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Emotional Pain

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Unfortunately you can't take a paracetamol for it. You can't turn your mind off to it and it is possible to drown in your own thoughts. Dealing with emotional pain isn't easy and the causes reflect that. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster this week and not entirely because of my own pain. I feel pain for those I love and care about too. Sometimes it can be overwhelming and draining. My way of dealing with it in the past was to run away from the situation causing the pain. Not exactly dealing with it but worked for me at the time. I now deal with it head on, I will talk about it with the person it involves. This seems to be a far more conducive and adult way to deal with it. It can cause more pain initially but on the whole it resolves the situation, there is a conclusion.

How do you deal with emotional pain?

What is the biggest cause of your emotional pain?

Do you think you could deal with it better?

Do you avoid situations to prevent emotional pain?

Have you got into a situation unexpectedly that has caused you emotional pain?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's horrendous

I went through something hotrible before Christmas that caused me the most horrendous emotional and psychological agony I had ever felt in my entire life and it has taking a long long time for that pain to start to ease.

I don't have any words of wisdom except that time does make it easier. I wouldn't wish feeling like that on my worst enemy xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh gosh, I'm smack bang in the middle of the biggest emotional pain ever. Worse than my marriage break up. I don't know how I'm dealing with it, trying to keep things normal.

I'm not good at talking about things so find that hard. Have a couple of people I can talk to and that's good. I have to think things through and get it straight in my own mind before I can then let it out. But crying and cleaning helps me to get it out. I'm not good at letting people help me, I get through it and then think after how the hell did I manage x

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

Deal with it? Hide generally until I'm in a frame of mind to handle things rationally. Sometimes it'll take a day or two to get to that point... sometimes it takes considerably longer.

Friends though can really help to get through it.. Especially bossy Pink ones who drag you out of hiding and make you talk about things

As for avoiding it... That's impossible... emotional pain comes in many forms and because its caused by other people you can't control when or where its going to happen. Unless you want to be a hermit... That might work..

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"It's horrendous

I went through something hotrible before Christmas that caused me the most horrendous emotional and psychological agony I had ever felt in my entire life and it has taking a long long time for that pain to start to ease.

I don't have any words of wisdom except that time does make it easier. I wouldn't wish feeling like that on my worst enemy xx"

I'm glad time is starting ease the pain xxx

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Oh gosh, I'm smack bang in the middle of the biggest emotional pain ever. Worse than my marriage break up. I don't know how I'm dealing with it, trying to keep things normal.

I'm not good at talking about things so find that hard. Have a couple of people I can talk to and that's good. I have to think things through and get it straight in my own mind before I can then let it out. But crying and cleaning helps me to get it out. I'm not good at letting people help me, I get through it and then think after how the hell did I manage x "

Do you ever ask for help?

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Deal with it? Hide generally until I'm in a frame of mind to handle things rationally. Sometimes it'll take a day or two to get to that point... sometimes it takes considerably longer.

Friends though can really help to get through it.. Especially bossy Pink ones who drag you out of hiding and make you talk about things

As for avoiding it... That's impossible... emotional pain comes in many forms and because its caused by other people you can't control when or where its going to happen. Unless you want to be a hermit... That might work.. "

Bugger I thought you hadn't noticed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sit on it and try to bury it as far down as I can.

Is this healthy? I very much doubt it but it's the only way I know. So could I deal with it better? I think the answer is yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh gosh, I'm smack bang in the middle of the biggest emotional pain ever. Worse than my marriage break up. I don't know how I'm dealing with it, trying to keep things normal.

I'm not good at talking about things so find that hard. Have a couple of people I can talk to and that's good. I have to think things through and get it straight in my own mind before I can then let it out. But crying and cleaning helps me to get it out. I'm not good at letting people help me, I get through it and then think after how the hell did I manage x

Do you ever ask for help? "

No I don't, my ex was emotionally abusive so everything was kept secret and that's a hard habit to break. But the fact that I've even told someone is a step forward. I've always been the type to keep things to myself and know it's not good. Sometimes to heal you have to share x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'll take take this one - Have you got into a situation unexpectedly that has caused you emotional pain?

The answer is yes, very recently, and it has been hard for me to find a balance and be able to emotionally manage the situation, but I wouldn’t swap the recent experience and subsequent friendship for all the tea in china. Do I avoid situations… they always seem to find me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/06/17 19:31:18]

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs."

Miscommunication now there's something I've witnessed in abundance this week, if only we thought about how our actions impact others. Better still communicate them properly in the first place rather than leaving ambiguity or room for misinterpretation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grief in my life has caused me the greatest emotional pain.

Having my heart broken has hurt but nothing on the scale of losing people I loved without the chance of ever seeing them again.

I face it head on and I'd say I'm a good listener when other people go through it.

When you lose someone, one of the things you notice is people cross the road because they don't know what to say. It feels much better for you to talk about loss and your feelings. I am maybe too direct about that kind of thing sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bit like you OP I have an ability to pick up other's pain. So much so that I can experience the symptoms. With some education and development I realised I could manage it, having dealt with some of my own emotional baggage that used to get 'hooked', along the way. Now I use the physical sensations I experience when with them as data, rather than thinking the pain is mine, As a result I am both, more useful to them in terms of helping them through it and helping them no longer drains me of my own energy. In short I learnt to manage the boundary between myself and others better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i can block it out so that i can function at work but inside and alone just fall apart - i do attract people to tell me their woes to the point a few people wonder why - as they never open up to people usually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs.

Miscommunication now there's something I've witnessed in abundance this week, if only we thought about how our actions impact others. Better still communicate them properly in the first place rather than leaving ambiguity or room for misinterpretation "

Agreed. But again there isn't always that luxury. I think communication is as important in when miscommunication occurs -- the working through of a situation -- but often that's where people are "fixed". You cannot always get it pre-emptively right or you'd not communicate at all, and that's my point, others may interpret something you think is properly communicated differently, you can't assume there's a right and wrong way to communicate, that's half the issue. The humility to own your accountability when miscommunication happens though is key.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

I hide it need I can and distract myself. Sometimes very much with the wrong things. Had a something of a nervous breakdown couple years ago after a really bad break up so try and avoid getting hurt like the plague (easier said than done at times)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit like you OP I have an ability to pick up other's pain. So much so that I can experience the symptoms. With some education and development I realised I could manage it, having dealt with some of my own emotional baggage that used to get 'hooked', along the way. Now I use the physical sensations I experience when with them as data, rather than thinking the pain is mine, As a result I am both, more useful to them in terms of helping them through it and helping them no longer drains me of my own energy. In short I learnt to manage the boundary between myself and others better."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs.

Miscommunication now there's something I've witnessed in abundance this week, if only we thought about how our actions impact others. Better still communicate them properly in the first place rather than leaving ambiguity or room for misinterpretation

Agreed. But again there isn't always that luxury. I think communication is as important in when miscommunication occurs -- the working through of a situation -- but often that's where people are "fixed". You cannot always get it pre-emptively right or you'd not communicate at all, and that's my point, others may interpret something you think is properly communicated differently, you can't assume there's a right and wrong way to communicate, that's half the issue. The humility to own your accountability when miscommunication happens though is key. "

I like to presuppose that the meaning of communication is the response I get (as much as possible - I don't do it as well with my loved ones as I do with others). That means I'm more likely to need to find a way to adjust my communication to communicate my intent more clearly to them than expect them to change for me. It's always a better investment of time and energy to change myself than try to change others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs.

Miscommunication now there's something I've witnessed in abundance this week, if only we thought about how our actions impact others. Better still communicate them properly in the first place rather than leaving ambiguity or room for misinterpretation

Agreed. But again there isn't always that luxury. I think communication is as important in when miscommunication occurs -- the working through of a situation -- but often that's where people are "fixed". You cannot always get it pre-emptively right or you'd not communicate at all, and that's my point, others may interpret something you think is properly communicated differently, you can't assume there's a right and wrong way to communicate, that's half the issue. The humility to own your accountability when miscommunication happens though is key.

I like to presuppose that the meaning of communication is the response I get (as much as possible - I don't do it as well with my loved ones as I do with others). That means I'm more likely to need to find a way to adjust my communication to communicate my intent more clearly to them than expect them to change for me. It's always a better investment of time and energy to change myself than try to change others.

"

I don't disagree with that. It doesn't rule out that miscommunication can still happen though. And that communication is a back and forth to understand each other and not everyone really wants to truly hear everyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs.

Miscommunication now there's something I've witnessed in abundance this week, if only we thought about how our actions impact others. Better still communicate them properly in the first place rather than leaving ambiguity or room for misinterpretation

Agreed. But again there isn't always that luxury. I think communication is as important in when miscommunication occurs -- the working through of a situation -- but often that's where people are "fixed". You cannot always get it pre-emptively right or you'd not communicate at all, and that's my point, others may interpret something you think is properly communicated differently, you can't assume there's a right and wrong way to communicate, that's half the issue. The humility to own your accountability when miscommunication happens though is key.

I like to presuppose that the meaning of communication is the response I get (as much as possible - I don't do it as well with my loved ones as I do with others). That means I'm more likely to need to find a way to adjust my communication to communicate my intent more clearly to them than expect them to change for me. It's always a better investment of time and energy to change myself than try to change others.

I don't disagree with that. It doesn't rule out that miscommunication can still happen though. And that communication is a back and forth to understand each other and not everyone really wants to truly hear everyone else. "

Of course, however in a spirit of inquiry I find that opening myself up to the possibility of change allows me to hear others more clearly without holding to the idea that my thinking as right for them. We all dance to a different drummer

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Grief in my life has caused me the greatest emotional pain.

Having my heart broken has hurt but nothing on the scale of losing people I loved without the chance of ever seeing them again.

I face it head on and I'd say I'm a good listener when other people go through it.

When you lose someone, one of the things you notice is people cross the road because they don't know what to say. It feels much better for you to talk about loss and your feelings. I am maybe too direct about that kind of thing sometimes.

"

I can see this from both sides, personally I wouldn't cross the road but understand why others would. Sometimes it's difficult for someone to feel they can adequately talk with another about their loss x

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I wish I could deal with mine better. I'm an emotional eater whenever things are painful I turn to food for comfort. My grandads passed away around 8 weeks ago and I've had a rotten run of luck since and tried so hard not to give into foingbit but I have and I've put nearly 3 stone back on in that time. I getting through it now though and finally shedding the pounds again

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"I sit on it and try to bury it as far down as I can.

Is this healthy? I very much doubt it but it's the only way I know. So could I deal with it better? I think the answer is yes."

I think we all have a lot to learn me included x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs.

Miscommunication now there's something I've witnessed in abundance this week, if only we thought about how our actions impact others. Better still communicate them properly in the first place rather than leaving ambiguity or room for misinterpretation

Agreed. But again there isn't always that luxury. I think communication is as important in when miscommunication occurs -- the working through of a situation -- but often that's where people are "fixed". You cannot always get it pre-emptively right or you'd not communicate at all, and that's my point, others may interpret something you think is properly communicated differently, you can't assume there's a right and wrong way to communicate, that's half the issue. The humility to own your accountability when miscommunication happens though is key.

I like to presuppose that the meaning of communication is the response I get (as much as possible - I don't do it as well with my loved ones as I do with others). That means I'm more likely to need to find a way to adjust my communication to communicate my intent more clearly to them than expect them to change for me. It's always a better investment of time and energy to change myself than try to change others.

I don't disagree with that. It doesn't rule out that miscommunication can still happen though. And that communication is a back and forth to understand each other and not everyone really wants to truly hear everyone else.

Of course, however in a spirit of inquiry I find that opening myself up to the possibility of change allows me to hear others more clearly without holding to the idea that my thinking as right for them. We all dance to a different drummer "

And that's exactly what I try to do too, and was some of my point. In the spirit of good communication are you thinking I am not saying the same thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the things we are all prone to doing is to assume we understand other people's meanings and intents without asking for them to clarify and then putting the work in to really hear them, especially if what they're saying stings. And then we're not great at accepting that another's opinion is no more or less valid or correct than ours. Life isn't fair, sometimes things don't work out the way we would like, and you know what -- that's really okay.

Emotional pain is often miscommunication, or things not working out the way we hoped. And the word miscommunication lightens, perhaps oversimplifies, my meaning -- there can be malintent in another's words or actions, I think we do jump there and assume it is far too quickly sometimes though, rather than taking time to understand another person's view. Additionally, if someone is really intentionally wanting to cause hurt -- why not instead think about how on earth they ended up in that toxic a mindset, and for me -- thinking of it like that makes my emotional response hurt less as I start to feel sadness for them, or realise they don't actually have the power to hurt me.

I wish people would take more time to think about other people's hurts. Rather than making it about the context of themselves. Sighs.

Miscommunication now there's something I've witnessed in abundance this week, if only we thought about how our actions impact others. Better still communicate them properly in the first place rather than leaving ambiguity or room for misinterpretation

Agreed. But again there isn't always that luxury. I think communication is as important in when miscommunication occurs -- the working through of a situation -- but often that's where people are "fixed". You cannot always get it pre-emptively right or you'd not communicate at all, and that's my point, others may interpret something you think is properly communicated differently, you can't assume there's a right and wrong way to communicate, that's half the issue. The humility to own your accountability when miscommunication happens though is key.

I like to presuppose that the meaning of communication is the response I get (as much as possible - I don't do it as well with my loved ones as I do with others). That means I'm more likely to need to find a way to adjust my communication to communicate my intent more clearly to them than expect them to change for me. It's always a better investment of time and energy to change myself than try to change others.

I don't disagree with that. It doesn't rule out that miscommunication can still happen though. And that communication is a back and forth to understand each other and not everyone really wants to truly hear everyone else.

Of course, however in a spirit of inquiry I find that opening myself up to the possibility of change allows me to hear others more clearly without holding to the idea that my thinking as right for them. We all dance to a different drummer

And that's exactly what I try to do too, and was some of my point. In the spirit of good communication are you thinking I am not saying the same thing?"

No that's good I'm just making sure by expressing it a different way we are talking about the same thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Of course, however in a spirit of inquiry I find that opening myself up to the possibility of change allows me to hear others more clearly without holding to the idea that my thinking as right for them. We all dance to a different drummer

And that's exactly what I try to do too, and was some of my point. In the spirit of good communication are you thinking I am not saying the same thing?

No that's good I'm just making sure by expressing it a different way we are talking about the same thing "

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

To me, P, it makes you realise you are alive.

While not nice, there is an element of if you don't recognise the lows how can you embrace the highs.

There is a passage in the Phrophet that embraces this, I cannot bring to mind which story it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So much navel gazing.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"So much navel gazing."

Possibly, then again how would you no.

Wouldn't bet on fish being the first creature to discover water...

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"So much navel gazing.

Possibly, then again how would you no.

Wouldn't bet on fish being the first creature to discover water..."
know even, need a phone that can talk to my dyslexia

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By *arahandmatCouple
over a year ago

Wrexham

Unfortunately my dealing with emotional pain is to bottle it up and remain strong for eveyone else. So it's not so much dealing with it, more putting it to one side until I'm allowed to deal with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my Dad then my partner within six months of each other and both sudden 2and a half years ago and I really fell apart when Dad passed away I had never experienced pain like it and then to lose my partner I shut myself away I didn't dress wash eat or get.out of bed and when I think back I really doubted my sanity

It's made me a much stronger person and I now live everyday under a cloud of pain that I'm still hiding

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"So much navel gazing."

Reflection is a very tool for growth and development, I can recommend the use of Gibbs reflective cycle

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By *rowleyMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I bottle it all up until it spills over.

I know it's not healthy and I try not to, but something I cab't help it.

I try and control it better these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So much navel gazing."

How so?

Navel gazing implies over contemplating oneself or an issue at the expense of the wider view -- what's the wider view you're aware of that a discussion others are having is missing?

Or were you just trying to be antagonistic?

Don't mind either way, just clarifying your intent...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wish I could deal with mine better. I'm an emotional eater whenever things are painful I turn to food for comfort. My grandads passed away around 8 weeks ago and I've had a rotten run of luck since and tried so hard not to give into foingbit but I have and I've put nearly 3 stone back on in that time. I getting through it now though and finally shedding the pounds again "

3 stone in 8 weeks? I wouldn't say that it's noticeable in your photos. So I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"I wish I could deal with mine better. I'm an emotional eater whenever things are painful I turn to food for comfort. My grandads passed away around 8 weeks ago and I've had a rotten run of luck since and tried so hard not to give into foingbit but I have and I've put nearly 3 stone back on in that time. I getting through it now though and finally shedding the pounds again

3 stone in 8 weeks? I wouldn't say that it's noticeable in your photos. So I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.

"

No but I've always been one to thankfully carry it well I can notice a difference in my clothes and they way they're fitting

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

Grief has been the cause of most of my emotional pain. But that's life right?

I deal with it by working and avoidance. I keep busy, I don't talk about it, don't look at pictures etc etc. Not ideal. There are times when things just spill out but I don't feel better when that happens so why do it? I have to be strong and don't want to show my vulnerability. I don't actually want to confront feelings that hurt me to talk or think about. Grief is a difficult lonely road to travel but you do come out the other side eventually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unfortunately you can't take a paracetamol for it. You can't turn your mind off to it and it is possible to drown in your own thoughts. Dealing with emotional pain isn't easy and the causes reflect that. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster this week and not entirely because of my own pain. I feel pain for those I love and care about too. Sometimes it can be overwhelming and draining. My way of dealing with it in the past was to run away from the situation causing the pain. Not exactly dealing with it but worked for me at the time. I now deal with it head on, I will talk about it with the person it involves. This seems to be a far more conducive and adult way to deal with it. It can cause more pain initially but on the whole it resolves the situation, there is a conclusion.

How do you deal with emotional pain?

What is the biggest cause of your emotional pain?

Do you think you could deal with it better?

Do you avoid situations to prevent emotional pain?

Have you got into a situation unexpectedly that has caused you emotional pain?"

I pretended I didn't feel the way I do.

I gave myself reasons and excuses to ignore those feelings.

One day those feelings overrode the excuses and it suddenly seemed to be the right time to admit them. To me and to the woman stood before me.

Yes I avoided my pain for many years but I never realised until recently how much that actually hurt me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a weird mixture . On one hand I'm quite an emotional person . I quite often cry , I've very touchy feely and when I love I'm very verbal with how I feel .

However when it's hurt/ pain I do not want to talk about it . I'll obviously have a chat about it but I don't want to get over the details and I guess I retreat into myself a little . Take a couple of days and then stand up and get on with it .

When I found my ex husband in bed with someone else I didn't tell anyone at all for 24 hrs and then told 1 person only

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just wander off to my man cave...

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Various strategies and I'm sure I could do better - but there's not always an easy way.

I try to learn what I can from situations that have hurt me - if I've not decided to do things differently or learned what I need to do, it hangs around.

I give myself time and space without pressure, to have energy to hurt, rest and recover - and regular similar rest.

I'll spend time with people who are good for me and out in the countryside

I'll also get and do things, including exercise and be productive in my own way and speed.

I aim to balance things, so there's not too much load from anything but also plenty of variety

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville


"i can block it out so that i can function at work but inside and alone just fall apart - i do attract people to tell me their woes to the point a few people wonder why - as they never open up to people usually "

I seem to attract people for this too - not sure why!? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh blimey, where do I start?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh blimey, where do I start?"

At the very beginning.....I've got a little time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh blimey, where do I start?

At the very beginning.....I've got a little time "

Do you need a doctor?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh blimey, where do I start?

At the very beginning.....I've got a little time

Do you need a doctor?"

Only if it's a shrink

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'm not at all religious, but there's quote i've always felt sort of comforted by, something along the lines of 'god will never give you more burdens than you can carry'..and i think to an extent it's true..(substitute 'life' for 'god'!)we're a resilient breed of creatures..most of the time, we can carry pain and still function...and , as trite as my god quote, time is a great healer, you can sometimes carry pain, which still hurts but you can just learn too live with it for a while..until you suddenly realise its not there anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i'm not at all religious, but there's quote i've always felt sort of comforted by, something along the lines of 'god will never give you more burdens than you can carry'..and i think to an extent it's true..(substitute 'life' for 'god'!)we're a resilient breed of creatures..most of the time, we can carry pain and still function...and , as trite as my god quote, time is a great healer, you can sometimes carry pain, which still hurts but you can just learn too live with it for a while..until you suddenly realise its not there anymore"

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By *aughtyinguMan
over a year ago

swindon

Dark chocolate, violent video games, seeing animals can help too

I feel like I'm less of a person now, and I can't replace what was taken from me, which makes me angry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cope with it by setting a time limit on it.

I decide I will be upset for however long, accept it and kind of stop fighting it. Just get your head down and do it. Almost embrace it but always with an end in sight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So much navel gazing."

Such an odd comment.

The emotional pain I feel is often the result of the feeling of letting people down and/or not giving them the treatment they deserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i'm not at all religious, but there's quote i've always felt sort of comforted by, something along the lines of 'god will never give you more burdens than you can carry'..and i think to an extent it's true..(substitute 'life' for 'god'!)we're a resilient breed of creatures..most of the time, we can carry pain and still function...and , as trite as my god quote, time is a great healer, you can sometimes carry pain, which still hurts but you can just learn too live with it for a while..until you suddenly realise its not there anymore"

Totally agree with this. Sometimes in the moment it honestly can feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders but when you look back a few months later or a year later, you realise that you've got through it. I always try and keep that in mind, in a years time life will be different again.

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

I'll admit I've been in emotional turmoil for three years now.

I'm so used to it now, I can't really imagine a life that's not filled with fear, worry and anxiety. It becomes banal and normal to be like that.

The catalyst for me was when a pretty decent job came to an end, although I'd had my struggles before. I felt useless and cast adrift. I had a breakdown.

Unfortunately, I threw in the most unbelievable case of unrequited love into the mix. It sounds crazy, but I thought about that person endlessly for two years. I've never longed for anyone so badly - it was the fact that those feelings arose at a time of great worry about the future that really did for me - a potent mix.

I wrestle with feelings for other friends now I've got over that case; female friends I'm close to and who think the world of me. I'm writing this in the next room to one right now!

Everyone says I'm a great guy - intelligent, funny, engaged with the world and busy doing things. Inside I feel so scared, worried and deeply lonely though - and it gets harder as I get older.

Tbh, arsing about on Fab offers a nice antidote to it though .

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Thank you all for sharing, the guys especially, not easy sharing feelings with anyone. I was as I always do when I start a thread going to respond to you all, but as I started to do that it felt wrong. How we deal with emotional pain is deeply personal and I'm hardly qualified to comment or dig deeper on how others deal with theirs. Nor did I want you to think I was ignoring your heartfelt comments and interactions with each other. A very complexed topic and one that I'm sure I will reflect on regularly as time goes by, maybe I'll even improve how I deal with emotional pain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Beer. It's not the solution. But it wasn't the problem either. I think through things. That normally works. My feelings are intense, sometimes overwhelming. My emotional pain takes a long time to go away. But, I make sure i don't pass it onto anyone else. Time heals doesnt it? That's how I deal with it. I man up/suck it up.

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

When you suffer from emotional pain, it's easy to believe life is playing sick jokes on you when it's really not.

I sat down in a coffee shop yesterday, feeling pretty overwhelmed. I looked up and the woman on the next table caught my eye briefly, then looked away.

This kinda went on for quite a while. I allowed myself to think this might actually be a nice little "moment" - a chance meeting that lead to two slightly adrift people forging a nice connection.

Thought "bugger it, I'll slip her a note". At which point she jumped up and sat down by some bloke. She was clearly on a first date (or even Fab social!) and waiting for the guy to arrive.

I sloped off slightly forlornly.

It isn't life being cruel, it's just the way of things, but it's easy to get in that mindset.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cry. I wallow. I listen to sad songs. I watch sad films. And then i put on my smile and pretend that everything is ok

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville


"Beer. It's not the solution. But it wasn't the problem either. I think through things. That normally works. My feelings are intense, sometimes overwhelming. My emotional pain takes a long time to go away. But, I make sure i don't pass it onto anyone else. Time heals doesnt it? That's how I deal with it. I man up/suck it up. "

Coffee helps too.....

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"I cry. I wallow. I listen to sad songs. I watch sad films. And then i put on my smile and pretend that everything is ok "

Exactly this. I find myself crying over the stupid things that aren't really sad but they flip a switch and then I cry like proper ugly cry.

I don't often cry and rarely in front of others, I found myself sobbing like a twat recently though.

I'm good at the smile mask now. Many years of practice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sad songs, then angry songs then killer heels and strut it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Beer. It's not the solution. But it wasn't the problem either. I think through things. That normally works. My feelings are intense, sometimes overwhelming. My emotional pain takes a long time to go away. But, I make sure i don't pass it onto anyone else. Time heals doesnt it? That's how I deal with it. I man up/suck it up.

Coffee helps too....."

I can suck up coffee.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Sad songs, then angry songs then killer heels and strut it out "

Work it baby, own it.

I find a fast drive helps with loud music. Pedal to the floor kinda job.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sad songs, then angry songs then killer heels and strut it out

Work it baby, own it.

I find a fast drive helps with loud music. Pedal to the floor kinda job."

Driving at 90 round those country lanes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I sit on it and try to bury it as far down as I can.

Is this healthy? I very much doubt it but it's the only way I know. So could I deal with it better? I think the answer is yes."

Im with you on this. I just block it out .. yes i have a cry .. i might think about it for a few days. It may have an effect on me and how i treat people intially but I try and just move on and look at what a great life i do have and how i can improve on that. This is what keeps me focussed not bad feelings. Doesnt mean i dont care, im not going to let my feelings control my life.

Sorry to hear how many of you really are going through a difficult time. x

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

[Removed by poster at 03/06/17 11:39:17]

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough


"I cry. I wallow. I listen to sad songs. I watch sad films. And then i put on my smile and pretend that everything is ok

Exactly this. I find myself crying over the stupid things that aren't really sad but they flip a switch and then I cry like proper ugly cry.

I don't often cry and rarely in front of others, I found myself sobbing like a twat recently though.

I'm good at the smile mask now. Many years of practice."

Then go and get very physical with something or somebody. Fell a tree, fuxx to unconsciousness, just vent as appropriate. Repeat until normality is resumed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I cope with it by setting a time limit on it.

I decide I will be upset for however long, accept it and kind of stop fighting it. Just get your head down and do it. Almost embrace it but always with an end in sight."

I like this.

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"I cope with it by setting a time limit on it.

I decide I will be upset for however long, accept it and kind of stop fighting it. Just get your head down and do it. Almost embrace it but always with an end in sight.

I like this. "

Good lord this is a blast from the past

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I cope with it by setting a time limit on it.

I decide I will be upset for however long, accept it and kind of stop fighting it. Just get your head down and do it. Almost embrace it but always with an end in sight.

I like this.

Good lord this is a blast from the past "

Feck me I can't even remember posting on it

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By *ink Panther. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"I cope with it by setting a time limit on it.

I decide I will be upset for however long, accept it and kind of stop fighting it. Just get your head down and do it. Almost embrace it but always with an end in sight.

I like this.

Good lord this is a blast from the past

Feck me I can't even remember posting on it "

And I don’t deal with emotional pain any better either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I cope with it by setting a time limit on it.

I decide I will be upset for however long, accept it and kind of stop fighting it. Just get your head down and do it. Almost embrace it but always with an end in sight.

I like this.

Good lord this is a blast from the past

Feck me I can't even remember posting on it

And I don’t deal with emotional pain any better either "

Two more of them and you'll be fecked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a pity party, had one last week actually!

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Well I got the weight off that I was talking about putting on through comfort eating after I lost my grandad

So yay me

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Hide the pain and soldier on used to be my way. This messes you up physically though.

I'm in a much better place mentally now so emotional pain is far less likely. If it were to arise I have amazing friends and the strength to face it and deal with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it doesn’t feel like it but you will get through it. In September I had a break down of a relationship and a bereavement of a very close family member. The next month I had another bereavement, this week is the first week where I have felt like me again.

It will always hurt but I know I’m getting stronger each day

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury


"Well I got the weight off that I was talking about putting on through comfort eating after I lost my grandad

So yay me "

Well done you x

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By *oubyLoverWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire


"I have a pity party, had one last week actually! "

Mine depends what the energy is where it is and what it needs. Tonight I feel like it needs beating until I break to release it all. That rarely happens but cathartic when it does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a pity party, had one last week actually!

Mine depends what the energy is where it is and what it needs. Tonight I feel like it needs beating until I break to release it all. That rarely happens but cathartic when it does "

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