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Is NSA safe sex?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Is NSA sex all about keeping your feelings and yourself emotionally safe? (It's not a bareback thread, sorry)

How many people here actually want a connection with someone, What is that connection, and does it involve feeling something for someone? I've read profiles that insist on getting to know someone, won't meet immediately etc.

I imagine those people who want a connection as people who enjoy passion or intimacy with a sexual partner. Rather than someone only needing NSA sex, which to me is getting your rocks off for a bit of fun with someone.

The problem with a connection is relying on me opening up and giving a little bit of myself to someone. It's easy if this was established at the start, But that's where you become vulnerable if it's not reciprocated isn't it? Do you end up feeling more for their wellbeing than they do for you?

But those I've had NSA sex with, seem to be the ones who manage my feelings better than those I've let get close to me.

So my question is, what are the benefits of having this connection for great sex, and will it only ever end with someone's feelings damaged?

And if NSA is what you prefer, has it always been like that, or is it because of bad past experiences, related to the example above? Are you still able to build up some kind of trust?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no trust, but I want and crave a connection, but don't have the time to see someone regularly. The one offs don't do it for me much and the odd occasion they do I want more of it and it doesn't happen.

Baasically I'm fucked!

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"I have no trust, but I want and crave a connection, but don't have the time to see someone regularly. The one offs don't do it for me much and the odd occasion they do I want more of it and it doesn't happen.

Baasically I'm fucked! "

I know that feeling all to well unfortunately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay so for me, I need a little connection at least. Couple of reasons, I need to make sure it's worth essentially risking my marriage for and for me to fully enjoy sex I need there to be a little something. Personal preference.

I have had sex with people I've never met before and barely spoken to and it tends to feel quite empty and it doesn't rock my boat, so to speak.

It's an interesting thread misterbee, I always thought I was looking for NSA sex. But maybe my no strings attached and yours are different? For me, I meant it's not going to impinge on my daily life, bit of fun on the side? I didn't mean one night stands etc?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a very good question mister bee and one that's individual. I would love to find that nsa man who I can be friends with. Who can understand me. Who I can have sex with if I want it but importantly for me knows my body is fragile so knows I don't mind him having other women how can fuckin like a monster. Sadly this is where feeling are going to come into it. I think it's inevitable with the sort of friend I would like so unless that man is an extra special type of man I don't think I'll find him.

PTU xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do believe there has to be some kind of shared wavelength i.e. Both have a dirty mind ect or it's just an empty out to be blunt.

I have had good NSA in the past whe we would hook up for an hour or two have a nice cup of tea then moved onto playing

And some of the best times have been with women who have not been textbook beauties but have had that spark that's far hornier.

The problem is sometimes one half developes stronger feelings and starts wanting more out of it than is on offer

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

For couples it's a completely different thing. There's not the same one to one connection that you "swingles" experience. So NSA sex for us is just about enjoying a variety of sexual experiences with fun, interesting, and generally lovely people. Many of who we'd be happy to have a real friendship with.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That "connection" is not just about sex. All through life me meet people, some we like some we don't, some we connect with without knowing how or why.

Think about work, there are men and woman I have connected with and some not so much.

What we do here is an extension. I think if you are looking for a deep connection leading to more here I think your going to get emotionally hurt.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I don't develop feelings for those I meet. Not in the feels sense anyway. I think some people can't understand the fact that yeah, you don't want NSA but it doesn't mean you want to shack up with them at the fastest opportunity. I've had a few fbs and it didn't turn sour, things just drifted.

But yes, I like a connection and of course I want passion - if it wasn't there I might as well just finger myself silly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am a swinger baby feelings can go take a running jump..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NSA to me is the equivalent of a ride on the bus, you can have someone sit beside you exchange pleasant conversation, makes for a good journey, you can have someone sit beside you play on their phone and completely ignore you, not a problem most times, but not pleasant and you probably couldn't recognise the person on the journey home. OR of course you could get the nutter.

There is always the risk with the first person that you will hope they are on the bus tomorrow, extend the chat by going for a drink... and before you know it you are babysitting your grand children...

But it is a small risk, and you could always take a different bus tomorrow if you are concerned, the pleasant journey is far more rewarding than the other 2 options.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

There has to be a connection that involves feelings and emotions for me. Getting hurt isn't something I worry about if I did I'd never meet because I'm not cold. Obviously everyone has different levels of feelings and emotions they're prepared to express in a NSA environment, but that's a good thing for me. It's hard mentally sharing that much emotion with more than one person. I'm not really attracted to guys physically until I like the person. They have to be inside my head, triggering various feelings and emotions. I respect that others don't think emotions and feelings belong in this environment but I'm far happier having them. It's just a case of making sure the other person understands it really is NSA. That the feelings and emotions I express are real but limited, there is a line. So the benefit is I enjoy meets if I have feelings and emotions otherwise it'd all be pointless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no trust, but I want and crave a connection, but don't have the time to see someone regularly. The one offs don't do it for me much and the odd occasion they do I want more of it and it doesn't happen.

Baasically I'm fucked!

I know that feeling all to well unfortunately "

Not just me then? Ah ha, virtual hug... I've given up all hope of finding any of it now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tough one to nail really. At very least I prefer to be on the same wavelength, sexually and emotionally with someone. I prefer passion and intimacy with the women i meet and have always considered it NSA as there are no feelings outside of that "meet environment". Sure I meet women that I'm friendly with and continue to have regular friendly communication with them but its just that, nothing more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had one fwb that one time looked up and said she thought she had fallen in love with me.

That stopped it in its tracks because yes I enjoyed her company and we had great sex but that was what it was and nothing else expected.

Might sound harsh but then she was married and yes he did know we even had the odd 3some.

It was never quite the same again and I had to end it before it effected thier marriage.

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By *appy squirrelWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

NSA doesn't mean no emotions. I got to like them to some extend to have good sex with them. I don't want to be their friend but be friendly. I don't fall on love easely but am mindful that I am a very tactile person who needs physical contact. I personally make sure that I don't get too reliant to one person for that and meet several people on a semi regular basis and one offs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me nsa is no connection. Yes sometimes we meet friends but on the whole my enjoyment comes from the experience.

I do not want or need a connection and many find that weird.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me nsa is no connection. Yes sometimes we meet friends but on the whole my enjoyment comes from the experience.

I do not want or need a connection and many find that weird. "

I'm quite envious actually! Go you.

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By *azza80Woman
over a year ago

Your wildest Dreams

NSA for me is a regluar/casual thing wiv sumone I hav to be attracted to and hav a connection so to speak.. Ive had many before who was just a fuck and things got complicated cuz started developing strong feelings for me so I cut loose so as not to lead them on. I make it clear if im either wanting NSA or more..feelings is one thing u cant control tho x

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

People find it hard not to grow the feels for me because I am awesome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us this is a false choice. Sex with loads of connection and life story where you open yourself up entirely is what you do with a life partner. Sex without connection is just an allergic reaction to the fear of emotions.

We prefer a relaxed hippy middle way where there's some connection, some respect, some sharing, some emotions, and a lot of sex. But it's ultimately friends with benefits rather than anything more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For us this is a false choice. Sex with loads of connection and life story where you open yourself up entirely is what you do with a life partner. Sex without connection is just an allergic reaction to the fear of emotions.

We prefer a relaxed hippy middle way where there's some connection, some respect, some sharing, some emotions, and a lot of sex. But it's ultimately friends with benefits rather than anything more. "

I like this, it's what I'm striving for also and you explain it really well

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Interesting thread MisterBee and as others have said I don't think there is a single definitive answer, everyone has their own versions of what NSA actually means and consists of.

I'm already in a relationship, and here as part of a couples profile also, so am certainly not looking for another deep and meaningful emotional connection. Can also relate to the differences between couples NSA and swingles NSA.

That said, for me playing solo I would always need some level of connection and chemistry with a potential play partner, not on any emotional level, but certainly in terms of having similar likes/dislikes, views on the world, views about what NSA consists of etc. It's different when playing as a couple to an extent, and possibly more detached, but there still has to be a level of connection and attraction then too.

In either dynamic though, the way I look at it is you step into a "bubble" for the time you're with the other person/people, and for the period you're in that bubble you're kind of dissociated from your normal life, although always aware it's there ready for when you step back out of the bubble again.

One thing's for sure though, I always have my guard up against any deep seated emotions for both the protection of my relationship and myself.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"

In either dynamic though, the way I look at it is you step into a "bubble" for the time you're with the other person/people, and for the period you're in that bubble you're kind of dissociated from your normal life, although always aware it's there ready for when you step back out of the bubble again.

"

I like being in the bubble for a while. Good words

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By *azza80Woman
over a year ago

Your wildest Dreams


"Interesting thread MisterBee and as others have said I don't think there is a single definitive answer, everyone has their own versions of what NSA actually means and consists of.

I'm already in a relationship, and here as part of a couples profile also, so am certainly not looking for another deep and meaningful emotional connection. Can also relate to the differences between couples NSA and swingles NSA.

That said, for me playing solo I would always need some level of connection and chemistry with a potential play partner, not on any emotional level, but certainly in terms of having similar likes/dislikes, views on the world, views about what NSA consists of etc. It's different when playing as a couple to an extent, and possibly more detached, but there still has to be a level of connection and attraction then too.

In either dynamic though, the way I look at it is you step into a "bubble" for the time you're with the other person/people, and for the period you're in that bubble you're kind of dissociated from your normal life, although always aware it's there ready for when you step back out of the bubble again.

One thing's for sure though, I always have my guard up against any deep seated emotions for both the protection of my relationship and myself."

This x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There is a middle ground which is where I sit.

I need to know someone a bit before I'm sexual with them however I don't want intimacy or deeper feelings, just a light, shallow and friendly connection.

The more I read on fab the more I understand that I'm unusual in this respect.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"For couples it's a completely different thing. There's not the same one to one connection that you "swingles" experience. So NSA sex for us is just about enjoying a variety of sexual experiences with fun, interesting, and generally lovely people. Many of who we'd be happy to have a real friendship with.

Cal"

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

You already know my views on this OP, but for those who don't...

NSA in its strictest sense isn't for me. My libido is firmly tied to my emotional connection with someone. I will have deeper connections with some than others, and sometimes those connections mean that I'll lose all interest in others completely. This doesn't mean I'm looking for anything 'more', it just means that I have found someone I truly enjoy spending time with and don't see the point in wasting opportunities to spend time with that person on other people whom I may not enjoy to the same degree. The risk therefore for me is that person will tire of me and suddenly I'll be left with nobody. Its happened once or twice and its not pleasant ~ going from being in constant contact with someone and spending time together when you can to not having anything anymore is much like a breakup. I've been told I have walls and even been described as a commitment-phobe by certain people... and in a way they're right. Because its a hard decision for me to expose myself to a connection that has the power to hurt me. I think its a learning curve to though... Each time you find new ways to protect yourself a little bit more... Who knows... Maybe someday I'll find the perfect balance. In the meantime I'm cautiously open... The door is ajar for someone who shares my way of thinking... not someone who is on an ego trip or dropping me an occasional 'hi' to keep me on the back-burner, but someone who wants to talk to me and spend time with me simply because they enjoy it. Basically someone who wants to say goodnight to me every night and good morning to me every morning, even if the rest of their day gets too busy for anything else, just to know that they thought of me and wanted me to know that is enough. So yea.. big softie here... So tread carefully

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"You already know my views on this OP, but for those who don't...

NSA in its strictest sense isn't for me. My libido is firmly tied to my emotional connection with someone. I will have deeper connections with some than others, and sometimes those connections mean that I'll lose all interest in others completely. This doesn't mean I'm looking for anything 'more', it just means that I have found someone I truly enjoy spending time with and don't see the point in wasting opportunities to spend time with that person on other people whom I may not enjoy to the same degree. The risk therefore for me is that person will tire of me and suddenly I'll be left with nobody. Its happened once or twice and its not pleasant ~ going from being in constant contact with someone and spending time together when you can to not having anything anymore is much like a breakup. I've been told I have walls and even been described as a commitment-phobe by certain people... and in a way they're right. Because its a hard decision for me to expose myself to a connection that has the power to hurt me. I think its a learning curve to though... Each time you find new ways to protect yourself a little bit more... Who knows... Maybe someday I'll find the perfect balance. In the meantime I'm cautiously open... The door is ajar for someone who shares my way of thinking... not someone who is on an ego trip or dropping me an occasional 'hi' to keep me on the back-burner, but someone who wants to talk to me and spend time with me simply because they enjoy it. Basically someone who wants to say goodnight to me every night and good morning to me every morning, even if the rest of their day gets too busy for anything else, just to know that they thought of me and wanted me to know that is enough. So yea.. big softie here... So tread carefully"

Perfect words

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For us this is a false choice. Sex with loads of connection and life story where you open yourself up entirely is what you do with a life partner. Sex without connection is just an allergic reaction to the fear of emotions.

We prefer a relaxed hippy middle way where there's some connection, some respect, some sharing, some emotions, and a lot of sex. But it's ultimately friends with benefits rather than anything more.

I like this, it's what I'm striving for also and you explain it really well "

The problem with this, I'm giving someone half of everything. It's 50 percent. I'm an all or nothing type of guy. If I want the best of you, you get the best of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In either dynamic though, the way I look at it is you step into a "bubble" for the time you're with the other person/people, and for the period you're in that bubble you're kind of dissociated from your normal life, although always aware it's there ready for when you step back out of the bubble again.

I like being in the bubble for a while. Good words "

I like the bubble description too. Whilst I'm in that bubble I'm happy to be totally and utterly yours... your lover... a genuine boyfriend experience. But that world only exists in that bubble. Nicely expressed dude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The kind of connection i like with someone differs from the emotional type of connection of that makes sense. I like people i can hang out with and just kind of chat with. So its great and comfortable when we do meet but im not pining for them in between. Then if a repeat doesn't happen its cool. I have had sex with people i havent had my kind of connection before and wont do it again. It didnt feel as good for me.

Its half term and my mind is mush so not sure that made much sense.

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere


"You already know my views on this OP, but for those who don't...

NSA in its strictest sense isn't for me. My libido is firmly tied to my emotional connection with someone. I will have deeper connections with some than others, and sometimes those connections mean that I'll lose all interest in others completely. This doesn't mean I'm looking for anything 'more', it just means that I have found someone I truly enjoy spending time with and don't see the point in wasting opportunities to spend time with that person on other people whom I may not enjoy to the same degree. The risk therefore for me is that person will tire of me and suddenly I'll be left with nobody. Its happened once or twice and its not pleasant ~ going from being in constant contact with someone and spending time together when you can to not having anything anymore is much like a breakup. I've been told I have walls and even been described as a commitment-phobe by certain people... and in a way they're right. Because its a hard decision for me to expose myself to a connection that has the power to hurt me. I think its a learning curve to though... Each time you find new ways to protect yourself a little bit more... Who knows... Maybe someday I'll find the perfect balance. In the meantime I'm cautiously open... The door is ajar for someone who shares my way of thinking... not someone who is on an ego trip or dropping me an occasional 'hi' to keep me on the back-burner, but someone who wants to talk to me and spend time with me simply because they enjoy it. Basically someone who wants to say goodnight to me every night and good morning to me every morning, even if the rest of their day gets too busy for anything else, just to know that they thought of me and wanted me to know that is enough. So yea.. big softie here... So tread carefully"

I can relate to this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm, as part of a couple I already have an emotional connection so I'm definitely not looking for that. But don't want complete detachment it's empty meaningless sex.

I like the description of hippy middle way and being in a bubble. We want to connect in the sense of being compatible, friendly but knowing that when we walk away there's no pining for the other person. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NSA like many of you say is "not interupting your personal life" but im sure we have all been there say slept with someone very attractive but had the personality of a plank of wood and never ventured into their domain again. This is a good thread as I suppose its two completely differnt things rolles up into one. For great sex you need a sexual connection but connection in general for the likes of a normal relationship. I think alot of people on here have either low self esteem due to normal relationships that they turned to here for some sort of gratification even though sex isnt truely what they desire. Others and as it should be in my opinion understand their needs and treat sex as a seperate entity from lets just say emotions more suited to a "loving relationship"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In reply to the op. Is NSA safe sex? I'm of the opinion it isn't. Before you engage in nsa sex as a couple the only sex you know is love making. By having meaningless nsa sex with strangers you suddenly realise that components of your love making are actually meaningless. As you chisel out a new side of your sex life for meaningless nsa sex I can't help but worry that you start to become acclimatised to meaningless sex. This, then, could end up infecting your own love making with your partner.

If, instead, you don't give space to meaningless sex in your life and have meaningful sex with others in much the same amorous way you would your partner, then you will never degrade your view of sex and this degradation will never infect your love making with your partner.

At least that's my take on the op's question

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

We all do what we need to do and we need to make sure we have whatever personal barriers we need in place to protect ourselves.

You can still give but keep uour feelings safe if you try. It's down to YOU to keep yourself from getting hurt, you can't rely on the other party not doing it x

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Safe from unwanted baggage and drama hopefully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to have a bit of a connection with the people I meet. If we've grabbed a drink first got to know each other a bit I find the sex so much more satisfying.

My life doesn't have room for a deep and meaningful relationship in it unfortunately so I find keeping my emotions in check quite easy but am always up for building a connection with a friend with benefits that's mutually satisfying for both x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I managed for years with pure simple nsa sex but I met someone off here last year who I fell for big style which had never happened to me before and I still don't really know why I did.

I was meeting him for quite a few months but it all ended horribly as he turned out to not be single, amongst other things

Now I'm a bit stumped as to what I really want

I miss what I had with him, the familiarity and the closeness

But I am terrified of something similar happening again

So for now I rarely meet and when I do it is just a simple fuck and go

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

There's no one thing that id the sole reason for everyone's nsa, apart from desire for sex. We're all so different and have unique histories and personalities.

You can try to generalise some things, such as that people not ready or able to become emotionally engaged with another will favour sex rather than commitments or that someone psychologically harmed may feel that nsa is safer for themselves but it's too easy to overthink things. Relax and enjoy sex how you want. You know it makes sense.

Recreational sex is a great way to enhance your life, without too many complications.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

I am an emotional person, and when I have sex with someone, it is like giving a piece of myself to that person and trusting them with it! Sex for me without a real like, love, desire for the other person is always more shallow and feels very mechanical as opposed to the incredible times spent with someone who doesn't just see me as another notch on the bedpost!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

"

Might the fact it's often constructed as not so acceptable for guys to be open about "dirty emotions" that may have some (certainly not all, I warrant) on this though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

Might the fact it's often constructed as not so acceptable for guys to be open about "dirty emotions" that may have some (certainly not all, I warrant) on this though? "

*bearing on this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

I am an emotional person, and when I have sex with someone, it is like giving a piece of myself to that person and trusting them with it! Sex for me without a real like, love, desire for the other person is always more shallow and feels very mechanical as opposed to the incredible times spent with someone who doesn't just see me as another notch on the bedpost!"

Do bear in mind that there are more men than women on here. That skews the view somewhat. I believe that there's a pretty even match of both sexes that want no-feelings-sex as opposed to those that wish to feel an intimate connection.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

Might the fact it's often constructed as not so acceptable for guys to be open about "dirty emotions" that may have some (certainly not all, I warrant) on this though?

*bearing on this"

I don't think this is strictly true.

Why is it mainly women?

Why do you think that?

I would say quite the opposite actually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

Might the fact it's often constructed as not so acceptable for guys to be open about "dirty emotions" that may have some (certainly not all, I warrant) on this though?

*bearing on this

I don't think this is strictly true.

Why is it mainly women?

Why do you think that?

I would say quite the opposite actually. "

My comment? Or one I was responding to?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

I am an emotional person, and when I have sex with someone, it is like giving a piece of myself to that person and trusting them with it! Sex for me without a real like, love, desire for the other person is always more shallow and feels very mechanical as opposed to the incredible times spent with someone who doesn't just see me as another notch on the bedpost!

Do bear in mind that there are more men than women on here. That skews the view somewhat. I believe that there's a pretty even match of both sexes that want no-feelings-sex as opposed to those that wish to feel an intimate connection. "

I had no feelings sex once, literally couldn't feel it.

Poor guy

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

Might the fact it's often constructed as not so acceptable for guys to be open about "dirty emotions" that may have some (certainly not all, I warrant) on this though?

*bearing on this

I don't think this is strictly true.

Why is it mainly women?

Why do you think that?

I would say quite the opposite actually.

My comment? Or one I was responding to? "

The one you were responding too.

Sorry to confuse...my emotions got the better of me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One offs don't do it for me .I prefere regular with one friend .Always more fun as you trust the person and experiment .I'm not vanilla and find alot of men are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

I am an emotional person, and when I have sex with someone, it is like giving a piece of myself to that person and trusting them with it! Sex for me without a real like, love, desire for the other person is always more shallow and feels very mechanical as opposed to the incredible times spent with someone who doesn't just see me as another notch on the bedpost!

Do bear in mind that there are more men than women on here. That skews the view somewhat. I believe that there's a pretty even match of both sexes that want no-feelings-sex as opposed to those that wish to feel an intimate connection.

I had no feelings sex once, literally couldn't feel it.

Poor guy "

Insensate from alcohol? Or... ummm... the poor chap was lacking somehow?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

I am an emotional person, and when I have sex with someone, it is like giving a piece of myself to that person and trusting them with it! Sex for me without a real like, love, desire for the other person is always more shallow and feels very mechanical as opposed to the incredible times spent with someone who doesn't just see me as another notch on the bedpost!

Do bear in mind that there are more men than women on here. That skews the view somewhat. I believe that there's a pretty even match of both sexes that want no-feelings-sex as opposed to those that wish to feel an intimate connection.

I had no feelings sex once, literally couldn't feel it.

Poor guy

Insensate from alcohol? Or... ummm... the poor chap was lacking somehow? "

I think his name must have been Justin

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

I like a connection, sexual attraction, and someone who I would be friends with in the real world.

I guess ideally I want someone for all the fun parts of dating, without the crap.

I don't expect exclusive, or want to be restricted, I'm looking for a needle in a giant haystack.

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By *oss25Man
over a year ago

Flitwick and Fakenham

I think there has to be a connection, whether psychological or chemical....a spark. I honestly believe the best sex comes from being able to trust to an extent so the sharing becomes better.

The connection can be made just with a look, a conversation, touch or an erotic story......it doesn't need to be deep (man!) just something extra between you

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By *Devil77Man
over a year ago

West Midlands

I'd say there has to be some element of a connection, but how much made of it depends on the individual.

NSA for me is meeting up and having fun with a woman or couple without the need for a day to day relationship.my connection would be I find the woman attractive, and she has the ability to engage in conversation before and after if both have time and want to.

I'm happy to cuddle afterwards too as I know it's with a close friend,not a partner if you get my drift.

That's why married women usually suit me better.they seem to have simlar views imo.

Good thread this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm having nsa sex with someone, I really don't want to know their history, last name, pets name, favourite food or anything else about their life, for me knowing these things that's when emotions get involved, and I'm not about to share and swap stories with someone I'm only going to be sleeping with and nothing more

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Interesting that it is mainly the ladies who need and want the emotional connection and the guys can push that aside and see it as just recreational sex.

Might the fact it's often constructed as not so acceptable for guys to be open about "dirty emotions" that may have some (certainly not all, I warrant) on this though? "

I'm with you on this one and was just about to say can you imagine the response a guy would get admitting having emotions on here. Holy crap that would be up there with white knighting. Guys are in a really difficult position on here with most things, damned if they do, damned if they don't. Yes I'm cock worshipping again, so what it's Friday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NSA is not safe sex. The former is about obligations and commitment, the latter is about protection from pregnancy and/or sti's.

My interpretation of NSA is a situation where either/any party is free to leave the arrangement without any obligations. Sounds cold and clinical I know, but these are just terms that all parties should understand and agree to. In reality I still need that mental bond, call it friendship with benefits if you like, but it's not the same as commitment to a life partner. More a meeting of minds to fulfil a mutual sexual desire.We can enjoy each others company and time together, sexually or otherwise, but any change of circumstance or decision and anyone can walk away. It has happened to me twice where I have chatted with and then met with a lady and enjoyed time together until they have eventually found what they were really looking for and we parted on friendly terms. It can happen, it's just rare.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there has to be a connection, whether psychological or chemical....a spark. I honestly believe the best sex comes from being able to trust to an extent so the sharing becomes better.

The connection can be made just with a look, a conversation, touch or an erotic story......it doesn't need to be deep (man!) just something extra between you"

I'm with this guy. While I don't need to know someone's life story, an element of trust and mutual respect makes the sex oh-so-much-better in my opinion. I wouldn't make the effort having tantric sex (as an example) with someone who is just a penis to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't just fuck anyone.

There has been 2 occasions in nearly 4 years on here, where I've made a mistake and fucked someone where if I had the luxury of hindsight I wouldn't have done.

I need a connection with a fwb. And I've managed to find it now.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know? "

Well said!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay so for me, I need a little connection at least. Couple of reasons, I need to make sure it's worth essentially risking my marriage for and for me to fully enjoy sex I need there to be a little something. Personal preference. "

this 100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know?

Well said! "

Awwww thanks! Wanna fuck?

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By *oss25Man
over a year ago

Flitwick and Fakenham


"I think there has to be a connection, whether psychological or chemical....a spark. I honestly believe the best sex comes from being able to trust to an extent so the sharing becomes better.

The connection can be made just with a look, a conversation, touch or an erotic story......it doesn't need to be deep (man!) just something extra between you

I'm with this guy. While I don't need to know someone's life story, an element of trust and mutual respect makes the sex oh-so-much-better in my opinion. I wouldn't make the effort having tantric sex (as an example) with someone who is just a penis to me. "

Any friends I've made and met on here were/are all based on the connection made through the erotica I write, the stories touched a nerve and sparked an interest........I write because I'm more interested in words than photos....not intellectual but certainly an NSA meet needs to be in my head and vice versa

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know?

Well said!

Awwww thanks! Wanna fuck? "

Sod it its Friday, why the hsll not

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro


"You already know my views on this OP, but for those who don't...

NSA in its strictest sense isn't for me. My libido is firmly tied to my emotional connection with someone. I will have deeper connections with some than others, and sometimes those connections mean that I'll lose all interest in others completely. This doesn't mean I'm looking for anything 'more', it just means that I have found someone I truly enjoy spending time with and don't see the point in wasting opportunities to spend time with that person on other people whom I may not enjoy to the same degree. The risk therefore for me is that person will tire of me and suddenly I'll be left with nobody. Its happened once or twice and its not pleasant ~ going from being in constant contact with someone and spending time together when you can to not having anything anymore is much like a breakup. I've been told I have walls and even been described as a commitment-phobe by certain people... and in a way they're right. Because its a hard decision for me to expose myself to a connection that has the power to hurt me. I think its a learning curve to though... Each time you find new ways to protect yourself a little bit more... Who knows... Maybe someday I'll find the perfect balance. In the meantime I'm cautiously open... The door is ajar for someone who shares my way of thinking... not someone who is on an ego trip or dropping me an occasional 'hi' to keep me on the back-burner, but someone who wants to talk to me and spend time with me simply because they enjoy it. Basically someone who wants to say goodnight to me every night and good morning to me every morning, even if the rest of their day gets too busy for anything else, just to know that they thought of me and wanted me to know that is enough. So yea.. big softie here... So tread carefully

I can relate to this "

This is me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know?

Well said!

Awwww thanks! Wanna fuck?

Sod it its Friday, why the hsll not "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know?

Well said!

Awwww thanks! Wanna fuck?

Sod it its Friday, why the hsll not "

Hi ScarlettAngel

One profile of many.

**waves**

Lmfao!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know?

Well said!

Awwww thanks! Wanna fuck?

Sod it its Friday, why the hsll not

Hi ScarlettAngel

One profile of many.

**waves**

Lmfao! "

Eh?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

When im with someone i have a sex connection. I dont just have cold sex. However, once its over i zone out again until the next time. Im able to switch my emotions on and off when it comes to sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think everyone has the same definition of NSA or reasoning for wanting NSA, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement of wanting or not wanting it, personally.

Instead, I'd want to talk and decide if there was a genuine overlap of interest between me and the other person/s as to what we specifically want to explore with each other.

That could be along the whole spectrum, and I may have different meets at different points of the scale or indeed progress along it (in either direction) with the same person.

I'm not in a relationship currently so that works for me. If I was in a relationship, then that would need to have been discussed between the two of us as to what, if anything, happens next, so I can't comment to that.

Do I need a connection? Yes. What that connection is for any meet is that I think you're a decent human that I'd like to share time with, whatever the duration of that time period. Can I pre-explain the connection scientifically, nah, you just know, you know?

Well said!

Awwww thanks! Wanna fuck?

Sod it its Friday, why the hsll not

Hi ScarlettAngel

One profile of many.

**waves**

Lmfao! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me I try and not make to much of a connection I like to get to know them but nsa sex is what I want don't really want hangups

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's the most natural thing in the world to have a companion.. anyone who does not have this need is lacking in basic social responses. This site can help many in their quest whether short or long term...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me nsa is no connection. Yes sometimes we meet friends but on the whole my enjoyment comes from the experience.

I do not want or need a connection and many find that weird. "

This is like me, I didn't realise we were in the minority.

I just need to be physically attracted to someone, them to be physically attracted to me, and them not to be an asshole, and I'm good to go. That's all I'm interested in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

In either dynamic though, the way I look at it is you step into a "bubble" for the time you're with the other person/people, and for the period you're in that bubble you're kind of dissociated from your normal life, although always aware it's there ready for when you step back out of the bubble again.

I like being in the bubble for a while. Good words "

Me too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NSA can be a difficult concept and I do find that I distance myself from some guys if I start to really quite like them. I see it as damage control - my form of safe sex. However, getting the balance of finding someone I don't like too much and someone that I like enough can be difficult.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"NSA can be a difficult concept and I do find that I distance myself from some guys if I start to really quite like them. I see it as damage control - my form of safe sex. However, getting the balance of finding someone I don't like too much and someone that I like enough can be difficult. "

Haha. I don't like too much. Made me chuckle. But I get what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

In either dynamic though, the way I look at it is you step into a "bubble" for the time you're with the other person/people, and for the period you're in that bubble you're kind of dissociated from your normal life, although always aware it's there ready for when you step back out of the bubble again.

I like being in the bubble for a while. Good words

Me too! "

A good way of looking at things. I had a friend describe it. Fab life/real life. That helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"NSA can be a difficult concept and I do find that I distance myself from some guys if I start to really quite like them. I see it as damage control - my form of safe sex. However, getting the balance of finding someone I don't like too much and someone that I like enough can be difficult. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've had a number of regular playmates who I allowed to become what I would regard as a lover. 2 have hurt me, and there is one I suspect I hurt as a result of feelings getting out of control. There is one man who we've been seeing for over 2 years and we are both very fond of him. I think there are feelings between me and him. Nobody has got hurt because, despite the feelings, me and him are happy with what we have and don't want more. I'm happily married, so for me it's out of the question. And for him, I don't think he does well with relationships, likes his freedom too much, so he would never want more from me anyway. It is a different way of thinking. My time on the swing scene has taught me to enjoy feelings but control them, and it has taught me to not get jealous or have expectations. But this only works if the people we get involved with share the same outlook.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My time on the swing scene has taught me to enjoy feelings but control them, and it has taught me to not get jealous or have expectations. But this only works if the people we get involved with share the same outlook.

Mrs"

For me to shut away my feelings of changing who I am. Controlling them is the secret, and what you said here is what I always hope for. But it's a fine balance I guess. Especially when there's a partner to consider too. Does it help you've got someone close to talk things through?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"NSA can be a difficult concept and I do find that I distance myself from some guys if I start to really quite like them. I see it as damage control - my form of safe sex. However, getting the balance of finding someone I don't like too much and someone that I like enough can be difficult. "

Nailed it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me even NSA sex I have to have a connection. The trust must be there and honesty. So far it's worked very well.

It is a type of relationship. Meeting regularly also means you get to know the person what they like and dislike.

The NSA means I can sleep with other people and not having to explain myself and they can do the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My time on the swing scene has taught me to enjoy feelings but control them, and it has taught me to not get jealous or have expectations. But this only works if the people we get involved with share the same outlook.

Mrs

For me to shut away my feelings of changing who I am. Controlling them is the secret, and what you said here is what I always hope for. But it's a fine balance I guess. Especially when there's a partner to consider too. Does it help you've got someone close to talk things through? "

Yes I don't think I could do this if I were single, as I would end up wanting more. I do confide in my husband when I like someone a lot. With regards to the men we play with, I think it works partly because I'm not available, and partly because we try to choose men who are not into relationships therefore are not going to ever want more. The other way of controlling by emotion is to have a few lovers, that way emotions are divided and not channelled into one person. I get very nervous if a lover starts to be exclusive to me, as happened once, which was the only time I have had cause to end a relationship. Keeping an infrequency to meets also helps control the situation. I probably wouldnt see a lover more often than every couple of months. Does have its ups and downs, because everybody is only human and feelings can get out of control. But it's not the end of the world if someone feels a bit sad for a while, as long as it was fun while it lasted. I believe I suffer from something called 'new relationship euphoria' - I basically NEED that excitement of a new relationship.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does have its ups and downs, because everybody is only human and feelings can get out of control. But it's not the end of the world if someone feels a bit sad for a while, as long as it was fun while it lasted. I believe I suffer from something called 'new relationship euphoria' - I basically NEED that excitement of a new relationship.

Mrs"

This describes my buzz to a tee. As well as my attitude to the ups and downs. I'm quite happy to be mature and take whatever downs come along. It'll all stay in that bubble... but what a wonderful bubble it will be.

I wonder, however, if people will be surprised to find it's actually Mr Freespirit writing this and not Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Does have its ups and downs, because everybody is only human and feelings can get out of control. But it's not the end of the world if someone feels a bit sad for a while, as long as it was fun while it lasted. I believe I suffer from something called 'new relationship euphoria' - I basically NEED that excitement of a new relationship.

Mrs

This describes my buzz to a tee. As well as my attitude to the ups and downs. I'm quite happy to be mature and take whatever downs come along. It'll all stay in that bubble... but what a wonderful bubble it will be.

I wonder, however, if people will be surprised to find it's actually Mr Freespirit writing this and not Mrs "

What's surprised me a lot is how Many people (male or female) feel that feelings are an essential part of swinging. I thought I was odd.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does have its ups and downs, because everybody is only human and feelings can get out of control. But it's not the end of the world if someone feels a bit sad for a while, as long as it was fun while it lasted. I believe I suffer from something called 'new relationship euphoria' - I basically NEED that excitement of a new relationship.

Mrs

This describes my buzz to a tee. As well as my attitude to the ups and downs. I'm quite happy to be mature and take whatever downs come along. It'll all stay in that bubble... but what a wonderful bubble it will be.

I wonder, however, if people will be surprised to find it's actually Mr Freespirit writing this and not Mrs

What's surprised me a lot is how Many people (male or female) feel that feelings are an essential part of swinging. I thought I was odd. "

I think we are different from the swinging scene. We certainly feel like oddballs in it. It's just that, on Fab, there's also a large amount of us who are seeking lovers rather than one offs. I'm beginning to think we're something different... not swingers at all nor even nsa. More like sexual explorers who are seeking the buzz of an affair without any of the lying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me even NSA sex I have to have a connection. The trust must be there and honesty. So far it's worked very well.

It is a type of relationship. Meeting regularly also means you get to know the person what they like and dislike.

The NSA means I can sleep with other people and not having to explain myself and they can do the same.

"

This. It is a type of relationship for me too. FWB type thing mutual agreement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does have its ups and downs, because everybody is only human and feelings can get out of control. But it's not the end of the world if someone feels a bit sad for a while, as long as it was fun while it lasted. I believe I suffer from something called 'new relationship euphoria' - I basically NEED that excitement of a new relationship.

Mrs

This describes my buzz to a tee. As well as my attitude to the ups and downs. I'm quite happy to be mature and take whatever downs come along. It'll all stay in that bubble... but what a wonderful bubble it will be.

I wonder, however, if people will be surprised to find it's actually Mr Freespirit writing this and not Mrs

What's surprised me a lot is how Many people (male or female) feel that feelings are an essential part of swinging. I thought I was odd.

I think we are different from the swinging scene. We certainly feel like oddballs in it. It's just that, on Fab, there's also a large amount of us who are seeking lovers rather than one offs. I'm beginning to think we're something different... not swingers at all nor even nsa. More like sexual explorers who are seeking the buzz of an affair without any of the lying. "

Aren't we all oddballs really? I love the forum because threads like this show me that there are other people like me. We're all different yet also similar to some people.

I'd love an affair type of thing. Not an actual cheating affair but the buzz and excitement and - not sure of the term- affection maybe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"NSA can be a difficult concept and I do find that I distance myself from some guys if I start to really quite like them. I see it as damage control - my form of safe sex. However, getting the balance of finding someone I don't like too much and someone that I like enough can be difficult. "

This is always going to be the issue. It has to be mutually understood and accepted. If one party cannot deal with that it's never going to work and someone is going to end up unhappy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does have its ups and downs, because everybody is only human and feelings can get out of control. But it's not the end of the world if someone feels a bit sad for a while, as long as it was fun while it lasted. I believe I suffer from something called 'new relationship euphoria' - I basically NEED that excitement of a new relationship.

Mrs

This describes my buzz to a tee. As well as my attitude to the ups and downs. I'm quite happy to be mature and take whatever downs come along. It'll all stay in that bubble... but what a wonderful bubble it will be.

I wonder, however, if people will be surprised to find it's actually Mr Freespirit writing this and not Mrs

What's surprised me a lot is how Many people (male or female) feel that feelings are an essential part of swinging. I thought I was odd. "
no i think that its pretty much the norm.. Im always feeling im a bit weird that i dont want or need that x

Cali

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