FabSwingers.com forum: Unreasonable cunt.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

Gonna sound all Jeremy Kyle here but I don't care and I want advice, there's an order in place between my ex and I whereby he has to have our daughter every other weekend fri to sun and every Wednesday for a couple of hours.

This Saturday my daughter has a grading for kickboxing, they only do it on a Saturday every 3 months, she missed the last one because it fell on his Saturday and he wouldn't take her. Despite me paying for everything already paying the £30 for the belt. Anyway this weekend is his weekend and next weekend (my weekend) is Father's Day whereby the order says that he is to pick her up for the day (same for me with Mother's Day)

I just asked him if he would swap the weekend so I can take her to kickboxing and he could have the full weekend on Father's Day weekend. He said no, I said right ok she has grading this Saturday will you take her, he says no it's his weekend, at this point my daughter (7 years old) is saying but Dad I have to do my grading. I tell her to go in the house and I go outside to his car to speak to him, he's getting in his car, I'm saying right so what's happening this weekend now and he said oh you just take her I'll pick her up after it, I said ok and Sunday will you take her to her swimming lesson (cos he never takes her to them when they fall on his weekend) then tells me that he's not doing things that I want to do all the time.

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

Am I unreasonable in expecting him to fulfill all her commitments when they fall on his weekend. I try not to let anything be on her weekend but the kickboxing grading is only on a Saturday every 3 months, also her swimming is on a Sunday because they only do lessons Tuesday and Saturday and Sunday and Tuesday she has drama and piano. I take her to all her classes, I pay for all her classes, all he has to do is take her when they fall on his weekend, it's bloody 30 mins on a Sunday and a couple of hours on a Saturday every 3 months for grading.

The thought of having to deal with this till she's like what 12,13 even 16, just makes me miserable and anxious. He's been with his girlfriend for 7 years now, they aren't engaged they don't live together or nothing. Wish he would just have a child with her so he has something else to concentrate on other than being an unreasonable wanker. He also doesn't pay a penny in maintenance. I've told my daughter that she has to stick up for herself and if she wants to do these things she has to ask him herself which she does. Weekend before last she came home upset on the Sunday because daddy wouldn't take her to her swimming lesson. Now that's just sick to me, he won't even acknowledge his own child's wishes and thinks that the time she spends with him is so special and superior to any other activity. He's actually said to me in the past that spending time with him is more beneficial than any of her classses.

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By *ornyDubMan25Man
over a year ago

Berlin

You said it in the first paragraph... Jeremy Kyle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just remember she'll remember all this and he'll lose out in the future.

As for advice I don't really have any as I'm still navigating a mine field with my ex regarding our son.

But he should take her to classes. And pay maintenance. Even if he's on dole you can get maintenance off them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stop him from seeing her.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

CSA the cunt

Go to court to order attending the classes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

"
..........................that shit hurt my head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a tank on standby just give me the nod.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I have no words of wisdom, he sounds an insensitive, selfish dick. It really doesn't sound as though there's any reasoning with him.

I do feel sorry for your daughter to have to put up with him. Is there no other family member you can call on to support you in getting him to realise what he's doing is wrong.

Hope something can be sorted soon x

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Grade A dick.

I think you've got every right to be angry. I'd say if it's far for him to travel to take her to swimming then I can see why he would have an issue, but other than that it seems like he's being a lazy twat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her. "

and the daughter suffers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd see if you can get any order amended so it stipulates that he has to take her to swimming lessons or anything else she does, i.e. grading.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her.

and the daughter suffers "

I doubt it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her.

and the daughter suffers "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her.

and the daughter suffers

I doubt it "

I'm sure in years to come she would...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

she is your daughter and you are the main parent , she lives with you , just take her to her classes as thats what she wants to do , he wont take you to court over it , do whats best for your daughter and dont worry about it.....

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

He sounds like a lazy bastard to me. You're not being unreasonable at all and he should most definitely be taking his daughter to these things because it's something she wants to do and enjoys.

She's going to really hate him when she's older.

Try not to let him upset you, I bet he loves that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being an absent father I can't understand how anyone would purposefully sabotage their child's hobbies/life like that.

Wish I could offer advice, but I can't. Only a bit of sympathy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her.

and the daughter suffers

I doubt it "

I have a 7 year old girl who would nothing more than to have a father in her life, but he walked away from the start.

She has seen him 7 times in her life and adores the bloody bones off him.

I think he's a twat but she'll never know that. In years to come she will understand its down to him, but for now she hangs on to the fact her perfect loving father is just a very busy man.

Although in Empress's situation he is being a twat to her, the father is still a vital part of their childs life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How on earth will the daughter suffer from not seeing a man who refuses to support her in the things she loves doing? Who, by, not doing so, shows she isn't important to him, her aspirations don't matter to him, he'd rather point score with her mother than help her do whats important to her? That's rhetorical, I don't need an answer. She'll be just fine and much happier not being made to feel like shit by a person who's supposed to put her first but refuses to, for his own petty crap.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Been in your shoes!! Oh my.

Whatever you do, don't stop him seeing her! Just keep being the bigger person. Do whatever is in your power to do the right thing.

My daughter is now 16 and sees her father for what he is. Just always do what is right for your child in your power. If he can't do the same it will come back to haunt him.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trying to look at it from his perspective, maybe he wants to do what he wants to do with his daughter and probably doesnt like you dictating what he should do with his daughter when he has her for the weekend.

I dont think he is selfish. He is doing alot more than what some dads do. He sees his daughter regularly.

Does your daughter ever complain about him?

If so then it needs to be addressed but personally I dont think he is doing much wrong. Sorry but thats my opinion based on what you have written.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Break it down into sections, might make it easier to deal with.

Can you speak to the club, explain the circumstances and see if there's anyway they can change the grading date. Can you look to move the after school activities to days where he has no involvement at least until it's sorted?

Why isn't he paying maintenance?

Can you sit in the same room with a mediator & thrash this shite out?

He's playing mind games with you and using your daughter as a pawn.

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By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Keep your kid to keep nagging him. The more he pisses her off, the better you look. Eventually she'll turn round and say she doesn't want to spend weekends with him and then where will he be.

And Yes, you definitely need to speak to the CSA.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's his time with her and he doesn't want you controlling any of that time. I understand where he's coming from, what if he starts setting up commitments for her during your time?

We're only getting one side of the story but it's enough for me to see why he could be annoyed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had an unreasonable ex for 8 years and my kids are grown up now, I have a great relationship with both of them and they don't want to know there mother (which is a real shame). They remember who put them first and took them to there sports clubs and made sacrifices to support them financially.

You keep putting your daughter first your obviously a good mum. She will remember x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her.

and the daughter suffers

I doubt it "

I doubt it too. Not for just one weekend.

Message to say "you're swapping the weekends so he can spend Father's Day weekend with her" and then turn your phone off. Take her with you and stay somewhere Friday night, phone off, so he can't pick her up.

Take her for her grading on Saturday and then turn your phone back on.

If he has the audacity to take you to court you'll get your chance to tell the court he isn't paying and claim you had both hers and his best interests at heart.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"How on earth will the daughter suffer from not seeing a man who refuses to support her in the things she loves doing? Who, by, not doing so, shows she isn't important to him, her aspirations don't matter to him, he'd rather point score with her mother than help her do whats important to her? That's rhetorical, I don't need an answer. She'll be just fine and much happier not being made to feel like shit by a person who's supposed to put her first but refuses to, for his own petty crap. "

They have a court order in place apart from any other argument against preventing a parent from not seeing their child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow op. Had to get that off your chest? Feel better?

This happens to varying degrees the world over. Some people are just shallow enough to not understand thus care. Maybe a part of him knows by hurting your/his daughter he hurts you.

Just keep thinking as your daughter gets older she'll realise it's you that was there for her and provided for her, not her dad.

Chin up chick. Fuzz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

At some point your daughter will make her own mind up about who she wants to spend more time with. She may hear your ex slag you off - make sure she never hears you slag him off. It will make her decision easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law."

I would rather my daughters dad be there emotionally and physically than financially. Kids dont necessarily need material things.. they need the love, support and commitment from parents.

Speaking from experience here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

I would rather my daughters dad be there emotionally and physically than financially. Kids dont necessarily need material things.. they need the love, support and commitment from parents.

Speaking from experience here."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

I would rather my daughters dad be there emotionally and physically than financially. Kids dont necessarily need material things.. they need the love, support and commitment from parents.

Speaking from experience here."

Absolutely.. i never asked for a penny from my nippers dad said from the start i just wanted them to bond.. turns out he couldnt do that either

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Been in your shoes!! Oh my.

Whatever you do, don't stop him seeing her! Just keep being the bigger person. Do whatever is in your power to do the right thing.

My daughter is now 16 and sees her father for what he is. Just always do what is right for your child in your power. If he can't do the same it will come back to haunt him.

Good luck x"

This.

We know it's not easy, we both have children from previous relationships.

Nita

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By *-elleWoman
over a year ago

Romford

If he doesn't want to do it with her it's his choice, You can't force the issue it will only upset you and further divide any relations you have with him. It's so important for your daughters, longer term well being, that you both get along, this is what you should be both be working toward as two mature parents. As she grows she will form her own opinions on what matters, but she needs to grow in a supporting environment not a war zone, just because you usher her away don't think for one minute she doesn't sense these tensions. Winning belts is far less important than winning a grounded child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

This

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

I would rather my daughters dad be there emotionally and physically than financially. Kids dont necessarily need material things.. they need the love, support and commitment from parents.

Speaking from experience here.

Absolutely.. i never asked for a penny from my nippers dad said from the start i just wanted them to bond.. turns out he couldnt do that either "

Very sad but I'm sure you fill the gap they don't know exists

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

I would rather my daughters dad be there emotionally and physically than financially. Kids dont necessarily need material things.. they need the love, support and commitment from parents.

Speaking from experience here."

Fair play but it don't put food on the table or clothes on their backs.

I would of failed as a father if i couldn't provide both emotionally and financially its called being a father/Parent and my boys will not go without it's MY job my life commitment to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's way out of order if you ask me, he's using her as a weapon to hurt you which you can obviously see. It sounds like you are doing your very best to give your daughter a full and active life. In the short term I'd just breach the order and take her to her grading, he'd have to spend money to take you back to court to deal with the breach and any court would see you were being reasonable. If he called the police they would turn up and see that you were being reasonable and tell him it's a civil matter and to speak with his solicitor, they wouldn't take your daughter from you and hand her over to him. In the long term I'd get the order ammended to include that he has to take her to her classes or forfeit his time with her.

Why doesn't he pay maintenance? I'd use that against him, tell him if he doesn't start playing ball then you are going to start demanding the maintenance that is due.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Why isnt he helping pay for anything. Please tell me he pays you maintenance.

What a cruel bastard

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Why isnt he helping pay for anything. Please tell me he pays you maintenance.

What a cruel bastard"

Just read he doesnt pay maintenance. Neither does my kids dad but he does pay half for their hobbies/trips etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would of failed as a father if i couldn't provide both emotionally and financially its called being a father/Parent and my boys will not go without it's MY job my life commitment to them."

I agree also but I would have loved for my daughters father to be there for her .. i didnt care about the money .. i just wanted him not to let her down which he did many times and absent in her life. Times were tough, we had a period of not having a hot meal for dinner, always buying second hand clothes. I remember the excitement on my daughters face when I bought her some new clothes rather than second hand. She was 3 years old and the excitement well i can remember it as if it was yesterday.

But there was love.

OP the father does need to pay maintenence, no doubt about it. Only you know what he is truly like. I hope you manage to work something out that is suitable for both of you. x

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you? "

can't be done, he is unreasonable by default and so will not do anything a reasonable person would do. his hate will hopefully give him a heart attack soon and he dies from that.

jk,hope that made you laugh coz i'd like you to be happy.

"Gonna sound all Jeremy Kyle here but I don't care and I want advice, there's an order in place between my ex and I whereby he has to have our daughter every other weekend fri to sun and every Wednesday for a couple of hours.

right. here i'm gonna say he actually was reasonable. when you asked about the grading he was being his cunty self but when he realised his daughter actually wanted to get the belt he backed down.

he backed down and you have got what you wanted here. i do think this is fair and it might have caused him some distress backing down also so was big of him. and he did that for his daughter, remember this because it does mean although he doesn't care what you say it does mean he cares what she says,so he does care about her and that is what matters.

"It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them. "

ok. gonna actually say that it is his time with his daughter and he has no obligation to you at all to do anything you ask of him, so long as he is looking after his daughter and taking care of her during his time with her.

he should, of course, be considerate of what she (your daughter) wants also.

i do think he might be trying not to take on the responsibilities that come along with your/his daughter. not sure what he thinks being a parent is? i know some men haven't a clue about having kids and when they only see them on their time off they expect to still be able to have time off, when parenting is not like that. it's a full time job that has breaks when the opportunity arises and not just because you want one.

what would they get up to on his weekend if he actually got to do what he wants? would it be something lazy doing nothing much except being present or other things that he enjoys doing but would give your daughter some idea of what kind of dad he is? i think it's important she gets to know who he is, what he likes, as well as get her needs sorted also. he should have time for both these things though seeing as he has her for a whole weekend.

additionally he also should show some interest in her likes so that she feels like he cares about her interests too. so take her to swimming and cheer her on, same for the grading.

"He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child."

you can't. only he can stop hating you and he doesn't want to.

"Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

you're not being unreasonable at all. but i've given you some other things to consider above.

"The thought of having to deal with this till she's like what 12,13 even 16, just makes me miserable and anxious. He's been with his girlfriend for 7 years now, they aren't engaged they don't live together or nothing. Wish he would just have a child with her so he has something else to concentrate on other than being an unreasonable wanker. He also doesn't pay a penny in maintenance. I've told my daughter that she has to stick up for herself and if she wants to do these things she has to ask him herself which she does. Weekend before last she came home upset on the Sunday because daddy wouldn't take her to her swimming lesson. Now that's just sick to me, he won't even acknowledge his own child's wishes and thinks that the time she spends with him is so special and superior to any other activity. He's actually said to me in the past that spending time with him is more beneficial than any of her classses.

he has time for the classes and himself. he sounds selfish, lazy, or both. even travelling to and from classes he has time to chat with her, spend quality time chatting and doing every day normal parenting things.

don't know how you change him, you shouldn't have to really because he should understand that the things that are important to her are important enough for him to at least show interest in them.

as for your anxiety, haven't a clue there either. hopefully someone else has better advice.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Which was in place first - the lessons or the order ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst i can see it from your point of view, and i can! Been there and still wearing the t-shirt, but i can also see it from his point of view.

He just wants to spend time with his daughter doing what he wants to do, because to his mind, he doesn't see her as much and so wants to make their time together count.

Obviously i don't know him, he might have ulterior motives i dunno, but this is what it could be.

At the end of the day belts and gradings can be done in the future, if she's that bothered.

Bonding time with a missing parent you can't get back.

I know it's grating. I really do. But sometimes you have to turn the other cheek, swear under your breath and be the bigger person.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law."

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

my oldest 2 kids have not had a single penny off their dad, made me laugh around my oldests 17th birthday when i got a letter of the CSA saying my ex didn't have to pay anything for his son when he turned 17, like i'd ever had anything in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No amount of money or hobbies can replace a loving parent.

I would never condone anyone not supporting their children financially but we don't know his financial circumstances.

We do know that he wants to see his daughter though, and that's the most important thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whilst i can see it from your point of view, and i can! Been there and still wearing the t-shirt, but i can also see it from his point of view.

He just wants to spend time with his daughter doing what he wants to do, because to his mind, he doesn't see her as much and so wants to make their time together count.

Obviously i don't know him, he might have ulterior motives i dunno, but this is what it could be.

At the end of the day belts and gradings can be done in the future, if she's that bothered.

Bonding time with a missing parent you can't get back.

I know it's grating. I really do. But sometimes you have to turn the other cheek, swear under your breath and be the bigger person."

Nope we're talking about swapping a day over for the benefit of ' their ' daughter, why wouldn't he do that for her then so she be happy.?

Nope selfish and doesn't even pay anything towards her i think that says all we need to know about this little girls 'dad'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trying to look at it from his perspective, maybe he wants to do what he wants to do with his daughter and probably doesnt like you dictating what he should do with his daughter when he has her for the weekend.

I dont think he is selfish. He is doing alot more than what some dads do. He sees his daughter regularly.

Does your daughter ever complain about him?

If so then it needs to be addressed but personally I dont think he is doing much wrong. Sorry but thats my opinion based on what you have written."

Thats my opinion too. He should be free to do what he wants with her in 'his' time with her.

My hubbys ex used to tell him what to do and where to go when he had his daughter. The demands was stopped because its his time with her. Shes now 16 and realises that her mum tried to manipulate them all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whilst i can see it from your point of view, and i can! Been there and still wearing the t-shirt, but i can also see it from his point of view.

He just wants to spend time with his daughter doing what he wants to do, because to his mind, he doesn't see her as much and so wants to make their time together count.

Obviously i don't know him, he might have ulterior motives i dunno, but this is what it could be.

At the end of the day belts and gradings can be done in the future, if she's that bothered.

Bonding time with a missing parent you can't get back.

I know it's grating. I really do. But sometimes you have to turn the other cheek, swear under your breath and be the bigger person.

Nope we're talking about swapping a day over for the benefit of ' their ' daughter, why wouldn't he do that for her then so she be happy.?

Nope selfish and doesn't even pay anything towards her i think that says all we need to know about this little girls 'dad'."

We only *know* one side of the story, that's all we can base our advice on. I'm sure on both sides there's more to it than meets the eye.

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By *hoenixandflamesCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

Well, I don't have this situation exactly, but my partner has...

And tbh, after being the step parent to someone who's actual parent is a dickhead, I would go to court about it.

Certainly get legal advice, as it's just unreasonable to punish his daughter over something she wants to do.

It makes my blood boil when I see and witness parents that just don't deserve to be.

They are parents by misfortune and infact deserve their gonads removing.

I waited 20 years till I found the right person to have a kid (one more to go!) with... and yet somehow knob heads and bitches have kids and are just flat out undeserving.

He's just one example of someone who doesn't deserve to be a parent. He's certainly no father. I can only imagine how caustic the atmosphere is at his home and what your daughter is being exposed to.

What a complete diseased knob.

Totally understand your rage.

Get advice, and fuck him where it hurts. (And this is not for your own revenge as much as some might think you are relishing in, it's for your daughter!)

*deep breath*

Flames

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Sister goes through all of this stuff with her ex. All I'll say is that when she's older, she'll remember. I do now. I remember all those times my Dad let me down and just how selfless my Mum was.

It's a situation I wouldn't want to be in, but I'd say that as long as you do what you feel is best for your daughter, there's not much more you can do!

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By *hitedoveWoman
over a year ago

Croydon

I dont think he is selfish. He is doing alot more than what some dads do. He sees his daughter regularly.

Does your daughter ever complain about him?

If so then it needs to be addressed but personally I dont think he is doing much wrong. Sorry but thats my opinion based on what you have written."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's just hard, I try my best for things not to take place on the weekend but she does stuff through the week days and swimming is kind of an important one and I can only fit it in on a Sunday now because of the stage she's just moved to, was the only class that had space at the time. The kickboxing grading is only on Saturdays every 3 months they come round, she missed the last one because he wouldn't take her and then I get all the tears afterwards.

It's just really hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Keep your kid to keep nagging him. The more he pisses her off, the better you look. Eventually she'll turn round and say she doesn't want to spend weekends with him and then where will he be.

And Yes, you definitely need to speak to the CSA."

That worked badly for my husbands ex. His daughter has seen what her mother is like with her attempts to manipulate everybody.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her. "

Not an option ffs! That would also hurt the child.In years to come... 'i stopped you seeing daddy because of kick boxing, piano, drama and swimming darling'

OP It's great that she's doing the activities btw, not criticising that. Unfortunately there are no winners in this. You can't break the order or it will come back to bite you on the arse - judges don't take kindly to anyone doing that regardless of common sense and putting the child first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/06/17 22:04:16]

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I went through the same thing. Kids had clubs during the week and parties at the weekend. He wouldn't take them if they had a party to go to despite him knowing most of the parents.

Then he wouldn't take the kids just because he wanted to go out or go away for the weekend. Wasn't a happy time but mine are now teenagers.

Your daughter will remember the times he didn't take her to these events and he'll be the one who misses out. I kept trying to get my ex to spend time with the kids but you reap what you sow on this life.

Go to your lawyer if you need to as he's being unreasonable.

Good luck and be strong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying right or wrong.

But this is only one side of the story and it's unlikely anybody is a character witness for either side.

He could be totally be a cunt, I'm guessing most of us don't actually know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If he doesn't want to do it with her it's his choice, You can't force the issue it will only upset you and further divide any relations you have with him. It's so important for your daughters, longer term well being, that you both get along, this is what you should be both be working toward as two mature parents. As she grows she will form her own opinions on what matters, but she needs to grow in a supporting environment not a war zone, just because you usher her away don't think for one minute she doesn't sense these tensions. Winning belts is far less important than winning a grounded child. "

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"It's just hard, I try my best for things not to take place on the weekend but she does stuff through the week days and swimming is kind of an important one and I can only fit it in on a Sunday now because of the stage she's just moved to, was the only class that had space at the time. The kickboxing grading is only on Saturdays every 3 months they come round, she missed the last one because he wouldn't take her and then I get all the tears afterwards.

It's just really hard. "

Regarding anxiety. If you are really struggling go to your GP for help. I was prescribed something called propranolol which you only take at stressful times. It's really helped me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whilst i can see it from your point of view, and i can! Been there and still wearing the t-shirt, but i can also see it from his point of view.

He just wants to spend time with his daughter doing what he wants to do, because to his mind, he doesn't see her as much and so wants to make their time together count.

Obviously i don't know him, he might have ulterior motives i dunno, but this is what it could be.

At the end of the day belts and gradings can be done in the future, if she's that bothered.

Bonding time with a missing parent you can't get back.

I know it's grating. I really do. But sometimes you have to turn the other cheek, swear under your breath and be the bigger person.

Nope we're talking about swapping a day over for the benefit of ' their ' daughter, why wouldn't he do that for her then so she be happy.?

Nope selfish and doesn't even pay anything towards her i think that says all we need to know about this little girls 'dad'."

There are obviously unresolved issues here though as it's gone to Court etc. When it comes to access orders it's safe to say that relations have got so bad that swapping days is not even an option really.

If it went back to Court, Empress could be seen as trying to be awkward because it's her trying to re-arrange days that have been agreed.

I just wouldn't give him ammunition.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think he is selfish. He is doing alot more than what some dads do. He sees his daughter regularly.

Does your daughter ever complain about him?

If so then it needs to be addressed but personally I dont think he is doing much wrong. Sorry but thats my opinion based on what you have written.

Thats my opinion too. He should be free to do what he wants with her in 'his' time with her.

Spot on. What if he suddenly arranges for her to have gymnastics lessons every second evening and commits her mother to that?

It's his time with his daughter. He shouldn't be manipulated and controlled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has he sat her down and explained to her why he won't take her? It's not fair that you have to do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just really hard. "

I'm sure it is really hard, no one likes to see their child upset especially when we know what the easy fix is.

But you know what life is unfair at times & unfortunately your daughter is experiencing this at the moment.

Hopefully she'll be able to complete her grading, it may just take longer than 1st planned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was for you he has the right to say no, but it's for his daughter, she wouldn't go these things if she didn't like them, can you not go back to court and get the order adjusted, I was told I could if circumstances changed but I've been lucky where her mum really don't give a flying ffff and she's with me or at my parents nearly all the time now, good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

Apologies for not reading the whole thing.

It's about control and he wants the reaction you're giving him.

Easy to say as I've been there. Try to rise above it - take up kick boxing to get rid of the anger.

You will live to see his regret and he won't be able to change a thing

I waited 18 years for him to accept that I was always right. Tbh it wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be

Best of luck. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing her. "

This is the worst thing you could do...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Which was in place first - the lessons or the order ?"

She's been doing swimming since she was 3 and a half so for 3.5 years, she's been doing kickboxing since she was 5 so just over 2 years. The final order was done in march this year so the classes were years before the order. In court I asked the judge to include her commitments and she said yes that's a reasonable request, at the time it was only her swimming that had fallen on a weekend and she said if they haven't got anything planned then he should take her to her swimming lesson. He said in court that the 3 month grading wouldn't be a problem either if it fell on his weekend.

I can't take it back to court cos I don't have the spare £215 to amend the order and things like her activities don't have a specific set thing cos they're subject to change. He said in court he'd fulfill her commitments but he's not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

Apologies for not reading the whole thing.

It's about control and he wants the reaction you're giving him.

Easy to say as I've been there. Try to rise above it - take up kick boxing to get rid of the anger.

You will live to see his regret and he won't be able to change a thing

I waited 18 years for him to accept that I was always right. Tbh it wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be

Best of luck. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel x"

P.s

As I used to tell my daughter when she went to live with her Dad. You need to deal with the way he is, not the way you think he should be xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think he is selfish. He is doing alot more than what some dads do. He sees his daughter regularly.

Does your daughter ever complain about him?

If so then it needs to be addressed but personally I dont think he is doing much wrong. Sorry but thats my opinion based on what you have written.

Thats my opinion too. He should be free to do what he wants with her in 'his' time with her.

Spot on. What if he suddenly arranges for her to have gymnastics lessons every second evening and commits her mother to that?

It's his time with his daughter. He shouldn't be manipulated and controlled."

That doesn't sit right with me at all. What if the kids mum said that her time with her was to do the things she wanted to do. The kid wouldn't go to any of her clubs at all. Why does the dad get to avoid his responsibilities in taking her to the clubs she wants to go to. You can't join these clubs and say that she'll only be there for every second lesson, they wouldn't have it. It's as much his responsibility to get her there as it is the mothers, just because he only sees her part time doesn't dilute his responsibilities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just really hard. "

I think its far more important for her to spend time with him than swim/kickbox. Thats based on my own family experiences, my child care training and my work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One tip never use the child as a weapon try not to argue in front of her and if you both can't compromise then try getting a mediator x

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

"Keep your kid to keep nagging him. The more he pisses her off, the better you look. Eventually she'll turn round and say she doesn't want to spend weekends with him and then where will he be.

And Yes, you definitely need to speak to the CSA."

No don't manipulate a child like that ffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not saying right or wrong.

But this is only one side of the story and it's unlikely anybody is a character witness for either side.

He could be totally be a cunt, I'm guessing most of us don't actually know."

Indeed. And if the OP is trying to build a reasonable situation, calling him a cunt isn't a great start.

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

Having the lessons on the weekends prevents him from planning things. The kick boxing grading, 1 Saturday out of 12-13, he's an arse.

But the swim lessons, I'd put on hold till there is a space in her level on a different day.

Maintenance needs addressing. X

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

"I'm not saying right or wrong.

But this is only one side of the story and it's unlikely anybody is a character witness for either side.

He could be totally be a cunt, I'm guessing most of us don't actually know.

Indeed. And if the OP is trying to build a reasonable situation, calling him a cunt isn't a great start. "

What has how she referred to him here got to do with anything?

It's got nothing to do with the Rl situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The reality is that you can't really control his actions however unreasonable he's being. It's really hard to realise that though! Been there too.

Id agree with some of the other posts that say this is prob ably just him trying to get a reaction from you. As hard as it is to bite your tongue I think you've got to try and do that.

Feel for you though x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My brother had the same thing with his ex wife, he didn't like that he couldn't do what he wanted with his daughter, because his wife basically had things sorted, for her. I can see where he's coming from, it stops him taking her away overnight, or parties and staying over, I would try and get her a swimming lesson in the week, then if the grading falls on his weekend he would be more inclined to take her. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think he is selfish. He is doing alot more than what some dads do. He sees his daughter regularly.

Does your daughter ever complain about him?

If so then it needs to be addressed but personally I dont think he is doing much wrong. Sorry but thats my opinion based on what you have written.

Thats my opinion too. He should be free to do what he wants with her in 'his' time with her.

Spot on. What if he suddenly arranges for her to have gymnastics lessons every second evening and commits her mother to that?

It's his time with his daughter. He shouldn't be manipulated and controlled.

So it's OK for him to commit his daughter to gymnastics every second day because that's what she wants to do?

Both parents should agree to commitments that impact on their time with their daughter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think its far more important for her to spend time with him than swim/kickbox. Thats based on my own family experiences, my child care training and my work."

If she fell off a boat in the sea, the quality time she spent with her father wouldn't save her. If she was ever threatened with physical violence be that a bully or a mugger or abusive partner, the quality time spent with her father wouldn't help her, I want to be safe in the knowledge that she can look after herself.

With regards to how would I feel if he booked her in to a class and said that I have to take her during the week and he was paying for it I would think great, brilliant yes course I will take her and I would. I'd have to check it doesn't interfere with anything else.

Her week is school Monday- Friday obviously.

Monday kickboxing 5:30-6-30 Krav Maga 6:30-7:30

Tuesday drama 4:30-5:30 piano 6:15-7

Wednesday nothing she's sees her dad now for 2 hours (its when she used to do piano but I swapped it)

Thursday kickboxing 5:30-6:30

Friday acro 4:30-5 gymnastics 5-6

If she said to him that she wanted to do another class and he said he'd pay and he'd take her on his weekend, I'd also take her to that class if it was something she wanted to do. That's what parents do. I work 2 jobs as well and by Friday I'm hanging out if my arse falling asleep in the classes, I'm not one of those mothers that's pushey. Sometimes I say to her aww love shall we just go home and put our jammies on and give (insert activity) a miss, and she'll say noo Mammy I wanna go. So we go because it's what she wants to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

I gave up phoning the csa.

Got fed up with them being rude to me thinking I was the arsehole who wasn't paying.

Stupid. Sexist. Useless twats.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

I dont think he is selfish. He is doing alot more than what some dads do. He sees his daughter regularly.

Does your daughter ever complain about him?

If so then it needs to be addressed but personally I dont think he is doing much wrong. Sorry but thats my opinion based on what you have written.

Thats my opinion too. He should be free to do what he wants with her in 'his' time with her.

Spot on. What if he suddenly arranges for her to have gymnastics lessons every second evening and commits her mother to that?

It's his time with his daughter. He shouldn't be manipulated and controlled.

Sadly this happens. I used to take my daughter to drama class on my weekend. I missed time with her to give her a hobby she wanted to persue. Her father refused. To keep her in the class I ended up paying for the weekends SJ wasn't there as well.

What I think is missing from above, is for a child who sees a parent every other weekend, the parent with main responsibility has an enormous duty to look after that child during the school week. My solicitor pointed this out. It's not extra time during the week really because there is little free time, which in my situation was right. So being equal, having alternate weekends, you would hope that both parents would be committed to the child's needs.

I still have the same deal. I pick up the pieces after any trauma, by and large support her financially and emotionally.

Deep breath OP. You know what is right, don't let your daughter down and don't let yourself down either

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My friend tells me that I've just got to let him do his thing and let her see how he is. I've always been the reminder like make sure she gets to this party or whatever if itvised to fall on the weekend or making sure he knew when school plays were or sports days. Basically making him look like a good father but you do that to stop your kid being hurt in the first place. I don't want her to think of her father as a dick head. I want her to think of him as someone she can rely on. I also don't like it when she comes home after a weekend with him, upset because he hasn't taking her to a swimming lesson or like a few kknrhs back when she missed a grading (because of him) the next lessons everyone was presented with their new belts and she didn't get hers. I get the tears then and the shit, I get the questions like why won't he take me mam. What am I supposed to say to that, makes my blood boil.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

I gave up phoning the csa.

Got fed up with them being rude to me thinking I was the arsehole who wasn't paying.

Stupid. Sexist. Useless twats. "

no idea how bad they are coz i didn't bother dealing with them unless they threatened to cut my benefits, knew he'd never have to pay a thing anyway and he didn't.

they're both too old to be paid for now and got a decent step dad who shows an interest in them so fairly happy now.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"My friend tells me that I've just got to let him do his thing and let her see how he is. I've always been the reminder like make sure she gets to this party or whatever if itvised to fall on the weekend or making sure he knew when school plays were or sports days. Basically making him look like a good father but you do that to stop your kid being hurt in the first place. I don't want her to think of her father as a dick head. I want her to think of him as someone she can rely on. I also don't like it when she comes home after a weekend with him, upset because he hasn't taking her to a swimming lesson or like a few kknrhs back when she missed a grading (because of him) the next lessons everyone was presented with their new belts and she didn't get hers. I get the tears then and the shit, I get the questions like why won't he take me mam. What am I supposed to say to that, makes my blood boil. "

You bite your tongue, carry on being a good mum and give him enough rope to hang himself. There's nothing you can do. If he's prepared for his daughter to see him in a bad light that's his choice. So long as your daughter has one solid reliable parent, she will be fine. If he doesn't change his ways he will regret it in the future. I'm not the only one in thread that's seen this from what I read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

I gave up phoning the csa.

Got fed up with them being rude to me thinking I was the arsehole who wasn't paying.

Stupid. Sexist. Useless twats.

no idea how bad they are coz i didn't bother dealing with them unless they threatened to cut my benefits, knew he'd never have to pay a thing anyway and he didn't.

they're both too old to be paid for now and got a decent step dad who shows an interest in them so fairly happy now."

I'm glad that worked out in the end for you.

I settled down with a lady in the end.

I didn't ever claim benefits as I worked full time. I just thought my ex's ought to chip in at least a little for their daughters. They thought different. As did the csa.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

I gave up phoning the csa.

Got fed up with them being rude to me thinking I was the arsehole who wasn't paying.

Stupid. Sexist. Useless twats.

no idea how bad they are coz i didn't bother dealing with them unless they threatened to cut my benefits, knew he'd never have to pay a thing anyway and he didn't.

they're both too old to be paid for now and got a decent step dad who shows an interest in them so fairly happy now."

Thanks for popping in. He's a real narcissistic shit as well.

The worst thing about all this is that I never ever wanted to think of him badly. He was supposed to be my first love, we were together from 18-26 and fuck we used to have fun and he's my child's father so never wanted to think of him badly but hes ruined my memories and that's a big deal. Feel like my teens and early twenties are just shit memories now. I wish I had her with someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Youre a good mum OP. You can see that. Dont get worked up about it. He may not change so keep doing what you're doing

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By *entaur_UKMan
over a year ago

Cannock

She'll realise what a twat her dad has been when she gets a bit older. He is only damaging his own relationship with her in the long run by these actions which she won't forget. Also as she gets a bit older she'll start to stamp more authority on what she wants to do. I guess you just have to be patient and as she gets older she'll see for herself what's been going on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as the kids get older they begin to make more choices for themselves - ive been through this and now the dad sees the son when he does a duty visit and my daughter chooses not to see him atall - all through dads selfish behaviour - its been pretty much like this since we split - arrive back teatime on a sunday with dirty school uniform to wash dry and iron for following day - he couldnt be bothered - oh i could go on and on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

I would rather my daughters dad be there emotionally and physically than financially. Kids dont necessarily need material things.. they need the love, support and commitment from parents.

Speaking from experience here.

Absolutely.. i never asked for a penny from my nippers dad said from the start i just wanted them to bond.. turns out he couldnt do that either "

Same here I pay my mortgage and bring up 3 kids financially on my own. They see their father regularly, we get on well and the set up is cool. I manage (at the moment anyway) and there are far more important things in life than money.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Youre a good mum OP. You can see that. Dont get worked up about it. He may not change so keep doing what you're doing

He won't change. He thinks all being a parent is is going to the cinema or folly farm or a day trip here and there. It's like yeah you get all the treats and the fun without putting in the graft.

It's hard not to get worked up cos he's hurting me by directly upsetting our daughter.

I'm gonna have a galaxy caramel now that'll sort me out!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you go back to court and get the order changed so any weekends that there are prepaid classes/activities she attends you get to take her as he is refusing??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Youre a good mum OP. You can see that. Dont get worked up about it. He may not change so keep doing what you're doing

He won't change. He thinks all being a parent is is going to the cinema or folly farm or a day trip here and there. It's like yeah you get all the treats and the fun without putting in the graft.

It's hard not to get worked up cos he's hurting me by directly upsetting our daughter.

I'm gonna have a galaxy caramel now that'll sort me out!

Get down Eiras for a brekkie tomorrow that'll sort you out

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

When you split, you got the kid. Who got the house?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

Sorry but there is. My ex refused for years to support his own kids. In the end he had to be forced to help pay for their upbringing. Such as, child maintenance payments were taken straight out of his wages before he got his pay packet. Just like a tax etc deduction. If he tried to stop that, he would be sent to prison. This is what the CSA informed me by letter. 6 years of chances he had to willing stand up and support his own kids,kids he planned and wanted, but up to then refused to do so.

Op, definitely contact CSA. As for others suggesting it's his time and shouldn't have the op telling him wear to do, well she isn't. All that I see OP doing is trying to ask her ex to support and encourage his daughter's interests..not his ex's!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Youre a good mum OP. You can see that. Dont get worked up about it. He may not change so keep doing what you're doing

He won't change. He thinks all being a parent is is going to the cinema or folly farm or a day trip here and there. It's like yeah you get all the treats and the fun without putting in the graft.

It's hard not to get worked up cos he's hurting me by directly upsetting our daughter.

I'm gonna have a galaxy caramel now that'll sort me out!

Get down Eiras for a brekkie tomorrow that'll sort you out

I know, dying to fly into a big boy!

I haven't got the £215 to go to court to amend the order. He's supposed to fulfill her commitments. It's my birthday soon though, might ask for my family to buy me a court hearing for a present.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe I missed a bit but he had agreed in the end to take her to grading and then you asked him to take her swimming on the Sunday. If it's his weekend can he not decide what he wants to do with her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not saying right or wrong.

But this is only one side of the story and it's unlikely anybody is a character witness for either side.

He could be totally be a cunt, I'm guessing most of us don't actually know.

Indeed. And if the OP is trying to build a reasonable situation, calling him a cunt isn't a great start.

What has how she referred to him here got to do with anything?

It's got nothing to do with the Rl situation. "

Well that's me told, so I guess I will leave the thread. I'm of for a ginsters pastie and a lucozade. Night night.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When you split, you got the kid. Who got the house?"

We were together 9 years but split before she was born. I was living at home with my family but moved into my own place just before she was born. We've not been together since she's been born.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not saying right or wrong.

But this is only one side of the story and it's unlikely anybody is a character witness for either side.

He could be totally be a cunt, I'm guessing most of us don't actually know.

Indeed. And if the OP is trying to build a reasonable situation, calling him a cunt isn't a great start.

What has how she referred to him here got to do with anything?

It's got nothing to do with the Rl situation.

Well that's me told, so I guess I will leave the thread. I'm of for a ginsters pastie and a lucozade. Night night. "

That sounds like what that fat woman was eating in a swimming lesson once

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

I gave up phoning the csa.

Got fed up with them being rude to me thinking I was the arsehole who wasn't paying.

Stupid. Sexist. Useless twats.

no idea how bad they are coz i didn't bother dealing with them unless they threatened to cut my benefits, knew he'd never have to pay a thing anyway and he didn't.

they're both too old to be paid for now and got a decent step dad who shows an interest in them so fairly happy now.

Thanks for popping in. He's a real narcissistic shit as well.

i left you a long ass reply also, took me 30 mins or something to read your OP and process it and reply.

same, i wish i'd had my oldest two with someone better than the guy that i had them with. i was more naive then and thought my kids would be ok coz i loved them, was a bit of a shock when i found out that wasn't how it worked but it does help obviously as all kids need someone who makes them feel loved and special.

i sort of agree with your friend but not in a way where you should let her see he is an asshole, keep reminding him about events and that. but eventually she is going to work things out for herself and think he's an arsehole anyway, or at least not the dad she thought he was. and it's really not your fault, you've tried, you've been there for her, and she will also see this (others have said this and they are right).

he's already upsetting her and i don't think you can even explain to her why he is doing that coz you're not him. i think all you can do is comfort her and tell her you don't know why he is like that and only he can answer this. this isn't manipulating your child i feel, it is putting her in a spot though where she is going to question her dad, idk if that's right to do so if anyone has better advice then i'd appreciate that, but personally i would start making him more responsible, make him go through the emotional things with her then he can act on them and in turn become actually responsible for his daughter and his own actions towards her.

was your past with him actually shit, or has he made you question what you had together because of how he is now? (my first ex was shit, my 2nd ex he just let me down and i get why he did that but he did love me despite that so although he ruined something good he isn't a bad person and treated me well most of the time until near the end but he still treats his kids and step kids well and is active in doing what he wants with them and makes them happy).

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

I gave up phoning the csa.

Got fed up with them being rude to me thinking I was the arsehole who wasn't paying.

Stupid. Sexist. Useless twats.

no idea how bad they are coz i didn't bother dealing with them unless they threatened to cut my benefits, knew he'd never have to pay a thing anyway and he didn't.

they're both too old to be paid for now and got a decent step dad who shows an interest in them so fairly happy now.

I'm glad that worked out in the end for you.

I settled down with a lady in the end.

I didn't ever claim benefits as I worked full time. I just thought my ex's ought to chip in at least a little for their daughters. They thought different. As did the csa. "

thanks rachael, yeah i got very lucky with my other ex. think i deserved that after my first ex though and so did my kids.

there's so many ways around paying for kids it's unreal. but they should pay for their kids, even if it's only for things like food when they have them at theirs and if they don't have them at all then they should pay for something else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

shes his daughter - caring for her isnt like just doing babysitting duties - its allowing her to carry on with her life the same with one or the other of you - if she has a grading and with him he should take her -

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

nope, there's ways round it, he never was on the birth certificate for a start so there was no legal say so that he was the dad.

then he was in and out of prison, moving around. you'd be surprised how easy it is to avoid paying for things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

He sounds a proper arse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He sounds like a lazy bastard to me. You're not being unreasonable at all and he should most definitely be taking his daughter to these things because it's something she wants to do and enjoys.

She's going to really hate him when she's older.

Try not to let him upset you, I bet he loves that x"

This.

He is being very selfish and childish and your daughter is the loser all round. Cut back his time withher so she can do her classes or find a way to make him take her. What a prick.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"shes his daughter - caring for her isnt like just doing babysitting duties - its allowing her to carry on with her life the same with one or the other of you - if she has a grading and with him he should take her - "

That's what I mean, it should be her same routine whether she's with me or with him. I mean if he was taking her away somewhere then obviously missing a swimming lesson here or there wouldn't matter. Like 2013 he took her to Peppa pig world, 2014 he took her to CBeebies world in Alton towers and stayed in the hotel, 2015 he took her to the Eden project in Cornwall and stayed the weekend, 2016 he took her to lego land and stayed in the hotel overnight. That's aside from the local days out he takes her to. That's kind of the problem as well, he doesn't give any maintenance yet takes her to all these places and I think well I'd like to take her to Alton towers and stay in the hotel but I pay for all these classes and food and clothes and what not, yeah I took her abroad last year but sometimes I feel a bit pissed off that he doesn't pay for any contribution to her life but takes her to all these fun places. But then I suppose I should just think she's lucky she gets all the classes with me and then these fun places with her dad. Just wish he would know there's more to parenting than days out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get an absolute unreasonable cunt to see past their own hatred towards you?

It's not fucking shit that I want to do, do you think I enjoy all the money that all these classes and stuff cost, I do it because she wants to do them.

He absolutely hates me, will not reason with me will not ever listen to me.

How do you get a cunt to stop trying to hurt you by depriving their own child.

Granny, affectionate bitch and any other psychology peoples opinions please.

Based on your commentary he sounds an arse. There are always two sides though I suppose.

However, your daughter is 7 - so why are you telling her to stand up for herself...shes 7, she shouldn't have to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

was your past with him actually shit, or has he made you question what you had together because of how he is now? "

We were each other's first loves (or so I thought) Was mainly sexual and messing around, we had our partying years then our years when we got proper jobs and would see each other every weekend and through the week for years and years, just doing stuff that everybody does, holidays, restaurants, shopping, cinema and a whole lot of shagging.

Was how he's been the last year and in the statements for the court that he'd written about me and how he described our relationship like it was nothing, like basically said we were only together 9 years cos of the sex! Was really hurtful, to read it's like well he could've had sex with anyone. I thought we were in love, our daughter was conceived with someone I was in love with at the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in a similar situation.

But I don't think here is the place for this.

That's what friends are for. Not wanting to be a bitch here. My friend will give me advice but she will most definitely not tell me what to do. She'll have the voice to say when I'm wrong.

In a forum in a place like this it's all your side. But your true friends see the reality.

It's worth considering relate for mediation. It's a voluntary contribution based on income. That said. If there's a court order in place. You may be past that stage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

nope, there's ways round it, he never was on the birth certificate for a start so there was no legal say so that he was the dad.

then he was in and out of prison, moving around. you'd be surprised how easy it is to avoid paying for things."

Not being on the birth certificate means nothing. If you claim a man to be the father of your child. It's up to him to perform a DNA test to prove he isn't. My cousin has gone thru this.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

was your past with him actually shit, or has he made you question what you had together because of how he is now?

i can see how that would be hurtful, and if he is a narcissist then it probably is true. they do tend to have relationships to look normal rather than have them for love.

i think it's time to look up on how to co-parent despite the narcissist, rather than try to co-parent with one as the latter is not possible. although he did back down on the grading thing so that is interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd see if you can get any order amended so it stipulates that he has to take her to swimming lessons or anything else she does, i.e. grading."

This I would legal advise based on the disruption tof your daughters routine. You're not being unreasonable with your request to facilitate her activities.

I'd guess based on threat alone he may become more compliant.

Good luck I can only imagine how hard this must be for both you and your daughter

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Based on your commentary he sounds an arse. There are always two sides though I suppose.

However, your daughter is 7 - so why are you telling her to stand up for herself...shes 7, she shouldn't have to."

I tell her that if she wants to do anything that falls on the weekend that she's with him then she needs to ask him herself.

She shouldn't have to no because she is only 7 but he will not listen to me when I ask him to take her to something. He said earlier AGAIN "I'm not doing things you want to do" he doesn't understand that I'm not arsed if she does the classes or not, would save me money if she didn't want to do them all but she does, and I get the tears and the shit when he doesn't take her.

If she ask him herself then there's more chance he will take her because he absolutely will not listen to me.

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

It's a tough situation , by what you write it seems you are doing right by your kiddywink, that's all you can do , unfortunately adults use kids as weapons to get revenge and score points , on the strength of that all I can say is do right by your kid and f**k your ex ..... not literally of course !

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

there's no law that forces a guy to pay for his kids.

nope, there's ways round it, he never was on the birth certificate for a start so there was no legal say so that he was the dad.

then he was in and out of prison, moving around. you'd be surprised how easy it is to avoid paying for things.

Not being on the birth certificate means nothing. If you claim a man to be the father of your child. It's up to him to perform a DNA test to prove he isn't. My cousin has gone thru this. "

well me and my kids are living proof the CSA couldn't be arsed to make him do that. and i didn't care less, he was abusive so i was happy for him to fuck off forever personally. but no there is no law that says the NRP have to pay for their kid, if there was then he'd have been breaking it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the best thing to do is not post it on here with your pictures.

Appreciate your angered and more... bit here won't help matey.

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By *vpamelaTV/TS
over a year ago

kinkville

"Been in your shoes!! Oh my.

Whatever you do, don't stop him seeing her! Just keep being the bigger person. Do whatever is in your power to do the right thing.

My daughter is now 16 and sees her father for what he is. Just always do what is right for your child in your power. If he can't do the same it will come back to haunt him.

Good luck x"

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Admin don't like people copying a whole article onto the forum. If you can't put the link into the forum PM it to the person please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I grew up in these circumstances. It took me years to figure out for myself that the parent I lived with was constantly in one way or another trying to control or manipulate my relationship with the other parent.

When your daughter is older she probably won't care very much about martial arts or swimming but she will care about her Dad if he shows her love through this no matter what else he does.

Be very careful that she does not judge you in a way that will upset you in the future Op. It's difficult, it's unfair but it's life.

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By *immyb1985Man
over a year ago

bridgend

If she wants to do it then he should be taking her. It's her hobbys not yours.

He sounds like a cunt

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Admin don't like people copying a whole article onto the forum. If you can't put the link into the forum PM it to the person please"

PM me tomorrow if you want the link Empress, i'll send it when you're online. it pretty much confirmed everything you're doing now is the best way to go but had a bit of extra info on changing a few things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately at times there is no reasoning with some people. This sounds like bullying manipulative behaviour.

Cancel his visit and write a letter explaining you tried to compromise, and explain that his behaviour is causing you 'alarm and distress'. (Important wording) Remember a child will pick up on the hurt being caused to their parent, it can affect their self esteem as they will possibly feel responsibility. Poor mental health for a parent can have adverse effects.

You need to stop this. If daughter wants to do the badge offer her the choice and say you will make arrangements if that's what she wants.

Tell him you've cancelled his visit as she's doing the badge end of, and withdraw the swap offer. He might threaten a solicitor, it'll go to mediation before court, where you can raise with the mediator or solicitor his bullying behaviour. From what you've said (and we've only heard your side) he won't be looked upon favourably in mediation or court. If you stop the visits the onus is one him and it will cost him. I agree with the poster who says curtail his time with her. It's detrimental. No parent is better than a lousy one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As there's a court order already I'm sure you know too well that the main objective and repeated sentence throughout court is ' the child's best interests are paramount '.

The op seems to have a wide variety of clubs her child goes to and has for numerous years. Which is beneficial for her child's social and physical wellbeing. Her child obviously enjoys these lessons and as a parent it can be a ball ache fitting classes in remembering what's when and paying so this shouldn't be a negative for the op it's a good thing.

The people who are saying he shouldn't have to do what the op wants on his weekends, what aren't you getting? It's what the child wants to do and the op is informing the father of what and where she's supposed to be. If he can't take a few hours out of his weekend to take his daughter to her social activities shame on him. Shouldn't he want to see her and how well she's doing most absent dads would love the chance to see their child doing something they are good at and enjoy and to be part of it. The karate grading is a one off it's pathetic he won't take her, the child has obviously worked hard to get a belt and should be allowed to get the gratification from receiving it.

And all the comments suggesting they'd rather their kids dad just see their kids, your missing the point this father has a court order for visits, he has every other weekend and a weekday so he is seeing her regularly so therefore should adapt his time for his daughters activities. It's not the op dictating dos and donts just informing of their daughters schedule. Which is in the best interest of the child to have as little disruption to her normal routine. The op shouldn't have to comfort her child when she returns cause the dad didn't take her to her normal routine activities, but being a mum you do and it's horrible when your child's upset and you have to make excuses for someone else's shitty attitude. The good thing is that at least she knows she can come to you op and cry as she knows she can trust you, it's more worrying when they don't and keep their emotions in.

And like someone said previously he isn't just baby sitting when he has her he should be parenting whether that be treats, holidays or dealing with naughtiness.

The money situation, again I think you should contact csa, he may pay for her when he has her but the rest of the time the responsibility shouldn't always fall on you. Financially his obligations don't stop when he drops her off they carry on throughout her life. And it's not all about the money and blah blah I would rather my kids saw their dad than money. This is a totally different senecio he is seeing his daughter regularly and he is spending time with her so it's not unreasonable to expect her to be financially supported too. I mean I'm assuming the op feeds and clothes her pays for transport her hobbies her school uniforms each year that aren't cheap gas and electric etc.

And instead of you going to court to amend the order and pay, if you took her to her grading and informed your ex your taking her he's free to come and watch and then take her or he doesn't have her that weekend. If he really doesn't like it let him be the one to take you back to court and then he pays the fees. It's not ideal but it saves you the cost.

Also your child could have a calendar that she designs herself with her favourite things on including the days of all her hobbies and then ring the ones that fall on his weekends and make sure she has her swim kit with her in the hope that a visual aid might make him realise it's important to your daughter.

But it's hard hats off to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As there's a court order already I'm sure you know too well that the main objective and repeated sentence throughout court is ' the child's best interests are paramount '.

And like someone said previously he isn't just baby sitting when he has her he should be parenting whether that be treats, holidays or dealing with naughtiness.

But it's hard hats off to you.

My god, you got every single point I try and make! Got a bit upset reading that if I'm honest because it's exactly how I feel and how I try and explain things.

He says that he shouldn't have to do what I want on the weekends that he has her, what I want!! Like he's having to make me swimming for Christ sake.

Even a couple of months back when we were staying at my mums whilst I was in between moving, all of our stuff was in storage which includes everything that was inside our kitchen cupboards which included lunch boxes and things like that. It was February and my daughter was dinners in school (like she is in the colder months) anyway she had a school trip on the Thursday and straight from school on the Wednesday we quickly went shopping for stuff for her packed lunch. Came back to my mums to wait for him to pick her up and just before he got there I thought shit, don't have her lunchbox stuff. Now when he picks her up on a Wednesday they go for food somewhere, usually in a huge shopping complex where there's loads of stores. I said to my daughter when you're out ask Daddy to buy you a lunchbox for your trip she said ok. She came back and I said where's your lunchbox she said she asked him and he said tell Mammy to buy it for you!

Makes me angry then for even thinking of asking him in the first place, I'd already paid the £10 for the trip already spent about that on stuff for the packed lunch what with fruit and everything but no he said ask Mammy to buy you one. Made me feel like a scrubber, it was more a case of convenience if my sister or mother had been heading out to a shopping centre I would've said to them can you pick up a lunchbox for her. I wish then that I'd given my daughter some money to buy one herself.

That's just one of many things like that and it's also why I don't like to ask him anything, I know someone said I shouldn't expect my daughter at age 7 to ask him things but the feeling I get when he says no to things I wish I'd not asked in the first place. That's why I tell her that she should ask him things herself. When I find out that she's asked him and he's not done it like the swimming lessons and she comes home upset, it's horrible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read most of this last night and can't remember if you said, sorry OP.

Have you sat down with the ex and your daughter to discuss it? Not like in passing when he's picking her up. Like have a milkshake all 3 of you.

She's old enough to say what she wants but not old enough to have to deal with his shit. If you can speak to him like an adult (even though he won't behave like one) and he can hear from her that she wants to do the things, maybe he will be better.

He's emotionally abusing you. You can get help for that. Look up Women's Aid and help on emotional abuse. He's using her to hurt you. You are both important here, it's not just about her. x

If he's still an arse after you've all sat down then you could talk to her about how he wants to spend time with her as he doesn't see her much and say that's why he won't take her to classes. Say that it's not that he doesn't care about her.

Tell your ex she loves spending time with him and she wants to be able to show him how good she is at swimming etc. Possibly true but word it so that it feeds his ego. It may be little white lies but if it works they will both be happy.

If he's still a cunt and won't take her, unfortunately you will need to be the bigger person and explain to her that sometimes we can't do everything we want to but he still loves her. She's only 7 and shouldn't have to deal with his shit. Be nice to him in front of her and save the hate and tears when you're with your mum and she's not around. She won't be 7 forever. Give her a happy childhood, as she grows up she'll see what he's like.

It hurts so do get support. He's trying to hurt you not her.

Also try and forget what he said in the court papers. You had a lovely relationship back then so keep those memories. He probably said shit in the papers to hurt you. I've had the same and as years pass you may even get an apology of sorts- one day he will admit you had fun together back then.

Hang in there, you're not alone. xx

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Yeah not paying maintenance what's that all about.?

She's his daughter too and needs to provide for her it's the law.

I would rather my daughters dad be there emotionally and physically than financially. Kids dont necessarily need material things.. they need the love, support and commitment from parents.

Speaking from experience here."

This is far more important, from a mother who has two children, whos father died when they were young.

Time, love and support matters most and is essential. Leisure activities are second.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know people will say 'well we only got her side' and yeah we did but I don't think they'd be anything gained from writing an essay of lies! (jk about the essay).

It just sounds like he only wants to do the fun stuff that he can do too like Alton towers etc, which is great but then there has to be a balance with her normal activities. I wondered if he takes his new gf with him on his weekends too? Which I get as they are together etc, but if she cant handle the mundane stuff that parents do well that's selfish, but I don't know about that side.

And I always found it sad when I'd take my kids to play centres at the weekends or the cinema (cause it's cheaper for early mornings)and FYI at the time I was a single mum with 2 kids who don't see their father and it was just the three of us and I did join in, the majority would be dads on there own with their kids. At the play centres you'd see them sitting on their phones or with papers and hear them say to the kids 'you'll be going back to your mums soon' when all the kids want is them to go on the slide with them or trampolines. I understand that not all absent parents do this before anyone slates me it's just my observation. And it's great if their being hands on while there doing these things but if it's just to kill time or try to impress new partners it's ashame. And kids will remember the time they went and played on their own while dad was on his phone etc. They will remember the times that something was important to them (the child) but didn't get to go or join in.

They call it co parenting for a reason so if it arises that she needs something last minute on his days he should want to help it's not like your asking him to get some shoes for you to go out. It's for his daughter. And who doesn't like lunch box shopping there's so many different ones now and even now my daughter and I like looking at them and she doesn't even need one, but the fun and bonding is looking at them and your daughter feeling special about the one she picked. It's surprising what kids remember, all the big holidays or expensive gifts don't seem to stick in a child's memory, yet the times they were made to laugh over jokes about a minion lunch box or singing in the car to songs or seeing a picture of when it was grading and her dad was there.

It sounds cold and silly, but always keep a separate diary like an actual paper one, and then write in it days he missed, times your daughter was upset or when important things hobbies wishes for her weren't followed through. Yes some may say it's sad, but that I'm afraid is the court system they want proof of negatives as well as positives.

I know people also have opinions on 'you do realise your daughter can sense the tension and hostility' babies can feel emotions in the womb but that doesn't mean you have to be a robot and show no emotions. Yeah don't slag him off or say negative things about him around her cause the chances are they will remember and end up telling the other parent mummy said your stupid or worse, so to send her inside while you talk to him slightly heated or not there's nothing wrong with that. Children need to experience all emotions to know it's ok to feel them and that it's not just them but importantly that they have someone they can trust to get comfort from if they don't know how to deal with emotions. And I'm not saying have arguments in front of her etc before that gets thrown my way. But even kids tv programmes now deal with emotions good or bad, cause kids need to express them and know it's alright to feel them and then how to deal with them and be reassured. This is why there's still an issue with boys as they grow up and don't get upset or cry (yes girls do too, but it's still the majority of males) I'd hate to think my son thinks he can't cry in front of me and isn't getting the comfort we all need when we are upset. Think of all the films or programmes aimed at kids and the range of emotions they show yes in a child friendly way but that's what it takes. God Petes dragon: his parents die in the first ten minutes, Up: they fall in love can't have a baby need money and she dies in the first 15 mins, the boy has a dad who he doesn't see, Zootropolis: the bunny gets picked on and made to feel different. I could go on. But I'm sure you get it!

. It's about empowering children they have rights too even from 4 years old at nursery they get taught to use your voice if another child hits you or hurts you and tell them it makes you sad and too stop. Is that wrong? A child's voice matters. The end.

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

We have only heard one side of the story your side and we must say you sound very wound up about him.

Perhaps this is clouding the situation.

It would be very easy for us to agree with you and say he is a cunt but things often look very different from the other side.

Are there other kickboxing clubs she could go to?

Does she want to do all the activities mentioned or is it a way to get out of the house in order to relax for a couple of hours.

Is there a possibility of arbitration where you and your ex could sit down with a third aprty and discuss your daughter's wants and needs peacefully rather than ranting at each other?

Could you then talk to each other as above but with your daughter present in order to come to a solution that is best for her rather than what you two adults want?

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

Keep it legal and go through the CSA.

If you know where he lives and works just give them the details.

They will then set a deductions of earnings order on his wages direct with his employer.

Like what has been said keep it clean and away from your daughter let the CSA deal with any case you may have as they have the power to incite court action if nothing is done.

Sorry folks if i sound like a bitch but i was in the same scenario 10 years ago.

All you want is whats best for your kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

During my divorce even though my wife and I were hardly talking the children always come first neither of us put our own feelings before our children . Hope you can get him to understand this

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I would have thought as your child wants to keep doing the activities that he would do what your child wanted. If she didn't want to do them when she is with her dad I would say thats fine also.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's been to court, the point of being able to sit in a room and talk has long passed. He wouldn't even attend mediation when it was him taking me to court. He wouldn't attend a joint meeting that was arranged with the cafcass officer, all of this went in the section 7 report saying how uncooperative he's been throughout the whole process, yet they still recommended he have her for the times he was proposing albeit an earlier home time on a Sunday of 5pm rather than his 7pm (she's 7, she has a bedtime routine before school) His girlfriend is always there when he picks her up and on weekends and when they go places but it's been like that since my daughter was 5 months old, his girlfriend is known to my daughter, my daughter adores her and if I had a choice I would deal with her rather than my ex but she has no influence over him and I don't think she can see things from my side or try and reason with him or even if she did he'd never listen to anyone.

I know there's normally 3 sides to a story, my side his side and the truth, but with me I'll just give all the details as they are and in chronological order because I don't care what people think of me, all I want is unbiased advice and you can't get accurate advice if you don't give all the facts of a situation.

Obviously I'm withholding a massive chunk of information and that's the reason why court proceedings were started against me in the first place. I've explained that it's only been the last year that he decided to take me to court, I've explained how he's been with his girlfriend for 7 years without problems from me so it's not a case of stopping contact because the ex doesn't like the new girlfriend. It's a valid reason which any normal parent would have done in the same circumstance but for the sake of this thread remaining I won't go into details because it involves criminal proceedings with someone in his family. But my daughter is fine nothing's happened to her or else I would be doing time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would have thought as your child wants to keep doing the activities that he would do what your child wanted. If she didn't want to do them when she is with her dad I would say thats fine also."

My mistake is treating him like a normal human being and expecting him to understand things but I can't stress enough how much he hates me and thinks everything is an angenda. Like he always says "I'm not doing the things you want to do" it's not me wanting to do things it's my daughter!

Absolute knob jockey.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I have similar with my children.

Is your daughter willing to tell him she wants to do the grading?

The only time my ex has altered days for important things is when the child themselves have told him.

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

ok OP , I see you're frustration. Your ex, in my opinion should do what is best for his daughter.

Important to her, is maybe not so important to him. . . He should grow up and strengthen the father/daughter relationship not destroy it.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I would have thought as your child wants to keep doing the activities that he would do what your child wanted. If she didn't want to do them when she is with her dad I would say thats fine also.

Absolute knob jockey. "

Going by your other post you don't communicate much with him, I know this sounds old fashioned, but maybe try writing him a letter/ E-mail rather than face to face and write down how you feel about how you are both dealing with the situation and how if you work together it can only be a positive for the child you have together. ( I am going to say both as it could be because of the situation you are not being too friendly when you do see him )

Sometimes when you are calm and not in a stressful situation you will take things in better, so reading it in black and white might help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Od do what was in the best interests of your daughter, if he's causing her upset through his behaviour then tell him so and explain that you're swapping the weekends. Your looking after her, you have ultimate responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Need to look at this from another angle, not you asking but your kid. He's putting a fence up that you will. It break at the moment

Or you could offer him a bj you are fit as fuck lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Need to look at this from another angle, not you asking but your kid. He's putting a fence up that you will. It break at the moment

Or you could offer him a bj you are fit as fuck lol"

If I had his cock in my mouth I would bite it off from the base and beat him round the face with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant comment as this gets me so fucking angry!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I cant comment as this gets me so fucking angry!

Makes me angry too, in what way are you angry?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I cant comment as this gets me so fucking angry!

You just did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A parent being a cock at the cost of their child, should keep there cock in their pants if they cant commit and sacrifice for their child!

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

What happened with this? Did she get to her grading? Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What happened with this? Did she get to her grading? Xx"

Yeah I kept her home and took her myself, he picked her up after it but didn't take her to her swimming lesson on the Sunday!

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"What happened with this? Did she get to her grading? Xx

Yeah I kept her home and took her myself, he picked her up after it but didn't take her to her swimming lesson on the Sunday! "

What. A. Waster.

Hope she did well xx

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Wow. Ive not read the whole thread but i think the thread title sums him up after reading your original post.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What happened with this? Did she get to her grading? Xx

Yeah I kept her home and took her myself, he picked her up after it but didn't take her to her swimming lesson on the Sunday!

What. A. Waster.

Hope she did well xx"

Yeah she got her belt. Just have to do it all again in another 3 months!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's a fool in every sense. A dad should want to spend every god given minute with their kids even if it's standing/sitting on the side cheering them on. And he's a absolute dick for not still being with you. I don't know the story and it's none of my business but I get the feeling he again was a dick and messed hence he lost you. You are so so beautiful. You're better off without that scum bag and as harsh as it may sound, so is your daughter. Every child needs their dad but not of they can't even encourage thier development and appreciate they love for activities. Scum bag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What happened with this? Did she get to her grading? Xx

Yeah I kept her home and took her myself, he picked her up after it but didn't take her to her swimming lesson on the Sunday!

What. A. Waster.

Hope she did well xx

Yeah she got her belt. Just have to do it all again in another 3 months! "

Well done to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To call him a man is a complete misnomer. He's a shit head.

Hope one day she realises it. Twat!

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By *mber GamblerCouple
over a year ago

rugby

He's being an idiot. He's making his daughter miss out to get at you. That is not being a good dad. Personally i would take her to the grading if that's what your daughter wants to do. Because it doesn't happen very often. Or tell the venue as they may change it. My venue would. Your daughter will resent him for this later on.

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By *mber GamblerCouple
over a year ago

rugby

Also on the swimming. Does he want her to drown if she falls in lake????. What a complete tosser. Willing to risk her life to get at you. I've been with a man like this. It doesn't end up turning out well for the dad.

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

"Stop him from seeing her.

and the daughter suffers

I doubt it "

Actually, it's better for the daughter to be exposed to his selfish and twatty behaviour.

Let her make her own mind up about him. That way he knows he only had himself to blame.

She'll get to an age when she has a choice of seeing him, and she'll not want to go. His loss. If you stop the kid seeing her father, she'll ask why and blame the mother for making it unpainted to have a relationship with him. He wins and the mother / daughter lose out.

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

*Impossible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know your pain. I have my kids 50/50 and I work around her shifts to make it easier for her.

I pay for my son to attend a drama school and over the last 2 years I have spent over £4k on this. If he is with her on Friday night it should fall on her to take him but she won't so I can rarely make plans for my free Saturdays. She says she can't afford to pay but I have made it clear multiple times that I pay by DD every month and I've even offered to pay her well over the cost of fuel for the 60 miles round trip.

She refuses, even when my car was in for repair I had to borrow my then girlfriends car.

She is a bad person ha

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By *octor DeleriumMan
over a year ago

Wellingborough

"Actually, it's better for the daughter to be exposed to his selfish and twatty behaviour.

Let her make her own mind up about him. That way he knows he only had himself to blame.

Exactly.

If you have any fragments of him lying around your home; hair, skin particles, unpleasant and hard to get out stains, get in touch.

I have genuine Voodoo Dolls.

Dr Nasty

Because.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Have you made any progress with him? Ask your lawyer if he's still being unreasonable.

My kids are older now but had the same issues when they were younger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hopefully he will grow up soon and see it now should be about his child not revenge on you. Sooner or later she will just say she doesn't want to see him . As soon as that happens straight to court . Court welfare officer will take her feelings on board then the court will see he is unreasonable. As a father I do my very best for my kids. They come first no matter what. But my ex makes me jump through hoops most of the time. But I put up with everything because I may be her ex, but I am my sons dad. Ppl who use their kids to score points are disgusting. Good luck op hope things get sorted quickly for all your sakes

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