever get over it, or learn to move on?

A x "

I did get over it.

So did my child. It takes time.

Took me 2 years to get over the hurt that was caused over the years. He stripped away at my confidence and self worth.

I am at a happy place in my life now. Happiest I have ever been. Single and loving life even when it throws problems. I learnt you have to be happy with yourself first before being happy with anyone else.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

sad for you op but everyone has the right to end a relationship and sometimes having someone waiting gives them the courage to leave

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"Reading all this I am thinking maybe I should tell my husband but where do I start"

Really?

Would you be completely honest with him about what you have been doing?

If so, go get tested first, and then abstain or at least use condoms until he knows.

I think if any guys has this dropped on them, then random sex with strangers would be preferable to his partner falling in love with someone else, but it would still be hard to understand.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

When I hear men say that their wife isn't interested in sex anymore,but he still has needs I can't help but think the wife hasn't gone off sex she's just gone off sex with you. "

Yup, and I think a lot of men are cowardly and run away rather than dealing with the emotional issues that arise in relationships. Because women do not compartmentalise they are more often courageous enough to face whatever needs to be faced to put the WHOLE relationship back on track.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"sad for you op but everyone has the right to end a relationship and sometimes having someone waiting gives them the courage to leave"

That wasn't the case with us. He had sex with a young colleague whilst away with work,he continued to for a few months. It then ended apparently,how true that it is I don't know. He had to confess a month after it had ended as the womans boyfriend found message's from my ex on her phone and said to him either you tell your wife or I will. That was exactly a week before xmas,shortly after New year I asked him to leave. I alway's thought we would eventually get back together,but then I met someone else and that was that.

After that she left her job and he house shared with someone until he rented somewhere. It was just sex not love.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Reading all this I am thinking maybe I should tell my husband but where do I start

Really?

Would you be completely honest with him about what you have been doing?

If so, go get tested first, and then abstain or at least use condoms until he knows.

I think if any guys has this dropped on them, then random sex with strangers would be preferable to his partner falling in love with someone else, but it would still be hard to understand."

You know that's a good point. I told my ex to go get himself tested,at least he had the decency or guilt to not have sex with me whilst he was screwing her. Stupid me thought it was just stress with his job. That would be an added smack in the chops for me knowing someone was fucking dozens of people bareback and putting me at risk,now that is bad!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who says a bloke has to leave his house just because things are not 100% with his marriage ?

I for one would not I'm happy living where I am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sad for you op but everyone has the right to end a relationship and sometimes having someone waiting gives them the courage to leave"

He cheated for five years out of our six year relationship. I found out for sure after 18 months. He didn't leave, convinced me I didn't want to leave and he would stop. He didn't. I was the one eventually to pack my stuff up after a policeman found me after being called by someone who saw me on a bridge.

He still tries to get in touch eight years later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coming at this from another angle, I am the daughter of a serial cheater.

My mum never suspected a thing until one dark day when she received a call from the husband of one of the women he was cheating with telling my mum he would break my dads legs if he did it again! I lost all respect for my dad after that and we still have a less than cordial relationship ....

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Who says a bloke has to leave his house just because things are not 100% with his marriage ?

I for one would not I'm happy living where I am

No-one does. You just do what your consciousness tells you is right. My ex felt guilty for what he did,so least had the decency to do as I asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Coming at this from another angle, I am the daughter of a serial cheater.

So you ended you're relationship with you're dad over something that was between him and you're mum?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son has stopped talking to his father. He was witness to it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Coming at this from another angle, I am the daughter of a serial cheater.

So you ended you're relationship with you're dad over something that was between him and you're mum?

Where does it say I ended it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/06/17 12:35:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember the parts you enjoyed and forget the rest.

Your punishing yourself for having a little fun 8 years ago...

Stop it and have some more fun. x

It wasn't me that cheated.I realise that and only meant stop dwelling on what has happened. We can't change the passed but we can learn from it and I find the bed way is to have fun in whatever way suits you

"
best not bed lol

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"sad for you op but everyone has the right to end a relationship and sometimes having someone waiting gives them the courage to leave

He still tries to get in touch eight years later. "

If he was a narcissist they can totally fuck with your head, you're like a frog being boiled alive who suddenly wakes up. I was longing for a way out by the time my ex left, and neither of us cheated, but it still took me years to get my head right, there are many types of betrayal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember the parts you enjoyed and forget the rest.

Your punishing yourself for having a little fun 8 years ago...

Stop it and have some more fun. x

best not bed lol"
.....

I do apologise I read your post as you cheated ... Scratch my previous comments but still don't let what other people do spoil your own enjoyment x

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Remember the parts you enjoyed and forget the rest.

Your punishing yourself for having a little fun 8 years ago...

Stop it and have some more fun. x

best not bed lol"

I'm not dwelling on it,I was referring more to the after effects year's down the line where there's children involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who says a bloke has to leave his house just because things are not 100% with his marriage ?

I for one would not I'm happy living where I am

No-one does. You just do what your consciousness tells you is right. My ex felt guilty for what he did,so least had the decency to do as I asked. "

I still would not leave my home decency does not come into it!

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Who says a bloke has to leave his house just because things are not 100% with his marriage ?

I for one would not I'm happy living where I am

No-one does. You just do what your consciousness tells you is right. My ex felt guilty for what he did,so least had the decency to do as I asked.

I still would not leave my home decency does not come into it!

Then that's fine,your life is no concern of mine that's between you and your wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who says a bloke has to leave his house just because things are not 100% with his marriage ?

I for one would not I'm happy living where I am

No-one does. You just do what your consciousness tells you is right. My ex felt guilty for what he did,so least had the decency to do as I asked.

I still would not leave my home decency does not come into it!

Then that's fine,your life is no concern of mine that's between you and your wife. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its your morrals and your conscious. A group of people who dont know you cant help as its one sided.

How would you feel, if he put all your dirty linen in here?

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Its your morrals and your conscious. A group of people who dont know you cant help as its one sided.

How would you feel, if he put all your dirty linen in here?

Have you actually read any of this?! Well for one he doesn't know all my dirty linen only the people I've met on here know that and if he did I'd be having a little chat to his present wife as to why he's on here,unless of course she is as well and I wouldn't care actually. I was a faithful wife I managed to keep my knick knacks up,but this thread isn't about that,it's about the after effects year's down the line regarding the children.

I also disagree about people not being able to help me as they have,they've listened to my nonsense and showed support in pm's and that's a great help and clearly this is one sided post he will have his own version.

Maybe you yourself have cheated?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are two comments on here that I definitely don't agree with.

The one earlier when someone opened up about a suicide attempt and got a rather blunt non understanding response. That is a life we are talking about and to feel that low to do that means someone isn't very well at all as well as other emotions. Some people can't process certain emotions so it's fight or flight mode.

And the second is the last one, if it makes someone feel better ranting or asking for advice let them do it, whether you know these people or not whether they only have one side. Especially as there's been people who have agreed and some disagreed with the op, but it's about the way people word things that hurt not so much the content. And the op hasn't given names, addresses or phone numbers so she can mention who she likes indirectly.

And saying speaking to strangers won't help, does that mean volunteers for helplines like the Samaritans or childline don't help people. It's about getting an unbiased opinion from people from different walks of life who have a different view that helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are two comments on here that I definitely don't agree with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm confused what onus have I put on you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are two comments on here that I definitely don't agree with.

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm confused what onus have I put on you? "

The way you phrased that I wasn't well and couldn't process the emotions make it appear that it was my fault, rather than the end result of the situation I was subjected to.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"There are two comments on here that I definitely don't agree with.

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic."

That is EXTREMELY cruel, cold hearted and insensitive. The person was brave enough to open up and you shoot her down and make her feel worse.

Before you have the audacity to judge someone, walk in their shoes.

You do not know how it feels or what other events and traumas the lady has going on in her life.

This could have been the final straw that tipped her over.

So may I suggest that before you give a mis-guided opinion with no conscience or any compassion, may I suggest that you think first.

It may be just a forum, but comments hurt - you would do well to remember that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm confused what onus have I put on you?

The way you phrased that I wasn't well and couldn't process the emotions make it appear that it was my fault, rather than the end result of the situation I was subjected to. "

Purely from an observers perspective, I don't believe the author intended that. In fact I read it as the exact opposite.

It's an emotive subject for all and on the whole everyone has kept this a fairly balanced thread given how hurtful some recollections are.

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I'm confused what onus have I put on you?

The way you phrased that I wasn't well and couldn't process the emotions make it appear that it was my fault, rather than the end result of the situation I was subjected to.

Purely from an observers perspective, I don't believe the author intended that. In fact I read it as the exact opposite.

It's an emotive subject for all and on the whole everyone has kept this a fairly balanced thread given how hurtful some recollections are.

I agree with you,I didn't feel she was saying you were to blame x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Totally agree LadyandLibertine - I think that the person who criticized the person who was brave enough to admit that she has issues is totally wrong and needs to take a good look at herself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

That is EXTREMELY cruel, cold hearted and insensitive. The person was brave enough to open up and you shoot her down and make her feel worse.

Before you have the audacity to judge someone, walk in their shoes.

You do not know how it feels or what other events and traumas the lady has going on in her life.

This could have been the final straw that tipped her over.

So may I suggest that before you give a mis-guided opinion with no conscience or any compassion, may I suggest that you think first.

It may be just a forum, but comments hurt - you would do well to remember that. "

I didn't need any other traumas, that was more than enough. I'm sorry that you seem to feel it wasn't.

I'm not trying to be difficult, but it feels like there's victim blaming going on, that what my ex did wasn't enough to warrant hating myself and my life enough to want to end it.

I really appreciate all your support over this, but it feels that these last few posters think I must have been broken in some other way, that being cheated on wasn't bad enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Totally agree LadyandLibertine - I think that the person who criticized the person who was brave enough to admit that she has issues is totally wrong and needs to take a good look at herself.

Again, had, not has. And they weren't my issues, they were created for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm glad two people realised I wasn't posting a negative response.

I wasn't suggesting you were unwell before or after or ten years ago. I was merely pointing out that in that moment where you tried to end your life, your head was full of hurt and upset and that's how you dealt with it.

I'm actually slightly peed off tbh, as I haven't got enough fingers to count how many times I've tried to take my life. And that is because I am not well. So I know that at that moment your head is so numb you just do it or the complete opposite and it won't stop spinning with 'what ifs' 'whys' etc.

I didn't agree with the lady who belittled it, so surely showing that I was supporting any feelings you felt, but without knowing you personally I couldn't comment on specifics.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I found out my ex had cheated, I tried to kill myself.

No, they don't realise the devastation. Or they don't care.

Personally, I think attempting to kill yourself because your husband has had sex with someone else very melodramatic.

I am normally a forum lurker, but had to come out of my shell to respond to this one- i think you are seriously out of order for writing that

statement. Who are you to belittle the devastation this lady obviously felt at that time?

Totally agree LadyandLibertine - I think that the person who criticized the person who was brave enough to admit that she has issues is totally wrong and needs to take a good look at herself.

Again, had, not has. And they weren't my issues, they were created for me

I'm not suggesting for a minute that it was YOUR fault - not for a millisecond.

I was actually supporting you. I think that the person who suggested for you to make an attempt on your life was "melodramatic" has no understanding whatsoever of how you felt and was judgementajudgemental.

I was trying to make a point that the person had no idea of what the person (not necessarily you) is going through and it is wrong to draw conclusions and judge.

I would also like to say that i was also not attempting to negate your feelings or say that the cheating was not devastating enough merely that you may have other issues that the person may not be aware of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was actually supporting you. I think that the person who suggested for you to make an attempt on your life was "melodramatic" has no understanding whatsoever of how you felt and was

Judgemental."

Me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Flamingstarr and newbie, yes, I do understand that you are being supportive and im grateful.

Please do try to see how you also negated what he did in part also though. None of my feeling suicidal was to do with me.

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't need any other traumas, that was more than enough. I'm sorry that you seem to feel it wasn't.

I'm not trying to be difficult, but it feels like there's victim blaming going on, that what my ex did wasn't enough to warrant hating myself and my life enough to want to end it. "

I will not be told I'm victim blaming as that's not what was said. And I didn't say him cheating wasn't reason enough to consider suicide.

"Suicide is the act of intentionally causing ones death"

And your quote says about it making you hate yourself and your life, which I'm assuming you didn't before you found out he cheated. Therefore for that instance whether it was a minute or a week your brain was reacting to a trauma which made your feelings already hurt even more so to the extent of wanting to end your life. So in such having lack of control of rational emotion.

And I could suggest that your reaction to when you thought it was suggested you weren't well as otherwise you wouldn't have had the thought of suicide, belittles the fact that as I have mental health issues it's warranted for me to consider suicide (as I am ill and damaged from previous issues). So therefore it's my fault.

My family and therapist can tell when I'm feeling low as what I say and how I feel about small things is irrational, that always offended me cause it's my head how can my own brain be lying to me about things, it does. When I tried to end my life, even if it was over a past relationship that I was abused in or when I was r&"/d or from being bullied at junior school, it was still my brain telling me the wrong way of dealing with it and I choose to listen as you think it's the right action from the initial situation.

All this can be explained easier by a basic psychology book or chemicals of the brain, it's not just myth there is science behind it,but I will not be told that I am victim blaming.

Context is a great thing, depending on the mind of the person.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Do these people ever regret doing it,I don't know?!

Perhaps some do. I can only answer from a personal point of view. I can compartmentalise my life and have no regrets about seeking some fun of a sort that I just don't get at home.

Some will no doubt call me selfish but we all have needs and desires.

What if your wife is saying exactly the same thing on another forum? Be honest.

When I hear men say that their wife isn't interested in sex anymore,but he still has needs I can't help but think the wife hasn't gone off sex she's just gone off sex with you. "

So both have a part to play in the cheating.

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By *utterflyandArtificeCouple
over a year ago

TROWBRIDGE

"I don't judge people who are attached and are on here or who have affairs

Just don't shove it in my face or try and change my opinion of not wanting to get involved

As for how to get over the spouse cheating on you

It takes time

It took me a divorce and therapy to get over it

Do you ever get over it, or learn to move on?

A x

I did get over it.

So did my child. It takes time.

Took me 2 years to get over the hurt that was caused over the years. He stripped away at my confidence and self worth.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. "

I too am over it, though O have never hated anyone before but I do now and will always hate her.

I now have a very different life and know I have a great partner; we are in such a good place we can happily partake in this lifestyle. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My current wife cheated for about 3 years before I found anything out lol

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"My current wife cheated for about 3 years before I found anything out lol "

Was it a 'lol' moment when you found out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My current wife cheated for about 3 years before I found anything out lol

Was it a 'lol' moment when you found out?"

No not at all, it didn't take long till I realised it turned me on though

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By *gnitemybody OP Woman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"My current wife cheated for about 3 years before I found anything out lol

Was it a 'lol' moment when you found out?

No not at all, it didn't take long till I realised it turned me on though

All turned out well then...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My current wife cheated for about 3 years before I found anything out lol

Was it a 'lol' moment when you found out?

No not at all, it didn't take long till I realised it turned me on though

All turned out well then..."

Fantastically well, was with her work colleague as well

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By *one_Fishing83Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

When I hear men say that their wife isn't interested in sex anymore,but he still has needs I can't help but think the wife hasn't gone off sex she's just gone off sex with you.

Bit of a sexist generalisation.

I dealt with years of lying before my ex's infidelity was confirmed, unfortunately it was after we had had a child together. I still spent another 6 unhappy years with her trying to make things work for the sake of my son. We were never able to have an honest conversation about her cheating apparently it just happened the first time but she just carried on (and without using protection) and she'd not admit to others as I didn't have proof. I even tried to get her to agree to go to some session with relate but she just refused. It was 7 years after she first cheated before I cheated back and at that point we hadn't had sex where she put any effort in for 2 years and had been sleeping in seperate bedrooms for 8 months. When I felt no guilt I knew it was time to leave.

To the op, stay strong, remember how much better off you are without someone that treats you like that. Everything with your children will get better with time

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